#like im making plans for substiting classes and getting ready to ask my friend if she’ll drive me to one of the

[aropride]

im literally 🤏 THIS fucking close to getting that single room. or maybe im not actually. but now i HAVE the documents and the next step is to send them to disability. (& then wait for them to look thru everything and decide if im “disabled enough,” and wait to find out if theres even space for me) and then that’ll be that. i’ll have my room. i’ll be moving in in less than two weeks. but the thing is. i kind of don’t WANT to. like i kind of want to not send in the paperwork and fuck this up for myself so i can stay home and not deal with all the shit that comes with living on campus. like the mold. and the loud people. and the cafeteria. and the communal bathrooms. fuck, i don’t even know if they have gender neutral bathrooms. i need to ask about that. but like. i kind of want to stay home. because it’s easier and it’s what i know and maybe part of it is just wanting to sabotage everything for myself but also on a lot of levels it would be easier. i’d get free food and i wouldn’t have to switch pharmacies. and i wouldn’t have to pay $5k per semester. at least. idk if that covers food or just housing. but also like. as previously established on this blog i hate my fucking parents i hate living here i hate it so much. and i love having my own space and i love being called the right name. and as previously established i’m really bad with online classes. but maybe it’ll be better this time? and if i live on campus what if i’m lonely. what if something bad happens. but if i live at home what if i never leave.