#literally they are the fuckin heart of the game if you hate ashley you miss the ENTIRE POINT

[doomednarrative]

After getting to chapter 4 of RE4 last night I have decided that if you don't like Ashley, think she's annoying or think that Leon doesn't care about her as an actual person and only sees her as a mission and not someone he genuinely wants to help then I don't trust you nor do I think your opinions on the game are valid.

[tablefourtwo]

just another player in your drinking games (r.t)

summary based on the song drinking games by silver sphere. she hated how easily richie could act like he didn’t care, she hated how he discarded all his feelings once he was sober again, she hated how she was just another player in his drinking games.

 warnings drinking, swearing

richie tozier was on her bed, buried in her blankets at three in the morning. if it was any other day, this would've made (Y/N)’s heart flutter, but she didn't have time to acknowledge her heart as she had to rush to the boys side every minute, trying to mend his broken heart. 

could it even be called a broken heart? jesus, they dated for what? two months? (Y/N) was positive that she would rather be anywhere else right now. obviously, she would never say this to his face. she couldn't help but feel anger rise in her body. she's been chasing the curly headed boy for literal years now and he settles for ashley-fuckin-martin?

she shuts her eyes for a moment, trying to cool down before having to comfort richie again. in his defence, at least he wasn't throwing a fit anymore, (Y/N) would be in deep shit if he woke her parents up.

(Y/N) stopped listening to what the boy was saying but through the words she managed to string together, most of them being curses, she knew she had to say something. “you know what?” she started, turning to lock eyes with tozier. cutting him off when he was going off about how he did something wrong. 

“fuck ashley, you didn't do shit, you don’t deserve this.” she hissed, “don’t beat yourself up over this. you- you don’t deserve this.” (Y/N) sighed, watching as richie’s tears slowly decreased.

“this sucks, really fucking bad, but you make it alright.” richie smiled softly, speaking in a voice just above a whisper. it was meant to be a friendly thank you, he would've done the same to eds or stanley. thats what (Y/N) told herself, but as he looked up at her, glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose, she found it hard to think of a smart remark to make like she usually did.

“yeah, don’t worry about it, rich.” (Y/N) laughed, hoping that he wouldn't notice how her heart was beating a million miles a minute. 

fuck, she needed to stop getting attached to every little thing he says.

when (Y/N) offered to do anything to make richie feel better, she didn't think that attending a party was anything close to what he would suggest, this was alright though, she told herself. 

(Y/N) smiled, tozier was right. she watched as he laughed with his friends, red plastic cup in hand, to her, he was literally glowing. like he wasn’t just crying in her arms. why did she chase after him? why did she torture herself like this? every time she looked at him she was reminded of what she couldn't have. why did she waste so much time when she knew he wouldn't be hers?

as people started filling out of the house, (Y/N) had started to sober up. richie hadn't talked to her the whole party - except for their game of beer pong - so she didn't really have a reason to stay, but what else was there to do in derry?

“(Y/N)?” richie slurred, coughing into his sleeve, squinting behind his glasses. (Y/N) beamed as the boy slowly walked up to her. “what’re you still doing here?” he swallowed. 

“i was actually just talking to connor, you know, the one from bio? he said i have pretty eyes.” (Y/N) giggled, eyebrows raised. richie took a second to process what she had just said before contouring his face into one of disgust. “connor? ugh.” richie exclaimed, his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he pretended to gag.

(Y/N) thought it would be easier to just play along, laughing before an awkward silence washed over the both of them. “walk me home?” richie shrugged, “sure.” (Y/N) didn't miss how he carelessly agreed, how if there was a better option, she’d be thrown aside. he didn't care if she got home safe. no, of course he cared, as a friend.

(Y/N) had to slow down her usual fast paced steps to keep up with richie’s slow treading. sure, richie was drunk, but it didn't take a genius to realise that (Y/N) was staring at him. he felt as if she was burning holes into the side of his face. 

it wasn't like she could help it. once every few minutes, she’d find herself imposing all her attention onto richie. how the dim moonlight illuminated his face, how she had to dig her nails into her palms to keep herself from combing her fingers through his soft looking curls.

every time (Y/N) turned to look at richie, she hoped that he would look back at her. he never did. she had to hide her growing frown as the pair approached her house. 

(Y/N) stood on her porch so she was closer to eye level with richie now. she was thankful that he thought she was drunk so that she didn’t have to hide her blush like she usually did. 

“thanks again for tonight, (Y/N/N),” richie smiled, hiccuping. “and yesterday.” he mumbled. “it’s cool, just don’t almost punch my wall down again next time you come over.” she joked. 

the two continued to stare at each other for a while, richie, probably drunk out of his mind and not knowing what was going on–– but (Y/N)’s gaze was out of pure admiration. love.

when would be a better time to do this? kiss the boy, (Y/N)! the worse thing that could happen is he doesn't remember it. this is it, this is the only chance you’re gonna get. 

(Y/N)’s thoughts ran wild so to ease them she shut her eyes and leaned in. richie’s eyebrows knotted together and he didn't shut his eyes, when (Y/N) realised that she instantly pulled away. 

“we’re drunk.” he murmurs, very much sober now, trying to blink himself awake.

“yeah, yeah, no, duh.” (Y/N) starts blinking rapidly, tears quickly forming in her eyes.

richie nodded hesitantly, “(Y/N), are you alright?” he frowns, a string of curse words leaving his mouth as tears start running down her face.

“peachy, tozier. really, my parents are gonna kill me if they catch us out here, i’m gonna go.” (Y/N) laughs through the tears.

“once we’re sober, we should just— forget!” (Y/N) hears richie before opening the door to her house. it was probably meant to sound comforting and she lets out a genuine laugh at that.

(Y/N) hadn’t talked to richie in a week, this had been the longest the pair had gone without seeing each other so when her home phone rang she quickly picked up, instantly forgetting about the events that had occurred just a few days ago.

“(Y/N).” richie’s bright voice sounded in her ears.

“rich.” she smiled sadly, fiddling with the phone chord in her fingers.

“look (Y/N/N). i have to make this quick but- about what happened-” he stuttered.

“don’t worry about that, it was a mistake, i was- super drunk.” (Y/N) lied, she heard a sigh of relief.

“thank fuck, (Y/N). i was so scared that it would screw up our friendship.”

(Y/N) smiled, but she thought that if richie focused hard enough, he would be able to hear (Y/N)’s heart breaking through the phone.

“yeah.”

“i care but- it was a mistake.” richie laughed. (Y/N) hummed in response as she shut her eyes. tears flowing down her face now.

“Uh- ashley apologised and, and it was really real you know? it felt sincere and shit.”

(Y/N) lowered the phone from her face before letting out a laugh. she raised the phone back to her face and had to purse her lips so that he wouldn’t hear her sobs. “that’s good, Rich.”

“okay. well, i gotta go but hang soon, alright? and i can’t tell you about how happy i am that we’re still cool. you’re the best, (Y/N/N).”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #321

i’m exploring the deepest recesses of tumblr to unearth super old surveys, so you can expect an onslaught of ‘em.

When someone is tailgating you, do you drive faster or slower? I drive the same speed, even though it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? My sister's place. Have you ever been snorkeling? No. Do most of your relatives live in the same state/province as you? No; only my parents and immediate sisters live here. Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Is there a food you hate that everyone else seems to like? Especially where I live, fried chicken. It's disgusting. Have you ever had to evacuate from a natural disaster? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Numerous, actually. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have a driver's license, never mind anything else. What job does you significant other have? I’m single. When you were in elementary school, what was a typical afternoon like once you got home from school? I did my homework right away; well, after having a snack. After that, I was most likely on the computer playing Neopets or Webkinz, or something on the PlayStation. Is your favorite movie part of a series? Yes. Have you ever played in a water puddle? Sure, as a kid. I loved that. Have you ever played in a mud puddle? I don't think so. Have you ever kissed someone (outside) in the rain? Yes. He did it purely to be romantic, lol. Have you ever lost control of your car in the rain? No, thank fuck. Have you ever had to attend summer school? No. Have you ever experienced a summer where the temperature exceeded 120'F/49'C? Yikes, no, not that high. The highest we usually get is below 110. Do you live in a hot or cold (normally) climate? Hot. It sucks. Has your community ever had a “smog alert”? No. Have you ever raked leaves, and then played in them? Oh, absolutely as a kid. Dad would rake a pile just for us kids. Have they ever cancelled school because it was too hot? At least once, yes. Have you ever had to shovel snow? No. Have you ever experienced “cat’s breath”, where the wind was so powerful it took your breath away, literally? Yep, especially when I visited Sara and we went on a walk. It was fucking outrageous. Safe to say I didn't last long on that walk. Has your/or have you been in a car that was stuck in a snowstorm? No. What does your MySpace profile look like? I haven't seen it since that site was still "a thing." I do remember, however, that it was COVERED in meerkats, haha. Pictures, facts, etc. And my page song was "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Beddingfield lmao. Do you like living in the country or city better? Country, 100%. I'm not a city gal by any means. Do you have a big backyard? No, it's very small. Not used to that at all. What is your favorite Adam Sandler movie? I don't know, he's in too many to choose lmao. What was the last thing that surprised you? Apparently a rocket crashed today after launch. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? No. I... didn't even know those existed lmao I feel dumb. Who was the last person that said something that warmed your heart? I'm not sure, but I'm quite certain my niece or nephew would be involved there, haha. What is your favorite park? I don't have one. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Do you believe anyone is asexual? ???????????? Yes???????????? Were you abused? No. Have you ever missed a deadline? Yeah. Can you tell Mary-Kate and Ashley apart in pictures? I haven't seen them in an eternity, idk. Describe your fondest memory: I don't really want to... but I'll entertain the question. It's hard to choose, and they just about all include Jason. I think what I hold closest though was our dance to "Stairway to Heaven" after prom in the headlights of his car in my front yard. It's something that physically hurts to remember. What song makes you cry every time you hear it? Let's set aside my "trigger songs" for this. "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade does it very easily. How often do you break your promises? I almost never do. I don't bullshit around with promises. I've only ever broken ones I'd forgotten I'd made, if my memory serves me right. How long do you take in the shower, on average? Not even 10 minutes. Do you have your MySpace/Facebook profile set to a "friends only" setting? Yes. Did your last kiss mean anything? Why or why not? Of course it did. I care very, very deeply for her. Are your summers usually boring and relaxing, or busy and interesting? "Summers are hot and miserable." <<<< mood Tell me a crazy thing you did as a child. I don't really think I did anything "crazy" as a child, just weird. Like pretending to be a father penguin arranging rocks to mock a nest. I was fuckin weird. How many best friends do you have? One. When you’re upset, who do you wanna talk to the most? Either Sara, Mom, or nobody. Opinion on Daughtry? They're nice. "No Surprise" is positively beautiful. Do you like country music? Noooooo. What’s been the most awkward situation you've been in? Okay, possible TMI. Basically, Jason's parents arrived home way, way earlier than they were supposed to and my panicky ass couldn't find my clothes quickly, and when I finally did, I had to dress as quickly as possible in his tiny-ass closet while he distracted his mom and dad lmfao. I'ma just say it was a very close call to me melting into a mortified puddle. I look back on it and laugh now, but the absolute, throbbing fear I felt was NOT funny back then lmfao. Don’t you love that feeling when you look at someone and you just melt? <3 That is genuinely one of the best feelings in the entire world. Do you prefer male or female singers? I have no preference. So what are you planning for this summer? Nothing, really... Who knows where the Covid situation will be then. What’s a good book? In general for absolutely anyone, Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. It is a book about pacifism that is so very deep and emotional. For women, I highly recommend The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. As a woman myself, the concept of the book is terrifying, to be reduced to reproduction machines without rights, so it's something you can really feel as a female. It's a book that definitely makes you want to fight for women's rights. Is it awkward for you when your parents talk to you about boys etc… No. I'm a grown woman. Now if she asked about my sex life (if I had one), I'd feel a bit weird, but not very. Do you like it when guys play with your hair? Yeah. Ever cried when you had to say goodbye to someone? Well of course. Over multiple people. Have your parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Have you ever dreamt of someone you barely know? Indeed. Do you have a blood donor’s card? Yep. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? I had to before surgery. Has anyone seen you naked in the last week? No. What kind of doctor did you go to the last time you went? It was via phone, but I talked with my psychiatrist a few days ago. Does your ex still think about you? I'm sure Sara and Girt do, as they're my good friends, but idk if either think of me romantically. I would hope Jason at least remembers me with some degree of care in his heart... As for Juan, Aaron, and Tyler, idk if they do and I don't really care. What has been bothering you a lot lately? My weight. Are you trustworthy? I think so, yes. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? Yeah, but it definitely depends on the situation. Which literary character would you dress up as, if you had to choose one? Speaking of The Handmaid's Tale, for Halloween one year, I really, really want to take some cool photos of me dressed as a handmaid with a (obviously fake) blood splatter over my stomach. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? Being born with the mom I have, probably. I have no idea. None. Of where I'd be without her. Do you miss college? Sigh, sometimes... but I'm not going back. No chance. Dropping out three times due to my mental state hints at a clear pattern. Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? Yeah, accidentally. Except with my physical science teacher in HS that eventually became my "other mom" and most recently our landlord, even. I call her "Mama" sometimes. What was the name of your first imaginary friend? It was a wolf whose name I don't remember. What color was your nursery when you were a baby? No clue. What is your favorite arcade game? I desperately wanna go to a location that has Silent Hill: The Arcade. :/ That's on my bucket list. It's very rare. Are you allergic to grass? No. Do you remember to water plants? I don’t have any plants to water. What is your favorite fall drink? I don't drink any "fall" drinks. Favorite winter drink? Hot chocolate! Favorite spring drink? There are "spring" drinks? Favorite summer drink? Gimme a nice, cold margarita. Name three creative people you know. Sara, Tez, and Mini are some of the most creative people I've ever written with. Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. Mark in like a million different ways, I look up greatly to Jeffree Star's work ethic (say what you will about him personally, but holy shit does mama WORK), and Emzotic for her incredible growth after trauma that's left her more confident than ever, and she's amazing with animals and just a darling overall. Does anyone know who your current crush is? Yeah, I'm pretty open about it. Have you ever been scammed? Not successfully, no. Which song describes your life? I relate to "Get Up" by Mother Mother a lot at this point in my life. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? Probably because I open up so slowly/am very secretive of myself when someone might be trying to get close. People have also criticized my laziness. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? YouTube. At least I think Tez was the last person I gave my number to. Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? Hunter, my neighbor growing up. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? My therapist. I had to leave group due to severe abdominal cramping. It was just my period, but he just wanted to check. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? Probably a soda back when I was still in school. Has anyone given you butterflies recently? Actually yeah; I had a memory of Sara that caused 'em to revisit me. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I'm going to exclude my puppy-dog crush (Dylan) and talk about my first "real" crush, Sebastian. I liked him because we had very similar interests, he was really friendly, nice, and funny, and he clearly trusted me a lot because he actually confided in me regarding the relationship he was in that was struggling and causing him a lot of pain. I thought he was attractive, too. Ngl, I wonder sometimes where we could have gone if he hadn't been dating the girl, because I'm 90% sure he was into me, too. In current times, he very recently got engaged! Super happy for him. Which parent do you identify with the most? My ma. What do you think you cook or bake the best? Scrambled eggs, I guess. That's just about all I CAN make, haha. My family likes 'em. I always use American cheese, salt, pepper, and a bit of hot sauce. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Admitting I RP. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why? Of actually important things, gay rights. If we're talkin' passionate about anything, then the answer's meerkats, duh. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why? A rival photographer that lives here. I absolutely hate admitting that, but yeah, I'm extremely envious of her. She gets way more traffic than I do by a long shot, even though I, from a completely modest and honest standpoint, genuinely think I do better work than her. It's just frustrating. All about who you know in this business. How old is the most expired item in your fridge? Supposedly our milk expired on the 1st, but it smells just fine? And mind you, I am very cautious with expiration dates, and I've found milk typically starts to smell bad a few days earlier than the date to me. This jug is an outlier. What are your favorite style of underwear? I'm a fat old lady that likes high-waisted underwear. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Maybe "The Ballad of Dwight Fry" by Alice Cooper. I could name tons, though. How about the sweetest song? Maybe "Easy to Love You" by Theory of a Deadman. Another song I struggle to listen to because it was one of mine and Jason's "songs." Do you know how to play dominoes? No. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now? Not in the least. Why or why not? I'm just wasting time. Doing nothing with true meaning, and I seem unable to get over this low point I'm in. How many bones have you broken? One. Well, I was told "fractured," but apparently that's the same thing as broken? Have you ever won anything? Big or small? Yeah, multiple things. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Animals like cats or dogs. Pets, basically. I would feel WAY too weird. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before? Yes. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try? If I'm embarrassed by it, why would I share it with whoever reads these? What is the most important memory you have and why? When I decided it was truly time to move on from Jason. Why that's my most important is obvious: it changed my mindset and life in general. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did? God, I hope Jason read my apology email I last sent him. I finally accepted I did wrong, too, and I want to know that he knows that. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My youngest niece's first birthday was mid-February. What’s a musical instrument you think sounds really beautiful? The violin. Do you play that instrument? I wish I could. Do you have a favorite type of pasta? (like a shape of noodles, not dish) Just spaghetti noodles, ig. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Who sent the last e-mail you got? My PHP therapist sent me the Zoom link to our group session. Do you have a favorite shape? Out of basic ones, circles. What’s the last song you bought/downloaded? I don't recall. Probably something by 3TEETH. Have you ever been on a trapeze? Hell nah. Do you buy chocolate after Valentine’s Day when it goes on sale? No. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I met a poet at the psych hospital once. I also have an old friend who had something published in a magazine, I think. Do you own a polaroid camera? No, but I'd love to to take more ~aesthetic~ photographs sometimes. What is something you think is underrated? Snakes! :( They're not scary or gross, nor do they in any way deserve to be killed. I wish the worth of snakes was seen much more clearly. They are spectacular, intriguing animals. Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? Once it hits like 65*F, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? I hope beyond hope that I have a job I enjoy. And that I'm driving again. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? I used to loooove video editing, but I've lost all motivation for it. Do you have any exercise equipment in your home? Somewhere we have this one stretchy thing that I have no idea what it's called, then there are two sets of small weights somewhere. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? New York. Farthest south? Florida. East? Well, ya can't go more east in NC unless you want to drive into the ocean... lol. West? Illinois. If you have/want children, will you raise them similar to the way you were raised? If I had kids, I would in some ways, but in a lot of other ways, no. Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? Nothing strange, no. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? I don't know. Not very high. Do you have an ebook reader? (iPad, Kindle, etc.) No. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? 2017, ig. What is the last random act of kindness you did? I guess you could consider a loving text to Sara a random act of kindness?