#love his instant beef with lucifer

[flamingfoxninja]

Lucifer: existing

Alastor: "I'm going to ruin his whole fucking day"

[inyujidraws]

1st | 2nd | 3rd | 4th | 6th

Alastor’s Hell arc in this RadioMoon AU. He’s pissed that he was rudely ripped away from his family. Also he meets his old pal, Barry. I’ve made a few redesigns due to how different Alastor is in this AU, and to be more reflective of the 1920/1930s aesthetic. Husk & Nifty have a few changes as well.

Thanks everyone who came to my streams, watch me draw, & talk cringe.

Alastor here is a different man who has actually enjoyed a more fulfilling life filled with a few more people to love and live for. His mother avoided canon death due to Creon being there to save her. Alastor avoided his cannon death of being shot by a hunter by accident. Being a family man can really change a person. So of course he’d be pissed and traumatized from dying while protecting his adopted son in the midst of a mobster shootout in broad daylight.

Why does Alastor still have deer features after death? During the mobster shootout, Alastor managed to get Daniel to safety behind a truck that was loaded with taxidermy animal heads and other exotic goods. Amidst the chaos, the heads fell on top of the two. Alastor barely managed to get a deer head off of him, only to get shot in the head by a stray bullet. Daniel was safely covered by a bunch of animal heads, but he will forever be traumatized by his father’s death.

Alastor did not have a good time initially. The last living moment is being shot while protecting his son. So he’d be very pissed off and extra murderous, especially if people are being disrespectful. He’ll still take down overlords. In his sick twisted reasoning, he believes Creon will join him eventually, so he needs to “take out the trash.” He later made his peace with enjoying the good old days of killing and cannibalizing without a care. After all, he doesn’t have his family to care for and reign him in so who needs empathy?

On the bright side, he finds his old comedian pal, Barry. Barry had taken his own life during the early stages of the Great Depression. That was enough to send him to Hell. Barry has survived on his own barely due to Batman-Joker powers. He can force anyone within range to laugh uncontrollably, whether his jokes are good or not. Whacky clowny toon shenanigans happen around this clown demon.

Alastor will still own Husk and Nifty’s souls. Alastor isn’t a complete dick to Husk, and they’re on friendlier terms. Husk is more privy to Alastor’s family life, but he respects Alastor’s privacy regarding that topic. He’s seen plenty of proof that Alastor is still human and deeply mourning the loss of his family. Nifty is still Nifty.

In this AU, the fight between Alastor and Vox still happened. Being heavily injured, he was found by Lilith/or Roo (still deciding), and forced into a deal. He kept a low-profile recovering from his wounds for a while and kept to himself; mainly researching to find loopholes to get out of his forced deal.

He only happened upon Charlie by accident, about 3 or 4 years before the show’s cannon. The timing didn’t seem right and he wanted to ignore her, and failed miserably. And that’s how he became a reluctant stand-in dad, whom Charlie will always contact occasionally, discreetly. It’s still a way for Alastor to get more close enough to weasel a deal from Charlie in the future.

Alastor does help with the Hotel and still enjoys being a dick. But he’s well-meaning in his own a$$hole-y way. He insists on taking care of most meals, because commercialized, instant food are the worst things to happen since sliced bread (his words). Barry becomes a 3rd guest, but mainly there to boost morale at the hotel.

The beef with Lucifer is a bit more personal. Not only is Alastor asserting himself in control as the primary trustworthy influence in Charlie’s life, but he’s also pissed that the most powerful being in Hell is a pathetic, weak-minded shut-in who has done nothing. Alastor is slightly pissed on Charlie’s behalf that Lucifer chose to be an absentee-father and give Charlie the impression that she was unwanted. The 3 years where Charlie would choose to send letters and phone-calls to Alastor more frequently than her own father, says a lot about the daddy-issues.

[smokeybrand]

Steal Your Heart

I’ve been playing the sh*t out of Person 5 lately. My anticipation for P5R is boiling over so i wanted to revisit where it all started. I’d gush about the game itself but i already did that, twice. No, this is more about how dope my summon crew has become. I adore the team I’ve put together. It took some fenangling but I’ve customized the sh*t out of some of these guys to create legit powerhouses.

Satanael

It was a legit pain in the ass to get this guy. I had to jump through hoops and two entire playthroughs before i had all the materials to create him but, i must say, i am SO glad i did. This asshole is a goddamn powerhouse! He’s resistant to everything, absorbs curse, and nullifies Holy. I’m pretty sure he’s the only Persona in the entire game that nullifies Holy. My particular version carries the strongest curse attack in the entire game, Maeigaon as well as the strongest non-special Holy attack in Megidoloan. He also has Cosmic Flare, the strongest Nuclear option and Riot Gun, one of the most powerful Gun techniques in the game. I don’t really use the Gun stuff but it’s nice to have. On the other side for support, I kept Salvation, Full HP and cure all stat ailments as well as Samarecarm, a revival spell that returns on ally to battle with full health. Dude also has Holy boost and Victory cry, fully rover Sp and HP for yourself after every battle, as passive skills. He’s pretty f*cking hardbody and i like to keep him in the party for the endgame. That being said, he’s not my go-to. I adore this f*cker but my main is far more powerful than he is in an active battle situation. Still, it’s dope knowing i have this option on deck when necessary.

Strength: 63

Magic: 62

Endurance: 59

Agility: 61

Luck: 59

Thanatos

I know this isn’t part of the Compendium proper and it’s kind of cheap but i love Thanatos. Persona 3 is my favorite of the the series and it’s introduction t the series was just breathtaking. I was mad shook watching this thing ravage those shadows nd became stupid bummed when i was forced to use f*cking Orpheaus for 70 percent of the title. But then i finally got my dude and it was a wrap after that. Seeing him as special DLC in this one made my heart flutter so you KNOW i had to fenangle my guy into the party! My Thanatos opens the deck with Door of Hades, an laughably powerful Holy attack. That sh*t wipes the floor with EVERYTHING! I’m pretty sure it’s the second most powerful attack in the entire game, Holy or not, and carries a chance to instantly kill a foe. It’s stupid OP and i wish it transferred because if i could get my main to inherent this attack, she’d be perfect. I followed that up with Maeigaon and Mamudoon, a curse based attack with a medium chance to instantly kill. I don’t really use these attacks considering Door but it’s nice to diversify. Speaking of diversification, i also have One-Shot Kill, a gun attack that deals sever damage with a very high critical rate. Not bad of the offense side but what about defense? Nothing. I have no buffs of healing spells on this cat. That’s not what he’s for. He’s a f*cking wrecking ball for tight situations and i love him for it. As far as Passive, he’s got a ton. We start with Curse Amp to beef up those two curse attack, Fortified Moxy to increase crit rate during an ambush, Enduring Soul to stay alive with full HP if I’m wiped out, and Adverse Resolve to increase Crit rate if i start a battle surrounded. Stock attacks, sure, but dude doesn’t need much. He’s a goddamn powerhouse out the box!

Strength: 67

Magic: 70

Endurance: 59

Agility: 60

Luck: 48

Ishtar

Ishtar is my requisite healer. She naturally lends herself to that task but, at the same time, has enough attack power to make hr a front line fighter if necessary. I’ve rarely had to whip her out for offensive situations but she’s front loaded with Megidolaon and Psiodyne, the most powerful Psy attack in the game outside of Specials. These re dope to have but they’re not really all that necessary. No, the strength of Ishtar lies in her healing and debuff abilities. Mediarahan restore full HP to the entire party, Samarecarm revives one fallen ally with full HP, and Salvation recovers full HP to the entire party while curing most status ailments. I told you; Healer. To buff her abilities, i have Spell Master, Halves the SP cost of all spells by half and Arms Master, reduces HP cost of skills by half. Growth 3 is in there as kind of a place holder. I plan to change that out with a proper inherited skill as soon as i think of one that compliments her build. I thought about Drain Wind to nullify her her only weakness but she’s not out in battle enough to waste that slot. SO far, I’m at a loss but, considering how rarely i have to use her because of my MVP, I’d say it’s not too big a loss.

Strength: 52

Magic: 69

Endurance: 62

Agility: 70

Luck: 51

Alice

My baby. My love. My heavy hitter. Alice is not only my favorite, ll-time Persona, but l most always become my min in every game. Ever since i fused her way back in Persona 3, I’ve been infatuated with how diverse you n make her build. If you craft correctly, she can become the most powerful beast in the entire game! That ludicrous strength lies in her flagship attack, Die For Me. This Curse based, Instant Kill attack slaughters everything not a boss, at a near perfect rate. Not only that, but it can be buffed to greater success. If you put into the time to craft her properly, Alice is a genocide in a blue skirt. And you KNOW i took that time, bro! I had her also inherit Megidolaon and Maeigaon because they’re two of the most powerful attacks in the goddamn game! Plus, i spotted her Salvation for good measure. on the Passive side, she has Holy Boost, Mudo Boost, Curse Amp, and Victory Cry; all buffs to her already ludicrous fighting strength and one that instantly heals my guy after battle. As long as i don’t run out of SP or HP before the end of a fight, I’m golden. And let me tell you, with this build? I win fights, bro. Sh*t is EASY with my girl and i love it! Also, she has one of the highest Magic ratings in my game.

Strength: 54

Magic: 74

Endurance: 53

 Agility: 69

Luck: 54

Honorable Mentions

These cats just missed the boat. They are formidable Persona in their own right and I’m proud to call them the B Squad, but they are a WAYS off from being as staunchy as the A-Team. I usually have them in slots 5 - 9 just in case, but they see the field even less than Ishtar.

Mother Harlot - I love my Whore of Babylon! Ice Age ain’t a bad attack either.

Lucifer - He’s got a decent build, i love Morning star and Black Viper, but it’s hard to ride with him when there’s Satanael.

Satan - Same problem with Lucifer; Satanael trumps him. Diamond Dust is a gorgeous attack bu not pretty enough to get him in the main line up.

Messiah - That Oratario gave this thing an run at my Healer build but Ishtar beat it out. Barely. Messiah Picaro isn’t bad either, just not as good as Ishtar.

Metatron - The thing about Meta is that he’s way to specialized in Holy stuff. It limits his versatility considerably. Still, that Makougaon and Diving Judgement combo is nasty.

Seat Fillers

I add these cats mostly because i like their aesthetic. They will never see battle but i have a thing about not fielding a full 12. While every other Person on this list is maxed out and customized for my style of battle, these 3 are only here because they look cool.

Cybele - Ma is a nice alternative option for healer if Ishtar is taken out. She has a lot of the same spells, just a tier lower. Also, she lacks Spell Master.

Lilith - Lilith is an interesting case. She has a little of every elemental attack. I toy with the idea of tuning her into a general, elemental powerhouse by giving her Megidolaon and Maeigaon at the cost of Spirit Drain and Eigaon but why though? Maybe later. Maybe.

Magatsu-Izanagi - Dude has the potential to be a force if i invest the time to properly build him but it’s hard to want to when i already have Thanatos. It would take a lot of tuning to make this cat great. Outside of Magatsu Mandala, Izanagi is kind of trash. all of his attacks are forgettable but that just means i have 7 skill slots to play around with. Tuner’s delight!

[smokeybrandreviews]

Steal Your Heart

I’ve been playing the sh*t out of Person 5 lately. My anticipation for P5R is boiling over so i wanted to revisit where it all started. I’d gush about the game itself but i already did that, twice. No, this is more about how dope my summon crew has become. I adore the team I’ve put together. It took some fenangling but I’ve customized the sh*t out of some of these guys to create legit powerhouses.

Satanael

It was a legit pain in the ass to get this guy. I had to jump through hoops and two entire playthroughs before i had all the materials to create him but, i must say, i am SO glad i did. This asshole is a goddamn powerhouse! He’s resistant to everything, absorbs curse, and nullifies Holy. I’m pretty sure he’s the only Persona in the entire game that nullifies Holy. My particular version carries the strongest curse attack in the entire game, Maeigaon as well as the strongest non-special Holy attack in Megidoloan. He also has Cosmic Flare, the strongest Nuclear option and Riot Gun, one of the most powerful Gun techniques in the game. I don’t really use the Gun stuff but it’s nice to have. On the other side for support, I kept Salvation, Full HP and cure all stat ailments as well as Samarecarm, a revival spell that returns on ally to battle with full health. Dude also has Holy boost and Victory cry, fully rover Sp and HP for yourself after every battle, as passive skills. He’s pretty f*cking hardbody and i like to keep him in the party for the endgame. That being said, he’s not my go-to. I adore this f*cker but my main is far more powerful than he is in an active battle situation. Still, it’s dope knowing i have this option on deck when necessary.

Strength: 63

Magic: 62

Endurance: 59

Agility: 61

Luck: 59

Thanatos

I know this isn’t part of the Compendium proper and it’s kind of cheap but i love Thanatos. Persona 3 is my favorite of the the series and it’s introduction t the series was just breathtaking. I was mad shook watching this thing ravage those shadows nd became stupid bummed when i was forced to use f*cking Orpheaus for 70 percent of the title. But then i finally got my dude and it was a wrap after that. Seeing him as special DLC in this one made my heart flutter so you KNOW i had to fenangle my guy into the party! My Thanatos opens the deck with Door of Hades, an laughably powerful Holy attack. That sh*t wipes the floor with EVERYTHING! I’m pretty sure it’s the second most powerful attack in the entire game, Holy or not, and carries a chance to instantly kill a foe. It’s stupid OP and i wish it transferred because if i could get my main to inherent this attack, she’d be perfect. I followed that up with Maeigaon and Mamudoon, a curse based attack with a medium chance to instantly kill. I don’t really use these attacks considering Door but it’s nice to diversify. Speaking of diversification, i also have One-Shot Kill, a gun attack that deals sever damage with a very high critical rate. Not bad of the offense side but what about defense? Nothing. I have no buffs of healing spells on this cat. That’s not what he’s for. He’s a f*cking wrecking ball for tight situations and i love him for it. As far as Passive, he’s got a ton. We start with Curse Amp to beef up those two curse attack, Fortified Moxy to increase crit rate during an ambush, Enduring Soul to stay alive with full HP if I’m wiped out, and Adverse Resolve to increase Crit rate if i start a battle surrounded. Stock attacks, sure, but dude doesn’t need much. He’s a goddamn powerhouse out the box!

Strength: 67

Magic: 70

Endurance: 59

Agility: 60

Luck: 48

Ishtar

Ishtar is my requisite healer. She naturally lends herself to that task but, at the same time, has enough attack power to make hr a front line fighter if necessary. I’ve rarely had to whip her out for offensive situations but she’s front loaded with Megidolaon and Psiodyne, the most powerful Psy attack in the game outside of Specials. These re dope to have but they’re not really all that necessary. No, the strength of Ishtar lies in her healing and debuff abilities. Mediarahan restore full HP to the entire party, Samarecarm revives one fallen ally with full HP, and Salvation recovers full HP to the entire party while curing most status ailments. I told you; Healer. To buff her abilities, i have Spell Master, Halves the SP cost of all spells by half and Arms Master, reduces HP cost of skills by half. Growth 3 is in there as kind of a place holder. I plan to change that out with a proper inherited skill as soon as i think of one that compliments her build. I thought about Drain Wind to nullify her her only weakness but she’s not out in battle enough to waste that slot. SO far, I’m at a loss but, considering how rarely i have to use her because of my MVP, I’d say it’s not too big a loss.

Strength: 52

Magic: 69

Endurance: 62

Agility: 70

Luck: 51

Alice

My baby. My love. My heavy hitter. Alice is not only my favorite, ll-time Persona, but l most always become my min in every game. Ever since i fused her way back in Persona 3, I’ve been infatuated with how diverse you n make her build. If you craft correctly, she can become the most powerful beast in the entire game! That ludicrous strength lies in her flagship attack, Die For Me. This Curse based, Instant Kill attack slaughters everything not a boss, at a near perfect rate. Not only that, but it can be buffed to greater success. If you put into the time to craft her properly, Alice is a genocide in a blue skirt. And you KNOW i took that time, bro! I had her also inherit Megidolaon and Maeigaon because they’re two of the most powerful attacks in the goddamn game! Plus, i spotted her Salvation for good measure. on the Passive side, she has Holy Boost, Mudo Boost, Curse Amp, and Victory Cry; all buffs to her already ludicrous fighting strength and one that instantly heals my guy after battle. As long as i don’t run out of SP or HP before the end of a fight, I’m golden. And let me tell you, with this build? I win fights, bro. Sh*t is EASY with my girl and i love it! Also, she has one of the highest Magic ratings in my game.

Strength: 54

Magic: 74

Endurance: 53

Agility: 69

Luck: 54

Honorable Mentions

These cats just missed the boat. They are formidable Persona in their own right and I’m proud to call them the B Squad, but they are a WAYS off from being as staunchy as the A-Team. I usually have them in slots 5 - 9 just in case, but they see the field even less than Ishtar.

Mother Harlot - I love my Whore of Babylon! Ice Age ain’t a bad attack either.

Lucifer - He’s got a decent build, i love Morning star and Black Viper, but it’s hard to ride with him when there’s Satanael.

Satan - Same problem with Lucifer; Satanael trumps him. Diamond Dust is a gorgeous attack bu not pretty enough to get him in the main line up.

Messiah - That Oratario gave this thing an run at my Healer build but Ishtar beat it out. Barely. Messiah Picaro isn’t bad either, just not as good as Ishtar.

Metatron - The thing about Meta is that he’s way to specialized in Holy stuff. It limits his versatility considerably. Still, that Makougaon and Diving Judgement combo is nasty.

Seat Fillers

I add these cats mostly because i like their aesthetic. They will never see battle but i have a thing about not fielding a full 12. While every other Person on this list is maxed out and customized for my style of battle, these 3 are only here because they look cool.

Cybele - Ma is a nice alternative option for healer if Ishtar is taken out. She has a lot of the same spells, just a tier lower. Also, she lacks Spell Master.

Lilith - Lilith is an interesting case. She has a little of every elemental attack. I toy with the idea of tuning her into a general, elemental powerhouse by giving her Megidolaon and Maeigaon at the cost of Spirit Drain and Eigaon but why though? Maybe later. Maybe.

Magatsu-Izanagi - Dude has the potential to be a force if i invest the time to properly build him but it’s hard to want to when i already have Thanatos. It would take a lot of tuning to make this cat great. Outside of Magatsu Mandala, Izanagi is kind of trash. all of his attacks are forgettable but that just means i have 7 skill slots to play around with. Tuner’s delight!

[mittensmorgul]

5.14:

Same, Cas. Same.

Lizbob was laughing at me earlier because I’m in the middle of this seemingly long stretch of episodes that involve Major Fandom Disagreements. And this is one of them. Because of this ^^

Under a cut because JIMINY CHRISTMAS THIS ONE GOT LONG...

(read more excised due to tumblr being shifty)

I will preface this episode review post with this disclaimer: CASTIEL’S LOVE OF CHEESEBURGERS IN THIS EPISODE IS NOT “PROOF” THAT JIMMY’S SOUL WAS STILL IN CASTIEL’S VESSEL AFTER 4.22.

Because everything else about s5 DISPROVES that Jimmy’s soul was still in there. I mean, if you believe that Cas being blown up by Lucifer in 5.22 was what “killed” Jimmy and sent his soul to Heaven, then why wouldn’t Cas being killed IN THE EXACT SAME FASHION by Raphael in 4.22 have done the same? You can’t have it both ways. Either being torn apart on a molecular level by an archangel kills a vessel or it doesn’t. If it does, Jimmy died in 4.22. If it doesn’t, then HE SHOULD STILL BE IN THERE, BUT CAS SAID DEFINITIVELY THAT HE’S BEEN IN HEAVEN FOR YEARS.

Since 4.22.

But, you might say BUT THEN WHY WOULD CAS HAVE BLAMED HIS HUNGER FOR RED MEAT ON HIS VESSEL? NAME CHECKING JIMMY SPECIFICALLY?!

Uh, angels aren’t incapable of lying, or deflecting the truth. And EVERYTHING about Cas’s body language in that scene screams prevarication.

Castiel: It's my vessel -- Jimmy. His, uh, appetite for red meat has been touched by Famine's effect.

Dude’s shifty as FUCK okay? He doesn’t want to admit how “human” he was becoming, cut off from Heaven. He spent all of s5 in a slow slide from grace. He couldn’t heal Bobby in 5.02, he couldn’t hunt Raphael alone in 5.03, he couldn’t smite Meg in 5.10, in 5.13 booping Sam and Dean back in 1978 nearly kills him, in 5.16 he’s reduced to trying to communicate with Dean in heaven via radio and a tv, and after 5.18 he’s rendered utterly human AND BRAIN DEAD FOR A TIME. I mean, he’s forced to use a GUN in 5.21 and a holy oil molitov in 5.22 because he’s just got no juice left. None. BUT IF HE’S NOT AN ANGEL THEN WHAT THE HELL IS HE?! He is terrified, that’s what. And this is his version of Denial.

He can’t even look at Dean when he says it. He’s been staring at Dean wide eyed up to this point, but when Dean questions it, he looks down at the burger, hesitates, and then blames his vessel as he BODILY TURNS AWAY FROM DEAN because he is so far in denial...

Okay, for those who don’t believe that and will only take Word Of God (aka authorial intent) as proof? BEN EDLUND SAID THE SAME DAMN THING:

“I always reserve in Castiel’s overall makeup the fact that there is an aspect of him that is purely flesh and purely human, which can function as it did in an episode before as a real Achilles’ heel, when he started to eat meat, because he just loved red meat. He couldn’t stop himself.”

I.e., THAT WAS ALL CAS. In his very own human body, with his very own human desires and feelings and tastes and vulnerabilities.

Castiel: I've developed a taste for ground beef. Dean: Well, have you even tried to stop it? Castiel: I'm an angel. I can stop anytime I want.

BUT HE VERY CLEARLY COULD NOT STOP. So what does that mean about the rest of his argument there-- that because he was an ANGEL he could stop whenever he wanted.

(insert “he’s no angel” tag here)

Okay, now that we have that all squared away, on with the fun!

*pushes play*

*regrets pushing play while watching a couple literally eat each other to death*

It’s Valentine’s day, and Dean and Sam have no real leads on the case, but Sam expects Dean to go out to celebrate Unattached Drifter Christmas. But Dean’s “not feeling it.”

SAM That's when a dog doesn't eat-- That's when you know something's really wrong. DEAN Remarkably patronizing concern duly noted. Nothing's wrong. We gonna work or what?

Dean doesn’t acknowledge that anything is wrong, because he feels... fine. I mean, he’s not troubled about anything. He’s not feeling the need to Perform anything.

Like in 12.18 we’ve been talking about how Dean uses sex as a coping mechanism. How he’s used alcohol, fighting, hunting even, not to mention LITERAL medications to self-medicate. Those are his go-to self-soothing things.

So if Famine blows into town and magnifies everyone’s desires, makes them “rabid” for the things they want-- like the cupid’s couple who were so starved for physical affection they tried to consume one another, like the second couple in the office who wanted to be Everything And All to each other without anything ever coming between them and ended up in a suicide pact so nothing would ever come between them again--

(JIM I don't know, baby. Seems like whatever we do, something in life is always gonna keep us apart-- Work, family, sleep .JANICE Now prison, maybe...JIM Maybe. But I think I have an idea...How we can stay together...forever...)

Like Cas giving in to his VERY HUMAN HUNGER for cheeseburgers (I miss you PB&J), and Sam giving in to his lust for demon blood... DEAN WAS NOT UNAFFECTED BY FAMINE.

It’s what Dean was literally starving for-- to be whole, to not NEED any of his coping mechanisms, to be able to drop the performance and just BE himself. Of course Famine would see it this way:

FAMINE:  That's one deep, dark nothing you got there, Dean. Can't fill it, can you? Not with food or drink. Not even with sex. DEAN Oh, you're so full of crap. FAMINE Oh, you can smirk and joke and lie to your brother, lie to yourself, but not to me! I can see inside you, Dean. I can see how broken you are, how defeated. You can't win, and you know it. But you just keep fighting. Just... keep going through the motions. You're not hungry, Dean, because inside, you're already...dead.

The smirking and joking? That’s Performing Dean. The “empty” bit isn’t Dean being “dead inside,” but the part of Dean that can reject the performance, that doesn’t NEED to be “filled,” because it’s already at peace with itself.

I am sort of skipping around here a bit... back to the morgue. Dean is amused by the coroner dude. So am I. That doesn’t bode well for the dude. The life expectancy of side characters who Dean finds amusing (like the guy Dean likes because he says “okey dokey”) usually drops to around zero.

Ew, Dean.

But the heart is the key, Sam recognizes the Enochian letter on it, so Dean calls Cas.

I don’t know what’s come over me. I don’t usually infuse these things with a lot of pics and gifs, but I like this episode. (ง’̀-‘́)ง

I think part of it lies in this significant thing that has also been a theme during s12 (and even during s11):

The DIFFERENCE between Sam’s reaction and Dean’s reaction to Cas.

When Cas asserts that a cupid has gone rogue and they have to stop him before he kills again... I mean, someone please offer me a non-desitel-related explanation for this difference, because I can’t find one anywhere.

(I am not actually soliciting non-destiel readings of this scene. I truly do not care about non-destiel readings of this scene. I’m just being hyperbolic)

But aside from the fact that everyone is in agreement about the cupid’s “handshake” technique

what do we really learn from meeting this particular cupid?

DEAN Why does heaven care if Harry meets Sally? CUPID Oh, mostly they don't. You know, certain bloodlines, certain destinies. Oh, like yours. SAM What? CUPID Yeah, the union of John and Mary Winchester--Very big deal upstairs, top priority arrangement. Mm. DEAN Are you saying that you fixed-up our parents? CUPID Well, not me, but... Yeah. Well, it wasn't easy, either. Ooh, they couldn't stand each other at first. But when we were done with them--Perfect couple. DEAN Perfect? CUPID Yeah. DEAN They're dead! CUPID I'm sorry, but... the orders were very clear. You and Sam needed to be born. Your parents were just, uh...meant to be. (sings) A match made in heaven- heaven! (Dean punches Cupid)

So heaven wanted John and Mary to get together. After 5.13 and what Michael told Dean about his “destiny,” this just adds another horrifying layer to all of that. Because “Destiny” was being rigged by heaven. Angels literally were the “agents of fate,” pulling every cosmic string to get all the pieces to line up exactly to bring on the apocalypse.

HORRIFYING.

John and Mary couldn’t stand each other at first, until the event Dean described in 12.01 about how John and Mary started dating?

Dean: Dad told me. March 23, 1972 you walked out of a movie theater, Slaughterhouse-Five, you loved it. And you bumped into a big marine and knocked him on his ass. You were embarrassed and he laughed it off, said you could make it up to him with a cup of coffee. So you went to, uh, Maroni's, and you talked and he was cute, and he knew the words to every Zeppelin song, so when he asked you for your number you gave it to him even though you knew your dad would be pissed. That was the night that you met-

So they couldn’t stand each other BEFORE this intervention by the cupid, who probably shoved the two of them into each other right there...

Like the instant change of heart that came over the two dudes in the bar in 8.23 after the cupid touched them. EVEN DEAN NOTICED THE CHANGE IN THEM.

Okay, back to the show, slightly out of order again, because I keep pausing it to go on mental tangents... I’m not constrained by the time limits of the TNT loop. Hooray for Blu-Rays. :P

*Dean absolutely COVERS his burger in ketchup, just like he does in 12.18, but here in 5.14 he doesn’t have an appetite for it. He’s not trying to “fill the void” inside himself. Instead, Cas takes his burger... like Dean eventually does to Cas’s burger in 10.09... but Cas doesn’t even get a bite before he spots the cupid and chases him down*

*the cupid hugs the crap out of Dean, then Cas, then Sam, then Cas makes him cry, then Dean punches him, and Cas tells Dean he hurt the cupid’s feelings... :P*

*have I mentioned how much I love this episode?*

SAM You just punched a Cupid! DEAN I punched a dick! SAM Um...Are we gonna talk about what's been up with you lately or not? DEAN Or not.

(something finally required Dean “self-medicating”, finally shattered the relative Calm he’d achieved so far this episode, and he lashed out)

*blah blah blah Famine blah blah I already covered the rest of this in the first section of this post...*

Sam doesn’t hunger for the blood itself, but for the power it gives him.

Just like Dean doesn’t hunger for food or sex or alcohol or violence. They’re just tools to help him manage. They are a performance.

I mentioned this in another review recently... maybe even the one for 12.10, but this is the EXACT scene Sam lampshaded for us outside the diner. In 5.14:

DEAN Demons. You want to go over the plan again? Hey, happy meal. The plan? CASTIEL I take the knife, I go in, I cut off the ring hand of Famine, and I meet you back here in the parking lot. DEAN Well, that sounds foolproof. (Castiel disappears) This is taking too long. (Dean gets out of the car)

Dean gave Cas like TEN WHOLE SECONDS before he decided it was taking too long. And he was right to be worried. Cas was completely overcome by Famine.

And in 12.10, after Cas goes into the diner alone, Dean is pacing grumpily for maybe a minute or two before Sam mutters under his breath:

SAM: And you're gonna storm in right... now. 

Sam knows.

But Famine here gives Sam and Dean VERY SIMILAR ASSESSMENTS of themselves, yet puts Sam’s situation in a “positive” light and Dean’s in a “negative” light... because he is bound to Lucifer. He’s “fattening Sam up” for Lucifer. He doesn’t care one jot about Dean. What for Dean was a vast void of emptiness that he’d never be able to fill (dead inside!) for Sam is a blessing for the exact same reason. Context matters...

FAMINE Stop! No one lays a finger on this sweet little boy. Sam, I see you got the snack I sent you. SAM You sent? FAMINE Don't worry. You're not like everyone else. You'll never die from drinking too much. You're the exception that proves the rule. Just the way...Satan wanted you to be. So... (Famine lifts his hands and gestures at the demons guarding him)...cut their throats. Have at them!

Sam gets ONE GLORIOUS VICTORY here, but it came at the price of him giving in to his hunger for power:

FAMINE I'm a Horseman, Sam. Your power doesn't work on me. SAM You're right. But it will work on them. (Sam uses his power to rip out all the souls Famine consumed)

So he has to be locked in detox again. At the very end, we finally see a crack in Dean--

CASTIEL That's not him in there. Not really. DEAN I know. CASTIEL Dean, Sam just has to get it out of his system. Then he'll be-- DEAN Listen, I just, uh...I just need to get some air. [Dean goes outside and looks up at the sky] DEAN Please...I can't...I need some help. Please?

Praying to God for help, Dean? When you had an angel by your side a moment ago who was more than willing to help? Right, Famine’s influence is gone. Your Calm Center is gone too. You can’t let yourself feel okay with Cas anymore. Not to mention a part of his “peacefulness” throughout the episode was due to Sam being “okay.” And he’s so not okay right now...

What is Dean’s hunger? Not to be hungry for anything. To have Cas by his side (though maybe not on a burger binge), to have Sam happy and healthy and whole-- and wholly human. To know they’re all working together. To trust them both completely and have them trust him in return.

ETA: Because Heck while rereading this I forgot: It’s been said plenty of times before, but this is also a huge part of why Sam controls everything he eats. BECAUSE HE NEEDS THAT CONTROL. It’s self-medicating the same way Dean’s self-medicating with what HE can control for himself.

I think a lot of both Sam’s performance of “normality” and Dean’s Performing Dean persona are coping mechanisms, and are rooted in the very same need to have any sort of control over their lives.

[embracetheapocalypsewithme]

Embracing the Apocalypse, Part 13: Gimme Danger

It’s Tuesday and the news is kind of making me feel depressed, so here’s some smut. Maybe that’ll cheer us all up! Let’s party!

Summary: Rebecca preps for her first outing with the scavengers and Negan helps her get warmed up.  

Word Count: 2,960

Content Warnings (or selling points?): Smut, Negan, Negan being Negan, nudity, another goddam dream sequence, and fooling around.

Part 1: The Tale of Thelma Facefuck

Part 2: What’s Up, Doc?

Part 3: A Successful Job Interview Begins with a Firm Handshake and Ends with a Salty Surprise

Part 4: A Crack in Everything

Part 5: Sorting Duty Sucks

Part 6: A Faint Whiff of Bullshit in the Air

Part 7: Turn and Face the Strange

Part 8: Poor Life Choices

Part 9: In Which Negan is a Total Jerk

Part 10: No Plan

Part 11: Negan Settles Rebecca’s Hash

Part 12: I know Where That Hand Has Been, Negan

Part 13: Gimme Danger

Part 14: The Loneliest Hours of the Morning

Part 15: Well, Fuck You Too, Kitty!

Tag List Roll Call: @negans-network @unicorn-blood-splatter @lucifers-trash-stash @opheliadawnwalker3 @ali-pennell @thedeadwalks @negans-dirty-girl @grab-my-boner

Read on A03: http://archiveofourown.org/works/8807527/chapters/21560210

Part 13: Gimme Danger

The remainder of Rebecca’s day was spent preparing for her first assignment with the group. Although no one had confirmed that it would actually happen yet, she picked out the clothing she would wear, set her alarm for 6am so that she would have enough time to shower before leaving, and studied the map Chris had given her until she could re-draw the thing from memory. 

The only time she took a break from her preparations was to swing by the cafeteria and grab her dinner. Tonight’s delicacies consisted of instant mashed potatoes and some kind of chunky brown slop from a can that claimed to be “beef stew”, which she grudgingly ate alone in her room.

A few hours after dinner saw her still hunched over the map, her fingers tracing along the routes between the communities and outposts with admiration. Even though it was somewhat sketchy, the people who had created it had clearly put in a lot of time and effort when they created it. 

Furthermore, she knew that if she was going to hang onto this position, she would have to go above and beyond what was expected of her to really impress the others on her team. Rote memorization of the surrounding landscape might prove to be the best way to achieve this, so she studied the map for as long as she could.

There came a knock at her door around 9pm. 

Rebecca had been expecting that someone would eventually come to inform her that they were still on for the next morning, or to let her know that there weren’t enough men to make the journey so soon. As she reached out to pull the door open, her stomach tightened with anticipation of the news that waited for her on the other side. The hinges creaked and Chris’s face came into view, looming before her in the doorway. She fought her face’s natural urge to showcase her disappointment at the fact that it wasn’t Negan who would deliver the verdict to her.

“Well,” Chris began, “I’ve got some bad news for you.”

Her stomach dropped at his words, “Oh, were there not enough men?”

“No, no. We have plenty of men. The bad news is that you have to get your ass to bed ASAP because you’ll be getting up at the crack of dawn to be on the road.”

“Don’t do that to me!” she laughed and heaved a sigh of relief, “You had me for a second.”

“Sorry, but it was hard to resist,” he said chuckling at her widened eyes and flushed face.

“So you do have a sense of humour then!” she said, her heart rate still climbing down after the scare he had given her.

“From time to time, I’ve been known to crack a joke,” he replied, turning to leave, “Meet us tomorrow morning at Negan’s office. 7:30am sharp. Don’t be late.”

“Got it!”

Closing the door, she allowed herself to drop to the bed, heaving a sigh of relief. Chris was right: she would have to get her ass to bed soon or else she would be dragging herself along behind the group like one of those dead things outside the next morning. Rebecca climbed beneath her sheets, fully clothed, too exhausted from her day of studying to even bother getting undressed. The last thing she did before closing her eyes was to check that her alarm was set for 6am the next morning. Once she was confident that everything was in order, she allowed herself to be taken down into the darkness of sleep.

***

This dream was different than the others. There was no forest, only the dimly lit halls of an abandoned building. Her footfalls were gritty against the cracked tiles that had been stained with rust and grime. A fluorescent bulb flickered in the distance like a dying star, hurting her eyes. Everything smelled of sourness and death. This place was spoiled and rank with death.

Behind her came a long and mournful moan. She whirled around to investigate its origin in time to see a large figure step out of a doorway at the end of the hall and begin dragging itself toward her as if its body was no longer its own. From the gait, she knew immediately that it was a dead thing, and that it knew exactly where she was. It was coming for her.

(there's nothing in my dreams. just some ugly memories)

Her body felt as if it were paralyzed. She wanted to run and scream, to leave this terrible place, but she couldn’t. As the figure neared her, passing under a barely-functioning light, she saw the facial features emerge from the shadows. It was Negan. His arms hung limply at his sides and his eyes were glazed over and milky in death. A large wound wrapped itself around his neck, the blood long since congealed around it. He was dead.

She had to go on.

She had to move.

She couldn’t move.

As the dead thing walked along the corridor, passing open doorways, other figures joined it, dragging their feet along the surface of the floor. She saw Chris, the side of his face ripped open, mouth chopping hungrily at the air as he neared her. There were other men that she recognized from the Sanctuary with them. They were all dead. All coming toward her, reaching out with cracked fingernails caked with gore.

At the back of the undead mob, she noticed a figure with wavy, light brown hair. It stood shorter than most of the other figures, but she knew it instantly. She had spent years studying and adoring its face. The eyes were dead now, not the deep green she had loved to look into every morning. She hadn’t seen him since the forest. She had killed him there, after he had turned, and yet here he was. They were all here, and they were all going to drag her down with them.

Rebecca was still frozen in place as the first one grabbed at her, pulling her toward its mouth. A scream was torn from her throat as it sank its teeth into her face. They were all on her now, ripping and biting at her flesh. Another scream was raked through her throat, piercing the air.

The pain was unimaginable, yet in her dying moments she thought that maybe it was good. This is what she deserved. She had gotten them all killed. This was her fault, so death was her fate.

(what can i do about my dreams?)

***

Her eyes sprang open in the darkness of her room. The first thing she noticed was that the air no longer smelled of death and rot. Her sheets were soaked with sweat and her heart thudded in her chest. She was alive. Bit by bit, she came back to herself. She was in her dorm room in the Sanctuary. She was safe.

Her breathing and heart rate slowed as she tried to calm herself after the nightmare. She told herself that it had only been her brain trying to work out her anxieties about the next day while she slept. That was all. Nothing bad would happen on the road. Dreams did not determine the future.

Looking at her watch she saw that it was only 3am; still a few hours before she needed to be up. She attempted to slow her breathing down further, closing her eyes and forcing her head back to the pillow as her inner monologue attempted to placate her irrational thoughts:

(you’ll get them all killed, just like you got him killed!)

(it wasn’t your fault. it was no one’s fault.)

(everything will be fine. it was just a dream. go the fuck to sleep)

She allowed the darkness to swallow her conscious thoughts once more.

(just a dream. just a dream. go the fuck to sleep. it was no one’s fault)

Before fully losing consciousness, she silently wished for a dreamless sleep.

***

The alarm sounded at 6am, jarring Rebecca awake. Her wish for a dreamless sleep had thankfully come true, and she woke up feeling rested and ready for the day. Brushing away memories of the previous night’s bad dreams, she went about her typical morning routine of showering and grabbing a quick breakfast before going to meet the rest of her team in the hallway outside of Negan’s office.

Her footfalls reverberated as she rounded the corner that marked Negan’s wing of the building. Assembled in the corridor was a cluster of six men and women, joking and chatting casually to one another. As Rebecca approached, the conversation fizzled out and heads turned toward her.

Chris stepped forward to greet her, “Good morning, Rebecca. It’s good to see you again.”

“Good morning! Nice to see you too,” and then to the larger group, “I’m Rebecca. I guess I’m the new girl.”

The others mumbled their greetings, and Chris asked them all to introduce themselves to her. She learned that the group mainly consisted of ex-military and law enforcement employees. They also counted among their ranks a former military history teacher and a young man who had been a lifeguard before the world ended, which made her feel slightly less out of place amongst the gaggle of bad-asses and hard-looking characters.

As the introductions finished up, the door to Negan’s office swung open, hitting the wall beside it with a loud bang and silencing all conversation. Rebecca tried to keep a straight face as her brain summoned up an image of him on the other side of the door, listening to them and waiting for just the right moment to shove the door open and make his entrance as dramatic as possible.

The man himself swaggered into the hallway.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” he began in his typical boisterous manner, which felt wholly unnatural given the early hour, “Let’s all wake the fuck up and hit the road! It’s gonna be a long one.”

He inspected the group, looking to see if he approved of their equipment and attire. Rebecca’s heart jumped into her throat as he stopped just in front of her and stared her down. Unsure of how friendly to act toward him, or if she should even make eye contact, she squeaked out a simple “Hello!”, keeping her eyes on the floor.

“You!” he barked at her, sending her hair on end and causing her head to jerk up and her eyes to widen. His gaze was dark, showing none of the warmth she had become accustomed to with him.

“Yes, sir?” she replied.

“You are not dressed for this shit at all. Seriously?” he brought an index finger out to hook under the strap of her tank top, snapping it against her shoulder, “Shorts and a tank top? You want to slather yourself in BBQ sauce to invite some walker bites too?”

“It- it’s all I have. I don’t have any other clothes,” she murmured, feeling sudden, hot anger toward the man. He had to know that she had basically nothing in this world now. How dare he embarrass her in front of her new colleagues.

“Come with me. We’ll fix this and then get on the road,” he said flatly before walking briskly down the hall. Rebecca struggled to keep up with his pace as she jogged beside him.

They remained silent until they came to stop at the commissary’s storage closet where Negan pulled a key from his pocket, unlocking the door and stepping inside the darkened room. Rebecca followed. It was still too early for any staff to be there, so they were alone amongst the shelves of goods and racks of clothing.

“Thanks a lot, asshole!” she hissed at him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What? You are dressed utterly fucking ridiculously for what we’re doing.”

“Is that so? And you couldn’t have given me a fucking heads up yesterday?”

“It slipped my mind,” his voice was still flat, but a devious look had taken over his eyes, “Plus, if I had done that, I wouldn’t get to watch you strip for me now, would I?”

Rebecca shook her head, sighing in annoyance at his antics, “Ok, what am I going to wear then?”

Negan scanned the racks, seeming to look for something specific. Once his eyes found what he was searching for, he grabbed a hanger off of the rack and held it out to her, “Ideally, this, but I don’t think it’ll be much better than what you have on,” he said grinning. A very tight, skimpy cocktail dress hung from the hanger, looking to be at least two sizes too small for the curvy woman.

“As if that would even fit over my ass! Get real!”

“Ok, maybe another time. Here!” he replaced the dress and grabbed a pair of thick khaki pants and a long-sleeved grey shirt, “This that’ll work?”

Rebecca nodded and took the garments from his hands, “Where do I change?”

“Oh come on, Fuckface! You’re not getting all shy on me, are you? Change right here. For me?” he wiggled his eyebrows at her in what she assumed was supposed to be a seductive look, but which just came across as goofy, “It’s gonna be hard enough not ravaging you while we’re out there on the road together. Can’t I at least get a little show to jerk off to in my sleeping bag?”

“You are not being very charming this morning,” she said with a laugh, “But I’ll do it anyway. Out of pragmatism, you see,” she said as she pulled her tank top up over her head revealing her ratty, old bra before removing her shorts.

“Mmmm-hmmm. Sure. That looks pragmatic,” he said, licking his lips at the sight of her body before grabbing a sports bra from a shelf to his right, “Here, try this. That bra looks like it’s about to bite the dust and it’s totally killing my boner.”

“Thanks. You know how to make a girl feel special,” she said dryly, unlatching the clasps on her bra before letting it drop.

Negan’s grin widened at the sight of her now fully naked before him in the storage room. Taking a step forward so that their bodies nearly touched, he reached out to caress her shoulder and down her arm before cupping one leather-clad hand over a breast. Goosebumps rose along her arms as she inhaled deeply, allowing him to touch her.

“These are fucking lovely, if you don’t mind me saying so,” he said, his voice dropping to a low growl.

“I don’t mind at all,” she said as she tilted her face up so that their lips touched in a deep kiss. A groan escaped Negan’s mouth as she brought a hand down to feel the front of his pants, which were beginning to tighten around his hardening cock.

“And that feels magnificent, if you don’t mind me saying so,” she giggled.

Emitting a low growl, he pushed her against a nearby wall, and began to plant kisses along her neck and collarbones before moving lower. Rebecca gasped at the dissonance between the cold concrete against her back and his warm mouth meeting her nipples. He allowed his tongue to swirl around her and she could feel arousal begin to spread throughout her body.

Negan began to move his face lower, trailing his tongue down her stomach as he got on his knees before grabbing her right leg and throwing it over his shoulder. He began to kiss her inner thighs, nipping at the delicate flesh and teasing her while planting his gaze firmly on her eyes, appearing to enjoy the flush that had spread across her cheeks.

Without warning, the door to the commissary creaked open, splitting the darkness with a beam of light from the hallway to illuminate their forms. For the second time in 24 hours, Rebecca froze like a deer in headlights, caught in the act. This time, however, she was completely exposed. Negan jerked his head away from her and stood quickly to shield her from the eyes of the person entering the room.

“Jesus fucking Christ! Can’t I walk into a room without finding you two going at it?” the voice was female and filled with contempt.

“Fuck, Julie!” Negan sounded annoyed, “What the fucking fuck are you doing here anyway?”

“I’m opening today, idiot,” she placed a hand on her hip, “You know, the job I have to do because you got your ass thrown in jail a few years ago.”

“Well, can you give us a minute? I was just getting Rebecca here some clothes for work.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly what it looked like you were doing,” Julie rolled her eyes at the lame excuse, “I’ll be back in five minutes. Please be gone when I get back,” she said before shutting the door a little bit too hard and rattling some of the items on the shelves nearby.

Rebecca scurried toward the pile of clothing on the floor, hurriedly pulling the bra and shirt on before the pants, “So, I guess we suck at being careful and discreet.”

“We’re just lucky that it was Julie and not someone else who barged in here,” said Negan thoughtfully, “At least Julie knows how to keep her mouth shut.”

“You feel pretty confident about that, huh? I hope you aren’t wrong.”

“Nah, I think we’re ok. Let’s get the fuck out of here before people start looking for us,” he said, patting her ass as she exited the room in front of him. They walked back to his office in silence to rejoin the group.