#like im happy for him and getting that opportunity but idek if he can take it

[itsgaga]

Dating Jani Lane Would Include...

Request:  “Could you please write some dating Jani Lane headcannons? I love that man and there is only like one fic for him “

A/N: babesssssssssssss ik i said i would be posting like a week ago but life is shit sometimes anywaysssssssss i was thinking of doing a posting schedule so it forces me to post cause i have a lot done just never posted any? bc i am lazy? any who...enjoy!

Dude Jani 

Is a angel

Literally

A goofball

Loves making jokes 

Loves teasing you 

Loves making you playfully angry at him

He is a child at heart 

Dates???

Oh my gosh 

The dates are always so 

Idek the word for it

Let me give you a couple examples of what I can’t explain so maybe you can?

Did that even make sense??

Diner dates 

But you only go for a milkshake 

And you have to share it 

No other option 

You may want your own 

Too bad 

Drive in movie dates 

You may be genuinely interested in the movie 

Jani is not.

Maybe a little bit 

He’s more interested in you

Has you sitting in the back sear of his car

You know Jani is all over you during the movie 

Kissing your neck, nibbling on your ear, cuddling 

Carnival dates

Theres multiple reasons why Jani loves these dates 

#1. He plays carnival games and gets to win you things 

Which in his mind is impressing you

#2. The rides

Who tf doesn’t like rides?

#3. You are always happy at the carnivals which makes Jani wanna take you there everyday

He just really takes you on classic youthful dates 

PDMotherfuckingA

Holding hands 

Hand on back

Hand of waist

Hand on neck

Hand on knee

Do you see where im going with this?

There.Is.Was.And.Always.Be.A.Hand.On.You.

Not a clingy thing

But you remember as a child how you had that one object you just always held onto 

Could be a stuffed animal or blanket

Whatever it may have been it was a source of comfort or security

Thats pretty much what you are to Jani

And obviously you aren’t an object 

It’s more your aura and the look in your eyes

It’s like home to him

He goes on tour and lives this wild life of being a rockstar 

He’s just so high up yk

And you’re what brings him back down 

As much as he loves the way his life is he still wants and needs that sense of home and comfort 

And so whenever he has the opportunity to feel that he takes advantage of it 

And feels like he needs to get as close as he can to it

Bc he knows how fast that disappears 

Which is why he always holds onto you

He doesn’t want that to go away 

Anyways

Yeah, it was no fucking surprise when Jani proposed to you 

Jani had been telling everyone for weeks leading up to it that he was gonna do it 

Told everyone a million different ways he was gonna propose

Ended up doing the complete opposite of what he was telling everyone

He wanted to do something big and extravagant 

He instead did it while you guys were watching a movie 

You were just laughing, making jokes, and Jani just goes “Marry me”

[mangomochi-yn]

[pretty setters tie your hair]

all of haikyuu’s pretty setters x reader

g. v self indulgent fluff wc. 9-12 bullets/ea

contains. sugawara k., kageyama t., atsumu m., oikawa t., semi e., akaashi k., shirabu k., kenma k.

sugawara

starting with this sweetheart ✨

will use pink or baby blue elastics!!

yknow that one mom that does rad hairstyles but you can literally see the child’s scalp?

yeah thats him

he’ll do like a two half ponies that meet into one big pony

but then you feel like your hairs gonna rip off 💀 (yeah this for sure won’t come off throughout the day)

you don’t have the heart to tell him cause he looks so satisfied and happy with tho so 😔

but bear with it and he’ll give you a sweet smile and kiss to your (now very clean) forehead!!

all in all 8/10 and a hug where you nuzzle his neck (hard enough to loosen some strands hopefully) 😁

kageyama

😬 awkward baby!

very very hesitant when you ask and is for sure like nah no thank u

but a few pouts and puppy eyes and he’ll give 😉

and boy suprise suprise!!

he’s actually decent

pretty good actually 👌

(maybe cause he has a big sis that he might’ve seen tie her hair a few times)

so he would’ve been perfect even but alas... the boy’s awkwardness degrades it a bit

this boy he literally avoids touching your neck for some reason

and ur like wat

so 7/10 dont forget to give him thank you kisses 😘

atsumu

ugh love this man but bitch right of the bat 2/10 and maybe a punch to the face 👊

this boi is the devil i tell ya

“eh? ya can’t even tie yer own hair? lol what a scrub”

“fuc u tsumu it’s supposed to be cute” 😠

so. many. loose. ends.

and you don’t even get how cause hes so harsh??

he accidentally tugs your ear and laughs as he “apologizes”

clowns you so much too sayin your hair strands look fat 😪 (like not thick but fat)

literally you look like a clown in the end

and you didn’t even know you could look that sloppy

oikawa

then we have pretty boi... 🙃

could’ve been a solid 7.5 but bitch

does the u g l i e s t hairstyles

(you should’ve known when he agreed so easily and excitedly)

like boy you really do your own hair so nice but no justice for me?? where is the love..

says he’s “experimenting” 🤦‍♀️

and uses 15 different colored elastics and makes you look like a sprinkler (little did you know he was going for an alien look)

like his ties were actually nice and neat but cause of the ugly hairstyle they end up messy and youre just agshdhshshd

laughs manically the whole time 😑

6/10 and a harsh pinch to the waist (boi even had the auDaciTy to complain when u re-tie it)

semi

this babe 💔

he’s... not very good

but does his best!!

gets a bit frustrated too cause like when a strand falls and he goes to pick it up another that was already in his hand falls and hes like 😠 ??? (that one pout he makes)

(so maybe dont ask him again cause poor thing)

(he ties with his fingers wide open like he tryna toss your head or sumn)

compliments a lot tho so you’re like 🥺 ily

“your hair’s really soft babe” “your shampoo smells good too” ughh big phat uwu busted 💕

takes his time choosing the cutest accessory to make up for how its.. not looking too nice

so 6/10 and his fave tuna rolls cause baby deserves it!!

akaashi

ah. here he is

the perfect one™

basically suga but so much more gentle

no hesitation when you ask him too (mama im in love 🥰)

styles aren’t too intricate unlike suga so theres that

theyre v simple but like he still makes them so nice

and the way he softly threads his fingers as he brushes your hair to untangle them before starting?? 😭

idek what else to say man is perfect just 💍

smiles softly when you turn around to face him

so yes 10/10 and my whole heart forever thanks 🙏

shirabu

ma big brains boy 💜

tough part is to get him to do it

he’ll literally sneer and youre like 🙂 bitch

so bug him some more and he’ll give (or if you pretend to ask someone else lol)

then youre ready for the tugs and pain but actually you’re met with... pure gentleness?

👁👄👁 “r u starting already?”

“uhm yeah duh”

soft touches here and there and you literally melt

(sometimes u think he’s being a lazy tease but nah he just doesn’t wanna hurt u)

sadly though this makes it a bit sloppy but like the experience by itself was just👌

try to ask him to redo it and he’ll just roll his eyes

so 8/10 do not ever try to redo it yourself cause if you do he will never do it again after

kenma

ashdhfjskkl lastly our bby boi!! 🥰

lemme tell u 9/10!!!

baby boi has long hair himself so he will be good!

has perfected the messy but cute and effortless look

(cause that is literally him— effortlessly cute)

only tough part is finding an opportunity to ask him

like he won’t say no but whenever hes gaming (aka 24/7) hes just so 🥺 how do you interrupt that

so ya gotta wait till hes walking back from the bathroom or something!!

and he’ll be like oh okay sure

very nimble and soft movements

though it ends too quick cause boy knows what hes doin already 😔

overall, anytime you get him to do it is a blessing in itself. a literal slice of heaven. so never take it off

a/n. all these boys are all the dream boys just saying and i would gladly sell my soul to have hair my tied by any one of them thanks

[oofchris]

⌠ MADISON BAILEY, 19, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, CHRISTINA ' CHRIS ' ANDERSON! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in MACGYVER SURVIVAL SKILLS & NAVIGATION + PROTECTION & ENFORCEMENT; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( speckles of dried paint on fingers, cruising round on a longboard, joints tucked behind ears wrapped in colourful papers ). when it’s the ( sagittarius )’s birthday on 12/27/2001, they always request their PHO from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ mochi, 24, she/her, gmt ⍀

@gallagherintro​

hi uwu, here is a new baby who is not very baby but still a lil baby

 . . . it got quite long so tldr; she’s a stubborn art hoe from california who’s dad died so she’s come to gallagher bc her mom is a professor in the p+e major <3 

parallels

wyldstyle  — the lego movie: 85%

mulan — mulan: 84%

nymphadora tonks — harry potter: 83%

princess fiona — shrek: 83%

robin buckley — stranger things: 82%

here is a full list

HISTORY

potential triggers — car accident, parental death, divorce

so she’s grown up on on the west coast p much ??? her whole life. her mom worked as a bodyguard for sum famous peeps, dad was doctor but occasionally also a medic in the field — they didn’t always see eye to eye and divorced when chris was around nine. it was mostly to do with chris’ future like whether she’d go to spy prep school and follow in their footsteps and her dad didn’t want that for her so they disagreed, and she lived with him instead, living a more or less normal life. her mom then moved away when the opportunity to become a professor at gallagher presented itself, so they’ve really not been close at all since then

lived fairly comfortably, either way her dad had money and her mom sent support too. her father definitely earns less from no longer being in the spy world but he vowed to leave that behind when he divorced his wife and other than a few people from his past popping up unannounced, he kept that vow. they moved around a couple times in order to keep chris safe, and especially when someone did find them ( even if it was friendly ) but mostly grew up in california, and a lot of it is to do with the fact chris loves it there so much

but chris knows about the spy world, what her mom does and the type of school she works at, but it never interested her enough to try and reach out or fight her dad on it as she enjoyed her life 

she remembers her mom as someone stubborn, argumentative, volatile which is the opposite of her dad who was patient, loving and endearing — so it’s a no brainer for her, she loves her dad a lot and he gave up a lot for her while her mom gave chris up for that world, her job, etc aka nada

BUT her dad died in a car accident recently that she was also in but was only a bit beaten up at most ( has some cuts / new scars, learn more below ) leaving her mother to swiftly pick her up and enrol her into gallagher, more to keep an eye on her than anything. 

her mom chose her majors and some of her classes for her, which chris is mad about, but mainly bc looking at what ones were offered she’d def pick macgyver anyway, and her mom argued p+e was a step into the physical and combat side of thing without being too heavy on it ( tho it’s the major she teaches so she’s biased and chris just thinks she wants to be closer ) but tbh ? chris just doesn’t want her mom to be right whatsoever or have the satisfaction of thinking she knows her daughter in anyway at all but she knows if she went undecided she’d probably pick those up again in her second year so she’s just ‘ going with it ‘ begrudgingly as if she has no choice

PERSONALITY

extremely stubborn, which she gets from her mom, would rather ruin her life than go back on something or admit she was wrong, if she apologises for something she'll find a way to do it where she's not actually ever saying the words ' im sorry ' or ' i was wrong ' and would rather start another argument than do that — but obviously she loves other people apologising to her

she is generally nice ??? i just think she can be irritated easy ?????? like a bit of a hot head tho she'd argue she's chill, she is mostly chill but likes to debate, be right, and can be very my way or the high way at times — i’ll figure her out more as i play her bc i can’t tell if she’s mean or not but i don’t think so, just a bit tougher than she needs to be 

in my head she’s like a seb/luc hybrid so . . . take that as you will 

doesn’t dislike gallagher ( mostly ) but thinks all the legacies — even tho she technically is one, she doesn’t identify as one — are entitled spoiled brats and should get their heads out of their ass, doesn't like that being a legacy is even a thing though a lot of it definitely comes from her bitter resentment towards her mom and how she'd have rather leave her and her dad than leave the spy life hbsjhbsjhb also i think bc of her mom she has level 5 clearance which . . . she’s not complaining about but definitely complaining that clearance levels are even a thing, she’s gonna contradict herself a lot, i feel it

MISC

i THINK she’s only arrived, like, at the start of spring semester tbh, she wasn’t here for fall so she is new new

halfway through her first year at stanford studying art alongside film and media as a minor before her mom brought her to gallagher — which she's kind of not happy about like she understands her dad didn't want it for her, she also wanted to just stay in california but the only family she has now is on her mom's side.

she's still enrolled at stanford, though dropped her minor, and is studying online for her major as she's made it clear to her mom she doesn't want to be a spy so she pulled a few strings with the stanford admission board to allow her studying to continue ( idek if this is allowed i'm just pretending her mom is powerful enough to do it ) — it was a big reason chris agreed to come to gallagher, not that she had much of a choice, bc she wants her ‘ normal ‘ life and her ‘ normal ‘ degree regardless of being at a spy school

only her mom calls her christina and she actually hates it so pls dont unless you are trying to get on her bad side — also she probs avoids her mom like the plague so don’t bring that up either

often covered in little cuts and bruises from her skating but she’s got two fresh / soon to be scars on the left side of her face on the top of her cheek bone and on her jaw from a shards of glass when she was in the car accident — she is the type to pick her scabs until they bleed again, too, so i picture her with loads of little scars especially on her hands, elbows and knees

she did learn self defense from her dad growing up and she has studied jiujitsu and akido since she was around thirteen, she also boxes but it's more casual like for stress and stuff rather than something she takes overly seriously

she likes surfing, diving, enjoys the kind of world that exists underwater where it's just peaceful and calm so she will be around the lake a lot / at the pool if you need to find her

she’s 5’3 and never wears heels

pansexual and while it might change i wanna say she's not overly sexual, like wouldn't have hookups for no reason ?? but potentially some one night stands or drunken mistakes or whatever. doesn't look down on sluts but i think she doesn't have the most confidence in that area, or in self esteem in general, so she'll ??? only really have a frequent thing if she feels Hella comfortable

the type to have crushes tho, but not act on them at all bc again self esteem issues 

bit of a tomboy, skater, stoner — though she wouldn't identify as one — really loves movies and can be a proper filmophile, probably has more film soundtracks on her spotify unwrapped than she does actual artists and don't get her started on Women— in film bc she won't stop 

very active, sporty, probs trying to parkour around campus

enjoys painting, sketching, simply creating things — often is filming, riding a longboard, working on some kind of little project she'll take too seriously but won't show people until it's perfect

is a little pretentious at times ??? doesn't necessarily mean to be but if it's a debate on a topic she's passionate about ( such as art, film, etc ) then she will try to ensure you know just how knowledgeable she is on it, she's not afraid to flex but she wouldn't outwardly flex for no reason if that makes sense 

she also . . . feels p dumb at gallagher tbh, a lot of her strengths lie in her creativity and art and now she’s very ??? wtf am i doing ?? but she will continue to act like she knows !

can speak english, french, german and spanish all pretty fluently, italian well enough to get by, knows a bit of japanese bc she’s . . . a weeb sometimes but also bc of her martial arts

CONNECTIONS

FAMILY / CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ( SPY ) — so this would more than likely be before her parents divorce, but she’s not against keeping in contact a little if she liked you, it could have also been a family who reached out to her dad afterwards because while he’d move away / hide his location promptly after, he would still help them if they needed it ( 1 / ? )

FAMILY / CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ( NON SPY ) — same thing, but would have probably been after the divorce, just normal families that her and her dad knew, neighbours, work colleagues, school friends, would more than likely have also needed to be west coast sorta area but if your muse was there briefly, they could have kept in contact once they’d left ( 0 / ? )

LEGACIES — she potentially . . . won’t like you if you’re a legacy and you are egotistical / assholey even a tiny bit, bc that basically proves her argument that they’re ALL like that jshbjsbjs but i wud like her to have legacies that she . . . hates that she likes as well, i think she’ll realise p quickly most are fine lmao

ART HOES — whether they’re into painting as well and they do it together or they let her paint them !

SMOKE / SKATE BUDS — one or the other, both, whatever !! 

A HOOK UP THAT’S EITHER ALREADY HAPPENED OR GOING TO — in my head she’s a bit ??? w sex tbh so maybe plot this out a bit more but can be a ?? positive relationship or a negative one idm

CRUSHES !!!!!!!!! — she’s not even been at the school long but im certain she probs has some already

i’m not good w wanted connections so pls just hmu if u have ideas and as usual like dis for plots / jus message me, i’ll be on discord !! if you don’t have/use discord just message me first on tumblr bc otherwise i wont realise jhbsjhbjhbsj

[studylustre]

(matcha latte anon🍵) hello carol!! first up, i wanna tell you that i love reading through your posts alot!! especially the soft boy™, it's so cute!!! >u

matcha latte (!!!) and the second time i met him (which was 2 weeks after), he remembered my order which was really nice and unexpected. also, i was with my friend that day, and i offered some yam chips (in a container) to another female collegue (since i am more used to seeing her, and also because i’m kinda shy to give him). he came to the table and gave back my container, and had a very small talk, in which he offered us drinks/ice cream but we declined. after my friend left, i continued studying and suddenly, he came to collect my cup which i was going to say thank you, but to my surprise, he placed another new cup of matchalatte for me!! i was shocked and didn’t know what to do so i just mouthed a thank you to him. at this point, my heart is already melting, considering this is the first time anyone has offered me a drink like this. we also said bye when he left. our third encounter: the next day, in which he came but i don’t think he had work. he sat at the chair in front of my table, but i was so HORRIBLY SHY that i didn’t look up that much. i have no idea if he was looking at me or not but it remained like this for about (more than) 5 minutes long?? after that, he went to stand near my table and said “no matcha latte today?” so i replied “yea mocha today” !!!! but we were interrupted by the female collegue who said “haha you talking to customer ah” *in chinese* but in like a jokingly manner. then i think the situation got shy and he said no in chinese once again and then we bid farewell :c. it was such good memories and i never met him after that, and i thought i never will. the only info i had about him was that he’s a year older than me. i think i’m a person who falls in love quite easily haha, so i couldn’t stop thinking about it for quite a while. fast forward to jun 14, i signed up for a school camp (i usually don’t go to camps) with 2 of my friends. it was a camp with 5 different schools. as time passed on during the first day,i couldn’t help but notice this guy felt familiar?? i kept noticing the way he talked, the way he walked, and it hinted me that it mIGHT be him ?? (i’m not very good at remembering faces, and also his hair is also wayyyy longer than before) during that night, i was talking to my friend about how i had a feeling that it was him, but i don’t know if i really want to know if it’s him (bc he seemed close to this girl, and my self-esteem is quite low :c). but i decided that i should just ask him. during the next day, i didn’t see him around often, but i couldn’t quite find the courage to ask him, and i don’t really want to do it infront of my friends. when the camp was nearing to an end, i almost thought i won’t ask him, but man i just went with it, go up to him and awkwardly goes like “wait, did u work in a cafe before?” he seemed hesistant so i thought i got the wrong guy, but NO! IT WAS REALLY HIM! aaaa but we got interrupted again, and one person asked if we were cousins LOL.we didn’t manage to talk alot, but found out we’re in the same school??? but he’s year 3 while i’m year 2. once again, i was really amazed to meet him again such circumstances, and that we were in the same school all along?? i thought i would meet him sometime soon,,, but turns out i was wrong.. i didn’t have any contact of him and once again, as time goes by, i didn’t think much about him again. fast forward early to end jul-early aug, i signed up for a japan uni talk (once again, not something i usually go for but somehow did). on that day, i was thinking about how long i’ve never met café guy but was happy cause i’m over it. but life decides to (idek what life is trying to do to me) bring him back into the picture again! i was waiting for my friend when i suddenly saw this familiar looking guy, i only saw him walking two steps (he’s blocked by a pillar) and i had a gut feeling that it might be him. but this time he was wearing glasses and his hair is short now. after seem peaking around here and there, it turns out it really was him??!?! at that point of time, i was very shy and awkward, it was hard for me to say hi or anything, i was just freaking out. to sum up that day, i basically didn’t manage to say hi to him (regrets :cc). but my friend, managed to find a mutual friend of both of us’s instagram. i went to follow him and found café’s guy instagram eventually!! to sum up, i eventually used my main account to follow him, in which he followed back ( that was like almost a 3 day process uwu). also, i dropped huge hints to lowkey scream *i’m the matcha latte i hope u remember me!!!* aaaa he dm-ed me and ask if im the matcha latte girl!!! we talked abit (not alot really) and (yesterday) he said he’s working but at another chain of the café (which is about 3 mins walking distance to the café i met him & usually go to). he asked what time i was leaving, and since i was meeting my friend, i said around late 5 to 6. he then said his break was only at 6plus, so i thought maybe i can wait a little longer to catch him (but i was a little afraid to meet him as well haha) i was going to pack my bag when he came!!! he immediately came to my table and talked to me!!! but my friend called me so i had to pick up, when it ended, he came back to my table again and we talked for about 20mins?? it was nice talking to him (some context: my mind usually goes blank when making conversations with people!!! >u

hi angel!! sorry for the late reply - i saw ur ask a little while ago but bc i didn’t have my laptop (it was off for repairs) i couldn’t reply :(( anyway, it sounds like ur both mutually interested in each other!! i think u should go for it. i mean, from what i can tell, it sounds like u kinda like this guy (u seem rly excited whenever u catch glimpses of him and idk i feel like he definitely made a big impression on u bc why else would u a) remember all your interactions b) get so excited about seeing him time and time again and c) bother to tell me all this, right? ✨) like it just seems like u both have interest in each other but are too shy to make a move. i think u should go for it bc u’ve already nearly lost him several times now - u only get so many chances and i feel like u might regret it if u don’t do anything and just let this opportunity slide… also i think u might be overthinking it - you may be different people, yes, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing?? also u guys don’t really know each other all that well yet so it’s really too soon to be worrying so much, just try to take the time to get to know each other better and then see how things go once u have a better grasp on who he is etc. u have nothing to lose from giving it a shot, especially since u already hope for it to work out, so why hold urself back and deprive urself of something that could potentially make u a really happy? everyone’s scared of things and it’s natural to be scared of something like this, but it would be a shame to let that fear hold u back from something that could be really great

[cherrykyeoms]

Soulmate!Johnny

Genre : fluff, non-idol!au, soulmate au where everyone has a flower tattoo on their wrist which is plain (has no colour) and when you hold your soulmates hand you wld feel a tingling feeling on ur wrist and ur flower tattoo will get its colour, school years mentioned is based off the education system in UK-Singapore context because idk how the US system works (even after 14 years of breathing)

Group/Member : NCT, Johnny

A/N : and SOOOO this soulmate thing was smth i dreamt of last night im still shooketh by the dream skfkdkfk also in this fic the reader and Johnny are the same age yea :) also sorry if its hella shitty,,, its my first soulmate!au but i’ll try to produce better works if you want more soulmate!aus :”)

————————•

okay but can we just imagine johnny with a flower tatt yes thank you i just died

okay lets begin gogo

okay so when you were younger you never really cared about when you’d find your soulmate

because you knew that it wld naturally come to you

but as you grew you realised that your soulmate could possibly be on the opposite end of the earth and you actually had to at least try to find him

anyways abt yourself - you enjoyed arts and shit and wanted to major in fashion design

and so came the age of sixteen, after taking your major exam you decided that you would study fashion designing overseas since you thought that going overseas would open up more opportunities

and also just so that you could have a better chance at finding your soulmate

so initially you went to LA and studied there for two years

on you third year of college your school provided you with places to go for an internship

there were many great places honestly - France, Malaysia, Italy, S. Korea and a few others

you decided that you’d go to S. Korea cuz you thought that their fashion styles were unique and different as of western styles and you wanted to understand fashion as a global thing (does this actually make sense dkfkdkfksk)

i think i repeated this too many times but its just so that you cld find ur soulmate yeet

so fast forward you’re in SK and alr halfway thru your major project which was assigned specially for amateurs- to create a clothing line for Seoul Fashion Week

so you were working with this fresh university graduate guy and you had to admit, his ideas were hella impressive

it was unique in a way that traditional clothes were incorporated into modern clothings

your ideas weren’t bad as well, he thought that your skills were really impressive for someone in college

so the both of you decided to work on a two-piece line up which incorporated the hanbok in all of your pieces in some way

fast forward again to seven months later and D-day comes

you finally met all the other designers properly and greeted them one by one

you felt a little intimidated by meeting the other amateur designers honestly

they all seemed so good and actually had some experience beforehand so you were worried about how you seemed like to them

your partner, whom you now treated just like your own older brother, ended up with having to bribe you to a treat to starbucks just so that you wld stop belittling yourself and enjoy the night

idek if those kinda things are able to bribe you but im a broke kid so 🙃

djfjd and before you realised it the runway show had ended and it was time for a break

you then saw a new figure there and he seemed much friendlier than the others ard

apparently he had came later as he had to attend an important family event

the tall figure then noticed you starring at him for a while and walked towards you to greet you

“Hello miss, i am Johnny Seo! I’m one of the designers of (design name), it’s a pleasure to meet you :)”

okay let the smiley face be i cld only think of his smile as he says that stop me im soft

you were taken aback for a split second cuz wow,,, such a fine man had come to greet you,,, and he’s really friendly

“oh-ah yes, I’m __________ and im an intern attached to (partner’s name) for (design name)! It’s a pleasure to meet you too!”

as you said that you extended you arm for a handshake

lmao the past few months had made you forget your objective of trying to travel - to find your soulmate

anyways

Johnny then extended his arm as well to shake yours and when your hands met, it happened

you felt a little prickle on your wrists and your eyes widened you looked down to see that the roses and daffodils on them had finally gotten their colour after, after nineteen years

Johnny, with the same realisation, then took your other hand in his

“The pleasure to meet you is mine, soulmate.”

he said that with much tenderness in his eyes and smile before pulling you into a tight hug

you held onto him and sniffed on the scent of his cologne which instantly brought you to comfort after the stresses of the event

after letting go the both of you starred and smiled at each other in silence

it wasn’t an awkward silence but it was a comforting one

okay so you had just met your soulmate at an important event

oh and your partner crued happy tears while filming the both of you in your moment cuz :”)

and from this event, you could infer that your soulmate had similar interests with you

that makes life just 28482848283828383 times better

cuz now you have each other to consult for fashion advice

johnny’s fashion evaluation every damned week

im sorry i just had to

and lets be real

you wldnt have wanted to end with anyone else :”)

okay sorry for this shitty ending

but i wont rlly go on about how he wld be like

cuz i have a bf!Johnny ;)

but thats an idol bf!johnny so if you want a non-idol one yall can request :))

thank you for reading

sorry for much delays,,, i love all of you 💖

[ahrimin-blog]

hello !!! i want to write this intro in a cool way so everyone will think i’m cool & stuff, but actually i’m just the usual loser aka freya who's super uncreative, loves to make my muses suffer and nearly changed nothing about my old muses (except for the name). anyway, i’m super excited to be here and i already love you all, okay ? pls don’t be afraid to shoot me a message if you want to plot because i’m just a loser *plays big bang’s loser* who’s afraid 99% of the time and gets overwhelmed by the simplest things. you can also hit the LIKE button if you want to plot and i will jump into your IMs instead ( even in free running style when i get your love in return ) ! i also apologise in advance if i’m a little slow with messaging and doing replies & stuff, at times i just get a little overwhelmed and idek what’s wrong with me. and wow this is getting long that’s why i will stop here now. under the cut you will also find some information about ahri , it’s messy and i’m sorry. !! death, murder, miscarriage tw !!

-this little bean is a little too passionate police officer and just likes to get herself into trouble 

-regarding her background, ahri  is the second child out of three children. she has an older sibling (if anyone wants a dumb sibling message me) and a younger sibling

-her family is  neither poor nor rich, her mother works in a small restaurant and her father is an independent journalist.  her parents never really payed much attention to her and gave all their attention to her older and younger sibling. often she would wear her older sibling’s old clothes ( but well at least they were comfortable ? )

- though she knew that her parents preferred her siblings, she never really acted up? she was just accepting it and tried to get their attention with good grades , but well even that didn’t work but she was glad that at least she had more freedom because her parents were like constantly focusing on her siblings.

-so in the second year of high school her life took a dramatic turn. ahri got pregnant and of course her parents weren’t very happy about it and ahri as well. they didn’t have money to raise another kid and ahri  wasn’t ready to raise a child. nevertheless, she decided to keep it.

-it was a very difficult time for them and , her father was a rather unknown journalist back then which meant they struggled with money.  that’s why her dad was constantly looking for new stories to push his career and actually one day he found a interesting story which also could actually ruin someone’s life. this story was about a scandal happening at a big and well-known company in korea and if he published that story they would be ruined. that’s why her father tried to blackmail them  (his family didn’t know) and demanded a huge amount of money. however, the head of the company refused to give him the money and tried to get rid off this problem with a different approach. ( we all know what i’m talking about)

-so one day ahri, her father and her younger sibling took a ride home. this day ahri had finally convinced her family to keep the child and the day was just going well.  but of course after some peace something had to happen (blame me). 

-while they were getting back, they noticed a car following them and her father immediately knew what it was about. still, he couldn’t escape and a huge car “accident” (we all know it wasn’t an accident) happened. her younger sibling died before he got to the hospital and her father and ahri were badly injured. although ahri survived her unborn baby didn’t.

-since then everything seemed to go downhill. her parents couldn’t deal with the loss of their child and ahri was just angry. angry about the loss of her unborn child and her younger sibling, that her father ruined everything due to his greed and that the company got away without any damage, just because they had the money and connections.

-her grades started to drop because she was was obsessed for revenge and of course her social life suffered as well and one day she just snapped.

-she had this very twisted idea that she needed some revenge, she wanted to take something from that person (the ceo) , she just wanted to hurt him. but she couldn’t do anything, that’s why she wanted to become a police officer, to investigate on this case again and at least have the opportunity to do something

-so she moved away and although she still loves her family, she’s on bad terms with her father because she blames him for everything. 

now to her personality:

-ahri is a very dedicated person, basically that someone who would rather skip sleep for three days instead of not doing well? she might seem a little detached at times, but actually she’s one soft-hearted and awkward dork who is just overwhelmed by life? she’s a huge cry baby but acts as if she isn’t and seriously takes everything to heart (but well she’s trying to be cool). she might be a little blunt but (she doesn’t realise it) and just pours her heart into everything. she’s like the biggest pushover when it comes to her friends and will always blame herself and feels like she doesn’t deserve them. she also likes picking up trash in the middle of the night, because she’s really into the protecting environment kind of thing. at times she can be a goody two shoes, because she really hates injustice and just tries to make the world a better world and sometimes she takes this justice thing a little too serious. actually  she’s just a huge dork, who actually irons her socks, is very old-fashioned and still has a flip phone and reads newpaper because she hates changes in her life. but if you hurt her she’ll most likely never forgive you.

some plot ideas would be the father of their unborn child (GIMME THE ANGST) ( it’s up to the player what he thought about it and to make it even more dramatic he could’ve been the son of the ceo), a friend who knew her before the accident, someone who witnessed the “accident”, her best friend she could always lean on during this phase of her life, someone who reminds her of her younger sibling or perhaps a friend of her sibling, just give me anything and i will love you! please hurt her but i also have a connection page so you can check this out for ideas as well !

[survivormarmoreal]

Episode #8: "The fajitas are truly guiding me" - Matt

OMG i made it to the merge. Im so happy but now let the game begin.

im so sad. dennis was such a king. and to be taken out by nick... like idek what to do with this merge. ppl i want to work with: nathan, maynor, brian, anna?, matt? idek if i wanna work with brian its just i like meeting new ppl NNN i wanna work with sharky too. but like nathan loves nick apparently. like... no ty!!! nicole... keaton? no ty! my preferred boot order is just keaton. nick. nicole. thats it idc!!! i dont wanna work with like og absolem tho bc theyre all tight without me but the other options arent good either EFKJDSAHKJ. i am waiting for redemption island twist pls and ty although my luck jaydne comes back NNn well these are initial thoughts woohoo

PHEWWWWWW I MADE MERGE BITCHES!!!!!! Honestly that tribal was so fucking cracked and all kicked off in 20 mins at the end with nick revealing he had an idol. and YEET i was so close to playing my idol as well. The fajitas are truly guiding me (even tho i am eating them tomorrow for lunch and I am very excited hehehe) Brian, myself and sharky are gonna align (tho not telling about the idol tho) so woooo lets go merge!

I hate my life. a forced self vote? no thanks. UGH TIME TO DIE!

WE FUCKING MERGED! And I got rid of Dennis. Which I do feel slightly bad about it but it was time to make a move. I playing loose this season and I'm going to see how far it takes me. I have alliances with Maynor, Brian, Nathan, Annabelle, Matt, Nick, and sort of Nicole so that puts me in a pretty good spot as long as I don't overplay and show my cards too soon. I've got to walk the line very carefully. And ngl careful is not my strong suit.

Ok now Let's rank my mergemates. 1) Brian- husband. 2) Matt- second husband. 3) Maynor- best man at my double wedding to Matt and Brian. 4) Annabelle- my fave underrated queen. 5) Nathan- I love him but check back in a few rounds ok. 6) Bryce- we barely talked but he loves Chi Chi Devayne so...I love him. 7) Nicole- ...every season needs a purple edit 8) Nick- cool kid but I'm sooo bitter about wanting him gone 3 tribals in a row 9) Keaton- who?

Well, merge is finally here and i get to reunite with Sharky. Which is great because he was my duo from the begining and now i have Keaton as my other duo.i also have Bryce as well. Nathan wants to work with keaton and I so thats good and i believe he’s tight with Annabelle so shell come along as well. Thats already 5 with me is 6. As long as none of them are targeted first vote and others are. Ill be sitting in a good spot. From here the first vote, i wouldnt mind voting out Nicole. Only one to yet to talk to me besides saying hi.

WEELLLLL!!! I merged, ladies (and lads)!  I cannot believe it, but I have made it!!  I think I know what my strong points are right now in my game and I just have to keep playing on them.  I'm a lot stronger socially now and I want that to continue going into the merge.  I have allies in every single little aspect of this game, and I want to ensure the people I'm not working with go first.  So less than half of these hoes better watch their backs!

Now that I've merged and have freedom with who I want to work with, I'm definitely going to try and solidify my quad-some with Sharky, Nathan, and Annabelle as a final 4 alliance and also make sure that my other final alliances (one with Bryce, who I just met up with, and then one with Matt) also are stronger than ever before.

I usually do like cast run-downs and... idk... I haven't yet in this game, but I guess I will now going into the merge!!

Annabelle - A queent!!  I absolutely love her and wish that a trio of Ariana stans (with Marie) could've gone through!!  I can't wait to strengthen my bond with her and for us to slay this game together! Bryce - I may have just met Bryce in game, but I've known him for a little bit!  We have never really had a full-on conversation, but we have talked in passing and in some League games.  I've talked to him for like... 30 minutes so far... and he's already a top person in this game for me.  Love him! Keaton - idk him, but he's already trash talked Marie to me... so .... bye ! Matt - I adore him... he's... an angel!  I see myself working with him for a long time in this game, and I have to hope he feels the same hehe... Maynor - eh!  I like him, but we don't.... click... so if he goes home... he goes home... :S... Nathan - LOVE HIM!  He's so funny and so nice and he says we have a final 2, but girl... if we get to final 2 together it's by sheer luck because I shoreeee as hell know he's going hard or going home.... and I'm not playing that same balls to the walls type of game! Nick - LOL OK??? Idols replace social play and gameplay ig!!! Nicole - I just wish she was more active because I'd love to really put all my trust in her, but I don't really ever talk to her! Sharky - ANGEELLLL!!! Das my game hubby... I adore him so much... I really thought I was going to go into this game wanting to fuck him up with a lawn mower, but here I am putting all my eggs into his basket and trusting him completely... I hope I'm making the right decision!  I know he's a big threat, but I just lahva him a lot! Ugh..

This challenge is very interesting. Im just hoping that I somehow get enough points to get the high amount. Immunity would be great. Still working out who i could work with and who i would target. I know for sure that im going to be with Keaton and Sharky. Still dont know about the others yet.

I do not want this immunity. There's like weird touchy subjects vibes. If I win it means a lot of people wanted me to get immunity so I'm well liked which will translate to "Threat". I told the jock destroyers to give me negative items. So hopefully if my other allies give me positive scores it will even out to a smooth 0 and I can stay relatively under the radar.

So I went idol hunting and I got closer than I had ever gotten before. I could just tell. So I gave Brian the info and told him where I went wrong. And he didn't find the idol but he DID find a steal a vote advantage! So Brian and I are getting a nice little tool belt around our waists. Now we just need to get all these people to do what we want.

Everyone is being really quiet. But thats okay because this gives Maynor and I a great opportunity to strategize. To my surprise he threw out Nicole's name! Which is great. It might be too soon to go for her because I've been talking Dinah strong for a few rounds now (even though I voted Dennis out). But it's still good to know that she's on his radar. Now the goal is just to set up a F5 alliance that Brian and I can ride to F6. Maynor and I still have The Scream Team alliance and I'm loyal to that. So if I can move forward with Maynor and Brian then I can just fill in the others as we go.

Okay SWIFT UPDATE. Maynor brought up Matt's name and I was basically like "Um...I don't want to do that" and then discovered that he doesn't think Nicole has his back at all. Which would undermine any Dinah strong stuff. And I'm not going to stick my neck out to save her over a vote on my side for a few more rounds. Especially if she might flip anyway. Hmm…

Now I'm getting a chance to talk game with Anna! This night is really picking up. Unfortunately she seems to have some animosity towards Matt. Why does everyone hate Matt? I think he's bloody awesome! Oh well. She also isn't a fan of Nicole or Keaton so I can direct her target that way for a few votes and for now we seem to be on the same page minus the Matt thing.

Sharky and I are still up at midnight. We came up with a tribal vote plan which is awesome. The target tonight is going to be Nicole. I feel like shes a threat and needs to go. Sharky and I created an ideal final 5 which is me, Sharky, Brian, Matt, amd Bryce. My side alliance is Keaton and Nathan. On the outs is Nick, Annabelle, and Nicole. We are saying that Keaton said Nicole’s name and that Nicole said Keaton’s name. But main targetbis Nicole. Hopefully this plan works and Nicole goes tonight.

Things are falling into place baby! So Maynor wants Nicole/Keaton/Matt out. He thinks he can get Bryce on board. Annabelle also wants Nicole/Keaton/Matt out. I know from The Jock Destroyers Alliance that she (and I) have Nathan's vote. Anna also says she wants to work with Bryce. And Bryce told her that he feels close to Maynor. (I'm realizing Bryce is a HUGE social threat and I'm not going to be able to keep him around for too long but for now he's a number on my side.) Now, both Maynor and Annabelle also love Brian. They both also know I can bring Nick to the table because Nick trusts me. So right now I perfectly situated in the middle of a 7 person voting block. Am I a mastermind?

CLASSIC ANNABELLE. I set up this whole majority situation and told her to choose Keaton or Nicole and we can make it happen. BUT SHE WON'T CHOOSE. I love her but she always does this. She's so about being quiet that she refuses to ever make a move. Last time we played together she said I was a bully and never asked her what she wanted. Now I'm trying to be a better ally and listen to her moves AND SHE WON'T MAKE ANY. So frustrating.

Having Keatons name out was good cuz now he wants to target Nicole because she is the other name thats been thrown out. My alliance of mkn is helping get the votes for Nicole which is great.

so the names thrown out are keaton or nicole and its looking like nicole is gonna go bc ppl think shes a better player bc she gets far in tumblr games which like i guess is tea but its just sad that meta has a factor :( esp when shes like irrel in this game noah fence KJFADSHKFJAS. and like maynor prob has f2 with keaton.. but idc i guess she ghosts me all the time so w/e. im just hoping next round we can get like someone whos actually a threat out.

I WON IMMUNITY which means I made single digits!  I'm so happy with myself... I didn't really do much to deserve it, but I'm so happy I won because it means I can be a little more ballsy this round with throwing out names and whatever!

I'm thinking of voting Keaton out as a sort of revenge for Marie, but Nicole's name is out there, too, and I just really want to make the right move to launch my game into the next round in an even better spot!  I feel like the top of the world right now, and I want to keep that high.  The immunity challenge showed that even though I think I'm a fucking mess, I'm doing well enough socially.

As for that, I want to quickly add in that I love all my allies so much.  Sharky just helped me find a vote steal power which will be so useful for the long run of this game, and I cannot wait to use it to hopefully slay.  Nathan and Annabelle are angels and are also really nice for me to bounce ideas off of.  Bryce is just amazing to talk to and I really see him in my longterm plan.  Matt's another person I see in my longterm plan.  Ideally, this is probably my top 6... and I've since grown closer to Nick and we are working together "for the sake of Sharky", but I think he's more-so a side piece for me in this game!

So....I’m pretty certain I’m leaving because nobody wants to talk of anything of substance with me. It’s hard because I know I deserve to go, I haven’t been in a place mentally to give everything I need to, to this game. But that doesn’t mean I want to leave. It’s just hard, Dennis was my number one ally and now that he is gone it’s gonna be hard to reform my trust and alliances with everyone. Oof. It’s alright. Hoping that someone can use me as a vote about now but, don’t think that’s a possibility.

So I am keeping VERY quiet about my disadvantage, as I don't want anyone to know about it and jump on a bandwagon to use it against me! Like no thanks I'll pass. It looks like it'll either be Keaton or Nicole, would much rather it be Anna but she's immune smh. As long as my name ain't mentioned I'll be Gucci I hope. REEEE

Now that everyone is awake it's time to put in some work to execute the plan Anna/Maynor/myself made last night. We need to get everyone on board with voting Nicole. But I also need to make sure Nicole feels safe just in case she has an idol. I'm going to talk to Matt and Nick. As long as they vote Nicole we should be solid. I'm also going to start an alliance chat with the OG Dinah members so that we can talk about strategy and make sure Nicole feels safe with us. Then as long as everyone is telling the truth (cause no one ever lies in Survivor) it'll all be good.

Can i say that Sharky making a fake alliance chat with Nicole when we are planning on voting her out is very cold blooded. Like honesty doing it to try and throw off her scent of the vote is perfect.

I’m so glad sharky seems to be much more transparent with me. I’m really excited to see how this goes tbh I feel like we’d make a good pair. We be played together before and I thought he would be made at me for like wanting him out in canadienne but yeah I’m excited for merge!

Okay the alliances just keep piling up. It's definitely going to cause an issue later on. But for now it's good. And the newest one, The FB Bois, is one I actually do plan on staying loyal too. I really trust Matt and Brian. I like them both a lot and I want to work with them. Hopefully they feel the same. F4 with Brian, Matt, Maynor is my goal.

We are coming close to tribal. Its nerve wracking cuz it looks like nicole hasnt scrambled so she might have an idol. Im going to see if my side alliance would vote for Matt (keaton and nathan). Just in case there is an idol played. But as far it looks like Nicole is going.

For once my name hasnt been a top priority! its crazy... I really dont know what to do about it but im loving it so much... lets just wait though until I get out in about 30 mins...

Nicole is voted out 6-3-1.

[abcmerpaderp]

reunited

so i locked myself out of this account awhile back, and i realize i [mostly] come here when i’m at my lowest. at first it was a good idea for me to not remember my password so i wouldn’t be able to come back here an reread my old posts & whatnot. Now that i’ve regained access and start briefly looking back at my most recent posts, i cringe and couldnt even continue to scroll down anymore.

and so why did i feel the need to come back? the last time i wrote in here wasn’t even that long ago, it was at the end of winter quarter of my junior year.now i’m near the end of my fall quarter of my senior year, still within 2017 but for some reason i felt like so much has changed and i’ve faced some of the biggest difficulties within these past few months that broke me down to the core. i feel like the strong foundation i built myself from the winter quarter of my 1st year to now is completely shattered. i’ve been in a really vulnerable place these past few months and it’s been incredibly hard for me. it’s hard for me in that i feel the need / and have the only option of supporting myself -- with my job and the position i’m in, i’m expected to be a pro at counseling, a pro at mastering and encompassing all healthy habits of self-care, self-love; with what i study, there’s nothing else i should know better than mental health; and with everyone’s perception of me as the happy, optimistic person -- all of these makes it so hard for me to seek solace in others. 

and so with that, i became that same person that i started college with -- a person that kept everything to myself, because i felt embarrassed, ashamed, weak, and there’s nothing i hate more than being vulnerable and weak around so many successful, productive people. 

i don’t even know where to start because these past few months have been an emotional rollercoaster and me just digging deep and writing it all out isn’t going to be as easy as i thought:

1. my backpack was stolen

-- my backpack, which had everything valuable to me -- my laptop, my wallet, etc. was stolen during my second-to-last, yet most successful, thousand dollar event that i hosted and worked sleeplessly on. i was scared because all my shit was stolen, but i was also sad because my laptop, which costed my $780 (covered by a scholarship) had a lot of memories on it that i didn’t upload to an external source. now, this sounds toxic and unhealthy, but i’m a person that keeps all memory keep-sake things, even if some of them were related to past relationships/friendships. so, in that laptop, i had a lot of pictures from a brief, happy yet toxic period that i had with someone who’s important to me. i never uploaded the pictures onto any social media, and i never thought to use google photos, and now all those pictures/memories from those 4 months are gone. i think about it in that it’s a good thing because it was such a toxic period and i deserved better, but i woud still like to have those pictures with me. second point, my mom’s fortune teller knows this very well about me, but i’m a person that stresses day & night over finances. i’ve called my mom crying about the stress of college, LA, etc so much over these past 4 years. trust me, i know i’m lucky than others because essentially, in the end, i am and have had the opportunity to be in LA for the past 4 years, but there’s been a lot of emotional baggage/ guilt that i’ve felt knowing that my parents do everything [which may include lying] to give me the ease of being here -- every year, my dad would tell me about all the new cars that come out and asks me if i needed a car yet and that he’s been having enough/been prepared to get me a car and that i shouldnt worry about anything; he would ask me if i needed more money to spend, and if i did, he was just a few phone calls away; he would tell me that if i ever missed home, to just buy a plane ticket home regardless of the price. however, my parents know i’m hardheaded and they know that i refuse to use their money and all the money i’ve been using these past 4 years have been my own. it wasn’t until my laptop was gone that i had to ask my parents for help. everyone told me “just get a macbook, it’s worth it” yadiyaya, but bruh, if i could afford a macbook for the beginning of college, i probably would. i woul get a macbook in a heartbeat. when i hd to buy my second laptop, i bought a PC first because it was cheaper, and after my parents spent hours lecturing me, telling me to stop being cheap and stingy and hardheaded, that they said they would “lend” me money to just buy the most up-to-date apple laptop (of course, i didnt cus that shit is 1k+) idk, this is hard to explain in words but there was a lot of pain in the fact that i had to buy a new laptop because i was basically wasting 1000 that was unnecessary and stupid. it just broke my heart and it’s unfair because i’ve never never never stolen anyting from anyone; i’ve never stolen anything from a store, and i dont know what the fuck i did to deserve getting my backpack stolen. it just breaks my heart because im a firm believer of karma and as much as i do have anger for people, i never wish the worst for people. alot of things also spiraled from my backpack getting stolen. i lost my passport even though i was leaving the country in 6 weeks and bitch i needed my passport. so my passport was another $200 that i had to drop and a lot of traeling to the passport agency to have to deal with. idk there was a lot of bullshit tied to my backpack getting stolen and i was just at my lowest point and ready to go home for that quarter.

2. my grandpa passed away. and oh my god, i honestly don’t even know if i can write about this. yes, i know, people pass away -- it’s a part of life. but for me, it was just incredibly incredibly difficult and all the memories from that week were so vivid -- i was full of fear, sadness, regret, shame. it’s very hard for me to go into detail right now because it’s still very sensitive to me, but i just want to say i’m really grateful for my grandpa and all the things that he did for me when i was younger. he took care of me while my parents were at work, him and my grandma would take me to the bus to school. my grandpa knew no english what so ever, yet he bought me a fisher-price toy that had the alphabet, and i would press on each letter and it would tell me the letter and a word example for that letter; he bought me paper and pens to let me draw and practice my abcs; he bought AND MADE toys for me because my mom didn’t believe in buying us toys; and i never realized how important and relevant it is until now, but he was a preacher, he was a narrator, and he always, always talked about his history, his stories about Vietnam, and how how how important it was for kids to know history and for kids to go on with education. and look where i am, from high school to now, i’ve always been involved in SEA stuff and i never realized how much my grandpa played into that. and now, i teach others of the importance of knowing our parents/grandparents histories and teaching others how education for us allows us to uplift our community. there’s a lot more i have to say but him passing away was hard and continues to still be really, really hard for me. i cried probably every week in japan, and on his 30th day, i did praers in japan, i called my mom crying tell her what to tell him, i told jimmy what to tell him for me. i wished i could have been there for him, and i’m really really angry at myself that i couldn’t. and even when i couldnt be there for him, he still visited me while i was in japan. he told me even when i’m incredibly stressed, he told me that everything will be okay and that i’ll be able to get through it. i couldnt be there for him when he needed support the most, yet he’s still able to be loving and supportive enough to reassure me. gong gong, i’ll always hold my childhood memories with you deep and close to my heart.

3. a slap into reality -- me thinking i’ve been the best version of myself, the good and supportive friend to all my friends only to realize i’ve been nothing but full of myself and my own illusions; me realizing the terrible person that i actually have been and my lack of awareness and sensitivity to those around me. how tf am i a counselor if i can’t even be there for my friends? me wanting to be there for everyone, while also being scared to reach out and ask the hard questions or even taking the first step. this further led me to being more disappointed in myself -- not being there for my grandpa, not being there for my friends -- how can i say i want to help/support others when i’m the biggest culprit in hurting those around me? 

4. and then there’s me, being vulnerable, and letting others care for me only to realize that i should have never let anyone care for me in that sense to begin with; i’m better off carrying my own emotional baggage than letting someone know my emotional baggage, then disappearing and realizing that my baggage with them was just dumped into the dumpster. please do not let me open up to you, do not let me tell you about my insecurities, do not allow me to trust you, do not allow me to cry to you, do not let me do/share my happy things/activities with you if you’re not going to be in my life for the long run. (this has always been a problem for me, and i know ive been trying to work on it but it’s so hard) but one of my biggest flaws?? idek what to call it -- but one of my biggest things is that i don’t let myself be loved; i dont let others care for me or show me any affection. sure, maybe a piece of that has to do with the fact that i feel undeserving of love (i know, i know, i need to love myself and realize my worth yadiaya, but it ain’t easy) but it’s also because if i let you into my life, i’d do my best and exert all my energy to support you, make you happy, etc (even though, going back to point #3, i’m clearly not good at it). i put so much work into building a wall between me and the world, so please don’t make me tear down years of hard work for something/someone that is just only temporary. and if i start opening up to you, and you start seeing the emotional wreck that is my life (yeah i’m a wreck to others, but to mself, i’m a work in progress so w/e) and you can’t handle this beautiful mess, then just walk out as soon as possible. do not stay because you feel sorry or you feel the need to help me, because trust me, you’re only making things worse. i open up to others and let others in on the wreck of my life not because i expect others to fix me or help me, but to just have someone on the sidelines to cheer me on and be like girl, you is doing good making progress making a beautful work of art etc. it’s like how i love to support people at their dance competitions/sports games/drama or music performances because i know they worked hard on what they’re passionate about, and at the end of all their hardwork, they want to share with others the beautiful artwork that they’ve worked so hard on.  i dont got no talents (lmao) but something i’m struggliing with but still am working on is myself -- and you know at the end of the day, at each tiny milestone that i reach, it’s nice to know people are in the audience cheering me on or taking me out on breaks to rejuvenate myself so i dont overwork myself. so all in all, dont come into my life if youre not gonna stay for the long run. it’s too much energy on my part to break down my walls for others. but you know what, it’s okay because i’m getting better at goodbyes *cue Sam Smith -- Too Good at Goodbyes* <-- you dont know how many times i’ve listened to this && have cried to this bc it’s so good.

I know you're thinking I'm heartless I know you're thinking I'm cold I'm just protecting my innocence I'm just protecting my soul

I'm never gonna let you close to me Even though you mean the most to me 'Cause every time I open up, it hurts So I'm never gonna get too close to you Even when I mean the most to you In case you go and leave me in the dirt

I'm way too good at goodbyes

also, because of all of this, i don’t let anyone, not even my roommates or my closest friends, show any sort of affection/care/love towards me. period. those who are close to me know that i don’t like/do hugs, but it’s gotten worse after this. hugs trigger me. hugs are deceiving. they can feel so real and warm but leave you so cold the next moment. i shiver / sweat when people hug me because it reminds me of the times i get close to people and had to relearn time and time again that i’m not one to get affectiontely close to others. there were two instances where i was really out of it/sad and my roommate hugged me. at the moment of the hug, i felt nothing, but as soon as he let go, i went down this spiral and just started crying omgg; and then a second time with my other roommate, she hugged me so warmly, and i pushed her off and said “no, hugs trigger me please don’t” and i walked out of the room (lol). but i can’t explain this people so i gotta forcibly do the world’s most awkward hugs to everyone around me. but if i’m really close with you, i’ll hold your elbow -- thats my way of showing others im grateful for you in forms other than a hug. 

wow who knew writing could relieve so much. here’s to my roommates for giving me space and not questining me while im crying and typing on the sofa at 4 am. but here’s to hopefully being one step closer in getting over these rough mountains. 

[survivorwesteros]

Episode 8: Operation: If You Fuck With Me you're Dead - Nic

steffen, darian, yall really fucked me up. i am so mad right now. to be fucked over like this i know i considered voting out steffen earlier but i felt bad and went back on it but i feel so fucking mad and lied to and its stupid.

I'm SHOOK! IT WORKED 😂😂😂😂😂😂

ok so first you know we take off on our dragons cause you know DRAGONS FROM AN AUCTION, while at the fantastic meal place, I snag a vote stealer, cause lets face it, Id rather have control of that rather than anyone else so we get back to camp and Jordan wins immunity in basically a second, so yay another Jordan winning streak, but then we have a lot of down time until the vote, and right as Im ready to go to bed, Darian and Ashley message me saying we need to talk and I’m like, wtf I do now I was basically feeling like I just had a ice cream truck fall on me from the sky turns out I wooed them over to trusting me, and they revealed that Lily wanted my head, which shocked me cause I thought we were good, but in retrospect, I did vote her out before so not a suprise but turns out she had leaked her hit list to Darian and Ashley, going from me to brian to nic, with Andrew somewhere in there and you know while I was freaking out, Ashley and Darian were like wtf we do, so then we sorta came up with a vote split plan, and lets just say it revealed a lot it was super complicated but involved me lying to Nic, which we were kinda on even terms but like, when Darian was going over the plan with him, Nic wanted me out so at that point I knew I couldn’t trust him, following such theres been doubt put in my mind that Drew is in my best intentions and in fact was going to vote me out if not for his self vote, I mean it took a hell of a lot of prying to get him to admit that Lily was targeting me so whether he really wants to play with me is a question at this point But while we were gathering votes I discovered some real interesting information 

1. Jordan isn’t to be trusted in this game with me anymore, he went around trying to get me to vote Andrew and everyone else to vote me, and Brian was already hectic and scared so instead of telling him all the info about how Jordan told me Andrew, I played off that paranoia and bonded with Brian against Lily 

2. Luke, literally my secret spy to get me tea I love him, he basically came clean with all the Jordan tea of targeting me and it just was amazing 

3. Andrew I feel is closer to me than ever because I was there with him for a hard time, and I leaked info to him about Lily targeting him, and Jordan telling me to vote him out 

Basically I feel in an ok spot, the only people I have to be iffy about at this point is Nic, Drew and Jordan, and if I can somehow go about Jordan leaving soon, that’d be great but we managed to have everything work out I got a feel for the tribe dynamics And Lily got voted out after coming for me

anyway for darian and Steffen to use my vote like that and be straight up liars is so ugly I hate men 🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊 jk my new closest ally Jordan is a man 

why does everyone think I'm dumb is it because I act dumb all the time ?? probably

OKAY SO THIS IS A RANT FOR MY CONFESSIONAL SO DARIAN THINKS HES REAL SLICK BUT I SEE RIGHT THROUGH HIM He told me lily was out for me so obviously I vote along with him, but the way he told me about it was sus I’m usually good at sniffing out a rat but there was little I could do ABOUT it and it would be dumb to make waves about it now, but I see him. There’s no way he did;t know the votes would be split like that, I think there is a group making puppets out of some of us and I need to figure out who exactly is in that group. I know its Darian and Ashley probably Pines too, makybe not. I also just realized I was accidentally interrogating Darian so I’m gonna chill for a little bit But I see him -.- also fucking LOL at Jordan trying to tell me he was the one vote for Steffen when we already know it was Lily hahaha

Well, I'm pretty sure I just shook this entire game up and I have NO IDEA what's going to happen next... I definitely need to win immunity next week or I'm probs screwed 😂 Getting lily out but I voted drew and he's not too happy about it.  He says we are good but... we aren't.. I know it... I really don't think we are good at all Maybe I'm wrong.. idk😭😭😭 I'm so confused

So that tribal was just quite interesting. I mean Darian and I completely got shit done. But now Darian is most likely going to be a target cuz I kinda made him do all my dirty work.... God I am like an awful person (cwl) Well I mean Darian is the one who went to Nic and Brain and suggested our plan, Steffen went to Andrew... I kinda just sat back and watched everything happen, so hopefully no one will completely know I had a semi huge impact on that tribal.

BYE DARIAN IS A LITTLE SHIT HUH This messy Aeolian gameplay whew

So alot has happened & I'm just gonna use the opportunity to write about it.

Soooo last tribal, I was told me, steffen, darian, brian, ashley would all be voting Drew. However, it turns out they were lying to me. 

Darian? Dead to me. Steffen? Dead to me. I have to admit being lied to and being taken advantage of hurt. But in the end it only showed me the light. I love cutting people out ! Who knew 

I love burning bridges and then using the leftover pieces to build new ones. Cause now, the plan is for me, Jordan (my closest ally), Drew (the person i voted for who i am now voting with), Brian (the person who ive barely spoken to), and Luke (icon) to all vote together and take out one of the Terrivle Trio, aka D*rian/S******/Ashley. 

Also apparently Drew has an idol!! Which is iconic. He could be lying to me but idc bc if he is.. whats new lol If this plan works out I will give every person who voted with me 100 dollars. 

If it doesn't work out I just have more excuses to be mad at the people who betrayed me. 

Also.. me being able to freely express my opinions because I don't give a fuck what happens? a concept. If I get voted out it's no big deal cause I have actual friends in Wonderland. Anyway.... bye guys I'm sure I'll have another one of these as things progress. ALSO SHOUTOUT TO JC......... thanks for that letter. You winning Panem and me winning Westeros... its a prophecy

right now im gonna go to steffen and darian and act sorry. will they buy it...... probably not. they're smarter than that! apparently.

So.. tribal is approaching. I have to admit, with everything that has been planned, I will be a bit disappointed to go home. 

Everything is working so far. We have the majority alliance and Steffen/Darian probably have no idea it's Ashley tonight. In fact, Steffen even thinks I've been rallying against Darian. 

I don't wanna get to confident. But I hope this game turns around

Who knew this was gonna be a tie vote! Who knew Brian was gonna change his vote. 

Every moment in this game is an opportunity tho. Even though I've already sent my vote in for Ashley, I'll still use this to chance to make a deal with Darian and let him campaign to me. And with this tied vote, I can still kinda make Steffen think I voted Darian. Which is what he though before tribal. Hopefully this puts me in a good position 

I'm using this to mend bonds with Steffen/Darian, while maintaining my bonds with the others. Minus Andrew idek him 

(i feel like i already sent a confessional about this oh well) 

Anyway now that I actually have something to lose.. I have to be careful of what I say 

How did I go from on the bottom basically asking to be voted out to being in this good position........ I scream

So that tribal was interesting. Darian and I are now kinda against each other and he is very certain it will be unanimous that I am leaving. Which makes me want to punch sense into him because literally anyone can lie through text.

Anyway. my strategy rn is called "Operation: If You Fuck With Me you're Dead" and if that isnt a good episode title idk what is @hosts. 

Ashley? check. 

Darian and Steffen? we'll see i have tons of abi gifs ready

me before F9 tribal:

me @ Ashley and Darian after F9 tribal: 

me @ Nic and Brian after F9 tribal: 

me shopping for a new alliance: 

me as the Ashley votes came rolling in: 

Ashley and Darian as the votes came rolling in: 

me @ Ashley when she tried to apologize: 

me @ Ashley's begging: 

me when she tried to give me her turkey leg: 

me realizing there are still five more weeks of this game: 

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED I'm soooo in the dark it's not even funny My own best friend who just performed the best show yet with me LIED TO MY FACE 😭😭😭😭

[2016-12-03, 9:15:21 PM] Darian Goggin: I [2016-12-03, 9:15:24 PM] Darian Goggin: Am shook [2016-12-03, 9:15:29 PM] Darian Goggin: What just happened [2016-12-03, 9:18:28 PM] Jordan Pines: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ why am i the worst

Dear damn diary 

well thanks to myanmar for screwing up my sleep cycle it seems Ive been out of the voting cycle due to trying to catch up on sleep, so basically its become a Nic and Darian fight, and if I could look at myself at the beginning of the season, I’d pat myself on the back and say, Raven Symone would be proud of you CAUSE YOU CALLED IT.  So while he did save me last round, Im not saving him if Im in minority, its just stupid at this point, so Im at least going to give him the dignity of giving him a heads up, cause he deserves it at this point, but I knew Id probably not go to the end with him, guess I was right, so gotta go with the flow today cause I am too sick to put in effort here