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#like i kno im not a perfect fit for the project but like im. i think my brain is good at some things so i could contribute things
opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#fucking. god dammit. i hype myself up like: fuck it i dont want a uk phd#and then i fucking pre interview. which was a full on fucking hour long interview and im reminded how#fucking cool the project is. like hhhhh why cant u b in the us????#they can only pick one candidate. and like oh yea we could send u to the arctic or southern ocean#fuck u thats so cool hhhhhh ugh. im hoping when i visit [redacted] school i fall in love so completely that i can say no#but ugh its so so cool. and i feel like they were impressed with me. like i feel the interview went well#and one guy was like: even if u dont end up here youll have a stellar research career. and im like 😭#like i kno im not a perfect fit for the project but like im. i think my brain is good at some things so i could contribute things#ugh now im all shaky a sweaty. and after i visit the other school i have to immediately let the uk school kno if i wanna comit to them#then i could maybe visit the lab. tho idk when id have the time to fucking fly to the uk#uuuuuugh school bullshit. so stressful. but im glad they think what ive done is cool#like i feel so dumb all the time bc the trauma of being dyslexic in the american public school system that as soon as someone says im smart#or impressive im like 😭😭😭#also they asked how i feel abt writing papers and i was like: convention is bullshit and i dont think thats what the guy was expecting lmao#its true tho. fuck convention. challenge convention. be open to new ideas. otherwise whats the point#sigh. well i felt awful this morning. i mean. its only like 9.30 now but i feel a bit better now#since my last interview was a disaster i feel way better abt my interviewing skills now. which is good bc i have 2 more looming#unrelated
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