#lol i love how my stream of consciousness just jumps ahead so i can never actually write my sentences properly. fucking annoyinf

[mylimoji]

the thought of maybe finally deciding to learn how to play the guitar vs my paranoia that i will not commit to it for long enough to actually learn it 😭

[amaliabalash]

Legally Blonde at the Oregon Cabaret Theatre

Just got back from seeing the Cabaret's Legally Blonde and so naturally I have to make a text post with every thought and feeling. Bullet pointed stream of consciousness ahead! And I'll be seeing this uh like six more times so I will likely add on to mention other little things I notice and like over time. 😂

This Bruiser was a miniature poodle and very cute.

When Margot is talking to Bruiser, she just held his head and looked into his eyes like she was doing a mind meld and I loved that.

Also, like seven years ago or something, the actress playing Margot played Elle in a youth production of LB that I saw, and it was fun to see her back in the show. She understudies Elle and I hope she goes on one of the times I've there, it'd be a fun full circle thing.

During Blood in the Water, when the students start echoing the phrase, Emmett started and like tried to cue them to do the same? I don't know how to word it lol but it worked for me.

When Elle asks, "who assigns reading on the first day of class?" Emmett across the room starts like reaching out towards her and mouthing "no no no" before grimacing.

Enid throws a beer on Vivienne at the party, which I haven't seen before and was fun as Vivienne runs off stage going "I'm all sticky!"

OG IRELAND LYRICS FTW

During the Christmas part of Chip, Emmett comes in with a reindeer horn headband and I just thought that was very cute.

This Emmett did a lot of like, voices when saying certain lines and it worked for me? I know the actor from many local productions and always enjoy him but he's usually playing character roles, and I enjoyed seeing little bits of that goofiness brought into Emmett.

Major height difference between Elle and Emmett. Most of the time I'm like "yeah height differences are fine" but it made it so if they hugged she's like buried in this chest and yes good I approve.

At the end of Chip right after Elle has her classroom success, Elle and Emmett like lock eyes and walk towards each other and it just felt like a magnetic pull thing until Callahan walks between them, I dug it.

And then when Paulette goes to get Rufus (she goes offstage, because they did not have a dog to play Rufus), again, Elle and Emmett just fucking gaze at each other for a moment before she goes into "is this law?" and I am so here for it.

Holy SHIT Whipped Into Shape. Always impressive to see people hold their own with singing while jump roping, but the first freeze? Forgive the random cheerleader picture for illustration, but the actress playing Brooke held this pose (without the other arm out) for the entire pause on "meet our brand new client Brooke..." through until the hit play again. I've never seen people burst into applause mid-Whipped, but like, you could feel the shock and awe just ripple through the room the longer she held it.

Take It Like a Man: okay first of all they actually put him in a good suit thank the lord, so often it's like "and he looks the same, just in black" but this was a well fitted suit so, A+ costuming, you actually did the job. And Emmett did a clear sort of lean in before Elle hugs him, which isn't anything new, but always great in my book. And when she hugs him, she just buries her face in his chest, I love it.

When Callahan makes the move on Elle, and audience member loudly hissed. 😂

Sadly. There was no Door. However, they DID make it clear that "what about love?" was an aside and not directly to Elle. There was a line change, I don't remember exactly what, so it's not "if you can hear" but something else. But when he's singing about wanting her to stay TO her, she's carrying a bag she's packed and they both reach for the handles and just kind of clasp hands for a moment. ALSO she packs the 2-in-1 shampoo after like hesitating for a moment over it, and that got me right in the heart. Well done.

During the reprise when Elle walks into the supply closet, Vivienne turned to Enid and said "she still hates me, doesn't she?" or something like that and god any little extra bit of Vivienne insight we get I looooove.

After Elle proposes and puts the ring on Emmett's finger, she jumps into his arms and just WRAPS her legs around him, full on star fish cling, I love it. No real end kiss though, which seemed weird? Like they were about to and then went into more singing. I'm not as much bothered by it as confused by the choice but oh well.

Emmett comes out in a hot pink suit for bows.

Okay that's all I got for now. I fucking love Legally Blonde.

[shimmershae]

My thoughts on Episode 6--On the Inside

Very appropriate title by the way.  Works in a multitude of ways.  

As always, my randomness is going beneath a cut again to spare the eyeballs of those of you that don’t want to see it at all and also?  Help those of you that have somehow stayed spoiler-free in this brand-new age of early release episodes.  It is still so wild to me that I’m a full episode ahead of half the fandom.  I don’t know what I’m going to do when we get to the final episode and they decide to make us all suffer together--because somehow I do feel they will do exactly that after spoiling us for the first 23 episodes.  It is going to be agonizing.  

Anyway.  Without further ado, Shae’s stream of consciousness review (of sorts).  

Not fair, Angela.  Opening the episode with that shot of that big ass spider.  I hate those suckers.  So naturally, they’re an easy sell for setting the horror scene to me, lol.  

Okay.  Who the hell’s chasing Virgil and Connie?  Walker No-See-Ums?

Barely a minute in and the atmosphere for this episode is moody AF.  

What is this?  Tara Jr. The Walking Dead?  LOL.  Where’s the Scarlett for this mini plantation house?  Anyway.  First three minutes of this episode?  Just as attention grabbing as the first five episode openings this season.  I don’t think people out there are giving our writers enough love for that.  Every episode so far has opened like a mini movie.  

With the way the Walking Dead logo keeps crumbling away with each successive episode, somehow it wouldn’t surprise me at all if the Carol and Daryl spinoff was eventually titled The Living and had flowers growing out of each letter, lol.  I mean, there would be a certain sort of life-affirming symmetry in a show that’s been promised to be much lighter in tone doing just that.  

More Carol and Aaron?  Yes, please.  I don’t necessarily like Carol staying at home and sitting the sidelines like a figurative happy little homemaker in the B story while the rest of the mains are trying like hell to sell the A story, but if she’s going to be totally prohibited from the main storyline until it’s time to blow shit up?  I’m going to continue enjoy getting to see her do what she should have been doing for seasons--interacting with others in the community, especially Aaron and the ladies.  

Truly.  I really am loving my girl getting some quality Aaron and Rosita time.  It’s so long overdue.  

Bless sweet Kelly.  Riding off to her sister’s rescue.  

Why isn’t Lydia shown as part of these plans?  For someone that could barely read last season, I doubt that big ass map was a piece of cake for her and it’s all just guesswork anyway without her guidance.  I mean, why does it feel like they are cutting some of this stuff that might not seem like much plot-wise but would go a long way toward establishing different character beats?  Personally, I would have loved to see her involved in the search and sharing scenes again with Carol and bonding with Kelly. 

Virgil be having that “I always feel like somebody’s watching me” feeling.  Don’t you hate that, lol?  

“You haven’t slept in days.”  But how many days, Virgil?  I’m going to need a number because I’m confused AF about this timeline at this point.  What we’re seeing and what different pieces of dialogue is telling us is not exactly lining up.  I’m going to find it awful hilarious if it hasn’t even been two weeks since the cave in.  For reasons.  

Connie’s spidey senses are clearly tingling.  

Alrighty, then.  She’s clearly got PTSD.  Understandable.  They’ve all had it.  Some have been treated more sympathetically than others, though.  

I mean, it never seems to cross anybody’s mind how Carol probably sees Henry’s head on that pike, Mika’s pale and bloody body, Lizzie crumpled face down in a bed of yellow flowers, Sophia with a smoking bullet hole through her undead head whenever she closes her eyes but whatever.  

Okay though.  But what if Connie had really shitty, impossible to read handwriting?  AKA doctor’s  handwriting.  What then?  

Leah’s face honestly twists my insides whenever I see it, lol.  It’s quiet a visceral thing.  No, that does not make me a horrible person.  Not everybody wants or has to drink the awesome, great, redeemable villainess Kool-Aid.  IMHO, she’s got a face meant for a Walker.  Perfect makeover idea.  Eh.  Mostly it’s her expression and the deadness of her eyes.  

Anyway.  Why is it always the fingers?  Eff that.  

Listen.  If ya’ll can’t tell Daryl’s conflicted AF with the situation he’s landed in, you don’t know how to read NR’s face and eyes.  He’s not a masterclass like MMB but he’s pretty darn good when he wants to be.  

I honestly feel sorry for Redshirt Frost.  

“You do what you gotta do.”  Frost knows what’s what and he’s willing to walk the walk for Maggie.  Impressive loyalty.  I’m left wondering how the current, colder incarnation of Maggie inspired it because I’m still struggling to see it.  Anywho.  My point is the dude knows the score and just gave Daryl the okay.  

Daryl taking off his angel vest before stepping into the role of torturer/interrogator=him shedding the persona/the man Judith and RJ and Lydia and Carol know him to be.  Pushing away his man of honor status so he can just survive somehow.  

Pope never quits chewing whatever the hell he’s got in his mouth.  It’s kind of distracting.  

Ohhh.  We’re back to the Haunted Mansion.  I mean house.  Where are the Hitchhiking Ghosts?  

All the eyes scratched out of those creepy pictures=spooky.  

The good old fogged up bathroom mirror shot.  Somebody’s been watching and studying their horror movies, lol.  Not gonna lie though.  I’m legit bracing myself for the jump scares I know have to be coming.  

I’m loving the music/score in these scenes.  

Truthfully, I could care less about these Reapers.  But they are hella attractive, lol.  Listen.  Angela knows what she’s doing.  

Kelly’s horse is so pretty.  Prayer chain for that baby.  

More dead horses?  Why?  

Connie’s slingshot?  Sorry.  I maintain, no matter how much I like these two, that they have the lamest weapons ever.  Endless supply of Virginia rocks or not.  

So.  Did Virgil and Connie enjoy a little equine for dinner?  Did they kill it before the Walkers fed?  What monsters!  Yeah, no.  Not if they were starving even if I personally could not have.  The more probable story is they fled the camp in a panic and left the horse behind and then it went down.  Sorry.  I didn’t exactly study the wounds on the poor animal because it is so traumatizing to me to continue to see them meet such dastardly ends on this show.  I don’t know who the hell has such a score to settle with horses but stop it.  

Days.  It’s only been days.  Not weeks.  So many times with all that Daryl and Company have had to contend with since the cave in?  Those do not exist, lol.  They’re just a convenient, appeasing piece of dialogue thrown at a fanbase primed and ready to read everything into not much of anything.  There’s just not been enough time for it to happen unless Daryl has literally been up 24/7 for all of them.  You know, strategizing how to attack the remainders of Alpha’s horde, figuring out how to defend Hilltop before it fell, healing from the wound he sustained at Alpha’s hand, sitting on that log all damn night with Negan waiting on Carol to come home, having a lover’s quarrel with his best damn everything, taking care of the Grimes babies and Lydia, being the reluctant leader.  Kang, why you playing them like that?  Daryl’s a super guy but he’s not a superhuman with clones.  So many times my ass.  

Seriously.  Who been watching Connie and Virgil?  The MIA Oceansiders?  Beta’s Fee Fi Fo Fum Ghost?  

Nice.  A Michonne mention.  Maybe the truth will start to trickle out.  

LMAO at Connie’s “I’m not staying here.”  Me neither, girl.  I would be outta that house so fast.  

They really “Quiet Placing” this episode.  Honestly?  I’m kinda loving it.  

WTF was that?  I know she can’t hear but you telling me all the little hairs on her arms, legs, and neck didn’t stand the fuck up and say fuck this shit, I’m gone?  Pardon my language, lovelies, but that moment had my heart kicking up several beats.  

Okay, okay.  To be fair to Connie, every hair on her body been doing that since the front door closed.  Maybe they’re desensitized.  

Gollum’s chasing Connie!!!  He/She wants their Precious!!!

The knee jerk reactions about this episode sight unseen are OTT, honestly.  And I mean no disrespect by saying that.  I can understand completely where they’re coming from because we’ve been burned so long in this fandom.  But it’s obvious the spoiler source has their particular biases and reads into things in such a way that don’t line up with what’s actually being shown onscreen.  Daryl’s loyalty in this episode and all along quite clearly lies with his family and his community.  He’s been playing Leah since the start and is truly just trying to survive somehow.  

Awful thought.  The Reaper that’s so suspish of Daryl--haven’t quite caught his name or really cared to.  I feel like he might try to get to Daryl somehow.  When he realizes that Daryl cares no more for Leah than any human would care for somebody (they thought) they used to know?  He’s going after Dog.  Or Carol should she finally join this story. 

I refuse to believe Carol isn’t going to be a part of this story.  Because they messing with her mans, lol.  

“You’re ever with us or you’re not.”  Now where have I heard those words before?  I wish I could find that Daryl gif because that had to be one of the funniest things ever, lol.  

Unrealistic suggestion to Daryl, Leah?  Breathing oxygen seems to piss off Carver.  Oh look.  He finally has a name for me, lol.  

I love how all three of the ladies--Carol, Magna, and Rosita--look at Kelly with such indulgent, adoring “little sis, you alright?” eyes.  

They are seriously the most beautiful quartet of characters.  I mean all of them are lovely but Carol and Rosita this season?  Ugh.  The unfairness of the pretty.  

Human bones.  Terminus callback, lovelies.  How it all would have eventually gone down if Gareth and Co. hadn’t met the business end of Rick’s red machete.  

So many horror movie homages in this one.  

Virgil’s like “let’s leave this Texas Chainsaw Massacre behind.”  

Connie and Virgil have obviously bonded, ya’ll.  I’m surprised by how much I’m enjoying their scenes together when the character mostly got on my nerves with Michonne.  He’s a good actor and the core of his character is sympathetic, but I’m not going to lie.  I wasn’t super enthused when he was the one that rescued Connie because I didn’t know how their scenes would play out. But there’s a nice synergy there.  

Okay.  Does Carver want Leah for himself?  Because I’m sure Daryl at this point would love to scream “take her, I know where I fucking belong!”  

Daryl’s digging in deep because Carver has shown him Leah’s potential weak spot.  Nuance is truly lost on some people, LMAO.  He cares about Leah as a human being probably.  He’s Daryl, after all.  The sweet one.  But he sees her as his way outta this and he’s going to exploit it.  

It’s nice to have a silent Negan for once, lol.  I can pretend he didn’t take my baby Glenn away from me and enjoy JDM’s pretty.  

So.  These cannibal people were the watchers?  Hmm.  

I’m really digging Virgil 2.0.  Yeah.  Nobody’s surprised more than me.  

Sweet, sweet scene between Virgil and Connie.  His determination to reunite her with her family brings back the sympathy I felt for him when he told Michonne “I promised her flowers.  Every day.”  

Damn.  How many of those creepy crawly cannibals are there?  

How brave of Connie to confront her fears to save someone she’s obviously grown to care about.  

The Kelly/Connie reunion gave me chills and made me cry.  Thank fuck Angela didn’t cheapen that moment by having it focus on literally anybody else.  Kelly is the most important person in the whole world to Connie and vice versa.  Just like Carol is the most important person in the whole world to Daryl and vice versa.  Angela fucking knows.  Everybody does.  Except the people busy building castles out of sand while the waves of Carol’s and Daryl’s converging stories keep crashing closer and closer to shore.  

Such a beautiful moment given to us by Angel Theory and Lauren Ridloff.  So authentic and sweet.  Kelly and Connie are home to each other.  

Poor Frost.  That’s all I gotta say about that.  

WTF, though.  Was Mel just not available or what?  I want to see more of the ASZ characters that I care about, not the Reapers.  Like I’d be fine with the story if all the characters not named Maggie, Negan, or Daryl weren’t surviving on crumbs during it.  Especially the 2nd billed actress on the entire show.  Angela.  Please.  Fix this.  

One last WTF.  Seriously.  WTF has Maggie done to inspire Pope’s obsession?  It better be juicy after all this shit.  

Overall impression of the episode--

One of my favorites of the season so far.  The horror aspects were fantastic, IMHO. I truly didn’t expect to like Connie and Virgil’s scenes as much together so that was a nice surprise.  She got the reunion that felt most true and earned for the character and her story and I thank Angela from the bottom of my heart for that.  

I would have loved more Carol but I always want more Carol.  I’m okay with her taking a backseat because ultimately?  This was Kelly’s moment with her sister.  Carol and Connie will eventually have their time to sit down and talk.  And pick back up their blossoming friendship because I truly do not feel Connie blames Carol at all.  

I do wish Lydia had been included with the girl group.  Last episode felt like it was leading up to that.  

The Reaper storyline continues to be the weakest link because every time we see them the dialogue and interactions feel totally recycled from the time previous.  I feel like it would have totally been helped by a tighter focus and less stretching out because 8 episodes of this is really diluting what I feel like Angela and Co. are going for.  I’m not here for Leah being redeemed or being a bigger focus in any of the episodes because she does nothing of interest for me.  I’m just peeking in on that story for the Daryl of it all.  

Speaking of the Daryl? You lovelies out there gotta stop taking that spoiler source’s recaps at face value because it’s obvious to me at least that there’ some bias at work.  Every action and word coming from Daryl is coming from a place of loyalty to his family and wanting to protect them, no matter how he has to dirty his hands.  Leah is just a means to his ultimate end.  She’s not his future.  She never was.  His future’s already spoken for and 2023 can’t get  here soon enough.  But like Daryl, we have to just survive somehow.  

Oh goodie.  More Maggie and Negan next episode and looks like no real follow up on Connie and the ASZ reunions.  Hopefully, this is yet another instance of the previews being deceiving but I’m not holding my breath.  

Until later, lovelies.  

Hope my word vomit didn’t bore you too much.  

[fangirlandiknowit101]

12, 14 and 18☺️

Thanks for asking <333

12. Is there a trope you haven’t written yet but really want to?

There's lots to be honest, but something I still can't believe I haven't written is a horse riding au. Like, that's half a lie bc I have a few thousand words written for a Simon/Baz horse rider au that I might never finish, but I'd really like to write one for Naruto. But I always decide not to because I don't know all the words and I hate googling stuff while I write. But one day! Surely!

14. If you were stuck on a desert island with only two characters, which would you pick?

Honestly? Kirk and Spock. They'd find a way to get us out of there. And if not, it would at least be cool to meet them.

18. What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

You really had to pick such a difficult question... I can never decide on any particular line/scene. So I opened up The sun within me and looked at the chapters and thought I'd pick something that could be interesting to comment on. And in this case, it's a bit about how Naruto, Sasuke, and Charasuke have changed and their different relationships with each other. So! Here's a bit of commentary for a scene in chapter 40 (under the cut bc it's fairly long lol):

[For clarification, this is right after Naruto and Sasuke come back home from Sasuke's mission where he fought Menma and Menma then disappeared. I'm skipping ahead to the part where they arrive at the orphanage and Charasuke is waiting in their room (Naruto's POV). My comments will be written in bold text.]

The clone’s memories dropped into his head like a puff of smoke, and he groaned out loud, making a face. Sasuke gave him a concerned look, but Naruto sighed and shook his head.

“Let’s go,” he said, feeling very reluctant as he grabbed Sasuke’s arm.

He supposed he could have teleported them somewhere else, but Charasuke had seemed prepared to wait until they returned. Maybe Sasuke could deal with him while Naruto sort of… drifted away and hid in the kitchen.

Naruto is acting very childishly in this scene, mostly because he's still wary of Charasuke, and also because he's just spent two days in Sasuke's company but pretending to be Menma, which means no cuddles/kisses or anything. He's kind of clingy, isn't he? Haha. And also, he doesn't really want to admit to himself that Menma disappearing for Charasuke is the parallel to his worst fear, that Sasuke will disappear.

“Where is he?” Charasuke demanded the second they arrived in the bedroom.

“Ah, Sasuke, maybe you can explain?” he suggested, inching towards the door, but Sasuke nailed him to the floor with a single glare.

“He could be anywhere,” Sasuke said, continuing to glare until he was sure that Naruto wouldn’t escape. “I didn’t manage to get a good look through the portal.”

“The portal?” Charasuke seemed to waver, arms wrapped around himself as he looked between them. “Tell me what happened.”

You can tell that Sasuke has really started to care about Charasuke here. He's not entirely open with him yet, but he recognizes a lot of himself in Charasuke and he puts himself in Menma's position, thinking about when he left the village and Naruto was left behind. He doesn't want Charasuke to hurt the way he knows Naruto was hurting back then.

While Sasuke described the mission, including what he called ‘Naruto’s dumb interference’, Naruto dug through his closet for the shirt he would make Sasuke wear. He was absolutely sure that Sasuke would argue about it – especially since he’d sent a clone to Akatsuki and not himself – but if he talked fast enough and relented that it would be enough if Sasuke slept in it for one night…

“He really is gone, then,” Charasuke said, his voice toneless. “I’ll never see him again.”

“I’m sure you’ll see him again,” Naruto said, contemplating the pros and cons of a t-shirt versus long sleeves. “Whoever grabbed him and hauled him off probably just wanted to keep him out of Sasuke’s reach. He gets awfully strong when he’s irritated.”

Naruto is definitely acting a bit heartless here, again, because he doesn't want to think about his own feelings or feel forced to recognize that Charasuke is a person Sasuke cares about, that he should also care about. I think he can get a bit closed off when there's too much going on in his own life, and that makes it hard to focus on other people, especially since he still wants to leave the other dimension and doesn't want to think about Sasuke caring about his family here - meaning Sasuke might want to stay.

When he turned back from the closet, he found Sasuke giving him a disappointed look.

“What?”

“You’re taking this lightly,” he said, glancing at the shirt in Naruto’s hand and apparently deciding to ignore it.

“Well, unless we figure out how to dimension-hop after him, I don’t think there’s a lot we can do.”

Now that he was back to being himself, all Naruto really wanted was to curl up in bed with Sasuke and not think about the outside world at all. Charasuke, on the other hand, seemed on the verge of tears.

“And what would you have done if I was the one who disappeared?” Sasuke asked, an icy note to the question.

“How would I know? It hasn’t happened yet.”

A bit of foreshadowing lol. Except Sasuke is the one left reacting when Naruto leaves, but Naruto really is trying to keep a tight grip in his emotions here and absolutely not think about the fact that Sasuke could have disappeared with Menma, and he wouldn't have known what happened to him.

“You could have let me follow after him and we’d know where he went.”

Naruto straightened up, face hardening.

“No, you might have known where he went, but the rest of us wouldn’t. Besides, he was trying to kill you. I went through too much trouble to keep you alive to just let you jump into some unknown enemy territory.”

As you can see, putting a lot of emphasis on Naruto's fear of losing Sasuke again.

Silent tears now streaming down his cheeks, Charasuke sat down on the bed and clenched his fists over his lap. It was obvious that he didn’t like what they were saying, but Naruto pushed his feelings of sympathy aside. Sasuke was his top priority, and that hadn’t changed simply because there was another one of him now.

“I told him I never want to see him again,” Charasuke sniffled, and it was really disturbing to watch someone with Sasuke’s face – well, a version of Sasuke, really – crying out in heartache.

Meanwhile poor Charasuke is having a background breakdown. To Naruto, it's hard to see a version of Sasuke like this. Charasuke is coming face to face with the realization that he's A: definitely not over Menma, B: he really handled things badly and never even stopped to think about why Menma was doing things.

“If he survives, you can apologize,” Naruto told him, trying to sound comforting. “Hell knows Sasuke said a lot worse stuff to me.”

To his great surprise, Sasuke went over to sit beside Charasuke, frowning as his hand twitched to reach out to him.

“This isn’t about you and me, Naruto,” he said, settling for an awkward hand on Charasuke’s shoulder. “And it could be our fault, anyway.”

“You know, Sasuke,” Naruto said as the initial shock wore off, “that sounds scarily like you’ve started caring about other people.”

Naruto and Sasuke having a small fight about Charasuke... Naruto knew Sasuke cared about Charasuke, but this is when he realizes that Charasuke is becoming a person that Sasuke wants to protect. And for Sasuke it's a small step towards opening his heart for more people than just Naruto. Sasuke is honestly mad at Naruto for taking things so lightly, for treating this other dimension as something that doesn't affect them. Besides, I really wanted Charasuke to be comforted by Sasuke haha.

Charasuke kept crying, and the look Sasuke directed at him clearly said what he thought of Naruto right then.

“Moron. I care about other people, just not anyone in our own dimension.”

Naruto knew that to be a lie, but decided not to say anything. Having Sasuke admitting to something like having feelings was a huge enough step on its own. Instead he sighed, grabbed something to sleep in, and headed for the door.

“I’ll just sleep on a couch,” he mumbled.

Does Sasuke care about anyone back in their own dimension? Maybe, but you wouldn't really see him act like this with canon Sakura, not before they left for the RTN dimension at least. It's a big thing that Sasuke is starting to voice his feelings out loud, and acknowledge them more. Naruto is feeling jealous actually, because he wanted to finally have Sasuke to himself, and also he feels guilty for being jealous, and also he's hoping that if he pouts enough Sasuke will comfort him instead of Charasuke lol. Not always the most mature person, but who is?

Coward, Kurama accused as he headed towards the living room, but Naruto was too tired to argue with him. Something about Charasuke always rubbed him wrong, and maybe it had to do with how he displayed his emotions openly and so obviously thought of himself as weak. If Sasuke wanted to handle it, fine. Naruto didn’t have the patience for people who sat around crying, and a small part of him didn’t like that he had such problems with caring about Menma, either. Menma had everything, a loving family, a Sasuke who cared about him, but he was still feared and treated differently. Even in this world people treated the bijuu as something dangerous, and he wondered how much of the whole story of them losing consciousness and turning into beasts was true, and how much was justification to treat them badly.

It's a bit of 'my problems are worse than yours so you shouldn't be so upset'. In the movie, we really got to see how much it hurt Naruto to see this other world where he had everything he wanted, and then acknowledge that it wasn't real. Even if he can recognize that the bijuu were still treated badly here, he can't quite make peace with the way Charasuke and Menma can't appreciate what they have. It makes it really hard for him to sympathize with them.

Am I supposed to feel touched? Kurama snorted as Naruto rearranged pillows into an acceptable bed on one couch. You didn’t care much for us either before you figured out the truth.

No, but everything was supposed to be the opposite here, right? Well, this part isn’t the opposite, it’s the same.

Between one heartbeat and the next, Naruto blinked his eyes open in front of Kurama’s open cage. There was water sloshing around his ankles, and everything was clouded in some sort of yellowish haze.

“Oh, come on,” he complained, but Kurama tsk’ed at him with his head supported by one giant paw.

“I hate to admit it, but you might be onto something, kid.”

“Uh-huh, well I don’t know about you but I want to sleep.”

Kurama reached out and poked him in the stomach with a sharp claw, eyes narrowing to slits. Even if they were friends, Naruto didn’t feel like testing the limits of that friendship with those claws so close to him.

“Sometimes you say things in such a stupid voice that I miss how important it might be. Now shut up and listen,” Kurama growled, three of his tails swishing angrily behind him. “This world is supposed to be opposite, right?”

“I don’t know, but everything seems opposite.”

“Let’s pretend we know it’s true. So, everything and everybody is the opposite more or less. But, the prejudice against the bijuu is still there. And we were told that it was only recently that they became unable to control. So, where does that leave us?”

Naruto pouted, not bothering to answer. Obviously Kurama already knew what he wanted to say.

“I think it means that anything that is the same, is something that somebody has tampered with.”

I was going to do more with this, but it was also a bit of 'what sort of theories would they have for what was really going on?' and this one is accurate in a way, because Hagoromo did tamper with the bijuu which in turn made them become feared and badly treated. So it's definitely hinting at there being someone behind the scenes manipulating the bijuu.

“Huh?”

Kurama rolled his eyes, sighing so deeply that Naruto felt the wind from it tear at his clothes.

“Think, boy! If this is a mirror-world or whatever, people shouldn’t be afraid of me and my siblings. But they are, and it only started a while ago. Obviously someone made us go crazy. And Menma has me inside him, but a crazy version of me, so wouldn’t it be logical that whoever did something to the me inside Menma, could also do something to Menma?”

He thought about it, hard enough that his head started hurting. Sasuke would probably know, but he was busy with Charasuke.

“I guess,” he said eventually, huffing a little. “But even if you’re right, it doesn’t help us figuring out who’s behind it all.”

“Does it matter?” Kurama scoffed, and then his lips spread in a terribly evil grin. “We’re going to kill them anyway, aren’t we?”

“This is why you have such a bad reputation,” Naruto sighed.

Kurama only laughed.

I really love Kurama... His and Naruto's weird friendship gives me life. His solutions to problems are always very straightforward heh.

Well, that's that :3

[evergreen-dryad]

thoughts about spook 65

...Although, it’s more like a stream of consciousness commentary. I try and fail not to make this too long as usual, so warning long post ahead.

Summary: Aidairo leaves us on that cliffhanger by giving us a break with tension-breaker Kou with his caring friends, more Mitsukou, and then dun dun dun they encounter a Wild Comic Relief of Universal Proportions Natsuhiko (poor fish and tarantula I hope they got back safe) and apparently Natsuhiko wants to capture No.6 like he’s the rarest pokemon of all and might have the secret key to the immortality fountain?? Will we ever know more about these mysterious man stay tuned next month. And oh yeah also No.6 always wanted to throw Aoi into the hole to rot away because he’s also a necromancer. Just great and swell here folks, don’t know how Nene and Akane are faring ~

whaaww Kou’s feeling really overwhelmed I mean this is a lot for like what a 13 year old boy

LMAO IS HE WIPING THE MOKKE OR DID HE READY A KERCHIEF FOR NENE

‘Teru-nii hasn’t been home recently’ -- hmmmmm? What’s he up to? Is he out on a journey to exorcise bigger fish out there?

...Or it could be just a field trip lmao

lol. out of context -- 👀

(I love that white-black juxtaposition between the two of them)

AWW WHAT GOOD BOIS

KOU HAS SUCH GOOD FRIENDS I’M MELTING HEREEEEE

ahahahahaha ofc Satou sugarboy here has his priorities right. ‘Get sweet drinks and sweets for us you simp’

awwww

I love it, we’re getting outside perspective from the supportive side characters. It’s the Arc for no1 Supportive Side Character Ao-chan after all!

ooooooohhhhh Satou’s the observant one here. Starting to love him now~

what a cheerful sandboy Yokoo is holding that carrot

oyo it’s Mitsuba but I’m just distracted wondering if those plants on the left side are mimosa plants, le touch-me-not

LMAO

MITSUBA YOU NEVER HOLD BACK

omg you just popped right outta the mirror like that. I would have screamed and flung my hands everywhere. Kou you have nerves of steel or in this case your brain is a steelwool scrubber right now

Yeah man that’s his job your man’s a ghost in case you forgot

AWW HE’S ALSO CONCERNED

MITSUBA DOING THE BLESSED WORK AROUND HERE HE JUST OUTRIGHT ASKED KOU WHAT’S UP

LMAO KOU

It is unbelievable to him since Mitsuba has always been such a prickly tsun before he’s probably never shown much common decency let alone common friend interaction like showing concern esp since Kou to him is a blokehead

Awww, Kou

(oh? oh? what was his wish again exactly, to be friends or for him to be human somehow?

and lmao Kou is going doki-doki when Mitsuba for the first time ever asks if he’s okay)

Aww, Mitsuba misses his Daikon-senpai, this is too cute guys I--

Nene your fantasy came true Mitsuba’s looking for you like a lost puppy

LMAO HANAKO IS THE BAD FRIEND IM SCREMINH BUT KOU HONEY YOU’RE RIGHT HE FIGHTS BEATS STABS PEOPLE UP AND INTRODUCES YOU TO PORN AND EVEN GOES YANDERE FOR AN ARC

really. why am I so intrigued Teru is gone. Where did he go. There must be a story somewhere.

oh whoa there goes Kou acting all otome ML again (callback to Hanako wanting Nene’s wish to come true too with the shoulder-clutching?)

HAHAHAHA YEAH HE DIDN’T LISTEN AT ALL. THIS SIMP. YOUR BI HIMBO. YOUR MORON.

Mitsuba’s face is sending me I swear

Yes Mitsuba he deserves that kick to the arse. Teach him to listen to you

There we go again~~ *Kou otome ML move count: 2*

A scream??? COULD IT BE---

BUGS AND TRASH PLS PLS BE OKAY

wow Mitsuba just suited up. our two superheroes on the move

AAAAAAAAAA

IT’S A FISH???? WHOSE LEGS ARE THOU TOO LONG?? DON’T TELL ME IT’S NATSUHIKO

also lmao these phat daikon arms. And these rando fish are all so cute. Look at this guy on the right. So smooth and chill like a seal

Ya jeez more and more apparitions are showing up y’all it’s becoming a yokai manga (I’m not complaining I love them all.)

Oh that dramatic foot in a spotlight, Natsuhiko you dramatic hoe, it’s you I’d know you anywhere (jokes aside I saw that Sailor Moon edit of him so)

HAHAH THE FISH LOOKS SO HAPPY. PEAK COMEDY THAT FOOT SILENTLY SLIPPING OUT OF SIGHT I--

HONESTLY HOW DOES NATSUHIKO KEEP GETTING INTO THESE SITUATIONS

Good shonen boy Kou finally jumping into action to the rescue, because god knows without Hanako around there’s no one to do the saving of damsels in distress around here

‘I want to join too’ -- AWWW LOL THIS IS SO CUTE

and off they go bullying a fish like it’s a game, so sad I liked that whalefrogfish

is it ded. rip.

oh wow Natsu you kissed fish gullet, look how red your face is wow. Also you really shouldn’t think that you’re too funny to let die. You survived being thrown into Nowhere, you’ll survive fish llke Jonah did. But fr did Sakura throw you into a fish trash pit or smth

LOL OH YEAH KOU DOESN’T KNOW AND YEAH HE IS THE NO1 AIRHEAD FOR MITSUBA NOT KOU LOL

OHMYGOD HE DID A DRAMATIC SELF-INTRODUCTION WITH THE FLASH STEP AND ALL I LOVE U YOU DORK. YOU HUGE SHONEN DORK OF INDESTRUSCTIBLE COMIC RELIEF PROPORTIONS

ohmygod he called himself an Onii-san. He wants Kou to call him Onii-san. I am crying. Teru come back your lil bro’s being propositioned (w hA T a tiME for YoU TO Be GonE eH)

HAHAH THAT IDOL POSE. NO WONDER SAILOR MOON I AM DECEASED

KOU BABY IS SUSPICIOUS IM CRYING YES AS YOU SHOULD BE HUN (that font is just perfect *chef’s kiss*)

Natsuhiko just awkwardly perched there in the background

Touchy touchy LOL MITSUBA YOU SAID WHAT I THOUGHT

and yikes Natsuhiko’s pulling the same moves as Nene to gain kouhais lolol, aaah I’m starting to see similarities between them

HAHAH OMG *Kou otome ML move count: 3*

ooh what a shady guy. Natsu what do u know tell us tell us tell us

omg y u like this. whY do you sound so threatening now. I take it back you’re not harmless

W H A T

Natsuhiko do you mean to tell me you’re immortal????? Is that why you survive all these ridiculous levels of eldritch horror????

Fml he really looks like a vampire in that lighting. Esp since I can like see all his individual teeth what on earth is this level of detail Aidairo for once Natsuhiko looks like the cool mysterious guy he was meant to be

Just realised he has like a dyed hair thing going on kinda like Tsuchigomori. Don’t tell me. Natsuhiko are you Tsuchigomori’s secret love child.

‘There’s a bad energy coming from here’ --- pFFFT. He sounds like he’s trying to be a fengshui expert now. A conman

hmmmm??? Oh that wasn’t a phone?? what is that it’s an onsen...?

wait that is probably a phone nvm. I’m just jumping at every little detail like 👀 

so huh I’m assuming Tsukasa can’t handle no6 on his own either, so....or possibly Natsuhiko is acting on his own??

Ooh cool blankets, everyone has different flowers!! (*squints* no stop you can’t go looking for flower meanings everywhere)

And yes that’s a phone. Naatsuhiko just canonically has an onsen symbol phonecase just to show he’s a Chill Bro

lol Mitsuba i don’t think you need to worry you’re not a whole soul anymore

D’AWWWW LOOK AT ALL THOSE LITTLE CUTIES (sheep, elephant, bunnies (multiple), rubber duckling)

You. Natsuhiko. You’re the one most like a cat.

omg what a braggart. what a chest-thumping man u are Natsu-senpai

OMG KOU NOOO WE WERE MAKING PROGRESS HE TAMED YOU ANYWAY

hahahahha I’m crying. Even Natsuhiko’s conscience is touched by Kou’s trusting naivete I can’t

oh my god. but thank god Teru-nii still comes first he still hasn’t completely seduced you over to the dark side just yet

awwww, Kou. Awww. He really, really wants to do his best to save them all. I--

Aw yay Natsu is touched to the point he’ll help!! Hopefully he wasn’t lying!! I hope there isn’t a sacrifice involved-

oh???

Onix (srsly I really love all the lotuses everywhere. really going Buddhist symbology there)

look at dat foot. it go.

oh!! we’re fresh at the battlescene!!

!!!!!!

IT’S ALIVEEEE

I guess these guys are too useful to let rot in the trashpit eh

?? For one moment I thought we were looking down into the trashpit at our missing 4 lmao. But why. No 6 you’re coming off as ...naturally innocent??? Dang. Let this cutie rest

I’m genuinely curious how on earth this no 6 is not a god on his own. (It’s funny to me that I’m coincidentally writing about a god like this as well at the same time.) How does he rank equal to the others. How is Hanako even his boss have they ever met before I demand a full show of Hanako’s powers one day. We’re not even sure what his boundary is. Or is it that he only has the power of life and death on those in his boundary?

(edit: just realised that if Tsukasa is behind Natsuhiko then no6 is basically Tsukasa’s dream power - necromancy. He could build all the Frankensteins his little heart ever wanted)

oof there go the minions. I love how they have little buds on their heads. Every minion of his is ‘living’! And they’re like the first with individuality I’ve seen...?

oh he thinks Aoi did this purposely? Pfft she got dragged in there

juijuirjfuerjcjkekerjckdediejdiedmwec. I am so worried. But fr this one panel of Aoi is so beautiful.

Huh the hole is a starburst shape? 6 points hmm --oh wait im dumb it’s closing up oh no

LOL KEIKAKU DOORI

But shiet really how did he see to that. By giving her power over those specific bugs?? Planting info of that hole in her?

IM SCREAMING THAT’S THE END OF IT THAT’S IT TILL NEXT MONTH

[godzillamendoza]

YouTube Is Failing. I don’t know if I can keep this up forever.

I think its time I gave some of my take on this whole thing going on lately. If you’re unaware, YouTube is striking content for very silly reasons, some of which it refuses to explain. Videos get demonetized for no reason now because YouTube’s AI is biased to pick on certain channels, and the whole thing is trying to push a more family friendly, ant-controversy feeling. A lot of people are talking about the way the system works now, how creators are effected, and how there’s not much hope of fixing it. I decided that I wanted to talk about how its affecting me on an emotional level, having this anvil on a string above my head with “not suitable for all advertisers” written on it. 

As per usual, here’s a stream of consciousness rant about where I feel like all this is going for myself personally. Some of this I wrote down while texting a friend on the subject and then realizing that these points were probably important to share on a broader scale. 

I love making videos on this platform, but I feel like we're running on borrowed time. ​Its only a matter of time before this is not long financially viable and I have to drop all hopes of using it as a career. I've wanted to make it as a YouTuber since I started watching the site in 2008 and made my own channel in 2010. Now it feels like right when I'm making progress and have an audience, I'm only weeks out from getting shanked by the system and left to bleed in a gutter while my loving followers stand in a circle and panic while they fail to close the wound. Then I’ll be left to start over in some other entertainment field that's far less accessible than YouTube once was. All my life I’ve wanted to be a public persona and an entertainer. Ever since I was a kid. I felt it most when I became isolated and alone in middle school. But I’m getting ahead of myself. 

A lot of people begged me to start the Patreon as a last ditch effort to keep a steady flow of revenue before the bot inevitably notices all the times I committed to dark comedy and swear words in my videos.  Now, the thing is, Patreon and stream donations are entirely dependent on the kind of audience loyalty I have.  ​If I can't continue to grow as a channel, that audience stagnates.  ​If I can't keep providing videos for that audience, they will stop caring, regardless of how loyal they are right now.  They can't keep donating to someone who isn't posting videos anymore. Its a waste of their money and I don’t think they should do that. ​The paradox is that if I can't keep producing in a way that narrowly slips past the censors and bots, I will implode, but the more content I produce, the closer I get to being unable to make more content.  I need a steady stream of content going or else I'll be forgotten. I can't keep a steady stream if YouTube is kneecapping creators in favor of whoever gets them the most cash. If the money doesn’t keep flowing, I’ll have to get a normal job and then have even less time to make videos, meaning that I’ll just get closer and closer to having to quit entirely because its going back to being a profitless hobby that’s distracting me from being responsible and working for a living. 

I’ve heard others tell me that I can get by if I just go PG with the whole thing. That’s more difficult than it may seem.  ​I'd be unable to put out a lot of gameplay videos because games are almost always violent and Kyle and I almost always cuss because that’s how my friend and I communicate. That’s our normal banter. Censoring that to fit the guideline and talking to each other with restrictions becomes disingenuous and its more clear that I’m trying to do the video to appease YouTube than to have fun. However,  ​I can avoid cussing in reviews. In fact, in the Marvel nemesis review I said "shit" once and zero f-words.  That wasn't even intentional honestly, I just didn't have a reason to swear that much. I think in my scripted material, I can exercise self control and avoid more adult oriented language and material, but that sort of limits the tone and humor people have come to expect from me and like about my channel. 

My goal from day one was to be a comic channel that can have fun and isn’t quite as rigid or sterile as the others. Other comic channels do two things. They look at the material as something to be taken too seriously and avoid having any kind of humor towards it, often functioning as a sort of fanboy echo chamber to perpetuate safe and sterile opinions on this material without having a sense of identity or memorability. The other thing they do is become this sort of manufactured and dishonest figure, by really jumping on the train to make easy money and ride the sudden popularity of the medium that sprang up in the past decade. They report on and commentate on comics, but they often feign interest in it or turn their nose up at it with a subtlety that says to me, “I secretly think this is ridiculous and people who like this are more so, but they give me money so whatever lol Spider-Man radiation semen in Spider-Man Reign, remember that?????? I’ve never even read that story but I bring it up constantly for the lulz” I honestly fucking despise both. I felt like most comic channels (with exceptions of course) gave this medium a bad name by taking it too seriously or not seriously enough. I thought the thing that made me unique was by staying in the middle and making jokes where appropriate, but also expressing my genuine love and fascination at others. And it was working. People were noticing and I was picking up steam. Now in the past few weeks, I feel like I’ve been unable to increase my audience. I can’t seem to gain subscribers in the pace I used to, and even my comic book related videos are under-performing. I don’t think this is the fault of my current audience, I think they’re more excited than ever. I think its that the system is becoming increasingly hostile towards creators and making it harder to get noticed and build upon an established audience unless it was ALREADY massive. Channels with 2 million+ subs get promoted more and more, while channels with only a few thousand are either getting dismantled by the robot or just struggling to ice-skate uphill and get more views. Some mothafuckas’ always trying to ice skate uphill.  So in addition to being worried about being unable to keep making things the way I do without losing financial stability, I’m also worried that I won’t be able to keep growing with the safe and sterile content I’d have to make to keep being financially stable, and the way I’m making things currently is also being actively ignored by YouTube because I don’t spam 15 videos a day to stay relevant in the eyes of the promotion bot. Its a 3 pronged problem. You can almost turn it into some kind of complex equation. But the end result is that I’m getting stuffed from 3 different angles and its looking more grim as I go. In all honesty, I don’t see my channel surviving past the end of 2018. I can already imagine myself making a teary eyed video explaining that I can’t do this anymore because I can’t afford to pay my bills.

Honestly, this is very stressful for me. The thing I love doing most, the thing that I felt like gave my life meaning for the past 3 years... its being taken away little by little. I used to get made fun of for the things I liked. People actively avoided me in school for the comic books and video games because those weren't cool things to them. Now people respect me for liking those things and think I'm cool for knowing so much about both. I took my weakness and made it a strength.  I have this legion of amazing people that treat me like I'm important now and I feel like once I can't provide entertainment for them anymore, they'll forget about me. And then I'll just have to work at the grocery store and never express my ideas and opinions. I'll just get set back to being a face in the crowd that barely anyone talks to. I don’t know what to do anymore. Best I can hope for is to just keep making things for my small but respectable audience. I’ll keep making them laugh and making them think and then when I can’t do it anymore, we’ll part ways and I’ll find a new way to entertain. And I’ll just pray to whatever’s out there that those fans will remember the times I made them laugh or made them think, and they’ll smile and ask “whatever happened to GodzillaMendoza?” And hopefully they’ll find me in whatever new corner of the world I’m in trying to make a living being creative, and they’ll support that new dumb endeavor. I really feel like I have something to give to the world as a creator. Its just hard to do that sometimes, but generations before mine had it harder. Steven Spielberg and John Carpenter and pre-scumbag-George Lucas all had their own uphill battles becoming household names. They had to fight to put their ideas out there in a vacuum. The sad reality is, for a short time in society, it became super easy to be a big name creative type, no matter what you looked like, what you were into, and where you were from. For a time, anyone could have made it to the big-time. I’m trying my best, and maybe through some sheer accident I can be one of those people. But as it is now, it looks like I may have hopped on just a few years too late. It won’t be easy anymore. It’ll go back to being this infinite struggle to be heard or noticed. Both as a person, and as a creative voice. I dread that feeling, but I suppose deep down, I’m ready for it. 

Being me was never meant to be easy. With every personal struggle, every abusive father, every financial hurdle, every cheating girlfriend and broken heart, every lie I’ve been told by someone I trusted, every cruel school bully, every time I had to fall back on a handful of pills to make it through the day without collapsing... with all of that plus run-on sentences-- I’ve gotten used to fighting to simply exist. Maybe this is just part of that. I can’t exist without art. Videogames, comics, movies, books, every other kind. It all makes me who I am, and its all I feel like I can give to the world. I’ll keep trying to give that until there’s nothing left of me. I never wanted to be rich and famous. I just wanted to live comfortably and stress-free doing the things that make me happy. Being an adult for a year and being responsible for myself taught me there’s no such thing as living comfortably or stress-free. Its always a battle with the world and yourself. So fuck it, I guess I’ll just keep going anyway. Live through the despair with blind hope and just pretend that I’m not freaking out constantly. This is going to get a lot worse and might not ever get better, but I can’t give up. I’m not particularly handsome. I can’t be some innovative inventor that will fix society’s problems. I don’t have the influence to reshape society and make the world more peaceful with a silver tongue. 

All I can do is try to make living on Earth a little more fun for other people with this warped imagination of mine. Without sharing my creativity, I really have nothing left. I won’t live through that.