#like- i get it if you’re not educated about figure skating but FOR GODS SAKE DONT CALL HIM THE ICE PRINCE.

[or-we-could-take-a-walk-together]

imagine being a figure skating fan and an enhypen fan and seeing people saying that if he weren’t to retire, sunghoon would’ve become the greatest figure skater of all time and calling him the “ice prince” (a title reserved for yuzuru hanyu) and putting *sunghoon does triple axel* AT A DOUBLE LUTZ and refusing to admit the fact that he is the korean equivalent of jason brown (good artistry, bad technicality), and saying that he is the best figure skater korea has ever had WHEN YUNA KIM AND JUNHWAN CHA ARE RIGHT THERE.

[downbythewater-beachblondee]

23 | Which Doctor?

Elijah

~

Three days easily became seventy two hours by the trillionth of a second without a doubt. If it weren't for my bouts of paranoia, maybe I would've continued taking my Xanax. Either way the gander went, Sanaa left no trace for me to sniff up. Unlike every other epoch with her, she had vanished with no intentions of ever contacting me again. And how? Sanaa was a character of few. She disappeared whenever she saw fit for ridiculous reasons but she would always make it her duty to put up those little white flags of parley, as if to say "I'm sorry. Im okay, again."

Like standing outside of her house at 2 o'clock in the morning. I mean, of course she knew I would show up eventually, right?

Or even answering the door with only a measly little robe on and her hair tied. Come on. She would've only known it would be me waiting at the door.

But that was then...and this is now.

Today marks the second day out of three that I've paced ridiculously around the pond. I'd seen her maybe once or twice accompanied by a group of girls including my sister cuddled up against some pregnant broad. That was her. Gay as hell.

I hadn't shaven since Sanaa left and I was going on maybe two or three hours worth of sleep; of course I couldn't muster the courage to approach her unceasing radiance in such matters. I was a mess. That and I was a pussy. Maybe even a little slither of a creep. I'd met her across from a tree for two days on end. Then I'd lie in the abyss of the tiny forest and trod home.

I didn't call in sick. Shit, I might have even been close to loosing my job.

I was always afraid. Afraid of loosing something. But again, I was a pussy so I couldn't step up to anything the way normal people did.

The ticking of the clock frightened me at night. So did the shadows of the pine trees outside. So in my mind all accounts traced to Xanax. I'd emptied them all in the toilet and stuck my finger down my throat. I was a doctor for Christ's sakes. Everyone knew Xanax was the number one cause of Paranoia.

But then I'd have these strange night terror's of Esther. She was naked. Holding her stomach. That's really all. Nothing gruesome. Nothing gory. Nothing too thought provoking. But they'd continued constantly throughout the night and it felt like she was looking at me. Like she was saying "Why, Elijah? You let him kill me."

I cut myself a few times.

But then again, I was a bit too pussy to let myself bleed out completely.

So I just sat and stared at the blood until I was able to shut my thoughts up enough to watch friends and drink a cup of chamomile tea.

Still didn't clean up the iota of blood.

On the third day, I had awoken to the scowl of my mother peering down on me.

"The fuck is all this blood doing on the coffee table."

Good thing my arms were covered. I had them crossed.

"What are you even doing here?" I clipped, honestly wondering how the fuck she got in my house.

"Your father and I wanted to get the family together for a family reunion."

I grimaced in confusion. We hadn't been to a family reunion in years. Not since dad was caught in the bathroom with momma's sister. Bad year.

"Family reunion?" I repeated.

"Yes. You. Your siblings. Me and your dad."

"Wait, how did you-"

"Get up. We're going bowling."

Alright. Maybe I needed to get out the house anyway.

_______________

The car ride was bountifully silent. Rosie was connected to her walkman as was T.J. to his gameboy. Dad was driving. Mom was nuts and also reading a magazine.

"What kind of family reunion are we talking? Are we going out of town or something?"

"Don't be silly, Eli. It's a stay-cation." She smiled proudly lifting the words out of her mouth just as she'd lifted it out of a Marie-Claire issue.

"Stay-cation." I mouthed.

I tried not thinking about Esther or Sanaa during the bumpy car ride but it was nearly impossible. They both knew Rosie but only one of them had the likings of my mom. Even I didn't have that.

After strolling into the alley like a pack of unattached neanderthals, my dad bought our tickets, we settled into our shoes and finally let the bowling begin.

T.J. was an entire clit when it came to bowling. He sucked ass and that was final. Although Titus and I barely had a sliver of a relationship since well, ever, we rekindled whatever we didn't have during the slop shod bowling night.

"You're a twat."

"And you, my friend, have spent way to much fucking time in Europe."

"That's enough you two..." My mother scolded. "Make way for mama."

"Mama, why do you have on a tennis hat?" I asked.

"Exactly. This isn't tennis...and we're inside."

All of us, even daddy, laughed at each other.

"Oh, hush. You have to get in the game," Mama began, readying herself to roll the ball, only to score perfectly knocking down all of the pins. "To beat the game."

It was too perfect. All of us were getting along even if it was all fake and phony. However, something seemed off.

Rosie was glued to her Nokia.

Which was odd even for her. Rosie was never one to kiss up to Dinah. But moments like these when everyone was getting along was like golden ice cream for her. She inhaled it like someone would take it soon. Which was true. This little family stay-cation wasn't playing for keeps. Pretty soon, dad and mom would be at their adversary's and the house would be empty as it always is.

But this was probably the first summer we had all took part together.

Something had to be wrong with her.

"Rosetta," I called, hoping to get a reaction out of her. However, I didn't. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing,"

"Well mom and dad are getting along pretty well."

She shrugged, tapping her fingers against the metal screen.

"Rose. What's going on? You haven't even put your shoes on."

"I figured why would I? All of this is fake anyway."

"Yeah but...they're trying-"

"Then tell them to try harder...it's a little too late for that shit."

What the hell was eating her up? I figured it had something to do with that short, pregnant chick from down by the water.

"How's your love life so far?" I probed.

She looked at me, pausing what she was doing.

"Since when have you ever cared about my love life?"

"I know that you're fucking insane for not bowling with me. And I know it ain't no nigga that's got you buggin' like this."

She chuckled which made me smile. I got her to laugh.

"You're right. I guess I need to put this thing down for a while."

"As you should." I agreed, remembering how just a few hours ago I was too punk to kill myself. "So who's got your boxers in a twist?"

"I'll let you know as soon as they deliver your panties. Extra small, right?"

"Very funny." I chided, nudging her slightly.

"Well, you remember the girl I brought to the funeral?" She asked.

Maybe I would've heard her if it weren't for my withdrawals. I noticed a woman with fat brown hair and a 70s halter top skating towards the restrooms. It had to be Sanaa. So I did the creepiest thing anyone could do. I followed her. And I waited outside the bathroom door until she walked out revealing the same hair but a different face. So I smiled, hoping to match her gaze of derision.

She snarled, dismissing herself.

Fuck. I really needed to take some more Xanax.

I lingered over towards the rest of the family before anything could get any more wicked than it already was. I should've known my dad would strike up a conversation exactly when I didn't want or need any of it.

"You gettin' along fine?" He asked, hinting towards my sex life since Esther's death.

"Yes dad." I replied.

No. No the fuck I did not plan on explaining my sex life to my dad post the death of my first wife. Nope. I didn't want to blame it on Sanaa, the sweetheart by day and woman by night who also showed up at Esther's funeral. Not that my dad would have remembered or anything. But Sanaa was certainly packing something behind her. I'm sure my dad was the first to see it.

All that and then some.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, dad. Sure as sure can be."

I knew he'd go ahead with whatever lecture he could find through the files of his mind. He'd talk about strength, prosperity, the male's position in the household and how it should be fulfilled and if it isn't fulfilled to go find it somewhere else. How money was the answer to all things.

All that and then some.

But I could give a rats ass. I needed a clear up. Yeah. A clear up.

The reason I was in this mess in the first place had nothing to do with Esther's death. It was the ambiguity of the cyanide that had me fucked and I couldn't live with myself. Kylo was a snake and I'd been pushing the mere thought of his name in the trenches of mind since the night I found out about her death.

If he had anything to do with Cyanide that killed her all ties would link back to me. My fingerprints were on all of the materials I'd given him. One of the reasons why I kept my mouth shut. That and...well...priorities haven't really been one of the main things on my list.

"Are you hearing me?"

"...Yeah. Yeah dad. I hear you, listen I wanted to ask you something,"

"Why, yes. Go ahead."

Wow. Wow. Here goes. If I had an opioid monitor it'd be beeping the hell out of this place right now.

I needed the strongest cocaine you could give. I was about to get as close as truth could get me. And honestly, now was the first time I had even thought of the truth since well, I can't date back that far.

"You can clear things up...in the system. Right dad?"

"Well, I suppose. What sort of things?"

Homicide.

"Certain things that only you could do. Sort of like...my doctorate. You made that happen, why not anything else."

"You didn't get somebody pregnant did you?"

"No!" I lied.

Who knows about anything these days. Maybe if Sanaa would answer the god damn phone I'd be one educated mother fucker.

"Well, let's talk then."

It was then that I realized Esther had possessed me that day. Her boldness wore into me. Finally I had a backbone.

Happy was what happy wasn't. And I wasn't.

Happy.