#like. god. do you understand?? do you see my agitation?? ed fell into an empty well while running for his life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sippin-on-red-wine · 6 years

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41. “Welcome to fatherhood.”

Wow, what a day. Did it still count as a ‘day’ if you basically hadn’t slept in over 30 hours?

You didn’t like to say this, but it was a lot of pressure. Being pregnant. Ed was over-the-moon thrilled; had cleared his schedule the minute you’d found out. It was a big commitment for him, you knew. Every year you’d wondered if his career had peaked - but it just seemed to grow bigger and bigger.

You had tried to convince him to keep working up through the due date. You had your mum, and Imogen, and your best friend who had just had her first child last year. You’d be alright without having him home. But he seemed almost insulted when you sat down to talk about it. “I know you would be okay without me home, Christ - you’ve managed for years. But I want to be here for you, for once. Be here where I’m needed. Look after you, our family… it's… it’s my dream, love. Please understand that.”

Who were you to deny him the total experience? But you couldn’t help it, you felt a sharp twinge of guilt every time you were upset or irritable, or just wanted some time alone. You knew how much he had given up to be here with you through the pregnancy. You appreciated it more than words could express, really. But despite of all that, you had your moments, and you tried your best to shield him from the unfortunately less-pleasant-than-usual you.

But today was just another story. You’d felt so sick for days - no appetite at all. Ed insisted on bringing you food nearly every hour, hoping something would pique your interest. He offered to rub your tired feet, to draw you a warm bath - but all you really wanted was some time to yourself. It was hard, even after a couple of months, to adjust from being on your own to being looked after. Constantly.

You hadn’t slept a wink the night before, unable to get comfortable even in your own skin, let alone the bed. Ed was doing his very best; but for some god forsaken reason, his attempts to make you comfortable just agitated you further. You feigned a headache and begged off for a nap.

Ed helped you into bed, artfully arranging pillows and fetching iced tea and filling the essential oil diffuser. Once you were all tucked in, he asked if you wanted him to stay until you were asleep. You assured him you were fine and watched as he quietly slipped out of the room, feeling guilty as you know he’d wanted to stay with you.

You woke slowly, feeling out the fuzzy edges of consciousness. How long had you been out? Your body didn’t feel nearly rested enough. Suddenly you realize you can hear Ed’s smoky, sweet like – through the baby monitor system that had just come in. You’d rolled your eyes when Ed insisted he set it up - despite the fact that you weren’t due to actually have a baby to monitor for another few months.

There was a lot of commotion going on in the background - the sound of things dropping, being shuffled, and quiet cussing. What is he doing in there?

The faraway sound of a dial tone. You rolled over, begrudgingly, and peeked at the little screen perched up on your dresser. It played video feedback from the nursery - if you could even call it a nursery. It wasn’t much more than an empty room at the moment. But Ed had piqued your interest.

The room looked a fright - cardboard pieces and styrofoam littered the floor. Ed was pacing up and down the room, clutching his cell phone to his ear.

“Dad?” He sounded stressed to the max. “Can you come round? I'm… I need some help.” Even through the muffled audio of the video monitor, you could hear the slightly high-pitched tone that was unmistakably Ed’s 'panic’ voice. “I’m fine, it’s not me… No, no, she’s okay. Nothing like that. I just have no fucking clue what I’m doing. She isn’t eating or sleeping and nothing I try is helping. I hate seeing her like that. She finally fell asleep for a bit and so I thought I’d surprise her and put this crib together but I’m so fucking useless I can’t even get past the first page of instructions.” A pause. John must be trying to calm him down. “Dad, how am I supposed to raise a tiny human when I can’t even assemble a fucking crib?”

Ed paced himself over to the corner of the room and the audio was too muffled to hear the rest of his conversation, but he hung up shortly after. You watched as he slipped his cell into his pocket and rubbed at his eyes before kneeling back down in the chaos and sorting through all the parts that were laid out in front of him.

Apparently guilt was a good sleep-inducer, because you dozed off for another little bit before being woken by another familiar voice. You stretched your feet out to the bottom of the bed, your hands naturally falling to the growing swell of your belly as you oriented yourself.

A quick peek at the monitor confirmed. “Here, try these. This is what always worked for your Mother.” John set down a brown paper grocery stack and pulled a couple of things out to show Ed.

“Vanilla wafers and root beer?” Ed questioned. “No wonder I have such a penchant for junk food.”

They both laughed, and the sound sent a wash of relief over you.

“Look, Ed. It’s going to be challenging. You’re going to feel defeated sometimes, a lot of the time actually. You’re going to wish you could snap your fingers and take away her pain, her heartache. Your marriage will change, hell, your whole life will change. You’ll learn how to be a jack of all trades - nurse, teacher, counselor, yes - even carpenter.” He joked, gesturing to the chaos in front of them. “It will be hard, but it will be the best thing you’ll ever do. Welcome to Fatherhood.”

#wow who am i #blurb #writing prompts #ed sheeran fanfic

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bleedingcoffee42 · 7 years

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Hyuroi Week 2017: Day 4: Always By Your Side

Picked up an old WIP for this one. Still a WIP.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He was still reeling from the news of the Hughes's death and the last thing he was prepared for was a tall man in a suit placing the envelope in his hand. Everything seemed to come to a standstill as the man asked, “Colonel Mustang, did you hear what I said?”

The past few hours had been like living a nightmare. It was an ordinary day at the office until he answered the phone and found out that his best friend and his wife had been killed in a train derailment. He felt his world slow down as the voice on the other end of the line, Hughes's secretary, cried and told him the brief details. Maes and Gracia were going out to lunch, one of the trains hit a car on the tracks and the entire front of the engine caught on fire. The train went into a curve too quickly, jumping the tracks and landing on Smith Street. It was a disaster.

Roy heard Hawkeye's voice beside him as he set down the phone and felt his hand shake. Hughes was dead? He survived a war and his damned job just to die in the street because of a freak accident? She drove him to the station, got them on the first train to Central and drove him to the hospital to see the coroner. He didn't say much and let Hawkeye lead him around. How the hell could he be gone?

“Colonel?”

Roy looked up at the man who was hovering over him, a lawyer. He had been replaying the day in his head again hoping for a different outcome. He sat up and looked at the man and said, “Yes.”

“It was my understanding that Lt. Colonel Hughes had spoken with you about this.”

Roy looked at the letter in his hand and saw Maes's signature handwriting on it. He opened the letter and ignored the man who was growing more agitated by the second because he was paid by the hour. To hell with him. He opened the letter addressed to him and as he read he heard Maes's voice in his head.

Roy, if you're reading this then I'm dead and you forgot about the many times we talked about this. In the event that something happened to me and Gracia, you agreed to take care of Elicia. Remember, now? Good. So I need you to get past whatever happened to me because my daughter needs you.

I know this isn't going to be easy, but you are going to have to be the Dad I can't be now. I know you're going to say that you're the worst person for this job and you can't take care of yourself more or less a kid. You're better than you give yourself credit for. Elicia is a pretty forgiving kid too. God I love her....please please don't let her live a day without knowing she's loved. You were there Roy, you were that kid who had to adapt to a Foster Mom and learn to live without your parents. I don't know how you did it and I can't give you any advice, but I believe in you. So please, just help her through this.

I hope you never read this, but I'd be a fool to never prepare for this scenario. Take care of each other. Oh...and get a WIFE!! ~Maes

The hand-writing got shaky and there were blotched indicating tears had fallen when he wrote this. So Elicia loses her parents and then gets stuck with him? That wasn't equivalent exchange. “Yes.”

The lawyer nodded and tucked his briefcase under his arm. “The little girl is at home with a Major Armstrong? I assume the military will be taking care of the funeral, so there won't be anything I need from you in that regards, however I do have a lot of paperwork for you to sign come tomorrow. You can come by my office?”

“Yes.” Roy said and the man gave him a nod and handed him a business card. Then he was gone, down the busy hallway of the hospital basement that was now packed with gurneys, body bags and sobbing families. He looked up at Hawkeye who had stood by his side the entire time and she rested her hand on his shoulder again.

“Dr. Knox...” Riza took a deep breath. “He says that Armstrong already identified the bodies and highly suggest you not torture yourself by going in there.”

Roy glanced up at her, “No. I...need to. I've seen worse...I've done worse.”

Riza looked away as he pushed past the swinging doors into the morgue. One more thing to try to suffocate him in his dreams, the man knew how to hurt himself. She followed him, knowing it would be up to her to drag him out of there when he could endure no more.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“This isn't the Hughes's house.” Roy said flatly from the passenger seat as he realized the car had stopped.

“I know.” Riza looked over at his red eyes and reached over to hold the hand he rested on the seat. “You should stop and see your Mom while you are in town.”

Roy shook his head. “Riza, nothing is going to make me a suitable parent, not even a pep talk from my foster mother about how I came into her life.”

“Hughes would have never asked you if he didn't believe you were capable.” She said softly and squeezed his hand.

He nodded and opened the door and slipped off the seat to stand on the sidewalk. He looked up at his childhood home as the “Christmas's Bar” sign swung lightly in the breeze. He could still remember being about Elicia's age when he got out of the car after his parent's funeral and looked up at the exact same sign and wondered why he was being punished like this. He had been scared of his Aunt Chris at first, she was a bold and intimidating woman, and he just followed her around like a lost puppy. He had no home or parents to go to, he had no other choice. He took a deep breath and walked to the door and opened it, the bell rang over his head and reminded him that this would always be home for him.

Chris Mustang looked up from the bar and raised an eyebrow when she saw her foster son. Something was wrong, it was written all over his face. “What's wrong, Roy-Boy?”

He paused in the doorway and looked at her. The bar was empty, she wasn't open for business yet. He let the door swing closed as he walked over to the bar and slumped onto a stool. “Maes was killed in that train accident...”

She reached over and put her hand on his cheek. “I'm sorry kid.”

“He...asked me to take care of his daughter.” Roy let out a choked sob and put his fist in his mouth to avoid breaking down and crying. Maes asked him to look after his daughter, the center of his universe.

“Then where is she?” Chris said and his watery eyes lifted to her and she ruffled his hair. “What? At least you're a respectable man with means to take care of a kid. You have a devoted woman beside you too. I'm proud of how you turned out Roy Boy, and nobody has to tell me I wasn't the ideal candidate to raise a kid. You know how scared and lost that poor girl is right now, so get your ass over there and don't let her leave your side.”

“Mom...”

“Go.” She said and smacked his cheek. “I'll make dinner.”

Roy didn't move until she shoved him off the bar stool and gave him an authoritative point to the door. He slowly moved away and shuffled to the door. When he hesitated opening it he heard her voice, much softer than before.

“She needs your confidence and strength even if you have none. Just take her under your wing like you naturally do to everyone you meet.”

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Edward felt the air sucked out of his lungs when Maria Ross told him that the Hughes' were killed in the accident that leveled half of Smith Street. When they had come in on the train, they saw the damage and Al had joked about it looking like Ed had been here already...now...”Oh my God.”

Al could only gasp in horror at the news. He wished he had some other release for the horrible emotions, but without a real body his soul was forced to just bear it all on it's own. “NO!”

Maria looked away, their voices tore open the wound that she thought was starting to heal. The loss of Hughes was a cloud that hung over them all. “It was a horrible accident, a lot of people lost their lives.”

“What about Elicia?” Al asked and saw his brother stiffen. Please God, please don't take another little girl from this world.

“She's...with Colonel Mustang.” Maria watched the sorrow turn into shock on Ed's face. “In the event that something happened to him and his wife, Lt. Colonel Hughes asked the Colonel to look after his daughter. Elicia is in East City with him.”

“Like...living with him?” Ed said and tried to get his mind around Mustang being a responsible adult in charge of a sweet little girl. The first image that came to his mind was of the young Lt. Colonel who grabbed him by his collar and lifted him out of his wheelchair by his throat. “Oh my GOD!”

Al cringed. The Colonel....was taking care of Elicia? “We've been in his apartment! He has food in his fridge that is older than us and I'm pretty sure there is something living in his couch!”

“Has nobody seen how he treats me!?” Ed screamed. “You let him take her home with him!?”

“Boys.” Maria said as they both bolted down the hallway and disappeared down the hall. She sighed. “Well I guess two more protective Uncles won't hurt anything.”

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Are these pictures?” Elicia asked as she almost fell into the box after the album that was just placed in there.

Roy sat on the floor and put a few books on his lap, pausing his packing for a moment. He couldn't believe all the crap he had accumulated over the years of living in this place. It was essential to move though, for both their sakes. She needed her own room and he needed to leave his bachelor lifestyle behind for good. “Just of me as a kid. Nothing exciting.”

“I want to see!” She said and tried to pull the album out and was grateful when his hand helped lift the book out for her.

He set aside the books and scooted over on the carpet to sit next to her and look at the dusty album. A month of having her in his care had allowed him to finally stop acting so awkward around her. Granted he was sure he was being too honest when she asked questions, but he was just going to blame that on being an alchemist and not a shitty adult.

“They're in black and white.” She said and looked up at her Uncle Roy who still had the bow in his hair from earlier when she brushed it for him. “Did you not have color when you were little?”

“No, color film was a little more expensive back then. My Mom just had this old camera...”

“So was everything in back and white?” She asked. “Like did you see in black and white? Did you live without color?”

He was slowly acclimating to the mindset of a child and learning to be less offended by the straight forward innocent questions she asked. “No. I saw in color. It's just that the film was....never mind. That's a picture of when my Mom bought me my first alchemy book. And that squirrel I tried to tame that ended up trashing the supply closet and running through the duct work during business hours. ”

Elicia smiled as she flipped to the next page. “You were so cute!”

He looked at the picture of him wearing an apron trying to make biscuits. “I learned an important lesson that day.”

“What was that?” She asked.

“There is a huge difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon when speaking in terms of salt.” He sighed. “Those biscuits were awful. They're probably still up on the roof of the bar. I tried feeding them to the pigeons and they got a little suspicious of me after that.”

“You mean like when you try feeding Hayate?” She asked.

“Yeah.” Roy reached over for the books and looked at the alchemy book that was his first book. So, should he see if she wanted to learn this too? He had no idea what Maes would have wanted.

“It's Daddy!” Elicia squealed.

Roy froze and looked down at the album. He had put away the picture he usually kept on his desk from graduation, not wanting to make things harder on them both. However he forgot that nearly half his album was stuffed full of academy pictures thanks to Maes being.....well....Maes. He had sent those all home to his Mom and she had placed them in the album.

“Uncle Roy?” Elicia said and touched the picture. “Why can't you bring him and Mommy back? With alchemy?”

Roy could feel his gut churning and the bile beginning to rise from his stomach. Thankfully there was a loud knock on the door that could only be one obnoxious person. He was never so happy to hear Fullmetal's knock before in his life. “Hey, that's Ed.”

“How do you know?” Elicia said and turned as she heard the banging again.

“I just know.” Roy said as she ran over to the door and he threw the books in the box. He got up and walked over to open the door and saw from Elicia's fading smile that she was hoping he was wrong. She was hoping her Dad would be there to pick her up and tell her it was all a mistake, that this nightmare wasn't real and he was here to save her. Instead he looked at Ed who must have seen the same thing he did, and the boy was immediately mellowed out. His confidence was already shaken before he was reminded of just how bad he was with kids. “Hey Fullmetal, are you here to help me pack?”

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“We're home!” Elicia squealed and opened the car door before the car could come to a stop. Roy slammed on the brakes and the Elrics slammed into the front seat as Elicia jumped out of the car. Before Roy could put the car in park, the boys were scrambling over each other to get out of the back seat and race after the little girl. All three of them made it to the front lawn just in time to see Elicia pounding her little fists on the front door, screaming for her parents. Ed and Al knew the feeling, the knew exactly what it was like coming home and finding out it could never be home again. They had run home after the funeral only to find an empty house, ran home thinking if they could just get away from the nightmare that they could go back to the way things were.

Ed was the first to go over to Elicia and take her hands in his own. “They're not here.”

“You don't know that!” Elicia screamed. “I want my Mommy and Daddy! They came home while I was away, I know it.”

Roy tossed the house keys to Al, his feet still frozen in place. He thought they were making progress, but that was all a lie he told himself to make this situation more comfortable. Elicia would never be over their loss, and it would take years before she stopped looking at the door expecting her parents to come home. He remember doing that, a memory long repressed, and knew he wasn't the one to help her now. Ed and Al's could still relate, they still picked at the scabs of their loss. “I'll get her bags.”

Al walked up the stairs and onto the front porch and put the keys in the door, then swung it open for Elicia to run into. Ed kept his eyes down and followed her, turning on lights as they went. Al was glad for once that he wasn't in a real body, he didn't want to smell that stagnant air or that faint hint of familiar people's smell. The silence in a home that had once been filled with warmth and happiness was enough.

Ed wasn't as lucky. Elicia could be heard running from room to room, echos of “Mommy?” “Daddy!” and it was enough to break his heart, but seeing the Hughes home frozen in time was something he wasn't prepared for. Armstrong had gone through and thrown away the perishables, secured the valuables and locked the house up after the funeral. It wasn't until matters were settled that the lawyer turned over the keys to Mustang, the Hughes' left everything to Elicia and Mustang was her guardian until she was old enough to own it herself. Mustang thought it would be better for Elicia to live in her home, but Ed wasn't so sure about that now. It wasn't an empty house like they came home to as kids, Hughes was much more of a presence and that was evident now.

Photos were on every wall. Maes and Gracia were smiling at them from behind the glass of those frames, smiling as they lived and loved life...a life that was now lost. Al tried to not look as he walked to the stairs, but it was impossible. “What do we do? We can't take these pictures down?”

“At least...” Ed whispered. “I never knew how fortunate we were to have so few pictures of Mom.”

“Yeah.” Al agreed. He walked up the stairs to Elicia's room and found her in her bed, clutching a stuffed animal. He walked over and sat down beside her and to his surprise she started crying into his arm. “It's going to be hard for a while.”

“Why can't you bring them back!?” Elicia squealed. “I want my Mommy and Daddy back.”

“It won't work.” Al said softly. “It never does.”

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Roy settled in to his new job in Central easier than he settled into his new home. Elicia was better off somewhere familiar instead of his cramped apartment and returning home reassured her quite a bit. It was hard, feeling like someone was always watching him, nowing he was probably disappointing him. Roy put his hands on the bathroom vanity and looked at himself in the mirror, hardly the image of a good foster parent. He had no idea how his own mother hand managed to do this. “Hughes, I don't know how to give her the life you wanted. I don't know how to be you.”

He got in the shower and took his time. This was the only time he had to himself as Elicia glued herself to him during their time together, fearing he would disappear forever and leave her alone as well. He called her from work to reassure her as much as possible. They played when he got home. He would read her a bedtime story and put her to sleep, then take a shower and discover she had relocated to his bed. This was his only peaceful time. All ten minutes of it.

When he got out of the shower he toweled off and looked at the mirror, ready to use his towel to wipe away the condensation on the glass. However he paused as he stared at the steamed up mirror, words traced out in it. “Still by your side Roy-Boy”

There were only three people in this world who knew about that nickname. His mother and Riza would never break into his bathroom to write spooky shit in the mirror, they'd never push his buttons like that. His best friend would. His asshole best friend would break into his apartment and write dumb fucking messages on his mirror to find when he was recovering from a hangover. But Maes was dead, that was a fact.

Then, in front of his eyes, he saw new letters emerge. One by one: USO-800. Maes's call number that only he and Central Command knew. This couldn't be real.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ed and Al came over for dinner, something they were now accustomed to doing for Elicia's sake. Roy enjoyed cooking and Elicia enjoyed company, they enjoyed trying to make things normal for her. It worked out well. This evening something seemed wrong and Ed couldn't quite put his finger on it. He wondered if Roy was going to give up on it all, he wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he was biased when it came to failed father figures. Al was hopeful, but Ed saw the uncertainty and it reminded him of the way Hohenheim used to look at them before he left.

After they put Elicia to bed and told her a bedtime story, they came out to say goodnight to Roy as he did the dishes. “Is Elicia asleep?”

Ed glared at his back as he put some more dishes in the drying rack. He knew it. “Yeah.”

Al gave his brother a questioning glance. Why did he sound so hostile? “Yes, she tried to fight it but we promised to come back tomorrow so she could hear the rest of the story.”

Roy toweled off his hands and turned around. “I have a theory to run past you two.”

Theory. Ed crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. Theory that he wasn't cut out for this? That he wasn't going to be able to be a good Father for this little girl so it was best to just not try?

“As alchemists, we can see energy.” Roy began., his eyes not lifting from the towel as he rubbed his hands off despite them already being adequately dry. “I'm not alone in this?”

“No.” Al responded.

“A soul, is theorized as being an energy source.” Roy began and finally threw the towel onto the counter. He looked up and he saw Hughes standing beside Ed on the wall. He had nobody else he could ask. These two were the only people in existence who could understand his reasoning or his insanity. “We, as alchemists, should be able to see it as we do other energy.”

Ed wasn't expecting that. He let his anger abate and stepped away from the wall. “What...are you asking?”

“Can you see Hughes?” Roy asked and looked directly at his best friend. “There, by the chalkboard on the wall?”

Both boys turned towards the chalkboard without hesitation and saw nothing. Then something happened. On the chalkboard was a patch of scribbled chalk, a block of color, and then smudges in it appeared. Something was wiping away the chalk. Al was the first to ask, “How are you doing that? I didn't see you clap.”

“I'm not doing that.” Roy said. “You see it too, right?”

Ed walked closer, eyes watching intently as every stroke revealed a message. It was a date. His birthday. Elicia's birthday. “Colonel, if this is some kind of joke I will kick your ass all the way back to East City.”

“If you concentrate to the left of the chalkboard, to the left of you...can you see him?” Roy asked and stepped closer to the table. He needed confirmation, he needed to know he wasn't losing it. “Concentrate. Focus on the energy...”

Ed did as asked and did see a faint outline of something.

“I see.” Al said and gasped softly. “He's a soul without a body. How did you do it Colonel?”

“I didn't do anything.” Roy said and Hughes then wrote on the board again.

'Alchemy doesn't do everything.'

Ed leaned against the kitchen table. He looked at Mustang who's face betrayed his relief and he knew right then and there this was the truth. He had accepted so many other things so readily, why not this? He focused harder and saw the shadowy face of a man they had come to love as part of their family. He was quick to react and said, “But...maybe we can use alchemy to attach your soul to a body.”

'No'

“I already asked.” Roy said and sat down at the table. “Hughes wishes to remain a ghost.”

Al knew from the sound of his voice that Mustang would have paid the toll to soul bind Hughes to something so he could still live. He also knew that he would still do it if a solution presented itself. “I don't understand how this is happening? How is Hughes able to be here?”

“I don't know anything about ghosts.” Roy said and leaned back in the chair. “I always thought they were bullshit easily explained by the human psyche stretching for a reason to simple physical reactions. “

'I like proving your wrong'

“Shut up Hughes.”

Ed sat down and felt the air disturbance next to him and his skin reacted to it with goosebumps and raised hairs. “So what do you want us to do? Do you want us to find a way to put him in a body again?”

“I want...” Roy paused. “We want you to help Elicia learn alchemy so she can see him. I think there is something in the way we, as alchemists, see the world that enables us to focus on this energy and mentally process it.”

“Does she know?” Al asked.

Roy looked at Hughes and crossed his arms. “Well someone has been writing her notes on the chalkboard in her room. Which makes for some awkward conversations with the people at daycare.”

'Not sorry'

“We can do that.” Al assured him. “We can definitely do that.”

Roy looked over as Hughes gave a thumbs up and couldn't help but wonder what else they could do. It was a conversation for the office however, somewhere Hughes couldn't hear him asking Ed about how he bound Al's soul to his armor in excruciating detail.

'Start tomorrow.'

“They do work for me remember?” Roy said knowing this was a move meant to block him from asking those questions of Ed. Knowing Hughes would be alone with the boys and tell them not to allow their knowledge, their mistakes, from being shared.

'Too bad'

Roy stood up and sighed. “Well then you two might as well spend the night. I'm going to bed, some of us actually have to work in the morning.”

“I don't sleep.” Al reminded them and went over to add more chalk to the board. “I finally have someone I can talk to.”

“I'll stay up with you.” Ed said and sat down.

“Goodnight then.” Roy said and relaxed a little. It gave him time to think to himself without Hughes interrupting.

#fic #hyuroiweek2017 #hyuroi

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