#like sure bradley's chill about what coffee he drinks in the morning or if lunch plans change

[stopthatfool]

Consistently shocked by the idea that people think Bradley Rooster Bradshaw is chill and laid back. He’s actually shockingly unchill. He is the opposite of chill. He did not inherent any of his parents chillness. He’s a loser who’s too invested in everything.

Like ya hi I’m Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw and I cut off my remaining family, surrogate father, and support system for 15 years cuz he pulled my naval academy papers because he didn’t want me to die like my biological father and because my mother wanted me to be free of the navy’s confinements and to exist outside of a system that physically uses me for their own power and political gains— gains I will never experience and feel for myself. A system that sees me as no more than a number, a soldier, something easily replaceable, as a body to be sacrificed in a war that i did not start nor will i finish.

“Bradley's chill.” No he’s not. He’s a beast. He’s a 30 something year old man whose entire purpose revolves around holding a grudge and proving his surrogate father wrong. This beast who literally said this to his surrogate father— "No wife. No kids. Nobody to mourn when you burn in." Beastly. Ghastly thing to say. 15 years and he still hates the guy who's been there for him since day one. He’s a guy who refuses to even begin to understand where Mav was coming from or to even think of what his mother wanted. He’s evil. And I love him.

Hi I’m Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw and when someone brings up a well known, easily accessible fact that my father and surrogate father used to fly together I will try to cause physical harm against them and my friends will have to physically hold me back. I’m Bradley Bradshaw and I was willing to put my entire career on the line (the one in which I put my family aside for) so I can attack and beat this guy up.

I love his big ol’ Bambi eyes… he’s evil and fucked up and he’s not chill. Yes he wears jorts and tropical shirts, but that just means he’s gay and a fucking liar. Just cuz he looks like some surfer dude does not mean that he’s actually laid back like one. He’s lying to himself— trying to convince himself he is something that he is not and never will be. He is unchill. He’s lame. He has undiagnosed anxiety and it physically expresses itself through anger and loserly-ness. He cares so much to the point of self sabotage. He will always be unchill, no matter how much he tries to change that fact.

Y’all ever want to cradle a grown man in your arms? (graphic design is my passion)

[13-reasons-ideas]

Finding Peace in Another Part 9

TW this chapter contains discussion of parental death and suicide. suicide not mentioned until after the cut. 

A/N: This chapter is very personal to me and it is where we learn just what prompted the move to Crestmont. I hope you enjoy. As always, feedback is appreciated. 

The next morning was far less eventful than the previous one. No surprise visitors, no almost revelations about a dead brother. Just us spending the morning together getting ready. I met him at school, and we shared a quick kiss before going to meet our friends. Monty met up with the boys and I spent some time with Alex and Clay before class. Alex and Clay were arguing about some comic book I had never heard of, but they tried to make me feel included in the conversation. I zoned out after a few minutes, thinking about what would happen if they found out about Montgomery and I. I know that Alex and Monty haven’t exactly had the best history. Alex had told me about the fights they got in and I was very aware of how Montgomery handled his emotions. Which, to put it bluntly, was essentially just to hit things until he felt better. “Hello? Becca? Earth to Rebecca?” I heard Clay call tapping me on the shoulder.

“Huh? What sorry?” I said, absentmindedly.

“I was just asking about what you did last night.” He said, looking at me strangely.

“Oh. Sorry, I just stayed in, had pizza and watched a movie. Just a me night.” I lied smoothly.

“Nice, what movie?” Alex asked.

“The Notebook.” I told him, picking my favourite sappy film. They both made a face and muttered something about chick flicks. We had walked to my locker, where I heard Bryce comment on the scratches on Montgomery’s back he saw yesterday before practice.

“No wonder you were so tired at practice yesterday. You were probably up most of the night. Who’s the lucky girl?” he asked, pushing Montgomery’s shoulder. I blushed into my locker and heard Alex make a sound of disgust at their discussion.

“Fuck you Standall, grownups are talking. No one you know. It doesn’t really matter. It was fun though. Ill probably see her again.” He said, trying to hide that it was me as we agreed. Bryce seemed surprised that he didn’t want to go into detail and even more surprised that he wanted to see the girl again. I heard Alex mutter something akin to ‘charming’ as Clay just stood there, looking very uncomfortable. I waved bye to my friends as Zach and I walked to class. I felt someone’s eyes on me as I walked away and felt a text, checking it I saw it was from Monty ‘I’ll definitely be seeing you again. By the way, you look hot today.’ I smiled as I put my phone away, feeling heat creep to my cheeks. Zach saw my blush and grinned at me.

“sssoooo… who’s the lucky guy? Or the lucky girl? I don’t judge.” He said in a singsong voice. I felt my blush grow deeper and laughed.

“It’s a guy. We um… we aren’t really telling anyone yet. We want to keep it to ourselves for a while. I am happy though. Happier than I’ve been in a long time.” Zach nodded in understanding.

“I get that, I’ve been there. Just make sure he doesn’t make you keep it a secret forever.” He told me as he sat in his seat. After class ended, I bid Zach goodbye and told him I would see him at lunch. I saw Tony in English and told him about what Montgomery and I decided last night.

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re happy. Just let him know if he hurts you, ill have to hurt him.” He told me seriously.

“You and about 12 other people Tony. Ill let him know though.”

By the time lunch came, I was ready to go home and go back to bed. Monty and I need to start sleeping together through the night, rather than talk for hours on end, only sleeping for a few hours a night. Walking over to our table, I saw Zach already there. “Hey Zach.” I mumbled, sleepily.

“Hey Becca. You look exhausted.” His voice sounding concerned. I sat down and put my head on his shoulder.

“I am. I haven’t really been sleeping much the past few weeks. Did you have plans after school?” I asked him, stifling a yawn.

“No I don’t think so. Why? Did you want me to come by and chill?” I nodded and made a sound of agreement, closing my eyes. “Okay, ill text my mom after lunch and let her know I’m going to your place.” I nodded again. “Did you want to nap?” he asked kindly. I nodded again. “I’ll tell the guys to be quiet then. I’ll wake you after lunch Becca.” I nodded off a bit, sleeping lightly until I felt serval pairs of eyes on me and heard whispers. 

“She’s so cute when she sleeps.” 

“Wonder what she’s been doing to need to nap at lunch.” 

“Awe, her nose twitched.” 

They all sound like new parents watching their baby. “Quit staring please. It’s creepy.” I mumbled, opening my eyes and turning to Zach. “How long was I out?” 

“About 10 minutes. Feel better?” 

“Yeah. I should make it through the rest of the day. Don’t know if I’ll make it through a few episodes of our show though, so only expect an episode tonight.” 

“That’s fine. Did you want to reschedule?” 

“No no, it’s okay. I’ll make a cup of coffee when we get to my place or something.” I felt Montgomery’s eyes bore into me but ignored it. He knows Zach and I are just friends so it’s not like he has anything to worry about. Turning my attention to Scott and Bryce, “also, no. I’m not cute when I sleep. And what I’ve been doing is none of your damn business.” I told them matter of factly, but still smiling. They laughed and rolled their eyes. 

     The rest of the day went a little smoother than this morning. I was more awake and alert. There was less fog in my brain. Zach and I agreed in Peer that he would spend the night, so he was going to run home for clothes and grab some food from Rosie’s on the way to my house for us. I texted Monty to let him know, as a courtesy. ‘Hey, just so you know, Zach is going to spend the night at my place. We might end up drinking and I don’t want him driving home then.’ He responded a few minutes later ‘okay, thanks for letting me know.’ Sneaking a look around to make sure Ms. Bradley wasn’t looking, I texted him back. ‘He has to run home and grab some clothes after class. So I could hang around school for a few minutes, if you wanted....’ He texted me back almost immediately. ‘Meet me at my locker after class. Have to get my fill of you in before the weekend.’ As the bell rang, I gathered my stuff quickly and waved to Zach before all but running out of class towards Montgomery’s locker. I saw him standing there, leaning against his locker looking for me, though to anyone passing by it would just look like he was scanning the crowd. Spotting me, he jerked his head towards the exit, signalling for me to meet him out there and get away from the people. I walked to the door and exited the building, finding myself in an empty alcove. A few minutes later I heard the door open and Monty came through. He closed the gap in four steps, leaning down to cup my face as he kissed me. Because we were in public and at risk of being caught at any time, we kept the kissing brief and talked for another few minutes. 

“So, this girl you’re spending your nights with... I hear she’s pretty great.” I teased him. 

“Yeah. She’s smart, and funny, and wild in bed. I barely have to touch her and she’s putty in my hands.” He teased back, winking at me. “And she does this thing when she’s reading, if she’s really into the book. Her brows furrow and she starts mouthing the words as she reads. It’s adorable.” He went on, laughing at my blushing face. My phone alerted me to a text message. It was from Zach telling me he was leaving his place with his clothes for tomorrow.

“Shit, I have to go. Zach is leaving his place and I don’t want to make him wait outside.” 

“Okay, text me when you get home.” 

“I will.” Tell him, pecking him on the cheek. “Bye babe.” 

“Bye baby, have a fun night.” He says, turning his head to kiss me goodbye. It’s a brief kiss but enough to get us through until Monday. 

     Rushing to my car, I drive home hoping to beat Zach there. I manage to beat him by five minutes and am looking for a wine glass when I hear his knock on the door. When I open the door, Zach is standing there with a bag of food in one hand and a coffee for me in the other. I lead him inside and he sets the food down on the island, handing me my coffee as I take a long drink. I savour the burn as it goes down. He puts his bag down and unpacks dinner as I pour myself a glass of wine. “Did you want a drink? There’s beer in the fridge or wine or pop.” I offer him.

“I’ll take a beer yeah.” Handing him a bottle and the bottle opener, he opens it before we make our way to the couch to start our show. We sit down and enjoy dinner together as we watch our show, laughing until it’s over. Pouring another glass of wine and grabbing another beer for Zach, he asks me “tell me about mystery man? You were awfully red this morning when you were texting him. I know you aren’t telling people, but I know you want to spill.” 

“Well, without giving too much away, I guess I can tell you some things.” I said, pulling my legs under me, holding my glass of wine. Zach leaned back on the couch waiting for me to continue. “He’s tall. Not as tall as you, but tall enough for me. He’s smarter than he lets on and he cares more than he wants people to think, but also short tempered. Looking at me you wouldn’t expect me to go for his type.” I heard Zach gasp and I held a breath. 

“Is it Cyrus? Because that would be cool. He’s kind of funny.” His thought made me laugh. 

“No! It’s not Cyrus I swear to you. He doesn’t strike me as the ‘hide your girlfriend’ type. More, carry a girl on his shoulders so everyone knows she’s his. Anyway, this guy. He has rough edges but once you get passed that outer shell, he’s a big softy. Never repeat that to him when we decide to tell people. It was very unexpected. After the year and a half I’ve had, the last thing was looking for was a relationship. After my mom died I kind of... I didn’t know how to handle it. And just when I got back on my feet...” I trailed off, unsure if I wanted to continue and let Zach in. 

“When my dad died, I was lost. My friends were out of town so Hannah and I started hanging out. I went to a lot of movies to fill the time. I had to step up and be the man of the house. I’m 17, that’s not what I want. I want to be a kid. So I get it. You lose someone close to you and your world flips 180 degrees. You have to learn how to breathe and live again.” He told me, sympathetically grasping my hand. I got up to grab myself another glass of wine and got him another beer. 

“If you want to hear the rest, I’m going to need another drink.” He nodded in understanding as I sat down handing him the cold beer. I took a long drink from my glass before continuing. “After my mom died, my dad started going on more business trips and working later- I think he wanted to avoid coming home to a house without his wife. It left a lot of time for my brother Jake and I to take care of each other. I guess he had more going on than I thought he did. I remember it was the middle of the night when my dad called me and asked if I had heard from Jake. I hadn’t seen him since that morning, but that wasn’t unusual. We both ran in different circles so sometimes we didn’t see each other for a day or two. There was something in my dad’s voice that made me worry. I called his best friend and asked if they had seen him. They said no. Later that day my dad came back from his business trip early. We spent the next three days looking for him. The police were involved and took a lead on the search.” I paused, feeling tears in my eyes as I took another drink. “And then on Saturday I came home and my dad told me he was dead. It was obvious he killed himself. Losing my mom was child’s play compared to that. That week was one of the hardest weeks of my life. My dad had already been considering accepting a promotion but that was the thing that pushed him to taking it. A few weeks later, he told me we would be moving here. His work was able to fast track the permits and everything so it was a fast move. And here we are.” I said sadly, finishing my story. I didn’t feel better talking about it. Zach squeezed my hand and pulled me towards his chest. We sat in silence for a while before he turned on an episode of Family Guy and we watched it, laughing sadly and drinking until we started to feel better. Around 1:30 we decided to call it a night and bid each other goodnight. He went to the guest room and I went to my bedroom. I must have woken him at some point in the night crying because when I woke up, my eyes were burning, and his arm was around me.