I love explaining my relationship with gender and sexuality to people. I love expressing myself in a way that doesn't force me to kill off small parts of myself for the sake of other people's comfort. I love being a butch dyke and loving my girlfriend in a sapphic way and I love being a faggot that thinks men and masculinity are the pinnacle of beauty. I love that I move through the world as masculine and as a man and I love when I trust people enough to let them see the complexities of myself.
I love the little girl that lives in my heart. The one that made potions out of berries and mud in the backyard and taped Polly Pockets onto Hot Wheels cars to race them and flung Barbies across the lawn from wrapping paper tubes to see which ones would fly the farthest. I love the angry young man inside of me. The one who flew hard and fast away from womanhood because people threw it at him like knives trying to pin him down in place. I love the person I am discovering within me as I age. The one smudging the lines around them. The one trying to find where they blur and take root in the fuzzy edges. The one that simply just wants to live in the complex corners of themself comfortably.
I love holding my girlfriend now and thinking about when we were in high school and closeted in different ways and the ways in which we loved each other as two kids who had no fucking idea who they were and who they would be but loved each other anyway. I think she's the most beautiful woman in the world and I want her to be my wife some day and I will love her and call her my wife with the voice of lesbian poets echoing behind me and amplifying my adoration. And I will continue to love being a man through every moment of it.
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In light of a certain new fic, I have a Very important question for you. What would Dan and Blair's wedding playlist consist of?
*cackling like a villian* muahahahhaaha I love this question bc it's not only a chance to rec more songs to you and push my taste on all you lovely followers, but it involves some very granular meta soul searching which greatly appeals to me. I am not going to do one of my full unhinged playlists but I will share a few links :)
I think Blair and Dan are def band people over DJ people, so they would opt for live music with a band that can play all the crowd pleasers. Blair obviously loves herself the standards, and so does Dan, for all his punk hipster tendencies, so there's lots of slow dances to be had. The following are selections that I believe the two of them would categorize as must-plays (to both their tastes), which would show up alongside the required reading for every wedding setlist : Whitney Houston, Beatles, Hall and Oates' "Making My Dreams Come True," and "Love on Top" plus Nate's pleas for more bangers
these are curated from the show itself, my Dair & Dan & Blair playlists, plus my personal "Standards to Yearn to," Post Modern Jukebox, and "Good Covers" playlists - I opted for lots of covers because that capture the wedding band vibe to me
This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) - as performed by Scott Bradlee's Post Modern Jukebox
Dreams - The Cranberries
Dancing on My Own - as performed by Morgan James
All the Things You Are - Ella Fitzgerald
Call On Me - Big Brother & the Holding Company
Never My Love - as performed by Jakob Dylan and Norah Jones
Crazy Little Thing Called Love - Queen
Tumbling Dice - as performed by The Gaslight Anthem
Dancing in the Dark - as performed by Scott Bradlee's Post Modern Jukebox
Till There Was You - as performed by Peggy Lee
Thank You - Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats
Still Into You - as performed by Scott Bradlee's Post Modern Jukebox
Songbird - as performed by Eva Cassidy
The Nearness of You - as performed by Morgan James
Time after Time - Cyndi Lauper (DUH)
Like Someone in Love - Chet Baker
Oh Me Oh My (I'm a Fool for You) - Aretha Franklin
What I Need - Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats
I Only Have Eyes for You - as performed by Scott Bradlee's Post Modern Jukebox
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so my younger cousin is flying in to visit from brazil on sunday, and will be staying here for like, the entirety of july. which, don't get me wrong, is super cool! i love the kid! but it felt like a super weird move, considering his parents are the SUPER strict and borderline helicopter parents. even the smallest prank/roughousing with him/his little sister would lead to a strict talking to from his parents, he couldn't ever do anything without their clear permission, that sort of stuff. so letting him fly at alone at 16 to a whole different country and stay there for a whole month seemed WILDLY out of character. additionally, it just felt like a super last-minute trip. it's not like we have any plans to do when he gets here, and the flight itself and stuff only got booked like, midway through june.
and i was talking to my mom about it, kind of trying to nudge some answers out of her, and after a while she went, "yeah, i think they're sending him over here to get away for his boyfriend. see if the distance breaks them off." which, first of all, surprised me because last i checked, they didn't KNOW he had a boyfriend. literally everyone in the family did EXCEPT for them because while that entire side of the family being semi-conservative, his parents (mostly his dad) are EXTREMELY old-fashioned. so clearly something already went wrong. and considering the only reason the rest of the family knew is because one person found out and it spread like wildfire, i have a sneaking suspicion he wasn't the one to tell them, either.
and second of all. they're sending him HERE. to try to make him forget his homosexuality. i couldn't do anything but just wordlessly gesture to the multiple pride flags scattered around my room, then to myself, because really? he has like two other cousins in the us and they're sending him to me? honey i am about to introduce this kid to queer scenes you have never even heard of. he'll be returning home with labels only shrimp can perceive
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azula as zuko’s evil advisor is so funny to me i actually fuck so hard w this concept. she gives zuko advice and then zuko looks across the room to sokka and sokka just discreetly gives him a thumbs up or thumbs down. one weekend sokka, aang, mai, toph, suki, katara, and anyone else who might have a modicum of common sense all go out of town for like. omashu coachella or smth. and when they come back the entire palace is in shambles, zuko’s just sitting on his throne shinji style, and he’s just like “i’m so sorry….. her advice seemed so cogent….. she made trickle down economics seem so reasonable……. why weren’t you there….. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE, GODDAMMIT!!!!!!!” while azula slyly sips from a cunty chalice she had personally made just for moments like this.
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Parts of Blue Beetle I cannot stop thinking about
Jaime’s Gotham U hoodie. I need it. I must buy it immediately. @ DC pls give it to me.
Milagro and Jaime sitting on the roof sharing a drink and just talking. It’s familiar for them, something they’ve probably been doing since they were kids
Milagro drinking too, which feels like SUCH a big brother move on Jaime’s part. Like yeah, sure you can drink, but only where I can keep an eye on you so you don’t do anything stupid.
The way Jaime feels like an adult in some ways and like a little kid still in others. They really nailed the early/mid twenties feeling of being a child trapped in an adults body.
No one pressuring Jaime to get a job and save the house/help his dad. It’s a pressure he’s solely placed upon himself, this sense of responsibility that he’s meant to pull them up and out, even though they never asked anything more from him then to be their Jaime.
The beetle merging scene, horrifying. Looked like something straight out of the exorcist.
When Jaime and Jenny almost kissed, and Jaime was left like half hard and embarrassed. So real of him. It was also another moment that just felt real, even if it was played for laughs.
Milagro during the entire Reyes house attack scene. Like Jesus she had me sobbing so hard. The way she was so visibly scared and crying for her mom, looking at Jaime and practically begging for his help. She was just a scared little kid who wanted her family, who wanted her big brother to come make everything better.
When Rudy was talking about Alberto bringing him over the border when he was ten and Alberto was 19. It’s such a short but emotional scene, and it really adds to the character dynamics. You see Alberto as more than Jaime’s dad, but this kid who also was once scared and overwhelmed by his responsibilities, but still shouldered them because it’s all he could do.
Milagro wearing her dads jacket for the rest of the movie :(. I love her, she deserves the world.
The absolute rage and fear on Jaime’s face as he was forcibly ripped away from his family, unable to do anything, as his father suffered a heart attack right in front of him. The sheer amount of terror he must have felt to realize in that moment that he was powerless and to see his sister sobbing over their father’s body while he couldn’t get to her. Jaime Reyes is a better man than I will ever be, because if I’d gotten my hands on Victoria or Carapax it would have been over for them. Also the way he just kept screaming dad/papa like a little kid calling for their parent after waking up from a nightmare :(. He’s just a kid, he thought he would come home and fix everything and instead he has to watch it all fall apart in front of him.
Jaime and Milagro in general, best siblings. I’d die for them :)
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body-type studies of Nott/Veth. been having fun drawing nott again because of re-listening to earlier cr2 eps (like around ep30) and veths just always fun to draw anyway.
[ID: digital drawing of Nott/Veth from Critical Role on a white background with a faint beige spiral behind her, both versions are wearing simple off-white underwear. on the left is Nott, thin with green skin and messy hair and bright yellow eyes. She's stretching her arms above her head with a grumpy expression. on the right is Veth, smiling and standing more confidently. She has warm medium brown skin, dark brown hair in two braids with a thin headband. they both have thin tails and turquoise tattooed patterns around their eyes. between their heads is a yellow button. end ID.]
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