#littlestudydreamer

[littlestudydreamer]

my love mine all mine by mitski -- my interpretation

I am inspired to make this mainly because of the sole reason that this song has resonated too much with my feelings, yet when I look up the meaning and other people interpretation of this song online, it is completely different from what I thought it meant.

Someone said that the beauty of this song is specifically because it can be interpreted multiple ways, in which personal to the listener. Personally, I do think that the person who said this may thought of the song in a similar way that I do, but trying to cover it up (jk). But nevertheless, let's get into this song that managed to pinch my heart in pieces.

Moon, a hole of light Through the big top tent up high Here before and after me Shinin' down on me

One thing I love of Mitski of how some of her lyrics are just straight up statements (I'm referring to the line "Venus, planet of Love, was destroyed by global warming" in the song Nobody). As for this verse, I like the phrase "here before and after me" as the moon has always been there, observing, witnessing our life story like it is some kind of soap opera for her. Yet, it gives us the sense of familiarity, as the moon has always been there, whenever we look at the clear night sky, no matter what age we are.

Moon, tell me if I could Send up my heart to you? So, when I die, which I must do Could it shine down here with you?

This part is probably resonated the most for me. I have this part repeating in my mind like a loop. Especially the last two part, but that is also probably because I lowkey may still be suicidal. But after death, there is never a definite answer on what we became, and or what is next for us. After all, a dead person can't come back to life and tell us what is next in the chapter. The journey of life is linear. But if I can choose, I would sacrifice my heart to be a part of the moon too after I die. At least in the midst of confusion and unknown stage after death, I can have a familiar entity around me.

'Cause my love is mine, all mine I love mine, mine, mine Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love mine, all mine, all mine

See, this part is the part that got me writing all this mess. I view this as the love that was given out, the love that all this time was thought to be received or reciprocated, or mutual, was indeed hers all this time, as the other person did not reciprocate or receive it. All of the love that was given out was indeed all hers and hers only, she thought it was shared, but nope it was hers, which is why she said "nothing in the world belongs to me" and that include her person. The only thing that was hers is her love, that was originated from herself.

My baby, here on earth Showed me what my heart was worth So, when it comes to be my turn Could you shine it down here for her?

See, technically this part would disprove my points. But speaking from a personal experience, I would still love the person even if it was reciprocated. After all, if I can easily control my feelings, I would not be in love with that person in the first place.

As for the line "showed me what my heart was worth" I personally interpret that as showing the heart capability of loving and caring from someone.

'Cause my love is mine, all mine I love mine, mine, mine Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love mine, all mine Nothing in the world is mine for free But my love mine, all mine, all mine

This is basically and mostly just the chorus, but the added lyrics at the end also got me realizing, there is indeed nothing in the world that is mine for free :( not even the person that I have loved unconditionally for.

Nah one of the reason why I view this song so pessimistically is because I got my heart broken at the height of time where I was obsessed with this song <\3

[venetianwindow]

✨ Cinnamon apple 🍊 citrus 🍑 peach ✨

Cinnamon apple answered here!

Citrus: Do you prefer to sit at the front or back of the room during lectures?

Front! The Zoom equivalent would be with my camera on, though I've slacked off a bit currently and don't always do that haha.

Peach: Favorite study snack?

I love biscuits or cereal bars. Mars or Twix if I really need an energy boost.

☞ Academia tea asks

[littlestudydreamer]

About:

Hanna

Xe/xem | They/them

Malaysia & USA

Hobbies and Schooling:

I’m majoring in Sociology (BA), minor in Asian Studies, Comics and Graphic Novels, and Korean ^^

I’m learning Chinese and Korean

I read comics everyday

I love Howl Moving Castle, my current go-to anime is Jujutsu Kaisen

I may have a thing for cameras and music

Goals:

Meet new people

Gain friends

Make studying a constant and active routine

Improve my study method

Gain resources

Be productive

Studyblr that inspires me:

@fivestarstudying @thomastudies @apricitystudies @blueplaidstudies @tbhstudying @studydiaryofamedstudent @studislp

inspired by: @zofijastudies <3

[littlestudydreamer]

Day 4 of 100 Days of Productivity

woops, talk about being consistent. Anyways I don't know where to start comsidering I almost didn't sleep last night, filming scenes for my theatre assignment (Yes the pic above). So Day 4 is pretty calm and chill, involves a lot of sleeping. Productive parts? I completed one assignment, did part of my theatre assignment, learn a bit of mandarin, and attended a career workshop. I'd say I'm pretty proud of today, I have a lot of my works done and I got a lot of rest! :)

Also, my SAT is in 10 days. Yelp :/

sos if u see this, im actually in day 5 and i have done nothing except attend one class. please send help, its already evening now.

[littlestudydreamer]

✧ as of Nov 1st 2022 ✧

Hello,

I have been inactive since summer and there has been a lot going on in my life. I am back into my studies, and I am halfway through my second fall semester. The first half was... chaotic, so I made this plan to guide me to at least finish my semester decently.

I took 4 classes this semester: ･ Social Research Methods ･ Sociology Theories ･ History of Islam and the Middle East ･ Fundamentals of Comics and Graphic Novels

Here are my plans according to subjects! <3

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Social Research Methods ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

I actually don't have a specific list for this class, my plan is to attend every class even if I'm late, submit all lab assignments, catch up with notes (if late) and the previous notes, and ace the finals.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ Sociological Theories ☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

My fav class so far! I enjoy the lectures and the readings, although I do miss out on certain reading reactions so it does pile up!

To-do list:

i. Response Essays Reaction to Reading 9-29 Reaction to Reading 10-6 Reaction to reading 10-13 Reaction to reading 10-27 Reaction to reading 11-3 !!

ii. Applied Paper - proposal !! - 1st draft - submission

iii. Reading Based Paper 2 - no information yet ‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾ History of Islam and the Middle East☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Readings:

Lapiddus, Chp1 

Lapiddus Chp 2

Lapiddus Chp 4 Arabia

Hattox - Taverns without Wine

Amira Bennison’s The Great Caliphs: The Golden Age of the Abbasid Empire

Douglas A. Howard’s A History of the Ottoman Empire.

Grades Checkpoint

Update Week 1 - 10 boards on Notion!

EXAM 2 - NEXT WEEK

REVIEW PAPER - n/a QUIZ 5 - n/a EXAM 3 -  n/a

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾Fundamentals of Comics and Graphic Novels☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙ I have only a final project going on and a book to finish sculpting - script - revised script for finals - draft - inking - lettering - scanning - book cover - book cover (back) - book cover (inside) - front page - table of contents - wordless comic redraw - read blankets - read making comics - read understanding comics That's all! Hopefully I can finish all of this and have a satisfying semester <3

[littlestudydreamer]

Unofficial reflection - 231221

Sincerely, by the one who is still not good with everything.

I am writing this document because I feel the urge to write. Therefore, the mostly-blank page looking back at me now seems a bit scary. To write this document, I unplugged my laptop from the projector and dock, putting it in the comfort of my lap, while I sat in front of my tree light in this room that is surrounded by darkness. I feel like the content that I am writing may be a bit personal and harsh to me, therefore I seek comfort in the lights shining from the tree.

How are you?

It’s the three words that everyone is familiar with. Some people may even hear it every day, but personally, I haven’t heard it much recently. If someone asked me this question, I probably answer it with a smile, and then recite some events that happened in my life that makes me okay and happy. Sometimes I may answer no, and describe the events that made me sad and unhappy. Right now, I am not okay. I am in a financial crisis, I have loads of debts, I have trouble sleeping at night and waking up in the morning, I have trouble completing tasks that should just take me less than an hour to complete, I have a lot of dirty clothes that I need to wash, and I need to clean my bedside table because it’s compiled with the remnants of moving-in stuff that also took me days to organize. I also have a pile of clean clothes that I need to fold and organize, as a matter of fact, I was in the middle of folding some when I decided to escape by scrolling on my phone, looking for something to get my mind on instead of focusing on my tasks.

What is wrong with me?

It is literally the question that I have been asking myself over and over again. I know it is bad to compare myself with others, yet I can’t help it. Whenever I see someone around my age or even younger than me excelling in their prospects, or even reaching their dreams, I feel envy. I have too many dreams, too many things to focus on that I am lost. I want to be a music producer, an artist, a student with flying colors grades, someone who works comfortably and does not depend on others financially, is it bad for me to hold so many dreams? Even now, I wish I can write the words more creatively but I just can’t. I do not know what to do. Or more specifically, I do not know how I can make myself do it. I want to study 5-6 hours per day minimum. I want to clean my spaces as soon as possible. I want to wake up early, go exercise and have a productive day, accomplish all my tasks for the day every single day. But it just never happen. I know that I should push myself harder and keep trying until I succeed. But I could never. I feel like I am trapped inside my own body.

The realization that I am a failure hits me hard. Who am I to even imagine myself standing on the top of the world when I never grow? Ever since I was young, I am nothing but an embarrassment to myself. I barely complete any of my personal projects, and I can barely complete a task by myself. When dealing with problems, I did not think of other ways to solve it. It is as if I cannot think at all. I wish I can walk inside my head, knocking on the door to my brain, cleaning the cobwebs that accumulated in my thoughts, and putting a lubricant in my critical thinking gears, before pushing it to work.

Until now, I have still yet to find a solution to my problem. All I can think right now is, “continue to work hard” and “let’s wish everything will be better soon.” I want to be stricter with myself. Therefore, from this day on, I hope I can be more disciplined and stick to my healthy habits and routines while throwing my bad habits away in the trash. One day I may return to this document, as a successful and accomplished Hanna, who may even sit on top of the world, but for now, I just need to focus on solving the problems at hand.

P/S: I just noticed this because of the date I need to type in for the title, but happy 18th anniversary TVXQ!

[venetianwindow]

As 2021 draws to a close, I'd like to say a massive thank you to everyone who's supported my blog in the past year. It hasn't been an easy year for me and a lot has happened in my life - a good portion of which I'm still coming to terms with. There have been drastic changes, irrevocable or not, and they've all left a mark on how I live.

Despite the difficulties though, I'm incredibly thankful for all the wonderful things that have brought me joy when I needed it and kept me going. Thanks to all the lovely mutuals and friends I've met from running this blog - you're all incredible people and I love y'all a whole lot. (Tagging some of you under the cut. ♥️) And to all those who regularly interact with my posts (you know who you are!), I see you all in my notifications and recognise you - thank you for all your love, it truly means a lot. :) I hope everyone has a lovely New Year's Eve, and here's to a better 2022. 🌻

@study-van @a-students-lifebuoy @museeofmoon @jeonchemstudy @huitingreads @littlestudydreamer @robinslivingroom @rabbitstudy @peachblossomstudy @ancientmariner13 much love guys x :) 💟🌷

[venetianwindow]

Hey, can you recommend some (unknown) tumblr/insta or YouTube like yours? (or your friends?)

Hi Anon! I'm not sure what you would define as 'unknown', so I hope this is a satisfactory answer.

Some lovely people from Tumblr (check out their IG/YouTube also!):

@archthena // @voyagenotes // @littlestudydreamer // @ancientmariner13

And from Instagram:

studiessouls // ruslitpower // sleeplessstudy // jemimastudies

[venetianwindow]

Thank you guys SO much for 1k!! 💜💜💜

It’s unreal that there’s now a thousand of you following this account, and I am truly appreciative for every single person who does. Your support means a lot to me. 🌸

The past nine months or so of being on Studyblr has been a wonderful experience - I’ve met countless lovely people and learned a lot about myself as I continued to develop this blog. Seriously, thanks for everything, I hope I can bring you guys more motivation and inspiration in the future!

An extra thank you to these lovely folks for making my Studyblr experience especially sweet so far - you’re all amazing and I love all of you 🥰: @study-van @jeonchemstudy @museeofmoon @robinslivingroom @littlestudydreamer