#lindaeatmon-jonesbooks

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Taking Care of Parental Roots

Empty nest syndrome is real. According to pyschologytoday.com, “Grief, depression, a loss of purpose and a sense of sadness may be experienced when children enter their own relationships or when they start their college careers.” Parents struggle with empty nest syndrome when their children move away from the hometown and start families away. There are some instances where kids and grandkids live with the parents. It seemed like the perfect setup: parents would go to work and grandparents—typically retired—looked after the kids. Everyone tends to be happy—the kids are well taken care of and the parents seemed energetic, happy, and young once again.  However, when the kids get a place of their own, grandparents can seem excited at the prospect of their kids trying their wings, but the excitement soon wears off, and they start to miss the grandkids and what they remind them of – the life and activity in the house. It must be difficult for parents to go through the empty nest syndrome. It’s not difficult to imagine because we all have to let go of something and someone dear to us, and basically, that letting go is the crux of the empty nest syndrome. After all, how do you let go of someone you’ve nurtured for so long? How do you ease the day you used to spend taking care of someone? We all want the people we love to succeed. We want them to go after their dreams and build their own homes and families, but there is no denying the fear of being separated for good or the ache—that dull feeling inside. It makes sense why psychologists encourage parents, especially mothers, to nurture themselves even when they have their hands full, taking care of their kids. It makes sense why, ideally, mothers should have their own craft, hobby, organization, group of friends so they don’t lose their identity and don’t feel the effects of the empty nest syndrome in full force. It makes sense why parents need to take care of their relationship with their spouse so when the children are already away in college, parents won’t feel lost in each other’s presence. Today, with distance bring an importance factor - the kids and parents typically make arrangements for regular visits and that summers are spent together. Where distance is not so much of a problem, there can be dinners, movies, days at the park, shopping sprees among other things in between regular visits. Phone and video calls too can be frequent. Indeed, taking care of your parents is one of life’s sweetest blessings. Many don’t get that opportunity. So those who can, should. Read the full article

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Seeing Beyond the Pain

Recently, I was challenged with how to express my Christian thoughts of care and support to a friend who is dying from terminal cancer. He made it clear that religion has had little importance in his life; as a result, he has decided when to end his suffering. His family asked him to let them know before he does so they can say their goodbyes. This week he notified them he will not eat or drink anymore; thereby, allowing his body to die from deletion of water and food. When I spoke with the family member, knowing that he had started the process, I was speechless and could not find the “proper” words to convey my thoughts. Obviously, my concern and care for him, his health and his life are still foremost on my mind but could not think of any words to say to convey the compassion I felt. I know the genesis of my being speechless was rooted in my religious beliefs – I believe that God is the giver of life and is ultimately the one who determines the number of days. My rational mind can understand a person who does not want to endure anymore invasive medical treatments; to take meds that keep them drugged or sick or become tired of living in pain in a shell of a body they once had.  As a result, one feels the better decision one can make is to take control and decide to end the illness/life on one’s own terms and timing.    My friend is very knowledgeable and had talked to medical professionals and caregivers about how he could be in control of ending his life when he chose to no longer suffer the illness. That is an intellectual approach to address the situation and makes sense that he sought medical advice to understand when his body was about to shut down. I researched a little about how long would it take to die if you have no water and no food. Obviously, a lot of factors are considered, person’s health, gender, age, height, weight, environment, etc. However, it ranges between several days to several weeks. When a person dies of thirst, the actual cause of death is an internal poisoning or a circulatory collapse or heart failure. Because of the acute lack of water, the kidneys stop doing their metabolic function and stop producing urine. Body toxins attack other organs which leads to overall poisoning of the body. A person might suffer a general breakdown or circulatory collapse and multi-organ failure and thus dies of a heart attack or stroke. While the body's water resources are used up very quickly during dehydration, starvation phases are in a longer-ending reserve system. How long someone survives without food, therefore, is much less predictable. Hunger strikers who have been starving for two months say the feeling of hunger will completely stop after a few days. With thirst, that is not the case. It appears the lack of water becomes the dominate factor when depleting the body of water and food as to when your body will succumb. I got even sadder when I saw how much additional pain the body goes through with a decision to die from starvation or thirst when a person is already ill and aging. Looking at the situation where one introduces more pain to stop ongoing pain, thereby ending life, my mind goes to how faith in something larger than oneself can provide strength in those dark times.  Having an anchor of faith in God provides hope to let one know that you’re never alone, trust to know He cares and protects all – the saved and the unsaved.  Unfortunately, not knowing the power of prayer opens a window for self-doubt as to the true value of one’s life. Knowing God’s love and commitment to us and how He ransomed His Son’s life so that we may have eternal life can be enough for most of us to hold on until He calls us home. Faith in the unseen can give hope in the unknown. One of the most caring things one can do for someone is to pray for them—to intercede on their behalf at the throne of God.  As Christians, we are called to be in prayer constantly (1 Thessalonians 5:17).  This would include the unsaved. God clearly has a heart for the unsaved. Praying for people to come to know Jesus is praying in accordance with God's desire for them. Now I know how to pray with and for him – a prayer of intercession. Read the full article

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Mother’s Day—Seeing Mothers’ Love Everywhere

It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, what you do, and how old you are—there is nothing as unconditional as a mother’s love. I know they come in different types and sizes, but at the very core of every mother is one thing and one thing only—love. The kind of love that makes her forget about herself, if only for some time before, finally, when her kids are able to stand on their own, she rediscovers herself again. She’ll say, “I don’t want to lose myself in the process of child-rearing,” but give her a child and she’ll barely look at herself in the mirror. She’ll say, “My career means the world to me,” but once a child is involved, she’ll drop anything—no second thoughts, no questions asked—to rush to her child in need. What mother does not know the kind of love that makes her bawl in the privacy of her car or quietly sob at night but still bravely take on challenges squarely in the face the day or the minute after? It’s the same kind of love that pushes her to work longs hours to make ends meet, skip R&R to finish chores at home, or read one last bedtime story after the three “last” ones. It’s the same kind of love that holds your hand, locks you in an embrace, and rocks you to sleep even when she means to dish out discipline and punishment.  It’s the love that adores your childhood stutter and listens to your grown-up stories, excuses, and white lies, forgiving and forgetting in the process. A mother’s love is the love that keeps on giving, a reflection of the greatest love of all—the love gloriously expressed in John 3:16: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” God gave us his son for us—the ultimate sacrifice. Mothers, in a perfect world, do not have to give up anything to give something to someone, but this is not a perfect world we’re living in. Hence, I often wonder what dreams my mother gave up so I could have mine. I know only too well the trade-offs I made to be half the kind of mother my mother is—things like a good night’s sleep, long showers, peaceful mealtimes, solo shopping trips, a solid career. Mothers the world over know about the trade-offs we deal with on a daily basis—trade-offs we don’t second-guess because we love our children. It is rightful then what the Bible tells us to do: “Every one of you shall revere his mother and his father” (Leviticus 19:3). Therefore, wherever you are in the world, make sure to celebrate and honor your mama today and make your life a testament to the love she freely gives to you. Happy Mother’s Day! Read the full article

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Things Boomers and Gen X Can Learn From the Millennials

The mass-stereotyping of an entire generation has distracted us from the new direction the Millennials (Gen Y) are leading us towards. A Gen X says, "Our baby boomer parents spent 30+ years in a job they hated. Then when they finally got out, they said, 'Man, I wish I had done that 10 years ago.' " Millennials watched their parents and grandparents work long hours at jobs they didn't care about. "Work hard and climb the corporate ladder so you can enjoy retirement," the Gen X and Boomers told their kids/grandkids. Millennials think Boomers got caught climbing the corporate ladder and hated every rung. Gen Y heard "You can't have all what you want, so settle. For the first time in history, your generation will not do better than the previous ones." They want nothing to do with this thinking. Their response is, "Mom, Dad, and grandparents, we appreciate all you've done, but we have a better vision for the world." They're clear on their vision and they are living it. Many studies and research have been done and they all seem to converge on a similar shared vision for the world. They truly believe the Boomers and Gen X can learn from their new perspective. Studies reveal the following seven salient beliefs of the Millennials. 1. Embrace Technology. This is the obvious one. Technology is here to stay and you have to embrace it. Older people stand to benefit the most - they can keep in touch through email, Skype, and so forth. Also, older people can learn a lot about health conditions, advancements in medicine and medications, environmental and safety concerns, aging, and physical health on the Internet. 2. Give back. What you do should make the world better. Millennials want to make money and live comfortably but also want to give back to causes they care about. They're eager to use their social networks to share what they learn quickly so many people can benefit. Whether it’s crowdfunding or go-fund-me pages to raise funds or change.org campaigns to raise awareness and influence social policies; their social conscious outlook has more of a worldview than a local one. 3. Do What You Want. Doing something just because it pays well or there's demand for the skill won't make you happy. Millennials believe you should figure out what you want to do and do it. They believe you should be fulfilled by what you do. A 24-year-old says, "I never want to look back and say 'Gee, I really wish I had tried to make my dreams happen.' " 4. Don't Separate Work and Life. If you're doing something you are passionate about, there's no need for work-life balance. They see it all as "living." Move seamlessly from work to play, mix the two and enjoy them both. Buddy Hobart, baby boomer, and Gen Y expert say, "Work-life balance is a myth and you do not have a "work life" and a "personal life," you simply have a life." 5. Learn Fast. Our rapidly evolving world requires a new skill: learning quickly. Conditions change too fast to learn one skill and spend years developing it in the workplace. Develop the skill of learning and adapting quickly so you can do many different things. Gen Y business owners say, "When I get resumes, I look for a diversity of experiences, a wide social network, and a track record of success in varying situations." 6. Be Open-minded about the Future. Many opportunities will come along in life, and if you are stuck in a preconceived idea of what the future should look like, you'll miss the exciting things that come along; they may be better than you ever thought possible. Life is a process of discovery. Be open to discovering things and seeing change as a constant thing in life. 7. Take Risks. Taking risks is a necessary part of achievement and Gen Y gets that. They also appreciate that their Boomer parents let them move back home occasionally when they stumble, as successful people inevitably do. Taking the safe path guarantees your life will be mediocre. Taking risks means there will be a failure, but millennials are more interested in the infinite possibilities that risk-taking brings. A 27-year-old entrepreneur says, "Any failure I meet will be the greatest teacher of all and I'm willing to learn." Millennials aren't bitter and they aren't lazy. Boomers and Gen X see them as “entitled." If an unwillingness to settle for a life of mediocrity is entitled, then they say the answer is yes. They see it as being committed. They know their parents/grandparents worked hard and did the best they could with what they had. However, the research shows, Gen Y is following that example by doing the best they can with what they have: more technology, more connectivity, and the benefit of their elders' experiences. Millennials understand the value of age and experience and want us all to work together on this new future. A 25-year-old entrepreneur says, "There is such an abundance of information today, but a shocking shortage of wisdom. Boomers and Gen X, We Need You!" However, what is pretty silent in their responses to research and studies are their thoughts about education, spirituality, family, and geopolitical aspects of the world they embrace. Perhaps these are areas that the “wisdom” they are requesting from the Boomers and Gen X can be of value. Layering accumulated knowledge and experiences from generation to generation is how we evolve. It's how we improve the experience of being human. Let's partner up with these young people and create a better world together. We can all learn from one another. Have you read my article about Easter Symbols: Religious and Non-Religious - Any Connection? Read the full article