#look at him smiling during the star exchange bit he looks insane (affectionate)

[marcsnuffy]

I like that Ego and Noa's designs contrast yet parallel each other somewhat

[sehunniepotwrites]

there’s no place like you | l.jn

part of the Walking in a Winter Wonderland collaboration by @suh-insane and @neocitybynight

🎄 SYNOPSIS — a story of falling in love with lee jeno throughout four seasons and finding a home in him through it all 🎄 GENRE — slight angst, fluff 🎄 PAIRING — model!jeno x makeup artist!reader 🎄 WORD COUNT — 3.1k 🎄 PLAYLIST — no place by the backstreet boys; the perfect gift by joshua bassett

🎄 PROMPTS — “Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas…perhaps means a little bit more!” - How the Grinch Stole Christmas // “You are my home, my home for all seasons.” - Sia (Snowman)

You met Lee Jeno at the dead-end of last winter when spring was just around the corner. He was a stranger to you then but your friendship bloomed much like flowers during the season. 

He was a fresh face in the modeling scene and you were a makeup artist who worked closely with his modeling agency when it came to shoots. You met Jeno through a mutual friend, Na Jaemin, one of the regular models you worked with. Jeno, still new to the scene, wasn’t really one to talk much and so unbelievably shy until he was under the lights and in front of the lens.

“This is Jeno,” you remembered Jaemin introducing him when they first came into your mirror. Jeno offered his hand to you and you took it. 

He gave your hand a gentle shake before muttering, “It’s nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” you smiled back. You saw his eyes glisten at your reply and you felt a weird rush take over your body.

You were ogling the newcomer during his first shoot and Jaemin caught you red handed. It was the first time someone had caught your eye after your last relationship ended. According to his friend, Jeno had recently gotten out of a relationship, too. The model teased you about Jeno endlessly but you couldn’t help but stare— under the flashing lights, Jeno was a natural. 

Charismatic.

Beautiful.

And when he smiled so kindly at you, you just knew that Jeno was going to be someone special.

You dated in the summer when the sun was hot and Jeno radiated nothing but a comforting warmth.

After that first meeting, you exchanged numbers and something just clicked. Texts were exchanged and then they transitioned into phone calls and facetime sessions that lasted for hours. If you weren’t on the phone with him, then you were spending time with Jeno in person: beautifying him before his photoshoots, touching up his makeup during his short breaks, and grabbing food with him after the shoot was over.

Jeno was easy to hang out with. Even when you were far apart in a room, you would eventually gravitate towards each other. 

Jaemin, being the observant person he was, noticed it first and pushed Jeno to ask you out; surprisingly, Jeno listened to his nosy best friend. Although he did it in the simplest way possible, it still tugged on your heartstrings just the same. 

Jeno took you out right before sunset on a summer’s evening in his Jeep. He didn’t tell you much, he just asked you to dress comfortably and you did it without question. It was a bit of a drive, your car heading to the outskirts of the city, which piqued your curiosity. He refused to say a thing but you figured it out once the entrance to a drive-in theatre came in sight.

Squealing with joy, you turned in the passenger seat to grasp Jeno’s arm that rested against his Jeep’s center console. “You’re taking me to a drive-in? I’ve always wanted to go to one!”

“I know,” he chuckles fondly, sneaking a glance at your glowing face. “Jaemin told me it was your dream date.”

“He did?” you asked, your cheeks heating up. “Did Nana tell you anything else?”

“He may or may not have told me to man up and ask you out since we practically go out on dates anyway,” Jeno answered a bit shyly. The conversation took a pause as he drove up to the ticket booth. He pushed your card away when you tried to pay for your share and purchased the tickets before slipping the pieces of paper in between his lips.

The sight was nothing extraordinary-- just a boy in a sleeveless hoodie with a ticket caught in between his teeth but it sent your heart racing.  

“So is this your way of asking me out on a date? By casually sliding us into my dream date spot,” you probed. 

“No,” Jeno laughed as he placed his car into park and your heart dropped for a second before he continued his sentence, “I was actually going to ask you to be my girlfriend after I set everything up in the back.”

“Oh,” you replied. 

He rubbed the back of his neck, facing you with the cutest look you have ever seen grace his features. His eyes were much like one of a puppy’s and there was a pink flush creeping up his cheeks. “It’s not set up yet but not everything goes to plan, I guess,” he started to stay.

You giggled, not believing any of this was happening. Jeno grabbed hold of your hands, his touch oh so gentle but the action made your weak heart skyrocket to the moon. “Will you be my girlfriend?” 

“I thought you’d never ask,” you grinned and he wasted no time, seeing as you wasted so much teetering around the label, in kissing you. Jeno leaned over the center console to press his lips lightly against yours and you can’t help but smile into it. 

Your first date and official day as a couple was spent cuddling on top of blankets and pillows in the extended trunk of his car, enjoying a movie under the stars. The summer breeze lingered in the air but that was alright; you had a cozy and warm Jeno to snuggle up to.

You truly fell for him in autumn, just like the leaves that trickled down from the many branches. 

You and Jeno were out for a walk in the park. One of his hands held on tightly to a dog leash and the other was clasped onto yours. His beloved companion and cute Samoyed, Max, trotted ahead with his paws lightly hitting the ground.

A simple yet perfect date with your newfound family— it was something you always dreamed of having. 

Max started tugging on his leash, trying to run ahead towards something, and his weight dragged Jeno forward. Your boyfriend let go of your hand to tame his dog but laughed when he saw what Max was aiming for.

You watched fondly as he leaned down with a smile to let Max free of his leash. Jeno quickly nuzzled his face into his fur, “Go ahead, bud.” 

At those words, Max ran straight towards a neat pile of leaves before leaping into it. You giggled at the dog’s delight and your laughter grew tenfold when its owner shortly followed.

“Oh my god, Jeno, what are you doing?” you laughed. 

“Jumping into a pile of leaves, what else does it look like?” he replied, yelling over his shoulder before diving into the pile. Max yelped with joy as his owner joined him, rolling around in the leaves before Jeno began to scratch his belly. 

“You’re ridiculous!”

“No, you just don’t know how to have fun!” Jeno countered with a teasing scrunch of the nose. “Isn’t that right, boy?” Max let out a little bark and you couldn’t help but take a few pictures of the moment.

He looked so happy in the photos and so effortlessly handsome— it was really no wonder why he chose modeling as his career. 

“Stop taking pictures and join us!” Jeno waved you over. You shook your head to disagree and he shot you a playful glare. He whispered a command to Max while giving his companion an abundance of pats. 

“Go!” Max, with leaves clinging onto his milky white fur, bolted straight towards you until his head was butting on your legs. The force of his actions slowly inched you towards the leaves and you giggled at the disastrous duo you adored so much. 

“Okay, okay, I’ll go, Max! Stop,” you bent down to shower Max with pets. The samoyed just let out little noises of happiness as you ran your hands over his fur, focusing on his favorite spots. 

“I’ll race you, Maxie, how ‘bout that?” you tell the dog as Jeno affectionately watched the scene. He barked back as you counted down to one. Bubbles of laughter left your mouth as you ran after your dog and into the giant pile. 

Leaves rained down on you as you landed face-first into the now scattered heap, Jeno’s arms immediately wrapping around your body. He chuckled as you grinned up at him, Jeno’s eyes curled up in the crescents you loved to see. “See, it wasn’t that bad? All you had to do was take the leap.”

And take the leap you did.

“I love you,” you said suddenly. 

His chuckles halted and he blinked down at you. “What did you say?”

“I love you,” you repeated, voice a little louder.

Jeno bit down on his bottom lip, trying to hide his smile from escaping. He couldn’t hide it from you for long, though. His grin was so wide, almost bursting at the seams as he looked down at you with such adoration. There was this tenderness taking over your body and soul as he stared at you, you never wanted it to leave. 

“I love you, too.” And for the first time, Jeno’s words felt like home. 

It was supposed to be your first winter with Jeno. In some ways, it was. 

You moved into a one-bedroom apartment together after having a serious discussion about your relationship. You shared space and co-parented an extremely affectionate dog and you thought nothing could ever tear that happiness away from you.

That was where you were wrong. 

As Jeno booked more shoots, his popularity grew. With rising popularity came a more demanding career. Even when living with him, you barely saw Jeno— he was constantly in and out of the house for a shoot. There were times you almost forgot what he looked and sounded like. With the time apart, all you wanted to do was spend your first Christmas together. That was all you asked for. Just one holiday would be enough but that didn’t go according to plan.

“Jeno, you promised you would be home for Christmas! I barely see you anymore as is!”

“I know, babe, I know but I can’t pass up the opportunity to work with John Suh!” he argued back. “It’s John Suh!”

Yes, the world-renowned photographer, John Suh. That would be an amazing opportunity but there was just one problem with that collaboration.

“But John Suh is located in America,” you replied with a frown. 

“It sounds like you’re not happy for me,” Jeno pressed.

“No, it’s not that. I am happy for you but you promised.”

“This will be so good for me, for us. I’ll be back before you know it,” he grabbed hold of your hands, pressing them tightly to reassure you, “and I’ll make it up to you, I promise!”

You tore your hands away from his grip with a glare and he stared back at you with hurt. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Jen.”

He broke so many promises before. Why would this time be different?

“Don’t be like that,” he said, disappointment taking over his features. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because the only time Max and I see you now is when you’re going to sleep and getting ready to go to work! We’re your family and you barely have time for us anymore,” you hissed back. “This was the one thing I asked of you and you can’t even do that. You know how hard the holidays are for me.”

It was true; the holidays were difficult. Your parents died while you were young during the usually merry season and the hurt of being left alone still hurt you. On top of that, every romantic relationship you entered ended during the wintertime and it only added to the pain.

“But—” Jeno tried to retort.

“No, you know what?” you muttered as Jeno looked at you desperately. “Just go.”

“No—”

“No, Jen,” you swallowed down a cry that was building in your throat. “Just, just go.”

And in a flurry of anger, Jeno did, leaving you alone for the week of Christmas.

You drowned your apartment with Christmas decor to fill the void. Tinsel was pinned onto the walls and handmade snowflakes were strung from your ceiling. You bought a fake tree and dressed it with dainty white lights and colorful ornaments. It was filled to the brim, your living space now a winter wonderland, and yet, it still felt empty. 

Even with Max by your side, you felt hollow as if something was missing. He was missing. 

On Christmas morning, you woke up with an empty bed and your frown dug deeper into your face. You felt your sense of loneliness hit you and you stared blankly at your pictures with Jeno, wishing he would come back to you.

You were so terribly lonely and your seasonal depression was hitting you at an all-time high. 

The place you called home didn’t feel like a home at all without him there. So much for being home for the holidays.

“Max?” you called, noticing he wasn’t on his side of the bed. It was actually Jeno’s side but he wasn’t there so Max claimed it until he came back...if he came back. You weren’t so sure he would after that last argument. 

You heard your dog yelping out of excitement from the living room, which was pretty unusual for him. 

“Maxie?” you called for him again but he didn’t answer, too preoccupied with whatever he found in the living room. Did he finally find that bone you hid for him?

You heard footsteps against your hardwood floors and you froze. Was someone here?

The pounding against the floor grew louder and louder, your heartbeat matching its timing as you gripped onto your blanket. A familiar head popped out from behind the door frame, a shy and worried smile taking over his face. Max fought his way in between his legs, his head also peeping into your room and suddenly, an overwhelming feeling took over your body.

“Jeno,” you whispered.

“Hi, love,” he greeted back, slowly making his way over to you. Jeno took a seat at the end of your bed and you used that time to take him in. His appearance looked so ragged compared to his usual self.

His black hair was a mess, strands sticking up in all directions, and there were designer bags under his eyes. Wrinkled clothes dressed his body while his cheeks were sunken in as he smiled helplessly at you. 

“You— what are you doing here?”

“I shouldn’t have left,” he explained with a frown. “I know the holidays are such a difficult time for you and I just added onto it, like a shitty person.”

You reached out to him, interlocking your fingers with his. You immediately felt better at the touch. “No, I know how much an opportunity like that means to you. I shouldn’t hold you back.”

Jeno lifted your knuckles to his lips, pressing a light kiss on them. “Let’s say we were both in the wrong and call it a day, okay?”

“Okay,” you chuckled as he placed another kiss on your hand. 

Jeno used his other hand to reach into his pocket to pull a small box out of his pocket. He pushed it towards you, gesturing for you to take it.

“What’s this?” You hesitated to take it but he easily shoved it into your hold. 

“A present for you, dummy,” he replied. 

“I didn’t get you anything,” you murmured. 

He shook his head, “That’s okay.”

You gently opened the box to find a heart-shaped pendant. It was old and a little tattered but beautiful just the same. “Oh,” was all you could say as you ran your thumb over the surface. 

“It’s a locket,” Jeno whispered before urging you to open it. “Found it in an antique shop while I was abroad.”

You grinned. You always had a thing for antiques. 

You pressed on the tiny clasp you found on the side and inside was a tiny picture of you, Jeno, and Max from that autumn day in the park. “Oh my god, Jeno.”

Looking up at him, you see his face dusted with a rosy shade of pink. His thumb rubbed against your free hand as Jeno abashedly smiled at you. “While I was gone, I was stressing over getting you the perfect gift to make up for everything. It’s not much, I’m sorry this was all I could think of,” Jeno said. 

You didn’t care about the monetary gifts.  You didn’t care about them at all. All you cared about was him. “That doesn’t matter— all I wanted for Christmas was to be home.” 

He shot you a confused look and tilted his head. Your boyfriend looked so similar to your pet samoyed at that moment, you had to hold back a laugh. “But you are home, I was the one that left.”

You scooted closer to him on the bed, wrapping your arms around his middle. You immediately relaxed as his arms returned the hug, pressing your closer to his body. Snuggling into the crook of his neck, you said, “But this place isn’t home without you. when I’m with you, I’m home.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Jeno said. 

He lied. It did make sense. It made perfect sense but he just couldn’t believe it.

“Of course it does,” you grinned back at him, taking hold of his cheek. Jeno radiated a warmth that you missed so dearly into your freezing hand. “Home stopped being a place when you entered my life.”

You pressed a kiss on his shoulder, “There’s no place like you, Lee Jeno.”

The brightest smile broke out on his face, making him shine like the stars you used to wish upon. You swore you saw golden specks in the brown of his irises. Jeno beamed like a brilliant light, eyes scrunching up so lovingly before putting his forehead to yours. He nuzzled his nose with yours before whispering an affirmation of love against your lips and the feeling sent shivers down your spine. 

You closed the distance, connecting your lips with his and there it was again: that comforting blanket, that safe haven that you missed so dearly. 

You were embraced by his love and that feeling of home. 

“Merry Christmas, babe,” he murmured, still not parting from your lips.

Merry Christmas. Welcome home.

🎄  author’s note—here’s my fluffy holiday fic! this was such a fun write, if only i could write holdiay fics all year round huhuhhu please tell me what you think and be sure to check out the other fics in the collab!

🎄 taglist — @notnctu

[dalamjisung]

nobody else ❊ mark tuan

word count: 6341

genre: angst, fluffy ending

pairing: reader x mark tuan

description: He saw something in you. You saw that same something in him.

[Trigger Warning: this story has a brief mention of psychological manipulation and psychological abuse.] 

“Hey Y/N!”

“Y/N! How was your summer?”

“Looking good, Y/N!”

You laugh, making your way to the coffee shop to meet your friends. Waving and smiling back, you can’t help but remember last semester, when barely five people knew who you were. Safe to say, things are more interesting now. No one really knows what happened over the summer, but you came back renewed; new hair, new clothes, new person. You suddenly started joking more, talking more, laughing more. Some speculate you got a boyfriend, but most boys refuse to believe that. Others say you traveled the world, and even you laughed when you heard that. You wish you had the money to travel the world. 

It’s been almost a month now, and you went from nobody to the girl everyone wants to know. Your friends laugh, not giving it much attention, and you let them; it’s not like they need to know, anyways. Hyejin and Byulyi asked for a while, but after so many failed attempts, they just gave up like everybody else. There’s no point in asking if you’re not ready to tell them… so they just let you be. 

“Y/N!” 

You walk in the shop, relieved to see your girls. The thing about suddenly being known from one day to the next is that people know your name, but they don’t know you; so most of the time you hear someone calling you, it’s because they want something– a favor, your notes, an information. In a month you became the go-to girl for small things like that, and although it is a little tiring, you didn’t really care. People know you exist now. They remember you. 

And yet, hearing your name coming from Hyejin’s mouth is like a breath of fresh air– every time.

“How are you, my love?” She hugs you tightly and you feel like you could cry. “You have blue paint in your hair.”

“Oh,” You laugh, tying your hair back in a ponytail, trying to hide the mess you made during class. “I’m good, babes. How are you?”

“Good now that you’re here,” She winks and you sit down next to her. 

“Yah, this way I’m going to get jealous,” Wheein complains, moving to sit next to you, too. She drapes one arm around your shoulders and pulls you to her. “You’re my love, too.”

“Ah, it’s okay,” You kiss her cheek. “There’s love for everybody, right here.” You point to your heart, laughing as both of then raise their eyebrows.

“Oh, we know,” Hyejin says. “You’ve been giving it out to everyone now.”

“It was her summer glow-up,” Wheein jokes. “Everyone wants a piece of our Y/N, now. We have to protect her, Hyejin-ah.”

“You guys are crazy,” You say, drinking from Wheein’s coffee. “And that’s why I love you.”

“We love you too–“

“Y/N!” 

Your body instantly tenses once you hear the high pitched voice calling out for you. Sighing, you turn around and look for her– Sumi. 

“Hey,” You say, trying to use all the excitement in your body. It isn’t much. “How are you doing, Sum–“

“I need a favor.”

“Of course you do,” Wheein scoffs. “When don’t you need a favor?”

“Aish, that’s not true,” Sumi chuckles shamelessly. “Y/N and I are friends, aren’t we?”

Do it. Just do it, Y/N, you think to yourself, nodding at her.

“What’s up?”

“Mark broke up with his girlfriend,” She whispers, as if it is a secret. 

You know that already. It was the talk of the campus for about a week when you came back, but then the focus quickly changed to you, and that’s when you met Han Sumi. The stereotype of a ‘school princess,’ she was quick to understand that if she was nice, you’d be nice too, and since then, asking for favors is all she does. You might’ve been quiet before, but every single student knows about Sumi obsession with Mark Tuan; she’s been trying to get with him ever since freshman year and now that he’s available, you’re guessing she’s back on her game.

“No way… really?” You feign surprise. “Hadn’t heard!”

“It’s true!” She squeals in happiness. “Minho told Sunwoo and he told Juyeon who told me! Mark is single again!”

“That’s… something,” You mumble, trying to exclude yourself from this inevitable situation. 

“Definitely,” She winks. “So can I count on you?”

“M-me?” You are actually surprised, this time. “I’m sorry Sumi, but I don’t know Mark…”

“Impossible,” She laughs. “You know everyone.”

“Not everyone,” You sigh. “I really never talked to Mark before, Sumi.”

“Hm,” She frowns. “Really?”

“Yeah…”

“But you know Jackson, right?”

You’re doomed.

“Yeah, but–“

“Then ask Jackson to help me!”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” Hyejin scowls at her. “Y/N has better things to do then tending to your failed love life.”

“Look who’s talking, I bet you’re only friends with her because you want som–“

“Yah!” 

Wheein holds Hyejin by the arms, pulling her back down.

“Sure, I’ll try and talk to Jackson,” You say, quickly trying to make her go away. “I can’t promise anything, though.”

“Ah, I knew I could count on you!” Sumi hugs you. “I’ll see you later then!”

“Yeah, yeah, goodbye,” You chuckle uncomfortably and watch her leave, turning to your raging friend. “Are you insane?!”

“I’m going to kill her,” Hyejin promises, and you shiver, the intensity in her voice getting to you. “I promise you, one day, I’ll drag her by her fake hair and–“

“Okay, okay, we get it,” Wheein rolls her eyes. “You’ll destroy her blah blah blah.”

“NO,” Hyejin shouts, clearly frustrates. “It’s not just ‘blah blah blah.’ This drives me insane! People coming over to ask Y/N for favors and then pointing fingers at us. I’ve known her since middle school and it kills me that I have no clue what the fuck happened this summer. It kills me to have to watch you let yourself be used like this.”

“Hyejin-ah–“

“I’ll see you guys later.”

She marches out the door before you can say anything, and you understand why– it must be really frustrating to be kept in the dark by your best friend. She is upset, you know that much; but telling her everything would only upset her further, and you don’t see a need for that.

Ever since you guys started hanging out Wheein and Hyejin were the extroverted, confident ones. They always protected you from anyone with ill-intentions. It’s not that they think you’re weak, but they rather protect you then watch you suffer. 

Ah, you think to yourself, allowing your head to fall on your hands in defeat. You can’t protect me from this, Hyejin-ah… 

“It’s alright,” Wheein pats your back affectionately. “You know how protective she is. She’ll call in an hour or two and everything will be okay.”

“Will it be okay, though?” You whisper to yourself. “I’m not sure it will…”

“Hey, don’t say that; Hyejin loves you more than anything in the world.”

“And I love her,” You mumble, sensing the guilty feeling crawling back through your body. “I will be okay. I have to.”

“Wha–“

“I gotta go, Wheein-ah,” You smile widely, and the suddenness of it all leaves your friend startled. “Love you!”

Grabbing your bag, you run out the door, to the only place you think he could be. 

“Jackson Wang,” You mumble to yourself. “You’re the only one that can help me now.”

                                            ———————————

Just as you thought, there he is. Star athlete Jackson Wang could always, at all times, be found at the basketball court. Your relationship with him, weirdly enough, began before this summer. He found you crying your eyes out at the benches and approached you to make sure you were alright. After talking for a while, he took you to a nearby dinner and bought a milkshake in exchange for knowing what happened; so you told him. It had been a rough day and things at home weren’t the best, so you decided to cry it out somewhere no one you know would find you. In the end, you walked out of there with a lighter conscious and a new friend. 

“Yah, Seun-ah!”

All heads turn to you, but you’ve learned how to not flinch anymore. You’re okay with people looking at you. Actually, you prefer it that way.

“Y/N!” 

His baby giggle reaches your ears and you can’t help but laugh with him, basking in his glee. You’ve never seen someone so uplifting as Jackson; he could make you feel a thousand times better by just smiling at you. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks as he hugs you tightly.

“Missed you,” You pout, laying your head in his sweaty chest. A lot of people speculated about you two, not really knowing where to categorize you– friend or girlfriend. Truth is, you’re more like family.

“Liar,” He teases and pulls back, holding your shoulders. His eyes find yours and you know you’re doomed, you can’t ever hide anything from him. “Hyejin called me.”

You sigh. “It’s not as bad as she makes it sound…”

“Yeah, it’s worse,” Jackson scoffs. “Dealing with Sumi is exhausting, but you do it, regardless. None of us knows why, and you won’t tell us, so don’t get mad once we get worried.”

“I’m not mad, just frustrated,” You explain. “Sumi asked me to talk to you about Mark. Didn’t he break up with his girlfriend like… four months ago?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think we should about this here,” He laughs a bit uncomfortable with the situation.

“It’s fine, I’ll just come up with an excuse for her,” You shrug. “I don’t know your friend, but from the little you told me, it sounds like it was bad.”

“Ye–

“It was.”

You look behind you at a sweaty boy in a purple sleeveless shirt. His curly dark hair is falling on top of his eyes, but you are familiar with the pain hidden behind it– abandonment. You just nod at him, a form of recognition, and he nods back. 

“You’re Y/N,” He says, not really sounding like a question, but more like a guess. “Jackson talks a lot about you.”

“That’s me,” You smile sheepishly. “And you’re Mark.”

“The one and only,” He chuckles, offering you his hand to shake. 

“Heard a lot about you,” You wiggle your brows in a shameless way that would have never crossed your mind, a few months ago. 

“Oh, Jackson,” Mark teases. “Didn’t know you love me that much.”

“She means Sumi.”

Mark goes from happy to sour in a second. “She’s still insisting on that?”

“You know?!” You gasp.

“Of course I know,” He sighs, looking more tired now then when he was playing basketball with Jackson. “I’m pretty sure everyone knows.”

“Yeah…” At this point, you are clearly uncomfortable, not really sure about how to proceed; should you call Sumi and tell her that she should abort the mission? Should you just drop this issue? “I’m sorry she keeps bothering you. I’ll tell her you’re not interested, and I hope she leaves you alone, then.”

“Thank you, but this is not your problem to fix,” He smiles and for a second, you are speechless. It is almost as if Mark instantly took a weight off of your shoulders, and you feel lighter than you have in weeks. “I’ll talk to her myself.”

“Are you sure?” You ask, giving him an opportunity to change his mind… and to be honest, you are kind of hoping he would; then, he’d be just like everybody else, always asking. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

What do you do when someone is finally giving, though?

                                           ———————————

“You!”

You turn around just to see an angry Sumi marching towards you. 

“What did you tell Mark?!”

“Mark talked to me today,” Sumi says and her smile suggests anything but happiness. “Told me you talked to him.”

“And?”

“And he also told me, and I quote,” She scoffs. “‘You and I will never happen;’ so fess up, what did you tell him?”

You gulp. You can’t believe Mark did that, even though it now comes to your mind that you don’t know Mark at all. 

I thought he was different, you think to yourself, frowning. Could this be why he didn’t let me talk to Sumi? To blame me?

“I didn’t say anything, Sumi,” You feel awkward, the kind of awkward one feels when they are telling the truth that no one will believe. “Mark is still feeling pretty down because of his–“

“I was the first one to start talking to you after your… makeover,” She seethes, whispering into your ear. “You were nobody. You could disappear and no one would notice– until I put you on the map. My mistake, for trusting someone like you, I guess. But hear me, Y/N, once people know you, they don’t forget anything about you.”

“Sumi–“

“See you late,” She fake smiles and leaves. 

Not sure about how long you stand there, only when Wheein finds you that you collapse, legs faltering and eventually giving up on you. It’s been months since you felt it– the rush in your blood, the lack of air on your lungs, the buzzing in your ears; almost two months, to be exact, ever since the new semester started. The new you. 

“Y/N!” She shouts, kneeling next to you. “Are you okay?”

“C-call Jack– Call Jackson,” You beg, in between deep breaths. “I can’t bre– Wheein, I can’t breath, I can’t breath, I can’t– Jackson… Jackson can help.”

“Okay,” She quickly dials your friends number. “Jacks! It’s Wheein… Where are you? Y/N’s having a breakdown, I’m not sure what’s happening, but I think it’s an anxiety attack. We’re by the fountain, near the Music department. Yeah. Okay. Alright. See ya.”

You look at her, tears in your eyes. Don’t give in, you think, watching your friend panic. For Wheein, keep it together. Wiggle your fingers. Count to 100. Wiggle your fingers. Count to 100. Wiggl-

“Hey,” A voice, not quite like Jackson’s, comes from behind you. “What’s up? Mind if I join?”

“Mark?” Wheein mutters, frowning as he kneels besides her, tight lip smile on his face. His eyes find yours and his smile widens a bit, shoulders relaxing. 

“Hey, I love your shirt,” He points to you. “Keith Haring, right?”

You just nod, still breathing fast and shallowly. 

“Did you know he used to paint the subways of New York?” You nod once again. “You did? Cool! What painting is your favorite?”

“W-what?”

“Come on,” He jokes, still smiling, still staring. “You’re an Art major! You must have a favorite! Tell me about it.”

“Re-Rebel With Many C-Causes,” You stammer out. 

“Which one is that?” Mark asks, moving to settle down in front of you. He crosses his legs, knees touching yours, as he leans forward on his elbows. “I don’t remember…”

“The one with his own interpretation of hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil,” You mutter, blinking hard. Your heart seems to be slowing down, and air finds a gap through your throat and into your lungs. You’re gonna be okay. 

“Ah!” He snaps his fingers, eyes wide and shinning with clear excitement in his face. “I remember that one! How could I forget– stupid me.”

“You’re not stupid,” You say, more out of habit then anything, but you can’t help but mean it. “Mark–“

“Y/N!” That’s Jackson. “Are you alright? Is everything okay? What happened?”

It’s almost as if hearing your friend’s voice summons you back to reality, and you look at Wheein, with her fearful eyes, and at Jackson, with his worried frown, and you look for Mark, with his excited smile, but he’s gone. In the midst of all the commotion, he left, and you didn’t even thank him. 

                                           ———————————

It’s been a week since your panic attack, and weirdly enough, you started seeing Mark more and more. You’d see him with Jackson when he came over the Arts building, and you’d see him in the coffee shop whenever you hang out with Hyejin. He is at the cafeteria, at the hallway, at the bars; and you begin to wonder if he’s always been there and you just never noticed… sounds impossible, but extremely likely. 

“What you thinking about?” Hyejin asks, poking you and making you squirm as you sip on your coffee. You two had been studying for the upcoming midterms and safe to say you are calmer, happy to be able to focus on something else besides Sumi’s threat. 

“Mark.”

“What?!” She shouts, looking at you as if you are crazy. “Mark Tuan? Jackson’s friend? The guy that made Sumi go bitch crazy at you?”

“I’m not sure he did it on purpose,” You shrug. “He helped me, too, you know?” “Yeah, I know,” She rolls her eyes. “I’m still salty you called Jackson and not me.”

“He just knows what to do,” You chuckle. 

“And apparently Mark knows too,” Hyejin wonders. “How, though? And why?”

“That’s what I’ve been thinking about,” You sigh. “I’m confused and–“

“Hey Y/N,” Before you can finish, Taehyung, a senior in Hyejin’s department, stops next to your table. “How are you holding up?”

“Me?” You ask. “I’m good, why?”

“I heard about your anxiety attack the other day,” He whispers, eyes exuding pity. “I’m sorry about what you’re going through, but things will get better! You have great friends to support you, so don’t give up, yeah?”

“What are you talking about, sunbea?” Hyejin asks, carefully looking at you. “How do you know about Y/N?”

“Sumi told me.”

You freeze. 

“What exactly did Sumi say?” Hyejin is up, hands on both Taehyung’s shoulders. 

“She said things weren’t too good for Y/N, right now… you know, at home,” He clears his throat, clearly uncomfortable. “And that’s why she changed so much. Sumi said she’s worried about you, Y/N, and that she’s trying to show you as much support as she can.”

“I’m going to kill a bitch,” Hyejin screams, grabbing her purse, and then turning to you. “Come on, love. We’re doing this. She can’t spread rumors about you like that, this is unacceptable! I’ll do the talking, you just stand next to me and–“

You grab her wrist tightly and hope that she won’t feel your shaking hands. “Thanks, Taehyung.” And you smile, the smile you practiced for so long in front of your mirror, for your friends, your teachers, yourself. 

“No problem,” He smiles his boxy smile and you just can’t find it within yourself to be angry. “Let me know if you need anything! We’re all here for you.”

“Will do,” You say and pull a fuming Hyejin back to the couch you are sitting, holding her down until he’s far enough for you to breath out. You can feel a headache coming, and you rest your head on your hands. I guess there’s no escaping, now…

“What the fuck, Y/N?!” Hyejin mutter angrily. “Enough is enough! You can’t just let Sumi step all of you like that! She’s gone as far as making up rumors about you!”

“They are not made up,” You turn to your friend, gaging her reaction, and you can just tell it’s not going to be good. “I mean, technically they are made up, since there’s no way she’d know about my life outside this campus, but goddammit, she nailed it.”

“… what?” Hyejin whispers, eyes wide. 

Sighing, you pack your backpack and get up. “Don’t worry too much, Hyejin-ah… I’ll be okay. I’m here now.”

Leaving her after spatting out news like that is not the best thing to do and you know, but you didn’t feel like explaining everything right there and then, especially considering that you’d have to retell that story to at least four different people. Once people know you, they don’t forget anything about you. Sumi’s voice echoes in your head, and you walk faster, with no destination in mind but wherever your body takes you. They don’t forget anything. They had to, though. They’d have to forget this. You are not sure you can survive if people know, if they remind you just how bad it is. You don’t want pity stares or careful smiles; you don’t want fake friends and meaningless support. You just want people to know your name. You just want them to remember you exist, because you are terrified that any day you could just disappear– and if that happens, you want someone to notice. 

Telling your friends would be the easiest and wisest choice– you know. But there are emotional consequences that come with saying what you need to say that makes you extremely uncomfortable. This is not on them, so why should they suffer for it? Without noticing, you end up in you favorite place in that school: the basketball court. It is like your body knew you needed to let it out and brought you here. 

“Shit,” You whisper, dropping all of your weight down and onto the floor in the middle of the court. It’s a beautiful night, if not for the traumatic news. The stars are out and the chill air makes it so that you can feel goosebumps on your skin. “Fucking hell. Shit shit shit shit.”

“Well, and here I was thinking today had been a pretty good day,” He sits next to you. “What happened?”

“You don’t want to know, Mark,” You sigh, looking at his shoes as he looms over you. 

“If I asked,” He grunts as he sits down next to you, giving an odd deja-vu sensation. “It’s because I care.”

Care, you look at him with wide eyes. Not because he wants to know, or because he’s curious; but because he cares.

“It’s nothing,” You say, the lie feeling heavy and poisonous. “Don’t worry.”

“You might think you fool your friends, and they might pretend to be fooled, but you can’t really fool me, Y/N.”

“Drop it, Mark,” You lean on your elbows, eyes piercing though his and you see the challenge in his face.

“Why should I?” He scoffs while moving closer to you. 

“Because I’m asking?”

“So?” His smile fakes innocence. “I don’t have to do something just because you want it. Believe it on not, this is for your own good.”

“You wouldn’t know what’s for my own good, Tuan,” You spit out, anger boiling in your blood. “You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve been through!”

“So tell me!” He says a bit more forcefully. “What have you been through?”

“A lot!” You blow up. You know there is no turning back and you don’t even want to go back; this is finally happening and nothing could stop you know. “I’ve been through hell and back this summer, Mark, and you wouldn’t even begin to understand it!”

“Oh yeah?!” There it is again– the challenge. “Try me.”

You are not sure exactly when you two got on your feet, standing mere inches away from each other, shouting at each other’s face. His forehead is almost touching yours and his chest is puffed forward, ready for what he knows is about to come. One hit; closed fist and not a lot of strength behind it. A try out, you could say. Then another one, once you realize it actually feels good and somewhat cathartic. And another. And another, and another, each stronger than the one before.

“Do you even know what is like to live in fear?” You shout, hitting his chest. He just stands there, taking it– taking it all. “What is like to realize that the person you looked up to, and loved, and cherished, and protected, turns out to be someone completely different? He’d threaten me, tell me horrible things, call me horrible names… and it all made sense! In my head he isn’t wrong but it’s not right– this is not right! He can’t do that; not after everything we’ve been through!”

The fact that you can’t breath is the first indication that you are crying, sobbing, into Mark Tuan’s chest. You scream and shout and punch, but he just stands there, hands around your shoulders, hit by hit, bringing you closer until you are flushed against him. Your voice is muffled once he presses you even closer, nestling your head on his neck; it takes you a while to process but for the first time in months you feel truly and undeniably safe. You feel protected, feeling the pressure of his arms around you and hearing the calming hushed assurances in your ear. 

“It’s okay,” He whispers as his hand caresses your hair. Your hands stopped moving a while ago, choosing to clutch to his hoodie instead. Don’t let go, they seem to say. Never let me go. “It’s okay– you’re here now. You’re present. You’re safe. Do you understand what I’m saying, Y/N? Can you repeat it for me?”

You nod, not raising your head still. 

“Come on,” He whispers again, and the feeling of his lips brushing against your ear is enough to make your breathing hitch. “You’re here.”

“I-I’m here,” You murmur. 

“You’re present.”

“I’m pre– I’m present.”

“And you’re safe.” 

The sheer strength of the words make you pull away slowly, looking for his eyes, for confirmation. And you see it. 

“I’m safe.”

The kiss comes seconds after your voice fades, something within pushing you forward to meet him halfway. As his lips move, as firm as his words, you can hear him– you’re safe. 

And as his hands pull you closer and closer and closer you hear him again– you’re safe with me.

                                           ———————————

“We need to talk.”

It comes from you and it surprises everyone. 

“Yeah, of course,” Jackson frowns, scooting closer as Hyejin and Wheein sit down around you, too. “What’s up?”

“I’m ready,” You bite your lip, forcing yourself to say the words you’d trained all the way there. “If you guys want to know, I’m ready to tell you.”

“What are you talking about?” Wheein asks grabbing your hand. 

“This summer,” You gulp, not being able to look them in the eyes. “My parents divorced. It was ugly– dad cheated, mom found out, and they split. Dad disappeared for a couple of months and I’m not sure if it was that or the fact that mom got a boyfriend, but my brother started acting… weird. He’d be gone for days and come back smelling of alcohol and weed, and at first I thought it was fine, you know? That it wouldn’t last, so I didn’t do anything… but it started to escalate and things started to get a bit out of hand. He’d have terrible fights with our mother, borderline violent, and he’d– he’d point his finger and come really, really close, like he was going to do something. I pulled him away a couple of times but after a while that didn’t seem to be enough either and I was scared, so, so scared, because the man that I always looked up to, the one that I idolized, my big brother, started acting like, like my dad. Explosive. Angry. Impulsive. We’d have terrible fights, once I started bringing this up, and after a while I guess I just didn’t know how to deal anymore, I just didn’t, I’m sorry guys, I–“

“Hey, it’s alright,” Wheein pulls you for a hug. “You’re okay. We got you.”

“The things he said,” You whisper, shutting your eyes tight, almost as if you opened them you’d see him again. “He said he’d kill me. That if I died and disappeared no one would know; no one would notice. He said I should go back to college and then told me to stay home. He’d change his mind in a second, and I started being more careful; talking less, spending more time outside the house, making sure to never be alone in the house with him. I guess I panic… maybe went into survival mode, but I believed him. I fully believed that if I disappeared no one would know, and when that became and actual fear I made sure that things would be different. Everyone would know my name. So I started being nicer– stupider, if you will. Doing small favors here and there as a way to please people, I guess? I know it sounds ridiculous but it made sense at the time, it really did… If people like you, they look for you. They talk about you. They know your name. That’s all I wanted, really. To have that security net, at least.”

The silence that follows the next moment is deadly; it feels suffocating, and you almost regret your decision. But then Hyejin speaks.

“We’d notice.”

You look at her face– not angry, no; she looks determinate. Sure of herself. 

“We always notice,” She continues, tightening her hand on yours. “You change your hair, you try a new style, you don’t sleep well– we’ll always notice those little things, Y/N… because we love you. You are our best friend. You notice when we’re in a bad mood, or when we are happy, or sad, or anxious; you always know. So trust us, now. Believe what we say. We will always notice.”

“Hyejin-ah,” You sob, and you’ve done– you’ve finally done it. Being able to breath feels different; the compressing sensation on your chest gone. “Thank you. Thank all of you.”

“We are here for you, love,” Jackson says, joining what turns to be a group hug. “Whenever you feel unsafe, insecure, scared, anxious, happy, tired; we are here, so come to us, okay?”

You nod. “I promise.”

“Also,” He smiles and pulls away. “You’re always welcome at the Wang residence.”

“Mine too!” Wheein smiles.

“I don’t even have to say anything,” Hyejin laughs. “We all know my mom loves you more than me.”

“Well,” You sniff, smiling wide. “I am quite lovable.”

“And pretty unforgettable,” Jackson adds, wiggling his brows at you. “I know of a certain someone that hasn’t stopped talking about you ever since you met.”

You blush. 

“Shut up, Jackson,” You jokingly push him away.

“Oh, I’m totally serious,” He says winking. “It started getting annoying so I just gave him your number.”

“Who are you talking about?” The girls ask at the same time.

“Mark Tuan, who else?” Jackson laughs as you try to slap his shoulder. “They kissed.”

“What?!” They shout again.

“Yah!” You scream, grabbing your bag and running after him. “I was going to tell them!”

“Liar!” He shouts back, still running. “He told me as soon as he got home last night!”

“Wait!” He stops. “He told you?”

His smile falters. 

“What exactly did he tell you, Jackson?” 

“He told me you were crying at the court,” Jackson sighs, knowing he made a mistake. “Didn’t tell me why, or what happened, I swear. But he told me he comforted you and things just kind of escalated and, you know, you two ended up kissing.”

You let out a relieved breath.

“So he didn’t tell you anything I told him?” You whisper more to yourself than anyone else, but he hears you and shakes his head. “Mark would never,” Your friend says. “Not after all that happened to him.”

“What happened to him?” You ask, more on impulse than anything.

“He didn’t tell me a thing about you, Y/N,” Jackson chuckles. “So if you want to know about him, why don’t you just ask?”

If I asked it’s because I care.

I care too, you say to yourself, waving your friends goodbye and running towards the basketball court. I care about you, too, Mark.

                                           ———————————

He’s not there when you arrive, but you wait. And wait. And wait a bit more and then text Jackson your whereabouts, knowing he’d relay the message.

“What are you doing here?” Mark asks as soon as he spots you laying down on the floor, hand slightly swinging from side to side as you draw the stars with your fingers.

“Looking for you,” You say without even looking at him, too concentrated. “Needed to talk.”

He chuckles a kind of chuckle that makes you smile in embarrassment from how easily you blush. 

“Alright then,” He lays down next to you, immediately putting his arm under your head. “Let’s talk.”

“You said that if you ask, it’s because you care,” You say. “Before… last night.”

“Yeah, I did,” His voice is soft and you feel a puff of breath on your cheek. You turn your head and there he is, looking right at you, close, too close. 

“I care too,” You whisper, moving to turn your whole body onto your side, choosing to face him despite the uncomfortable position on the hard ground. “So that’s why I’m asking… what happened to you, Mark?”

“What do you mean?” His hand is careful when touching your face, pushing a few strands of hair back behind your ear. 

“You recognized something in me that night,” You say, frowning a bit as you try to be as clear as possible. “A specific type of hurt. So you asked. You pushed. But I recognize it, too, Mark; I see it on you the same way you saw it on me. Now I’m asking, because I’m worried. I might not know you for a long time, but I know you. You allowed me that… I’m sorry if asking is too much, but allow me a bit more. I want to be here for you the way you were there for me and–“

He shuts you up with his mouth, and thank god he did. His arms fold around you once more and there it is; that feeling– I’m safe. He’s safe. We’re safe. One hand goes to your neck and the other reaches out for your waist, making sure to keep you close. There is something new to the kiss, though; something deeper. It is languid, and powerful, and overwhelming, and you barely remember what happened before then. Only when he pulls away, smile on his face, canines showing in the dim night, that you remember. This is for him.

“I think I love you,” He says, and your heart skips a beat. “I know it’s been like, a few weeks since we met but I feel like I’ve known you my whole life. Might as well have, with how much Jackson talks about you, his passionate, beautiful, amazing, kind best friend.”

“Mark–“

“My ex,” He starts, and although he’s still smiling, the hurt is palpable. His body tenses up and your fingers move almost immediately, working on the knots on his neck and shoulders. “Was very controlling. Things were fine in the beginning because it’s young love, you know? They are supposed to be fine in the beginning, but they are not supposed to go so bad after…”

“What happened?”

“She used to make me feel worthless,” You heart shatters as he speaks. “Used to tell me I never did things right and that I was lucky to be with her. Sometimes she’d go as far as to say someone like her could never love someone like me, and the implications behind that did the rest. She’d scream if I went out with my friends, and cry if I tried to argue back… I used to feel like a piece of shit every single day– that lasted five months.”

You shuffle and your arms go around his head, cradling him to your chest, covering as much of him as you can– you wanted to make him feel protected. 

“Then Jackson found me,” He continues, nosing your collarbone. “I was drunk and crying and everything was too loud, so he took me to his place, turned off my phone and sobered me up. The next day he didn’t let me go back to her place; he said we needed to talk. We talked for about three hours… and when I finally turned on my phone again and saw her messages and the things she was saying, it was like something finally clicked. I called her and broke up with her instantly. Never regretted ever since; but I’ve been recovering. A toxic relationship takes a toll on you, so I just needed time to come back to myself, be with my friends, get my life back. I thought it would take longer, but then I met you. I heard you talking to Jackson about Sumi and without him even saying anything, without even knowing me, you put my feelings first. It’s been a while since anyone’s done that and then your anxiety attack happened, and then last night, and I just couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“I couldn’t stop, either,” You whisper onto his hair. “Thinking about you.”

“I’m happy,” He sighs. “It’s been a long time, but I recognize it. Happiness.”

“I’m happy, too,” You pull away to look into his eyes and give him a light kiss. “And I’m healing, too. So I understand if you need time or space or–

“I don’t need time,” He says. “Or space. I just need support. Knowing that you’ll be walking next to me is all I need…”

“Then I’ll be right next to you,” You mumble, closing your eyes. “So whenever you need me, just call my name.”

You two end up falling asleep and waking up only the next morning, with Jackson and Jaebeom shouting and taking pictures. Your shoulder is stiff and you are pretty sure Mark can’t feel his arm, but you’ve never felt better. 

It might’ve taken you a while but you’ve finally realized; the people around you– Hyejin, Wheein, Jackson, and now Mark,– they’d never forget you. They need you as much as you need them. They love you as much as you love them. They’d always call your name. 

You don’t need nobody else for that. You have them.

-------------------------------------------------

hello lovelies! I am back! I am so sorry about disappearing like that, but things have been a bit complicated on my side of the computer... Everything is okay now, so I’m back to writing! As always, I hope you like this and please let me know what you think! Comment, like, share– it makes a writer’s day <3 love you all!

[marvella15]

Astaire & Rogers Rewatch Part 2: Gay Divorcee

• Once again, background info first. 

After they were a smash hit in Flying Down to Rio, Astaire and Rogers were quickly paired up for another film. Gay Divorcee is an adaptation of a successful stage musical (Gay Divorce), which Astaire had starred in immediately prior to coming to Hollywood. It was the only major production he did on the stage without his sister. More on this later. 

Why the name change? Execs didn’t think a gay (happy) divorce was appropriate but a happy divorcee was acceptable. 

Back in the day, the only way I could watch classic films was checking them out for a dollar from my local library. When I checked out Gay Divorcee, the librarian commented that title certainly had a different connotation today than back then. This meant nothing to me as a young person at the time but now I think about that moment every time I think about this film.

• Our characters/actors: Guy (Fred Astaire), Mimi (Ginger Rogers), Aunt Hortense (Alice Brady), Egbert (Edward Everett Horton), Tonetti (Erik Rhodes).

• What kind of name is Egbert??

• “I’m on my vacation. I’m not gonna do any dancing.” Unless there’s a beautiful woman to woo, of course. Or a check to pay.

• The bugle call is heard for the first time in the Astaire/Rogers films when he begins his solo. It will pop up several more times in the next films but it originated as something funny from Astaire and Rogers’ rehearsals. In Roberta and Follow the Fleet, art imitates life in a way when the bugle call becomes a signal of their past partnership/connection.

• Guy’s gentle mocking of Mimi’s repeated calls for a porter will come back later in this film and be slyly referenced again in Swing Time. 

• Heh:

Guy, hopefully: “You didn’t say goodbye.”

Mimi, coldly: “No, I didn’t.”

• The subtitles very incorrectly indicate Egbert says “asked” each time he repeats what the English messenger said when delivering Guy’s coat. Egbert, in his attempt to mimic the English accent, distinctly says, “arsed.”

• Love this exchange:

Egbert: “What’s her name?”

Guy: “I don’t know.”

Egbert: “Where does she live?”

Guy, more emphatically: “I don’t know.”

Egbert: “My, what an interesting romance.”

• Astaire often thought his singing voice sounded better right after he’d had a drink or a smoke. So he usually does one or the other (often the latter) in scenes right before singing. 

• Already his speaking-singing style is to his advantage as he sings “Needle in a Haystack” while finishing getting dressed. It seems natural and effortless, the way we all sing to ourselves sometimes. 

• Love how he leaps over the back of the couch and the way his tapping kicks up with the four horn blasts in the song. No one makes a more stylish exit than Fred Astaire lbr.

• Mimi, having been blocked in by Guy’s car: “Would you mind moving your car, or don’t you want it anymore?”

• And here he repeats her call for a porter to break the ice and it works. She may think he’s a little nuts but she’s clearly interested. When he asks when he can see her again, Rogers lets a look of longing and regret flash over her face. Neither the audience or Guy know yet that she’s actually still married and trying to discretely get a divorce. Going out with another man would ruin everything but this charming dork is tempting. 

• Buuuut she’s not so interested that she cares at all about destroying his elaborately packed picnic basket when given the chance to speed away. And he’s so into her already, he also couldn’t care less.

• One of my favorite lines here from Guy:

Egbert: “Guy, you’re not pining for that girl are you?”

Guy: “Pining? Men don’t pine. Girls pine. Men just… suffer.��� 

• Ok, the “Let's K-nock K-nees” sequence is something I skip every time because it’s pointless and insane that young Betty Grable is somehow into Egbert. And that opinion has not changed.

• Hortense and Egbert are part of the comic relief but I have always found them annoying. Thy do have some good lines though:

Egbert: “You can’t have a clandestine affair between three people.”

Hortense: “Oh, that’s what you say.”

• “Your wife is safe with Tonetti. He prefers spaghetti.” 

• I like that Guy legit almost leaps over the second story railing to follow Mimi before thinking better of it. He's got it bad.

• “Night and Day” is the only song from the stage musical to make it into the movie and it’s also the first dance duet Astaire and Rogers have performed since the “Carioca.” And it is worlds different and stunningly executed. Future films won’t make audiences wait nearly an hour before pairing up Astaire and Rogers for a dance.

• Although Mimi asks Guy to let her leave, she smiles instantly when he again asks her to stay. The whole time he sings to her and for most of the dance, she’s very obviously conflicted and Rogers portrays that beautifully. Some of it is the choreography but most of it is her acting. Just one of many, many examples of, as one film historian put it, Ginger Rogers realizing that “the acting did not stop when dancing began.”

• If you think I’m going to shut up about Astaire’s singing, you’re dead wrong. “Night and Day” is a love song with lines like “this torment won’t be through, ‘til you let me spend my life making love to you.” When Frank Sinatra sings that line, it’s seductive. When Fred Astaire does, it’s a sentiment straight from his heart.

• Astaire’s look when he grabs Rogers’ hand and the music kicks up as he does a little dance. Love it. 

• This dance is incredibly intimate. When he twirls her in close for the first time, they lean together, noses almost touching. Her dress is pressed to his suit in several places. 

• Each time they move apart, they come back together slowly, her arm gently on his shoulder, his around her waist. When they’re side by side, again noses almost touching they’re so close, a smile spreads slowly on her face and he responds in kind. 

• It’s after that moment that, for the first time in the dance, he lets her go and they dance together without either holding the other, a signal of their characters’ growing intimacy and partnership. Any other “attempts” by Mimi to leave are all playacting within the dance. She is right where she wants to be. 

• Two movies before a song will induce it, Astaire and Rogers dance cheek to cheek for a few brief seconds in “Night and Day.” As the music turns triumphant, he smiles and she looks a bit rapturous. He doesn’t take his gaze off her for a second and she meets his look without breaking it even after the dance is over. 

• Love the tiny wiggle of Astaire’s fingers as the music dies down, his leg still lifted in the final pose of their dance.

(gif credit) 

• The implications of his offer of a cigarette as her chest is heaving a bit and after such an intimate moment are, um, obvious. 😏😏😏

• A lot of this movie is about sex or the suggestion of sex. “The Continental” involves kissing while dancing. Mimi must pretend to be caught in an affair in order to get a divorce. “Night and Day” mentions “making love.” When Mimi instructs Guy to meet her in her room at midnight, he’s shocked but he shows up and more than once goes to embrace her since he assumes that’s why he’s there. But, as usual in Astaire/Rogers films, the sexiest moments are tied up in the dancing and “Night and Day” is one of the clearest examples.    

• Mimi may have thought Guy was her corespondent because he “said the right words” but there’s something to be said for how suave and charming he was in their dance. Mimi had no trouble believing he might be a hot guy who was hired to help women convince their husbands they were having an affair.

• As Rogers starts to sing “The Continental,” Astaire looks at her so warmly right before the shot switches to a close-up where he’s supposed to stare affectionately at her. But his genuine look before the switch is better.

• Rogers’ dress change before “The Continental” is a good one. That negligee and hairstyle were not the most flattering and her new dress is one of my favorites.

• “The Continental” is very different than the “Carioca” even though it’s meant to replicate it in many ways. But Astaire’s control over the choreography is much more evident. He and Rogers switch from the prescribed motions of the dance to more energetic pieces seamlessly. Several times he sneaks smiles at her that appear to be Astaire himself, rather than solely his character, such as when they turn towards each other with their arms outstretched for the first time or when she begins marching forward first and he follows. 

• The “three steps to the right, three to the left” move that will be integral to the choreography in Swing Time, shows up here first. 

• Pretty sure he nearly gets punched in the face when they link hands and spin so each has one arm in front and one behind. 

• Kissing her hand, rather than her lips, in response to the lyric “you kiss while you’re dancing,” is just the start of a longer conversation about (the lack of) kisses in Astaire/Rogers films. More later.

• The affection on both their faces in the close up near the end of the dance as they twirl around one another (in a slight mockery of the kissing other couples were doing) is very sweet. And I love the final move when he spins her towards him on that last beat and instantly smiles broadly. It’s a look I’d expect to see during rehearsals when you’ve finally done a tricky move perfectly.

• For some reason, RKO thought what people wanted was several more minutes of this song without Astaire or Rogers, and they were wrong. At 17.5 minutes, “The Continental” was the longest musical number on film until the ballet sequence in An American in Paris outran it... by one minute.

• When Astaire and Rogers do rejoin the dance briefly, you can see how well they flow together. Critics and historians have often noted that Rogers wasn’t the most technically perfect or trained of Astaire’s partners but she looks pretty damn perfect. They switch from formal dancing to tap to spins to twirling down steps and she doesn’t ever look out of her league for a second.

• And this is somehow only their second film and third on screen dance together! And yet they already look incredible??

• In the morning, Mimi and Guy’s relationship is so obviously cemented and we know it not by grandiose declarations but in the small action of her grinning and calling him “clown” after he jokes about the arrival of their breakfast. 

• So Mimi’s husband shows up and doesn’t buy Tonetti is her lover for a second because duh. She calls Guy out from hiding to kiss her as proof she’s having an affair of some kind. And he obliges… by kissing her cheek somewhat ridiculously. 🤦‍♀️

• Their final dance as they get ready to leave takes them around the room. I love how he leaps over the couch, not unlike he did back when he was pining for her in “Needle in a Haystack,” and then slides across the rug to reach her in time for the next step. 

• “The Table Dance” that ends the film is another carryover from the stage production. As Astaire guides Rogers from the table down to the floor, her foot doesn’t stop on the chair as his does. It goes from table to floor in one motion. For one beat both of her feet are touching nothing. The move relies entirely on his control and her trust in him. Not an easy ask, not only because of the maneuver but also because Astaire’s stage partner did hurt herself during this dance at one point and the injury eventually led to the end of her career. Maybe that’s why Astaire quickly glances down at the chair on each rotation.  

• And in the final seconds, the music becomes jaunty and the pair look at each other and grin with complete sincerity. For just half a second before he grabs a hat, Astaire looks at her with that same softness you see in other moments. The way she leans into him as they exit is in character, yes, but it’s like two friends thoroughly enjoying themselves, which they were in both respects. 

• So movie two finished! If you think these posts are already getting long, just you wait. Roberta is next and it’s one of my favorites.