#like it's closer to say 'i'm bigender and one gender is fag and one gender is dyke and i prefer fag 90% of the time

[ftmtftm]

I love explaining my relationship with gender and sexuality to people. I love expressing myself in a way that doesn't force me to kill off small parts of myself for the sake of other people's comfort. I love being a butch dyke and loving my girlfriend in a sapphic way and I love being a faggot that thinks men and masculinity are the pinnacle of beauty. I love that I move through the world as masculine and as a man and I love when I trust people enough to let them see the complexities of myself.

I love the little girl that lives in my heart. The one that made potions out of berries and mud in the backyard and taped Polly Pockets onto Hot Wheels cars to race them and flung Barbies across the lawn from wrapping paper tubes to see which ones would fly the farthest. I love the angry young man inside of me. The one who flew hard and fast away from womanhood because people threw it at him like knives trying to pin him down in place. I love the person I am discovering within me as I age. The one smudging the lines around them. The one trying to find where they blur and take root in the fuzzy edges. The one that simply just wants to live in the complex corners of themself comfortably.

I love holding my girlfriend now and thinking about when we were in high school and closeted in different ways and the ways in which we loved each other as two kids who had no fucking idea who they were and who they would be but loved each other anyway. I think she's the most beautiful woman in the world and I want her to be my wife some day and I will love her and call her my wife with the voice of lesbian poets echoing behind me and amplifying my adoration. And I will continue to love being a man through every moment of it.