#like wdym that was csa?? ahhhdjdj ah djdhdgd
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People be like "merry Christmas" meanwhile I'm over here uncovering new depths of my trauma
#yeah so apparently I experienced csa and I'm honestly not processing that super well#i started just telling people about stuff that happened that i never want to talk about#and they were like 'uh yeah thats csa im sorry you went through that' 💀#like wdym that was csa?? ahhhdjdj ah djdhdgd#in all seriousness though I've gad a lot of very painful realizations about this lately#like the fact that people knew and not only let it happen but actively tried to allow it to continue#and prevent people who actually try to do anything about it from finding out. including me! i was told it was all normal#like 'oh yes this is all normal. but also dont tell anyone this.'#'not because its wrong but because theyll get the wrong idea'#god. i can't comprehend it#i never thought it was sa because ive always been asexual. i couldnt think of any motive so i just didnt know#i didn't have any grasp of what sexuality was in general. i thought it was like a social construct or a game i was sometimes bad at#i still don't understand. i hate how when i think about it all i feel like a little kid again
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