#like we're all adults who respect each other if they WERE upset abt something | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

brinnanza · 10 months ago

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it has been so long since I've had to learn how to live with a new person (because I've lived with only Joe for ten years and now his partner lives with us) that my brain thinks I am 12 years old and tiptoeing around my parents so they don't yell at or hit me and that is an Extremely stressful way to live in your own house especially when you don't go out that often

#and it's like not even necessary now like it was in my childhood #like we're all adults who respect each other if they WERE upset abt something #it's not my responsibility to anticipate every time so I can avoid it entirely #I got trained out of asking people if they were mad at me VERY early #so while I encourage everyone to just ask me rather than stew in terror #I will 1000% stew in the terror hyperaware of every motion until I can gauge their mood #and even then I cant relax because sometimes it's a trap #I mean it's not with the people who care about me #but oh boy as a kid any vulnerability was open season #I'm so tremendously fucked up in just the most boring bog standard stereotypical way I can't even have interesting trauma

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