#like. I really like the stuff with chihiro just talking to the other employees and the stuff with no face

[veeslug]

There is nothing more disappointing than finally checking out a movie that basically everyone says is really really good and gets tons of hype only for it to be the most mediocre thing you’ve ever seen.

[diamond-dangeresque]

Day 5 — Love

1336AE, New Kaineng City—Downtown Wajjun

"When are you heading home?" is the first serious question out of Zhou Yao's mouth once the ingredients have been fully delivered and the waiter leaves their table. They and Chihiro begin grabbing some ingredients to shovel into their boiling hotpot stock. The smells of bone broth and spices waft in the air, vegetables and mushrooms adding further to their fragrance when they're slipped into the boiling liquid. The sound of others' conversations blend into background noise. All that feels to be here is these two, one dressed in their nicest casualwear and the other casual but still half-armored with a blade sheathed at his hip. Even amidst the noise of the noonday lunch crowd, the question feels like it carries its own echo.

Chihiro looks quizzical at how to approach this question before deciding bluntness might be the best approach here: "Not sure I want to, really."

Yao looks up, stopping their getting-ready to dunk some rice noodles into the soup. "I don't understand."

"Hm? What's not to understand?"

"I mean..." They put their chopsticks down and lace their fingers together, resting their chin atop it. "Your merc company–"

"The Mistblade company," Chihiro answers, "what about it?" He takes a sip of water from his glass.

"Well...don't you have that 'selfmade business' to go back to?"

"It kind of runs itself at this point." The Revenant shrugs. The waiter returns with a long flat plate full of meat cuts, laying it at an empty part of the table and leaving again. "Dragon's Watch as a guild is as good as dissolved—our whole reason to exist got fulfilled, I guess—but people will always need a sellsword for something, and between Briar and Surt and Fossa they have the whole thing covered. I'm just a figurehead bringing in the occasional paycheck now." And, of course, all the Whisper agents who use 'being a sellsword' as a cover for their own jobs. "A faaar cry from back when I was its head and only employee."

"And your...niece, was it? You'd leave her behind?"

Matsu. Fuck. That topic was far more sensitive. But it had to be dealt with if Chihiro wanted whatever exactly was between him and Yao to work out. Holding secrets ends badly with folks like them. "Matsu's been...honestly, she's been fine without me for a few years now."

"That's a pretty cold way to talk about family..." Yao grabs a slice of pork and begins to dip it into the broth, swirling it amongst the mushrooms and vegetables before fishing it all out into a small bowl and beginning to eat.

Chihiro sighs. "It's not like I hate her and I'm doing this on purpose; it's just..." Chihiro does the same, continuing his chain of thought: "You separate for a few years due to duty and your only family left being put under protection and then you just get used to only occasional family meetings."

"Protection???" Yao repeats, mouth half-full of cabbage/radish/pork. They swallow, forcing all that down with a tall drink from their own glass of water.

"Yeeeeeah. I made some very scary enemies back in the day. They liked trying to fuck with my family since they knew fucking with me was useless." A pause. He shoves the cooked pork down his gullet alongside some sliced shiitake, lotus root, and sweet potato wrapped in a leafy chard piece. "I...I already lost a grandmother and two nephews to this crazy bitch years and years ago. She would have killed Matsu too if Matsu didn't decide to wander off and look for me. And when I learned said crazy bitch wanted to finish what she started with me personally..."

The color drains from Yao's face. "Oh gods. I'm so sorry." And here they were comfortable believing this sort of thing was reserved for either the worst of the gang wars in the Echovald or a really bad day from the Purists. They knew some bad stuff went down in Tyria a number of years ago, but...

"It's...it's alright. It's all history at this point, and the context is good for you to know."

"Is." Yao slips some potato slices into the broth alongside some cauliflower. The conversation got awkward-feeling fast, but backing out would only make this all the weirder. "Is she okay?"

Chihiro's response is an involuntary chuckle, and then adding to that, "She's been trying to get permission from her mentor to head to Cantha for months now. The second she learned I ended up here she decided she was gonna try and beat my head in for—her words, not mine—'heading somewhere amazing and ditching her like old socks'. I think she's fine."

"Not that," Yao sighs half-amused, "though that is good to hear. I mean...is she okay? Because if I remember my math right, she was pretty young when all that went down. Even coming from me, that's a lot for a kid to go through."

Oh. The memories come back to him again, clearer this time, fresher. Old wounds began to stir and sting again. "Honestly...I think she was more okay than I was. She was pretty motivated; I...I just slumped for a while. Kinda only kept moving 'cause of her and 'cause of work."

"I don't know. You're pretty motivated when you want to be. Which is often, from my own observations."

"Times were much worse back then, and I hide things very well." Ah, there was that mask again, slipping back on in the face of sorrow.

"Maybe around others. But you're terrible at hiding from me~." Yao smiles a bit more. Chihiro reciprocates. But the smile fades as the engineer's expression sobers a bit. "Sorry if all this opened up some bad memories. Wasn't my intention. It just all seemed...I don't know how to word this. Odd?"

"Like I said, it's all history at this point," he responds, opting to grab some more meat and soak it into the broth alongside some sweet potato chunks. "And you help a lot with me coming to terms with all this. You've been a big help, actually."

"Don't be ridiculous," Yao says, waving off the Revenant's compliment and trying their best to mask a small blush. "I make good conversation, that's all."

"No, really! You..." Without the blindfold, Chihiro looks straight on at Yao, with Yao returning the eye contact. "You're wonderful to be around. Most people I've been with, they're pretty content to be with the front I put up: the charming, handsome warrior of Divinity's Reach; the enigmatic Pact Commander, leader of whole armies with the world on his shoulders; the roguish godslayer, the willing apostate. But you, Yao?" He breaks that eye contact for a bit, is looking away with those big blue eyes that everyone else says are so scary and pointed when the blindfold is off, but right now to Yao they're eyes seeking answers to a question Yao thinks Chihiro has been asking himself for a very long time. And those eyes look back, lock back on, to them. "You're the first person who's been okay with me. Just me. No titles. Flaws and all."

"The things you think are flaws," Yao responds, tone softened and kept to a half-whisper, "are what in fact makes you so charming. Not that you don't have things to work on, but you also like to beat yourself up for things you really shouldn't."

"Please." The Revenant finishes off his half of the meat platter, moving on to dunking some noodles into the broth. "You don't have to flatter me."

"I'm serious! There's this scrappy charm to you. Your sense of justice, your willingness to see things done right when it matters, and even your brash personality, it all comes off as endearing."

"Not when you first met me," the Revenant chuckles as he scoops his noodles into a bowl with his chopsticks.

"Because I didn't know you then the way I know you now, obviously," is Yao's retort, "but now I have context. You're not just some loudmouth foreigner who brags about being a hero and uses your name as a bludgeon to get your way like others say you are and do." Yao takes their own noodles, thinner and clear unlike their partner's choice of thicker buckwheat, and soaks it in the diminishing broth. Their voice softens. "You're a sweet man. Gentle in spite of your strength. You care deeply about others, more than you let on. You worry about the consequences of your own actions more than your own actions itself at times. And you're actually pretty smart, in your own way."

Chihiro has to hold back a larger chuckle while eating his noodles. When he does finish, he responds, "Uh huh. Yao, I can hardly work a jadetech toaster, let alone half the things in this city. My jade bot still tries to slap me. By all accounts, I must be a moron in your eyes."

"Yet you can run circles around this country's best fighters and their strategists. And your dungeoneering is second to none, else the Royal Archivist Soviety wouldn't have gotten half as far into Northern Kaineng as they did. Intelligence isn't just about knowing how to troubleshoot tech or being able to understand how guns work. Even if Rama teases you on that."

What was left of the mask Chihiro made for himself to wear for Yao has long since slipped off. He doesn't know what to say to this. He doesn't know if Yao is just trying to soothe his well-bruised ego or if they're genuine about their words. But on thinking of their time together, on thinking of his feelings towards the Engineer and all they've said to each other and done together, a sensation in his mind and heart smother the doubt. Compared to most others, Yao seemed genuine, truly in belief, of their words to Chihiro.

Only Belinda ever felt this genuine. And even she, gods rest her weary soul, still bought some of that façade.

Maybe these past few months together weren't just a fling of convenience or fun.

The waiter passes by and Chihiro flags him down while maintaining eye contact with Yao. He finishes his thoughts as best as he can, keeping his voice steady, "Like I said before: Dragon's Watch is done since all the dragons save for Aurene are dead, the Pact has nothing to do now with all the international threats done and over with, and my company thrives and lives without me at its wheel. With nothing to do, usually, I wander." His gaze almost wanders away, just a moment, to the open sky above them. "I get restless. I leave everyone I know because I don't know how to stay still. So committing to things, committing to people, I find it hard. Really hard. I don't..." He pauses, gathering his thoughts as he also hands the waiter a coinbag for the lunch payment. "I never felt at home in Kryta with the Seraph or as a mercenary. I never felt at home in Ascalon, temping with the Adamantine or bashing Separatist heads in. I almost felt at home with the pirates—" —but Mai Trin burned all that to the ground years and years ago. "—but that wasn't really enough either. Home for me is where I feel I can finally stop. Where I can rest. I've been looking for years. And, well, now I feel at home with you."

The words seemed a lot more flowery for Chihiro than he normally uses, or so Yao tells themself. But once the words finally process in their mind, their eyes widen. If this is what they think it is... "I... Chihiro, don't be ridiculous, what are you sa—"

Oh for fucks sakes. "Yao, I love you."

There's a silence that grows heavy between the two, masked only barely by the clammer of the other restaurant patrons chattering away about whatever. Yao remains stunned, mouth drying by the second. Chihiro can hear his heart practically trying to drill itself out of his ribcage. It was now or never, the Revenant told himself. If he could hear the echoes and spirits over the sounds of the crowd plus his own heartbeat, they'd probably be rolling over with laughter. He never felt so un-suave and dopey in his life until now, trying to wax poetic and just barreling through a thesaurus instead. Was it the lack of alcohol? Was it because this wasn't an act, there isn't a guardrail he can hold onto, no comfortable excuse to press a button and self-eject out of a scene with? Is it because the thing he feels for this Engineer goes deeper than any of his previous flings?

(Or was it because the last two people he was truly serious with died? The Revenant dreads the day in which lover's plot #3 calls for Zhou Yao...)

"Wow. Oh wow. This is..."

"Yeeeah, I figured this wasn't going to work," Chihiro half-mumbles as he scoots his own seat back to get up, trying with desperation to grab the last pieces of his broken coolguy mask, "sorry for wasting your time, I'll grab my things and—"

"Stop right there," Yao tells him, themself standing up before their (friend? friend-with-benefits? lover?? beloved??? uhhhhh) can dash into the night like he's said he's done before. "I'm trying to process all these thoughts, you are not running from this until I do." Chihiro feels his feet freeze in place. They walk over to the Revenant with the warmest smile he's seen yet from them. "Gods, you absolute dummy."

Chihiro's ears tingle. He looks back, then Yao does, at the restaurant. It seems their talk has drawn some attention to them, what with people staring and whispering to each other about that noisy couple and making a scene out of their spat.

"Hm." The Engineer hums, threading their arm around Chihiro's. "Maybe we can continue this talk at my apartment. Privately."

"Uhh." Yao leads Chihiro to walking from the restaurant.

"For the record: I love you, too. You just gotta find a way to not draw so much attention when you do these things~."

[kherohi]

Newcomer’s impression of Nijisanji (October 2020)

When I first started watching Nijisanji clips at the start of October 2020, it only took me a few days to realize that there was no coming back - barring a life-changing event, there was no way I would stop watching them in the next few years.

I decided to go through the Nijisanji official website with my one-week’s worth of clip-watching and record my thoughts on each liver so that I would have something to look back on. My knowledge back then was completely based off the clips I watched, so it’s interesting to see how absolutely skewed some of my impressions were.

I also added some of my current thoughts now that I’m one year in. Maybe next year I’ll look back and wonder how the heck I ever thought some of these things.

Disclaimer: I’m not thinking too hard when I write this stuff. It’s opinion, not fact.

Below are the livers that I could recognize and name on the official website. I’ve kept the name as I remember them, so some of them might be nicknames depending on how I knew them.

(The entries were written progressively from one week to one month of starting to watch Nijisanji.)

Tsukino Mito: She’s the Iinchou! She seems to have been around for a long time. She’s very popular. Since she’s been around for a while, she has inspired other people to join Nijisanji. One of these is Kenmochi Touya, who she self-proclaimed as her son. I don’t know much about her content, but she has a nice voice and it seems that she can sing as well.

I didn’t yet know just how influential she was, but I knew enough to include it in the description. Although I don’t really watch her, I do occasionally check out clips and it’s interesting to see what she comes up with.

Himawari: She’s cute and stupid! In the Dokuzuhonsha family she’s the older sister. She’s very positive. Though I’ve seen her often in collabs, I haven’t seen many clips of her own content. I can’t add much except for her airheaded-ness. She has great sibling interactions with Kuzuha.

This description was clearly based on watching Dokuzuhonsha clips, haha. But I still agree about her positivity! Now I think of her as hard-working and very kind!

Sasaki Saku: She is well-known for her panda outfit, but she has different outfits now. She can be quite ruthless... though that’s a common trait among Nijisanji livers. Although I can’t think of anything in particular to say about her, I do like her and if there’s an interesting looking video with her, I’d like to click it.

Why did I have an image that Nijisanji is ruthless? For that matter, I wonder what clip gave me the impression that Sasaki is ruthless. Well, she can be blunt and a bit of a brat.

Kuzuha: This famous guy. He’s a vampire - he’s lived for a long time. He’s socially awkward and makes sudden non-sequitors in his solo streams. He forms a unit called ChroNoiR with Kanae. He sings by himself and with ChroNoiR. In the Dokuzuhonsha family he’s the younger brother. After collabing with Ritsuki and the awkward conversations that ensued, the weather deck was created. His video thumbnails mostly look the same (red). His streams primarily have to do with gaming. He’s fun to watch and he’s good at games.

I pretty much agree with this one. I watched a lot of Kuzuha clips in my first week, so the impression was pretty accurate. Congrats on 1M subscribers! He’s going far!

Kanae: He’s a person that bullies people in a comedic way. Lots of people like him, but they are understandably wary of him because he has a tendency to use his friends as bait. He has a psychopath side that he plays up to scare others. He’s very calm most of the time, but can get heated in FPS. His character is someone with amnesia. He’s never uncomfortable - he can take things as they come. He’s friends with Kuzuha. He’s also very good at games. He can lie with a straight face. I really like his videos. I’d like to watch more. His cat plush is Roto.

There were definitely a lot of clips of Kanae playing pranks on people. It ended up being half of this description lol. I can’t say it’s wrong, but there’s certainly more to Kanae than pranks. Now he gives me a feeling of motivation for self-improvement.

Lize: I’ve seen her in a few collabs. I like her design. I haven’t seen her enough to form a proper opinion and haven’t started diving into her content at all. She’s cute though and I would be interested in seeing what she does.

I still haven’t watched her too much even after all this time, but now I have the impression that she has interesting talks. Also, she likes Mito.

Ange: I’ve seen her a few times. Not a huge impression, but she seems fun and plays off well with others possibly? I would be interested in watching more of her.

“plays off well with others” - she’s a bit awkward, but that makes it more fun to watch. Her interaction with male members is funny to watch.

Shiishii: She’s cute! a cute voice too! I don’t think I’d watch her solo, but I think she would be good in collabs. I don’t know much about her.

Kinda rude to say I wouldn’t watch her solo? Though true enough, I have just been watching her in collabs. Too many livers in Nijisanji. >_<

Utako: I saw Mayu look through her profile, so I know about her love of BL, shota, and all degeneracy like that. Any video with her about those topics are bound to be fun. That’s what I like about Nijisanji! Shotacon allies with Akina.

I’ve only come to learn more about her degeneracy, and it’s consistent with my expectations. I only hear about them on the side though - haven’t gotten to the point of actually watching the streams.

Ryushen: Gender: unknown. Ryushen is cool, though I haven’t seen too much of them. I haven’t thought of watching any solo content for Ryushen. Probably would only watch if it was a collab with someone else I know.

I recognized Ryushen enough to think they were cool, but I didn’t mention singing at all!? How did I manage that?? Now Ryushen = good at singing and interesting content to me.

Ars: She is very very shy. She’s also cute though. She has a very cute voice. She seems to have a master-disciple relationship with Ex Albio based on Minecraft. Their interactions are very entertaining. Would like to see more of it.

There’s been some amount of Ebimaru content, past me would be happy - present me is happy. I watch her Minecraft streams occasionally. She’s really good at building stuff.

Yashiro: IT employee! A totally normal human. His streams seem pretty mellow... well, the only one I say was a fetish-adding dice game... But it was very fun! In the Dokuzuhonsha family, he’s the dad. He’s pretty conscientious and responsible. He also got drunk and fell asleep on stream. I like watching him, especially when he has fun with the other adults (Kagami, Chaika, Yumeoi)

I agree with this description. That fetish-adding dice game stream sure was fun. I’d nearly forgotten about it. I feel the need to mention rhythm games though.

Chihiro: She is very good at APEX. She was in a tournament with Kanae and Kuzuha as teammates and they got pretty far. She can be serious which shows how much she cares. She has a cute voice. I would click a video with if it looked interesting.

Chihiro = APEX. It only takes a week to figure that out huh.

Hoshikawa Sara: I know her from Minecraft collabs with Kanae. They’re like siblings. She’s always laughing. Her voice can be kind of annoying, but that’s the sort of annoying little sister vibe she gives me. She likes teasing people by calling them papa (Kanae and Yumeoi). When I watch her I know the tension will be high.

I still agree with this. The papa teasing is reserved for Yumeoi though. She has a lot of covers out though!

Kagami Hayato: CEO of Kagami Industrials/whatever company. Fans love giving him money. He gets easily flustered. He always speaks politely. He gets teased a lot and I like watching him as he gets teased and tries to stop it. He’s very pure. That all said, he does have a violent side (as expected of Nijisanji). In Ark, he wanted to start a war and really went all in for that. When he played Forest with Yumeoi, he got used to killing stuff. He also likes metal and has a great scream. I like how he is with the people he debuted with. He’s like a papa. He also sings and has model building streams. He’s not good at playing FPS. He feels a bit of rivalry with Chaika, but admires him. Also, Minecraft underground.

This description was just a dump of all the clips I watched about him wasn’t it? Haha, the first half is a good description still. I still like his voice and gap.

Debi Debi Debiru: A god? A devil? In any case, Debidebi Debiru is basically a religion? a cult? They are pretty small. They have a very unique voice. Beyond that, I don’t really know too much about them. They seem to have been around for a long time. A senpai to others.

What was I thinking when I wrote this? Well, now Debi is just a koala to me. A really impressive 3D though.

Belmond Banderas: This guy is a man among men. Awesome deep voice. He’s got a very cool vibe - I think lots of people must think he’s cool. I don’t know too much else. I’ve seen a few videos with him in them. His voice is so deep! He once had a collab with Sasaki Saku in Minecraft?

He’s not only cool, but nice too! But the strongest impression is still his voice.

Gundou Mirei: I know her mostly due to her ship with Kanda - GunKan. She’s a teacher in the virtual world and real world. She was once found out by her students since she uses the same voice. She likes money. She’s a tsundere type. GunKan is a popular ship. Hoshikawa ships them and at least once pretended to be their child.

lol I don’t remember why I wrote that she likes money.

Mayuzumi Kai: His character is a hacker. His greeting is Domo. When he first joined Nijisanji he did streams where he read through the Nijisanji members’ profiles to get to know them. He was tied with Debidebi as best communication skills by Nijisanji staff. He’s got a really calm demeanor. Low energy. His English pronunciation is very good. He’s the type to play tricks on his colleagues, it seems (summer festival with the puff fish). He is a group called BLUE with Ars and someone else... Lize? I like what I’ve seen of him so far. He wants to be more popular with female viewers.

It started off well. Then Blues... It’s Uiha! Uiha is the third member! I clearly just picked a character with a somewhat blue colour. I also didn’t seem to be aware of the whole 2434 system thing yet. Now I see him as someone interesting and responsible. I sometimes listen to his zatsudan before sleeping since he has such a calm voice.

Hanabatake Chaika: He wears a maid outfit. He’s very eccentric. He references Jojo a lot. He’s on good terms with Kagami. He seems to be pretty successful. He even has his own card. His streams seem fun, especially his 3D streams. There seems to be a fluffy pink thing that he interacts with in 3D streams.

The mention of his 3D streams is good! Agreed!

Dola: A fire drake. In the Dokuzuhonsha family, she’s the mother. She’s good at singing and dancing. She’s weak to horror, but not as much as Kuzuha. Her famous quote is “o cha wo nomimasu”. She has a nice dynamic with Yashiro.

Another description that was written mostly based on Dokuzuhonsha clips, I believe. And the o cha wo nomimasu clip.

Joker: I only know him from the twister game. He seems to talk about dicks a lot?

I fell for the Joker reading. It’s Joe Rikiichi! Also, this is what happens when you try to describe someone with only one clip. Now he’s someone too cultured for me to understand. And he has a really good singing voice.

Ex Albio: The hero! He’s apparently quite lucky. He gives off the vibe of a main character who starts out clueless but gradually gets stronger. His Minecraft arc with his master Ars is very entertaining. His content seems to be very fun. I would like to watch more videos about him... In particular, I’m curious about his Minecraft house.

This is very based on Minecraft videos. But somehow I also knew about his luck. Recently, I have been enjoying his kusoge streams, so I definitely agree that his content is very fun. He somehow makes stupid games look so fun (I absolutely won’t play them myself though).

Kenmochi Toya: The lolicon master! Though it appears he’s also okay with shotas. He’s often shipped with Gaku as Togabito. He loves lolis. He does some skits with himself (Touko, Marshmallows). He’s an entertaining guy to watch. He made a bet with an artist vtuber and got her to make a loli stream. He’s good at tetris.

So much loli in this description lol. The shota mention is from Aki. That last comment about tetris is absolutely just from the clip with Shigure Ui. I’ve been watching more Kenmochi lately - he is very entertaining to watch. He keeps my attention easily when I watch him.

Alice: She seems to have been around for a while. All I know about her is that she’s learning how to play the acoustic guitar, so Kuzuha declared her as a guitar rival.

Now I know her as the liver that’s more popular on Bilibili than Youtube.

Saegusa Akina: His dream is to go to Budokan. He’s a huge Kanae fan and hangs out with him off stream often. He’s a shotacon. He sings well. He’s paired with Aizono to make Benizuwaigani. Their first meeting was very teetee and they ate cake and exchanged gifts on Christmas eve. Very teetee. He apparently calls Shellin master in Minecraft. I’m curious about that.

I pretty much agree with this, but there should be more emphasis on how good he is at singing!

Yumeoi Kakeru: He’s ranked 1st among Nijisanji staff for best communication. He’s very well-spoken. In Forest streams with Kagami, he shows off his psychopath side by happily killing all manner of living beings. He enjoys teasing too. He also sings. I don’t know much else, but I enjoy watching him.

Again, why is the singing an afterthought? His identity is singer songwriter after all. I also need to mention his machine gun speech though.

Kazaki Morinaka: She’s a loli but can also transform into an adult form. That’s the extent of my knowledge.

This is true. I mostly know her personality from Morigusa collabs and I also like her singing now too!

Ibrahim: The oil prince. He’s a merchant type. He likes money. His place is Minecraft has elaborate architecture. He sometimes plays with Kanae and Kuzuha which is where I first saw him. He joined the Alpha Slayers in ARK after some water disputes. He’s a pretty interesting guy overall. He’s got text-to-speech for his superchats.

I really like Ibrahim now! He’s seriously a really nice person. He’s also somehow able to be really cute! I like how his streams are straightforward and interesting. I like how he interacts with his viewers too. He gives a close sort of feeling.

Melissa: I saw a video with her playing FPS with Kanae maybe? But I don’t remember much about her.

Whoa! How is there not a single mention of singing?? Also that was probably the clip with Kuzuha I was thinking of. But no singing???? Now, it’s pretty much all that I know her for. Her singing voice is actually amazing!

Fuwa: His character is a host. He can sing well. I’ve listened to his Call Boy? a bunch. I actually haven’t watched many of his videos, but would like to look into him more eventually.

I’ve gotten hooked on Fuwa! So I’ve definitely looked into him more! I still really like Call Boy. I absolutely loved his 3D though! I watched it so many times! And I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve listened to the 3D live song clips that he uploaded separately. His personality is so good! His expressiveness and energy! I also really like how hard he tries and how he always tries to do his best to make his viewers happy. He streams so much that I can’t keep up with him too well though. x_X

Ririmu: She has a very unique voice. Her character is a demon or devil maybe. Something supernatural. She has a pairing with Uzuki Kou. I don’t watch her though, so I don’t know much else. She has a unique voice.

She’s a succubus! I’ve watched a couple of streams with her. Not enough to get a good grasp of her character, but Pacific Ririmu was hilarious! I got to see a lot of different interactions there, but considering the rules of the stream, it isn’t exactly reflective of her true interactions with others.

Ritsuki: She’s a very elaborate builder in Minecraft though she started as a beginner. Her character is an alien, so she experimented on stuff. She likes to create things that will be used by everyone like the summer festival location. She’s a good girl. A bit shy. It was during her collab with Kuzuha that he first used the weather deck. I’d like to see more of her Minecraft creations.

I haven’t seen much of her Minecraft still!! Her museum is really impressive though.

Shellin: His character is a detective. He looks cool. He seems good with people. For some reason he was a protected person in ARK and he got kidnapped by the Alpha Slayers. Shellin can be really loud which contrasts with his soft voice. He talks to himself even when alone. He’s funny to watch, but I can’t find many videos with him.

Right now, I’m looking forward to whatever he’s planning for the 3D debut. The most I’ve seen him is from the Iiheya netto radio. Or does narration for Lever Gacha count? I like his interactions with Kaida! In general I like how excited he gets.

Mashiro: I don’t know much of him other than the fact he’s male but looks as cute as a girl. And he did some kind of RTA for some action game?

He’s cute for sure. And he’s also always doing something horror-related.

Kanda: He’s very cool. He’s hardworking and honest. Though he might be best known for GunKan, my first encounter with him was a subbed clip of him talking with Mayuzumi about how he wanted to be more popular with female audiences and his interest in voicing BL. I admire his drive to improve himself. He also has a background with being bullied, dropping out of school, experiencing a terrible work environment, until he finally went back to school and enjoyed it everyday. Going back to GunKan, their interactions are very fun and there’s always so much energy in their interactions. It’s fun to see his eyes. Also, he’s friends with Mayuzumi.

Kanda is really cool. His control over how he presents himself is really impressive and almost scary. I can’t forget how in his presentation about how to speak clearly he said that you should always know what you want to say before you speak.

Uzuki Kou: I haven’t watched many videos of him. He’s a bit strange. He’s got a pairing with Ririmu. Together they are apparently pretty twisted. Beyond that, I don’t know too much about him.

I still don’t know too much about him, but he’s apparently good at speaking. Also nabe rap.

Shiba: The dog. That’s all I know.

The cute dog. Also has IRL stuff going on.

Aizono Manami: The other half of Benizuwaigani! She’s a maid. She’s really nice. She can put up well with others. She gives a big sister kind of feeling. I actually don’t know that much about her individually since most of what I see of her is in context with Akina.

I’ve seen her a bit since, but I can’t think of much else to add.

Fumi: I know her name and face. I feel like I should respect her for some reason, but I don’t remember. She is part of Sanbaka alongside Hoshikawa and someone else. She gets along well with Kanda. I don’t know much about her.

That last sentence there really couldn’t be more right! Sanbaka??? Neither of them have anything to do with that! I clearly somehow got it mixed up with Orihimeboshi somehow. What a mysterious entry... Now I know a bit about her from Fukeizai.

Nagao Kei: He’s loud and chaotic, but he’s also surprisingly smart. His loud voice is also good at singing. Actually, his streams are apparently very loud too. His voice is a bit nasally and it also sounds like Ibrahim’s voice. He’s very childish when he’s with VALZ, but with his senpai he’s more serious. He memorized the Keep talking and don’t explode manual. I want to watch that one. I also want to listen to his covers. I’d like to know more and more about Nagao Kei!

Nagao = sontaku. I have listened to his covers since and I’m interested in how far he’s going to take his lore. He comes up with a lot of unique stream ideas.

Gwelu Os Gar: A married man! He’s got a statue in Minecraft and Ark. He’s a fun guy in the collabs I’ve seen, but I don’t know much about him.

He’s somehow always involved in some interesting plan. Right now, I’m rooting for his 10-year-old PC. Endurance stream to 1M let’s go!

Suzuki Masaru: He’s a shota. He was once in a collab with Utako and Akina... that was interesting. He once came across Kanae’s slave ranch in Minecraft. Kanae was scary. Recently, I found out that Masaru has something to do with Kai Mayuzumi’s lore.

The shota that’s good at ASMR... that sort of introduction from the gasbag race is now imprinted in my mind. On the side, I also think of him as a member of Raindrops. I don’t think I’ve actually watched any of his streams (ASMR aside...).

Kasumi: She’s graduating. She’s involved with Mayuzumi’s lore.

She graduated right as I got started watching Nijisanji. I think I did see her very last stream back then.

Kaida Haru: He’s finally here! I’ve been very slowly adding to this, so it’s already be 1 month - almost - that I’ve been watching vtubers. Just about three weeks now. Kaida Haru is the one I decided to support. He has a good face and voice.

What about Kaida do I like? First of all I need to talk about his face and voice. He’s also good at guitar and singing and his taste in music is pretty similar to mine, so I know a lot of the songs he sings. His voice can be very loud and he plays with his voice a lot to make sounds. He’s bullied by a lot of people, but that’s just their way of getting along with each other. It shows how loved he is. He’s overall a really nice guy and he’s quite considerate. He can be serious too. Also, he apparently gets flamed easily.

One thing that makes me realize the passage of one year is the position of Kaida in this list. This list was ordered by the number of subscribers. Last year this time he didn’t even have 100k and now he’s got over 300k! It’s nice to continue supporting him for the past year, and I’m a happy fan. He does a lot.

Fushimi Gaku: He is friends with Kenmochi Touya and together they make Togabito. Some people ship them but they don’t especially like that. I don’t know too much about Gaku though.

Peace! I checked out OhaGaku once or twice and his Togabito stuff a bit. He feels like a nice senpai. Although I don’t really watch him, whenever I come across him (like in totsumachi) he always seems like a cool guy.

Aki Suzuya: I don’t know her

*him. Apart from Kenmochi’s obsession with him, I still don’t know him. I really, really like his cover of flos with Kenmochi though.

Kitakouji Hisui: She’s extroverted - very able to talk. I don’t know much of her. My image of her is from dogeza for breaking the lantern tree of Kaida.

She has a really cool adult form/outfit!! She also sings well. I think she’s interesting but I admit I haven’t seen much from her in the past several months.

Genzuki: This genius! He can sing, compose music, mix music, edit video, play games. He’s so powerful! Multiple instruments! Genius! He’s good at talking! Entertaining. I’m curious about the lore too. He also has a scary story about his memory. But I really like him. He’s got a very vocaloid-based library of music so very nostalgic! <3

I still admire his music so much! I’ve listened to all of his piano streams and they are very inspiring. His music stream lengths can go for a scary long time. Just listening to him talk is interesting especially when he talks about music.

Natsume: She seems nice. A good person. I know her most for the lantern tree story. She’s very cute. She just got a new outfit today.

I haven’t learned much else about her.

Kyoko Todoroki: I saw her in the singing relay. She seems nice, though I don’t know much about her.

Thanks to NijiFes, now I know she has a really good sense of fashion. And she can draw well. I haven’t seen much else of her though.

Gilzaren: I don’t know much about him, but his voice doesn’t match his model. He can also sing. I’ve listened to his songs.

I’ve managed to watch him live! It feels like an accomplishment. I’ve also spotted him in comment sections. It’s like seeing a unicorn.

Harusaki Air: The prince. He doesn’t stream much, probably because of his RL job.

I like watching him for casual streams. Since I know he has a day job, there’s a bit of a feeling of “casually playing games after work” that I like to imagine.

Naruse Naru: He does the voice drama club.

And he’s super good at Mario Kart! He’s also really cute and has a good voice. He’s been getting more popular! I still need to listen to some of the voice drama club - I’ve only listened to a couple.

Of course, there were a bunch of livers that I couldn’t name. Some are understandable, and others I wonder how I could have missed them.

Era Otogibara

Lulu Suzuhara

Kaede Higuchi

Roa

Toko Inui

Rin Shizuka

Mikoto Rindou

Rion Takamiya

Sister Claire

Kana Sukoya

Keisuke Maimoto

Rena Yorumi

Nui Sorciere

Meiji Warabeda

Machita Chima

Tamaki Fumino

Kokoro Amamiya

Furen E. Lustario

Petit Ratna

Fuyuki Hakase

Eru

Uiha Aiba

Tomoe Shirayuki

Levi Elipha

Ema August

Riri Yuuhi

Ichigo

Mugi Ienaga

Marin Hayama

Sou Hayase

Sayo Amemori

Eli Conifer

Youko Akabane

Mao Matsukai

Luis Camie

Moira

Naraka

Mahiro Yukishiro

Haruka Onomachi

Hoshizora Kirame

Yamagami Karuta

Miyako Seto

Hina

Momo Azuchi

Sango Suo

Rine Yaguruma

Kohaku

Akane Asahina

Tsumugu Kataribe

So here are my current day thoughts (very quickly written):

Era Otogibara: Graduated.

Lulu Suzuhara: Graduated.

Kaede Higuchi: Deron. She’s very rough. I mostly know her singing and the part that leaves an impression is the screaming. Also she did an anime OP.

Roa: I have only ever seen her through clips... Will she return?

Toko Inui: Super nice voice! She can sing live incredibly well!

Rin Shizuka: I get the impression she streams alone often? She does stream on twitch.

Mikoto Rindou: She is good at singing, she has a good voice (narration and speaking), she is athletic enough to dance and do a cartwheel, and she is cute. Even though I think all of this, I still haven’t really watched her, haha...

Rion Takamiya: Ojou. She’s pretty fun with Debi. I also like when she played around with Fuwa’s radio.

Sister Claire: Dogma is good. She has a very angelic voice. Our seiso representative in Nijisanji.

Kana Sukoya: Crazy smart. And how is she able to do everything she does??? Just doing nursing alone should be crazy, but to stream and sing and voice act too?? It’s only understandable that she decided to take a break to focus on her studies even though with the rate she releases content it doesn’t really feel like a break.

Keisuke Maimoto: He has some pretty intense stories (from watching clips). It feels like he’s someone with a lot of life experience.

Rena Yorumi: Magician! I like her! She’s got fun interactions in Minecraft and ARK. SMC is cute too.

Nui Sorciere: I don’t really watch her, but she plays RPGs a lot is the impression I have. Sorry, but I can’t help but think of “haitenakunaidesuka??”.

Meiji Warabeda: I know her best as a member of Raindrops. I don’t know much of her other activities as a liver.

Machita Chima: Freesia! No, but she has a really wonderful voice and a very cute design. I’ll tune into her utawaku occasionally.

Tamaki Fumino: Noraneko. At first, I would question the veracity of claims of her happenings, but now I’ve come to accept them.

Kokoro Amamiya: Dragon Girl. She’s cute and I like how she interacts with Kaida in contrast to that cuteness, haha.

Furen E. Lustario: Her design is very cool. She is really excitable which is fun to watch.

Petit Ratna: She does ASMR... I don’t watch her much, but my earliest impression is probably from when she invited Kuzuha in ARK.

Fuyuki Hakase: She can sing well. I really like her Gunjou. I don’t watch her actively, but I have had her minecraft streams play in the background before.

Eru: I am not going to even try her full name. I know her as a member of Raindrops. I’m sure there’s more to her, but I really haven’t watched much of her... I feel like I remember something APEX though... (You can say that about almost any Nijisanji liver though).

Uiha Aiba: Will she come back to streaming? What happened with the lore?? But her 3D debut was amazing and her constant singing and dancing covers are very impressive. They come out at such a pace that I haven’t been able to keep up so there are a bunch I haven’t seen.

Tomoe Shirayuki: She’s beautiful. All her MVs have really good art. Partly due to her 3D debut, I can’t help but think of her as an S...

Levi Elipha: She has a really powerful voice! And yet the gap with her normal speaking voice is so cute! The way she acts is also cute.

Ema August: She drinks a lot... for some reason that’s what I think of her. She has an adult form too.

Riri Yuuhi: She’s really cool. If you asked me for who the cool girl of 2434 is, it’s Riri.

Ichigo: I don’t know much about her. She doesn’t seem to be too active?

Mugi Ienaga: I don’t know much about her either. I’ve listened to some of her songs, but her part in Unknown Mother Goose is the one that I really remember.

Marin Hayama: Her mouth is always open in my mind. I wonder why? But I don’t know much about her. In the song werewolf I remember she had pretty dark lyrics.

Sou Hayase: She’s got a really cool singing voice! Apart from her singing, I probably see her the most in B-grade Variety.

Sayo Amemori: Another one who doesn’t stream much. I caught one of her streams live and I didn’t know what she was talking about. The quality of the video was really low though. Apparently that’s normal for her though, so I feel like I got the authentic experience.

Eli Conifer: She can play the flute. She went all out in the Koshien Siren tournament. She seems to do the thing where she duplicates herself to sing very well. Her voice is very cute.

Youko Akabane: I know her most for KanaeYou, but she seems like a nice person. Apart from those interactions, I see her sometimes in ARK clips.

Mao Matsukai: Very energetic! Her 3D debut showed off a lot of different appeal points. Her chat seems to like to bully her.

Luis Camie: A phantom thief?? She plays off well with Shellin. It’s fun to see their interactions, though I’ve only seen a couple. She has a bit of an airheaded kind of entertaining appeal.

Moira: The goddess. I don’t know much about her. She does seem nice and able to talk well. It looks like she gets along with her generation.

Naraka: Apparently her voice sounds like Maaya Sakamoto? I remember her singing is nice. She took part in VSaikyou I believe, but I don’t really watch her.

Mahiro Yukishiro: I recall she isn’t that popular, but I have heard some of her singing. I feel like I don’t see her stream that often?

Haruka Onomachi: She tries hard to appeal to English speakers. She also does ASMR. I don’t really watch her, but her on screen translator is interesting.

Hoshizora Kirame: I believe she’s good at drawing. I still don’t know much about her though.

Yamagami Karuta: A tengu! She has the image of being very pure though. I also don’t really watch her so I can’t say too much.

Miyako Seto: Photography club. She’s a fan of Kuzuha... but I don’t really watch her so I can’t say much.

Hina: She writes scripts. I don’t think she streams much at all anymore.

Momo Azuchi: She had a redesign at one point. I haven’t watched her.

Sango Suo: Absolutely amazing acting ability. I’ve seen a few examples where she acts with others and it’s very impressive. I haven’t seen her solo streams though.

Rine Yaguruma: I don’t know much about her.

Kohaku: Mela! is a banger. Unfortunately I don’t know much about her aside from that.

Akane Asahina: She’s been releasing a lot of high quality covers in high frequency and she makes a lot of effort to reach out to western fans. I’m not watching her, but I’m rooting for her success.

Tsumugu Kataribe: Library ghost. Will she ever stream again? (Have never seen her before).

[cupofteaguk]

like i did with you

summary: to Jeon Jungkook, Halloween is special for one reason and one reason only. Too bad he can’t seem to figure out why.

pairing: jungkook x fem!reader

genre: halloween au, friends to lovers au, college au | fluff 

warnings: jungkook is in love, jealousy, costume references to: shingeki no kyojin, spirited away, haikyuu, howl’s moving castle, & your name 

word count: 6k

.

They always say that in life, the best things come in pairs. Yin and yang, salt and pepper, chicken nuggets and french fries, peanut butter and jelly, Mickey and Minnie mouse…

You and Jungkook.

Well, at least, according to him anyways. It’s natural to feel that way about anyone, especially when that aforementioned individual comes bulldozing into his life with a wide array of similar personality traits, similar jokes, similar interests and sense of humor. To Jungkook, meeting you is like walking into a house he’s been into before, in which all the keys to unlock all the doors have been previously engraved into his mind. Given that the connection between the two of you has been unmistakeable from the start, it only makes sense for everyone to give you that best friend, comes-as-a-pair type of label.

As best friends, you did everything together. Like go on that beach camping trip together with your brother’s boy scout troop, because you needed a plus one to share the tent with. Or watching old Pokemon movies together at the Jeon household, because you were feeling nostalgic. Or inviting Jungkook to that family barbecue during the summer, because your mom was making hot dogs and insisted that you have a friend over. Or—!

“Hey.” Jungkook, age fifteen, breaks the silence with his interjection, angling his chin just enough in your direction to start the conversation and yet still keeping his eyes on the laptop opened in front of him. “The school is hosting a costume contest. For pairs.”

You raise an eyebrow, shrug a shoulder, the news not enough to drag you away from your Algebra 2 homework. “We should do it,” You propose mindlessly, flipping the page in your worksheet.

And Jungkook, similar style, similar sense of humor, similar competitive nature, smirks. “To win, right?”

You finally turn to look at him, the corner of your own lips and daring glint in your eyes. “Obviously.”

And that singular word adds another aspect to the traditional dynamic that is you and Jungkook. On top of weekly coffee meet-ups, a free ride to school, a partner to rely on in both the school and out-of-school environment, and someone to text in regards to any and all things anime or film based—dressing up for Halloween together takes the top of the list.

At fifteen, you dawn the green cloaks in representation to the Recon Corps from Shingeki No Kyojin.

At sixteen, you get red robes and Jungkook gets a mixture of blue for Chihiro and Haku respectfully from Spirited Away.

At seventeen, you spike the hair and slip on the volleyball jerseys for Haikyuu!! and actually win first place for that.

At eighteen, you cut your hair and dye it gray while Jungkook slides on a multicolored, oversized jacket and jade pendant to mirror Howl’s Moving Castle.

It becomes such a traditional thing that everyone in your friend group now knows to connect you and Jungkook to the holiday. And for Jungkook, you are just as constant in his life as Halloween is to the calendar.

However, at nineteen, three months before Halloween, you run up to his front door and greet him with the unforgettable statement that threatens to shatter the norm and the peaceful reassurance he had built the last five years of holidays on.

“I meet someone.”

.

Jungkook is nineteen years old and he is happy for you. He sees the excited curl in your lips, the glimmer in your eyes, a few different features that he has never seen on you before although he cannot help but think about how odd it is to see a display of previously unforeseen expressions over something as simple as a meeting and a conversation and a hope.

You talk briefly about the mysterious boy. Park Jimin, a year above your own, a partner of yours at the volunteer organization you’ve donated your time to at the university during the summer. This Park Jimin is shy, charming, bold, with a smile of gold and eyes of half crescent moons. By the time you’re done talking about him, Jeon Jungkook is not sure he’s the one with the crush or you are.

Instead, he clears his throat. “He does sound promising,” He manages, but the words feel… bitter on the tip of his tongue. He thinks this is probably because you and Jungkook have never encountered this kind of situation before -- in which one of you garnered a relatively public crush on someone outside of the pairing. There isn’t exactly a handbook for dummies about what to say. But Jungkook does have other friends, and those other friends have had crushes before. So he proceeds through that perspective.

“I hope so,” You return, turning your hand over and playing with the coral of your nail polish. “Our first coffee date went well and he asked to see me again.” You press your lips together to hide the depth of your smile. “I don’t really know how the whole courting stuff is supposed to go… I don’t even know if he’s expecting the same thing I am…”

Jungkook shrugs, averting his gaze from your excited bubbliness. He’s not use to someone else making you look like this. “Well,” He starts. “He’d be stupid to not want the same thing you want. You’re pretty okay most of the time.”

You snort. “Thanks.”

Now, Jungkook likes to think he knows what he’s doing most of the time -- but the sensation of having you glued to your cell phone every time it buzzes with a notification, the headache at having to hear about Park Jimin and only Park Jimin for about ninety percent of your shared conversations -- is strange and unfamiliar. It’s not like Jungkook was always the only thing ever going on in your life, but it feels weird to balance the time once spent watching anime or going to the beach with talk of someone new.

.

Jungkook is nineteen years old and he’s currently banging his head against the coffee table, the noise resonating throughout the empty shop as employee and good friend Kim Taehyung stands behind the counter while wiping down the machines. It’s thirty minutes to closing, so the roles should probably be reversed in the sense that Kim Taehyung should probably be expressing some exasperation at the fact that he cannot close the way he was trained to do with a customer still lingering about within the hazy depths of the shop, but he looks rather pitiful upon the boy in the corner booth.

“She really canceled on you again, didn’t she?”

“Only for the fourth fucking time this month,” Jungkook grits, tossing his phone carelessly upon the table as he leans forward and runs a hand through his already messy hair. “I can’t believe she would pull this shit on me again.”

Yes. Again. Fourth fucking time this month. Four times have you sent Jungkook a text with a whole set of varying words depending on the day and time, but they all fall within the same sort of category -- previously normalized study sessions or Friday night hangouts taken down in favor of going to the beach with Park Jimin or watching a movie with Park Jimin or lying across a hill with Park Jimin and honest to god, if Jeon Jungkook has to hear that name one more time, he thinks he might throw a fit.

“Wait,” Taehyung interjects, moving around the counter to start wiping down the tables. “You guys never made these plans official right? They’re sort of unspoken traditions between the two of you, aren’t they?”

“Well, yeah,” Jungkook affirms with the slight nod of his head. “But these are things we have been doing since the start of our freshman year.” He sighs, taking in a deep breath. “I don’t know. I know that she’s dating and she’s in this relationship that is clearly very important to her and I want to be happy for her.” He buries his face into his hands. “I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, to be entirely honest with you. Like I want to be excited that she’s dating but every time she mentions him I get this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I never get like this when my other friends cancel plans, but when she does it makes me feel like I want to throw a fit. Or trip stupid Park Jimin. Or maybe both.”

Jungkook doesn’t notice the action of Taehyung the longer the ranting of the former goes on, the way Taehyung suddenly stops wiping down the tables in order to give the kind of look that really does imply exasperation and a very are-you-serious sort of complex.

It isn’t until Jungkook stops talking that Taehyung’s glare turns into a physical manifestation of words. “You’re a fucking idiot.”

Jungkook flickers his gaze up, his own eyebrows morphed into one of confusion. “Huh?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen. “I said, you’re a fucking—!”

“I know what you said!” Jungkook snaps, leaning back in his chair. “When I said huh, that was meant as an opportunity for you to explain why you said that instead of literally repeating the same thing over and over again—!”

“If you don’t know why I’m calling you an idiot,” Taehyung explains, placing his hands on his hips. “Then maybe I shouldn’t tell you anything at all.”

“What are you trying to say?” Jungkook inquires, eyes following his friend as Taehyung moves onto the next table. “Are you trying to imply that my feelings are different when I’m around her?”

Taehyung shrugs. “Your words, not mine.”

Jungkook scoffs. “That’s ridiculous. I mean, obviously they’re different in the sense that she’s one of my best friends and she’s been in my life for so long—this whole Park Jimin situation is just a change I’m gonna have to deal with. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Taehyung nods, albeit a little slowly as if he’s a little disappointed with Jungkook’s findings. “Sure, Jungkook. It’s just a life adjustment. Like you said, nothing more, nothing less.”

Jungkook nods, although the frantic beating of his heart at the thought of this, the thought of you and Park Jimin, being a permanent life adjustment, suddenly makes everything seem like a pill that’s entirely too difficult to swallow.

.

Jungkook is nineteen years old when he realizes that it’s definitely not nothing more, nothing less. It is so far beyond the original computation of nothing more, nothing less, because the feelings get worse.

“Do you want to watch a movie tonight? I have the whole apartment to myself and could use the company.”

“Oh sorry Jungkook! Jimin and I are watching that new Disney movie tonight!”

And worse.

“What about getting some brisket?”

“Jimin and I are about to grab lunch, I’ll have to call you back.”

And even more worse.

He blinks, and you are standing at the front door of his apartment, entirely present but looking too far away for him to reach towards. That feeling in his heart is back, louder and much too bothersome and he wishes for nothing more in the current moment than to reach into his throat and grab the pounding thing as if to relieve himself from the sudden anxiety he feels. You’re here, and you haven’t been here in weeks and he doesn’t even know if he has the room to be happy.

“H-Hey,” He says, staring at you for one, two, three more seconds before opening the door wider and allowing you to entire. Taehyung is in the background, typing something on his laptop, but his eyes flint towards the pair of you and he raises an eyebrow. “What are you doing here?”

You whirl around, and he cannot stop himself from taking you in. Weeks have felt like painful years, and he hasn’t even realized how much he missed you until your smile and it’s like the sun is shining out of your ass. “I needed to talk to you about something,” You say, turning back around and heading towards the couch. You slide the bag off your shoulder and plop yourself down on the couch.

Jungkook takes a hesitant step forward. “What’s going on?”

“It’s about Halloween this year,” You say, readjusting the jacket on your shoulders. “I know that you and I enter the contests every year but… ah, I think Jimin and I are going to be doing something this year. We have some ideas about what to dress up as, but I wasn’t sure if I should go through with him since Halloween is something I always do with you.”

If someone had descended from the ceiling of the apartment this morning and told Jungkook that you, on top of ditching every tradition the pair of you have started, would also abandon him on your biggest tradition yet—he would have laughed. He would have laughed and insisted that no, you would never do that. Sure, Park Jimin is your first relationship and is henceforth special for you, but shouldn’t be that special that you felt inclined to abandon Jungkook in nearly every aspect of life.

He feels betrayed, he feels hurt, but he feels angry and disappointed and possessive and a whole onslaught of differing emotions that threaten to just swallow him whole that his body simply resorts to doing absolutely nothing.

“J-Jungkook?” You attempt, leaning over slightly and it takes a whole lot of willpower not to flinch away from you. He feels sick. He feels like he might throw up.

He had never really put too much thought of what a Halloween without you would feel like. He had just assumed that Halloween would always mean you, would always mean getting to further connect with you on something as silly and amusing yet fun and exciting as dressing up in costumes. But he also should have seen an end, because you’re friends. That is the fact. That is the nothing more, nothing less aspect. Friends shouldn’t participate in couple contests, couples should participate in couple contests. And you aren’t dating Jungkook—you never were. Why does that fact bring such a sickening bile to his stomach?

“I’m here,” He speaks after a moment. He, however, does not look at you and resorts to biting his thumb. “Y-You should dress up with Jimin,” He says quietly. “He’s the one you’re dating, it only seems more appropriate.”

You look at him, study him a little deeper. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah…” He manages, but his voice is a little shaky, a little unstable, a little uncertain. “Besides.” He laughs, but it sounds hollow and too far away from being genuine that he just coughs. “I didn’t really have any ideas for this year. You’ll probably have more fun with him.”

You stare at him for one, two, three more seconds. You press your lips together, curling it into a smile as you reach forward and gently take Jungkook’s hand in your own. The touch is so familiar and yet so foreign—if the spike in his heart at the physical contact is anything to go. “Thank you Jungkook. I really owe you one for being so understanding.”

Despite the inner turmoil of hurt and betrayal that has officially settled in his heart, he cannot help but deliver you with a small smile. “Yeah, anytime.”

Your smile grows just enough. You pat his hand. “I promise, we’ll do something this weekend.”

His eyes follow you as you stand up. “Yah, I’m really holding you to that.”

“I promise!” You exclaim, shouldering your bag as you make your way to the door, the smile in your voice making Jungkook’s own lips quirk just a little higher. How could you make him feel these things, yet still leave him wanting nothing more than to keep you by his side no matter what kind of lies he had to tell to save himself from a fight or confrontation of those feelings? What did it all mean? “Sorry, I promised Jimin I’d meet him at the coffee shop. I’ll see you around.”

He stands up as well, placing his hands into his pocket. “Yeah.” He locks the door as you shut it. With you gone, it leaves him in a momentary state of nothingness as he simply stands there, trying to figure out what just happened and how he could have let this happen. And why he was a few degrees south of being okay.

“You know,” A voice sounds from behind him and Jungkook suddenly remembers that Taehyung is here and has been here even before you walked into the apartment. “I think there’s a word for guys like you.”

Jungkook turns on the heels of his feet, glaring at Taehyung again. “Oh, so you’re finally gonna tell me what’s going on in that mind of yours about my condition?”

Taehyung closes his laptop and leans back in his kitchen seat, looking over at the younger boy. “I can’t believe you would let her walk over you like that, yet you still trail after her just because she smiles and promises you a weekend of coffee.”

“I… I didn’t do that,” Jungkook protests weakly, but it’s pointless because Taehyung saw everything.

Taehyung scoffs. “Okay then.”

“I think that I’m a little… upset,” Jungkook starts, crossing his arms across his chest. “But it’s nothing serious…” He trails off, but the more he thinks about his behavior, the more he starts to recognize the slight flaws in what gestures he was displaying to you. It’s the emotions of a perfectly sane, perfectly capable best friend to be a little insulted over being replaced. It’s perfectly normal to think that you and him would always be together, and not at all a behavior that could be classified as being—!

“Whipped,” Taehyung finally fills in. “You’re not just a little upset—it’s something else entirely. It’s this little emotion you might be familiar with.”

Jungkook gapes slightly at the label. “Whipped?” He echoes, and the denial is immediately evident in the form of his disbelieving take on laughter. “Oh no, I’m not whipped. What do you mean I should be familiar with that word? Since when?”

Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Since four years ago.”

“Four years?” Jungkook returns, then his frown deepens. “Why so specific on the timing?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Taehyung starts sarcastically, throwing his hands up as he pushes himself away from the table. “Maybe because that’s how long you’ve been in love with her? And the fact that she’s throwing aside the friendship she has with you for a relationship is completely throwing you off your grid that has her fucking face in the center of it!”

Jungkook pales at the accusation. “I’m not… in love with her…” He protests.

Taehyung raises an eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“I… really…” He starts, pressing his lips together. “I’m not in love with her. She’s just… she’s just my best friend.”

“Your best friend who you want to be with all the time,” Taehyung fills in, leaning against the counter.

“It’s not like that,” Jungkook retorts, gnawing at his lower lip. “I don’t need to be with her all the time,” He continues. “I just… sure, I mean, I like getting those good morning and good evening and in between texts from her, I like how thoughtful and careful she is but how everything she does is done with a touch of consideration and kindness, I like her smile and her playful banters and disposition, I like how her eyes crinkle in the corners when she’s laughing, or when her nose gathers up when I tell a stupid joke or when she’s trying to hold in her laughter. I like how she is and how I am when I’m with her but that doesn’t mean that…” He trails off.

Taehyung raises an eyebrow. “Doesn’t mean that…?” He supplies unhelpfully.

“I…” Jungkook starts, trailing off, giving Taehyung a long and hard stare from across the distance. “Is that what love is?”

Taehyung levels his stare. “It’s something that each individual feels for themselves, but yeah, I would consider that love.”

Jungkook is quiet for a moment, staring from Taehyung to the ground below him, because oh my god, he’s in love with you. The realization is scary, of course, but something about the thought also feels real and right. But now that everything is out in the open and he acknowledges his feelings, there is a problem because he does not know what to do with this information. You are dating, you have a boyfriend, and you are happy with some other guy that is not him.

“Well, fuck,” He says, and that feels as if it just about covers the wide range of his current emotional spectrum.

.

Jungkook is nineteen years old and he is a major prick of jealousy and unresolved emotions all bottled up into a singular 5’10 human being, but for someone who has never had to deal with this before and for someone who is normally terrible at keeping things bottled up—this is a terrible predicament. And Jungkook makes it even more terrible by allowing himself to knock on the front door of your apartment, and let himself into your living room when you open the door.

“And Jimin was so sweet, he came by the restaurant and dropped off some boba for me,” You exclaim, the bowl of popcorn in your arms as you plop yourself down on the couch. You grab one and pop it into your mouth. “There’s so much give and take when it comes to a relationship, I didn’t even realize it. I thought that I would have so much trouble trying to figure that shit out, but Jimin really likes the things I do even when I worry that I’m not doing a good job. He really appreciates it when I come by the dance studio, even though I worry that that’s not enough for him. It’s so weird and—Jungkook, are you okay?”

Jungkook doesn’t he realize he had been gripping the shared blanket nestled between the two of you until he looks down and sees his knuckles practically turning white. It hadn’t been intentional.

“U-Uh, yeah, I’m okay,” He stammers, letting go of the blanket and wondering if it would be a smart move to just duck for the front door and never face you again. As madly in love with you as he realizes he is, this might be the best thing for his sanity and his heart.

“Are you sure?” You inquire back, tilting your head. “You’ve honestly been weird ever since I started spending more time with Jimin.”

“I mean,” Jungkook starts. “You had been neglecting our friendship—but, I guess I understand the whole concept of having a crush and being in that stage where you only want to spend time with that person… you’re here now and you invited me over, so that has to mean things are normalizing between the two of you and that you’re getting comfortable…” He realizes that he might be ranting, so he clasps his mouth shut.

You look down. “Yeah, I’m sorry about bailing on you so often. I guess now that my head isn’t completely dominated by that whole honeymoon stage with Jimin, I’m realizing that I was sort of a dick to you. That’s one of the reasons I invited you here, actually. To apologize for being a jerk. You’re my best friend, and I totally let you down these past few months…”

You trail off, the words ‘best friend’ echoing over and over again in Jungkook’s mind like a song that never ends. A few weeks ago, he might have been okay with simply just being a best friend but now, that’s not good enough for him. He wants to be the one you turn other people down for, he wants to be the only one your pretty little mind thinks about no matter what time it is or no matter what is going on. Suddenly, ‘best friend’ isn’t good enough.

“Actually,” Jungkook interrupts, sitting up a little straighter, resting his arms on his knees and lacing his fingers together. “I came here to tell you something too.”

You join him. “What is it?”

He thinks about this, but he shakes his head. “Wait, no, I can’t say anything to you. It’s stupid, and you’ll probably laugh at me…”

You raise an eyebrow as he stands up. “Jungkook, what are you saying? Of course I would never laugh at you. Nothing you have to say is stupid, okay? I’m your friend, I’ll probably understand whatever it is you have to say…”

“See, that’s the thing,” Jungkook cuts in, shrugging on his jacket and running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to just your friend anymore.”

“Jungkook…”

But he’s already on a roll, the words he previously rehearsed becoming jumbled messes inside his head. “Look, I don’t know how to say it so I’m just gonna it right now.” He takes in a breath, failing to notice the almost comical wide-eyed stare you’re feeding him with. “I’m in love with you, okay? And I’ve been in love with you for the past four years but I’m a dumbass and didn’t even realize I was in love with you until recently. And I know that’s not fair for you to have this information but if I have to hear one more story about Park Jimin, then I think I might lose my entire mind. And it’s not because I don’t want you to be happy, I just don’t want you to be happy with him—I want you to be happy with me. And I know I could make you happy. I thought we had fun together, especially during those Halloween costume contests, since those were honestly my favorite thing to do with you during the year and then you had to go and take that away from me.” He laughs humorlessly, running a hand through his hair. “And the worst part? The worst part is that I really did have a costume idea I wanted to share with you. I wanted to dress up as those stupid Your Name characters with you! I didn’t realize how important that film is to me until I rewatched the goddamn movie and realized that the characters heard a bell to signify that they were soulmates, and it made me realize with an even more fiery passion that I wanted to dress up as the characters with you so I could pretend I hear bells with you when I’m sure that I did, and that I always have. And you’re not even in my life that often anymore, and it sucks, and you were so happy with Jimin and so happy at the thought of him that of course I could never say anything to jeopardize my friendship with you. Because I want to be friends with you. But I also want to be more. Because I’m in love with you.” He forces his mouth shut, pressing his lips, realizing that maybe he has said too much. “I should go.”

He’s barely slamming the front door of your apartment shut when he hears, “N-No, Jungkook wait!” from the other side. But it’s too late. The damage is done. Well fuck, indeed.

.

Jungkook is nineteen years old, it’s Halloween, and he’s suffering from the horrible condition of having his heart broken from someone who never agreed to hold it in the first place. He didn’t even need to hear the words of rejection from your lips, for he doesn’t think he could handle the desperation of trying to fix the friendship, the desperation of trying to get you back when he’s sure you’ve moved halfway across the world right now.

“You didn’t even hear what she had to say,” Taehyung argues, but his voice is soft as if he’s treating something like fragile glass. And although Jeon Jungkook is far from fragile glass, the way he is currently wrapped up a little too tightly and too deeply in his blanket says a little too much about his current depression.

“I didn’t need to,” Jungkook argues back, voice slightly muffled from the blanket covering his mouth. “She’s already with Jimin. Why would she want to be with me? If anything, I probably freaked her out by saying all those stupid things.”

Taehyung sighs, pocketing his phone. “Look, Jungkook, I just think you moved too hastily—!”

He’s interrupted by a knocking on the door. The boy makes a slightly surprised noise in the back of his throat, but moves regardless to answer the call. The door opens, there is a quiet murmur that envelops the room, something that Jungkook pays little to no attention towards. He just burrows into the blankets and desires nothing more than the ground to swallow him up whole.

Footsteps come back into the living and Jungkook sighs. “Hyung, I don’t really want another lecture about this whole situation…”

“Hey you,” A soft voice speaks instead, cutting through his own tired facade and making his heart stop short because that voice. “Haven’t we met before?”

No fucking way. No fucking way at all. Your voice is definitely some fragment of his broken imagination. Even though he just saw you yesterday, he’s probably missing you too much. Besides, it’s Halloween. You’re supposed to be with Jimin.

Still, he finds himself turning his head towards the source of the noise. And he almost forgets how to breathe.

You stand a few feet away from him, hair in a ponytail, bright red bow across your neck, flowy skirt around your waist, and holy fuck. You’re wearing a costume. You’re wearing a Mitsuha costume. And you’re quoting Your Name at him.

His brain short circuits, his doe-eyes turning wider at the sight. This is definitely a dream. Definitely his imagination. What the fuck. There’s no fucking way.

You tuck your arms behind your back, smiling down at his defeated figure on the couch, but the smile is small and unsure and timid and so beautiful and golly god he is in love with you.

So naturally, Jungkook says the only thing he is truly capable of saying in this moment. “What are you doing here?”

You’re still smiling, but you keep your distance. “Well, I was hoping there was still a Taki I could pair up with. This costume is a little lonely on its own.”

“Huh?”

You sigh, tugging at your red bow. “Jungkook, I wanted to talk to you. About what to said to me yesterday.”

“Oh.” He swallows, not sure if he’s ready to talk about it. You’re probably just here to reject him and say you can’t be friends with him anymore. “Where’s your boyfriend?”

You look down. “I’m not sure. Probably getting drunk at one of the frats house parties. Not that it matters to me anymore.”

“Why doesn’t it matter?”

“Well, you see, Jimin isn’t my boyfriend. We’re not dating. We never were.”

He frowns. “Huh?”

You take in a breath, and take a step closer. Jungkook doesn’t back away, doesn’t shrink back in the couch. “Jungkook, I’m an idiot. I’m an idiot for a few reasons, but I think most of all, I’m an idiot for thinking you never once felt the same way I have.”

He almost wants to scoff automatically at your words, but something makes him stop short. Felt the same way you have? He looks at you, seeing you and hearing you but not really understanding you. “Again, huh?”

You exhale. “You know,” You start, taking a seat on the coffee table. “For someone who has liked you for four years, you would think I could come up with a better way of telling you my feelings.”

“Y-Your feelings?” He echoes. He hadn’t been expecting you at all tonight, so he had little time to prepare for such an interaction. “You’re in love with me too?”

You shrug a shoulder, moving a little closer so that your knees can touch. “That’s the idea, yeah.”

“B-But…” He scrambles to make sense of his thoughts. He wants to look at you, but he cannot seem to find the will to look at you and talk to you at the same time. “But you never said anything… and you started dating Jimin… and you seemed so happy… I thought…” His eyes find yours, and although feelings have definitely be shared, there is still a heavy amount of uncertainty in both of your stares. “You’ve been ignoring me for months. I thought you didn’t care anymore.”

“Jungkook…” You interrupt, reaching forward to grab his wrist. The usage of physical touch as a means of comfort makes him realize just how much he’s missed this kind of contact with you—even if the previous times you’ve touched him have been quick and friendly. He relishes in it though, clenching his jaw, trying not to do something too stupid too quickly. “You’re my best friend, I could never not care about you.”

“But…” He tries again. “Jimin… you guys were dating…”

“That was actually my idea,” Kim Taehyung interrupts, raising his fingers up just enough to drag both of your attention away from the other. He steps forward into the moment. “I’ve known about her feelings for years now, and I had a feeling you felt the same way too.” He looks at Jungkook while he says this. “But I wasn’t too sure, so that’s why I set Jimin up with her to see how you would react. You took such a long time to finally show any type of emotional response, I had been worried for a second that nothing would work out. But then she texted me saying that you completely lost your fucking mind on her, so I told her to come over.”

You smile a little. “I had little intention of throwing Taehyung under the bus… but—!”

Jungkook doesn’t know what propels him to close the last few inches of distance between the two of you, but all he knows is that it takes two seconds for him to deliver you with a bone-crushing hug that effectively cuts you off and effectively makes Taehyung feel like the outsider. He buries his nose into the crook of your neck, something he didn’t even realized he’s always wanted to do until the smell of lavender floods his nose and he realizes that this is entirely worth it.

“Jungkook,” You start again tentatively. “Are you alright?”

“I missed you,” He grumbles. “I hate you for playing games with me like this. But I love you too. And I’m sorry.”

You exhale breathlessly, but you return his hug, however awkward it may be with both of you still more or less sitting. “Shouldn’t I be the one saying sorry?”

“I mean…” He starts quietly. “That too. But maybe if you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have realized my feelings for you. I’m still sorry though.”

You laugh a little, musical sounds to his ears. “Of course I forgive you. But I think I would forgive you a little more if you did something with me.”

“And what’s that?”

You pull away, gesturing to your costume. “I hope you have a green tie with you somewhere. There’s a costume contest going on. For couples. And it’d be a shame if I let this Mitsuha costume go to waste.”

He pretends to ponder this. “For couples,” He quotes you. “Is this your way of asking me out?”

You tilt your head at him. “Is it working?”

“Perhaps.”

You place your hands on his shoulders. “How about,” You start. “You put on that green tie and we go to the contest and we really do something only couples should be allowed to do?”

The corner of Jungkook’s lip turn up, his heart picking up. “I might say yes to that,” He replies.

From outside the little bubble of conversation shared between you and Jungkook, Kim Taehyung groans and rolls his eyes. “I wonder how long it’s gonna take me to regret being the catalyst in your relationship.”