#like. if i get upset ma will. dad idefk how he feels abt it he doesnt Seem anxious or uncomfortable or anything abt it. just matter of fact
Text
Also my dad is having surgery on his heart on Wednesday bc the radiation treatments caused his heart murmur to get worse and leaving it alone isn't an option.
#meanwhile I'm still going 'i want to make muffins rn but i also want to paint doodle witj my new gouache but also i need to work on steph's#book illustrations and i have work tmrw and i hate it-' and then i feel weird abt just. acting like this is perfectly normal#i mean yes i am anxious but i cant actively BE anxious abt it#dad and ma both have more right to be anxious rhan i do and theyre seemingly not and if theyre just keeping themselves together then i have#no right to make everything about me and my feelings and fears#like. if i get upset ma will. dad idefk how he feels abt it he doesnt Seem anxious or uncomfortable or anything abt it. just matter of fact#like ok this is happening now#only thing is hes determined to finish ma's puzzle mat thing b4 hes stuck recovering and not able to do the bending and lifting and stretc#stretching etc of woodworking etc#but yeah am i worried Yes am i going to be able to process that before Wednesday at the earliest? no#idk#I'm not able to phrase this well its not like I'm being weird abt it but i dont want to make ma anxious or have her be preoccupied by worry#she wants needs whatever to be there for him and i need to be as self sufficient and not meltdown as i can#i also just dont want to examine my fears bc that makes them have weight instead of being illogical#if i dont focus on them and distract myself from worries they cant be real
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
hhaarruu
確信はないけど
ramiz2828-blog
İsimsiz
richardplant
Richard's photography journey
otomotifjabarala
OTOMOTIF.JABARALA.COM