#like yeah? human and not human???? black barrel draining her life???? dying in lb7 twice???? losing her force of providence aka 'fate' ?????

[hopeled]

what she says: im fine

what she means: ritsuka has done so much and been through so much and survived so much but also she’s extremely fucked up to the point that she dissociates constantly and also refuses to give up constantly and she’s carrying so much weight on her shoulders that some servants have pointed out how she looks human but looking into her eyes that she’s also something not human and it’s from the sheer amount of crap she’s survived and done in the lostbelts and her heart has endured so much trauma from the first 6 that even if it would be a dud, daybit having it as plan C for ort says so much and casgil saying she’s lost her force of providence which means she’s more susceptible to misfortune and that also being taken every time the black barrel is fired which drains more of her life and she is running out of time but also refuses to rest like did you see her expressions during the ort fight you literally saw the light fade from her eyes but she REFUSED to stop until after it was confirmed to finally be dead they’re constantly pushing their everything past their limits because they have to like yes she’s just an ordinary human but she’s done SO MUCH and she has to go past the limits of a human because it’s all for nothing if she doesn’t and it can’t be and she’s constantly surrounded by so much death and has lost so many people and helped destroy so many lives via the lostbelts and she’s not a hero it’s more the anti-hero role and like she’s accepted that and she won’t stop just yet and i’ve always said how her determination is what makes her the most pain in the ass enemy you’ve ever had and i mean that but also i’m so sad because she had such an ordinary life but so much has gone on that even if the world gets fixed and even if she lives through it that adjusting to being normal again would be almost impossible and i’m so sad man