#linosbundlesskz

[linosbundles]

i still love you but || changlix

Pairing : changbin x felix

Genres : angst

Word count : 0.9k {966 words}

warnings : broken-up(?)

a/n : i'm suddenly into angst? blame my playlist~

Summary : it was over, there was no way things were gonna be the same as it was... but felix couldn't help but write to changbin

Unlocking his door, Changbin entered his home, tiredly, with wet hair and clothes, a bag and a few papers which seemed to be his mail. A full working day with a busy schedule, one must be relieved to get back home, but not Changbin. It rained when he was almost home so it’s not like he can just lay down and rest with wet hair.

He put the mails on the table and the bag at its spot and went to take a warm shower.

Drying his hair, he went up to the kitchen to make some warm lavender tea to drink while he read.

Once he was done with reading and the tea, he finally extended his bulky arm and reached for his mail. There were, of course, unwanted mails too, but the second one seemed to be from someone unexpected, someone special, yet not, for the expression on Changbin's face was mixed. He seemed shocked, yet melancholic. Relieved, yet tensed. Comforted, yet scared.

Almost chickening out, Changbin put away the mail. But he's Changbin. He could never sleep after having an unsolved problem. He got the mail back and opened it, it was sent by his ex. Straightening his posture, stiffening his facial expressions, he read it.

I know I’m not supposed to be writing to you after what happened… but I couldn’t help it. I hope you read this till the end though. I don’t know where to start… should I start from the first time we met? From when we actually became acquaintances? When we became friends? That time when we discovered that just like some cheesy k-drama, we also have a destiny like story? Or from our painful break up? I seriously don’t know what I am supposed to do now that I have lost the most important person to me. I still love you and I know that you know that, but I just wanted to let you know once again. What is love? I used to ask myself. You gave me an answer. Thanks to you I understood what love was and I was finally able to give some of that to myself too. You embraced me and accepted me for who I am. You loved me despite me being that fragile kid who just wore a smile and acted unaffected. You helped me turn over a new leaf. If I am in this chapter of my book today, it’s all because of you filling out the previous chapters. I really love you for being such an important person in my life. I still love you and I don’t want to let go already… but I guess that’s it for us? Ever since you got your new job it’s been hard on both of us… slowly we became distant. After a point, you didn’t have the time and energy for me. I don’t blame you because you finally got to do the work that you have dreamt of doing all your life. All your efforts had finally paid off. I didn’t want to be that boyfriend who held his boyfriend back, and stop him from living the life he had looked forward to for all his life. I know I must have made many mistakes too and I apologise, love. I know things can’t go back to the way it was before. But just keep in mind that I’m only a couple streets away and that I’m always up for a drink. I still love you and I want to be there for you whenever you need a shoulder to lean on, whenever you need an embrace to hug you. We started off cute and were so lovey-dovey and then the hurdles started showing themselves, we were able to get through quite a few but then came the worst. We weren’t able to cross the ocean of monsters. But that’s alright, right Binnie? We did our best and we’ll always remember us. I still love you but unfortunately, although we have such a romantic destiny-like set up, we failed to stay together. I guess we are that one out of thousand k-dramas that have a sad ending. It’s alright I keep saying, but am I alright? No, not at all. You not being by my side makes me feel so empty. It feels like I’m all alone in this world. I feel like I can never be loved. I feel like my eyes have been plucked out for I can no longer see the beauty of life. I feel like I have lost my goal, I have lost my life. I have lost the love of my life. All I wanted to do for you is stay by your side and listen to you ramble on about your day and then cuddle with you to sleep. If that’s a lot to ask for, then I’m sorry for being greedy. All that I have left to say is that, I hope things don’t get awkward. I understand if you want to take a break from seeing me, like not that it’s necessary since we barely saw each other even when we were in a relationship, I understand. I’ll not bother you from now on. You can contact me when you’re ready to see me, when you need me, whatever it is. I will wait for you to talk to me, I won’t bother you until then. If you read so far, which I am kinda sure you did because I know you, thank you for reading. - yours and yours only, felix <3

Changbin broke into tears and all that he was able to say through the guilt holding his tongue back was, "I love you too, felix. All my fault… my fault, I’m sorry…I miss you… I still love you but…"