#like. i am not rerooting him a second time

[bratzfag]

Tonights Nicky progress. I couldve continued till I was done but I accidentally snapped my needle in half so work is halted until further notice

[buildingshitwithcrab]

Thrifted stuffs and crafted stuffs and adapted stuffs, under ye cut:

We completely forgot it was the 50% last-Friday sale at the corner thrift, until we were headed out the door to go there. Later in the afternoon, it wasn’t crowded at all, so that’s a big plus to keep in mind for the future. There were more dolls and grab bags of interest than there have been for a long while. Also a big plus!

I don’t Fortnite, but this guy had a ton of articulation, so he was a keeper. This figure--new-in-box, granted--is $50 on Am*zon. $1.25 from a half-off grab bag. No accessories, but nothing’s broken, either. (live-action Jafar came from Ollie’s. I basically robbed him of his turban and snake staff.)

I’m trying to figure out how to pare down my fashion dolls, and then I hit a small trove. Of course. 1990 Wedding Day Midge, 1996 Holiday Barbie, 70s Sun Lovin’ Malibu Barbie, and I think that’s either an 80s Crystal or Dream Date Barbie. Still need to compare her eye paint, to be sure.

And, finally found a “ma’am, are you okay?” 1980 winking Western Barbie.The pole in her neck that works the winking mechanism is broken. Not entirely sure how to fix it, but her other ‘eyelid’ has gotten rubbery and sticky, so might just fill the face gaps with milliput eventually, paint them to blend in, and find her a new body. The winking head has a factory slit in the back, and closed with just a tight thread and knot. There’s a translucent ‘skull’ under it, for the mechanism. It makes an interesting kind of fembot, without the face.

I love the Malibu’s face paint a real, real lot. She may be a couple of years before my time, but that’s like the quintessential Barbie look, to me. We’d gotten an Ollie’s coupon in the mail a while ago, and I got to use it to finally get one of their not-discounted-at-all made-to-move mountaineers.

With some neck well carving (she could use a little more, tbh,) Malibu got the body. I love her to bits. Maybe one day, she’ll need/get new hair, but her original blonde really isn’t in too bad of shape, considering. She might go light brown, if I ever do that. There were never enough, and by ‘enough’ I mean ‘any’, brunette Barbies when I was a kid. Teresas and Whitneys, sure, but no Barbies.

Also at Ollie’s, the outfit packs for the small-scale huge-head Harijuku dolls are $1.50 each. Turns out, they’re useful:

The dresses fit Kenner Strawberry Shortcake bodies wonderfully (apron’s a random grab bag find, maybe Calico Critters,) and the shoes fit Pinkie Cooper bodies. Shortcake and Lime Chiffon are thrift finds, but came to me through a deal on the Shifty Thrifting discord. I have a complete Lime, so this one who came nekkid may get rerooted in silver. One of my loftiest ambitions is to have a custom Sephiroth in every scale/line that I actively seek out, as opposed to randomly find, and Lime already has green eyes. sephimint is my first-pass idea for a name. which... I guess if I can find a super-pale green or blue hair to steal, that would work, too.

Lime is also wearing my second attempt at knitting socks for Shortcakes, on size 1 needles. The ‘yarn’ is baker’s twine from Dollar Tree, that happens to be an ideal shade of green and white to match the Kenner tights material. It’s still kinda too large a weight to make good doll socks; legwarmers would be more convincing. Eh, well.

Strawberry’s missing a leg due to a body crack, but I didn’t have a Strawberry in my smol collection anymore, so she’s still valid. Might work out a peg leg for her, if I can’t find a broken donor body. The pink shoe is from a modern cheapie clone, to show that the shoes can be swiped. No room for the tights, but they fit bare Kenner feet. I tried using the clone’s leg on Strawberry, but it’s awkwardly shorter. No soap, doc.

The twine is good for more than footwear, though. Blueberry Muffin, also from the Shifty bundle, came with naught but Angelcake’s dress, and hats are something I’ve already done for Orange Blossom and Raspberry Tart. I tried a youtube pattern first, didn’t like it in this scale at all, frogged it, and re-did this from guesswork. I should’ve gone one more round on the height, but nailed the rippled brim. Her dress is from a grab bag, some cheapie Chelsea clone most likely, but the color and fit can’t be beat, for something I just happened to already have.

[number13babe]

Today, I reflect on how i would not be the person that I am if i had stayed in that relationship. Even before Dave there was Jeremiah. Before I fully knew who I was I loved him and thought the world would end if we couldn’t make our relationship last forever. Love when you are that young is good and bad. It was so naive and that is to be expected. If I had stayed with him like he wanted me to who would I be now? I know there is a lot of me, like the core of me, that would be the same, but I can’t help and think on how many wonderful experiences I would have missed out on. How all these opportunities I have had to get to know myself, when I was sad, when I was lonely, when I was single and happily howling at the moon and embracing my freedom and sensuality... all of this would have been missed. I would not be here in Austin.

 I even rarely will sit and think of him and how he has only been in one relationship after me, her name is Sara funny enough. I can’t imagine being that ready to settle in. I don’t believe I would be ready by my second time at a relationship. Something in me knew I had to work on myself more when I finally, after 4 and a half years, left Jeremiah to be alone. Key word here is I LEFT him to be ALONE. I feel so empowered having left, I feel so thankful for having wanted to be alone and not jump to the next ship. If he couldn’t fix what was inside of me why would I have jumped to another boy who wouldn’t be able to fix what was inside of me again? I am the only one who has ever been able to reroot my strength. I feel this tingly wholeness as a single entity. I am here to love myself and then share. So, I am not alone, not ever. If love is ever supposed to find its home outside of ourselves it is AFTER we internally promise ourselves that we love ourselves from the center. What is within us is so complex and beautiful and I believe now after all my time alone, not alone really, that there are so many people out there wanting to know that someone else is complex and beautiful like they are too.

[theworstbob]

the thing journal, 6.25-7.1

capsule reviews of the things i attempted to take in last week. in this post: super! pop psychology! oxymoron! crush! beyonce! fake sugar! ctrl! 45 jokes about my dead dad! southsiders! the retrieval! before sunset!

1) Super, dir. James Gunn: A film I think about a lot is Observe & Report. That is an insane film that people were actually given money to make, and it's insane because it plunges deep, deep inside the mind of this psychotic man who thinks he's the one standing between order and chaos, and it's great for that reason, because it doesn't shy away from the ludicrous darkness of that crazy, crazy person. The only way this film is worth watching is if this film takes an Observe & Report-deep look at the motivations of its protagonist, and it doesn't come anywhere close to being that audacious. But this film is dealing with a deeply crazy person, a man who dresses in spandex and beats people with a pipe wrench, and it needed to treat that person like a crazy person, not like a hero. When Ellen Page (the absolute highlight of this film) starts taking it too far, Rainn Wilson can't suddenly pull back, the film either needs to show how he encouraged that wanton violence or have him standing to the side, beaming at the great work his protege is doing. Like, the Crimson Bolt is aware on some level that what he's doing is wrong, and the film doesn't work precisely because the character has that awareness. Not the worst film I've seen all year (I was lurking in a Twitch stream (this one, it’s dope) last night where people in the chat were defending Sausage Party and I swear to Christ I was ten deep breaths away from getting myself banned for yelling at them for their bad opinion), but definitely a bummer.

2) Pop Psychology, by Neon Trees: this was a good album. you know the thing about listening to a three-year-old pop album, though? regular soda pop has an expiration date of three months. but it's not like pop really goes bad, it just kinda falls flat, so if you were to ever drink a three-year-old soda pop, it'd still have that same coke taste, it just wouldn't have the bubbles, wouldn't have that texture. and it's not this album's fault i let it expire, we've been over this, i wasn't doing my part in the mid-tens, if i got this fresh out the fridge i'd have much fonder memories (insofar as anyone remembers a specific soda, and not the general memory of drinking soda pop on summer nights). but this wasn't really designed to be consumed three years after production, and that's too bad, neon trees always made really solid pop music, and i'm sure they could've made something truly dope if they put their minds to it. pop ain't bad, though.

3) Oxymoron, by ScHoolboy Q: Gang life is a nightmare and this is an album that puts those nightmarish aspects at the fore. Like, one of my favorite albums of last year, The Game's 1992, didn't necessarily shy away from the horrors of the life, but it also coated over them with the '90s nostalgia, The Game occasionally getting lost remembering listening to 2Pac and Dre and thinking about the OJ trial, whereas this album says "No, this sucks," with these loud and jarring beats and Q's constant growling painting a portrait of the violence and the constant anger one experiences being caught in that life. It's a notably unique vision, but more importantly, it's honestly a joy to listen to, it's an exceedingly dark album but it never feels like a burden, Q is still making music that is meant to be enjoyed and not just pondered over. It's awesome. All of you who've already listened to it should strongly consider giving it another spin.

4) Crush, by 2NE1: I said I wanted to explore the music of 2014. I said I needed to get caught up on the music that wasn't made by white dudes with guitars. I wanted to travel the world. This showed up on the list of notable 2014 releases. So: here we are! Though like let's be real the only difference between this and any other pop music is the language, and even then, I'm sure 2NE1 is saying nice things about love or mean things about a former lover. I thought this three-year-old K-pop album was very nice, and I do not regret listening to it! Than you, K-pop! We'll catch up again when I get to 2011 and the attendant Girls' Generation release

5) Beyonce: the album everyone said was very good that whirlwind night in 2014 was abso-goddamn-lutely right. like, i'm not gonna go too in-depth because you could read any number of thinkpieces and the album is, in a word, flawless, but it's kind of a bummer for me that the consensus is that Lemonade is better than this. I think Lemonade's more ambitious and deals with more personal issues, but, and I will say this a billion times before I eventually abandon this series where I try to talk about anything, heartbreak and sadness are not inherently deeper emotions than love and happiness. Like, "Daddy Lessons" is the best song on either album bar none (and even that's a jubilant sort of fuck you), but there's at least five songs on here that are better than the second-best song on Lemonade. Don't try and tell me "XO" ain't better than "Hold Up." Things that are about nice things are good, y'know? That's just how I feel.

6) Fake Sugar, by Beth Ditto: I can't believe I nearly forgot to include this album. Like, I had the other ten bitlets written, I was ready to copy+paste into the tumblr text field, and I said, "Didn't I listen to something really cool while trapped on the bus on Wednesday?" and I looked in my recents and THERE WAS THIS. THIS GODDAMNED TOWER OF SYNTHPOP MASTERY. I was intrigued by this album because the AV Club's preview said it had a Nashvilley sound to it, and I'm like, hey, I'm down for something vaguely country, and like. This isn't? country? But it's just like insanely good, like I was just blown away, I hadn't expected it to be epic soaring synthpop but epic soaring synthpop is my jam and I was there for it. (It should be noted that I hadn't actually heard of Gossip before like two weeks ago, and now I'm really stoked to sink into their back catalogue once I get out of 2014.)

7) Ctrl, by SZA: "this album is so good in ways i'll never be able to properly articulate," bob said for the hundreth time, relaxing after another bitlet well wroted flew from his hands into the eyes of ones Like, just the way it gets slowly more surreal as the album proceeds, SZA, like, I dunno, gliding in and out of this dream state while still keeping just in touch with reality enough that she never goes too far out of grasp? Look I'm not smart, I'm not gonna pretend I know what I'm talking about after just a couple listens, I just know it's heckin' great and well worth your time. It's so dope, and I feel like I'm failing this album by not coming up with anything substantive to say about it. We got, what, six deep into this post before I apologized to some entity or another for not being able to properly express my love? New PB. We'll get that perfect post one day.

8) 45 Jokes About My Dead Dad, by Laurie Kilmartin: it says a lot about my sensibility that i knew i'd be into this album the second i saw this album title, like hell yeah, i am in here for all these jokes about your dead dad, HIT ME. i am a fan of jokes about dead parents. it's an incredible album, like, there's a joke where her son asks her why everyone at the funeral is sad and she says it's because they're at a funeral and her son asks "are you sad because i'm not playing Minecraft?" while reaching for her phone and that joke sent me soaring above the tallest remaining rainforest where i mingled with the clouds and the other blessed creatures, and it maybe cracks the top ten. it's so good! like, i legit listened to it twice in a row, that was something where i knew i missed so much from laughing too hard. good work and sorry about your dad.

9) Southsiders, by Atmosphere: Whenever I feel disconnected from Minneapolis, I remember that I live in the same city as the Rhymesayers offices and reroot myself. I will cop to not being that deep in the Rhymesayers catalogue, but knowing my local music scene makes vital and lasting records means a lot to me, and the main thing that keeps me from moving to another city, apart from the fact I don't drive, is that I'll never feel as close to whatever music that city makes as I do to Atmosphere. This isn't really a review insofar as it's me writing a love letter to Atmosphere.

10) The Retrieval, dir. Chris Eska: Dear MUBI, either I'm blind or there were no subtitles available for this film, and if there WERE no subtitles, I am hella available to offer transcription services for you. (I am not a professional transcriptor and have not transcribed anything before, don't hire me.) 'Cuz hoo boy, these were some mumbly, mumbly people. You can figure out what's going on because the plot isn't terribly complex (it's vaguely reminiscent of the single-greatest achievement in filmmaking history, Brother Bear) and all involved are giving wonderful performances, you don't necessarily need to hear Scruffy tell Band of Outsiders "He's a good kid." It communicates its story visually, and that's a dumb thing to say about a movie, but I'm dumb at movies so heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

11) Before Sunset, dir. Richard Linklater: I'm going to be referring to this as my favorite fantasy film of all time. NUTS TO YOU, PRISONER OF AZKABAN. (I don’t watch much fantasy.) The first film does have some plausibility, and it probably even actually happened, you spend one magical night with someone and spend the rest of your life thinking about them. I remain convinced that my soulmate was this girl I hung out with at a Cub Foods family picnic the summer before seventh grade. (An Atmosphere reference and a Cub Foods shout-out. This is a Minnesota-ass journal this week.) But there's no chance that you'd ever actually see that person again, so this film, about two people who have spent nearly a decade thinking about each other and letting that inform their lives, letting the love from that night sort of ruin the way they looked at love, seeing each other again is roughly as implausible as an orc. And it's that layer of fantasy that makes this a much more fulfilling movie than the first one. It's not just two twenty-somethings in love, it's two thirty-somethings who've lived and loved and hurt and now have an hour and change to express everything they've been thinking about the source of that life and love and pain for the last decade. And it's beautiful, like, I wanna have the scene where they talk about desire and goals and process playing on an infinite loop on some screen in my house. ("Isn't not wanting anything a symptom of depression?") I'm way more psyched to get to Before Midnight after this than I was for this after Before Sunrise.