#like my bottling a pr when it mattered has actually been haunting me so bad 😀

[falsegoodnight]

a new header??? it matches better <3 these are the fics I read or reread and enjoyed this month! like last time, i’m separating it into different sections: main list, wips, and non-1d. rereads will be included in the main list and marked with a star (*). 

*note: this list encompasses the fics i’ve read from the 1st to the 28th only

—

main list ~

✰ Don’t Wait Up by reliablyimperfect | NR | 1k

Without Harry’s warmth next to him, he felt the chill of the air creep over his skin. He tugged the blanket down from where Harry kept one draped over the back of the couch for him, grateful. With the blanket, he instantly felt warmer, but it backfired when his eyes began to droop again. Trying to keep his eyes open was impossible, and he was consciously aware of how long his blinks were becoming. They stay closed longer and longer until, eventually, they didn’t open again.

so soft and sweet and lovely! made my heart feel so warm <3 will return to this for some quick comfort in the future!

✰ my ugly mouth kept running by @hadestyles | E | 4k

Sometimes second chances are more important than the first.

rori’s lush writing + abo + exes to lovers = absolute perfection. my fic cameo gives it a bonus too :’) definitely one of my rori favs 

✰ i’ve loved you three summers now honey, i want them all by @softloubabie | M | 4k

The restaurant was small and bright, soft colors filled the walls and tables and fairy lights hung from everywhere. From what Harry had read, the food wasn’t overly expensive but it was still comparable to what you would get at one of the more expensive places. If Harry could he would take Louis to the biggest most expensive and extravagant restaurants to do what he planned to tonight, but this would do.

After being led to their table Harry nervously tapped his jacket pocket, sighing in relief when he felt the small box still there. Tonight was the night. He couldn’t wait till it was time to surprise Louis with all the gifts he got for him. Then finally the big surprise.

so cute and sweet! their kids were so adorable and the proposal so lovely!! they love each other so much <3

✰ love me in between the future and the past by navigator & quitter | E | 11k

Harry's scared of history repeating itself.

this honestly hurt to read but in such a raw and emotional way?? was mad at harry and then sad for him :( this writer duo’s fics never fail to amaze me!

✰ sunshine on my mind by @raspberryoatss | E | 13k

Louis visits Harry in Portland

this was so sweet and lovely! the perfect addition to this wonderful universe! pip’s characterizations and fluff never fails to make my heart feel warm <3

✰ rapture in the dark by @stylinsonsupporter | T | 13k

Harry Styles is a breakout musician who has shed his boyband label in favor of embracing his inner brooding rockstar. His PR team think that his rebrand is the perfect time for Harry to come out of the closet and have devised the perfect plan for doing so. Enter Louis Tomlinson, up and coming (and very openly homosexual) model whose public image as America's Sweetheart is the perfect foil for Harry's new edge. From a PR standpoint, it's a dream come true - a power couple that can slowly coax the public into accepting Harry's altered image. The only problem? They hate each other.

always love a good fake dating au and this is no exception! and model louis >> really enjoyed this!

✰ Maybe, Baby* by thoughtsickles | M | 16k | mpreg

It all feels too easy, too good to be true. It all feels like a scene from Louis' daydreams, the kind of life he'd always imagined he'd have when he was younger and bored at his momma's work, sneaking around the hallways of the maternity ward until the nurses let him in to hold the babies. He'd felt so important being allowed to touch them. He'd told them stories of the lives they were going to have, houses with nice wallpaper that wasn't peeling, yards filled with sunshine and flowers and grass that never went yellow. A hammock to nap in, cuddled up with his husband.

You can't stay here, he tells himself, but Baby doesn't want to listen.

have reread this one quite a bit of times now and it still makes me so happy <3 this Louis and Harry deserve the world <333

✰ Let Me Inside by reliablyimperfect | E | 18k

Louis is Harry’s boss, but Harry is the boss of Louis. 

loved this one! really enjoyed the balance between h&l and how they maintained their dynamic in subtle ways outside of the bedroom while also keeping it separate. very much enjoyed the jealousy as well <3

✰ a scintilla of predilection by @dehydratedpoolfics | T | 20k

There, in the far back of the room, next to the only available seat left, is none other than Harry Styles. Harry, who grew up next door to him, who knew all his secrets as a child and played FIFA with him on Saturday mornings after he would spend the night Friday evenings every week, whose curly hair would tickle his nose as they held each other during bitter cold nights that made his room glow a haunting blue.

love ex-childhood friends with misunderstandings!! louis was so cute and i loved his poetry <3 harry too was so stupid but so smitten and lovely :’) really enjoyed this!

✰ Keeping The Flame Alive by @crazyupsetter​ | E | 20k

Recording with One Direction never felt like this. There’s a couple reasons for that, Harry thinks. One is that they did most of their recording on the road, rushed and in busses and hotel rooms, never in one place long enough to really get an argument going. The other, larger and more important one, is that back then he had the sweetest, meanest little omega around to distract him from all of that frustration.

The first time around, when he’d been recording his debut solo album, it hit him pretty hard. He likes to think he’s better adjusted to it now, but frustration is warring under his skin nonetheless. He doesn’t want to be told what to do most of the time, and he especially doesn’t want to be told what to do when it comes to his music.

What he does want right now is that sweet, mean little omega right in front of him with his mouth on Harry’s cock. Unfortunately, the best he’s got is his own hand and a shared toilet. So. That’s really not going to work.

✰ like it’s a game* by @soldouthaz | E | 32k

There is little Harry hates more than truth or dare.

And Louis.

queen of enemies to lovers! it’s been a while since i’ve reread this but too absolutely no surprise, it’s just as amazing as always <3 sarah never misses!

✰ Too Young To Know by @2tiedships2 | M | 35k

Harry doesn’t present as an alpha… until he does.

really enjoyed this as per usual! exes to lovers is my jam and the added angst of Louis dating someone else at the beginning... love <3

✰ Some Things Take Root* by  navigator & quitter | E | 50k

Louis' ex doesn't get jealous of anyone besides Harry. Harry helps Louis use that to his advantage.

stumbled upon this randomly and decided to reread on a whim... ended up staying up to read it in one sitting! so good!

✰ Safe and Sound (You’ll Always Be) by @all-these-larrythings | E | 58k

When a failed case and a guilty conscience leaves Harry more than a little lost, his boss presents him with a new, less taxing assignment to help him cope. An escape from all the madness is just what Harry needs to get his life back on track. It's just too bad his new client has a grin like the devil, a pair of electric eyes that Harry simply can't get over, and no intention whatsoever of letting him catch a break.

i don’t know how i’ve never read this before??? it was absolutely amazing though! perfect blend of humor and fluff and tension and angst <3

✰ Mind Over Matter (You Under Me) by @youreyesonlarry | E | 74k

It’s dark outside when Harry finishes practice for the day. 

the slow burn in this fic killed me - which is to say, it was perfect! loved how they progressed from working together to being friends to something more and how much they genuinely cared for each other! the hockey was so fun too!

✰ Call Out My Name by frenchkiss | E | 102k

Apparently, it's bad PR to fall in love with the omega you hired to help you through your rut.

Harry Styles begs to differ.

ellen truly knocked it out of the park with this one!! had everything i could ever want: abo, famous/non-famous, fluff, humor, angst, drama, and more! i loved it from beginning to end!

wips ~

✰ ‘cause all our tomorrows lead the way by @loubellies | E | 64k | 7/11

So maybe Louis’ in over his head.

He had signed up for the Bachelor on a whim after his second bottle of wine and well, here he is. He’s just been announced as the twenty-sixth Bachelor and his ass is sweating. Like, literally sweating. He’s positive that if he was to turn around, the entirety of Bachelor Nation would get a nice peek of his ass sweat.

am thoroughly enjoying each chapter!! it’s been a wild ride so far and although things are currently calm, i am still on edge!! but i trust mar with my life <3

✰ Truth Behind Golden Eyes by @lwtisloved | E | 83k | 8/16 

Louis is a royal servant born with magic in a kingdom where his sole existence is outlawed with a war he has no idea he has a part in upon him. Harry is the prince on whom the burden of mending a broken kingdom falls upon and he might be willing to risk it all for a simple servant if only he admitted it to himself.

caught up last night! still really enjoying every chapter and can’t wait to see what happens next!! things are *happening* with h&l and answers are being given!! (love the jealousy too!)

non-1d ~

✰ Keep Me Close (I Need Your Faith) by @princelouisau | E | 23k

Somewhere along the way he had fallen in love and in doing so, had broken the one rule he knew he couldn’t come back from. As quickly as he realised, he decided that he must never dare speak it. He resigned himself to loving Draco in silence.

first foray into reading drarry... and, to no one’s surprise, i loved it! beautiful writing as always and beautiful atmosphere! it’s really not a shock that i fell for these characters and their story when danielle is behind it <3 it had me entranced from beginning to end!!

finally, i myself actually posted a fic this month:

my fics ~

✰ yesterday came suddenly by me | E | 49k | mpreg 

Harry the deadliest member of the NYC assassins’ guild, is forced to face a seemingly impossible task in hopes of finally leaving the underground behind for good, but when ghosts from the past come back to haunt him, escaping the darkness becomes that much harder.

If you read any of these beautiful works of art, remember to leave kudos and comment to show your appreciation!

*if i made any errors, please let me know :)

enjoy!

[scotiaeire]

BOOKS

WE HAVE A LOT OF THEM. PROBABLY A FEW THOUSAND (LOTS ARE IN BOXES STILL WAITING TO BE UNPACKED, MANY ARE STUFFED IN DRAWERS, CUPBOARDS, WHILST MY CLOTHING LIES THROWN OVER THE BOTTOM OF MY BED...)

I LOVE BOOKS. WHEN I WAS A BAIRN, I HAD A ROUGH, VERY POOR CHILDHOOD. WE’RE TALKING, HIGHLANDS OF SCOTLAND THREE FOOT OF SNOW AND ICE, BEING SENT TO SCHOOL WEARING AS MY FOOTWEAR, ONLY WELLIES, NO SOCKS, NOTHING TO CHANGE INTO. THE HUMILIATION OF THE P.E TEACHER ALWAYS HANDING ME (WITH A FAINT SNEER ON HER FACE) SOMEONE’S SPARE GYMSHOES TO WEAR IN SCHOOL WILL STAY WITH ME FOREVER.

I NOW ALSO HAVE A CUPBOARD FULL OF SHOES. IRONICALLY, I ONLY WEAR A COUPLE OF PAIRS....

ANYWAY, I LOVE BOOKS. BUT WE HADN’T ENOUGH MONEY TO FEED US ADEQUATELY (ALCOHOLIC PARENTS WITH A STORMY AS, YET MUCH LESS GLAMOROUS AS, RELATIONSHIP LIKE TAYLOR AND BURTON) SO I RESORTED TO SOME CUNNING TACTICS TO GET HOLD OF BOOKS TO READ.

I READ A LOT OF ADULT BOOKS, BY WHICH I MEAN, *NOT* PORN BUT H. RIDER HAGARD, EDGAR ALLEN POE, (MISERABLE BUGGER), DAPHEN DU MAURIER, ETC. I OUTRIGHT STOLE BOOKS FROM THE SCHOOL LIBRARY AND OCCASIONALLY, FROM SHOPS. FEW PEOPLE NOTICE POOR PEOPLE EXIST, NEVER MIND WHAT THEY DO...

ALL TO SATISFY MY CRAVING FOR ESCAPISM, FOR THE WRITTEN WORD, *WELL* WRITTEN, FOR THE BEAUTY OF LANGUAGE THAT WASN’T A ROW OF “FUCKINGS” AND “SHE TORE OFF HER BLOUSE” OR “FOUR TEENS DECIDED TO GO INVESTIGATE THE LOCAL HAUNTED DERELICT HOUSE” (IN REALITY THEY’D STUMBLE UPON THE LOCAL GROUP OF WINOS AND END UP EITHER JOINING IN THE DRINKING SESSION OF GETTING THEIR HEADS BASHED IN WITH A BUCKFAST BOTTLE..)

SO, WELL, YES, I LOVE BOOKS. HARDBACK, PAPERBACK, DOESN’T MATTER SO LONG AS I LOVE THE STORY, THE WRITING, THE SKILL, AND THAT I CAN LOSE MYSELF IN IT ALL.

DESPITE WHAT I’VE SAID, I’M NO LITERARY SNOB. WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT, READ THE BUGGER, I DON’T CARE.

MY SOAPBOX RANT IS LANGUAGE. AN EXAMPLE...”THE TERROR” BY DAN SIMMONS. BASED ON THE INFAMOUS FRANKLIN VOYAGE TO FIND THE NORTHWEST PASSAGE. (MADE A GREAT TV SERIES ASIDE FROM THE LET-DOWN CGI CREATURE. SORRY. THAT WAS BAD THOUGH.)

BUT ONE THING THE SERIES HAD OVER AND ABOVE THE BOOK WAS THE SPEECH, THE LANGUAGE.

YOU SEE, I’M OLD. AND I HAD GRANDPARENTS BORN IN THE 1800′S. AND I SPOKE ABOUT SO MANY THINGS WITH THEM. I LOVED TO SIT AND LISTEN TO THEM TALK OF THEIR LIVES, BECAUSE TO ME, IT WAS ANOTHER FORM OF ESCAPISM AND BECAUSE THEY LED FASCINATING LIVES.

SO I *KNOW* HOW PEOPLE OF THE TIME PERIOD IN THE TERROR SPOKE. I *KNOW* THE LIKELIHOOD OF UMPTEEN “FUCKINGS” AND “HIS PR*CK HARDENED* WAS UNLIKELY TO HAVE BEEN UTTERED....

AND THANKFULLY, THE SERIES LEFT IT OUT.

ASIDE FROM THAT, HE WROTE A GOOD NOVEL, WELL RESEARCHED REGARDING MARITIME HISTORY AND THE ACTUAL EVENTS.

WHY IS IT THAT BOOKS, LIKE ALMOST EVERY FILM NOW, IS SO FULL OF NOTHING BUT SWEARING? WHY IS THAT, THAT IT’S BECOME THE NORM TO HEAR IT IN EVERYDAY LANGUAGE WHEN THE WORD “FUCK” ITSELF MEANS NOTHING OF IMPORTANCE COMPARED TO WHAT IT USED TO MEAN?

IT SEEMS TO JUST FILL OUT A SENTENCE, IT SEEMS TO ROLL OFF THE TONGUE ALONG WITH “C*NT” AND OTHER WORDS AND THEY BRING NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, TO EITHER FILM SCRIPT OR BOOK.

(UNLESS YOU’RE READING “TRAINSPOTTING” OR THE LIKE. THEN EXPECT IT)

GEORGE R R MARTIN’S GREAT UNFINISHED (NON) LEGACY, “GAME OF THRONES”. SOMEBODY SHOULD COUNT THE “FUCKS” IN THAT. (FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH, I LOVED THE SHOW, BUT THEN I’VE ALSO STILL TO WATCH THE LAST SEASON AND FROM WHAT I READ I’M WONDERING IF I SHOULD) BUT I REMEMBER WAY BACK, DECADES AGO, READING HIS “DYING OF THE LIGHT” AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH THE BOOK IMMEDIATELY. GIVE IT A CHANCE. IT’S FAR DIFFERENT FROM GAME OF THRONES.

I LOVE BOOKS, DID I MENTION THAT? BOOKSHELVES FULL OF THEM LIKE COMFORT BLANKETS FOR THE COTTAGE WALLS. MOST OF THEM ARE OLD BUT THE MODERN ONES I HAVE, I’VE HAD TO HUNT DOWN AND MAKE SURE THERE’S A STORY THAT HASN’T BEEN DONE A HUNDRED TIMES BEFORE (WE CAN ONLY SUFFER SO MANY SPARKLY VAMPIRE STORIES) AND THAT HAS ACTUAL...WORDS...IN IT THAT MEAN THINGS. NOT JUST PEOPLE SWEARING AT ONE ANOTHER BEFORE THEY HUMP.

A STORY WITH LANGUAGE.

COME TO THAT, I WISH SOMEONE WOULD GIVE SCRIPTWRITERS A GOOD KICK UP THE BACKSIDE TOO AND GET *THEM* TO WRITE ACTUAL SCRIPTS WITH LANGUAGE....BUT I SUPPOSE THAT’S TOO MUCH TO HOPE FOR.

FINALLY, FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE J K ROWLING FANS, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT, I HAVEN’T SEEN “HARRY POTTER” NOR READ THE BOOKS.

BUT FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS, *STOP* CALLING HER SCOTTISH!

SHE’S ENGLISH BORN AND BRED. SHE WENT TO SCOTLAND TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE FREE EDUCATION SYSTEM, AS SO MANY DO. IT REPAID HER WELL.

SO WELL SHE FELT ENABLED TO STICK HER TUPPENCE WORTH INTO THE LAST SCOTTISH INDEPENDENCE REFERENDUM BY TELLING HER MANY FANS TO VOTE “NO” TO FREEDOM FOR SCOTLAND.

BITCH.

AYE, I SWORE. BAD ME....

LAST TIME I HEARD, SHE’D CHANGED HER MIND. POINT IS, SOMEONE WHO LIVES A WHILE IN SCOTLAND ON A FREE EDUCATION SYSTEM, MAKES A FORTUNE ON THE BACK OF IT, THEN RETURNS TO ENGLAND AND FROM THERE, DICTATES WHAT SCOTS SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT DO WITH THEIR COUNTRY *IS* A TOTAL BITCH.

SO ENJOY HER FANTASIES BY ALL MEANS. BUT DON’T PRETEND THE PERSON BEHIND THE WRITING IS ANYONE YOU ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT.

WELL, END OF, NOT A RANT, JUST A FEW OBSERVATIONS REALLY.

I TOO AM A WRITER. NON FICTION FOR NOW. BOOK WILL BE OUT NEXT YEAR. I WON’T MENTION HERE WHAT IT IS BECAUSE TUMBLR IS A YOUNGER FOLKS PLACE SO I KNOW IT WOULDN’T BE ANYONE’S FLASK OF UISGE BEATHA.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PUT IN YOUR MIND. YOU NEVER GET RID OF IT ONCE IT’S IN THERE. AND IF ALL YOU’RE READING IS SWEARING AND BONKING, YOU’RE MISSING OUT ON *SO* MANY BEAUTIFUL, POWERFUL, IMMERSIVE STORIES THAT DRAW YOU TRULY INTO THEM TO THE POINT YOU FEEL LIKE A CHARACTER WITHIN THE TALE. AND THAT YOU’RE HAPPY TO BE THERE.

AND AGAIN, BECAUSE I SEE THIS A LOT..FOR THOSE OF YOU CALLING J K ROWLING SCOTS, PLEASE QUIT. SHE’S ENGLISH. SHE WROTE HER FIRST BOOKS IN SCOTLAND, AYE. ON THE BACK OF THAT FREE EDUCATION. BUT SHE IS NO SCOT.

[jade4813]

A Lie, Told Often Enough, Chapter 19

Author Notes: Inspired by @fallinginloveinaflash‘s AU prompt. All credit for the idea goes entirely to her. One of the songs in this chapter is based off a song called “I Know Him By Heart” because it is incredibly difficult to write song lyrics.

Title: A Lie, Told Often Enough

Rating: NC-17

Synopsis: Iris just landed her dream job at a PR firm and her first assignment is reforming the bad boy image of celebrity artist Barry Allen. He’s overly cocky and well-known for being a playboy, but Iris has never met a challenge she couldn’t handle.

Chapters: 19/20

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Iris froze, staring at Barry with wide eyes. She could barely believe that he was standing there. She hiccupped and lifted a hand to her mouth to stifle her cries, squeezing her eyes shut. But it was no use. When she opened them again, he was still standing there. It wasn’t a trick of her imagination.

“Iris,” Barry breathed, reaching for her.

She shook her head, almost falling backwards off the stool in her haste to get away from him. “D-don’t!” she commanded, though her ragged breathing took some of the force from the word. She turned, tilting her face away so he couldn’t see her tears.

“I just – I – I’m sorry. Iris…sweetheart, please –”

She spun around, throwing her hands up in a halting gesture. “No! I-I don’t w-want your pi-pity!” she cried, shoving past him and heading toward the door.

“It’s not…please, Iris. Please talk to me.” Something in his words or his tone stopped her in her tracks. She kept her body averted and closed her eyes, struggling to get her breathing under control. She considered running. Barry might ask her to stay, but he wouldn’t physically stop her. She could flee right now – race to her car and disappear. Barry didn’t know where she lived. He wouldn’t know where to find her.

But she couldn’t escape him forever. He followed her everywhere as it was. Haunting her. And she knew that, in the profession she had chosen, there was a reasonable chance their paths would cross again one day. If she had no choice but to face his pity sooner or later, she might as well get it over with now.

Keeping her back to him, she sighed, clenching her hands into fists so tight that her nails dug into her palms. She had almost gotten her breathing under control, but she needed another moment. “C-Could I have some wa-water?”

“You – you won’t leave?” he asked softly, moving past her when she shook her head.

“I wo-won’t leave,” she promised.

Barry raced to the kitchenette and grabbed a bottle of water out of the small refrigerator. Even though she’d promised not to leave, he was afraid he’d return to the recording booth to find her gone. But when he returned, he found her sitting on the edge of the stool, her gaze averted.

Breathing a sigh of relief, he handed her the bottle. His heart broke into pieces all over again when he saw the trembling in her hands as she lifted it to her mouth and took a sip. “Thank you,” she murmured.

Barry wished she would look at him, but she refused to raise her gaze. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he stifled a sigh of frustration and regret. Things used to be so comfortable between them. When had they become so complicated?

Oh. Right. When he broken off their relationship, thinking the only person he was hurting was himself. “Iris?” he began in a soft voice.

“I – um – I didn’t expect to see you here,” she blurted, cutting him off. Her voice was a bit steadier than it had been moments before, her breathing more regular.

He didn’t doubt it, given that she couldn’t even stand to look at him now. “I’m working on my next album,” he replied inanely.

“Already?”

Though she wasn’t looking at him, he shrugged. He wanted to tell her that he was using music to process his own heartache, but he couldn’t find the words. How was it that the only words he couldn’t find were the ones that mattered most?

Rushing to fill the silence, Iris continued, “Anyway, I thought you were Cisco. I saw the – um – the Twizzlers.”

“I got hungry, so I raided Cisco’s stash,” he admitted. Unable to bear it any longer, he said, “Iris, we should talk about –”

“Look,” she blurted. “I know what you’re going to say.”

Barry sighed and muttered, “That makes one of us. I’ve never quite known what to say to you.”

She pressed on. “And it’s okay, you know. You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to apologize. It was my mistake. My confusion. You don’t have to worry that you – I mean, you never – you never lied to me. If I misunderstood, it was my own doing.”

Barry laughed, a harsh bark that cut through the air between them. “Oh, Iris. I lied to you all the time. In this entire mess, it seems like you may have been the only person I lied to. Every time I told you it was all an act, it was a l-”

She shook her head, and he could tell he wasn’t getting through to her. “Don’t lie! You don’t need try to make me feel better!” she snapped, finally meeting his eyes with a glare.

“It isn’t a lie!” he protested. He was desperate to make her understand, but he didn’t know how. “I told everyone the truth about how I felt about you. Everyone but you.” He stared into her face, but what he saw there made him curse and look away. Running a hand over the back of his neck, he mumbled, “I practiced this so many times…you’d think I’d be better at it by now. That I’d know what to say.”

Iris sniffled, wiping the back of her hand against her cheek. “It doesn’t matter,” she began, but he cut her off.

Moving slowly, he brushed one tear off her cheek with his thumb. “Yes, it does. I –” He started to tell her he loved her, but she drew back and he knew she wouldn’t believe the words if he said them now. He wished he knew how to get through to her.

Dropping his hand, Barry backed away several steps until his back was against the wall. Then he sank down on the ground, resting his arms on his knees. “You know,” he began, almost conversationally, “I’ve been wondering for weeks why it’s so hard to find the words to say how I feel.”

Iris sighed, her posture stiff, and crossed her arms over her chest. “I know why. We’re so used to pretending with each other, we don’t know what’s true anymore.”

He had come to the same conclusion, but he didn’t know how to get past it. Tilting his head to the side, he watched her silently for a moment, wondering how he could make her believe he loved her. She didn’t seem inclined to do so at the moment – or any time soon, for that matter. “Hey, do you want to hear a song?” he asked finally in an apparent change of subject.

Her eyes were guarded, her expression slightly confused, but she gave a slow nod of her head as he reached for his guitar. Strumming a few chords, he was struck by a sudden fit of nerves. What if she hated it? Bowing his head, he started to play.

“I know she’s out there waiting, just beyond my reach. Though I’ve never felt her hand in mine or tasted her name upon my lips.” He dared a glance up at her while he continued to sing. Her gaze was soft as she watched him, and he watched her lower her hands to her lap. But it wasn’t long before he had to look back at his guitar – his fingers were clumsy from nerves and lack of practice. He had only played this song once in the last several years - on the night they’d met, when some capricious impulse had inspired him to play it during his encore. It was like even then, his heart had known that he had met the woman he was born to love. “No, we’ve never met, I haven’t found her yet, but I know her by heart.”

When the song finally came to an end, he kept his head bowed, nervous about her reaction. Finally, she asked softly, “Is that the song you’re working on now? It’s nice.”

He looked up with a sheepish smile. “No, that’s actually the first song I ever wrote. It’s a little rough, so it’s never made it onto an album. I’ve only played it at a show once, so you can probably find it if you dig around a bit online.”

“Oh. It’s nice. You should release it.”

He shrugged. “It’s about you.” At her dubious expression, he explained, “Every song I’ve written is about you. I was writing about you before we even met. I didn’t know it, but every time I wrote a song about the love I hoped to find one day, I was singing about you.”

“Barry, you don’t have to –”

“Iris, it’s the truth. The one thing I said to you that was true is this: I love you.” Before she could protest further, he strummed a different chord. This time he held her gaze as he started to sing, “I told you I loved her and pretended it was a lie. Hiding my heart so you didn’t see the truth. I held you in my arms and pretended that you were mine. Dreading the day we would say goodbye.

“I wielded silence as self-defense, pushing you away when I wanted to hold you close. And you took the shattered pieces of me with you when you walked away.” The song trailed off, but Barry refused to look away, watching as a tear trailed down her cheek.

“Is that the song you’re working on now?” Her voice was barely audible.

“Like I said, every song is about you.” Iris slid off the chair and moved silently towards him. When she knelt on the ground in front of him, he reached for her slowly, afraid of saying the wrong thing and pushing her away. “Iris…I’m sorry. When I broke things off that night…I never meant to hurt you. Honestly, I didn’t think – well, I didn’t think you would care. I thought the only heart I was breaking was my own.”

She started to lift a shoulder in a shrug and then paused, her gaze skittering away from his. After a second, though, she met his eyes bravely, though he could feel her tremble softly beneath his hands. “I cared. Why would you think I wouldn’t care?”

He grimaced. Part of him wanted to dodge the question, but he’d spent so much time hiding his feelings from her. He couldn’t do it anymore. “Being with me…the press, all the attention…I made your life so terrible, just by being in it. I thought you’d be happier if I let you go back to the life you had before.”

Iris stared at him with wide eyes, and then she did the last thing he expected. She laughed. “Oh, Barry. You’re kind of an idiot, has anyone ever told you that?”

“Um, well –” he stammered, confused.

Lifting her hands to cover his, she said earnestly, “I can never go back to the life I had before I knew you. And not because the cameras and the fame-by-proxy follow me wherever I go. Well, not entirely. I just tried, and I was absolutely miserable. All I could think about, every day, was how much I missed you. I don’t care about the paparazzi. I don’t care about the cameras. And I don’t care about the online fans. I want you, Barry Allen. I love you. I want to be with you. To hell with the rest of it.”

His hands shook as he moved them to her waist, pulling her forward. He knew he should move slowly, but his entire body ached to hold her. He trembled as he pulled her into his arms, and though he longed to kiss her, he wanted to this right for once. “I was an idiot. I never should have let you go, and I’ve missed you every second of every day since. Missing you has been like missing a part of myself. But…can I have another shot? A chance to get this right? Just you and me. No contracts, no publicists, no cameras. No lies. Can I take you out on a date?” When she hoped her mouth to answer, he rushed to say, “I know this is a lot to take in for one evening. You don’t have to answer tonight. You can think about it, and –”

Her smile lit up the room. “Don’t be silly, Barry. Of course I’ll go on a date with you. What did you have in mind?”

Barry couldn’t suppress his grin. He knew exactly where he wanted to take her for their first official date. “I was thinking of coffee.”

Iris was nervous the following evening as she walked through the front doors of the coffee shop where she had once worked. When Barry had suggested the place, she’d almost pointed out the strange coincidence. But then he’d said, “Five o’clock. Tomorrow night. Well, I guess that would be tonight. If you think about it today and change your mind, I’ll understand. But I –”

She’d interrupted him. “I won’t change my mind. Tonight. Five o’clock. I’ll be there.”

At the memory, she glanced at the watch on her wrist. 4:59. She was right on time. But glancing around at the tables, her heart sank. She didn’t see Barry. Just then, her phone beeped and she pulled it out. It was Barry.

“Hey, can you grab us a couple cups of coffee? I’ll see you in a minute.”

Though she understood how busy he was, she had to admit to a little disappointment that he was running late. Pushing it aside, she moved to stand in line, perusing the display case of baked goods as she waited.

She’d almost talked herself into one of the lemon bars when the younger girl in front of her – body tilted to the side under the weight of textbooks crammed into her backpack – moved aside. Iris stepped up to the register to place her order. “Good evening! Can I have –”

“Hey, sorry. I was just about to go on break. Let me get someone to help you.” A little surprised, Iris could only nod as the blonde barista turned and called to a coworker behind her. “Hey, can you help with this?”

“Sure thing.” The coworker responded, turning to take charge of the register. Her heart skipped at the sight of his familiar smile. “How can I help you, miss?”

“I – you – Barry? Wh-what are you –? What if someone recognizes you?” It wasn’t the most pressing question, but it was the first that came to mind.

“Hey, tonight I’m just a regular guy getting the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen a cup of coffee. And you know what? I think I know exactly what to get you. Do you trust me?”

Still confused about what was going on, she just nodded as he grabbed two cups and scribbled something on the sides. “Uh…sure.” He started to whistle as he wrestled with the coffee machine, steaming milk as he brewed some espresso. “Um, so, do you work here often?” Iris asked, still trying to make sense of what was going on.

“Not often,” he admitted. “But this coffee shop has a special place in my heart.” He paused as he frowned at the shots of espresso, which were only half-full. “You’re not going to ask me why?” he asked as he poured them out and tried again. One of his co-workers muttered something helpful, reaching around him and adjusting the settings on the machine to work properly.

“Oh, sure. But I didn’t want to distract you. You don’t seem like you have a lot of practice at this.”

“Well, it is my first day,” he admitted, pulling a shaker of something out of a pocket on his apron and adding it to the cups. Then he added the espresso, steamed milk, and some whipped cream. He topped it off with a bit more from the shaker and then handed one cup over. “Here,” he said with a smile. “Try this.”

Iris threw the cup a dubious look, noting the smiley face he’d drawn on the side. Something about this interaction seemed vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. With a small frown of confusion, she took a sip, her eyes widening at the extra jolt of cayenne pepper. “Wait…how did you know –?”

“I told you this coffee shop has a special place in my heart,” he admitted, pulling off his apron and stepping around the counter. “I came in here once before a show and it was here that I met the most beautiful woman in the world. I was exhausted, and she made me a cup of coffee…while telling me that she wasn’t really a fan of my work.” Though he was smiling, the way he shifted his weight back and forth betrayed his nervousness.

She frowned, pieces falling into place. “Wait…you said once…in an interview. You said you fell in love in a coffee shop.”

“No. I said I’d met someone I might be falling in love with in a coffee shop. Not exactly the same thing.” The corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. “It’s like I said last night. Everything I said about you was true…except when I told you I wasn’t in love with you.” Bowing his head, he drew her into his arms and brushed a kiss across her lips. “I love you, Iris. I love you so much.”

“I love you,” she breathed, throwing her arms around his neck. Pulling him down to press her forehead against his, she whispered with a giggle, “You are such a dork.”

Her lips met his, drawing him into a long kiss, as the woman who had been behind her in line murmured, “Wow. If that’s the kind of service you offer, I’m definitely coming here more often.”