#like i've been saying it wrong my entire life apparantly...

[transfemme-shelterdog]

I do not understand the concept of open marriage/polyamory/general non-monogamy. Maybe it was the way I was raised (not Christian, but still in a heavily Christian conservative "traditional values" type area) but I can't wrap my mind around it. I thought I understood it, but then I gave it a go and it is literally in the top 5 worst experiences of my life. But just because I had a bad experience doesn't mean non-monogamy is inherently bad. So I've been trying to figure it out and understand how it could possibly be appealing to anyone. But I just don't see how someone could have the time for multiple partners, even if they do have "enough love to share" with everyone, as I so often see it put. At some point one partner is going to need 100% of your attention (death of a loved one, illness, injury, etc) and you'll essentially have to throw your other partner(s) on the back burner. That's no way to have a relationship. I also just can't imagine having sex with multiple people, whether together as a group or one-on-one. But I'm also the type to only have sex with someone I'm head over heels in love with, and given I'm strictly monogamous, of course that's only ever one singular person at any given time.

Most people value loyalty in relationships. But I don't see how loyalty can exist in a non-monogamous relationship. Big life events will occur where you need to prioritize one partner over another, and inevitably a hierarchy will form. There will be that one partner you prioritize more, no matter how "equal" you try to keep your feelings and partners. You will like one better than the others. You will click with one more than the others. You will love one more than the others. And when you choose one over the others, you do not have loyalty to the others. You only have it to the one you chose.

And this doesn't just go for romantic relationships. It's familial and platonic too. There's a reason there's such a concept as a "best friend." Humans will inevitably prioritize one over another; we will create a hierarchy because we love our boxes and systems and structures. But when all your partners are supposed to be equal, of course the inevitable hierarchy tears it apart.

And then the people who do lean into hierarchical polyamory see their relationships implode quite fast, and every non-hierarchical poly person will say in response that hierarchical polyamory is unethical or "not really polyamory." But it apparantly is, because every single non-monogamous relationship I've seen (and I've been floating in these circles for years) always devolves into hierarchy and then implodes. And after that implosion, it's not uncommon to see two of the ones involved break off from the others and become a "closed" monogamous couple.

I just don't get it. I've tried, but especially given all I've seen over the years of actively being in and interacting with these spaces, both irl and online, it just makes no sense to me. No one ever seems happy. That "happy poly couple/throuple/whatever" never lasts more than a year. And it's drama after drama after drama the entire time, usually stemming from jealousy, the feeling of being cheated on, from not being as prioritized as others, etc. And apparantly that jealousy is "illegal" in poly relationships too, though it's a perfectly normal human reaction and always has been; denying yourself the right to feel a specific emotion will only ever lead to repression and resentment. This whole concept in the poly community of "jealousy is evil and wrong and you must do away with it" is so harmful. Maybe if we were all trained Buddhist monks who are practiced in the art of separating ourselves from worldly things, desires, emotions, it'd be different. But most of us are not trained monks of any sort. So of course it always fails.

Reasonable. Yeah, myself and my husband couldn't do that either. I've tried poly in the past, didn't work out, not sure about my hubby though.

The way my husband and I are relationship wise is closed off monogamous, but I really, really, like making trans guys feel like they're loved and desirable, and wanna help boost their confidence and let them know that they don't need to settle with someone who "tolerates" them, and shits on tdick and being masc - so I'm allowed to flirt and compliment people to help them realize that they can be loved. But never anything physical. That works out pretty good for the both of us. It makes my husband feel confident and powerful as a result because he knows that trans guys can thirst over me, but he's the only one who can ever fuck me.

But yeah, the way I see it, if those poly couples wanna be poly, all power to them. It's not for me, but if it works for others, good for them and I fully support it. Hell, one of my besties is in a poly relationship with a bunch of people right now.

[random-remzy]

HALP

its pride month and as such i have been cursed

Im so fucking gay that I managed to lead us (me and my brother) around the city for 4 HOURS.

Ttrying to find places to eat ( i had copons that expire in a week)

Cons. Being gay is not fabulous, i got lost somewhere i've supposed to have lived for half my life.

Pros. We have kebab, burger and boba now.

What happened was-

We went to teh central station and then tried to find the bus stop and then i took us around the entire station by accident trying to find the stop, then we missed our bus, then we got to the stop, and then when the bus came it went past us and i realized it was for a makeshift bus stop like 20 meters ahead, so we sprinted and caught it. then we got off and walked for like 5 minutes till we found teh fried chicken place, but it turns out! The coupon i had was for the location in the EASTERN part of teh city and we werent supposed to go there, so instead we found out that these two restauront i had coupons for were now closer, so we sat on the bus stop waiting, and then the bus we were SUPPOSED to take came on the OTHER SIDE of the road! So we sprinted and missed it, then the bus on the previous side came and we sprinted to atch that, but before we got on i checked and it was not teh bus we were supposed to get, so we walked back to teh other side and waited for like 10 min. then we took the bus, got off, and we walked in a direction only to realize it was teh wrong one, walked teh other way and FINALLY made it to a restaurant and we used teh coupon and the guys was sooo sweet and gave us extra fries and beef. and then wen walked down only to realize that the other store was up the way we came from so we treked there and then we got our one singular cheseburger and tried to find teh tram stop and we found it and tehn we got off right before the boba place cus i actually KNEW where this boba place was because id walked past it many times, so i walk and we walk and we walk and suddenly were someweher else and then i open google maps because we're SOOOO close to being done here and i just wanna go home and im second guesing myself and google maps tells us we need to walk back where we came and im confused because i didnt see it, then my brother taps me and points to the side and it says in massive bold letters the name of the boba shop and i squat down and laugh hysterically because i am so done with this city. Then we go inside, argue about what flavor to get, agree on teh flavor, gve teh coupon, and the guys asks for a student ID and it takes me like 5 minutes to log in and find it then we order and i thank him and i apologize for the troubles and we leave and my brother needs to go to teh glasses store to fix his glasses real quick so he goes across the street to do that but apparantly they're closed so we just go to teh metro station and take the metro home.

All in all, it was pretty fun. Our feet hurt my brother will never let me navigate ever again, and i had 2 public crash-outs but all in all. Pretty fun :D

[confluence-and-drift]

Huh, so I'm going to be an uncle. I was just around at my parents and heard that the brother I don't get along with had in the last two years, divorced his wife that was rude to our mother all the time and he's now with someone else who my Mum really likes and they're expecting a kid. Apparantly my brother has matured a lot too in the last few years.

My Mum was weirdly apprehensive telling me this and she admitted that she thought I'd be angry, an answer that mystified me. Like, sure, my brother and I don't talk, but why would I not be happy for him getting out of a shitty relationship and being in a happy one? It occurred to me later it was likely because my parents don't exactly understand my reacitons to things. They don't understand the principles I hold and hence don't understand when he offends them so greviously; hence to them whenever my brother is mentioned I must randomly erupt into unpredictable rages. Or something.

But in any case, I am happy for him.

Hell, with his newfound maturity I've been thinking of getting back in touch with him, though the issue with that is...well, I'm not completely blind. I kind of disappeared from his life for most of a decade and made no attempt to reconnect or even speak to him. I don't exactly think I've got much of a right to be in his life now that he's less of a massive cunt than before.

Ah well. In any case, I hope it all goes well. My other siblings tell me that his new partner is really nice and that unlike with his ex he actually seems happy.

An old instinct makes me want to meet her so I can see if she's good enough for my wee brother; but that's a very small, very faint instinct. As I said, I'm well aware I have no right and she probably knows me as "that deadbeat brother". Hell, on a related point, I wonder if my brother still thinks I'm making up disability in order to exist on benefits? That, amongst other things, is what I meant when I said he was kind of unpleasant; but in any case, with a kid coming, I guess it's best I just stay out of it, let him deal with it without burden. The emotion that I've got left at the end of it is twofold I guess; one is that I'm happy for him; second is regret that the situation with my brother ended up how it is. I still remember when it was just me and him way back in the day. I mean, I was a shit older brother etc, but you know. Thirdly; I'm still somewhat mystified by what my Mum said about me being angry. I mean, I know I've got my theory up there, but I'm not sure. I keep finding myself going back to it. I guess a part of me is just once more shocked at how little my own mother knows me, but then again, this is the same mother who somehow missed my autism whilst growing up so it's entirely possible that she just got it wrong. I think a part of me just turning a few other possibilities in my head, like, did she think I'd be jealous? Na, that's too out there. She knows I'm content being alone. I once expressed horror at a friend of hers' daughter having a kid, but that's because said daughter and the father were like 17, so I'd hope she realised that it was that aspect and not the having-children itself that made me disgusted/agitated/angry , but it could have been that. I did ask my Mum why she thought I'd be angry, she did just say "I don't know" and she was getting a bit sleepy too so I didn't want to badger her with questions but huh.

Ah well. I guess this means I can be someone's Weird Uncle, which, admittedly, is something I kind of always hoped for the chance to be. I don't want kids of my own, that's be a pain, but I'd be a perfect Weird Uncle imho >.>.

*clears throat*. Anyways, I hope everyone reading this is doing well.

EDIT: Also, to clarify for those who've followed me for a while, the ex that my brother divorced is the anti-vaxxer who caught covid at least three times. I always thought it was fucking horrifying that he'd...fraternise with someone so dangerously stupid, especially considering he has a Masters in Biomedical Science, and as I mentioned, he never exactly seemed happy with her. But once again, I am happy for him.

[nozzlebolt]

"Healthcare" farce.

The other day I as usual requested a renewal for two medicines I've used for 15 years - the right stuff. Instead a nurse booked a meeting, claiming that "the doctors" said to meet for renewal, in my journal! Changing, gaslighting.

What is normal is for a doctor to schedule a summons ffs! Instead they had changed the predicted renewal to beg for a needless appointment then! Rotten to the core frauds!! 🤬

This was the continuation from last year, where a nurse had commented that they had free time for "your spirometry", a useless service that I am not in need of at all given that the dosage is already correct, and minimal! The doctor then only renewed for one, rather than the usual four times - a year supply - apparantly going with the nurse by imposing an artificial limitation on the availability of my medicine to push needless services on me! Thus, they callously created artificial demand! I complained about that to the healtcare inspector authority, but never heard from them. Useless. 🙄

Back to today... I naturally unbooked the appointment since I hadn't requested that. Then I went to an emergency room since I had no medicine left. They agreed to prescribe a limited amount, though their function is not to renew prescriptions. The nurse was victim blaming though, needlessly playing devils advocate. So I got my medicine for now anyway.

I will complain to the healthcare inspectors about the begging to be needed despite my chronic condition remaining unchanged. They put my life at risk by playing games - sadistically trying to push needless services on me - instead of delivering on them medicines upon request ffs!

I will schedule an appointment at another clinic than the unreliable beggar one, then really iron in that I do need my medicine upon request, nothing else!

I will not submit to needless check-ups just because of some abusive nurse once had time to spare for needless spirometry, and the groupthink that ensued! I do not exist to fill their slots! That ain't "care", that's blackmail and fraud! I ain't no slave! 🤬

And so, guess what... I will henceforth REFUSE TO LET ANY DOCTOR TOUCH ME AT ALL!! Minimize that! 🤯

AND I will still get the medicine I am entitled to, given my chronic condition.

Ah yes, touching privaleges removed! The client has spoken. 🤫

I am not to be trifled with! 🧐

I am not to be trifled with! 🧐

I am not to be trifled with! 🧐

I'll update, and link this post once I have complained to the inspector about the bad practise, etc.

Update 1: The farce continues.

The new clinic are playing sick games. Will put together a collage of screenshots later.

One "doctor" claimed I don't have asthma, an official diagnosis according to my journal, going against all previous observations from my childhood and adulthood! They then neglected to schedule a meeting, instead a doctor instructed a nurse nurse to tell me to ask for an appointment for the purpose of getting another diagnosis! I commented my objection to the deranged claim in a note in my journal. 🙄

I called the head of the clinic, who was on vacation. I then called IVO (healthcare inspection authority), who were not available by phone like their homepage claims, instead running an unadvertised schedule during summer. I then inquired through the IVO website how a primary care doctor is allowed to go about when questioning a diagnosis. I will lodge a complaint regarding this negligence - grasping for straws to falsely contradict a lifetime of doctors, out of malice! 🙄

After I sent the request again, adding my strong assertion that the other doctors are correct, the clinic today - on the 25:th of July - scheduled an appointment for the 19:th of August, far from their obligation BY LAW of maximum 3 days for a primary care appointment (90 days for specialist). I added a note of the negligence in my journal. 🙄

I then sent my request yet again, where I also inform them of the negligence, and that I will lodge complaints to the IVO regarding the failures.

I have chronic asthma without a doubt. I went to visit a specialist doctor/researcher during my entire childhood! A rolemodel for his field, they call him in the news article below. I'll include pictures or scans of part of the journal for the upcoming collage.

He expressed concern for me upon my transfer to a specialist for adults in the 90:s... rightfully so given this farce from these primary care "caregivers", who are playing games and now a "doctor" even falsely questioned my asthma diagnosis - which is backed up by a ton of data from my childhood, and adulthood. 🙄

(https://www.sydsvenskan.se/2008-06-15/tony-foucard-foregangsman-inom-barnallergologi)

(Salmeterol is a long-acting beta-adrenoceptor agonist. We later opted out of the study since we'd get charged more for the medicine, but I was prescribed it later and it is a component of the medicine I have used for 15 years that I am trying to get a renewed prescription for.)

Instead of believing in the diagnosis first set and observed by specialist doctors way back, primary care employees are now taking turns sadistically abusing me together by playing with my life - attempting to cause emotional distress and mortality salience, as a part of yet another monstrous obedience training - the latest unspoken excuse for deranged sadistic punishment is my refusal to be touched - only warranting my mistrust 100%! Here is the kicker... since I have suffocated so often from my lifelong asthma, I don't get stressed from asthmatic symptoms since that costs precious oxygen. 🙄

I will not be silenced by malpractice, and will indeed never let them touch me! It is the duty of the primary care to take this seriously and make sure my journal says not to touch me for, ffs! That IS my boundry, which no healthcare staff shall violate! It is utter incompetence to fail to take notice! 🤬

Go ahead and shamelessly beat the dead horse... burn the charred bridges that you still can't cross... sink the shipwreck you are in... the deep mistrust is still gonna be there, as it is obviously well deserved! 🙄

Again, none has taken notice of my assertion of refusal to be touched - A doctor I have never met opted instead to abuse me by disagreeing with my lifelong diagnosis, as a punishment. 🙄

Given the psychological torture I am being subjected to by sadistic "primary care" staff, I will indeed lodge a complaint to the IVO before long. 🙄

Update 2 (2019-07-28):

This patient is happy with the medicine and happy with the CORRECT diagnosis, despite the debased attempt above to force ME to suggest otherwise in order for them to provide service. ⚠️🙄

My DEAD SERIOUS no touching boundary for the healthcare staff keeps getting stonewalled. Boundary issues detected! 🕳️🙄

I predicted I'd get the silent treatment next, and thus asked for a specialist doctor. AND I put in an request to renew my prescription for the medicine that does the trick anyway, despite the propagated false claim that it doesn't. It does though. 🛑🙄

Update 3 (2019-08-02):

The other day, I finally got an appointment within a reasonable timeframe, for today. I immediately voiced my reservations in a note in my journal given that I was now to meet the same doc who got things so wrong (including the category, that looked like a physical meeting though it was a non-physical).

I went to the appointment earlier and am now chilling, some time after having gone out again to pick up the medicine.

The head of the clinic - a psychologist - joined the meeting, perhaps having gotten passed my complaint to this patient committee/authority thing since they had called me the day before after I filled in a form (only to minimize my grievance and undermine me though).

I tried to convey my personality and at the suggestion of spirometry and a lung x-ray to see if anything is amiss for instance, I said I can tell things are the same and that x-rays are carcinogenic, respectively. The doc then argued that tobacco causes cancer too, to which I said that is why to not add more risk since I would not submit to be treated for cancer anyway, and that my level of non-attachment includes my own life (I had mentioned my father passed away when I was 18, since we talked about my scool years, and that it was not "must have been difficult" to me). Such is my personality.

Anyway, we then discussed my medication. I requested an aerosol bronchodilator and an aerosol chamber instead of the powder, and suggested to go back to having separate salmeterol, to enable to cut down on the anti-inflammatory corticostereoids (salmeterol can never be prescribed alone though).

Now I'm prescribed Serevent Discus (50 microg salmeterol) twice a day, and Flutide Evohaler (125 microg fluticasone) 1-2 doses, twice a day - instead of the combination one, Seretide 50/250 twice. Also Ventoline Evohaler (salbutamol). GSK city.

The end of the too long story, I hope. There you have it.