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desiraypark · 4 years

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Earth Angel

Continuation of SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL Characters: Flip Zimmerman x Mae (OC - Blk/F) Content: Fluffy/romantic; then a nasty lil’ quickie (PIV sex; FeedFlipSomeTiddies1975) Inspiration: Me telling some friends that this photoshoot (particularly the shirtless with hand in pocket photo) gave me “fuck you in the back of a Volkswagen on the way to Woodstock” energy lol

January 2, 1975 Dear Mae, I hope you had a good New Year’s Eve. And day. Also hope these letters haven’t been too much. I just think about you a lot I just enjoy talking to you. But anyway, I was thinking about my New Year’s resolutions. I’ve never really been big on them but thought 1975 would be the year I give one or two a try. Before I knew it, I got the crazy idea to go on a road trip. From Colorado Springs to Miami, perhaps? Shouldn’t take more than a few days--depending on how often we stop. Before I start stalling and using up this entire sheet to talk about bullshit, I’m going to come right on out and ask if you’d like to join me. I know it sounds crazy. But it would be nice to have some companionship and I can’t think of anyone else I’d like to see the country with. Let me know. Call me a fucking fool if needed. Best Regards, Flip _____________________ January 16, 1975

Flip Honey,

I’m definitely going to call you a fucking fool. You ARE a fucking fool. But God looks out for babies and fools, or however that phrase goes. I thought long and hard when I got your letter and you’ve got your answer: yes. I’d love to go on a road trip with you. Because I’m a fool, too. Spend a little change and call me when you get this, honey. You know the number. Better Regards, Mae

FEBRUARY 1975 Flip flew Mae out to Colorado Springs--her first plane ride. He’d temporarily exchanged his truck for a friend’s Volkswagen Transporter and filled it with supplies, dry foods, and toiletries.

He was like an excited kid at the airport, waiting for Mae to walk through--and boy, did she! She wore a heavy red coat with some kind of fur at the collar and had her hair pinned up like a Park Avenue socialite. She had on a navy skirt or a dress, and some black high-heeled boots. “Look at you!” she said, meeting him halfway. “Look at you,” he responded, wrapping his arms around her. “Looking great, as always.” It was about 4:30 when she and Flip arrived to his house. They’d picked up a pizza, sat in front of the television with it, and talked until they fell asleep. Eventually, they moved to the bedroom. “No funny business, now,” Mae had said. Flip laughed. “You’d be too tired to keep up.” But they didn’t try a thing. Even with Mae’s perfect ass against him, and Flip’s strong arm holding her close, they didn’t try a thing. They slept through the night and hit the road for St. Louis (and whatever was in between) at 6:00AM on the dot. They got to St. Louis at about seven in the evening and stopped at a diner.

“Thank you for saying yes to this, Mae,” Flip said before biting into a crispy chicken sandwich. She nodded. “Thank you for askin’, Flip.” The lamp above them was dusty, but it made Mae look like an angel. Flip looked over her face. Every inch of it. And Mae felt him staring. The blood rushed to her cheeks and she looked down at her seasoned fries. “Why are you acting shy?” he asked. Mae shrugged. “Because you’re lookin’ at me all...I don’t know...” Flip’s chest bounced, but no sound came out. Only a grin formed on his face--he was slightly amused by the sight. A woman who’d bounced up and down on him every night in Miami, suddenly blushing and averting her eyes over dinner. But he knew what had her blushing. They both knew that the air was different between them. And it wasn’t just because of the St. Louis cookin’.

They finished off their food, got some gas, and found a motel to stay in. Even though they both know good and well they wanted to fuck each other’s brains out, the ride had worn them down a little. Especially Flip. Once again, they climbed in bed (well, on top of the bed, because Mae didn’t trust the sheets), and drifted off. ____________________ The Next Morning Flip and Mae hit the road just before sunrise. The road was empty and as much as Mae wanted to see the beautiful morning sky, she fell back asleep. Eventually, Flip turned the car radio on and hummed the songs to himself. Soon, the disk jockey decided to take him back about twenty years--when he was a tall, lanky kid who had nothing to get into but trouble. “Eaaarth angel, earth angel...will you be miiiine...my darling dear, love you all the ti-ime...” Flip perked up, turned the volume up and sang quietly to himself. He even tapped his thumbs against the steering wheel. “I'm just a fool, a fool in love with you...” he sang along. He glanced in Mae’s direction. She was slumped in the seat, the top of her head facing him. One of the buttons of her flannel shirt had popped open because her tits were so damned big. He looked back at the road and shook his head at his own self. He knew what was happening. Passion rushed his veins. His brain was foggy with adulation. Then, he looked gave her one more glance. She looked so good. Flip scanned every road sign he drove by for the next few miles--hoping for an indication of a truck stop or something. And there it was--a park en route! He followed the signs to the public park and drove through in search of a place to park. It took little time for him to find the park’s most discreet area--a wide open circle of dirt adjacent to a seemingly endless forest.

It was early in the morning. No one else was there. Just the birds and insects that flitted and flew from tree to tree. Flip parked the van and tapped Mae’s thigh. Her eyes popped open quickly. “Mae?” “Yeah?” she asked yawning. “What’s wrong?!” “If I don’t get your tits in my mouth right now, I’m gonna lose my fuckin’ mind.” _____________________ Mae was nothing but nerves as her and Flip climbed into one of the back seats. Mae started undoing her pants, but Flip grabbed her shirt and ripped it open, sending the buttons flying. “Flip!” she cried. He grunted and pushed the cups of her bra up--causing her breasts to spill out. Then, he wrapped his lips around her left nipple, massaging the entire breast in the process. Mae ran her fingers through his hair, and watched him feast like a starving man. He held onto her breast as though it were going to run away from him, and moved his mouth to the other one--also giving the nipple a hard suck. “Shit, Flip,” Mae whispered. “I missed you so much...” “Me, too Babygirl. Me, too...” he mumbled.

He devoured her breasts for a few minutes before removing his belt and undoing his jeans. Mae lifted her leg--pulling it closer to her, and unzipped her boot. Flip grabbed the heel and pulled it off. They repeated the process on her other boot--which was hanging over the back of the seat. As Mae worked at her own jeans--pushing the denim and her panties down to the floor simultaneously--Flip pulled out his wallet, yanked out a condom and slid it on. He sucked his index and middle finger and shoved it into Mae’s pussy. She let out quiet moans as he worked her open, preparing her for him. “I want you to get on top. You think you can handle that?” he asked. “You know I can.” Flip bit his bottom lip and pulled his fingers out. Jeans stuck around his knees, he sat up and pressed his ass down on the leather seats. Mae sat up, straddled him, and gave him a hot, wet kiss. Flip held her hips and slowly--carefully--eased her down onto his rock-hard length. “Fuck...” they both groaned. Mae worked over him a little--trying to find comfort as he split her open like a log for firewood. Then, she began to bounce. He grabbed her hips and stared at her face. He couldn’t stare into her eyes--she had then squeezed shut, and was biting her lip. “There you go, beautiful,” he mumbled. He gave her ass a slap. “Mmph!” she hummed. She rested against his chest and wrapped her arms around his neck--groaning and clenching her teeth every time his tip hit the right spot. “Are you holding your moans in?” he asked. She was. But she wasn’t conscious of it until he asked. Suddenly, she realized the van was also bouncing and squeaking. Her eyes popped open and she scanned their surroundings. “There’s nobody out here,” Flip said, moving his hands directly onto her ass. He guided her up and down, and up and down--harder and faster. “Shit!” she shouted. “That’s right. Make all the noise you need to. Don’t hold that shit in. Didn’t I tell you in Florida?” he asked, his gruff voice booming so close to her ear that it made her temporal lobes feel like they were vibrating. “I’m gonna make you scream my name every time.” He smacked her ass hard. “Every...time.” “Oh, God...” Mae moaned. She fell against his chest again and closed her eyes--temporarily removing her own sense of sight so that touch was enhanced. She felt Flip’s chest moving up and down under hers; the calloused flesh of his large palms holding and kneading her ass cheeks; his dick dragging along her walls. Then, a hand moved away from her ass. He shoved it into the tight space between them and found her clit. “Fuck!” Mae shouted. She sat up and stared into his dilated pupils. Her breasts smacked his chin until he stuck his tongue out and was able to capture one her nipples again. Mae’s bouncing slowed down. She leaned across him once more, lifted her lower body just before the head of his dick came out of her, and expertly slid back down. Flip let go of her breast to let out an expletive. “Do that shit again,” he said, throwing his head back and staring up at her. She did as requested--lifting off of him almost completely, then sliding back down. She did it one more time, and before she could lift a fourth time, Flip wrapped his arms around her waist, kept her down, and began to thrust up into her. “Aaah!” she cried. He dug deep inside of her, making her feel every pulse and every drag against her velvety walls--reminding her of what she hadn’t been getting for months. His pace was moderate, but each thrust was deep. He abruptly paused his stroke, grabbed her hair, and tilted his chin up. “You feel that dick deep inside of you, baby?” he whispered freakishly low. He pressed into her deeper. Deeper than she realized was possible. “Yes...” she squealed. Her nails dug into the nape of his neck. “Does it feel good?” “Yes, Flip, yes...” she mumbled, shaking her head in disbelief. Flip gripped her scalp and banged into her one hard time. “Can’t hear you...” he said, his voice going above a whisper. “YES! FUCK!” she began to grind into him. “I wanna come, Flip. Please, make me come. Please!” Mae pleaded. Flip picked up his pace again, and Mae met his thrusts. “Lean back and let me see you rub that pretty clit,” he said. “I’ve got you.” Mae leaned back and Flip held her with a palm against her lower back--making sure she didn’t fall backward. As she bounced her squelching pussy on his length, she rubbed her clit with the pads of her fingers. In no time, the heat began to build up in her belly. She tightened around him, and worked herself toward her release, screaming to the van’s ceiling. As she came, he drilled into her hard. “Fliiiiip! Yesssssssss!” she squealed, breasts bouncing all over the place. “Fffuuuuck!”

Flip began pumping shallow thrusts up into her--surrendering to the rush that soon fell over him. Mae looked down with a sweet (and pleased) smile as she rode out her wave--enjoying the spurt of warmth that filled her up. She could tell that it was a lot, too. Only a thin layer of protection keeping their sweet saps from merging and creating something more.

Flip pulled her back to him and devoured her mouth. Then, they took a few minutes to catch their breath. Soon, they put their clothes back on. Mae had to dig in her suitcase for another shirt. Despite the place still being empty, Flip discreetly tossed his condom in a large garbage bin nearby. He climbed into the van and looked over at Mae. She returned the glance and burst into laughter, and he did the same.

“Need me to drive, big boy?” she asked smirking. “No. You just sit back and look pretty for me,” Flip said. He slapped her thigh and started the Volkswagen back up.

They left the park warm and satisfied, and made their way down to Tennessee.

____________________ TAG LIST @aloneandsleepless @tsarinastorm If you’d like to be on any of my tag lists, please leave a comment on my Tag List Request post!

#flip x mae

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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754

Does anyone know your bank pin number other than you? Who? I don’t even have one of those yet.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? I'm not sure. I know she's told me before about being diagnosed with depression, but I’ve forgotten if it’s mild or severe, or if she has the whole thing or is just showing symptoms of it. She only mentioned it in passing so I figured it wasn’t something she wanted to touch on further.

Would you be able to climb out your bedroom window to sneak out? Probably but I’d have to be really careful to not end up shattering my legs or any other part of my body haha, but knowing me I’d probably land badly. I live on the second floor but the house isn’t that high, so I think I could give it a shot.

What would you do if you found out the last person you called was pregnant/got someone pregnant? I’d be very confused because she’s very gay and also because she’s only been staying at home since March.

Can you taste the difference between brand name food and store brand food? I wouldn’t be able to relate since store brand’s not really a thing here. Only SM makes their own stuff but they’re purposely cheaper because they’re meant to be of lower quality to begin with. Other than that, we don’t really have a choice but buy brand name.

Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? Just the tampons, probably. I never need condoms so I have no reason to feel awkward buying them, and in fact I’ve volunteered to buy them for Angela whenever she feels shy haha; I definitely have no reason to be embarrassed buying pads because periods are a thing. I will likely feel most awkward getting tampons since I don’t know any one person who uses them where I live and it’ll most likely be seen as an unusual purchase since they’re quite uncommon.

If a stranger went in your room, would they be able to tell what gender you are from just looking at it? Probably. I have a poster of Nam Joo Hyuk, several Audrey Hepburn memorabilia, and a lot of pink stuff so it very much looks like a stereotypical girly room. I do think it’s kinda balanced out by the amount of WWE merch I own, but yeah otherwise my other stuff screams girly.

Are your parents gullible? When it comes to home stuff my mom is basically a witch; she can immediately tell if my dog peed somewhere, if I lost something, or if a dining chair isn’t positioned right. But when it comes to fake news on Facebook she will occasionally flock to them hahaha I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to remind her that phones DO NOT emit radiation from 12AM to 5AM and that it’s only a ploy to get people to sleep early lmfao. My dad is pretty intelligent and won’t be easily fooled about anything.

Do you still own a VCR? I know my parents owned one but I don’t know if they still brought it here when we moved 12 years ago or if they already threw it out.

About how much money have you spent on food in the past two weeks? :( Zero pesos. The only thing I’ve spent on this entire quarantine was a bottle of soju I asked my dad to buy and I paid him after.

If you were in a car accident would the last person you kissed care? Yes.

If you were looking for a new pair of shoes where would you go? UPTC since they have like ten shoe stores there.

How much was the last pair of shoes you bought? I haven’t had a new pair in like a year now, but the last one we bought cost arounddddd ₱4200, if I remember correctly.

What color is the computer/laptop you’re on? Did you buy it yourself? Gray. No, it was a gift from my parents.

Do you have a second home? I guess I count my childhood home my second home. My grandma and cousins remain in that house, so we visit from time to time and when we’re there I’ve noticed that I still retain the same tendencies and habits from when I still lived there.

Would you be surprised if you saw the last person you texted smoking? I’ll use the last person I chatted in this context since I haven’t texted in a hot minute, and that person would be Andrew. I’d be quite concerned since they’ve told me they’ve quit smoking, so there must be something extremely stressful going on for them to start smoking. I’d check up on them immediately.

Does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you? I do super hate the smell of beer even though I have no other choice but to drink it sometimes; I still find the smell of cigarettes disgusting although my contempt for them has lessened over the last few years seeing as a lot of people I know are smokers so I’ve been around that smell a lot, and also because I’ve started too. I’ve never been around weed and I don’t know how it smells.

Was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? Younger by a month.

Do you think people have any misconceptions about you? Not really? What I get most frequently is people thinking I was grumpy at first, but tbh I am pretty grumpy so they aren’t far off from the truth. With me it’s usually a what you see is what you get thing whether someone’s meeting me for the first or the 78th time.

Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Nope, not a thing here. I’ve always found the variety of cookies so fascinating though and I’ve always wanted to try the Thin Mints and Samoas since they’re what I hear about the most :(

Do you like waffles? They’re okay, though I only ever eat waffles with fried chicken and never just by themselves. I prefer pancakes.

Do you watch birthing videos on a day-to-day basis? Nah man wtf? I have no reason to be doing that lmao.

Do you find piercings/tattoos attractive? I don’t find either attractive. I get curious when I see tattoo because I wonder what the story behind it is and what it means to the person who has it, that’s all. As for piercings, I don’t really like them < Pretty much. Like I don’t go looking around for tattoos on a person to find them attractive; I just like hearing the histories behind them. Same with piercings, I don’t need them to be attracted to someone.

Would you talk to someone you don’t know on the internet? Only on social media that I’m already familiar with and comfortable in, like on this Tumblr, or Twitter, sometimes Facebook. I wouldn’t go to like Quora to ask something or join forums or even post anything on Reddit.

How often do you drink Monster? Never. Energy drinks scare me lol.

Have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends? I’ve made those for myself, but not with friends. I remember filming a house tour with my flip phone’s video camera back when I was like, 8 hahaha I was ahead of our time for sure.

Do you like to buy those Warped Tour compilations? I don’t even know those existed. I just knew of Warped Tour and that all the cool bands of the time would play there, but that’s it. I’m clueless about everything else that goes on in there.

Do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? You mean just a restaurant? Inside, for sure. I would never agree to eating outside and am always willing to wait a few extra minutes. I hate having to contend with passersby while I eat my food as I feel that it ruins the experience as well as the time I have with the person/s I’m eating with.

Do you own a nightgown? No but I had duster dresses that I’d wear to bed as a kid, if that counts lol.

Have you ever made a house out of a giant cardboard box? Probably not. My mom wouldn’t allow us to play with those and she’d immediately view them as trash that needs to be thrown out.

Have you ever made a tent out of sheets in your bedroom? No. I usually used the sheets as a cape or robe, then I’d pretend to be a queen.

Do your grandparents know how to operate a cell phone? My paternal grandparents do. My maternal grandfather used to regularly use a phone before he passed. My maternal grandmother refuses to learn :(

Have you ever had sex or something like it? Hahahaha ‘something like it.’ Yeah, I’ve had sex.

Have you ever read a George Orwell book? I tried reading 1984 when I was like 13 but didn’t understand it from the get-go. I haven’t continued it since but honestly I’m very open to revisiting it one of these days.

Have you ever worn fishnets? I don’t remember ever doing so. I feel like it’d be so uncomfortable; I hate wearing stockings as it is.

How many piercings and tattoos do you have? I only have my ears pierced and no tattoos < Sameeee.

Is someone in your family affected by Asperger’s? Nope.

In a hotel do you always nose through all the drawers and cupboards? Hahahahaha yeah, just out of curiosity. I’ve never seen anything interesting, but I keep trying.

Would you rather go out to eat or be eaten out? Be eaten out right now. I’ve had too much abstinence from sexual activity for my own liking lol < Ok it’s 1 in the afternoon but SAME lol

Do you always wear your seat belt? Honestly, no and it’s a shitty habit that I need to correct ASAP. I never notice that I’m not wearing them until it’s one of my parents riding with me and they scold me for driving out of the village without a seatbelt. I do put it on when I enter bigger cities with more police patrolling the area like Ortigas and Makati, or when I drive out of town, but usually it stays off.

Have you ever liked someone much older than you? No. I’ve had a crush on a teacher, but I obviously didn’t legit like him haha.

Have you ever been in a play? Just the annual school plays we do that all students are required to be a part of. I forgot to mention this in a recent survey but I was in an acting club in Grade 1 and I played Cinderella’s prince in our culminating play, heheh.

Do you have any secrets that nobody knows about? Sure.

Is there ice cream in your freezer? Yeah. My parents love ice cream so we always have an ample supply of their favorite flavors. Sometimes we’ll also have a tub of cookies and cream since it’s our (the kids’) favorite flavor.

Have you ever started to laugh but played it off as a cough successfully? For sure. I always laugh at inappropriate moments so I do fake coughs a lot.

Have you ever liked the lyrics of a band but hated the music? I suppose so. Hate is a strong word and I’d rather not use it, but while the music my girlfriend listens to wouldn’t be what I’d tune into on a regular basis, the lyrics are admittedly very well-written and intelligent and reflective, and I don’t mind it when she shares her favorite songs with me :)

Does your bathroom have a window? Yes but they’re high up on the wall.

Do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? No, I’m really scared of threading :( Everyone always gets out of the salon with their eyebrow area all red and tingling and it’s enough to scare me off of threading forever lmao. I’m not very conscious about how my own eyebrows look, so I just let them grow out.

When you were younger did you read the A Series Of Unfortunate Events books? I’ve only seen snippets of the movie.

Who was the last band you saw live? Paramore. I miss them already.

Do you believe prayer really works? I’m not gonna invalidate the fact that it works for a lot of people. But it’s just not my cup of tea, and I honestly don’t know how to feel whenever someone says they pray for me since I don’t believe in it anyway. Of course I thank them, but on the inside I’m always a little puzzled.

Are you a fan of the band Gym Class Heroes? Never been. I know Stereo Hearts and that was always a fun song to sing, but it’s not my favorite either.

Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats? I don’t really have either, but I’d go with frosted flakes I guess?

Have you been on a date in the park? I would love to have one of these if we actually had parks. How nice would it be to take a long stroll, have a picnic, and just sit on a bench talking for hours?

Ever dated someone you were best friends with first? Yes. At first I didn’t want to risk it since we were reeeeeally close, but I don’t regret asking her out.

Are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? Thankfully no. Although my grandpa and his sister did pass from heart attacks and I’m starting to be scared that it might develop to be a pattern for some of us. But other than that, both sides of the family are relatively healthy.

Do you have asthma? No. But Gab does and I get really worried once her breathing becomes labored at night. I keep telling her to get a new nebulizer after her old one broke, but I dunno what’s become of that request of mine.

Are tongue piercings slutty? No, and it’s not like being slutty is a bad thing lol.

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? No one in real life but I do still have a crush on CM Punk who’s turning 42 this year hahah. I don’t think that crush is ever gonna go away.

Last person to take off your pants, besides you? Gab.

Do you remember those cool highlighters that smelled like popcorn? I knew about markers and ballpens, but not highlighters.

Might you enjoy hanging out in the woods for day or two? No thanks. I’d rather have somewhere to go home to or rest at by the end of the day, and if I was gonna do this I prefer to be with someone who knows a thing or two about surviving in the woods.

Have you ever written something on a bathroom stall? Nope. The worst thing I’ve done was write on one of the desks in grade school.

Least favorite alcoholic drink? Out of the ones I tried, I didn’t like whisky at all. Too bitter for me < Twins. I hated the ever living shit out of Jim Beam and Jack Daniels when I tried them.

Have you ever kissed someone named Paul or Luke? I haven’t. I have a cousin named Luke that I used to babysit and I kissed him a lot when he was a baby, if that counts lol.

How did you meet the last male you texted? I met them at the Marcos heroes’ burial protests. I have no idea how I started talking to them, but I think it was because they were wearing a Nexus shirt and I told them I like it, and we started talking from there.

Have you ever had an embarrassing email address? Yup. I wasn’t allowed to make an email address when I was young so I had to sneak around and make a fake Yahoo username so my parents would never find me. I don’t remember what it was anymore but it was for sure embarrassing so I’m just grateful my brain threw that memory out.

Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand? OMG this survey is so long. I put it on my left hand.

Do you have a bull ring through your nose? Nope, no piercings.

Do you and your dad get along? Better than my mom and I.

Can you see your purse right now? Nah, it’s in my room upstairs.

Are you wearing any perfume? What kind? I am not. I haven’t had a reason to in a while.

Are there products in your hair? Just shampoo and conditioner.

When you get colds, do you use nasal spray to help get your nose unstuffy? No. Whaaaat, those exist? I just blow my nose or just live through the stuffiness.

Do you actually like sneezing? I love it, it’s such an underrated sensation lmao. It feels better when you’ve actually been needing to sneeze for a while and it finally comes through.

Have you taken a shower yet today? Nope, I usually take them at night.

Do you have one best friend who is always there for you? I have two.

Do you wear skirts a lot? Not really, I don’t like skirts because I feel exposed wearing them. I prefer shorts.

Do you wear sweatpants a lot? Nope.

How many pairs of jeans do you think you have? I can remember five pairs right now, but I have many other kinds of bottoms in my closet like culottes and leggings.

Do you like hoodies? They’re okay. I find them more comfortable if they belong to someone else, hah.

Big ones or the form fitting kind? Form-fitting if I’m buying for myself; big ones if I’m borrowing from Gabie.

Do you wear polo shirts a lot? I never wear them. My mom made me wear them often as a kid and it made me feel like a boy, so I’ve kinda had a predisposition to be wary of them as I got older since I was teased frequently enough about being a tomboy as a kid as it is.

Did you ever actually have a rubber duck? I think we probably did.

Are you one of those people who claim to live with no regrets? I have one big regret and the rest of my ‘regrets’ are small and are stuff like “I regret not picking up food on my way home because I’m now hungry.” The way I’ve always thought is that I did the things I did before because I chose to do them and I was happy to do them, and I’ve honestly felt barely any regret even though things didn’t turn out the best. There’ve been mistakes but I’ve just chosen to learn from them instead of regretting them at the same time. Do you love your computer? Love it.

Do you drink coffee? Yeah. I’ve been doing it a lot this quarantine but I think it’s been giving me headaches, so I stopped for now.

Do you basically like all of your clothes? No. There are some at the bottom of the pile that I’m no longer crazy about anymore.

Do you shop mostly with your parents, your friends, or by yourself? My mom. She tends to know what looks best on me, and she also pays for the clothes hahaha.

#survey #surveys

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mattyslittleworld · 4 years

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dead mans coffee

July / 2020

Just woke up in my front seat, at a rest stop in Tennessee. First thing I saw was my ALL WILL SUFFER tattoo on my leg. A constant reminder of a different person. Tomorrow I’m getting coffee with Skrillex’s right hand man in Nashville, and I’m nursing a cold coffee in the heat watching this crazy lightning shoot across the skyline. It looks like the end of the world. Or some fucked up Lucero song. I must’ve pulled over for a second and closed my eyes and just dropped dead for hours while parked, I’m on the way to my hotel.

I am sitting in a diner on broadway in Nashville, TN. Nursing another shitty coffee booking meetings. As the texts come in I ignore them because they are covering the screen and distracting me from reading and studying how to properly sell my soul to the devil at the crossroads In Mississippi.

Clarksdale, Mississippi

12:30 am

Where Robert Johnson, Bob Dylan, and now, Matty Carlock, sold their souls to the devil.

December / 2020

Sitting in my home, in Hollywood, CA. I have the window open, and I hear the subtle sound of LA breathing, cars passing on the boulevard, sirens off in the distance, and a vinyl record of mine spinning at the lowest volume possible for me to still hear yet ignore it. I feel calm and at peace, although, it seems like a parallel feeling is war, confusion, imposter syndrome, abandonment, and skeptical. How could these two umbrellas of emotion coexist? Its very interesting. Ive been recording so much music that has nothing to do with my artist project. Its been liberating to put that aside for something greater. A new focus. Leaving artistry a vessel solely for extreme self expression and cathartic release.

July / 2020

Winding the day down, 10:30pm. With an open tab that reads “Tigers Jaw holiday show” - on pause. I open my Mac book on my couch, ready to go through stems and ratchet strip club beats, and it catches my eye. I press play and it leads me down a rabbit hole. I find myself watching “Never Saw It Coming” right into “Chemicals” / live in Boston. Like lightning it struck through my entire body. Maybe it was the 2 hour long conversation with Andy? And the memories we were trading. The bond we have over hard times, innocence, violence, literal blood on the pavement, years of freezing in the winter....nowhere to go. The people that were around - we made forever memories to these two songs. I right away, made a playlist that consists of “The Sun, I Saw Water, Chemicals, Never Saw It Coming, and Planes”. On top of that I found the live acoustic set they recorded and put out. When I was young on DIY tours, sleeping on floors, dirty as shit, poor as shit, a human being at the very best.....the uncertainty of my near future was so bleak. I remember Title Fight came out with their record “Shed” - and the song “where am I?” would lay me down on long drives, or on the floor. I’d watch white lines pass one by one by one into the abyss of nothing.

The line

“Another floor

A different ceiling than the night before

Where am I?

While you’re back home”

Missing my girlfriend at that current time, leaving, and just laying on a strangers floor thinking where am I while you’re back home? What am I doing? Maybe there’s nothing only this moment?

On the tigers jaw live EP they covered this acoustic and it’s everything right now. I am fortunate to live a block away from the sunset strip - and I grabbed my skateboard and just bolted into the night.

This SO SPECIFIC FEELING of these songs. That nobody in this environment will ever understand. It’s so beautiful. It’s so real. It’s so raw. It’s exactly what I need right now - as the past 3 weeks I’ve been living here have moved faster than the past 4 years. A loss of identity easily awaits you. It’s like you fight your whole life for that moment, to get to where you dream of, to get a shot. Scrape and crawl. And then reset. Since I’ve been living in Hollywood my day to day has been a huge mirror for me. The parts of myself I’ve been trying out run have caught me. Maybe all of this could coexist?

March 2nd / 2021

Spring is here. Its 75 degrees in LA and theres this new thing I noticed while driving around…..the overbearing smell of flowers in the air. It sounds like a movie. Its fucked up cause It felt like a funeral in my car. I was like what the fuck is happening? It smells like a small funeral in here….are my dreams dying? Am I dying? Is punk dead? Okay its just a Ryan gosling movie out here I guess. Whatever lets go. Here’s some hatrebreed. But the windows are down. My mood is different. My spirit is lifted, which ive been desperate to say. I automatically get punched in the guts with the feeling of driving so fucking fast, and blasting title fight. Skateboarding. Looooooooooong drives with fucked up friends to out of state shows no one will be at. Im listening to Stab by Title Fight - off the Shed LP. What a specific time in my life this brings back. That I usually talk about on this little throw up blog often. Spring is such a pivotal time in my life every year. Since covid shows stopped - human decency stopped - community stopped - my natural habitat was taken from me, and all of my friends and family. I remember living in New York in 2011. At the New Yorker. I was studying at the Institute Of Audio Research to be a janitor in my home town. Because that’s what they teach you. Instead of studying compression, and listening to washed up hacks talk to me about music, I would walk out my building onto 8th ave. B Line it Penn Station. Get on the LIRR and ride that shit right into the best LI shows every night I could. Id meet all my friends from Jersey / NYC / Philly and even Baltimore because it was so common to make it a priority to no matter what, drive hours on end to support a hardcore shows and to not lose touch with the hundreds around the country that you call family. Drive to Richmond for a shows on a Monday night, go off, hit a diner after with your new found tribe, then drive home, be back at 6 am, and just stumble into your bullshit job with a black eye or scratches all over you. It was all worth it. Probably quit that job anyway to go on tour with your friends band and live as gypsies for the entire summer too. Spring embodies this spirit for me. Church parking lots in Doylestown, PA - full of kids from all over the country, who left their problems in their hometown, to just get on the road with their best friends and basically start a new life. It is just amazing how formative those years were for a lot of my friends. I have people I met at shows from all over the country messaging me always checking in, and supporting, and sometimes it feels like I know them better than my first cousins, aunts and uncles. We were at war together. We fought against the world together. We found ourselves together. We created shit from nothing. Determination and passion. Oh no….Planes by Tigers Jaw just came on. You know the vibe. This shit just hits so different now as a pop / hip hop producer. This PA scene, mixed with NJHC, just stood me up and gave me confidence to have my own voice, my own thoughts, and to fight back. Something about being in a shitty car and it smells like dirty vans and like…..axe to cover up the smell. BELTING Basement and car moshing and almost driving off a bridge. Listen. I know every single blog is about this. But fuck you fight me. ITS CALLED SELF EXPRESSION GRANDMA. SO STRAP INTO YOUR BOOT THINGS AND ENJOY THE RIDE TO NOWHERE. Its been crazy living in LA. I live directly on Hollywood BLVD, on the Walk Of Fame. Where I was almost killed two weeks ago over someones gang that my ass is not in. My guy looked at me and said YO YOU MATTY? And I was listening to Taylor swift in my headphones walking back from Starbucks and it was so funny how different my energy was. I was like bro can you kill me already dude because these Taylor tones are so good that they gunna just end up killing me anyway. So perfect timing. I think the guy was mad at my friend to say the least lol. But every night its loud 808’s, the sounds of the city, amazing energy, and neon lights shining in from lit up billboards off the BLVD. Its such a culture shock for me. I feel like im too aggressive just from being east coast. But its just what it is. It took me a little to adapt to being in sessions and meetings with seasoned people in this industry who have major cuts and recognition. But I just learned to double down on myself, and be as authentic as I possibly can be. Theres nothing like crushing writing sessions in the pop realm, then turning off my shit, unplugging, and run into the night with my skateboard and old punk records. It’s almost like my own secret that is becoming my blood. I haven’t been communicating with the ones who like my music, have interest in what im doing, come to my shows etc - since I touched down here….I just unplugged….started writing HEAVY and decided to dedicate months to getting better, learning, becoming smarter, discovering a vision that’s much broader than what were sold, finding myself, making sure my wisdom is parallel to my age - if not wise beyond my years. A lot of artists and bands SING, PLAY, PERFORM, PROMOTE. But I have decided to WATCH, ATTEND, and LISTEN. Everynight I sit down with tea, unplug, and spin records on my turntable…in the dark, in my living room, alone….all kinds of records. From The National, to Springsteen, to Title Fight, to Hendrix, to the rare Troublemaker LP and 7” I have…..Sharon Van Etten, Jesse Malin…..ugh. Its just bliss. Pure bliss. Right now im drinking coffee and bouncing from listening to Into It Over It and American Football. I spent all last night rapping my ass off, mixing, and singing ref vocals for other people. It was so fun. Im finding a lot of my new material is this spirit im talking about - but over hip hop production. I want to tell my life story and combat the stereotypes of modern rap and pop music with true intentions and unique tones of untold stories that press, radio, and this market usually doesn’t get fed. Ive also realized a lot of music I was promoting over the past year to come out (prior to the pandemic) hasn’t come out….and I know people are questioning that….what is happening? So before covid I had German solo dates booked - and then I was going to the UK right after. I have a bunch of single drops lined up with music videos. Some you can guess with who. And then the pandemic hit and I canceled everything and decided to pivot my focus into my passion for songwriting and production, instead of sitting around “waiting for shows to come back.” I pretended that shows were never going to come back and doubled down on my career as a producer, that at the time, still is, moving forward at a faster rate than my artist shit. So I packed my shit after offers, and opportunity presented themselves. Touched down on a Tuesday, with meetings that Friday. Off to the races. In sessions that following Monday. Fast forward here we are. Hungry, learning, learnt, turned 30. Looking at the next decade like Mcgregor at the weigh in. Fight ready. Ive learned so much since the fall that all of the music I had planned on releasing, I loaded it back up, tore it apart, and re built it. So its not stale, so its not expired, so its not “then”….so its NOW. Which im so glad I did, and im doing. I don’t think ive been in the booth more. My mind is so stimulated by this wave im on. And its got me in a good place. Now that the spirit of spring is here, my mental health is going to be taking a big leap as well and im going to do everything I can to just flood all of this content. I think Never Meant by American Football is the best song ever made. Me and Mike were talking about doing a song together a few months ago and that would be such a trip for me.

I wanted to talk about my recent trip to Joshua Tree. I was invited by Christopher Thorn from Blind Melon to live at his studio for a few days to write together. I didn’t really know what to expect. I met him once or twice thru Clinch, and just around the Sea Hear Now circle back east, and I was familiar with No Rain (his hit). We got on the phone, picked a weekend where it’d work for both of us, got some covid tests, and boom. Packed my shit again (right off a flight back from New York, where I shot 3 music videos, and did 1 remote session in 2 fucking days), and drove out to the desert. There is no address so I had a map. It was epic. It was in the desert desert. Like THE DESERT FAM. Coyotes at night, snakes and shit. The air was so dry, your lips would get chapped to let you know death was right around the corner so you better man up baby boy. Beforehand - from all the traveling and flights, and burning myself out on videos and sessions, I found myself listening to a lot of acoustic Nebraska Springsteen type shit. John Moreland, or even like acoustic bayside, Lucero, Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits…..just pure music with no samples, not gridded, not sold, no machine, no click, just real live country music inspired by the human condition….of the earth. It was just speaking to my soul…..so when we booked this to get in the room together….man was I ready. I don’t think ive had an experience so fruitful to the soul. And ive played shows in Slovenia, and sipped espresso on a bridge that looked like a painting, staring at subtle mountain tops off in the distance like I was a character in some book. We started working at night and ran it up till like 3 am. As the sun came down the lights off in the distance miles and miles away were so clear because we were just the only life form around….and it would just shine into the studio windows and reflect on the perimeter making it seem like we were surrounded by New York City. It did a lot for my soul to play drums, acoustic, sing, play piano, shred electric, even mix a little. I felt like I made a very fast lifelong friend. Its been a minute since I got on with someone like that. We talked a lot about growing up touring. And wed finish each others sentences regarding topics that ONLY people like us would know. Like Subway being a life line for DIY touring, or the weird strange feelings of comfort from rest stops in the middle of nowhere at 4 am, the rest stop coffee that you get to just make the next 2 hours of the drive into town bearable. But then you see your boy from your band in the other aisle so you throw shit at him. Then you all stumble back into the van/bus and just disappear into the night. This shit was so needed for me. When Id wake up, id make espresso, and just sit out front and listen to Joe Rogan, at this random chair that was behind his studio, facing the mountains. Just endless property waiting to leave you 6 feet in the ground. I sat there and sipped my espresso, and just reflected on the long journey of my career. How many random moments like this ive found myself in since I was 15. In the middle of the desert where Springsteen hangs out with my heroes, off the strength of my songwriting. Or in Romania drinking coffee, fucked off, on a bench far from the venue, by random train lines in the pouring rain by myself. The farthest from humanity I can be. Or the random VFW hall in my head that I don’t even know where it is, with my little punk crew, who all smell like complete shit and cigarettes and soda, fucked off god knows where, just to finger point and sing along to this band we found on myspace that were in OUR hometown the weekend prior singing to our band. Theres just an endless string of memories that can go on forever, with stories that just fulfill a lifetime, of conversations that just make the white lines on I95 move faster. Or just everyone is quiet - reading a book - texting - exhausted from the night prior - and you just ABRUPTLY turn on teenage dream by Katy Perry SOOOO LOUD - take your shirt off and start dropping it like its hot from the passenger front seat, and catch a mid afternoon front flip stage dive into the backseat. From those youthful days of this underground spirit, to existing in a realm of pure monsters of my craft, I truly believe this next decade could co exist and be one for the books. Damn I feel good. Also me and Sasso started a book club called BSU and you can’t be in it because you probably read books and the only rule for our book club besides not speaking about book club is, you can’t read books. Okay im going to go buy a bike right now so I can ride It to Mexico and get abducted by the cartel and sold for bitcoin. FAREWELL EARTHLINGZ.

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heytherejones · 7 years

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can you do one where Jug has a motorcycle and takes betty on a ride and then they are in the middle of no where and do it on the motorcycle???? sorry, i have a rather dirty mind... lol

“Jug, I’m not getting on that.” Her green eyes grew wide, the strap of her pale blue sundress sliding off her shoulder, golden hair softly blowing in the wind as the sun set. She was a vision.

“Live a little Elizabeth.” He tightened his grip on the handles, his jacket resting perfectly on his shoulders. He smelled of honey and nicotine, his hair falling slightly over his eyes, crown long gone after she’d taught him how to break free and he was helping her do the same.

“You don’t even have a helmet!” She groaned, gesturing to his head and stomping her foot into the dirt, roughing up her perfectly white shoes.

“We’ll be fine Betts, c'mon. I wanna take you somewhere.” He smiled, blue eyes full of adventure and lust for her.

“You can take me there. Safely. In a car.” She was being stubborn, she always was. He loved her for it, just not when she was stubborn with him.

“Elizabeth, get on the back of the god damn bike or I’m gonna bend you over it right now.” His voice dropped, yanking on her wrist. She gently pulled back, standing her ground.

“That doesn’t make me want to get on. In fact I’ll just stand here and-”

“Elizabeth damn it.” He groaned, rolling his eyes and her hands went up in surrender.

“Fine.” She climbed on, tightly holding her arms around him in fear as he started up the motor.

“You’ll be ok.” He grinned, amused at her being frightful. She started off with her eyes closed, letting the wind blow through her hair, grasping onto him for the sake of not wanting to fall.

“You good?” He questioned, amusement still in his voice, Leaving Riverdale sign far behind, rolling hills and the smell of summer ahead.

“Mhm.”

“Open your eyes Betts.” The wind stops blowing past her, the motor dies down and he unwraps her arms from around him.

“C'mere, look.” He pulls her off, fingers laced with his as he pulls her to the field, flowers rolling over the hills for miles. She looks to him, wide eyed and smiling from ear to ear, dropping herself into the bed of grass and yellow flowers littering the field.

“Reminds me of you.” He falls next to her, arm wrapped around her shoulder before he plucks a single flower from the dirt, pulling off the stem.

“How so?”

“It’s beautiful. Golden.” He tucked the flower behind her ear, thumb running across her jawline and down her throat. She swallowed thickly, green eyes meeting with blue as his lips pressed to hers. His hands rested comfortably on her hips, thumb pressing right where her birthmark would be if she’d been wearing nothing, something he’s seen so many times before and hopes for, for the rest of his life.

“You’re beautiful too.”

“Betts.” He groaned, lips turning upward as he let a light laugh pass through.

“I like this right here. And this one right here.” Her thumb ran across his cheek, pressing into her favorite markings on his skin. A freckle, a birthmark. Anything uniquely him.

“And this one.” She dipped her fingers under his sweater, pressing to the one just below the waist of his jeans.

“This ones my favorite.” His fingertips run over the inside of her right thigh, pressing into the heart shaped bruise left by his lips.

“Unfair, you put that there.” Her hands curled around his neck, fingers laced into his hair as she let out a laugh.

“And I’ll continue to replace it until the day I die.” The smile drops from her face as she leans up to press another kiss to his lips. He smiles against her mouth, pulling her thigh to rest between his, his hands either side of her face as she whispered that she loved him.

The sun was still setting, the sky a beautiful pink hue. He placed more flowers in her hair, she kissed him till his lips were raw, he told her about his mother and his sister. She complained about her mother. He lets her wear his jacket as she dances in the rolling fields, her bare feet running through the grass. He ducked his head between her thighs as they lay in the bed of flowers. She cried out for him, loud, her voice rolling with the hills. He told her he loved her. She told him the same, over and over. The sun was nearly set by the time Alice had been calling her phone non stop. He lead her back to the bike, one more thing on his mind.

“One more thing…” His fingertips ran along her shoulders as she tucked her phone back into the pocket of his jacket, loose on her shoulders.

“Bend over.” His lips pressed to her forehead, speaking quietly against her soft skin.

“You’re serious.” She laughed out, knees weak at the suggestion.

“I am dead serious, bend your ass over c'mon.” His hands forcefully turned her around, watching as she leaned forward over the seat of the motorcycle.

“Alright! Alright.” She surrendered, smile still on her lips.

“Really? You’re supposed to talk me out of this.” He pushed her sun dress up slightly, thumbs pressing into the skin of her back.

“Juggie!” She moved to sit up again before he pushed her back down.

“I’m kidding, shut up.” Not a moment was wasted, he’d unbuckled his belt by the time she took her next breath, and by the next he was inside of her, her underwear pulled to the side.

“Jug-” Her nails clawed the leather seat, pushing herself back into him.

“I’m never going to get enough of this.” Her words clouded his head, leaving him dazed. He pushes forward harder and she cries out, his name leaving her lips.

Every last ounce of his innocence dies when she cries for him to go harder, and he does, and then she cries out even more. She’s being unapologetically loud and he loves it. She’s crumbling apart before he knows it, but she’s unforgiving, hips moving like the devil as she tells him to go again.

“Again Juggie, again please-” She’s desperate, once is never enough.

“Betts, Alice will-”

“Juggie-” Her pleading makes him weak. She winces as he moves his hips again, this time faster than before, his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

“Elizabeth-” He leans forward, lips pressed to the back of her shoulder, hands still held in place on her hips, nails digging in deeper.

“I need you, you feel so good Juggie, I-” Her moans fill his ears, leaving them ringing.

“You have me. You have me.” He repeats, feeling her tense in his arms as she lets go for what must of been the third time tonight.

“Jug…Shit.” Her hand reaches back, pulling on his waist as he lets go himself, his lip caught between his teeth, eyes shut tight.

“Jeez, you’re on a roll tonight.” She turns to him, buckling his jeans back into place as he smooths her hair down, hands resting on either side of her face.

“You’re the one begging for it.” He grins, pressing a small kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“Shut up.”

“Let’s go home sunshine.”

#bughead smut #bughead fanfiction

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buildcoachsell · 5 years

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So we’ve gotten past the arrival of your Elf on the Shelf. Now what? Christmas is not complete without these cute little fellas in your home. So, all December long, enjoy the fun tricks with these Santa’s Subordinates in your home.

Your friends are posting all kinds of fun and crazy things their Elf is doing but, be it exhaustion, lack of creative juices, or what have you, you’re stumped.

Fear Not!! I’ve been there, done that! So in the interest of parents far and wide who’ve struggled like I have to get the Elf juices flowing, I’ve compiled a list of fun Elfish ideas for this Holiday. Some are from around the net, some from friends, and a couple – I’m proud to say – have emerged from my own creativity and have become a favorite giggle fest memory with my girls.

Don’t wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, realizing that you forgot to do something cute with your Elf – AGAIN – grab this list

Without further ado – please enjoy this list of fun Elf ideas!!

🎄 This Elf is as sweet as candy! Literally!

🎄 Want to drive home that you can’t touch the Elf? These little guys have Christmas Pox and it’s highly contagious!

🎄 Most kiddos love magic and so does the Elf on the Shelf!

🎄 Tie your elf up in Christmas decorations! This can only mean one thing: it’s D-Day – time to decorate the tree!

🎄 Your elf wants to be nice and snuggly, wrap him up in toilet paper. Potty jokes are funny right?

🎄 This naughty Elf has been raiding the marshmallows!

🎄 Perhaps your Elf has a beef with Frosty, or a rivalry? This Elf was teaching him a lesson!

🎄 Set your Elf up with Christmas-y books open in a circle around him. It’s a great way to entice your kids to sit and read!

🎄 What elf, or kiddo for that matter, doesn’t like kisses? Set your little Elf in a mini kissing booth surrounded by kisses! Get the printable by Living Locurto here.

🎄 Again with the potty humor? You Betcha! Elfie, disguised as the Grinch, and some Stink, Stank, Stunk spray!

🎄 Set your Elf up to help bake some cookies with the fam! Do you have a favorite cookie recipe? Check out this free printable from Mom Envy to set up this Elvish scene here.

🎄 Again with the Marshmallows? Heck yeah!!! They’re yummy and look like snowballs!

🎄 This Elf is going to take his pet Dino for a walk. How cute is that?

🎄 Was it super noisy in your house? Have your Elf take a personal day for some R & R!

🎄 Get your Elf in on shoveling snow the easy way, cotton balls and a spoon will do it.

🎄 Some kiddos might need a little reminder to be good and do their chores. Give yourself a break and make your Elf tell them!

🎄 This one take a little more planning but how cute are these Elf sized cookies!! Get the instructions from This Mama Loves here.

🎄 If your Elf has a little naughty streak, you can set her up with a glue stick and a book. This little Elf is trying to glue your book shut!

🎄 If your Elf gets hungry don’t let him eat the wrong treats!

🎄 Because well? Sometimes a visual behavior system is just what the kids need to be reminded that acting like sugared up tornadoes will not get them in Santa’s good graces.

🎄 If your Elf has been super naughty, make him or her write lines – no excuses!

🎄 Our Elf loves to go fishing in the Bathroom Sink, and the kids think it’s hilarious. The fishy crackers get a little soggy after a while but they get the picture.

🎄 Here’s another fun printable from This Mama Loves so you can set your Elf up with his very own Marshmallow Dunk Tank! Download Here.

🎄 Teach your kiddos to pay it forward while recycling… AND alleviate some clutter int he play room before Santa brings a new delivery!

🎄 Here’s a simple but funny Elf set up. All Elves love Googly Eyes!

🎄 Get your kids out the door to school faster by letting your Elf ride in the car to see their school. Make sure you have an extra seat belt available. 😉

🎄 This one is quite impressive and takes a bit more effort. If you can get this one done in early in the month, you can reuse some of the paper to do your gift wrapping.

🎄 Say Cheese! Your Elf is now a photographer. Line up some of your kiddo’s favorite toys for a bit of Elf photography.

🎄 Another variation, getting your Elf all rolled up. If you need a really easy option that takes almost no planning or prep. This toilet roll scenario is pretty perfect.

🎄 Elvin Taco Tuesday – Let’s Taco’bout it! This is kinda fun. We love taco night in our house, and so does our Elf!

🎄 This Elf in a balloon will amaze your little ones as they try and work out how the Elf got inside. Take care not to pop the balloon in the process though, because you don’t want your kiddos waking up with a fright late at night and coming to investigate.

🎄 Sometimes you need to give the little people a friendly Elf reminder to be nice instead of naughty.

🎄 This is a fun idea if you have more than one Elf in your house, or if you want to get your other favorite toys involved. Send them out to a sac race!

🎄 Bath time is important, even if you are an Elf. Use cotton balls to give your Elf a good bubble bath. Your dollhouse or Barbie bath is the perfect size.

🎄 Sometimes our Elf likes to just hike up the tree and hang out with the angel. Just hanging about and making friends with the other festive character in the house. This is a quick and easy last-minute Elf move.

🎄 This Elf balloon ride might require a few extra props that you don’t already have laying around at home. You can go all out, or keep it simpler, the choice is yours.

🎄 We love My Little Pony’s! Dashing through the snow, with a bunch of My Little Pony friends…

🎄 Nutcrackers are a staple at Christmas time. Grab a regal outfit for your Elf while he hangs out with some of her Nutcracker peeps.

🎄 Get into the spirit of baking. A messy but fun idea is to write your Elf’s name in flour on the kitchen counter. Make sure you time it on a day you don’t need to use that area!

🎄 This is probably my kiddos favorite Elf prank so far. We’ve done a few variations (family underwear collection pictured below), but the favorite was when Else, our Elf stole the girl’s underwear and hung them all over the tree. They could not stop giggling every time they passed the tree.

🎄 Make use of you festive decorations with simple scenarios like this one. These reindeer have featured in many an Elf encounter over the years.

🎄 Similar to the cotton ball bubble bath from earlier, this bauble bath is a fun festive twist.

🎄 Sometimes it happens, someone touches the Elf. Have your Elf bring some Magic Elf Dust just in case so you can keep the Elfish fun alive.

🎄 Your Elf can give the kiddos a not so subtle reminder to be good listeners this year!

🎄 Play Hide and Seak with your Elf! If you need something quick, hide and seek is the easiest thing ever and there are so many places for the elves to hide in the house.

🎄 If your Elf is feeling under the weather, make sure you set him up with the proper items to help him get to feeling better!

🎄 If you’re itching for a fun craft project to put out with your Elf, check out this tutorial from Make Life Lovely for a cute little Elf Door.

🎄 Perhaps your Elf needs a little speed. Grab some legos and matchbox cars or hot-wheels and let him go for a car race.

🎄 Do you want to build a snowman? Your Elf does!!

🎄 Is your Elf an adrenaline junkie? Check out this cute DIY Lego Zipline from Mama Cheaps. Tutorial here.

🎄 The Elf on the Shelf is a Jack (or Jill) of all trades, and today she’s a painter.

🎄 ‘Nuf said for this Elf! LOL

🎄 Another Poo reference!

🎄 This Batman Elf has got things handled.

🎄 It’s the attack of the Lego People!!

🎄 If your Elf is feeling a bit lonely send him out on a date with Barbie… no curfew.

🎄 Elves love doing the magic egg trick!!

🎄 Another fun Elf zipline adventure. This one is a little more simple and easy to set up.

🎄 This Elf decided to help with chores. Way to get going on the laundry!

🎄 This set up cracks me up and is such a cute idea. I love the little Elf Illustrated magazine he’s enjoying while sunbathing.

🎄 Need another use for all those tupperware lids? Why not let the Elf take a sledding ride?

🎄 If you need to rope your kids into helping string lights, let the elf show you how it’s done.

🎄 This cute idea shows a fun way to get Elsa from Frozen involved. Watch out though, you’ll need to thaw your Elf after. Or you could just Let it go…

🎄 Everyone loves a good game of angry birds… even Christmas Elves.

🎄 Yup it’s messy, but if you’re looking for an inexpensive activity for your Elf that will make the kiddos crack up, try making snow angels in flower on the countertop.

🎄 Does your Elf have a 5 o’clock shadow? Set this up for your kids to find in the morning.

🎄 This scene cracks me up every time. A good rescue mission might be in order here. Set the scene with some army figurines and blue painters tape.

🎄 Drawing on your family photos with dry erase markers is certainly one of the Elf’s more mischievous tricks.

🎄 Everyone loves watching Christmas movies, don’t leave out your Elf!

🎄 Here’s another fun way to dress up a family photo… Rudolph style.

🎄 Ummmm…. Someone got their hand stuck in the cookie jar. Or more aptly, in the M&M bag. Naughty Elf.

🎄 TPing the Christmas tree.

🎄 Boy those reindeer make a mess!

🎄 This. Is. Adorable. If you are a Harry Potter fan, or have kids that are, make sure your Elf has a day to be Harry this Holiday.

🎄 Do I need to put a caption?

🎄 Get your Elves into the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. It’s the Elf Bucket Challenge.

🎄 Recycle those old Pringles containers and let your Elf wear it for a day.

🎄 Have your Elf bring the kiddos a Gingerbread House Kit!

🎄 Hide and Seek! Your Elf fits perfectly in the silverware drawer.

🎄 Is your Elf a joker? Ours is!

🎄 This Elf idea is so fun and your kids will love it.

🎄 Tie your Elf up and let the kiddos rescue him from the train!

🎄 Just let your Elf hang around.

🎄 Don’t do this one unless you have another toilet to use!

🎄 Our Elf usually ends up in the laundry at least once a year.

🎄 If your Elf likes to live on the edge, perhaps he likes to Rock – or bow – climb.

🎄 With all that candy and marshmallow consumption, perhaps your Elf needs a good workout.

🎄 This idea is hilarious. Use washable markers to draw funny faces on your kiddos. Or use a red marker and give them a Rudolph nose.

🎄 HOT DOG that’s a clever Elf.

🎄 For those of you who have stuck it out until the very end, I’ve compiled a little slideshow of completely inappropriate but hilarious Elf on the Shelf scenes. View with caution!

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All The Elf On The Shelf Ideas You Need This Holiday! So we've gotten past the arrival of your Elf on the Shelf. Now what? Christmas is not complete without these cute little fellas in your home.

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