#like. im out as a trans guy to some class mates and ive introduced myself w a masc name and pronouns
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learned today we're gonna have to leave our bags and jackets in a locker room. so far so good
however, there is only one for men and one for women and i'd feel most comfy in a gender neutral one
like i dont wanna be a man in the women's room but i also dont wanna be the masculine woman in the men's room
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#trans stuff#ok so technically im a guy at uni except that i dont pass#like. im out as a trans guy to some class mates and ive introduced myself w a masc name and pronouns#despite that most ppl use she/her for me#so im in a weird kinda limbo where to some classmates im a man and to some im a woman#and either way ill have to be a guy in a locker room full of women or a woman in a locker room full of guys#at least from some of my class mates' pov#so now i could take a stand and use the men's room to affirm and confirm that im a man#but. im not??? like i am but im also not bc im trans masc nonbinary#but to use the men's locker room ill have to be a Man TM#and im just scared of the fact that#a) i have to fit into the gender binary even though i dont#and b) that i wont be taken seriously (bc i dont pass)#like i Do want to be a man in the eyes of society when i can choose it#eg name pronouns medically transitioning#but i don't want to be squeezed into the gender binary#when using the toilet or a locker room y'know#one thing i choose bc it makes me feel good the other one is forced upon me#and theres no way out and on thursday ill have to pick a locker room ugh. ill probably go w the mens room bc it aligns mostly w how i want#my class mates to see me but the fear the fear oh god the fear#this class keeps getting worse ugh. and i cant even skip it bc its mandatory ugh#like i dont think any of the guys will assault me or anything like that theyre all chill but itll be so weird and awkward#maybe some will be like yeah of course youre a real man bro! and itll make me feel good and affirmed but itll also make me feel like shit#bc im not. a real man. but does it matter? do i even want to be a real man and what is a real man anyway#i guess the problem here is my own self esteem? all i have to do is roll w it. fake it till you make it or whatever#but still. where is my gender neutral locker room :(#anyway i have to go to bed now bc ive been having a headache for half of the day now and it keeps getting worse now that its late#maybe ill ask some of my friends tomorrow what they think abt my locker room dilemma
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