#littlestudydreamerog

[littlestudydreamer]

✧ as of Nov 1st 2022 ✧

Hello,

I have been inactive since summer and there has been a lot going on in my life. I am back into my studies, and I am halfway through my second fall semester. The first half was... chaotic, so I made this plan to guide me to at least finish my semester decently.

I took 4 classes this semester: ･ Social Research Methods ･ Sociology Theories ･ History of Islam and the Middle East ･ Fundamentals of Comics and Graphic Novels

Here are my plans according to subjects! <3

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Social Research Methods ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

I actually don't have a specific list for this class, my plan is to attend every class even if I'm late, submit all lab assignments, catch up with notes (if late) and the previous notes, and ace the finals.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Sociological Theories ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

My fav class so far! I enjoy the lectures and the readings, although I do miss out on certain reading reactions so it does pile up!

To-do list:

i. Response Essays Reaction to Reading 9-29 Reaction to Reading 10-6 Reaction to reading 10-13 Reaction to reading 10-27 Reaction to reading 11-3 !!

ii. Applied Paper - proposal !! - 1st draft - submission

iii. Reading Based Paper 2 - no information yet ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ History of Islam and the Middle East☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Readings:

Lapiddus, Chp1 

Lapiddus Chp 2

Lapiddus Chp 4 Arabia

Hattox - Taverns without Wine

Amira Bennison’s The Great Caliphs: The Golden Age of the Abbasid Empire

Douglas A. Howard’s A History of the Ottoman Empire.

Grades Checkpoint

Update Week 1 - 10 boards on Notion!

EXAM 2 - NEXT WEEK

REVIEW PAPER - n/a QUIZ 5 - n/a EXAM 3 -  n/a

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾Fundamentals of Comics and Graphic Novels☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙ I have only a final project going on and a book to finish sculpting - script - revised script for finals - draft - inking - lettering - scanning - book cover - book cover (back) - book cover (inside) - front page - table of contents - wordless comic redraw - read blankets - read making comics - read understanding comics That's all! Hopefully I can finish all of this and have a satisfying semester <3

[littlestudydreamer]

Unofficial reflection - 231221

Sincerely, by the one who is still not good with everything.

I am writing this document because I feel the urge to write. Therefore, the mostly-blank page looking back at me now seems a bit scary. To write this document, I unplugged my laptop from the projector and dock, putting it in the comfort of my lap, while I sat in front of my tree light in this room that is surrounded by darkness. I feel like the content that I am writing may be a bit personal and harsh to me, therefore I seek comfort in the lights shining from the tree.

How are you?

It’s the three words that everyone is familiar with. Some people may even hear it every day, but personally, I haven’t heard it much recently. If someone asked me this question, I probably answer it with a smile, and then recite some events that happened in my life that makes me okay and happy. Sometimes I may answer no, and describe the events that made me sad and unhappy. Right now, I am not okay. I am in a financial crisis, I have loads of debts, I have trouble sleeping at night and waking up in the morning, I have trouble completing tasks that should just take me less than an hour to complete, I have a lot of dirty clothes that I need to wash, and I need to clean my bedside table because it’s compiled with the remnants of moving-in stuff that also took me days to organize. I also have a pile of clean clothes that I need to fold and organize, as a matter of fact, I was in the middle of folding some when I decided to escape by scrolling on my phone, looking for something to get my mind on instead of focusing on my tasks.

What is wrong with me?

It is literally the question that I have been asking myself over and over again. I know it is bad to compare myself with others, yet I can’t help it. Whenever I see someone around my age or even younger than me excelling in their prospects, or even reaching their dreams, I feel envy. I have too many dreams, too many things to focus on that I am lost. I want to be a music producer, an artist, a student with flying colors grades, someone who works comfortably and does not depend on others financially, is it bad for me to hold so many dreams? Even now, I wish I can write the words more creatively but I just can’t. I do not know what to do. Or more specifically, I do not know how I can make myself do it. I want to study 5-6 hours per day minimum. I want to clean my spaces as soon as possible. I want to wake up early, go exercise and have a productive day, accomplish all my tasks for the day every single day. But it just never happen. I know that I should push myself harder and keep trying until I succeed. But I could never. I feel like I am trapped inside my own body.

The realization that I am a failure hits me hard. Who am I to even imagine myself standing on the top of the world when I never grow? Ever since I was young, I am nothing but an embarrassment to myself. I barely complete any of my personal projects, and I can barely complete a task by myself. When dealing with problems, I did not think of other ways to solve it. It is as if I cannot think at all. I wish I can walk inside my head, knocking on the door to my brain, cleaning the cobwebs that accumulated in my thoughts, and putting a lubricant in my critical thinking gears, before pushing it to work.

Until now, I have still yet to find a solution to my problem. All I can think right now is, “continue to work hard” and “let’s wish everything will be better soon.” I want to be stricter with myself. Therefore, from this day on, I hope I can be more disciplined and stick to my healthy habits and routines while throwing my bad habits away in the trash. One day I may return to this document, as a successful and accomplished Hanna, who may even sit on top of the world, but for now, I just need to focus on solving the problems at hand.

P/S: I just noticed this because of the date I need to type in for the title, but happy 18th anniversary TVXQ!