#like hmmm this sure is a flag but I really can't say which color

[whenthegoldrays]

Went to an anniversary dinner today and the husband told us that when he was interested in his wife/trying to court her, he decided to get her attention by sending her a potato in the mail.

No box, no wrapping, no nothing, just her address (and a note) written on the potato in Sharpie and three postage stamps stuck on.

When it arrived at her house the whole family was congregated around the potato wondering what it could possibly mean, afraid it might be a bomb 🤡

[one-last-puku]

Suddenly, I feel really gloomy because people have such low thresholds for what they think is a "red flag" or "toxic" behavior.

A lot of these people also wonder how they keep pushing people close to them away.

Like, I'm gloomy, but also irritated.

I understand people shouldn't just be excused of their actions if they do wrong, but a lot of people are suffering with mental health struggles and the last thing they're wanting is to hurt their friend, but when someone is in pain or constant pain, lashing out does happen.

Does that really have to be considered a "red flag" or "toxic"?

Some even say clinginess and mild obsession are "red flags". Why??

I've seen people legit calling showering someone with affection "love bombing". Like, hunty, that's not what that means, sis. Love bombing is generally a purposeful manipulation tactic. Someone who just adores you and isn't out to god forbit manipulate you, sheesh. holy shit.

I understand... why.. but ugghhhh

It just reinforces the idea many suffering feel when they think they don't deserve to be loved, cared about, or have friends, which in turn grows their pain more. And no offense, but if they can't seem to get on in one relationship, they likely struggle in most of them. Makes a person want to commit not alive if they are just... not "meant to be cared about", y'know??

What the heck ever happened to trying to work through problems with your friends and loved ones?

It's irritating the hypocrisy when in one breath a person says "Everyone deserves love" and in the next "Some people are just not meant to be in a relationship." (about someone they consider "toxic" or "walking red flag")

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying stay with someone if they are draining you all the time, or you'd be happier without them in your life, but if you're not sure of that?? Can't you just... reduce the time you spend with them? Tell them how you're feeling? See if they'll seek help? I think a lot of people are so afraid of being hurt, they cut of people too quickly. Thinking that's just what their supposed to do, because that person is "a red flag" or something.

Also it's irritating how often I seem to hear it in conversation, it's become a buzz word. The more you use a word, the less impact the word has, holy moly. Pick a side.

Edit: This is honestly such a complicated subject, but I'd wonder what anyone reading would think?

What gets me the most!!! Is when a person is push and pushing and prodding and poking you like a sleeping bear, almost as if they are trying to provoke you. You are generally, almost always considered a "nice person" and boy are you always doing what you can to genuinely be that person. But then, they just won't stop doing things trying to see if they can get a rise out of you. Then you fucking snap. Then they are like "aaaaohhohjh so I see these are your true colors!"

--And then they get to call you toxic for finally having a emotional breakdown. and of course in their little echo chamber the idea that the person, who is not there to defend themselves, is in fact toxic. "Ya girl, you gotta ditch them. That's a red flag."

Let's just play pretend for a minute. There is a couple in a loving relationship, and their problems have been few. But then one of them cheats on the other. They try to work it out. Now while usually one of them has a healthy reaction to their partner being invited out to hang out with their friends or co-workers. Hmmm. Looks like that person who the one partner cheated with is going to be there. The other begins feeling insecure and starts showing signs of jealousy and "red flags", getting snappier and more obsessive like when their partner comes home late from work. You find out they decided to go to lunch after work and that's why they were late. Oh but that person who that one cheated with is part of that friend group, so of course they were there too. Then later on you find out that the one partner had continued cheating behind your back and finally the other snaps (If looks could kill). The fires of hell break loose and the cheating partner feels fear, despite the fact the other has not laid a single finger on them or uttered a word above 10db. The cheating partner goes to tell the friend group, who because home wrecker is part of the friend group, of course they'd be biased and ship cheaterxhome wrecker, so what does the friend group say to the cheater? "Oh people cheat all the time. You can't help it if you felt you couldn't leave your long time relationship. I understand you. I would have done the same thing. You aught to break up with your partner, they seem like a walking red flag." and eventually... the cheater is bolstered enough to feel justified in what they did. "It wasn't even that bad. It's because of them." and they break up. The end~