#like itd just be better for everyone involved. if im awake im going to be ough and in pain and a wimp abt whatevers being done

[carcarrot]

clawing and biting like a cat that does not want a bath

[the-darkgod]

i cant stop thinking about all the little ways my camp could have been more inclusive and how like, desperately i wish that i was a stronger person so i could go and help make a change but its kind of too late and im not really that kind of person so instead im gonna rant about it here (under the cut) bc ive got a lot of unnecessary thoughts but like 

ok we had weekly dances each week and those were Exciting because you got to see ~boys~ and who didnt love that right? except for the (usually pretty small) group of people who ... didn’t love that, and didn’t really love these dances and we would usually just sit around outside and play cards or something (smuggled... kinda illegally lol they Really Wanted Us To Go Dancing) and i mean! there were fun things about it bc you got to connect w/ ppl from different camps and stuff but like .. man do i wish that they had the option for people to just stay in their tents that night instead and like, do a chill night where maybe we’d do other fun things and like! only one counselor would have to stay yknow bc ik most of the kids loved this but itd be so much better if they offered the option of like, not being out so late?

bc like, these dances would go from like to 12 or smth and it was always A Lot for everyone and the next day we’d have to get up at 7 again and everyone was just!! so tired!! and we were like, btwn 11-14 i think like i wanted to sleep!! i mean even just having a counselor back at where our tents were to supervise that wouldve been so good bc like... then when ppl get rly tired earlier than noon they can just... go back to the camp and go to sleep, yknow? bc we dont Need to be forcing people to stay awake that late??

ok and then also we had to do these like ‘date night’ activities in the evenings and it always made me so uncomfortable i mean it did forever and then as i got older and was like then Super Into social justice and lgbt rights and also embacing myself more as a Not Straight Person™ it was even worse but like!! god it was so bad. i felt so isolated bc i was not interested in dating and these were so uncomfortable for me to participate in and like, just unnecessary!! it put so much weird pressure on relationships btwn genders and like none of the kids liked it and like! you can have the gendered camps intermingle or w/e at some events but dont make it weird!!

like we had to do the worst kind of dating games too it was So Weird im just cringing thinking about it like. it was unnecessary to do then and i was uncomfortable then but then looking back im even more uncomfortable bc like!!! we were children!!!! literal children!! omg!!!! 

if i ever have time or confidence or motivation i want to figure out a way to set up like, an lgbt network for this camp. i mean its a scouting group so it is bigger than a camp and like, honestly it would help to know that there are other gay scouts like this bc like... when i was going to camp there the only thing i heard about was a counselor who came out as gay and then was fired and like, man that was heartbreaking to hear. i was writing fun fluffy ship fic once and was terrified that someone would read it and see that it was gay, once i had a camp counselor who had a rainbow guitar band and that felt like peak representation right there. i mean i really had nothing from that community, and since it tied so heavily to my culture it was all the more heartbreaking to feel so isolated from it.

i hope that things have changed since i was going, i mean it’s been like 5 yrs since i left and times have changed outside the camp and people my age who i know are accepting and progressive are now the counselors and heads of the camps. but it was still a bit shocking and a wee bit painful to see them standing excitedly next to their “date night” signs, talking about how cute it was. i wish there was some slightly more understanding, some support, or something. i wish i was still so much more actively involved so that i could be that person to a kid who may need it, but im not sure how. i think its too late, but at the very least, i hope that there is some change. i hope for something