#local older turtle just wants to die but he is forced to survive with his guilt

[lil-gingerbread-queen]

F!Leo in every fic:

~

What if you wanted to join your family in death, but fanfic writers said "go back in time, old man"?

[popculturebuffet]

House of Mouse April Fools Special: Donald’s Pumbaa Prank (Patreon Review for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy people and welcome to my April Fool’s Special! And it’s also my patreon review for the month as Kev just so happened to randomly hit this one and once I realized it was an april fools episode I moved it up since things have been kinda hectic in the old brainpan lately, and as such my output slowed down a bit so I really wasn’t in great shape to do 4 episodes in one day. So instead see what hyjinks, fart jokes and murders of beloved disney characters insue under the cut as the hosue of mouse gets a bit foolish

The Wraparound:

It’s April Fools day at the House of Mouse and Donald pulls a prank on MIckey by cutting his break lines.. wait no that was last year. No this year he just puts some wax on the stage and MIckey trips, Donald laughs. Now if this were the real world this would be really dangerous and probably destroy their friendship and MIckey’s spine. But this is a cartoon that runs on cartoon physics. He was in no real danger. So Mickey’s retaliation on the other hand.. is just showing embarassing footage of Donald. It makes him come off as unecessarily cruel as instead of an actual prank or joke it’s just “Hey look at this embarassing footage of my friend I dug up”

This plot DOES get a lot bettter though after the setup: Pete talks Donald into kidnapping Pumba, planning to use Pumbas farts to clear out the club...

Yeah i’m not big on fart jokes. I’m not against them, when used right they can be comedy gold.. this song from bobs burgers is one such example

It’s just a lot of times farts and other bodily functions are used as the joke alone. That’s it. There’s no actual laughs or content too said laughs, i’ts jsut this is gross.  Thankfully this episode does not go really deep down the grossdout rabit hole, as we don’t see the fart on screen.. but it still dosen’t make “Pumbas’ ass gas is going to destroy the house of mouse” funny. 

There are some funny gags though: Donald’s method of distracting Timon so Pete can kidnap Pumbaa is to just stand there not saying anything and weirding Timon out , their replacement is just a bowling ball, two horns and a sack of something, and when Timon goes looking for Pumbaa, finds Zazu under a plate the hyena’s have.. and then just leaves him there. Seriously Timon just.. let’s Zazu die and I am here for it. 

Donald meanwhile thinks Mickey is planning another prank after mickey apologizes and has a special thing planned but it’s really jsut a lifetime achivment award, so Donald tries to stop it, then reveals the truth when Pumba shows up.. and gets his award taken away. Even though he had every reason to think Mickey was going to pull something because honest as he is i’ts april fools day. Mickey just... obnoxious in this one and it speaks to a larger problem with the series I remember from when I was a kid that i’ve noticed once or twice now: The show tends to have Squidward Syndrome, i.e. it treats Donald who can be obnoxious as wrong.. even when he’s done nothing wrong THIS EPISODE, like spongebob did to squidward at times, or if he has done something wrong his punishment is dispororitante. Donald did a minor prank.. and MIckey publicly humiliated him and Donald TREID to stop his prank. And goes above and behond to stop it, taking the fart attack at ground zero. Speaking of which the fart attack scene from parks and rec, also a good fart joke. 

And MIckey.. learns nothing by playing the test footage again even though Donald was just ground zero at an attomic level ass.

Final Thoughts for the Wraparound: It’s not great. I”m noticing that trend with Season 1 in general, where they really just didn’t have a ton of idea of what to do with the wraparounds. The episodes still vary in quality, but outside of the pilot most of the season 1 episodes are pretty disapointing as an adult, very simplistic plots that often don’t use the club’s nature to their full advantage or the characters to the same. It would get better though, but it’s something to notice. onto the shorts. 

The Friend for Life: This is a pretty simple one. Sam and Max, are after the mad Thesipian, whose exactly what he sounds like. We even get a really neat visual gag as sam just.. uses his little buddy as a sword while the Thespian uses a candelabra. But while our Freelance Police catch the weirdo, and Max takes a ride in the saftey tramp they set up for the guy, he escapes when the two are distracted by Norm, THE FRIEND FOR LIFEEEEEEEE. An obessive fanboy played by Patrick Mackenna of the Red Green Show, esentially playing an older and stalkery version of Harold.. now I think about it this might be his dad. I mean we don’t know where he went or what hapepend to the guy. Maybe he just went to the states to obesss over a rabbit and Dog. I don’t know. 

Lorne wants to help our heroes while Max understandably wants to run him over and sam just runs past him the minute they can. But despite finding the thespians layer  Max: (Singsong) We’re here to arressttt youuu Sam: (Also singsong): Rememberrrrr.. crimesss against humanitty? But it turns out Lorne, THE FRIEEEND FOR LIFFFEEEE, kidnapped him and puts on a show for htem of fighting thier old eneimies and a roller coaster death trap. Our heroes escape and begrudignly thank lorne even if they find his stalker shrine a bit much. 

Final Thoughts for The Friend For LIfe: A really solid episode and the fact i’ve binged several sam and max episodes since then really speaks to how good this one was. Seriously really funny stuff and I didn’t even cover half the great jokes in this one. Check it out, it’s on youtube. 

Mickey’s April Fools: An odd one but a fun one. MIckey is taking his asshole pills and goes overboard with his pranks, faking proposing to Minnie and faking his death after Mortimer pranks him. But it works... I mean is it grossly out of character? Oh god yes. Would it have made more sense by swapping out Mickey, Minnie and Mortimer with Donald, Daisy and either the boys or pete? Entirely. Is this short still hilarous. Yup. While i’ts not the best they’ve done on the show, it’s still really entertaining. The two end up getting him back, MOrtimer by faking a will reading only to have it go really poorly for Mickey as his death was reported, donald refuses to help due to Mickey’s last words to mortimer being “I’ve never undestood him” and Goofy being.. goofy. And MIckey is left hanging from a pole by minnie because fuck him. An out of character one.. but the sheer oddity of mickey being this dickish in the house of mouse shorts makes it work.  Be A Man: As a debut album for Randy Savage this Album is audotirally fucktacular, and with some polish randy could’ve had a long and successful rap career. As it stands, it is a sad one off not ein his career. 

Critters: On an asteroid prison, a group of dangerous aliens known as Krites are set to be transported to another station. The Krites engineer an escape and hijack a ship, prompting the warden to hire two shape-changing bounty hunters to pursue them to Earth. Studying life on Earth via various satellite television transmissions, the first bounty hunter assumes the form of rock star Johnny Steele, while the second remains undecided, thus retaining his blank, featureless head. On a rural Kansas farm, the Brown family sits down to breakfast. Father Jay and mother Helen send teenage daughter April and younger son Brad off to school while waiting on mechanic Charlie McFadden. A former baseball pitcher, Charlie has become the town drunk and crackpot, with claims of alien abductions foretold by messages through his fillings.

Playing with overly potent self-made fireworks and Charlie's slingshot, Brad takes the blame when Charlie accidentally shoots April and is grounded as a result. On the roof that evening, Brad mistakes the Critters' crashing spaceship for a meteorite; Jay and Brad investigate and interrupt the creatures consuming a cow. The creatures thereafter kill and feed on a local police officer, and later besiege the farm and cut its electrical connection. While checking the circuit breaker, Jay is attacked by one of the Critters and, being severely wounded, just barely manages to escape

.In the barn, April is about to have sex with her boyfriend Steve when he is killed by the one of the Critters; the creature itself is slain when it devours one of Brad's lit firecrackers. The remaining Critters sabotage the Browns' and Steve's cars, forcing the Browns to hole up inside the main house. Meanwhile, the two bounty hunters search the town for the Critters, causing a panic at the church and bowling alley, with the second hunter assuming the form of various townspeople, including Charlie. Brad escapes the farm to get help and runs into the bounty hunters, and upon learning of their true nature and intentions, he leads them to the Critters' location.

The last surviving Critters kidnap April and return to their ship when the bounty hunters arrive, and attempt to flee. Charlie and Brad manage to rescue April, but Brad drops a large firecracker he intended to use to destroy the ship when the Critters discover their escape. Just as the Critters take off and destroy the farmhouse out of spite, Charlie throws a Molotov cocktail made from his whiskey bottle into the ship, causing a fire which detonates the cracker and kills the Critters. The bounty hunters leave in their ship after giving Brad a handheld device to contact them in case of future invasion, and also restore the house. Unbeknownst to them, Critter eggs can be seen in the barn inside a chicken's nest that seem to be ready to hatch.

Final Thoughts on Critters: Critters is a wonderful film, despite what Rapheal from the teenage mutant ninja turtles might think but fuck him he has scabies. It’s fun, energetic, and ahs a great premise of instead of it JUST being on our heroes to repel the invaders, their caught between two diffrent sets of aliens instead and instead of a chisled jawed heroes the good aliens are simply bounty hunters with no care about collateral and only doing a job. It’s a damn fine film and I still need to make time to watch the sequel. 

Donald’s River Thing:

This is a simple one. Donald plans to go fishing, finds out it’s his and Daisy’s anniversary, her half birthday and valentine’s day and has to take her along and make it like a thing while being a dick about wanting to still fish, but in a very funny way while the local fish fight back. This is easily the standout of the episode incredibly funny, increidbly wholesome, and an incredibly good time. Really great stuff. 

Invincible Episodes 1-3:

This seires is fucking fantastic and you should go watch it. GO WATCH IT. 

Final Thoughts overall: 

YOUR NOT WATCHING IT

Final Thoughts Overall: This is a decent episode not much to say except HIT IT BOYS

[kyberled]

✒ - boba wants to know the whole story behind braig's cheek / face scar.

Send “✒” and my muse will tell yours the story behind one of their scars. || Accepting

Brow furrows as he raises his hand to touch fingertips against the injury in question. He doesn’t look at Boba, nor does he speak; instead, all but glowers at the floor for a few seconds. He eventually sighs, pressing his palm against his scar as shoulders slump, head bows, eyes close. Boba had opened up about his own past before, and Braig knew full well that it hadn’t been easy for him, so he had no right to withhold information from him. So, he sits on the cot, keeping his eyes down even as he reaches for Boba’s hand. He cradles it between his own palms, tracing fingers around callouses that have become more familiar than his own skin - then, lifts Boba’s hand to his face and nestles damaged flesh against the other’s warm palm.

“I dunno if you remember, but about a year or so ago, maybe a little less, I was gone for around two months– Probably a little more, with the brief medbay stay… But, I’d been on a mission with a master you probably didn’t know much about. Quiet, a real shut-in, but he was nice– Ah, a Quarren, Dhisit Riloff, since Gramps had been called away for a mission in the middle of exams, so I couldn’t go with him, and I was kinda upset with that, but, he had Cody, and of course I have faith in his abilities, so I got over it. And Master Riloff had agreed to take a padawan along with him for a mission, so the Council said I could go, and I admit, I was kind of excited to go and stretch my legs. So I met him and his commander, a gruff man with tattoos on his hands called Dash, on board their ship, and I got briefed on the mission while we went off. It was the standard sort of, Separatists are stopping the flow of resources to one of our allied planets, trying to incite violence and unrest all while hurting or killing anyone who decided they didn’t want to go along with it, and probably some people who were compliant, as well - wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened. So we were being sent to clean it up.” He sighs, scrubs his knuckles against the scar on his face, and leans his head on Boba’s shoulder, giving Bo’s hand a squeeze.

“I didn’t think it would be easy - it never is, at least, not often, and not when the more skilled generals are in action, and Tessk is, or was, pretty good at his job, when he wants to be. And, he really wanted to be.

“People were in pretty rough shape by the time we got there, and entire towns had already been razed to the ground, in typical Tessk style.” His expression sours here, but the change is reversed within the lifespan of a blink. “For a moment, I thought we were too late, and that everyone was already dead or taken prisoner, and I didn’t really know what to do, but Master Riloff stopped me before I could panic. He said something to me, then– He said, ‘A river does not boil, padawan, just because a stone is thrown in its path. It simply flows on in another direction.’ And I was really confused, I just sort of stood there for a sec. That was the first and last time I ever heard Commander Dash laugh, and it was more of a chuckle, really, but he walked off with Master Riloff and they just kind of left me there. I remember thinking to myself that this was going to be way different than working with Obi-Wan and and Cody.” He sighs, nestling a bit closer and closing his eyes. “We found the survivors, eventually, hiding out in the wilderness, basically just trying to avoid getting caught and killed by the droids. Or worse, I mean, some of them had already been carted off to some other planet as slaves. That wasn’t my job to deal with. Someone else was getting them home– The Senate actually let us do something about it, for a change. I dunno who they sent out, but it’s not really important to the story, so…” He shrugs, then presses a bit closer against Boba’s side.

“The long and short of it is, Dash and Master Riloff died in battle, and I wasn’t even there. We’d been keeping to the outskirts of the smaller cities for attacks, working to hit certain targets without biting off more than we could chew, and without letting the Seppies know where we were or how to find us. I dunno if it’s because they thought I was incompetent, or maybe that they assumed I wasn’t ready to handle the level of combat that was going on, or maybe just that they figured someone should stay back with the others, but Dash and Master Riloff mostly just left me to guard the refugees while they went off with most of the men to the front lines. I was kind of offended, ‘cause I wanted to be out there with them, but the people did need someone with them, and we weren’t sure a handful of the men would be enough on their own. Not that we were doubting their skill-! Just that, we thought it would be best to have a Jedi with them, just in case. It was good that I wound up staying with them, too, ‘cause the doctor was kind of running out of supplies, and was getting kind of worn down by how awful things were, so I was able to give her a hand with that and make sure that everyone was okay… Master Riloff and I kept in contact with a set of comms, scrambled and stuff to make sure that the Separatists couldn’t get a read on where we were or what we were doing. I- I was actually in one of those calls when Master Riloff was killed, and… He just had time tell me to run, and to crush the comm before I guess he died? I couldn’t really tell, ‘cause the comm was broken, but the Force was enough of a tell for me to get an idea…”

“So, back with the refugees, there was me, Scratch, Trickshot, Digger, Mal, Hardwire, Kriss, Nada, Grazer, Boone, Prez, Tailwind, and Hype, all of whom were Riloff and Dash’s men, and then the locals, Ta’ulé, who was one of the younger men, and a friend of mine; Go’ann, one of the older refugees who was seen  as one of their leaders, especially when it came to surviving and foraging and stuff, Mikila, who was really young and an absolute sweetheart, and the doctor, Lélé’ri’ann, and then also Kula’é and Soh and and Lukua and Rikii, Makula, Kurita, and so many more of them that I’m not gonna waste time naming at the moment, especially since a lot of them didn’t–” He cut himself off, sighed, and burrowed deeper into Boba’s shoulder. He swallowed, shrugged, then motioned to the battered leather-bound book that sat on the floor, only a few staggered steps away.

“I wrote about them as best I could, so, if I need to talk about them or if you’re curious, just lemme know, and I’ll look it up.” He’s stalling, and he’s well aware of it, and so forces himself to continue, tracing idle shapes on Boba’s arm to keep himself grounded.

“We had to do what Master Riloff told us– Take all the refugees and run, I mean. There was no way we could’ve kept them safe from the Separatists with the few resources and bodies we had, and our ships hadn’t fared too well… A couple of the men who’d got back from the battlefield, Taser and Royce, tried getting up in the air to see if there was a safe way down, and their ship got shot down before it even left the atmosphere… I know I’m not the best pilot, So I didn’t really want to try escaping on any of the less-functioning ships, which would probably be overcrowded, anyway… So, we ran. We, ah, we found these tunnels to travel through– Go’ann and Soh knew about ‘em. Soh told us some of them were old mines, and his grandfather had worked in them when he was young, right before they shut down, but according to Go’ann a lot of them were dug out by native wildlife, that were kind of like… I don’t know how to describe them. Kind of like a cross between… Turtles, and moles, and some sort of primate? I don’t think I ever pronounced the name right… Tapamalu, or Tapémaulu, or– -mula, maybe? I don’t… But, anyway, these tunnels… They’d been abandoned for generations, especially the ones farther out, so they weren’t the safest place to be, but it made it almost impossible for the Seps to find us, or see us from overhead… And it was so deep under the surface, most signals couldn’t transmit, so tracker droids and stuff would be useless. So were comms, but we figured we’d just stay in a group, and it wouldn’t matter.”

“We stayed down there as much as we could, trying not to run into anything that might want to eat us. Go’ann and Ta’ulé were in charge of helping to gather food. That mostly happened when we were above ground – we’d go up whenever we found an accessible route, ‘cause we– we didn’t have enough supplies to last us as long as we were out there. We didn’t think we’d need them… We were able to find enough to keep us going, but, it was the bare minimum, most of the time… We didn’t want to stay in one place long, just in case. I always checked the comm when we were on surface level, but I don’t think I ever got even a trace of an actual message. We just kept hiding, and waiting for the Republic to come, but–” He tries to smile here, and it doesn’t work. “We didn’t know that the Separatists had formed a blockade around the planet. And, I guess most people assumed I’d been killed alongside Master Riloff and Dash, since– Since I should have been fighting beside them, and everyone knew it–” He forces a breath to steady himself. “I guess, the Republic didn’t think it was worth it to expend all the resources and people you’d need to break a blockade, just to scrape some corpses off of the ground, but, like I said, none of us knew they weren’t coming. … I mean, after a while, some of us started to suspect that we were stranded… It was Mal, first, which would make sense if you knew him, and he was convinced that we were all gonna die, there, and that maybe it would be better if we just gave ourselves over to the Separatists and let them do whatever they had planned to us. That started a pretty big argument, and in turn sowed a lot of distrust, with people worried Mal would go and out our entire position to the Seppies when we were sleeping, or something like that… In the end, some of the other men– Nada and Kriss, and Trickshot I think, they were the main three behind it, sort of decided that it would be better if we left him behind, either out in the wilderness or down in the tunnels, and some of us were against it, because, well, that’s leaving someone to die, and that wasn’t something we– any of us wanted, but it ended up not being my decision. I mean, I wound up in charge of the men, ‘cause as a padawan Commander, without Dash or Master Riloff around, I was the highest-ranked individual in terms of the GAR there, so they were pretty much under my command, but the locals, the, uh, the refugees, they were being lead by Go’ann and most of the older members of their group, as a sort of council, kind of like what we have back here, but a lot less formal, and on a smaller scale. But neither myself or the local council had any say in Mal’s fate. He was ranting, and- and raving, and screaming by the end of it, we’d been stuck in the tunnels for a few weeks by then, and we were all in bad shape, but he was taking it really bad, and there wasn’t anything we could do for him. I tried, but I think it was just the stress and the pressure getting to him, the malnutrition, the grief of everyone we’d lost and the fact that we could hear explosions all the time, or, pretty frequently, at least, and when we did get up to the surface it was in unknown, hostile territory, and we were always hiding from the Seps– Got into a few fights with some patrols, and we made it out mostly okay, but got some nasty scrapes along the way, and– And we lost Grazer, at one point, and he and Mal had been pretty close… I tried talking to him, to Mal, after that, but he never really wanted to talk to anyone, even before all this went down, so I though that maybe it’d be best to just give him some space, but he got into an argument with Kriss… At one point, Rikii tried to break it up, and Mal started yelling at her, and that didn’t go over well with Kriss, cause he- Well, I think he had a thing for her, so he got really mad, and before I could get up from helping Makula, the doctor, splint Hype’s leg– He’d stumbled on a patch of loose dirt when we were climbing back down from getting food and twisted it pretty badly, and he said it wasn’t bothering him but Makula didn’t want to chance it, and I didn’t have time to– I wasn’t fast enough, and–” He pauses here again, closes his eyes and reminds himself to breathe. “He shot him. Kriss, I mean, shot Mal, but Mal had gone for his blaster, too. Neither of them were set to stun. And– I know that what Mal had been trying to get us to do was dangerous, and foolhardy, and he could have gotten us all killed, but he didn’t need to die for it-!” He sighs, pushing his hands through his hair as he sits back, trying to give himself space to exist until he could regain some of his composure.

“I told Kriss he shouldn’t have done that, but he said that he didn’t have a choice. He said that he had to, if we wanted to get out of this alive, and that I’d know that if I kept the group’s interests in mind. I’ve never felt so incapable in my life.” He shook his head, exhaling as he leaned back against Boba’s side again. “… I didn’t mention that in the official report. Mal’s death is listed as an accident. I don’t agree with what Kriss did, but, given the circumstances, I can understand it, and I don’t think he deserves to be terminated for it, so– You know, and Obi-Wan knows, and that’s it, as far as I know. Uhm… Yeah, that’s how things were for us, for a long time. Lots of people being high-strung and paranoid, ready to snap at the slightest thing, and a lot of people started thinking that the Republic really wasn’t coming for us, that we were going to be left to die in the middle of this desolate wasteland, and there was nothing we could do about it. We didn’t even bother trying the comm, since there wasn’t anyone we could contact on-planet, and we were worried that strengthening the signal would only attract the attention of the Seppies, especially if we tried to reach the Temple, so… We just hid, and waited, and I don’t know what we were waiting for. I think– I think some of us were waiting to die. There wasn’t much else to hope for. … I kept telling them that the Republic would come for us, and that I had faith in the Jedi. I don’t know if I believed it, myself, but I kept telling that to everyone like I did. I felt like I had to try to keep their hopes up, or we’d all end up like Mal did. I couldn’t take that again.”

“A few days before the Jedi did come for us, we ran into the Separatist General Grau Tessk himself. … I’ve mentioned him a few times, I dunno if you’ve ever seen or heard much about him, before, but this wasn’t the first time he and I have crossed paths, so… … He’s this big Trandoshan guy, green scales, bright green, with blue stripes tattooed or dyed all over him. Bright yellow eyes, teeth almost the same colour, lots of of scars, and a penchant for killing anything that moves for his own entertainment. So, basically, a typical Separatist. And we were out getting food for the group, and- And I know I’m going on a lot of tangents, but there were a lot more of us, now. We lost Hype, Hardwire, Scratch, and Trickshot, and Soh and Rikii and Kurita– Soh was getting old, and said it was just their time, but Makula and I both thought that the conditions did them in, and we did what we could to keep them comfortable, but they ended up passing, anyway… Hype’s leg kept getting injured, ‘cause he wouldn’t let it rest. I mean, he couldn’t, we were always on the move, but he was pretty determined to keep up with his brothers, so it kept getting worse. He died on our first rescue mission. … We found these groups of the native population who were being used as slaves, mostly for the purpose of clear-cutting forests and readying the land for some kind of base, and bleeding the quarries dry for the same reason. I couldn’t exactly claim to want to help these people, and then turn around and ignore those of them who were still suffering… At least, that’s what we decided, when myself and the men and some of the older locals got to talking. I– I wasn’t sure if we should go after them, the ones who were still trapped. We didn’t have a lot of manpower to work with, and, sure, I had my lightsabers, and the men had their blasters, but, aside from one or two other blasters scavenged off of the battlefield, nobody else had any real weapons. But, the men were adamant that we do something– I think that it was a mix of wanting to do the right thing and their duty, and of just being stressed out and having so little outlets? We had nothing but each other for weeks, and we were all on edge… Anyway, we lost a few people when we went to set the first group we could free, and then we had to go into hiding deep in the tunnels for as long as we could. We did a couple of raids like that, and some things got harder with the people we lost and the numbers we gained, and some things got easier, but there was one person who joined us named Amua, and she had been on her community’s war council. So, one of the things we’d do to pass time was have her teach us how to fight. I joined in because it was interesting, and I thought, they know how to fight on the terrain here better than I do, so I figured that I could learn a thing or two. Most of the remaining men joined in, too - in fact, I think all of them did.” He pauses here, clears his throat, and allows a sad, fond smile to pass over his face. “Kriss was showing off for Rikii, but he didn’t need to. We all knew she was returning those moon-eyes of his, before she– Well.” The smile falters, here, and he sits up, casting eyes down and rolling his shoulders as he burrowed his way under Boba’s arm.

“Anyway, where was I– Right. Amua had been teaching all of us how to fight, but, as you can imagine, it wasn’t really enough to help us against the droid armies. Enough to keep us alive, enough to help us when we went up to look for food and had the misfortune of running into a patrol, but not enough for more than that… I  did feel comfortable leaving the main group hidden in the tunnels, though, so I could go out with the smaller, ah, ‘shock groups’, for lack of a better term, and get more experience and enjoyment in the fresh air and the open space and not being stuck in those damned tunnels any more, and Ta’ulé usually came with me, and taught me how to find food and whatnot. We were on the ground, and I was a bit away from the group, stretching my legs and having some time to myself, which was something we never got in the tunnels, and… And I found this ship, one of the Republic’s that had been downed at some point, but it was still in decent enough shape, and–” He shook his head. “I know I should have gone back to find the others, to at least ask for a few others to come with me and send everyone else back to where it was safe, but I didn’t think about that, or anything, and I just went on my own, and– I know it was reckless, I know it was selfish and careless and I shouldn’t have done it, and I was just–” He just shook his head again, drawing his knees to his chest as through trying to protect himself from some unseen threat.

“I wanted to go home. I missed my bed, and you and Obi-Wan and the others, and I would have done terrible things for a shower. But, those people, they’d been living like this but worse for far longer than I had, so I had no right to put them in the danger that I did, but, I did, and I, uhm, I went to check out the ship,” he pauses again, sniffs, rubs the back of his hand across his eyes and lets out a pitiful attempt at a chuckle, failing to diffuse the tension coiling in his chest. (If he closed his eyes, he was certain he would be transported back there, surrounded by humidity and whining insects and filth and fear, and for a moment almost lets his eyes close– Catches himself, instead furrows his brow and stares at nothing in particular on the floor).

“I don’t know what I was expecting to find. I think I wanted to see if the comm centre was still working. I didn’t expect it to fly, since, even if it didn’t look too badly damaged, ‘cause it had been shot down. We didn’t have any supplies to repair it, and staying above ground for too long was dangerous, but I thought, maybe, just maybe, the scrambler might be working, and I could get a message out to the Order, even something as simple as ‘I’m still here’, or ‘there were survivors’, or ‘this is Braig’, and I know that sounds really strange and cryptic, but it would have to be short, get the point across, and ideally, be memorable. The Temple gets a lot of messages, all the time, from Jedi all over the galaxy, so it’s easy to forget things you’ve heard. But if it was strange, it might warrant someone getting called to listen, and maybe even go looking for us… My other plan was to just try to rig up the ship’s comm to transmit a constant signal to the Temple, and just annoy them into seeing what was going on. The ship was far enough away from the tunnels that it wouldn’t draw any attention to us when we went under, in bad enough shape that you could reasonably assume the comm was just malfunctioning, and we weren’t in the habit of staying in one place for too long, so we could just seal up the entrance and leave tings at that. I just thought there wouldn’t be any lasting consequences, or I wasn’t thinking about it, I- I don’t know. I was just thinking about wanting to go home. And I got the comm working, sort of. It could send out signals, at least. I’m no mechanic, so I was just happy that I’d managed to get anything working at all. And then I heard a door close, and the room got a bit colder. I hadn’t been paying attention, I’d been too busy fighting with the comm, but I turned around and heard this hiss, and there was Tessk. I probably wouldn’t have been able to see him, if he hadn’t had Master Riloff’s saber in his hand.” Here, the guilt and misery boiled down into a bitter disgust, and though he swallowed it as best he could it lingered in his voice.

“It wasn’t enough for him to terrorise and enslave innocents and kill whomever he pleased, but he had to be a vulture and a thief, too.” He folds his hands in his lap, letting fingers curl around themselves to ease some of his own tension and lets out a quiet exhale.

“It was a green blade, well-crafted, and it lit Tessk up like a spotlight. He was grinning and chuckling to himself like he just came out of some kind of game, and I guess, to him, he had. He said, ‘So this is where you’ve been hiding, Jedi.’ And I didn’t say anything back– I didn’t know what to say, or do. I just turned my own sabers on, and thanked the Force I’d been able to keep them maintained for so long with just what I’d brought in my belt. I don’t think he was very happy that I wasn’t giving him any banter to go off of, but I had nothing. We didn’t give each other much time to talk.”

“Grau didn’t have the same level of training I do with a saber, but it was pretty clear he was used to using something similar - some kind of vibroblade, probably. More importantly, he was well-fed and well-rested, and I wasn’t; none of us were. I was also probably getting sick, since, try as we might, the tunnels weren’t the most sanitary living conditions to be in… … I thought I was going to die, there. I was sure of it. I was stalling, at that point, trying to keep Grau from noticing the comm signal, and buying the others time to get away from here. I didn’t really entertain the thought that they were dead, both because i hadn’t sensed anything and because I didn’t want to. I just told myself someone would come to take care of them, and everything would have been worth it. I mean, I didn’t want to die, but it’s a Jedi’s duty to give their life in the name of the Republic, or of anyone who needs them, but if I could save them, then– I could help them, and that would be enough. We were fighting for- Well, it felt like a while, but I don’t know how long it actually was. Grau seemed to be enjoying himself, though. At one point, I don’t know how it happened, but I was backed into a corner, and I thought to myself that I’d bought all the time I could, and that was it. But he didn’t kill me, and I don’t know why I was surprised. Trandoshans are known for loving the whole ‘thrill of the hunt’ and all, and I guess I wasn’t very fun. So he picked me up like this–” He grabs the front of his own tunic and tugs up a bit before once again settling against Boba’s side. “And he said something to the effect of ‘why aren’t you trying harder’, or ‘come on, make this interesting’, or something like that - I wasn’t paying attention. I was tired, and everything hurt. I do remember spitting in his face, though. He wasn’t too happy about that. Threw me across the room and slashed up with Master Riloff’s saber, and- Well.” He stops there, shrugs, and taps his index finger against the dark, angry scar carved into his face. 

“He missed my eye, which I guess is good. Nearly got it, though, and I vaguely remember feeling the heat of it against my eyelid, and it all really hurt– It got my adrenaline kicking back in. I don’t know if he wanted to kill me, and just threw me more than he’d meant to, or if he was still just toying with me, or maybe I was able to Force him away from stabbing me, but… I, ah, wound up against a door, and had just enough time to press the panel and open it before he jumped at me. We got outside the ship, and I’d been in the middle of trying to draw him away and realising pretty fast that I needed a doctor. I was a proper mess… And I probably never would have walked away from there if the others hadn’t intervened. Most of them stuck to the trees - Guerrilla fighting was a common strategy for them, there, making use of the thick foliage, and it kept them out of the immediate danger… I don’t know what I’d have done if Grau got his claws on any of them, and, I admit, my own technique and control was pretty sub-par… I dunno who was the one who did it, but someone was able to get a shot at Grau’s foot, and he fell, and I killed him.” He inhales through his nose and runs his hands down his face.

“Even now, I don’t know if it was the right thing to do. I don’t think it was. The more I think about it, the more I come up with things I could have done differently– We’re not supposed to kill. I know you probably don’t believe me, but Jedi aren’t meant to take lives. If there’s any alternative, we’re supposed to take it. But I didn’t. …. That is in the official report, by the way. I don’t know what the Council plans on doing about that, but any punishment they give, I’ll accept.”

“I don’t really remember too many details after that. Boone and Kriss helped me back to the tunnels. Boone said Kriss just carried me back himself once I finally passed out. Makula got me as patched up as he could - we were already tearing up our clothes for bandages, so, obviously, we didn’t have any Bacta patches on hand, and I wasn’t in the right state of mind to Force heal… The Order showed up a few days later, I think, and I’m told I spent a day or two in Bacta before sleeping for a full day, but, it’d already scarred over by then, so– That’s how it happened.”