#like oh so the guy who abused you wasnt actually ur REAL dad so everything is fine now yaaaay

[sebastianshaw]

can’t find the other meta post I was looking for gdit

[crashgirl111]

umm so i saw my cute boy today and i need HELP and ADVICE im literally my icon and im confused as hell 

(i bolded things for myself to add them up dont fcking worry about it) (or just read those it can be a tldr)

ok first of all. he works at this drive thru taqueria in my hometown i always go to when im not at school. hes always paid progressively more and more attention to me. i think it started my second semester of senior year, and now ive figured out through my #detectivework that he was actually a year behind me in school. i NEVER noticed him at school, i always thought he was a few years older. but now im starting to think he may have been noticing me the whole time, its kinda hard to miss the girl w the huge forehead and also i have nice tits and ass lol. and if he likes shy girls, ive got that and he knew it. he maybe even knew i took ap spanish so that could make him more attracted to me maybe possibly

every time i see him its a lot of intense eye contact that i used to avoid bc it made me nervous, smiling a lot (like his face brightens when he sees me i love it), and theres always just this energy that he HAS to be feeling too. i felt it even before i was that into him.

since ive been in college, every time i come see him hes talking to me a lot. one day i came home (my gps was set to the taquiera lol i miss the food) and he was like “oh i havent seen you lately, good to see u” or whatever and i was like “yeah ive been at school.” then ANOTHER time hes like “oh did u get a new car” (months since hes seen me, so i feel like he shouldnt have noticed that much?? and even commented about it?) and i said yeah and he said it was nice or something. always the same energy, always him lighting up then staring. hes always talking to me each time now, those are just the examples i can think of. teasing me a little bit sometimes, smiling constantly. 

and i have a memory to compare these to. one time i was with my abuser and we came to get rice and beans. i looked a mess, i was just kind of laying back chilling in the passenger seat of my own car. when we got to the window and i saw my boy i got really nervous, bc if my abuser noticed ANYTHING he was gonna hurt him and/or me, probably just me bc hes a weak little bitch who beats up women bc he cant beat up men. he looked at me some, his face was regular didnt brighten up didnt make eye contact w anyone didnt smile the entire time. i felt embarrassed that he was seeing me like that but the next time he was back to just being really sweet to me.

now that im typing this out it seems so silly and unlikely, but ive been noticing these things for a while and just took it as a lil confidence boost, its only very recently in the last few months i got feelings like this. so i dont think its me projecting feelings onto him or anything. and the feeling in the air is so real, he has to feel it too, he fucking creates it. 

TODAY i went and oh man. i heard his voice on the speaker and i was like thank u god and jesus. i always know its him bc he says something really fast in spanish that i cant figure out. im looking good, this is the first time ever i got ready before i came to see him. tits out, lipstick on, hair perfect. i wanted to try to do a lot of things but all i managed was to smile a bit more and watch my posture. i order a coke w my meal even tho i have it at home just so i can ask him to open it for me. i pull up, he lights up as usual, is like “hey!! hows it going” then says “i already opened this is that ok” and i was like “yeah” and like thats kind of sweet right that he already knows? before he opened the window and was getting everything ready, him and this man (probably uncle dad cousin brother idk) were talking, the other guy kept glancing at me and kinda smiling like he knew something. he gives me my food, i give him my card, i think he said something i forget. staring, smiling, energy, the whole thing. while im signing the receipt, hes talking about how i started getting tacos instead of burritos lol, i told him i like both, and i really think he said “i like them more than u” but also i was too nervous to really pay attention but also like what lol thts some awkward thing u say when ur nervous. i hand him the receipt, his voice gets a little deeper/serious/sincere and he said “you have a good night” or "I hope u have a good night" deep eye contact. 

i feel like its real bc i felt it even when i didnt want it to be happening and wasnt interested. the way he makes me feel makes me like him, but how do i know if he acts like that w everyone or its supposed to just be good customer service lmao. so in summary im a crazy delusional narcissistic bitch and i feel things for this boy that i think he might feel for me but i cant be sure. someone PLEASE give me advice/feedback like go on anon and tell me the truth because my sense of reality is so fucked from my ptsd and i need an outsider to tell me what this is and means. i dont wanna like be w him, just for the summer free weed and dick. he has a gf but shes a whole country away and men are generally cheating trash. my next step if i convince myself its real is im gonna add him on fb and be like “oh sorry if this is weird lol u came up in my suggested friends thing” bc we do have 5 mutual friends.

im probably forgetting important things bc in addition to my sense of reality my memory is also fucked. and really im just trying to get fucked here and im waiting for outside clarification to go for it. 

???