#like i'm not saying don't support trans causes over the stupid video game

[supercantaloupe]

i understand the reasoning behind getting upset over the new shitty wizard game on the grounds of supporting trans rights but everytime i see that as the primary justification for shitting on the game it reads to me very much like "i can excuse overt antisemitism but i draw the line at transphobia" like you know you can acknowledge both at the same time right (and the fact that the game itself is much more directly antisemitic than it is transphobic even though jkr herself is a bigger icon for transphobia atm)

[thetiniestkris]

more thoughts fuck you predictive text

Don't know how but somehow i don't know anyone who really knows me. Yeah, I'm very close to some people. Two of my siblings for example. Was with my ex for 5 years and have lived this last year with them too. Made friends with coworkers, and got involved in the community, and made friends outside of work. And yet somehow it still feels like I'm always hiding whole sides to myself, worrying about being seen.

Like I just never feel like I'm actually being myself, and I dont how to fix that.

I mean i know the cause of it. Don't raise your kids in cults that force them to self monitor their thoughts, feelings, reactions, instincts, appearance, speech, sleeping dreams, and behaviour 24/7 with no space for failure or slip ups. Don't place the burden of dressing modestly for the sake of an adult mans marriage on the shoulders of a 12 year old. Don't force them to wear clothes that make them obviously stick out without making sure they're okay with it, then teach them they have to say it's their choice. Dont punish your many kids collectively just because you're too tired to figure out who broke that slat in the couch back. Don't beat them with a belt at the appearance of a slight slip up.

The complete lack of control over my personhood from childhood to early adulthood has made me instinctively secretive, trying to hide the "unacceptable" parts of myself. Even if those are the parts of me I like most. Maybe because those are the parts of me i like most, and i don't want to be punished for them. I want something to stay safely mine.

anyway the things I'm hiding are stupid memes i saved being bi greysexual liking AOC and Bernie liking stardew valley being obsessed with critical role every youtube channel I watch (all leftist or gay or trans or video games or all of the above) and wanting to go to protests and things like that but how much really do protests do because it feels useless where i live? And also I do know IRL people who go to protests to beat up people they don't like, namely people like me who just want to not be living with such terrible anxiety all the time

I can't tell my sibling how much I'm afraid to go to a pride event for the first time or come fully out of the closet because a bunch of fascist clowns showed up in a uhaul trailer in the park we walked around so many times this summer and there was a shooting just a week ago or so at a drag show and just. I can't say it all because they "love" me but they don't support me and they'll tell me I'm just obsessing over being gay or something.

But maybe saying all this would inspire some compassion. Or maybe i shouldnt have to share my deepest traumas to "earn" some compassion.

Everything is fucked