#lmk if yall want me to tag the cws down here bc im drawing a blank

[jax-is-rattled]

Like A Death In The Hall

Wrote this as a fic bc I'm trying to hype myself up for posting more fics. And it gives me practice for writing Copia and the band ghouls interacting with bw bc I'm a cringe ass nae nae baby and I'm mushing them together like a kid playing with dolls. ANYWAY THIS BITCH IS GONNA BE ROUGH SO BUCKLE UP. AND READ THE WARNINGS.

CW// forced "medical procedure"?, suicidal ideation, self harm, body horror, very graphic depictions of said body horror, serious case of the ouchies, whole lotta hurt, self image issues, bws just not having a funky fresh day yall

Just be warned in general

Sister Imperator had told the skittish ghoul that she needed to tell him something very important. That it was about his job as the cardinals assistant. So she called him down to said cardinals office, pulling him from dinner where he sat at the opposite end of the table from the ghouls and into another chair in the dim office.

The other ghouls were still a bit skeptical of him and he was terrified of them. The wound of theirs was still open so they had the right to be angry and skeptical. Scared even. The three older ghouls had most of their other band mates stripped away from them, sent back to the pit or killed presumably, and were forced to adapt to new ghouls. And the current fire ghoul, Dew, wasn't even supposed to be a fire ghoul. Or so he's heard. So when they pulled August from a watery grave only to get a fire ghoul, the band was a bit nervous that Dews time was up as well. That he wasn't good enough to keep and needed replacing like the others.

He thought about it on the way down to the office. It had been almost a year, but he still didn't blame them, not one bit. But it would be nice to just sit down and explain to them that he was just an assistant, nothing more nothing less. They wouldn't have it though. Dew snapped and swung when he'd get too close or talk too loudly or did much with the others really. Mountain refused to acknowledge his existence, would talk around him if he had to talk in the general vicinity of him. The earth ghoul talked to the others perfectly fine, just not him. Aether was sweet, though. Checked up on him and all that jazz, but he seemed like he didn't want to get too close to him. He couldn't blame them but it did sting a bit. The others were kind to him, he vibed pretty well with the water ghoul, Rain. It was relieving that at least someone was ok with him existing in the wing.

He hadn't even realized he was standing infront of the door to the office until someone opened it for him, snapping him out of his thoughts and back to where he was. He shuffled into the musty office, not exactly expecting to see Dew sitting in the chair next to where Sister Imperator was pointing for him to sit. He was wondering why he hadn't seen the ghoul staring daggers into his forehead at the table earlier. Guess this answered his question. The door closed behind him. The way Sistor was looking at him had his hair standing on end. The Cardinal waved happily at him from where he stood next to Sister, so he waved back just as happy, if not a bit confused, as he sat.

"The cardinal doesn't need a fire ghoul as an assistant-" Sister said, rather bluntly as she arranged papers on the desk. August could practically feel his heart fall out his ass at that. "Cool, so why the fuck am I here?" Dew butted in with a huff of annoyance. "If you'd let me continue you'd know." Sister snapped back, "ahem, we don't need a fire ghoul burning important paperwork, but the Cardinal enjoys your company," August visibly relaxed at that.

"So we're changing your element."

He didn't quite understand what that entailed other than the obvious, but the way that Dew sucked all the air out of the room through his teeth and went pale as snow and the Cardinal looked like he had been shot, it wasn't a good thing. "Wh-what uh what are you changing him to, Sister?" The Cardinal sputtered out in a rush.

"Water."

He felt like he was going to puke.

His mind completely turned off. He heard Dew and the Cardinal argue for him but he didn't understand a word. He gleamed a loud 'was I not enough proof that this isn't a good idea?' and a 'he's harmless he can't even keep a flame!' but that was it before he was being dragged out of his chair by the old era ghouls that he hadn't even seen when he walked in. He was too shocked to fight back as he was pulled out the door and it was shut, closing him off from the conversation he didn't even get a word in.

He opened his mouth to plead to them to let him go as they dragged him down the halls, but nothing came out. So he thrashed. He kicked and twisted and snapped and bit but all it got him was a rush of quintessence dragging his mind into a pit of inky black as his body went slack.

He doesn't remember much of the ritual. Brief flashes of red and the smell of fire thay were quickly overtaken by deep indigos and violets. And the smell of lake water. Sharp and cold. The colors and smells were quickly drowned out by the searing pain that zapped through his body before he was out again.

When he woke up in his own room, he felt like he had been struck by lightning. Like someone had cracked him open and taken a hand mixer to all his insides. He felt like he was being rearranged from the inside out. And in all actuality? He was right. He was being rearranged from the inside out. On top of that he was ice cold. His teeth chattered as he tried to pull himself under the blankets he was unceremoniously dropped on. It felt like the hardest thing he's ever done with how little energy he had. He felt like he was dying.

After an hour of trying to warm himself under a blanket and failing, gasping and whimpering through the pain, he remembered the bathroom he had connected to his room through his haze of pain. A searing hot bath felt like the only lifeline he had left. There was a sharp throb under his horns and he practically threw himself off the bed, getting tired and angry over the pain and the cold. As soon as his feet hit the floor he felt like was about to crumble like a kicked sandcastle as an even more intense pain wracked through him from the tip of his horns to the end of his tail. He wiped out his nightstand when he stumbled, gasping as he tried to steady himself on the wall. He continued his struggle to the bathroom as the room spun around him.

"Dying. I'm dying aren't I?" He thought to himself as he slammed the door open and collapsed to the floor. He wanted to die at this point. They should have just killed him and got a new ghoul. His mouth felt like he was chewing on bricks and glass. His teeth hurt. his horns felt like they were about to either fall off or explode. Were his hands always this pale? Fuck he was so cold. He pulled himself up by the edge of the sink. As soon as he saw himself in the mirror he felt like screaming. Crying. Anything to get the anguish out. His skin and the tips of his hair was pale as a sheet and his mouth was dripping with that pitch black blood that pumped through his veins. Those golden honey colored eyes swirled with ice blues. He doesn't know what the fuck was looking back at him in that mirror, but it wasn't him. That's not him. He isn't him anymore.

He wasn't the same fire ghoul the Cardinal loved and grew attached to.

The sharp throb in his horns from earlier came back ten fold, almost knocking him over. And his eyes landed on his horns. They looked weird against his hair and the splitting skin at the base.

Those aren't his anymore either.

They had to go.

He wrapped his hands around one of those beautiful golden horns that he loved so much. And he pulled. He pulled and pulled and when the horn finally snapped off in his hand, the wave of relief almost had him sobbing. But there was one more horn. He repeated with the second one, but it wouldn't budge. He thought about slamming his head onto the porcelain of the sink to break it, but before he could put it into action it finally gave way.

He managed to stumble from the sink to the side of the shower and crank the hot water on as high as it would go. It's the only way he'd take showers normally. He loved how hot the water could get in his room. But as soon as he slipped under the water, still in his clothes, he felt like he was being dissolved in acid. He screamed. That hot water felt like searing hot razors taking him apart down to his bones, flaying him open and laying him out. Skinning him alive. And when he opened his eyes he realized it was. His ash gray skin sloshed off him in thin sheets to reveal soft pale skin and fur. If this didn't kill him he was going to do it himself.

He just wanted to be warm again.

There was a knock on his door and Dews surprisingly quiet lilt drifted under the door but he couldn't understand it. He did the only thing he knew was left. His voice was rough and his throat was raw from screaming, but he managed to call out a single word.

"Help."