#looksim 484

[myuiis]

lookism ch 484 semi analysis semi rant

ok so MAYBE im just projecting good character writing onto lookism because frankly, after the shitshow that was 1A, i have lost a lot of confidence in ptj's writing abilities, but i GENUINELY think the ending sequence of today's chapter was incredibly done

like... idk...

it's not that vin jin didn't want to be saved. he did. he spoke out against the shaman and the village and probably secretly wanted someone to agree and to change their ways and save him; it's just that he felt like it was too hard and too embarrassing to be saved by a village that hated his very existence. every time he tried to speak out against what was happening to him, he would only be punished, so he was gradually taught that wanting to be saved was something shameful and that would be punished. and since he would only get disappointed again and again by trying to look for salvation, he decided he would stop looking. he takes pride in that, really. he takes pride in growing up and fending off the bullies and being strong and he hates the idea of needing to be saved because... why wouldn't he?

it's never worked in the past. a mix of his defense mechanism of being a mean person to stop others from hurting him and his internal self-hatred that secretly believes that he brings suffering to the people around him and that he is a monster combine to create a sort of "i'm good enough on my own. i neither want nor need to be saved" kind of mentality. he doesn't want to be vulnerable enough to admit that he really wants to be saved so seeing him take that first step admit that "yes, i want to be saved" is SUCH a cathartic moment. it's like that one kim dokja "ah, as i thought, i'm glad i survived" moment. it's not a particularly poetic or life-changing statement, but the fact that it comes from someone that, before this point, has only ever wanted to die and has never expressed that they wanted to be save or keep living just makes it hit a lot harder.

and the fact that he is validated for the first time after this, not only because he realizes that seongji, someone he perceives as cool and strong and noble is also a "monster" like him (thus indirectly implying that he can also change his circumstances and improve his station), but also because he was finally recognized as anything but a monster.... i think the expression in that panel really expresses that emotion well. the sort of warmth and shock from being cared for and approved of for the first time since his mom died.

its just so UGH... but maybe im reading too much into it.