#like pleeeeease take it a notch down

[menlove]

having grown up fundamentalist christian in a denomination that is considered like a stone’s throw away from being a cult, i gotta say some discourse on this Webbed Site (as well as twitter and tiktok) is like. literally the exact same as the way fundamentalist christianity thinks lol. them deciding harry potter and jewelry and buffy the vampire slayer are Evil and if you consume them you are going to hell and are also Evil is like. functionally indistinguishable from the way you all have to ensure everything everyone consumes is 100% ideologically pure or else they’re Evil and should be shunned from the internet. 

just bc their idea of ideologically pure and your idea of ideologically pure are different does not mean it’s any better to scream at people who don’t fit that or subscribe to it. there’s always always certain things that should be criticized and examined but when you take it too far you forget that the whole Point of social justice is the social aspect- the people. not just making sure no one ever does anything “problematic”.

[aleinnilatibae]

The Orange Yeti

Hey @maximoffended, I was your delayed secret friend.  I took this thing that you animated and wrote something based on it, it kind of spiraled out of control but I had fun.  Hope you like it!

-

The morning was a clear one, sunlight streaming in through Sportacus' airship window, undeterred by the thin clouds lazily drifting by.

Perfect conditions to train a little bit of soccer before dropping in on LazyTown.

"Soccer ball!" Sportacus called, and the airship obediently shot a ball at him.

He juggled it between his feet and knees, did a few easy kicks, before he REALLY let loose and kicked it as hard as he could.

Of course, in his small airship space, that meant it would rebound off of the ceiling and come right back to him at a high speed, but he was certainly up for the challenge.

Jumping and flipping and kicking the ball around as it bounced off the inside of his airship, he couldn't stop himself from grinning.  He was nailing his routine, and that fact alone was making joy bubble up in his chest.

He landed a perfect single backflip that left him feeling almost weightless.

"Hah!" he exclaimed, as he sent the soccer ball flying back toward his bed wall with another backflip kick, "What a wonderful way to greet the day!"

But, as luck would have it, the day greeted him back as many others had before--with a flashing and beeping crystal, and the distant sound of a child screaming in terror down below.

"Someone's in tro-ow!" he exclaimed, the soccer ball bouncing back in his moment of distraction and hitting him straight in the head.

Shaking off the pain, he focused on finding the fastest method of getting down to ground level from his current altitude.

"Rope!" he called decisively, and a spool of large, heavy rope rose up from one of the floor compartments.

Sportacus lowered his goggles, grasped the knot at the end with both hands, and prepared his running stance.

"Door!" he shouted, and he sprinted toward the now-open doorway and leapt out of the ship into the open air.

Sometimes, the simplest solutions were the best.

And the most thrilling!

But, since he was there on business, he tried not to enjoy his faux-skydiving TOO much.

As he plummeted toward the town, the spooled rope grew taut and stopped his descent, forcing him to swing back under the ship like a pendulum.

Perfect.

Like a monkey swinging on a vine, he waited until the rope swung as close as it could get to the sports field before releasing it from his grasp, managing an unusual three front flips before he stuck the landing on solid ground.

"SPORTACUS!" came a scream from across the field.

Sportacus turned around just as Ziggy raced to his side, panting heavily from running.

"What happened?" Sportacus asked, bending down and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I-I-" he gasped, trying and failing to get his breath back.

Up close, Sportacus could see that Ziggy was white as a sheet, and his breaths sounded closer to panic than exertion.

This was what was setting off the crystal, he just knew it.

"Slow down your breathing, it's okay," Sportacus said, locking eyes with the terrified young boy and exaggerating his own breaths as an example. "Just like this, that's good."

Ziggy made an effort to slow his breathing, until he could announce that-

"There's-there's a-there's a YETI!!" Ziggy exclaimed.

Sportacus involuntarily gasped.  His last encounter with a yeti had NOT gone well.

"A yeti? Where??" he asked, his own voice a little less calm than he would have liked.

Before Ziggy could answer, Stingy ran up to the pair of them, also breathing hard.

"Don't...be...STUPID...Ziggy," he panted, "Yetis are not orange!"

He looked up at Sportacus. "Phew. I never knew that this candy child could run so FAST," he sniffed, jabbing his thumb at his friend.

Ziggy hardly had time to register Stingy's backhanded compliment before Stephanie ran up to join their little gathering as well.

"Ziggy is right! I saw the yeti too!" Stephanie announced, eyes wide with urgency.

"Everyone, stay calm," Sportacus said, holding his hands out against the children's fear as he looked around.  "Is this yeti...attacking anyone? That you know of?"

"Uh, no,"  Stephanie said, tilting her head. "Would it, Sportacus?"

Sportacus smiled, reassuringly. "No, uh, of course not. What, um, what did it do?"

"Well," Stephanie said, crossing her arms, "It was very RUDE to me! It said, 'Out of my way, little girl,'" she imitated, in the deepest growling voice she could muster.

Oh heavens above, it could speak.

It was one of those.

Sportacus tried not to let his panic show outwardly. "Where-where did it go?"

"It was headed to the outside of town, you know, where Robbie lives!"

Sportacus gasped. "Does Robbie know that there is a yeti in town?" he asked frantically.

"No, I don't think so, we haven't seen him," murmured the children.

"I have to warn him!" Sportacus wasted no time in doing his signature move, sprinting between flips to the outskirts of town, hoping and praying that Robbie hadn't had an encounter with the beast yet.

-

The "hidden" entrance to Robbie's lair was open when Sportacus got there, which wasn't very reassuring.

He swallowed hard, adjusted his hat, and climbed down inside.

"Mr. Yeti?" Sportacus called as he carefully lowered himself down to the floor of Robbie's home.  Best not to startle a yeti.

Sportacus' breath hitched in his throat as he heard a low growling noise, coming from the main room.

"I don't mean to bother you," he said carefully, tiptoeing toward the main room, tone friendly yet eyes and ears wide open. "But you really did scare the kids today. And, you have found yourself in Robbie Rotten's home, who is our friend too!" the noise abruptly stopped, making Sportacus' heartbeat kick up a notch. "I-I would like it if you were to leave them all at peace, and we will do the same to you."

That growling noise started up again as he crept into the main area. Now closer to the source, Sportacus could hear it much better.

"Snrrrrrzzzz...snrrrzzz..."

Sportacus narrowed his eyes. Something wasn't adding up here. Aside from that noise, it was deadly quiet in Robbie's main room. Normally a growling yeti would make other, more aggressive noises too.  And, come to think of it, it sounded less like a growling animal and more like-

"Robbie?" called Sportacus softly.

"SNORT-snrzzz...snrzzz..."

Sportacus blinked a few times.  That was NOT a yeti noise, there was no doubt about that, it was DEFINITELY Robbie Rotten snoring. But, where was he? His beloved chair, while extra fluffy, was empty. But the snoring still seemed to be radiating from within it.

Sportacus furrowed his brows. What was going ON here?

He slowly, and curiously, approached the snoring chair, until he was close enough to prod it with his finger.

The chair SHRIEKED.

Sportacus flew backwards, landing unceremoniously on the floor, watching the living chair writhe unnaturally.

To his horror, an orange mass disentangled itself from the chair, rose up to its full height-

And threw back his hood.

"Huh! What!" Robbie said, shaking his head as he blinked away disorientation, looking down at the man on his floor. "Sporta-what are you doing in my HOUSE?"

Sportacus opened and closed his mouth a few times, taking in the scene above him.  Robbie, wearing an enormous fluffy coat, the exact same texture and color as the chair in which he napped every day.

"Well??" Robbie demanded, gesturing with his gigantic furry sleeves.

"I-I'm sorry, Robbie!" Sportacus said, finding his words again. "The kids told me that there was an orange yeti in town, and it was headed toward you, and I didn't want you to get hurt, and-" he suddenly cut short his rambling as Robbie crossed his arms, and fixed him with a stare.

"An...ORANGE yeti?" he asked, squinting suspiciously down at Sportacus. "One that was possibly...oh, I don't know...walking through town earlier, or uh...scaring a candy boy, being rude to a pink girl, THAT sort of thing??"

Something clicked in Sportacus' brain.

"Oh..." he nodded slowly,  finally comprehending the situation.

Robbie rolled his eyes. "This little brats, I could understand," he said, starting to gesture and pace around, "How is it that YOU, a fully-grown Sporta-SportaHERO, never considers that all the STRANGERS and the BEASTS that appear in this town are always-" he swiveled to face Sportacus, dramatically shrugging his robe to the floor as he pointed at himself, "ME!"

Sporatcus grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, Robbie. I should have known."

"Yes, you should have," Robbie grumbled, then sighed. "I wasn't even TRYING to be a yeti today. I just wanted to enjoy my new COAT!" he picked it back up from the ground, and wrapped it around himself protectively.

"It is very nice, Robbie," Sportacus conceded, "But, when it comes to a yeti sighting, I never want to take any chances."

Uncomfortable with how long he had been seated, he leaned back and kicked his legs, springing back up to his feet.

"Because I remember the LAST time I-" he cut himself off, "Nevermind."

"Last time?" Robbie asked, cocking his head to the side.

Sportacus waved a hand, embarrassed at his slip up. "Forget I said anything."

"What?! But-but, I CAN'T!" Robbie whined, "I'm just too CURIOUS!"

He clasped his hands under his chin and leaned forward, the absolute picture of a perfect listener. "Pleeeeease?"

Sportacus chuckled, oddly endeared by the sight, and relented. "Okay, okay. It was-"

He was interrupted by his crystal going off again.

"Someone's in trouble!" he gasped.

"What?! You can't leave me hanging like THAT, SportaCLIFFHANGER!" Robbie protested.

Sportacus smiled as he did his signature move. "Another time, I promise!" he shouted, as he ran to the ladder and climbed up and out of Robbie's lair to face whatever danger the citizens of LazyTown had gotten into.

He hoped it wouldn't be a REAL yeti this time.