#like what's the worst possible option? yeah palpatine probably did that

[arianeemorythethird]

Today's horrible Star Wars thought, prompted by some meta I'm not sure I fully agree with: when would have Anakin actually found out what the inhibitor chips really do?

According to RotS Anakin's not present when Palpatine sends out Order 66, he's already heading out with the 501st for the Jedi Temple. And up until that point, just like the rest of the Jedi Council, he knew that inhibitor chips existed but had no idea they could actually control minds and cause the clones to act against their will.

So when would he have actually found out the truth? I think there's actually two options here.

Option one is that in some missing moment after Mace's death, while Anakin was swearing himself to Palpatine, Palpatine told him ahead of time exactly what the inhibitor chips would do. This is possible, and frankly I think there's a decent chance Anakin would have gone along with Order 66 regardless - but I don't think it's the likeliest option.

At this point Anakin is, frankly, delusional, and he's flipflopping all over the place. A few hours ago he was completely loyal to the Jedi and turned Palpatine over to them. Could Palpatine be totally confident Anakin was completely and securely under his control and wouldn't change his mind yet again?

Sure, by the time Anakin commits himself to the Sith he is fully onboard the Jedi=evil train with Palpatine, fuelled partly by his resentment towards the Jedi Council but primarily, imo, by his desperation to erase his guilt over betraying Mace by convincing himself that the Jedi were traitors all along so he did nothing wrong. But "support me, the Jedi are evil, btw these people you trust and feel responsible for don't agree so I'm going to have to use mindcontrol and fully enslave them so they help us" doesn't fit into this neat narrative Anakin is using to justify himself. And it surely would have had the potential to trigger Anakin's slavery issues - in the wrong direction for Palpatine's purposes. It might be a low risk, at this point, but it's still a risk.

But also, there was a better option and one that, imo, better fits Palpatine's usual style.

Because option two is that Palpatine doesn't tell Anakin the truth about the inhibitor chips immediately. He just tells Anakin that the clones are loyal to Palpatine and the Senate (and, critically, Padme), and the clones have realised that the Jedi are traitors too, and Anakin should trust them.

And sure enough! Anakin's men in the 501st willingly attack the Jedi Temple with him, even down to helping him kill kids. Anakin can sense as, all over the galaxy, other clones turn on their Jedi generals. The Jedi must be evil, if the clones are turning on them too; Anakin must be doing the right thing.

In the critical moment when Anakin was still only taking his first steps into the dark it would reinforce his delusions, it would reinforce the worldview Palpatine was trying to push him towards, where Jedi were evil traitors and Palpatine (and Anakin, and the clones) were doing the right thing for the greater good.

And of course, it would give Palpatine something extra to torture Vader with, much later - much, much later. Another atrocity to bind them both together, and keep Vader feeling like he was irredeemable, he was so deep in the dark he wouldn't deserve to find a way out.

And like - this is not an exoneration of Anakin. He should have known something was wrong. In their right minds the clones would never have killed kids on Anakin's orders, they'd never have turned on the Jedi - but quite frankly if Anakin himself was in a place to recognise that, he wouldn't have been killing those kids himself, you know?

[legobiwan]

Maul, Obi-wan, and Raydonia

I was doing research for an entirely different post and I just...couldn’t leave this scene alone. There’s just too much going on here for me *not* to dip my oar.

So Maul goes to Raydonia and terrorizes the populace in order to send a “message” to Obi-wan at the end of TCW Season 4:

First of all, the panel where Maul says, “face me,” is interesting as Maul is directed away from Obi-wan as Obi-wan looks at Maul’s back, perhaps in facing Maul’s back, he is looking at the past, or, more specifically perhaps not being able to look at his past he cannot face Maul’s holoimage dead-on.

Secondly, this is such an obvious setup. (I know, I know. “Spring the trap.”) But Maul’s hilarious line in Twin Suns really shows us how much he not only knows Obi-wan, but the Jedi at this point (and in Rebels, he contrives this plan because it has worked twice already, on Raydonia and later, Mandalore):

Although this is not the point of this post, you have to laugh. Maul and Obi-wan, to some degree, have been dancing the same tango for over 20 years and the only time there had been a misstep, so to speak, was when Obi-wan left Ahsoka in charge of the second attempt at a Mandalore occupation instead of going himself. But otherwise, geez, no wonder Maul ended up in Obi-wan’s arms at the end of it all, just like a “dip” maneuver at the end of a dance as mentioned above. (They *know* each other’s moves, flit between lead and follow, and if you take this metaphor to its conclusion, then you realize Maul went to Tatooine, sought Obi-wan not because he wanted Luke, but because he wanted closure, knowing what closure would mean in that circumstance.)

But I’m getting off-topic. Maul goads Obi-wan by threatening to burn Raydonia to the ground and Obi-wan, of course, being of “noble heart,” immediately proclaims that he has to go. Alone, of course.

Mace, being the only voice of wisdom in this room, offers a sound strategy:

Obi-wan immediately rejects this perfectly viable option.

This justification is bullshit. Obi-wan is known for being a master tactician and yet he’s refusing Mace’s offer of backup? First of all, between the two of them alone, I’m certain they could have come up with a decent plan. Secondly, Obi-wan had to know that Maul wasn’t going to keep his word. Raydonia was going to burn, regardless of whether Obi-wan came alone or not. 

And, in fact, here is Exhibit A of Raydonia burning:

Even if he isn’t fully aware of this, I posit that Obi-wan rejects Mace’s offer not because he wants to save Raydonia on the premise of a very false promise (if he were truly concerned about Raydonia, he would have taken the task force), but because, as the title of this episode suggests - he wants revenge. 

And I doubt Obi-wan even admits this to himself, using his “noble-heart” to justify going to Raydonia alone to face a massive threat to both the Republic and Jedi in the middle of a war headed by the Sith.

By every logical, tactical measurement, Obi-wan should have taken backup. And he outright refuses it because of a personal vendetta. I have more to say about this in another post, but his actions here seem to be part of this cycle of “fall” and “absolution” that Obi-wan goes through in TCW, each “fall” going lower, each act of contrition more extreme. (And it plays into a theory I have that if the war had continued, if events had been just a little different - Obi-wan would have fallen and Dooku would have eventually gotten his most prized pupil.) It also says a lot that in the mirrored situation during the “Siege of Mandalore” arc, Ahsoka is only able to capture Maul because she brought the backup. Or, more precisely put, because Obi-wan authorized the (illegal) backup of he 501st. 

Mace, however, isn’t swayed by Obi-wan’s pretty terrible argument. (And for pretty damn good reason.)

But here is where it gets truly bizarre.

What the hell, Yoda? I was trying to figure out the thought process that would lead to Yoda authorizing this. Clearly, it’s not stemming from any military advantage or even thought towards the people of Raydonia. They’re already burnt to the ground, both in Maul’s mind and the Council’s mind (despite Obi-wan’s thin rationalizations). 

So then why? If I start with the really wild speculation, I suppose I could say that Yoda had someone form of...Force premonition that Obi-wan going alone to Raydonia would lead to an intervention by Ventress (who Yoda did sense was kicking and ambivalent about her role in the war) which would lead to Ahsoka’s trial and eventual acquittal which would lead to Maul being captured on Mandalore which would lead to the Duel on Malachor which would lead to Luke finding Grogu - 

Yeah, you know what? 

NO way that’s true. Not even Palpatine could see that far into the future so I can BS on that idea.

So why send Kenobi alone?

I think this harkens to what we see later during the “Wrong Jedi” arc.

 If Ahsoka’s trial was her great test, then Maul’s reappearance was Obi-wan’s. Both Mace and Yoda have to know that Obi-wan was teetering on the Dark Side when he beat Maul all those years ago (in fact, the TPM novelization basically states Obi-wan harnesses some Dark Side to beat Maul in his rage.) Mace wants to bring backup, for very practical reasons but also probably keep tabs on an Obi-wan who was at severe risk of becoming unbalanced. 

Yoda, on the other hand, sends Obi-wan alone to face his past, to face his darkness and overcome it (in the middle of a war with the Sith where the balance of power could have shifted significantly if Maul and Dooku and Sidious were able to coexist in the same room without the threat of first-degree murder). 

And here’s the thing. Both Obi-wan and Ahsoka FAIL this test. Ahsoka walks away from the Jedi, Obi-wan gets the snot pounded out of him, taps into his rage (this is not a man in control of himself),

...and then lets a war criminal go free in exchange for her help, all of which set up the disaster that Mandalore becomes in later seasons. In fact, Obi-wan doesn’t pass this supposed test until over 20 years later, on Tatooine. And...is it worth everything that occurred between this episode and “Twin Suns”? Could Yoda have foreseen all of this? Highly unlikely. It’s nice poetry,  but at what cost?

Which leads to another interesting observation - if Yoda feels this is Obi-wan’s test, then both he and Mace feel Obi-wan is more than capable of flirting with the Dark Side. (Yes, all Jedi are, of course, but this seems rather pointed for a man who is considered the pinnacle of Jedi-ness). Again, I have another long post gestating about this topic, but I doubt Mace and Yoda didn’t notice some signs of Obi-wan’s slow fall and attempts at absolution (it’s almost like the habits of an addict - fall, swear off the sauce, and than fall again, even lower) throughout TCW, but between the pressures of the war and trust in Obi-wan, they didn’t see it as a huge threat.

So after Obi-wan leaves for his Revenge Tour, Mace explains, rather diplomatically, that he thinks Yoda’s idea is hot garbage and that his (Maul’s) -

Yes, and Obi-wan at least does learn from this, as stated above...eventually.

Oh, Yoda. This is where I feel the Coucil lost their way. Again, Dooku’s famous quote about Yoda and the Council from the Clone Wars novelization:

"The Jedi Order's problem is Yoda. No being can wield that kind of power for centuries without becoming complacent at best or corrupt at worst. He has no idea that it's overtaken him; he no longer sees all the little cumulative evils that the Republic tolerates and fosters, from slavery to endless wars, and he never asks, 'Why are we not acting to stop this?' Live alongside corruption for too long, and you no longer notice the stench."

It could be argued that Yoda is placing this “test” of Obi-wan above the people of Raydonia, hell, the entire Republic, in priority. Raydonia is collateral damage, and if Obi-wan fails his test, so are many planets in the Republic (which is *exactly* what played out). I suppose, in the very end - again, 20 years later on Tatooine - this was resolved and Luke Skywalker was saved to eventually help redeem his father and destroy Palpatine but...that only really makes sense in hindsight and overlooks the bad decisions the Council and specifically Yoda, are making in real-time. 

And Mace is not convinced here. Too many things could go wrong. Maul could escape. Obi-wan could be killed. Obi-wan could possibly turn, or at least “darken,” so to speak. 

“Trust in the Force,” Mace might say, “but all others pay in credits.”

[master-sass-blast]

Sass Attacks Star Wars --Part One: the Padme/Anakin relationship.

Alright. Okay. THIS has been a looonnnggg time coming.

I love Star Wars. It was my first major movie franchise. Star Wars holds a near and dear place in my heart, and it always will.

H.O.W.E.V.E.R.

There are a lot of parts that just...

No.

And, with this specific edition, I’ll be ranting about the Padme/Anakin relationship in Attack of the Clones, Star Wars the Clone Wars, and Revenge of the Sith.

Largely because I have determined that George Lucas doesn’t know how to write women.

-FIRST AND FUCKING FOREMOST: A twenty-three year old, independent, politically successful, financially well-off woman is not going to harbor a deep romantic love for a boy that she met ten years ago and hasn’t seen since.

Just... no.

It’s not going to happen.

Especially when you consider that a nineteen year old would barely be out of high school.

There usually isn’t the level of emotional maturity that would attract an adult woman to a teenager barely out of high school.

Especially when you consider that the Jedi’s version of emotional maturity is “REPRESS. EVERYTHING.”

-But, I’ll admit that Attack of the Clones Hayden Christensen is, undeniably, fucking hot.

-I mean, look at him.

-So, charitably, perhaps Padme sees Anakin --still expecting the chubby cheeked kid she met ten years ago--and goes “Hot damn.”

I mean, I would.

-And, equally as charitable, let’s assume: 1.) Anakin is better at human interaction than the lines offered in the movie and 2.) doesn’t reek of stalker-y obsession like he did in the movie.

-So, like, maybe there’s an initial physical attraction, but Padme knows that Jedi are forbidden to have attachments and that engaging in a relationship with one can cause a LOT of scandal for all parties involved, so that’s the end of that.

I know I can’t be the only one with this kind of mindset. Like, did any of you ever see someone you’d never met at a party or coffee shop before, go ‘hot damn,’ maybe flirt with them a little, only to find out later that they’re with someone?

Like, you automatically put that option off the table. Even if you have feelings for them, you don’t act on them.

That’s what Padme would do, in my opinion. She might be attracted to him, might be attracted to the power he exudes, but in the end she would know better and let the idea go.

Side note: There’s no contesting that Padme is gorgeous. She probably has a dozen Senators and nobles offering to court her at any given time. There’s probably at least five serious Republic based fanclubs for her, plus at LEAST one underground Separatist one. A Jedi PADAWAN with an obvious crush on her isn’t going to set her off-balance that much.

-And OH BOY does letting go of pursuing a relationship with Anakin end up being the right idea.

-Remember that scene in AotC, where Anakin’s bitching about the Council and Obi-Wan limiting his abilities and power while Padme packs to leave for Naboo?

-Yeah, THAT ONE.

-Any self respecting woman knows that when a guy starts bitching like that (and not venting frustrations or talking, BITCHING) an immediate red flag needs to go up.

I’ve met guys that did stuff like that, over similar topics that Anakin whined about, in a similar attitude, and WHOO BOY.

At best, they were apathetic disasters that had no motivation for life and minimal empathy for others. Classic selfish assholes.

At worst, they were actual sociopaths/psychopaths (and, yes, I’m dead serious).

-And, even if Padme has sympathy for Anakin’s “predicament” (more on that at another date), his behavior clearly shows that he’s not ready for a relationship --even if he wasn’t a Jedi.

-So, aside from being off limits, he’s emotionally immature. End of story, end of attraction.

-BUT THEN: the flight to Naboo happens.

-And it’s OBVIOUS Anakin’s flirting with her.

-Which, ya know, awkward, but excusable.

-Until he tells her that he dreams about her.

Even as a preteen, nothing about this line was romantic to me. It did not “set fire” to my loins then, and it especially doesn’t now that I’m twenty.

Like, if the guy is not your partner, there’s nothing sweet about hearing that you’ve been “dreamed about.”

It’s really creepy. Like, when I was younger, I thought it was just cringey. Now that I’m older, it’s just creepy and a clear indication that Anakin either doesn’t care about Padme’s comfort or is just EXTREMELY bad at reading emotional and social cues.

I mean, I’d buy the latter, because --ya know--the Jedi order, but the context doesn’t change that it only repels/destroys any growing attraction.

-So now, Anakin’s gone from “forbidden fruit,” to “arrogant and emotionally immature,” to “awkward, but forgivable,” to “awkward and creepy.”

-And they’re going to spend a lot of time together in an isolated location with minimal contact with other people.

-And, ladies, we all know what we do when we hit situations like that:

Spend as little time with the person as possible and contact for help/a replacement, that’s right!

-So, assuming that Padme goes this route, the kiss scene never happens. The scene with the black dress:

(Yeah, that ^^^^^ dress) Never happens. Ever.

-Anakin still has nightmares about his mother, and Padme still agrees to help, because one of Padme’s best personality traits is her compassion for others.

-They go to Tatooine. Padme dresses much more sensibly for the environment because she is a smart, educated woman with a vast wardrobe and because she’s trying to deflect attention from Anakin.

-Anakin murders the Tusken Raiders after his mother dies. Padme finds out (in a group setting, not one on one, because she’s smart enough to not isolate herself with him) and Anakin goes from an “awkward and creepy” to a “get me the fuck out of here, please.”

-They stay on Tatooine, as told, so that Padme doesn’t have to spend a lot of time with Anakin, in space, alone. This is because Padme is smart, and knows that going to a Separatist world as a Republic Senator without cover, a plan, or an idea of what she’s getting into with a guy that just murder dozens of sentient beings is not a good idea.

-Obi Wan is rescued. The Clone Army comes to save the day. Dooku gets away. Anakin and Padme are picked up by a Republic cruiser and escorted back to Coruscant.

-There is no confession of love from Padme, and no secret wedding. Padawan and Senator part ways, and Padme heaves a sigh of relief for it.

-Revenge of the Sith continues without the marriage/pregnancy sub-plot.

No one cares, because it wasn’t that convincing to begin with.

-Padme lives, and goes on to be a founder and major actor in the Underground resistance.

-Anakin goes on to be Vader by downfall via insecurity. There’s more than enough for Palpatine to manipulate without Padme in the picture.

Essentially, what bugs me about the Padme/Anakin sub-plot is that it’s deeply misogynistic and shows an utter lack of knowledge on writing women well. Padme’s status as a politician is little more than a necklace --a dazzling piece of flashy jewelry that, aside from looking good, serves no real purpose in the movies.

(I’ll grant that Padme’s status as a Senator is used far better in the TV show, but I think the full potential was never truly reached. But more on that later.)

Aside from a tiny handful of scenes, we never see her act as a Senator. We never see her using her years of experience and expertise to negotiate deals, suggest new policies, or advise the Queen she serves. We got to see Palpatine do that in Phantom Menace, but we never get to see Padme do it in the movies.

In addition, it’s abundantly and PAINFULLY clear that George Lucas doesn’t know how to write female characters, much less female characters in love. Padme doesn’t have a specific, consistent characterization in the movies. She’s all over the page, especially in Revenge of the Sith. Her emotional range is wildly underwhelming, and her intellectual prowess is completely stifled by having all the plot point lines go to the men around her.

(And I don’t mean that Natalie Portman’s emotional range is underwhelming. Movie!Padme’s emotional range is underwhelming. In my opinion, Natalie Portman got handed a shitty script and did her best.)

In the long run, Movie!Padme is nothing but Anakin’s arm candy. She rarely makes choices for herself, rarely gets to do anything that the men around her don’t approve of, and rarely has a scene without Anakin.

Also, Padme isn’t a woman in love. There isn’t one convincing moment of narrative in the movies OR the books. She just seems uncomfortable, unhappy, or disturbed. We can believe that Anakin has a crush on/obsession with Padme because of his behavior and body language, but that’s never reflected by Padme.

Side note: Anakin lists his reasons for “loving” Padme as her beauty (possibly her compassion) and the fact that she “kissed him.” Padme never gives one reason in the movies for why she loves Anakin.

Think about it.

Anyway, TL;DR: the Padme/Anakin relationship makes no sense, is poorly written, and goes against basic female behaviors towards guys like Anakin.