#literally the only conventionally attractive guy he has a crush on is dr sexy

[castiellesbian]

"yeah sure dean is bi but i draw the line at him dating an ugly guy"

[avelera]

more body positive stuff, but this time with hermann? he’s always been insecure about how scrawny he is and how bony his limbs are but newt just can’t get over how elegant and beautiful his boyfriend is!!!

Hey there, Anon! I combined your prompt with a second one which I’ll list below the cut. This got kinda long (3k words, sigh) but I hope I hit what you’re looking for!

On the Risks (and Benefits) of Pillow Talk 

Also available on Ao3

Ship: Newt/Hermann

Words: ~3,000

Timeline: Soon after their Drift - I wanted to write the smut scene between them first but eh, unfortunately this is very T/PG-13 rated and the smut scene will come another day :)

Prompt 2: Can you talk a bit more about Hermann’s realization that he has a bit of a thing for more ample bodies? Did he slowly notice that his secret crushes had certain things in common? Did it hit him suddenly during a meeting? Was it something that he had to hide since he was a child? Is it something he’s found adult videos of before deleting his browser history? Enquiring minds want to know the whole story 😉

–

They lay there, panting side by side, nude on the bed, and even if it wasn’t the first time, Hermann still found himself staring up at the ceiling as his heart rate slowed, trying to figure out how this has become his life. How it had actually come to this after years of alternating between furious at Newton to furious at himself for not being able to relinquish the lingering desire he felt since they’re only known each other as a signature at the end of a page. 

Most humiliating had been the desire that would throb at the most inopportune times. Moments when they were in one another’s face, screaming themselves hoarse, when it would suddenly come over Hermann how badly he wanted to have Newton screaming for an entirely different reason and he would scoff and sputter and storm off, only hoping that Newt would take his departure as a reaction to his monument stupidity rather than the truth of Hermann’s own shameful lack of self control.

Thanks to the Drift, he could now see that a loss of self-control would have probably been the best thing he could have done at the time. They could have been shagging one another silly for years.

Newt sighed in contentment and rolled over to press up against Hermann, planting what he suspected were deliberately messy kisses against his shoulder. Newt’s hand swept up and down Hermann’s scrawny, concave chest, down to the sharp jut of his hipbone down to his thin legs. At least Newt’s wasn’t touching the mess of surgical scars on his left hip or the mangled bone beneath it. Not that Newton had ever made any gesture, or even a whisper that he was put off by the scars, but Hermann can’t help but feel…

“God, you’re so fucking gorgeous,” Newt muttered against his skin. “What are these fucking dancer legs, man? I feel like I kidnapped the premier danseur of the fucking Paris Ballet.” Newt lifted Hermann’s good leg at the knee and stroked his hand up and down the calf while laving more kisses against his skin.

Hermann scoffed, “Like you’ve ever attended the ballet.”

“Fuck you, I spent my summers stuck on the opera circuit as a kid, you uncultured swine. I know what I’m about,” Newt said. “Which is why I know this is fucking superb.” Newt crawled up to bracket Hermann on all fours, peppering more kisses against his neck and down to his chest while his hand traced up and down his side. “But what I don’t know is what you’re doing with a slob like me. Must be my dazzling personality.”

Hermann’s eyes fluttered open as he frowned. His mouth went dry every time he saw Newton naked, at the rounded muscles of his arms and the swell of his stomach and his hips and his thighs. Hermann could feel himself stirring even so soon after the last round just thinking about Newton’s body. “Don’t be absurd, I think we both know who would win a theoretical beauty contest, much as it pains me to stroke your ego.”

“Fake compliments? Dr. Gottlieb, I’m all aflutter!” Newt said between kisses, muffling half his words with each peck. “Especially that you would up and lie like a lying liar just to make me feel better.”

Newt’s been happier, far more relaxed since they closed the Breach. Hermann imagined a similar mood was sweeping the world right now. As for himself, dispatching an existential threat on the same night as all of one’s sexual tension had admittedly lifted even his mood. Newton was a bottomless well of delight and exuberance in the bedroom, far more enthusiastic than any of Hermann’s past partners. He’d simply assumed it was the Drift, or Newton’s general attitude of respect towards Hermann’s disability and familiarity with his overall…demeanor. After  five years of working closely together, the man was in all likelihood simply not phased by all of Hermann’s failings, not that it had stopped all of their petty sniping. 

Hermann frowned and pushed himself up on his elbows. “Do not call me a liar,” he said querulously.

“But you are though. Except like a handsome one so I’ll put up with it this time,” Newt said and kissed up to Hermann’s lips, now within reach. Hermann continued to frown and did not return it. “Ok, what is it now? Are you seriously mad at me for having even a trace of modesty? I thought we were still in the honeymoon period.”

“You’re not a…a slob, Newton, unless you were referring to your office organization habits,” Hermann said. “You’re obviously more attractive than I, and either you are teasing me on the matter, which I do not appreciate and quite violates the so-called honeymoon period, or you believe that to be true and I will not permit you to project such a wrong-headed belief onto me.”

“Wait. Wait a minute, are we…” Newt paused, “seriously having a fight about who is hotter right now?”

“We’re not fighting, it’s a statement of fact,” Hermann retorts.

“Oh my god. Ok, just so you know, this is officially the dumbest argument we’ve ever had, and we’ve had some doozies. First of all, what are you, twelve? Second, you hit all the bases for conventionally attractive, borderline supermodel, dude, if you’d just dress like it once in a while. Those cheekbones, those hands, your shoulders,” Newt punctuated each statement by kissing the offending body part, “you’ve got the willowy, Victorian consumptive look down pat. I wasn’t kidding when I said you’re built like a dancer. Probably the only reason you’re with me is the hot girl effect. Y’know when you’re so hot everyone’s intimidated so only the gross, loud-mouthed guy is dumb enough to give it a shot. Eh, that and you’ve gone way out of your way to hide all this. Then there’s your personality, I mean, you might as well just put up a stop sign…”

“Stop it,” Hermann snapped.

Newt’s lip twitched, but he did stop and held up his palm in surrender. “Sorry, man, old habits. I gotta remember one of these days that I don’t have to pull your pigtails to get you to notice me anymore. Not when I’ve already got you in bed by some fucking miracle.”

Hermann’s lips worked as he choked past his fury, “Not about me, you imbecile, you think after five years together in that lab I can’t handle a petty jab? I meant stop putting yourself down when it is so blatantly untrue. The Newton Geiszler I know didn’t need to resort to false self-deprecation when the truth is obvious for anyone to see. This is frankly the worst kind of arrogance.”

Hermann shifted onto his side to face away from Newton, to give himself a moment to cool down if Newton didn’t begin to wheedle for forgiveness immediately and curl up against his back while whispering nonsense endearments like, don’t be like that, baby. Not that Hermann would ever admit to enjoying the pestering.

Instead, the bed shifted as Newt bounded from one side of Hermann to the other. He landed hard on his side and stared intently into Hermann’s eyes like he was trying to solve a puzzle. Hermann recoiled, his lips curled down in displeasure and he moved to shift the other way before Newt’s hand curled around his bicep to stop him. “Hold on a second, I’m a little mixed up here. Which part are you mad at me about, the part where I used to lie about how sexy I was in front of you because I was an insecure piece of shit who enjoyed riling you up, or the part where I thought we were over that now so I’ve started telling it like it is?”

“The part where you know very well which of us drew looks around the Shatterdome and it wasn’t me. If it wasn’t for your obnoxious mouth, I have no doubt you would have had suitors lining up outside our lab,” Hermann groused but softened at the confusion on Newt’s face and sighed. “It’s very kind of you to compliment me like that, Newton. Lord knows, I should simply shut up and enjoy it when you make an effort like that, but I think we both know what we have is more… cerebral. There are few minds that can keep up with yours, or with your nonsense, and that allows you to overlook the fact I’m certainly no catch. As you so generously pointed out, my personality forbids others from getting close, my leg means most either try to ignore me for their own comfort or treat me as if I were made of glass, and even besides that I look as skeletal and undernourished as I have since I was a youth. I simply can’t keep the weight on, let alone muscle. Even without my leg I never would have advanced in the Jaeger Academy for that alone.”

“Wow, that’s…” Newton squinted at Hermann, then did the little head tilt Hermann was familiar with when Newt had decided to try a different avenue of experimentation. “Ok, so what do you think of me? Like, my body? You’ve never really brought it up before and actually I’m realizing that’s kinda weird because you’ve brought up literally every other flaw I have under the sun before today.”

Hermann blushed and couldn’t prevent it. It was easier to look away and he trailed his finger tips down the sheet as he eyed Newton’s tattoos, which he would rather be touching. But no, they were supposed to be having a tiff. “Oh, very well, I’ll play along. It’s not as if it’s a secret that I find you attractive, our activities here should be testament to that, nor that I have for many years. I had to wank off twice before I was in a fit state to leave my room the day I received your polaroid, though I’m sure you saw all that in the Drift.”

Newt made a strangled noise and Hermann glanced up to find him wide-eyed. “No?”

“Nope!” Newt squeaked. His cheeks were pink to match Hermann’s own and that was a boost of confidence enough to keep him going with a secret smile to himself. Fine, he hadn’t given away all his darkest secrets in the Drift, but it was damned inconvenient to have to put words to what should have been the obvious and heretofore very inappropriate fact of his attraction to his lab partner.

“What else is there to say?” Hermann said and shifted in discomfort. “You might as well have been constructed in a lab to vex me personally. Your eyes, your hair, the way you bite your lip on those rare occasions when you stop yourself from speaking, your… your body, it’s…” he coughed, “very attractive.”

“Well, you’d be the fucking first to think so,” Newt muttered under his breath. “Ok, so we’re gonna have to revisit the jerking off to my picture thing, but I gotta ask, in the spirit of scientific inquiry: what the fuck? Why? Assuming you’re not just messing with me, I’d like to hear more about this very attractive thing. Not just for the ego stroke. I’ll take the ego stroke, I’ll take any kind of stroke you wanna give me in about fifteen more minutes, heh, but I gotta admit, dude, this is a little… new for me?”

Any other time, Hermann might have scoffed and rolled his eyes at Newton’s blatant fishing for praise. But there was a hesitance to his words, a puppy-like inquisitiveness in the way he looked up at Hermann’s face. There was no hint of the usual bravado.

Hermann exhaled and allowed his hand to drift over the curve of Newton’s soft stomach, tracing it so he felt the goosebumps pebble on Newton’s skin, obscured by the colorful tattoos. It was soothing to touch and helped calm his nerves enough to speak frankly. “You must understand, this has been a—a closely guarded part of me, I daresay a secret, for so long I’m not even sure I have the words for it. I find your body desirable. My own… has betrayed me again and again. Even before my leg, my father used me as an example to torment my siblings. I’ve always been bony like this, but he saw skinniness as a virtue, as if it were in any way intentional. I know you’re an only child so you perhaps don’t understand the experience of being pitted in competition with your siblings against your will, but I had very few friends. They were all I had and yet everything about me, my intellect, my accomplishments, and as I said my body were used to put distance between us in order to serve as some sort of motivation for their perceived success. But there’s nothing special  in what I am. Even without my leg I’ve never found my appearance terribly attractive. But yours…” 

Hermann shrugged. “You’re beautiful. Unselfconscious, healthy… there, you see? There’s barely a vocabulary in our language that doesn’t sound like backhanded compliments. I find you desirable. I find your arms and your stomach and your legs all the more so for your weight, the way others have been socialized to admire musculature that can only be achieved by a degree of exercise so obsessive it borders on self-harm, or the leanness that comes with self-starvation. I’ve always thought it was as natural as any other attraction, only to be mocked for my tastes whenever I dared express them, or be told that I was acting on a lack of options when nothing could not be further from the truth. When I saw your photo, I was taken aback by how instantaneous the attraction was. I already knew your mind, your personality, and then I discovered you were also handsome and sexually attractive to me as well. It was a deadly combination. By the time I saw you in person, I was so convinced you couldn’t desire me in return, the way I wanted so terribly, that I assumed your flirtations couldn’t be anything but mockery. You of course know the rest.”

“Yeah…” Newt trailed off at the memory of that disastrous first meeting, then grinned. “So, you dig the chub?”

Hermann huffed a sigh and rolled his eyes. “If you must put it in such terms, yes.”

“So is it like a feeding thing or a bursting out of clothes thing…? Don’t look at me like that, man, I’ve been on the internet.”

Hermann hadn’t thought he could blush any harder but he was proven wrong. “No! Not… not necessarily. I know what you mean, I… I won’t say I’m not aware of that subculture, or haven’t found some of their erotica titillating, would you stop snickering?”

“I’m sorry!” Newt gasped. “I should have asked you about porn before, oh my god, if you could see your face right now!”

“I’m trying to answer your question on what is a very difficult subject for me, Newton. Would you do me the courtesy of not mocking me for doing so the way everyone else has?”

Newton’s teeth clicked shut and his eyes widened. He then nodded for Hermann to go on.

Yet Hermann found himself at a loss. “Well, but as I said, it’s merely erotica. Fantasy. I would never encourage a partner to engage in dangerous behavior for my gratification, nor would I want to humiliate them the way much of that art does. I find the very idea abhorrent. But I can’t change what I find attractive and I confess, Newton, it never occurred to me that you were declaring anything but simple truth when you called yourself a stud or a rockstar just to infuriate me.” He offered a weak smile at the last and though he knew Newton, as intimately as it was possible to know another person, a part of him still clenched in anticipation of the inevitable rejection and mockery for baring himself so.

Newt hummed thoughtfully. “I guess that makes me a lucky sonofabitch then, huh?”

Hermann blinked. “That’s it? You don’t mind?”

“Yeah, I totally mind that your particular bone means I’m a sex god to you, it’s a real tragedy. I dunno, it may take some getting used to, the idea I mean, but it’s kinda like hitting the jackpot would take getting used to. You’re not going to turn around and tell me to drop the junk food or start training with the Jaeger pilots one of these days like some of my other, uh, past experiences that didn’t end so great.”

“I might if I feared for your health,” Hermann shrugged. “But for pure aesthetics? No.” He forced himself not to fidget. He still felt utterly exposed to be speaking this frankly.

“Score. ‘Cause I’ve tried, man, none of this is gonna change even if I put myself through hell. I’m just built like this. Which I guess isn’t a problem for you,” Newt added thoughtfully. “Ok, so now that you’ve got that out, will you maybe consider that I also think you’re hot as fuck too?”

“It’s a relationship, Newton, compliments don’t need to be transactional,” Hermann scoffed.

“Oh my god, I can’t believe you sometimes. I’m not lying, Hermann! You’re hot! I’m into you, maybe it’s the other side of the whole thing you’ve got in your head, but you’re tall and elegant and… fucking lithe, like I need 19th century poetry to describe you. You’ve got the weirdest mouth I’ve ever seen and I’m so hot for it, like I felt funny just looking at you frowning up at your chalkboard some days. When you smile, your whole face transforms, and I could drown in your eyes if you’re not wearing those stupid granny glasses, and… mmmph!”

Hermann pulled away from kissing Newt to frown at him. “I think we’ve had quite enough of that.”

“You’re blushing! You really can’t handle compliments, huh?”

“Perhaps I’d rather save them up, instead of exhausting you on them all at once,” Hermann said and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, don’t worry, babe, I’m nowhere near exhausted.” Newt grinned.