#like literally the closest store that could do pick up within 2 days was damn near in the next state over

[bitchapalooza]

Please let this lady at rent a center come thru get me this deal 😭 it’s a bunk bed that comes with both mattress just for 113 a month like??? Like pleaaase I’ll sell my left kidney, anything to finally sleep without the smell of surprise dog waste wafting into my nose

[chubbyreaderchan]

Technically No | Jacob Black x witch!Reader | Twilight/Buffy the Vampire Slayer Crossover| 1

jacob is over 18+ in this as well as reader! It's also a slight modern au because technology makes life easier man. And no I don't know what timeline this is. It's after Jacob phases and before Buffy dies again. So you might see Glory in this. Also it’s under a cut because this introduction/beginning is super long.

"Did you make it okay?" Buffy asked over the phone.

"Yes, Buff. I'm in my new house. I am going to my new job Monday" (Y/n) said with a soft sigh as she leaned against her new counter, having just moved from one small town to the other.

Sunnydale to Forks.

"Good. I'm glad you are safe." (Y/n) smiled a small yet sort of sad smile at the prospect of leaving the scoobs but there was a job offer in Forks that was just to good for her to not take and she was damn lucky to find a house for rent. She wondered if it was haunted. Not that was a big deal for someone who went to high school on top of a literal hellmouth.

"How's Dawny?" (Y/n) also knew that Dawn's first day back to high school was coming up as well as Buffy's first day of college for the year. "And did you get your course schedule yet?" She stated sitting in the empty living room floor eating her favorite fast food meal. Her moving truck wouldn't be there with her stuff for at least another day or two.

It wasn't exactly a house full of stuff yet, of course. She had just gone from living with her parents to on her own within a flash it seemed. It was as if the universe was pulling and placing her right in the middle of now where Washington.

"Yeah but I didn't get some of the courses I wanted. Have to try next semester." She sighed over the phone. Was it normal to talk to someone you had just left the day before as if you hadn't seen them in months? Maybe not but a lot was happening as the end of summer was coming to fruition. "Dawn is excited to go back to school"

"Interesting... She wasn't yesterday." Buffy sighed over the phone as her friend teased her. "Oh! So I'm going to try to get some essentials tomorrow!" She said suddenly remembering what she called Buffy about in the first place. "What color do you think I should decorate my kitchen in? Green? Red?" Buffy almost laughed again at one of her closest friends.

"You'll know when you actually go to the store. It's not like I can see the house." "Not yet! But you all are going to come visit me some day!" She laughed a bit. Her phone buzzed at her to charge. "Hey... Buffy. I gotta go. Phones is dying. Tell Willow and everyone I miss them."

"Will do." With that, the phone was hung up and placed on its charger.

(Y/n) sighed picking up her trash and began the work to make the floor as comfortable as possible until she could actually buy a decent bed.

--

The next morning, (Y/n) woke up at a fair hour for a Saturday and took a shower. It was nice to wash out some of the travel and sleep stink off before she slipped on her clothes for the day. Then she went to grab her phone as well as keys and her wallet. There was no way she could sleep on the floor for one more day and eating fast food everyday wasn't exactly a healthy option even if she did just arrive in town.

Sure she was still tired from the plane ride but she would stay tired. She need to find at least an air mattress. The car ride was short, it was nice. Familiar. It wasn't a huge change from one small town to another... Minus the demons and vampires. She hoped. It was simple enough to find the small plaza that had a few small shops and even a diner within walking distance of each other.

It was not even remotely difficult to find the things she oh so desperately needed. It was wonderful. (Y/n) was even able to add to her growing collection of magical artifacts when she stumbled into an antique shop. She thanked the gods that her family had loaned her a bit of cash to help her get by until she was fully working again.

Her day was going great... That was until she was hit with pangs of hunger. 'Did I even eat breakfast?' she asked herself before glancing at the time and gasping. She had been out a lot longer than she had realized.

Didn't she see a diner? She walked to her rental car and started a vague drive. Ah-ha! There was a diner.

She pulled in and was seated quite quickly. It wasn't long before her meal was ordered and her attention was drawn to her phone as she waited. There was a text message from Anya complaining about an argument she and Xander were having. (Y/n) laughed softly before responding with her opinion.

While she was distracted she didn't notice the small group enter. Especially a young man who had a slight staring problem. His eyes were locked on (Y/n) as she fiddled around with her phone. The young man was known by most as Jacob Black. A good kid who was madly in love with Bella Swan, his childhood friend.

"Jake... You okay?" Bella another member of the small group asked with concern on her face. An older man in a wheelchair who was previously chatting with the other older man in the group looked at the one named Jacob. A small knowing smile flashed over his features as he looked at his son.

'It's about damn time' Billy the man in the wheelchair thought. "Jake!" Bella's voice called him again, finally snapping the dark haired young man from his thoughts.

(Y/n) who was finally served food sat her phone down finally not even noticing the set of eyes on the back of her head.

"Is she-?" Bella whispered to Jacob just low enough for her father to not hear. "I... Think so... I think..."

"Son..." It was Billy who joined the conversation. "If you don't go talk to her... I will." Jacob's eyes went wide. How embarrassing would that be? His dad talking to his imprint before he could.

Jacob looked at the girl happily eating her dinner and playing around with her technology. Then she giggled. Oh God.

How could it be that just the day before he was trying to convince Bella not to turn into a vampire? That he was so madly and so deeply in love with the vampire girl that he defied Sam his pack leader for turn into dust and be replaced instantly by a young woman he hadn't even spoken to?

Jacob was so distracted by his thoughts he barely caught his father moving to go introduce himself. "No, wait. Dad. I'll go." He quickly stood up and wandered over to the table nervously. What was he going to say? What if she didn't like him? What if he said something dumb?

"Hey I'm Jacob." He said awkwardly, causing her to jump from what she was doing. Her face scrunched up in confusion before she finally looked up. Their eyes locked and it felt like everything stopped. Her heart beat hard against her ribcage at the very tall and dark haired man before her. "You looked lonely. Uhm. I know we just got here. But..." What was he doing? Inviting her to sit with his dad and his dad's best friend for dinner? That's weird isn't it? Especially since he was going to have dinner with a girl he was in love with.

"I'd love to join you." Why did she just agree to crash someone else's dinner? It looked like a family affair of sorts. "I'm (Y/n)!" She suddenly remembered her name. It felt like her face was on fire. He shifted from slightly nervous to having a large smile on his face. How sweet.

He even helped by carrying her stuff to the table. "This is my dad Billy. His friend Charlie and his daughter Bella." Jacob introduced allowing her to sit down. Something in the back of her mind told her that this was weird.

Something was off.

It felt... Magical. She knew magical.

But then Charlie began to talk about how he was a sheriff and the weirdness seemed to disappear. "So...where are you from?" Charlie asked trying to judge if this new girl was going to cause him trouble later. "Oh. Sunnydale," she paused. "California. Also graduated from Sunnydale high." She explained with a small smile.

Maybe it wasn't so bad joining their little dinner. It was nice having people to talk to, especially when one was so new. "What do you like to do Jake?" She said looking over at him before taking a bite of food.

"Oh, uh. I buy and flip cars right now. It's more of a side hustle really." He smiled at her. "Really?" She said with a smile on her lips. "Because the car I'm in is just a rental... If you find anything good will you think of me? I can't pay the rate they are wanting forever." She joked, gently and playfully touching his arm.

It was like fire. Both literally and figuratively. If it weren't for the people she could almost throw herself at him. But then his skin was so hot that it almost burned. "Absolutely." Jacob smiled. "What's your phone number?" He looked almost like a puppy who was just given a treat. She took his phone and put her number in and he sent her a text. A wolf emoji.

Her eyes looked him over again. Then the phone in her hand began ringing. She answered it quickly, it was the moving company.

Jacob watched as she excused herself to talk to whoever. Her once happy self was instantly deflated. Jacob did not like that at all. He felt it. He actually felt the sadness in her. Is this what it was like to have an imprint? Actually feeling their pain? She walked back in and sighed. 

“Are you okay?” Jacob asked with what (Y/n) could only describe as genuine concern. 

“My moving truck is going to be late. On Monday while I’m at work instead of on Sunday.” She shouldn’t be so easy to talk to someone she had only known for 20 minutes. Jacob didn’t like the look on her face one of distress. 

Jacob looked her over again, hardly getting tired of looking at her face. “I have some friends on the Res. Maybe we can meet them. Help you out..” Jacob offered without a second thought. 

“Really?” she looked at him unsure at first. 

Jacob nodded, a bright smile on his face. 

“O-okay” She agreed. 

a/n: Stopping this one here and writing part 2 next. If I didn’t this would be 3000 words. Don’t worry I’m literally going from posting this part to writing the next bit because I already know what I’m going to do. Then I’m going to write a Paul version of this. 

[mascnsmccarthy]

in the eye of the hurricane | self

WHO: Mason McCarthy, various family members. Feat. @snixxem​ and the Berry Men.

WHERE: McCarthy residence, Berry residence

WHEN: Thanksgiving Day, a few days post-thanksgiving

SUMMARY: thanksgiving with mason’s family -- his mother’s side. tainted by mourning, he then continues on a tradition with rachel’s fathers. 

It was official. Mason hated the holidays. 

Sure, there were a few good moments; his grandmother arriving the night before Thanksgiving with presents in tow from the past two birthdays that she just so happened to miss, but it seemed that his mother’s mother was stuck in the past -- instead of say, something he could use for his job, in her wake was a baton that he could’ve used very well back when he donned the Cheerios uniform. Madison always received her usual, but well -- creative arts can last a lifetime. She can use those tools anyday -- he didn’t have much usage for a baton or a new curling iron. 

Especially since... well.

His grandmother wasn’t happy when he walked through the door the morning of Thanksgiving with his freshly-growing in buzz-cut. He wasn’t the last to arrive, nor was he the first; his cousins littering the household and making it seem full again. And despite his desperate attempts, it hadn’t felt full since his father’s fiasco. Even after they moved, it never felt full. 

Various family members asked him how things were going, and they tried so hard to check up on him, but he brushed them off. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to talk about anything. Not to his family, at least. Maybe to Madison, but well -- Madison was never her friend. He hadn’t talked to Madison properly in weeks, anyways. A few more hours ( read: days ) wouldn’t do any damage. 

His aunt was discussing whatever high-end job his uncle had gotten within the past few years, and how they were doing a lot better since moving to Washington D.C. A part of him ached; he only wished his family was doing that well. With the uprising of tablets and e-books, it was only a matter of time before the bookstore closed it’s doors for good. It was still sometimes a shock to him that his mother could afford the house she lived in, still keeping everything she wanted to keep and refusing to take out a mortgage. And yet, here his family was: basking in the awe of smartphones and six-figure salaries. 

It made him sick to his stomach.

But maybe that was the third glass of wine in the past hour talking. 

It was always his mother’s side that attended Thanksgiving, and most other holidays; never his father’s side. They didn’t talk to or about his father, or whatever family still felt like talking to them on that side. It was always at his mother’s house, because according to his grandmother: “It’s the biggest, and the closest. We can all fit like the happy family we are.” 

Happy. 

Bullshit. 

Mason hadn’t been happy in a while. 

But yet, he put on the smiling facade he was supposed to don come the holiday season, and sat at the kitchen island next to his mother while silently listening in on the conversation. He could hear his uncle and his grandfather in the living room, yelling at the television -- he may have been a Cheerleader, but football wasn’t his thing. He was more of a watcher of the players, not the actual game itself. But ever time he brought that up, well -- 

“Some things are better left unsaid, Mason.” 

Sometimes he really, really disliked his grandmother. 

He was hoping this year would be different. Hoped that maybe, just maybe, his family would be off his back. That his grandmother wouldn’t be pulling at the back of his collar, begging him to find something suitable for a wife and family, as if there wasn’t even the chance that Mason could find a husband. That his aunt wouldn’t be rubbing it in his face how Johnathan, the cousin only a few months younger than Mason and Madison, was two months away from a top-of-the-line promotion at a law firm in Virginia. That maybe Devin, the sixteen year old brother of Johnathan wouldn’t sneak off to the park down the street only to come home twenty minutes before dinner smelling like pot. That maybe his grandfather wouldn’t drink himself stupid, to the point where he felt no problem throwing every hateful slur Mason’s way because he decided to wear a dress to his aunt’s wedding. 

He was only thirteen. He didn’t see it as a bad thing. He just wanted to look pretty like his mom.

Mason could hear his cousins upstairs in the guest room -- if one could even call it that. It had been renovated so many times, Mason lost count. Once, it was a study. Another, a small library to hold the books that couldn’t go in the bookstore. One time his mother even tried to take up crafting and turned it into a walking art store. Eventually it was settled upon storage, so who knows what palace of junk the younger kids got themselves into. 

Damn his aunt and her six freaking kids. 

It was on his fifth glass as he helped his mother fluff the stuffing that Mason decided he really, really hated the holidays. 

But, then again...

Rachel always loved them. 

Rachel loved coming over in the morning of Thanksgiving, helping his mother with the vegetables because she refused to touch the meat. They’d engage in conversation about whatever was going on at school; be it the musical, the play, student council -- whatever Rachel wanted to talk about, his mother would listen, and Mason would watch on in awe. He never got to tell her, but Mason’s mother damn near considered Rachel family -- she was at the house often enough. 

If anyone asked him shortly after Mason met her, he’d say that one day, she would be a part of the family. 

But that was saved for his journals. 

Now, instead of watching in awe while Rachel helped prep his family meal before returning to her own, he watched on as his mother did it alone. He helped where he could, but the women in his family were always the better cooks. 

His grandmother’s shrill of a laugh echoed from a joke his aunt told.

The shout of his grandfather still boomed from the living room.

The pitter-patter of feet upstairs still caused the old wood to creak. 

But Mason? 

He was quiet. 

Even when he was asked to give thanks at the table, and to set a prayer amongst their family, he was silent. He passed the prayer on to fucking Johnathan, the family’s apparent pride in joy. And while he sat, doing more sipping at his wine and picking at his food at 2 PM instead of actually eating, he started filling with... 

Anger. Frustration. Determination. 

Sadness. 

But with the sixth glass, the emotions started to fade away into a comforting fuzziness. Each sip took him further and further down that rabbit hole, taking him farther and farther away from the hurt and pain in remembering that Rachel Berry wasn’t there to rescue him from his uncle’s antics. That Rachel wasn’t there to message while his aunt rambled on. That Rachel wasn’t there to compliment his mother’s cooking.

That Rachel wasn’t there.

She wasn’t there. 

And she wouldn’t be again. 

.....

It was only after his family retreated to their AirBNB’s and Mason was alone in his room that night, surrounded by photos and memories of Rachel being in the same bed as him that he let himself cry for the first time. 

------------------------------------------

It was the next day after Mason nursed his almost non-existent hangover that he decided to crawl out of bed. Even though it was the holidays, he was still a teacher, he still had an assessment plan to prep, still had midterm papers on various Shakespearean plays to grade; still had a life to live despite the fact that it felt like he was only going through the motions. 

His phone vibrated on the bedside table; the one that held various photo frames lined with sharpie-boarders and sequins haphazardly glued to the edges. 

Santana. Again. 

He stopped answering after the third call; stopped replying after the fifteenth text message. She had been trying to get a hold of him all break; whether to make plans, or to check up on him. But he didn’t want to be checked up on. He didn’t want to make plans with people he usually saw on the daily. He didn’t want to get out of bed that morning. 

What he wanted he couldn’t have. Never again.

But, then again...

He did have something he could have. Something to hold onto, something to bring some sort of happiness to the dwindling cold that he considered himself to be lately. Something to be the shining star in his world of darkness. 

Literally.

The Berry’s invited him over for tea and leftover pie. 

He knew it was a casual setting. That he shouldn’t be dressing up in a nice shirt and slacks; that he should go just as he is. But Mason didn’t know casual -- not anymore. Not when five out of seven days a week he was wearing business casual. He used to have a great sense of style, but lately... lately he didn’t feel himself. Like a part of him had been missing. 

The door to the Berry residence alone felt like an old friend. The door that he once felt was bigger than the world now felt small; like he could engulf it whole if he outstretched his arms. That suffocating feeling was in the back of his throat, threatening to close in on him as he stepped over the threshold. But there they were, both men, dressed nice and classy -- welcoming him in with open arms as if nothing had changed. They welcomed him into their home without a second thought, without a word out of place -- as if he were home. 

Rachel’s house always did feel like a second home to him.

“How are you holding up?” Hiram asked, passing Mason a tea cup. It was almost a tradition in the Berry household; a friendly tea following a big holiday. It’s where Mason found himself the morning of New Year’s Eve most years in high school and shortly after, before he’d doll himself up and head out to parties. 

“I’m... coping.” Liar. He wasn’t. But he wouldn’t tell Hiram that. He wouldn’t tell Leroy that. He wouldn’t tell either of them that because out of the three of them, Mason was the one who was supposed to keep his shit together. Mason was the one who needed to be strong. Mason was the one who had to keep his head on straight while they were the ones allowed to mourn. 

“We haven’t really heard from you since the memorial.” Leroy prompted; Mason let out a sigh. 

“I’ve been... Busy. Work, the musical.” Distracting myself from thinking. 

“I hope you’re not working too hard.”

Mason gave Leory a gentle smile, “I’m doing whatever I can to make her proud.” 

And he held true to that statement. He was doing whatever he could to make Rachel proud -- both in public, and behind the public eye. Continuing what they started; bringing chaos amongst them all in Castleport. 

But chaos could wait for another day. 

After tea, the Berry men left Mason to his own devices as he wandered the home he had frequented so often. Where his own father was absent, both men stepped in -- he hoped that his own mother was something similar to Rachel. While they occupied themselves in the kitchen, Mason led himself upstairs to the room still shrouded in yellow; still glowing that vibrant color even in what he described as a dark time. 

He missed her. He missed her more than he could ever imagine and more than any amount of alcohol could potentially numb. Because no matter how hard he tried, no matter how many bottles he drowned himself in, there was no escaping the sound of her voice, or the look on her face the last time he saw her. 

By the end of the afternoon he had curled himself atop her still-made bed, plastic-framed photograph of the two of them in hand, asleep. There were tear streaks upon his cheeks when Hiram found him that afternoon. 

Yeah, Holidays really, really, fucking sucked. 

[pendragonshoard]

Riley’s Davekat Fic Rec Masterpost

Long post under the cut...

Davekat, Pre Retcon: 

Paint the Roses Red - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Humanstuck highschool AU

You can't love someone else, and you can't expect someone else to love you. Not when you can't love yourself. It takes a special kind of person to make you understand what that means, though, and an even more special person to help you embrace yourself. Sometimes, if you're very, very lucky, this person will find you all on their own, and they will never really know about the spell that they cast on you because you were too busy working your own accidental magic on them. 

The Morning Dew Betwixt Thine Thighs - NSFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck

You had thought he’d been so adamant about you coming over after school today to ask you out. And instead he gives you a fucking dick in a box and you tell him to take off his pants. Fucking great. Wow you suck.

Two Characters Encounter Alternate Versions of Themselves Doing Things and Then Proceed to Build up Amounts of UST Before Getting Over Themselves and Getting Their Acts Together. - NSFW - Meteor Fic - Multichapter - Complete

Instead of taking the bait, you store your sickles in your specibus and punch him instead. He catches that too, and forces you back against the table, knocking your book clean off the top, and pressing you into it fiercely. His sword is away too. Fucking how is this your life?

The next thing you know, his knee is between your thighs, pressing against your sheathe and nook, and you have a mouthful of Strider, pulling your hair. Your bulge tries to wriggle out, but the pressure over the sheathe is too much, and it's nearly painful but a humiliating pain and it's so perfect you moan and chitter into Dave's mouth, and he bites your lip

Lousy Stupid Goddamn Pretty Troll Boy - NSFW - Oneshot

John introduces his best human friend to his best troll friend. Maybe the three of them sit down to watch romcoms, maybe they're just hanging around a lab in the veil, but whatever the circumstance, Dave has trouble paying attention to the conversation at hand. Karkat is good looking and distracting and it's just not fair. Naturally, he begins distracting Karkat while John's talking. Little touches, lip licks, etc. Karkat gets flustered, Dave is thrilled, John is oblivious. It turns into a competition to see who can flirt the most without alerting John to their UST-fueled game. 

Improvidence - NSFW - Series - Complete - Meteor Fic - Post Game Speculation

Oh, I Miss the Kiss of Treachery - NSFW - Multichapter - Complete - Humanstuck

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you would be damned if you were going to miss the Grimdark concert because of a cold.

In which Dave is the lead singer of a band, and Karkat has front row tickets.

Gray and Red - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Soulmates AU - Humanstuck

The flower—the flower, it's . . . it's delicacy and strength. There's an imperceptible fragility to the boldness of the color. It looks loud, out there and brave, it looks like passion and heat, but a cooler, more human kind of heat. It's striped with a paler version of itself that emanates an ethereal kind of refreshing springtime feeling. It is, to put it in a nutshell, fucking beautiful. In which you only see color once you meet your soulmate, and the first color you see is the same as your soulmate's eyes.

Finally Out -  SFW - Oneshot - Post Game Speculation

The beta kids are released from the juju after a long time. Dave wants to see Karkat and is worried about him. After being gone so long.

Midnight on the Demon Patrol - NSFW - Multichapter - Updating - Demon Summoner AU

Fighting fire with fire is okay in theory but Detective-Summoner Dave L. Strider figures trying to summon corporeal demons to the mortal plane to fight other demons is likely to backfire spectacularly. Sadly for him his inner Knight gets the vapors at the thought of letting anyone else play guinea pig.

Yup, he is totally hogging the demon. What could go wrong? (Oh no, Dave, why did you have to think that.)

Desperate Times Call for Desperate Measures - NSFW - Oneshot - Heatfic

Karkat starts his heat cycle and Dave becomes more culturally aware. Best bros or not, desperate times call for desperate measures. Screwing your best friend? That's definitely a desperate measure.

Wherein our resident ornery troll spends about a bilunar perigee doing almost nothing but examine the specifics of his relationship with our favorite coolkid (the krabby 2 dope remix) - NSFW - Oneshot - Sequel to “Lousy Stupid Goddamn Pretty Troll Boy” - Karkat POV

You are Karkat Vantas, and you’re pretty sure a certain human is burning up your lifetime supply of chill. Not that it was a substantial amount to begin with.

Not Friends - NSFW - Oneshot - Sequel to “Lousy Stupid Goddamn Pretty Troll Boy” - Dave POV

You're still Dave Strider, and you're pretty sure a certain troll is burning up your lifetime supply of chill.

Dave has convinced himself that the thing he has with Karkat is about lust and only lust -- yet when the curiosity of his his closest friends forces him to examine it in more detail, he's acutely uncomfortable with what he finds.

Closeted - NSFW - Oneshot - John POV - John sits in the closet while they fuck basically - Onesided johndave

PWP AU Where John Is A Prankster But His Prank Lands Him In VoyeurLand.

I Don't Know What I Want - NSFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck

It's two AM and you aren't sleeping.

Dave Strider's Stupid Fucking Jawline - SFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck

“So Karkat has a crush on Dave,” Jade says.

You and John both choke on your ice cream. “Where the fuck did you hear that load of garbage?” you demand.

---

Generic high school AU. Dave's jawline is really distracting and Karkat does NOT have a crush on him (shut up, Kanaya).

I Just Wanted You To Marry Me - SFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck

It's Dave and Karkat's 4th year anniversary of dating, and Dave knows he's ready to take the next step.

Curiosity Killed the Cat - NSFW (in the second part) - Series - Complete - No SBURB AU

Paper Hearts - SFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck

This Valentine's Day just might be worse than all of the previous ones, because someone had been leaving you a paper heart every day for two weeks, and you STILL had no idea who it might be.

Status is Green, Captain Vantas. All Thrusters Go. - NSFW - Oneshot - Meteorfic

The first time you'd ever tried to fool around with Karkat, you'd gotten your hands onto his hips and then stopped because he'd started doing that thing where he breathes too fast then feels sick and gets dizzy and has to hide in his room because suddenly being around people makes him feel trapped. The second time it was you who'd backed off, wondering if he'd think you were some disgusting scrawny alien with too many scars and not enough wits to avoid earning them. He'd just pulled you against his broad chest and fallen asleep curled almost protectively around you. You couldn't look at him for a week. This time, so far both of you are still a green for go.

Post Retcon: 

Your Interpersonal, Intergalactic Relationship: A Beginner's Guide - SFW - Oneshot - Meteorfic

A beginner's guide to playing hopscotch, overcoming internalized homophobia, and falling in love with your alien best friend.

Disclaimer: results may take up to three (3) years to appear.

Albinos, Deaf Baristas, and Nosy Friends - SFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck

Your name is Karkat Vantas, you're deaf, and you work at a coffee shop with your best friend, Eridan. Also, some asshole named Dave is way too attractive for words and you can't seem to get your shit together enough to ask him out.

Ambigram - NSFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck

His lips are soft and sweet. They taste like mint and wax and you find it kind of funny that you can separate the taste of his chapstick from the taste of his mouth. With him hovering over you for a change, he’s quick to take charge, tongue dipping down between your lips. You have yet to figure out if he’s naturally a total top or if he’s trying to compensate, but either way it’s adorable; you love it.

You love him.

Damn.

(Sequel to The Morning Dew Betwix Thine Thighs)

To Defy Gods and Devils - SFW - Oneshot 

You're a demon, and he's an angel, and you suppose it was always bound to end like this, ironic or not.

Sugar and Spice - NSFW - Multichapter - Complete - Humanstuck

You remember the first time you really realized you were fucked up.

You were five. First year of kindergarten, miserable as all fuck. The teacher told the boys to line up on one side of the room and the girls on the other. You don't even remember why. You just remember the result.

Within, Without - NSFW - Multichapter - Complete - Meteorfic

Dave just wants to be left alone. What's the point of anything when what's broken can never be completely fixed?

This is the story of Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas, on the longest journey of their lives.

Transstuck Davekats - NSFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck

[Davekat have a sleepover]

I'll Write On Your Cup (Until You Ask Him Out) - SFW - Oneshot - No SBURB AU

"Yeah, well, that means your bestie over here has been writing pick-up lines on my cups for a month, acting like it was you."

---

The one where Karkat and Dave are oblivious idiots and you have to be the one to set them up. Obviously.

Sxyvaan - NSFW - Series - Complete - No SBURB AU

Karkat is a singer with a gorgeous voice and an affinity for simplicity. He’s got a gift for words, a love of classic things (like his ancient VW Beetle), and a truly magnificent temper, and he’s fluent in eighteen foreign languages. Dave is an ace at literally any instrument under the sun, with a master's degree in classical composition. He’s got a stupid-ass poker face, an unbelievably tiny apartment (which he rarely lives in anyways), and a truly magnificent collection of stringed instruments, and he’s a ridiculous idiot. How the fuck they ended up starting a rock band is a mystery to all.

How they made it to number one, on the other hand, is a mystery to no one.

Don't Forget the Sun - SFW - Multichapter - Discontinued but honestly still a very good read

Karkat Vantas always accepted the fact that he was not going to live past nine sweeps. It was just a certainty of his sad, miserable life. At least, that was until his friends found out and decided to hatch a plan to get him out of the Alternian empire. A plan that actually worked.

Now, he was stranded on an alien planet, at the mercy of some strange creature that was either trying to help him or going about some freaky ritual of flirting with your food before you eat it.

Also, aliens have sunglasses.

He was better off dying on Alternia, wasn't he?

The Curse of the Boyfriend Sweater - SFW - Oneshot - Meteorfic

Knitting, it seems, is one of the most dangerous skills that one can acquire. You lose sleep, your fingers bleed, your relationships crumble, you have to fight every iteration of Sollux Captor for the right to--

Why are you laughing? What, you think I'm kidding?

Of Heaven and Earth - SFW - Multichapter - Discontinued but again still a very good read

Dave Strider is part of an organization that eradicates evil creatures that kill humans for food. No one knows where these spirits come from, only that the sooner they are destroyed the better. That is his mission right now, to hunt down a weak new spirit before it can kill anyone and grow stronger.

Karkat Vantas is fucking dead, and if that wasn't horrible enough, now he's being hunted by some sword wielding maniac. At least there seems to be others like him in this world to help him adjust to this mindfuckery.

I spy - NSFW - Multichapter - Complete - Part 1 of a series - No SBURB AU - Rosemary in the sequel

You're just trying to get home, have a peaceful trip, stay as calm as a troll like you can until you get back to your moirail. All that shit. You didn't expect to make any lasting connections on the train, especially ones that live in your area. You definitely didn't expect to meet anyone quite like Dave Strider. Apparently the universe likes to prove you wrong.

Somehow after that train ride, he fuses himself into your life. Another stubborn fucking barnacle with an uncanny ability to inconvenience you at every possible moment. Even while sleeping. But somehow, despite all the trouble, you still feel like he has the potential to make your life infuriatingly better. And you definitely can't act on it or let him know. Definitely.

Perspective - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Meteorfic

ORIGINALLY TITLED: In which Dave Strider and Karkat Vantas are Bored as Hell and Eventually Grow Close to Each Other in Multiple Ways

Karkat wants nothing more then to be entertained, Dave can supply that entertainment.

A story of friendship turned crush between my favorite dorks.

Act one: complete Intermission one: complete Act two: complete Intermission two: complete Act three: complete

We Could Be Wonderful Together - NSFW - Multichapter - Updating - Humanstuck

There comes a point in every man's life when he must ponder the merits of marrying his best bro and roommate of ten years. Or maybe that's just you. Yeah, actually, it's probably just you.

Don't Tap On The Glass - NSFW - Multichapter - Complete - Meteorfic - bonus smutty sequel

When Dave makes two terrible mistakes in the space of 24 hours, he finds himself dealing with them in a body that's not his own.

Astronomy in Reverse - SFW - Multichapter - Updating - No SBURB AU

Dave and Karkat are intergalactic pen pals, originally paired together for an extra credit school outreach project. Now, three years of correspondence later, they're best friends... and Karkat is finally immigrating to Earth.

how...did you tell your friends - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Earth C

Unfortunately, you don't fancy your brother's suggestion on how to break the news to John... There's no other way out of it, you're going to have to just tell him.

Thirteen And A Half Mixtapes - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Humanstuck

"What is it? What is it?" Nepeta presses right up against his shoulder to get a better look. "It's a cassette." Karkat is dumbfounded, "Where the shit do you even get a cassette?"

"Is there a note?"

"No, nothing." He checks the packaging one last time. There's not even a return address.

"Any idea who would send you a cassette?"

"Fuck if I know." Karkat says, "Definitely not John or Jade, though I guess Jade might have access to one. But she would have covered it in stickers or something, not just left it blank. Sollux would have sent a disk, if anything. He'd probably have just emailed me a file instead of going to all this trouble anyway."

"Well, whoever it is, they really don't want you to know that it's from them." Nepeta is inspecting the tape, "This is crazy. This is like..." Suddenly, her big, brown eyes seem to light up, "This is just like a rom-com! A mysterious tape... From a lover!"

tank time - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Humanstuck - Part 1 of a series

>User: Karkat Vantas Objective: Sabotage any and all customer attempts to purchase a live pet from the undermanaged retail hell you call a job.

>User: Dave Strider Objective: Obtain a cat before your sister's birthday next month.

Match: begin.

In Name and In Deed - NSFW - Multichapter - Complete - Dragon Rider AU - Part 1 of a series

“Two brothers face off for the year title in the relay division, against the infamous Scourge sisters all the way from ALTERNIAAAA! Watch these athletes defy the ODDS and the WIND as Ruby and Gold stand up to Turquoise and Aquamarine in a STUNNING show on the beach at mid-afternoon!” Or so the poster had advertised. Yeah right.

OR:

The story of the recovery of one Karkat Vantas, Colonel of Her Majesty's forces, after losing close to a fifth of himself in the war.

So It's Going - SFW - Series - Complete - Retconned No SBURB AU

The kids wake up on earth with a couple very... unique issues. Oh, and eventually there are trolls

Hard To Stay And Watch You Walk Away - SFW - Oneshot - Meteorfic

I thought too hard about scenes that happened in the GO timeline that we never saw the retcon version of and then this came out. The "will we still be able to be best bros" conversation re-imagined for post-retcon. Somehow Karkat is even more insecure. Also I always wanted Rose and Karkat to talk in canon so hey have a bunch of them too, thanks.

Dave Mutters to Self and is Gay - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Meteorfic

"Alright, bite the bullet here Strider, admit it to yourself. The first step to healing is acceptance. Or at least the last step of grief. Maybe? Why does everything gotta be an AA program, handing out steps left and right. Except instead of all admitting that we're middle aged men with an addiction to getting sloshed and beating our wives it's more 'Step 1: have homolust thoughts. Step 2: freak out. Step 3: who the fuck knows. Step 4: acceptance."

What.

“Hey wait shit is someone here?”

Fuck you said that out loud.

Red Ties - SFW - Oneshot - Soulmate AU - Humanstuck

Dave Strider's eyes never turned the color of his soulmates. With his rare eye-color, there's next to no chance they simply share an eye color.

One day he meets Karkat Vantas.

The Eurydice Suite - NSFW - Multichapter - Complete - No SBURB AU

Dream-sharing. A highly illegal little industry in which agents delve into people's dreams and unearth their deepest secrets and memories. And the Strider-Lalondes are the best in the business.

Until Dirk Strider gets his fool ass trapped within the confines of his own subconscious, with his Auto-Responder playing malicious prison warden. To save him, it's going to take a team of the world's most talented dreamers to save him.

Backed by the token rich friend, lead by the surliest extractor ever bribed out of retirement, haunted by the shade of the l8est and gr8est agent in the biz, and on the run through a dangerous tiered dream in a hostile mind, it's going to take a miracle to pull this one off.

Oh Orpheus, sing to me all night...

You're So Fucked - NSFW - Series - Complete - Humanstuck - first part of series SFW 

[Dave and Karkat reunite at a DnD campaign due to mutual friends. Shenanigains ensue]

For Who Could Ever Learn to Love a Beast? - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Beauty and the Beast AU

Karkat is just having an awful birthday. It's raining, cold, and he has finals tomorrow. Literally the only thing that could make it worse would be if some witch from six hundred years ago decided to come cast a curse on him that would make him into some ugly horned monster until he could find true love. If true love is even a thing.

Helter Skelter - NSFW - Oneshot - Post Canon - 2 Daves 1 Karkat - exactly what you think

Dave gets a visit from Future Dave, and between the two of them, they give Karkat the night of his life. Over and over again.

A Bump in the Road - SFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck - this will give you a toothache

After earning his Master's degree in education, Karkat can't find a teaching job, so Kanaya gets him a job as a toddler teacher at a daycare, much to his chagrin. Dirk is his quietest and most behaved student; in fact, Karkat has never heard him speak, and he's curious. What kind of person could raise such a child? And just how long will Karkat's patience last in a room full of two year olds?

Here We Pokemon Go Again - NSFW - Multichapter - Complete - Humanstuck - Part 1 of series

Karkat and Dave meet at a Pokestop while playing Pokemon Go.

Karkat is a 25 year old teacher on summer break who really likes Scythers. Dave is a 23 year old (not so) secretly nerdy DJ who really likes Karkat.

OR Wherein Karkat and Dave meet, catch Pokemon, and maybe fall in love.

Coming To Terms - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Meteorfic

Your name is Dave Strider, and you have skeletons in your closet. Literal skeletons and a metaphorical closet. There's a lot to come to terms with.

In Which Dave has Abs, Karkat has a Nice Ass, Jake Wears a Binder, Dirk Has to Socialize, and John Wields the Power of Balloons - SFW - Series - Updating - Humanstuck - Multiple Other Ships

Also known as "When the fuck does John Egbert find time to fill balloons with shaving cream?"

Also also known as "Despite the title there's going to be a fuck ton more characters."

All I Can Taste Is The Sugar In Your Hair - NSFW - Oneshot - Post Game

Trickster Dave is a god damn treasure and no one can tell me otherwise.

Some scenes from the Rosemary wedding, but really, this is about Dave being high on cherub candy and really, really, really wanting his boyfriend to fuck him. (Not intended to be dubcon, but if you have issues with altered mental states or pushy partners in the context of an established relationship it might be not great for you! Take care.)

In Contrast - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - No SBURB AU

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you are a mutant, a freak of nature with red blood, which is frowned upon. You have been safe for many sweeps, but now your eyes have betrayed your blood color and you have beem practically exiled onto an alien planet. It's a suicidal mission that only your superiors know about, and not one of your friends do.

You are captured and taken into captivity, where you are tortured for information and studied like a caged animal because your species is alien to these...To these humans. These awful humans with their needles and weapons of torture, trying to hear you scream and decipher a language out of it, to see how you react to blood of animals.

Eventually one of your friends hears of your capture and gathers a rescue team, but you have fallen for one of the humans there.

Now your friends don't trust you either. You have affiliated yourself with the humans who have tortured you, and they don't know if you are a friend or an enemy. Everything is so mixed up and screwed that you feel like vomiting your own blood.

Midnight's Son - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - No SBURB AU

Dave Strider's father, a prominent detective, is tasked with infiltrating the Midnight Crew. Dave, worried about his father's safety, decides to do a little undercover work of his own and tries to befriend the boss's son, Karkat Vantas.

If I Lose Everything In The Fire - SFW but its not finished yet so - Multichapter - Updating - Pacific Rim AU

The Kaiju - or Horrorterrors, as the trolls call them - first invaded Earth through a transdimensional rift at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Serving the Condesce in her quest to add Earth to the Alternian Empire, these monsters have terrorized humanity for twelve years. With the help of rebel troll factions and the adaptation of Alternian mind integration technology - The Drift - the Interspecies Defense Program has fought back as the last line of defense between the Kaiju and Earth.

Karkat Vantas was a Jaeger pilot, fought for freedom in the Assault on the Breach that brought trolls to Earth. The loss of his co-pilot left him bitter and full of rage, but desperate times have lead to him being recruited to join the fray once more.

Dave Strider is the best and brightest the Interspec program has to offer. Jaeger Restoration Project Head, highest simulation score on record, and younger brother of the Deputy Marshal - except he's not allowed in a Jaeger.

Nobody expects them to be Drift Compatible.

If I lose everything in the fire, I'm sending all my love to you...

Flight Recorder From Viking 7 - NSFW - Multichapter - Complete - No SBURB AU

Dave Strider is a way-too-lonely transport pilot assigned to a high-pay low-stakes mission over the Christmas holiday. He's got a blistering hangover, a conscience full of nightmares, and an angry copilot. All he needs now is a nice bout of feeling worthless and-- well would ya look at that, he's got that, too. Time for takeoff, Houston, the water's just fine.

Or: In which Dave Strider discovers a modicum of self worth while stuck on a trip through foreign space, with a short, irritable, and annoyingly attractive troll as his only conversational partner for the next two weeks.

i'm at the combination dunkin donuts & urgent care - SFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck

Karkat Vantas is convinced beyond a doubt that his neighbor is some variety of murderer, until they actually meet in person. Highlights include blood at the laundromat, Dave's weird obsession with candles, and a box of shitty swords.

I Love Cheap Thrills - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Part 1 of series

You’ve been trading memes with an international pop sensation, and your drunk ass had no idea.

Classic.

Disengage - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Meteorfic

In which Dave attempts to confess his feelings to Karkat through a mirror and ends up enlisting the aid of the Mayor upon realizing that mirrors do not, in fact, talk back

IN WHICH TWO SETS OF HUMAN BROTHERLY BONDS ARE ESTABLISHED, SEVERAL CORRUPT INSTITUTIONS OF MORALITY ARE IDEOLOGICALLY DEMOLISHED, A DOG WITCH USES GOD POWERS TO MESS WITH EXQUISITELY CAREFULLY PLANNED INFRASTRUCTURE PLANS FOR SOME TREES LIKE A JACKASS,-- SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Post Game - This one is just as much dirkjake as davekat

--APPROXIMATELY A BILLION FUCKING CONSORTS AND CHESS PEOPLE, ALONG WITH A LOT OF USELESS GOD MODED LAYABOUTS ARE LEAD TO SUCCESSFUL COLONIZATION AND ESTABLISHMENT BY A SUCCESSFUL AND COMPASSIONATE LEADER, AND LONG-SUNDERED SOULMATES TORN APART BY FEAR AND DEVASTATING, MIND-BOGGLING STUPIDITY ARE REUNITED AT LAST BY A WISE, COMPASSIONATE BOSS / GUIDANCE FIGURE AND HIS LOYAL, EFFICIENT RIGHT-HAND MAN. THERE ARE AT LEAST THREE CRYING SCENES, TWO KISSES, AND OVER TEN TOTAL MINUTES OF REAL-TIME DESCRIPTION OF LONGING GAZES AND TENDER HUGS. 2 RESOUNDING ENDORSEMENTS OF BELOVED MUNICIPAL OFFICIALS. PRIMERS ON HUMAN/TROLL INTERSPECIES ROMANCE.

THIS TEXT IS SUGGESTED SCHOOLFEEDING MATERIAL FOR ALL REASONABLY GROWN HATCHLINGS GAZING OUT ON THE BLIGHTED WASTELAND OF THEIR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS, WISHING THEY WERE DEAD, AND DESPERATELY YEARNING SOMEONE WOULD CLUE THEM IN ON JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

RATED 8(17)+ AND UP.

You Do Not Disappoint. - NSFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck

He's still staring at you, his milky red eyes are eerie, red in a different way to yours, yours are so brown they look a bit ruddy in some lights. They suit him, and there's so many ways you want to worship his body that he'll sneer at you for. This is just sex Vantas. Get your head in the game. And then when he's riding you he'll smirk down at you and say 'Wildcats' as you finish, and ruin it. You can't have nice things, because Dave isn't inherently nice. He's enough for you though.

It's not so bad. - SFW - Oneshot - Humanstuck - this one is just so sweet ok

A simple 'good morning' can turn into 'we'll get through this together'.

M.C. Escher that's my favourite MC - SFW - Multichapter - Updating - Part 1 of a series - Soulmate AU

Dirk has a plan, when he's 18 he's going to take Dave and get him the fuck out of their terrible lives and start over. Until then being the barrier between Dave and Bro is his only job, his soulmate is just going to have to wait goddamnit. Dave has a plan, it involves getting internet famous and not going gay, easy right? Karkat also has a plan, to repeatedly track down his dumb as rocks soulmate and get him to actually talk to him for fuck's sake.

Ever After - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Mind the tags - Humanstuck - Royalty AU

The job will be nearly impossible. Karkat Vantas - as skilled an assassin as he may be - has never been assigned such a high risk target. But the pay drives him to accept. He will kill the heir to the Dersite throne, and live like a king for the rest of his life. It should have been straightforward and emotionless. When he meets a peasant on the street and gets attached, however, he begins to question whether or not the risk is worth it when all he needs is Dave.

Who Are These Douchebags? - SFW - Series - Updating - Meteorfic - Post Game

Linked stories about douchebags being douchebags.

  Doc Scratch's School for Supernaturally Gifted Adolescents - SFW - Multichapter - Updating - Humanstuck

One minute you get a mysterious message from a man who types all in white like a jackass, and then the next thing you know you're being whisked away to a mystical school for kids with superpowers. If you weren't Dave fucking Strider, this sort of thing might bother you.

A Stunning Tour De Force - NSFW - Oneshot - Earth C

"A triumph." -Dave Strider, about getting his dick sucked for the first time

They're definitely dating - SFW - Oneshot - Meteorfic

She realizes that Dave and she had been holding hands during their entire conversation with the trolls, and idly wonders what they thought about that. Probably just that they were clingy siblings.

Time Displacement: Side A - SFW - Multichapter - Updating - Post Game - Part 1 of a series

After the events of the game, Dave wakes up in a universe that is familiarly unfamiliar. Sburb didn't happen, all their guardians are alive, and Bro is...different.

Knight of Blood (finally) - SFW - Oneshot - Post Game

Ascending? Post-game? It's more likely than you think.

The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You've Known - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Part 1 of a series

There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist.

Slow burn, shifting perspectives; romance really isn't the focus here but it'll still play a significant part; extra content warnings will be posted with each relevant chapter.

two for mirth - NSFW - Multichapter - Updating - No SBURB AU - Part 1 of a series

“Now about that gift I got you, remember how you’ve been all wistful about your concupiscent quadrants? Well I got you something to fix that.”

“What,” Karkat said blankly. “Gamzee no, tell me you didn’t get me sex toys.”

The good news is that it's not sextoys

The bad news is that it's a person.

Off Court - SFW - Multichapter - Updating - No SBURB AU

Your name is Dave Strider, and a hospital wasn’t the setting you had imagined when you thought of seeing your twin again.

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and having Terezi drag you around her weird human legislacerator training probably wasn’t the worst way you could spend the rest of your sweeps.

And then you meet him.

A Ten Step Plan For Wooing Karkat Vantas, Featuring A Multitude Of Illustrations By Your Esteemed Authors, As Well As Tips For The Aforementioned Wooing - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Meteorfic

Kanaya, because she's a saint, makes you a list.

The list is entitled "A Ten Step Plan For Wooing Karkat Vantas" and features a multitude of illustrations in purple pen.

"So we're doing this," you say. Your mouth threatens to twitch into something dangerously smile-shaped.

"Yes," says Kanaya. "We are making this happen."

"Hell yes."

Just A Thing We Do - NSFW - Oneshot - Post Game

“Apparently, you inspired him to try initiating amorous… activities… over these stupid devices!” Karkat waved his phone at him, punctuating the accusation. “Do you actually just casually proposition Dirk while he’s busy with other people?!”

Jake shot him a wide-eyed look, freezing halfway through shoveling a handful of popcorn in his mouth. He slowly lowered his hand, blinking rapidly, eyebrows furrowing behind his glasses. “I -- well, what’s that to any of you, exactly?”

(Or, as I have been calling it, The DaveKat Sexting Fic. ENJOY)

Turnt Heck Godhead - NSFW - Multichapter - Complete - Part 1 of a series - Post Game

Dave Strider is feeling different. Really, everyone is. Steps seem to carry more weight, voices seem to echo more, bodies seem thicker and more full of life and comfort. Something is changing here, on this new planet, in this new universe. The cans of the town seem more real than the buildings of society ever did. And sometimes if you close your eyes and listen there is something like a chorus, or an echo, from a place where things are different--but not by much.

All at once, the feeling becomes too much to ignore, and Dave needs to find out what's happening. But doing so means coming face to face with his old sprite, now become something totally unbearable and unfathomably graceful and self-assured. And now it seems Dave's curiosity may awaken in this new being a hunger...

A hunger for the illest beats ever dropped in the history of paradox space. Beats that could change Dave, and all of his friends, in ways they could never have expected.

Welcome to Davepeta and Jasprose's grand venue: Good drinks, dim halls, chill beats and comfy bean bags The Turnt Heck Godhead is open for business as long as you're open to the feelings it can cause.

Meditation - SFW - Oneshot - Teen Titans AU

"Order is good. It’s balanced. Don’t think on the fly. Don’t try anything funny. You’re not that thing anymore. Not that person you mean. Can’t afford to freestyle. This isn’t a spotlight solo on stage. Don’t start swinging when you can’t afford it. Don’t you dare start swinging.

Focus. Zone in. Zoom in. Focus."

In which Dave attempts to meditate and things end badly.

Book Covers - SFW - Multichapter - Complete - Humanstuck - Part 1 of a series

Karkat has had a shitty life and has had to bust his ass for everything he has. He has no patience for spoiled, delusional, lazy people and this is exactly what he thinks Dave Strider is. They get paired up together for a project in their college English class and when Karkat accidently learns that Dave is fighting to keep custody of his younger brother Dirk, he learns that he may have been completely wrong about Dave and shouldn't have judged a book by it's cover. A story of two damaged boys coming to each others rescue and growing as people. <3