#love how many people in theatre production are willing to have strong opinions on things they know nothing about

[grinchwrapsupreme]

sometimes i think about the moment i lost respect for my last boss which was when we were on a 2 hour car drive together and he asked if i would ever do nft's and i said no and we had a 15-20 minute debate about the validity of non-fungible tokens, the purposes of them, the financial incentives, and i wound up discussing the concept of what 'qualifies' as art and the value of art vs investment in nft bro culture, and he replied with, "yeah i don't think digital art is art either" and in the process of trying to figure out how he possibly got that from what i was saying he also revealed that he didn't know what bored apes were and i realized he didn't know anything about the topic he was debating and in that moment i stopped giving a shit about what this guy had to say about anything which obviously isn't ideal in an employee/employer relationship but also he was a theatrical technical director who didn't like plays that weren't musicals so in hindsight there were flags

[chaoswillfallrpg]

VICTOR YAXLEY is TWENTY-FOUR YEARS OLD and a SOCIALITE amongst THE SACRED TWENTY-EIGHT in LONDON. He looks remarkably like NAT WOLFF and considers himself NEUTRAL. He is currently TAKEN.

→ OVERVIEW:

The youngest of the infamous Yaxley twins, Victor Yaxley could be described as an outlandish character for those who had not met his sister ELEANOR. Born into a very wealthy family a few moments after his older sister, Victor followed Eleanor into the world and would spend his life doing the exact same thing thereafter. The only son of ELIJAH YAXLEY and ISMENA FLINT, Victor would have had an easy life if he had been an only child. The Yaxley family were fabulously wealthy, with influential ties to the Ministry through his uncle CORBAN. It was tradition that the eldest son, would take over the helm of the Yaxley family after the passing of Victor’s grandfather, but Victor’s father had always been more concerned with the stage than with balls and advantageous unions, prompting his grandmother ZARIAH YAXLEY to pressure his father into settling down and eventually marrying his mother. A larger than life man, Elijah had worked in the theatre since graduating Hogwarts, which Victor’s grandmother had always despised. A traditional woman, Zariah fiddled in the lives of her sons as she would later come to fiddle in the lives of her grandchildren. Before his marriage, Elijah had lived a life of chaos, chasing chorus girls and putting on lavish productions at the playhouse which made their family cringe. Victor had always gotten the impression from his father that marrying into the Flint family had broken his creative spirit in some way. 

After Victor and Eleanor were born, Elijah had tried to maintain his life at the theatre and Victor’s very early years were littered with memories of sitting in the front row watching his father leap around on stage pledging his undying love for actresses who wore glittering costumes Elijah had helped design. The theatre was Elijah’s passion and Victor’s mother, Ismena’s passion had been his father Elijah. Despite being raised to always think of how you were perceived by others, Ismena did her best to ignore the constant whispers as she clapped for her husband and told her children how proud she was of their father. It was when Victor and Eleanor began to grow old enough to hear the whispers themselves his mother urged Elijah to give up the stage. When it came to drawing up marriage contracts both Ismena and Zariah knew families like the Blacks and the Malfoys married their children to Pure-Bloods entering society, not the children of an actor and playwright. Despite no longer working for the theatre, the Yaxley family could not outrun Elijah’s passion. The people he’d worked with were replaced with his children and Victor’s sister became the star of the show. Eleanor, like their father, demanded attention and whilst Ismena and Zariah tried to rear Victor to one day be the head of the family, as it seemed his sister was destined for a life like her father, Eleanor didn’t quite seem to get the message and treated him like her personal assistant rather than a brother. 

As she stood in the family parlour during her one woman shoes, Victor was reduced to making costumes and dressing her in them or ushering their family in to watch her sing. His sister was the only thing that eased his father’s departure from the theatre, but even Victor could see Eleanor wasn’t enough to make him happy. No one ever commented on it, but Victor would watch it all unfold silently. His mother would often tell him to stand up to his sister and demand her respect but Victor found it difficult to take advice from a woman who had allowed her husband to treat her so terribly. It was frustrating feeling to know that in their family Victor and his mother would only ever be supporting characters though he resided not to argue with his parents or sister about it. In Victor’s opinion, Eleanor was only capable of loving herself. She was a dead ringer for their father who had never taken an interest in anyone who couldn’t give him something he wanted. As he listened to his family he made a silent promise to himself to not end up like them. Unhappy and thrown together into a situation of convenience that would never manifest true happiness. He had hoped Hogwarts would be the start of finding that happiness he so desperately desired. Although Victor was much quieter than his sister and overlooked because of that, he had all the grandeur and showmanship of his father. 

Out of his school robes, Victor only wore expensive, hand tailored clothing and often had a hand in the process of designing all of the garments he wore. It was his love for his appearance and an ability to withstand being around very strong personalities that attracted the attention of NARCISSA BLACK. Sorted into Slytherin alongside her, Narcissa was everything his sister could never be but what Victor’s mother and grandmother hoped strict schooling would turn her into. Narcissa was image conscious and constructed a friendship group of beautiful people like him and his sister. VIOLET BULSTRODE and PERSEPHONE WILKES were perfect till they opened their mouths and REGULUS BLACK and RABASTAN LESTRANGE were handsome, stoic and quiet which seemed to be how Narcissa preferred her company. Although Victor was fond of her, the constant noise from the people that surrounded her and close proximity to his sister drew him to become friends drew him to become friends with WILLIAM GOYLE and ALECTO and AMYCUS CARROW, fellow Slytherins who floated on the edge of his original group of friends. The new group allowed Victor to explore a side of himself he’d never been brave enough to look at. Alecto and Amycus were trouble maker twins with a relationship which made him envious. Amycus let Alecto take the lead but was always there to catch her when she fell or jump aboard a plan she had to make the lives of those she hated miserable. 

He wondered if he and Eleanor could have been that way if he’d been more comfortable giving her the limelight or if she’d have been happy to share it. At first his friendship with the twins and William was to help boost his ego but then it became about something else entirely. Amycus Carrow was feared by all who knew him, but Victor saw something else. He was always seen as a monster, but Victor told himself it was mostly for show. The love he had for Alecto seemed too pure for him to be completely evil and although Victor projected a very firm and cold stance to the outside world, he allowed Amycus to see a softer side to him he believed they both shared. Victor found beauty and meaning in every owl he received from him and each glance and kiss exchanged after parties in dark corridors filled Victor with the promise of something more. Even when Amycus and his family were disgraced due to his father’s gambling, Victor was still willing to marry him and offer him every happiness. The Yaxley family refused to hear of it. As they lectured him on appearance and the importance of strong ties, his father sat oddly quiet. Elijah had never been much of a father but with their family reputation in the balance, Victor had thought he would say something, but he wouldn’t. Unbeknownst to Victor, his mother and sister, his father would have been a hypocrite. More than the love of the stage had prevented him from being a proper father and husband, leaving him with little a leg to stand on. 

CHRISTINE MAY was a Muggle actress and ¼ veela who had worked opposite his father for many years. Their professional chemistry had carried off screen and due to his stupidity or perhaps out of love, three children had been born. ADAIRIA LINWOOD and LAUREL LINWOOD were born before he’d married Ismena and had been swept under the carpet by Zariah. MAREN LINWOOD was born after Victor and Eleanor and had been a closely guarded secret his grandmother and father had tried their best to keep. A year their junior, Maren had been a favourite target of Victor and Eleanor’s at school to bully. A Muggle-Born witch, they’d known her from choir and despised her talent and prettiness, none the wiser her talent ran in their veins too. Knowing that if their birth was made public it would ruin the family, Victor’s grandmother had done her best to steer the family away from drama and draw up good contracts for the rest of the family to wither the storm should it come. As such she had thrown the twins at anyone she deemed worthy and sent numerous owls to RITA SKEETER to push her endeavours and make them seem more eligible to other families. Sick of her interfering, Victor hatched a plan to keep his grandmother at bay and plan his path to happiness. Scheming with former schoolmate Persephone Wilkes, the pair have been plotting a scandal sure to keep their annoying relatives at bay and cause the right kind of stir on the Sacred Twenty-Eight social scene.

ADDITONAL INFORMATION:

Blood Status → Pure-Blood

Pronouns → He/Him

Identification → Cis Male

Sexuality  → Homosexual & Demisexual 

Relationship Status → Single

Previous Education →  Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (Slytherin)

Societies → N/A

Family → Elijah Yaxley (father), Ismena Yaxley (mother), Victor Yaxley (brother), Adaria Linwood (unknown half-sister), Laurel Linwood (unknown half-sister/adversary), Maren Linwood (unknown half-sister/adversary), Corban Yaxley (uncle), Dionysus Flint (uncle), Lotte Flint (aunt), Decius Flint (cousin), Rosalie Flint(cousin), Eelis Burke (uncle), Kratista Burke (aunt) Caius Burke (cousin), Lyra Burke (cousin)

Connections  → Amycus Carrow (close friend/object of affection), Alecto Carrow (close friend), William Goyle (close friend), Narcissa Black (close friend), Persephone Wilkes (friend/faux girlfriend), Violet Bulstrode (friend), Rabastan Lestrange (friend), Regulus Black (friend)

Future Information → N/A

VICTOR YAXLEY IS A LEVEL 3 WIZARD.

[whenallelsefails-eatpie]

Finally Answering Questions for y’all

Q1: How tall or short do you wish you were?

I used to wish I was taller because I already am tall for an (AGAB)female (5′8 1/2) but then I learned about platforms so. 

4: What was your favorite video game growing up?

Monkey Ball or Sonic Adventure Escape the City...I only had a Gamecube.

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Uses humor as a defense mechanism but will quickly become extremely invested in you  and give you immense amounts of unending love if they vibe w you

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]

Melancholic

9: Are you ticklish?

extremely, on my back and sides (use this information wisely. I take no responsibility for involuntarily punching anyone who tickles me)

10: Are you allergic to anything?

absolutely nothing, allergies are to weed out the weak. (jkjk no eugenics here sis you slay that epipen)

11: What’s your sexuality?

~ pansexual  ~ (prefer agab [not cis, those are two different things] females)

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa?

tea, then coffee with cocoa. I don’t enjoy cocoa or coffee as much separately.

37: What is your eye color?

hazel/green 

38: Introvert or extrovert?

I’m ambiverted but lean toward introversion. 

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings?

oh yeah absolutely, I personally just prefer that the tattoos aren’t on your face.  Or with piercings that they don’t take up so much of your face that I can’t see what you really look like.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now?

pink, red, or platinum 56: Something that calms you down?

reading, playing instruments, taking a bath, cooking or baking

57: Have any mental disorders?

yessir. ADD, anxiety. and I used to have really bad depression. Now my depression is simply manageable lol. 

73: What is your MBTI type?

INFP (enneagram 4)

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes?

surprisingly yes, will I come close to passing out? Maybe. But I can.

87: Do your socks always match?

never, I hate matching my socks unless the socks are funky and need to match to give them the biggest bang for their buck. 

92: A store you hate?

Dick’s sporting goods. I have been dragged around that place for hours and absolutely nothing there interests me. (edit: I found a beanie that I liked but my previous opinion still stands)

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day?

start counting and never stop. If you mean in terms of actual measurements like cups/ounces, I can drink 20. What can I say I’m from New England.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds?

Definitely fly because that might help lessen my fear of heights

95: Do you like to wear camo?

literally shoot me if you ever see me wearing camo. please, I beg you. that will be me at my lowest point 

96: Winter or summer?

Autumn. Next question.

97: How long can you hold your breath for?

3-4 minutes. It’s all that breath control from musical theatre.

99: Someone you look up to:

Jughead Jones. Yes I said that, fight me. He is completely himself and he allows the different facets of his personality to shine through to people that he loves and cares about. He is loyal and caring but also unique and resilient. Plus his fave food is burgers which is an instant win for me.

100: A store you love?

Hot Topic, Barnes and Nobles, Savers or any thriftstore 

102: Where do you live?

New England bb (; gettin that dark academia aesthetic straight from the source

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem?

Amber

105: Do you drink milk?

You mean out of the glass? Like a psychopath? Like a serial killer? Absolutely not

106: Do you like bugs?

I do! Except for spiders and mosquitoes (although I’m warming up to spiders)

109: Can you draw:

Eh yeah ig, well enough. I draw realistically but I’m not great at animated style. 

111: A question you hate being asked?

“Are you a boy or a girl?” (like why? does it personally affect you? are you planning on boning me? if not then buzz off)

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach?

Yes, but only at night when the beach is quiet. I’m not a huge fan of the beach during the day

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days?

Rainy or sunny. Don’t go givin me the clouds with none of the drizzle.

119: Favorite thing about a person: 

Personality first and foremost. Humor and kindness. But physically; their smile and mannerisms. 

120: Fruits or vegetables?

Veggies (or berries i like berries)

121: Something you want to do right now:

Run away... ahah. But in all honesty I would love to go mushroom foraging rn, or possibly go on an adventure. Maybe go put on clothing meant for an entirely different time period and run around Target idk.

123: Sweet or sour foods?

Definitely not sour I hate sour. Spoonfeed me wasabi, that I can handle. But if you make me eat a Warheads I will cry. 

129: What would you want written on your tombstone?

I personally have a lot of problems with the funeral industry, so I would rather not take up space and rot preservation chemicals into the earth. But if I had an interim tombstone with no body underneath, it would read “Live Laugh Love” bc ~irony~

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself?

that I’m very individualistic and stubborn

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures?

Yes absolutely, that’s what they’re there for.

134: Do you like roller coasters?

Do I like feeling like I’m about to full send through the crust of the earth and die? No. No I do not. (I am a simple person, I go to carnivals for the food and to feed off terror.) 139: What nicknames do you have/have had?

Cookie

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink?

OH YEAH absolutely, I am a repressed gen z homosexual raised in a homophobic religious atmosphere, I am practically born with a therapist assigned to me.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others?

Definitely good -_- unfortunately. Catch me bein the mom friend.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help?

I prefer giving, but I am learning how to recieve. 

144: What makes you angry

People who live their lives in willful ignorance despite the endless resources available to them and let that ignorance hurt others.

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?

All of em. Gimme em all. I don’t like boys as much currently but I would still probably lay my life on the line for some. 

147: Are you androgynous?

Yes. It’s more fluid than it is being in consistent limbo between masc and femme. Usually I’m androgynous but I often swing wildly between both ends of that socially perceived spectrum. 148: Favorite thing about yourself physically?

My hands or smile(product of bracesTM). But I have been told I have nice hands. 

149: Favorite thing about your personality:

I am a very strong blend of wise and class clown. I can do em both, I can do em well, and I can do em whenever. I also care a lot about others but I don’t change myself to be accepted by them. 

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person.

MLK Jr. --> I want to gain perspective on some of the current global issues. Jesus --> I’ve got a lot of questions for that dude. JRR Tolkien bc he’s incredible or Joan of Arc for the same reason

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose?

Ooh well, as a woman not many eras are desirable. But um probably either the 70s or Ancient Greece

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons?

YES. GIMME UR FINGERS > i meant that to sound much less threatening than it did but my statement still stands. 155: Do you like to play with others’ hair?

Yes it’s literally one of my favorite things to do. I hab empty lap. *pat pat* U may lay your head on it and watch Rilakkuma and Kaoru with me while I play with your hair. pls. 157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious:

Women..... That’s it. That’s the tweet.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told:

That I am not a member of the alphabet mafia. (It’s not currently safe for me to come out) Now tell me *shines light in your face* who are your contacts?

164: Do you have long or short hair?

I have medium hair. It’s around the length of a bisexual bob or a good mullet. 

165: Shortest/Longest your hair has ever been:

Shortest was a pixie cut, almost buzzed, amazing. Longest was to my butt and was literally the worst experience in existence. I shall to this day actively rebel against having hair like that again. 

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion?

Organized religion can suck it. You can’t organize your relationship with God, nor can you stick it into a little manmade box and pretend that you have the ability to create a perfect faith which others have to either follow or perish. It’s arrogant and damaging and hurtful and not at all what Christianity is supposed to mean. 

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created?

I do. I think it’s important and something we need to think about. I do believe there is something after death, and I like to believe that my life has meaning. I think that questions of creation are important questions to ask and we can’t just ignore them.

168: Do you like to wear makeup?

Yes! It’s fun! Pretty colors!

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully?

Absolutely. And the ones I didn’t feel like answering I simply omitted.

[artificialqueens]

Sweet like Sugar (Branjie) - Delia

AN: Hey lovelies! This is my first time writing fic, so please be gentle but also let me know what you think…a little Branjie sugar mommy for your nerves x ps: if you have any questions, comments or concerns feel free to hit me up on @thvnderfuckz pps: tw for some, very minor, implied daddy kink

BLH

25/F/New York City

I��m a 25 year old dancer from Toronto, working to start my career. I like fashion, nights out, and travelling. Seeking a partner who is fun, adventurous, and willing to support me in pursuit of my dream.

Brooke Lynn read over her bio for what must have been the seventh time in as many minutes and let out a sigh. Each draft that she’d written had sounded more robotic than the last. It’d been a long time since she had to write anything like this, having deleted Tinder, Bumble, and HER off her phone not long after she left Toronto. Since moving to New York, she’d discovered that she much preferred going out and finding women to hook up with in person. With her long blonde hair, dancer’s physique, and innate flirtiness, it was easy enough to find someone willing to take her home for the night. Easier, at least, than talking to a girl on an app for weeks, only to find out that she was interested in a long term commitment, and having to deal with their messy emotions after Brooke told them that she wasn’t interested. If there was one thing that she did not do, it was relationships.

And now, she was trying to get paid to be in one.

She’d be lying if she said that she never thought she’d be in a position like this. From the time Brooke had told her friends and family that she’d wanted to pursue dance as a full time career, she’d been given the “wouldn’t you rather something more secure” speech more times, and by more people than she could be bothered to count. Even her older sister Katya, who’d chosen to make abstract semi-sacrilegious art her vocation in life, had tried to suggest to her that she do something with a future that was less uncertain. But Brooke knew that she was born to dance, no matter what anyone tried to tell her to the contrary. If anything, their doubt fuelled her drive, and made it all the sweeter when she’d been offered a role in ensemble of the Broadway production of Moulin Rouge! upon her graduation from Ryerson. The moment that she’d stepped off the plane at JFK and stepped into the apartment that she would be sharing with another ensemble member from the show, Scarlet, she felt as though she was living her wildest dreams come true.

In all of her excitement at the time, Brooke forgot that the most wonderful dreams often lead to the harshest wake ups.

Four months into her run, the cast began to notice a dwindling number of fans at the stage door after each performance. Five months into her run, cast and crew alike began whispering about finding new jobs soon. Six months into her run, on a particularly humid Sunday in July, the cast and crew were gathered by the production team before everyone left the theatre and were told that the show would be closing at the beginning of September, after the Labour Day weekend. Brooke immediately started panicking at the prospect of being out of a job in one of the most expensive cities in the world. There was nothing she wanted less than to have to move back home to Toronto with her tail between her legs.

It had been two years since Moulin Rouge! closed, and although Brooke had managed to avoid making the move back home, she hadn’t been able to get a job performing since. She was always too tall, or too technical, or didn’t have enough personality. She’d been able to find a job in the meantime, teaching classes at a dance studio in Tribeca, but the money she made from that was barely enough to cover her necessities. It certainly didn’t cover luxuries such as brunch with your ex-roommate, as Brooke found out after her credit card was declined at her and Scarlet’s bi-weekly date. She barely had time to try and form an apology before she witnessed Scarlet reaching into her purse and placing a crisp one hundred dollar bill on the table, telling the waitress to keep the sixty dollars in change. Her embarrassed expression transformed into one of jaw-dropped shock as the redhead pulled her from the restaurant.

On the walk back to the subway, Scarlet revealed to Brooke that she’d been various “mutually beneficial relationships” with different men since she’d first moved to the city when she was 19, and that it had been her main source of income even while she was performing.

“It’s easy money, plus it’s kind of empowering,” explained Scarlet in her low voice, which still held a hint of the drawl indicative of her Southern upbringing. “It’s like, they have the money but I have all the emotional power. Without me generously donating my time to them, all these men have are their frigid marriages, or soul sucking jobs. A lot of the time the only thing standing between these powerful, rich men and a complete nervous break is me. And if that’s not power, I don’t know what is. So if I have to laugh at a few bad jokes and kiss a couple of CEOs to be able to live the kind of life I want, all while knowing that I could end any of these men at any given moment, then so be it.”

Oddly inspired by her friend’s speech, Brooke downloaded the sugar dating app onto her phone later that day.

And now here she was, sitting in front of her laptop at 11:00 pm on a Saturday night, drinking a bottle of wine and stress reading her three sentence bio for at least the tenth time. Fuck it, she thought, this is as good as it’s gonna get.

After clicking the “submit” button, Brooke was redirected to a page showing all of the potential sugar daddies in her area. As she scrolled through pages upon pages of photos of headless torsos, she became increasingly regretful of her decision to not filter out men immediately.

CEToEs

Disgusting.

KinkyExec

Nope.

DominantDaddy

Absolutely not.

Brooke was a lesbian, and had known that since she was 14. However, Scarlet told her that there were far more sugar daddies than sugar mommies in the New York area, and that a lot of the time the men didn’t necessarily even want sex. But as she clocked the usernames of several of the daddies on the app, it was clear that the redhead had either lied to her or was somehow the most blissfully oblivious girl in the city.

The blonde promptly returned to her settings page and deselected men as an interest. When she returned to the home page, she was delighted to see the profiles of fifty-or-so women pop up. She began scrolling again, hoping that someone would catch her eye.

WorldsMostPunkRockMoms

Meh. The two blonde women in the thumbnail picture were definitely beautiful, but Brooke didn’t know how she felt about getting involved with a couple who had a child.

Detoxicant

The woman in this picture looked like she’d had a lot of plastic surgery. Still, she was hot. Brooke tapped the little heart icon next to the photo and continued scrolling.

Toward the bottom of the page there was one profile that had a little green dot next to the thumbnail. Brooke took a little comfort in the fact that she wasn’t the only one on this app at this time on a weekend night. She clicked on the profile and two pictures filled her screen. The first was a headless torso shot of a woman wearing an oversized Versace t-shirt as a dress. Although her face was out of frame, Brooke could tell that the woman’s hair was a caramel brown, at least at the tips, and went to just below her collarbone. The second image was another faceless picture, but in this one the woman was wearing a spaghetti strapped red dress, showing off her deeply tanned skin and an, in Brooke’s opinion, weirdly specific chest tattoo of a hairless cat atop a red rose. The bio beneath the pictures read:

V 23/F/New York City

no face pics because i gotta stay lowkey. promise i’m not gonna kill you or anything like that, just lookin for a cute girl i can take out and trEat right.

Brooke rolled her eyes at the innuendo and let out a small huff of a laugh. The girl obviously had some sort of sense of humour, which she supposed was important. And it was pretty impressive that someone so young was in a position where they could support someone else financially.

The green dot was still displayed next to V’s username. She was still online. Brooke took a deep breath and clicked the chat icon at the bottom of the screen, typing out a quick, hopefully flirty-but-without-coming-on-too-strong, message.

BLH: I hate to break it to you, but saying ‘I’m not gonna kill you’ sounds exactly like what someone who would kill me would say ;)

Brooke quickly exited out of the app and opened up Instagram to check and see if Katya or her wife had added any new photos of their cats or dog. Before she could even begin typing her sister’s name into the search bar, her phone dinged, letting her know that V had responded.

V: hate to break it to you babe but saying youre looking for a partner sounds like youre tryna open up a lawyers office

Brooke swore under her breathe. She knew she sounded too robotic.

BLH: Oh god, I’m sorry. I’ve never done anything

V: lol relax mami, youre cute with all your worrying

She bit down on her lower lip, half in frustration and half trying to suppress a smile. V was already teasing her about her worrying, and they hadn’t even met yet.

BLH: Aren’t you more of the mommy in this situation though ;)

V: i mean i usually prefer daddy ;)

Brooke felt a quick rush of heat to her center at the word “daddy”. She closed her eyes trying to stave away memories of various nights in the alleyways behind various bars with various women.

BLH: I think I can make that work ;)

V: listen, not to be too upfront but youre gorgeous and id love to take you out sometime if youd want?

V: we could meet and figure out an allowance or something if thats what you want! ive done this once before and it was a really good experience for both of us…i gave her around $8000 a month for rent and stuff but we could figure out something specially for you if you need somethin different

Brooke could’ve sworn she felt her heart stop when she read the word “month”. She’d never been with one single person for more than three nights, much less on a month to month basis. But V seemed nice at least. And if not nice, she was at least experienced at this kind of arrangement, and was apparently quite generous to boot. Eight thousand dollars a month would cover her rent and utilities almost four times over. Eight thousand dollars a month would mean that she wouldn’t have to worry about getting her card declined at brunch. Eight thousand dollars a month meant that she wouldn’t have to pick up every possible shift at the studio, and could spend more time going to auditions.

Eight thousand dollars a month meant that she was definitely not turning V down right off the bat.

BLH: I’d love that. Name the time and place, I’m free when you are.

BLH: Daddy ;)

Brooke Lynn Hayhoe doesn’t do relationships — but for eight thousand dollars a month, she was willing to fake it.

[audliminal]

Broken Lines, Shattered Souls

Chapter 2 of 4

I posted this on Ao3 last week but forgot to post it here too, like a fool. But I’m back with chapter two y’all!

Wordcount: 4916   Pairing: Eventual LAMP   (link to AO3)

Warnings for this chapter: Insomnia, self-hatred, depression, self-destructive behavior. Also contains a vague description of a car accident/hospital stay. It’s hurt-comfort, so... y’know.

Roman has two parents and they love him. He knows they do, even though they never really say it in so many words. He knows because they show him, because they go to his theatre performances, and because they look at his report card and smile proudly, even though it’s far from perfect. They love him because he is their son, and he knows it.

Roman knows his parents love him, because they show it; because they make his favorite foods when he’s feeling bad, and because they’re always willing to plan their weeks around Roman’s performances, no matter how big or small they are. Roman knows they love him, even as they scold him for still being up, when the red of his alarm clock is blinking back some ridiculous time -and how is it 2:30 am already? - and fret over his slipping grades. He knows that his parents love him more than anything in the world, but they also don’t understand him.

They don’t understand him when they make their quiet little comments about how he should be focusing on schoolwork, even as he works on his stories and drawings, as he works on his biggest passions. He knows this because they never know how to compliment him in the lobby after performances (all they ever have to say is “wow, your part had so many lines”). Roman is the child of an engineer and a nurse, and they do not understand the artistic passions that drive their son’s life.

Most of the time, Roman is fine with this. He knows that his family can’t be expected to understand everything he cares about, but still, it hurts when they stare blankly in the face of his enthusiasm, and it hurts when he gets so little praise for the parts of his life that he truly cares about, where he’s putting all his effort.

That’s how Roman meets his boyfriend, after all, desperate for a tutor, desperate for someone to help him bring his grades up. He wants nothing more than to impress his parents, to show them his report card and smile, not in a consoling way, but in the surprised way of somebody who’s truly been shown something amazing. And Logan is practically a genius, so of course, it’ll work, and then it turns out that they get along so well, and he has such pretty eyes that Roman can’t help asking him out.

Roman wasn’t really expecting him to say yes.

But Logan does say yes, and they go on dates and it’s so much fun, and Roman’s acquisition (and indeed choice) of a boyfriend seems to impress his parents even more, and it’s so great because Logan is everything his parents are, and more. Logan is smart and dedicated, and he cares about things like math and science. But he also understands literature and has strong opinions on Shakespeare, and they disagree on so many things, but that’s okay because at least Logan cares. And Logan always finds something interesting to comment on when he comes to Roman’s performances.

And of course, Roman isn’t able to date Logan for very long without getting to know Patton, who’s Logan’s best friend, so he ends up not only getting a boyfriend out of the deal but also a best friend, because really, Patton is one of the kindest people in the world and Roman loves him near immediately.

And when they’re all together, things seem mostly perfect, and Roman is happy and relaxed and feels like the world is his to conquer. But at night he goes home and sits in his bedroom, all alone, trying to balance the weight of his parents’ dreams as well as his own, and if the effort leaves him a bit tired in the morning, well, sometimes these things are necessary. It isn’t like sleep comes easily for him anyways, and his parents are always saying that if he isn’t going to go to bed, he might as well be doing something productive (the fact that they’re usually talking about doing chores isn’t important).

Things change a bit in the summer before senior year, though, as they find out about Patton’s changing soulmark and the horrifying self-hatred he’s harboring that they somehow both missed. It’s shocking and it hurts because Roman knows so well how Patton must feel, so he dives into the work of distracting his friend, even as Logan pushes himself harder and harder to find the answers to counter Patton’s self-hatred. There’s talk of therapy, but they’re all still teenagers and don’t know the first thing about bringing it up to parents, so in the meantime, Roman makes a vow to support his best friend as best he possibly can. Roman’s own schoolwork starts to fall out of priority, and the looks on his teachers' faces betray their concern, but every smile Roman manages to coax out of Patton makes it all feel more than worth it.

Still, this isn’t a balance that Roman can maintain forever, and he catches the time on his clock growing later every night when he finally makes it to bed.

So Roman starts to arrive at school every day, bleary-eyed and wishing he could get just a few more hours sleep but he ignores the weight in his eyelids and powers through his classes, determined to ignore the parts of his brain that are screaming for soft pillows and warm blankets.

Of course, sometimes Roman slips and zones out, and misses his teachers saying important things, or he loses track of his conversations with Logan and Patton, but Logan is always there to fill in the gaps of his notes, and neither of his friends seems inclined to say anything when his mind starts to drift. So, it’s easy enough to ignore the tugging at his eyes. And if Logan seems to get a bit annoyed when Roman struggles to wrap his mind around basic math concepts, well, is it too horrible if Logan just thinks Roman is dumb? He is dating Roman, after all, and the thing is, Roman knows that Patton and Logan aren’t going to be around forever. They all have hopes and dreams, and he and Logan may be dating, but they aren’t soulmates, after all, so neither of them has any real reason to stick around forever, even if Roman finds himself dreading the thought of them leaving. Life, after all, has a sort of impermanence to it, and Roman can hardly count on them to stay with him when even his own parents have a wildly different idea of who he should be.

So Roman does his best to cherish their time together while they still have it, and when Logan and Patton start talking about colleges to apply to, he smiles, even as the image of all of them in wildly different places fills him with an unfamiliar feeling.

“I mean, I’d absolutely love to go to Julliard, but I’m not really good enough, so…” Roman finds himself answering, the very thought of himself making it into Julliard drawing a brief strain of hope out of him. Beside him, Logan hums and looks down at his notebook.

“So, you’re planning on majoring in drama, then?” and Roman watches as Logan sifts through papers, and then he’s pulling out three sheets of paper and handing one to each of them. Roman examines the paper, startled to find a table of colleges, with a series of checkmarks beside them. At the top, all three of their names are typed out, and Roman stares as the world around him seems to shift entirely.

“I’ve been looking into what colleges might work best for each of us, to see if there was anywhere that might fit us all. Patton, this August you mentioned you were thinking about psychology, but I’m aware that your intentions might have changed since then, so let me know if there’s something else you’d like me to check for.” Patton nods excitedly, glancing down at the paper. Roman’s still reeling, trying to understand the meaning of what’s been placed before him, but Logan doesn’t seem to notice his confusion when he turns to address him.

“I presumed that you’d be planning on drama for your major, Roman, but I also did some research into English and music departments, just in case. And you should absolutely apply to Julliard if you want, Roman. There’s certainly no harm in it, and- well, you’re the best actor at our school for sure. Aside from that, I thought it might be nice to apply to at least a few schools together.” Logan’s fidgeting hands betray a hint of nervousness as he continues. “I thought it might be agreeable if we could find a school that worked well for all of us, so I’ve been doing some rudimentary research.”

“Rudimentary,” Roman snorts as his head starts to wrap around what Logan’s proposing, and he reaches over to claim one of Logan’s hands with his own, and grab the notebook with the other, so he can flip through the pages of scribbled notes it contains. “How long have you been working on this Logan?” Logan flushes, and Roman feels his face break into a full-on grin, his heart feeling lighter than it has in months.

“Well, I think that’s a lovely idea!” Patton exclaims; his face flushing with delight. “I didn’t want to admit it, but I was starting to worry about the thought of being so far away from you guys next year.” Roman watches as some of the tension releases from Logan’s shoulders, and in the face of their clear joy, Roman chokes down his disbelief. Instead, he smiles and agrees, and spends the rest of his lunch doing his best to maintain his attention as Logan lists off all the colleges he thinks would work best and all the pros and cons of each one.

Unfortunately, doubt isn’t quite so easily destroyed, and when Roman completes his homework that evening, throwing himself into his latest project is all he can do to keep the nagging thoughts at bay. After all, Logan is supposed to be the logical one, and Roman can’t imagine why he would be willing to settle for a school that would fit all of them. Roman had been sure he’d be headed for MIT or some other fancy school of import. So, he works and works, desperate to quiet his brain, and the clock blinks back its angry letters in the dim light until exhaustion finally overtakes him and he stumbles his way over to the welcoming embrace of his blankets.

The balance begins to tip after that, and Roman catches himself, for the first time, nodding off in the duller moments of his class. Teachers seem to notice too if the irritated looks are anything to go by, and the glares worry him enough that he dives into his assignments with a desperate vigor, determined to complete them so carefully that each of his in-class transgressions might be ignored.

Roman finds himself staying up later, fighting beneath the weight of both his homework and projects, until he’s collapsing against his desk, exhaustion poking at the corners of his eyes, even as a hundred different stories stare up at him from the blank paper in front of him, and a hot kind of shame stabbing at his chest. He never seems to get any closer to finishing anything, no matter how much time he puts into his work, and he hates it. Artists -successful artists- need to be able to finish their work. And yet Roman’s been doing this for years by now, and he still can’t seem to finish anything, can’t keep his attention on a single plot for long enough to even dream at being able to write “The End.”

No, instead Roman has piles of half-finished sketches and pages of nonsense; of characters without homes and plots without people, of brief, vague ideas that have yet to formulate themselves into anything solid, and of clear, well-illuminated scenes, suspended in stasis and all alone, without any story to fall back onto.

The only reason Roman even manages to apply to any colleges, in the end, is because Logan is there, narrowing down the best schools for them all, and he lets his boyfriend guide him through the process of applying, desperately working to perfect his application essays in the free time that only seems to be draining away before his very eyes. He’s relieved when Logan only briefly mentions applying to Julliard again, and Roman is able to brush it off, pretending he has it handled. He doesn’t even bother to look up the application process, though. After all, there’s no way that some half-baked creative like him would be accepted.

By spring, Roman finds himself intimately familiar with the feeling of forcing his eyes open, no closer to completing any of his stories and his schoolwork somehow still not entirely finished. He’s used to the effort it takes to push himself up into a sitting position, neck creaking as he stretches, and his limbs full of a vague kind of ache. He doesn’t have to check the time to know that he’s only got a handful of minutes to get ready before he needs to head out the door, so he drags himself into a standing position and throws on a clean shirt. Roman’s mornings stopped including enough time to plan his outfits in mid-January, and now it’s April and the memory of having an actual style is so distant it’s nearly forgotten. Instead, Roman pairs his shirt with his most comfortable pair of jeans focused only on the hope that he can make it to class on time today.

Roman laments the lost sleep as he makes his way to school, wishing that there was simply more time in the day, for Roman to get everything done. He flinches in class when he receives his homework back- more than half the answers are wrong; one should never do math when dead tired, but there’s not really been another choice lately. He shoves the papers into his backpack before Logan can see them, knowing full well what his boyfriend will think if he sees the horrid grades -the words ‘not good enough’ bounce through his mind, a repeating echo of all of his failures- and tries his best to pay attention, even as exhaustion murmurs at the edge of his mind, drawing him further and further down.

His head hits the desk in the middle of third period with a dull thunk. Luckily, the teacher either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care. The bell wakes him thirty minutes later, drawing his head up as he blinks the sleep from his eyes, trying to remember where he is.

But when the class is over, and Roman is gathering his things so he can head to lunch, his teacher calls his name before he can leave, and Roman is forced to blink back the bleariness and focus on the words his teacher’s saying.

“This is the third time you’ve fallen asleep in my class this semester.” He says when the rest of the class has filed out the door. “And you’ve been making obvious mistakes on your homework. I know you’re not interested in the class, but you need to manage your time better, Roman. Even if you don’t care about your grades in this class, colleges will.” The exhaustion drains from his body in an instant as the teacher waits for an answer. In its place, adrenaline begins to course through him, making him cold with fear. But he can’t think of a coherent answer, and in its place he’s stuck staring at his teacher, wondering if this is what a deer feels like when watching a car careening straight at it.

The teacher doesn’t say anything at first, clearly waiting for a response, but when it doesn’t come, he sighs.

“Roman, I don’t think you understand how important this is. You’re coming dangerously close to failing in this class.”

The words slam into him with the force of a jet plane, and suddenly Roman can’t breathe. He can’t talk, can’t do anything but stand there as the teacher waits, still demanding a response that he doesn’t have. Time passes, and even as he stares blankly at the wall of his teacher’s classroom, the cracks in Roman’s life web out even further, and in the barest instant, everything shatters, the ground disappearing from beneath Roman’s feet, and he is left plummeting down into a nightmarishly dark abyss. The teacher watches him. He cannot respond. There is nothing left to say, nothing left to do. Roman will fail. Roman already has failed.

Eventually (has it been minutes? Hours? Days?), the teacher lets out another frustrated sigh; gives up and walks away and Roman is left standing alone, desperately trying to restart his brain, just enough so that he can stumble his way out of the damn place, just enough so that he can find somewhere safe to break down.

He doesn’t make it very far. Roman bursts into tears in the hallway; collapses against his locker as the weight of his every failure comes crashing down onto him. There is no saving him, no fixing this final of disasters. Barely a month left in school, and Roman does not know how to drag his grade back up from the ditch he dug for it, not in time for it to matter. So, Roman cries.

Passing students give him weird, concerned looks, but Roman can’t bear to choke it all back down, so he tries his best to ignore the judgement in their eyes, shifts further out of the way, backs himself up until he’s pressed against the wall, shaking apart at the seams.

Patton finds him later, and Roman can’t tell whether it’s been a few minutes or an eternity, but Patton quickly folds himself onto the floor next to Roman’s shaking form, curls around him like a blanket, and whispers soothing sounds into his ear. It only makes Roman cry harder.

“What happened?” Patton asks, when the tears finally stop coming, and Roman feels like he can maybe think again. His voice is soft and gentle, and Roman doesn’t know how to explain it, so he just whimpers, curls into Patton’s arms, and tries to forget.

Eventually Logan appears, and together he and Patton manage to coax Roman up, off the floor, and they slowly make their way out to Logan’s car. Roman lets them buckle him in without protest. He’s so very tired, and he doesn’t think he can keep his eyes open any longer.

Roman rouses back to some level of awareness when the car comes to a stop. He’s still tired, exhausted and drawn, and he lets them pull him, support his weight together, as the three boys stumble towards the door. Vaguely, he thinks he feels someone touch his side, frowns in confusion, before the word key drifts through his fuzzy sleep-drunk mind. Then, everything starts to go dark, darker, his exhausted brain dragging him down into unconsciousness once more. It will be weeks before he realizes that both his friends ditched class for him.

The sunlight, sneaking its way through his blinds, is what finally pulls Roman back to awareness. He is warm, wrapped in blankets, and the exhaustion is still there, but it has definitely receded; has lessened its death grip on Roman’s life. He feels numb.

He lays there, mind feeling strangely silent, heart slow and relaxed, and mulls over the confusion, works his way backwards in time through his memories. He was tired, so tired. Logan and Patton had helped him to his room, practically dragged him there. Before that, he had been crying. He remembers it vaguely, some horrible distress that had been gripping his heart so tightly he couldn’t breathe. He thinks, tries to remember further back, but a haze has settled over his brain and he cannot remember. His heart is beating slow, calm and relaxed. He cannot remember the last time he pulled himself into wakefulness without the help of coffee. His stomach rumbles.

Roman pulls himself up into a sitting position. He is hungry, he suddenly realizes, stomach rolling with displeasure at the missed dinner he had lost to this sleep. Briefly, Roman wonders what day it is. He finds that he doesn’t really care. Pushing himself up, further, out of bed, proves to be surprisingly difficult, his limbs like dead weights, his head heavy, his mind still foggy with the remnants of his exhaustion. It will take more than one night of rest to cure Roman of his bone-deep exhaustion.

Ambling steps make for a sufficient enough means of getting Roman to the kitchen, and dully he remembers that his parents are both away on a business trip. There is no one to judge him, no matter how much he stumbles. With a final burst of effort, he makes it the last few feet, collapses into a kitchen chair and blinks up at-

Logan, who’s sitting beside him, perched on a chair of his own, nursing a warm mug of tea and completing a crossword puzzle out of that book he carries everywhere. Just a few feet away, Patton bustles around in the kitchen, looking very much like he owns the place. Both of them look the very image of a peaceful domestic life. Roman’s brain stalls, confusion seeping in. He does not think he remembers living with them.

“Morning, Roman.” Logan suddenly murmurs, drawing Roman’s eyes straight to his own, where the slightest of frowns is visible. “I hope you slept well?”

“What-” Roman begins. Stops. Gathers his thoughts. Starts again. “Why are you here? I don’t remember-” What Roman is supposed to remember, he doesn’t know. Everything still feels so strange. Logan raises his eyebrow at him.

“No?” He asks. “That is- rather concerning. You must have been even more exhausted than we estimated.” Patton bustles over, just then, and slides a steaming mug in front of Roman. He glances down, stares at its clear brown contents.

“This isn’t coffee.” Roman states. He usually drinks coffee in the morning, but this isn’t-

“No,” Logan agrees. “I rather think you should be taking some care to avoid coffee for the time being.” A pause. “Tell me, Roman. On average how many hours of sleep have you been getting lately?” The question is unexpected. Roman doesn’t know how to answer, so instead he leans back and begins to sip at the tea.

“I...” Roman shifts with uncertainty. “I usually get to sleep by three?” Something clatters to the ground, and Roman glances over to see Patton standing frozen, spatula now on the floor. Roman forces his gaze downwards, to the ground.

“And when do you usually wake up?” Logan prods further.

“Five?” Roman offers, cringing beneath the weight of their combined disappointment. Patton makes a noise then, and moments later arms are wrapping around his shoulders, holding so tightly that Roman can hardly think.

“How long?” Patton breathes beside him. “How long have we been missing this?”

“Forever?” Roman finds himself asking, realizing with horror that he can’t even remember a time when he didn’t feel tired. “Pretty much since-” he cuts himself off; they don’t know about the accident.

“Since what?” Logan presses. And when did he make his way around the table?

“I don’t know... Since I was a kid, I guess.” He doesn’t want to tell them. He can’t tell them. “It didn’t used to be so bad though.” Time has always felt so strange to Roman. Like a speeding car, it comes at him so fast but in the mirror looking back, it feels like he’s already wasted decades of his life on dreams that’ll never come true.

Logan sighs, leans forward from his spot beside Roman’s chair, reaches out to grab his hand. The fuzziness is almost gone now, and Logan’s eyes capture him for a long moment. Nobody moves. The clock ticks forward but it seems like time is frozen for one precious moment. And then Roman looks away, and everything resumes.

“Roman, you need to sleep. If I- if we had realized...” Logan trails off. Roman breathes in relief. He really doesn’t want to know how that sentence would end.

“I can’t.” Roman says. “There’s too much to do and not enough time, and now I’m failing math-”

Oh.

“Failing?” Of course, he remembers it now. Roman’s been skipping out on his math homework more often than not these days and there’s just not enough time left to fix it. He can’t meet Logan’s gaze. Logan, who’s the smartest person Roman’s ever met; Logan who never gets less than a hundred percent on any assignment, and Roman dares to be failing algebra? If he didn’t hate him before...

“Roman, you idiot.” Logan breathes out. “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have helped you in an instant.” The response catches him off-guard, and he blinks back up at his boyfriend, who stares down at him. The sorrow there reminds of his mother’s eyes when he woke up in the hospital. He only sort of remembers the actual collision of the other car slamming into them, but the aftermath still makes him nervous to think about, even all these years later. His mother still walks with a limp, and even though the scars on Roman’s arm have mostly faded, the name that had once graced the flesh had never returned, even past the scar tissue. He still remembers the tests, the fear and concern in his parents’ eyes as doctors explained that he might have brain damage and the insomnia that had followed him ever since. Roman doesn’t mention any of that, though; isn’t ready for the vulnerability which that would require, so he just shivers and glances down.

Roman doesn’t know how they do it, but he ends up back in his math teacher’s classroom, that Monday. Patton stands behind him, a reassuring weight on his shoulder, as Roman stammers out his apology and asks what he can do to fix his grade. He doesn’t know what to expect, is trying desperately to prepare himself for derision, for refusal. Instead, his teacher only asks one question.

“Why didn’t you talk to me sooner?” The question is genuine, and Roman doesn’t know how to express how sorry he is, so he just tries his best to answer. It ends in soft, embarrassing tears that usher themselves forth as he struggles through an explanation of how he kept telling himself it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. Somewhere in the middle he accidentally admits to how worthless he feels, and Patton’s hand tightens on his shoulder. But maybe it needed to happen, because after that, the teacher stops demanding answers, and just works out a plan, a series of assignments and exercises, says that Roman can do them to make up for all his missed homework. His teacher tells him to try to get as much of it done as he can, and then makes him promise to stop by on every Friday afternoon, just to check in on how far he’s gotten.

Once they make it out of the room, it becomes Logan’s job to keep him together. They get together whenever they have free time; spend it alternating between their houses, and working through every problem, and when Roman balks beneath the weight of all the work, Logan catches Patton’s eye from his place beside them, and they drag him away from it all, offering him moments of distraction just when he needs it most.

Logan walks him through every problem with a guiding, calm voice. He talks with Roman every night, calling him over the internet, and telling him about his research, reads him ancient stories until he finally falls asleep each evening. Patton offers him encouragement, warm and bright and brazenly confident that Roman will succeed, even when he’s struggling. Patton takes him to the meeting with his teacher that Friday, and when they leave, Patton pulls him into a hug, long and warmer than Roman’s felt in so long.

Months later, Roman will laugh with Logan and Patton. He will joke about how stupid he was not to ask for help sooner. Months later, in the heat of summer, Roman will come to a decision and tell them the truth. He will confess in the dark of night and tell them everything that led to the faded scars on his arms and will admit to them the name that he had, once upon a time, on his wrist.

“I don’t even know if they’re still out there. Maybe they got a new name, but I-” Roman will trail off.

“I for one am glad you didn’t get a new name. After all, you might not have asked me out if you did, and I find that I rather enjoy your company.” Logan will respond, his face flushing slightly as Patton beams beside him. And Roman will take a deep breath and know that everything is far from perfect- there are still nights where he lays awake for hours, and occasionally he still catches the whisper of self-doubt on Patton’s face, but at the very least, it seems they’ll always have each other. And after all, isn’t that worth all the stars in the sky?

[gretagerwigarchive]

Greta Gerwig, Accidental Movie Star

by Mark Asch, 03/28/2012

source: http://www.thelmagazine.com/2012/03/greta-gerwig-accidental-movie-star/

Like you, Greta Gerwig is still figuring out how she ended up in the job that’s working out surprisingly well for her. Since she arrived at the SXSW Film Festival in 2006, on spring break from her senior year at Barnard, in conjunction with her first film role in Joe Swanberg’s LOL, her onscreen roles and career trajectory have traced an arc familiar to many from her generational cohort. Initially playing stumbling postcollegiate strivers in films from the loosely associated DIY movement everybody kept claiming to hate referring to as “mumblecore,” Gerwig these last few years has graduated to Hollywood comedies like No Strings Attached and Arthur, and has become something of a muse to the literate, neurotic writer-directors to have emerged from previous indie epochs. She was the secret heart of Noah Baumbach’s Greenberg; she stars in the first film in over a decade by writer-director Whit Stillman, Damsels in Distress, a daffy comedy about campus mores which comes out April 6; the big kahuna, Woody Allen’s To Rome with Love, comes out in June. We met for lunch earlier this month, before she headed uptown to see the new production of Death of a Salesman; our conversation follows, give or take some grumbling about New York’s gentrification and what the internet is doing to our brains.

Is there any kind of trade-off as far as having been in films, at least initially, where you had some claim to authorship over them, versus now? How comfortable are you with the trade-off? The trade-off is strange as far as—I love it some ways. In some ways it’s wonderful to have a strong author to a film, a writer-director like Whit, but. It’s frustrating when you both don’t have a voice and then there isn’t someone else with a strong vision. That’s really hard, because then it feels like I don’t know what language I’m speaking, or what world I’m in, no one really setting the tone. It’s a pleasure to be in someone else’s world and vernacular, but it is hard in terms of… I don’t know, acting in some ways is so selfless, it’s strange because actors do get a lot of visible glory, but at the same time, there are ways in which you’re really a vessel for someone else, and always in someone else’s world, and I don’t know that I’m always adequately selfless—I’m always deeply impressed by actors that give only to the character and it’s not about themselves at all, and I always struggle with that, I always feel like I’m battling between what Greta thinks—

Is it a kind of self-consciousness? It’s more like, I mean on a very base level, it will be like: I’ll be reading a script and have an opinion about it and say, “I could’ve written this better!” But it’s… that’s not good. But I think on another level—this sounds pretentious, not pretentious, but I think it’s an actress I admire very much said it, but it’s a little elevated, but someone said, Actors are written in water. A performance disappears as soon as it appears, and even if it’s caught on film it’s gone.

I think that was Keats’s epitaph, actually. Really? Well, an actress said this, at a moment of passion. Anyway, there is a way in which it’s fated as soon as it’s begun, so if you have any sort of author instinct, you have to kind of squish it down.

I had a question for you about writing. You wrote, initially. Do you still? What are you working on? I shot a movie that I wrote.

Oh, you did? I hadn’t heard about that, can you tell me about it? It’s a secret. It should be at festivals this fall or next winter, but it’s done, it’s shot, so… Still writing! It’s sort of deliberately been under the radar because it’s hard to surprise people and everyone has expectations about it.

You were doing dramatic writing in college, right? I was doing playwriting in college. And I love the theater, so I did a lot that when I was in college, and I kept doing it after college but I got pulled into this world. I think in some ways—I mean I do love film, but I think if I had been pulled into the world of theatre, that had as many opportunities, I would have hung on—

Writing or acting, or both? Both. It was more of a response to when you’re just out of college, it’s like a desert. It’s like, you’ve gone from—there’s a rich culture, so many opportunities, people are responding to everything you do and interested and willing to enter you and give you small amounts of funding to work on stuff, giving you awards every two seconds. And out of college, there’s nothing, you have no structure—and I’m so grateful to Joe Swanberg and Andrew Bujalski and the Duplasses that that they were making all this work and that I could just dive into what they were doing. So much of the battle was about forward momentum, and all you want to do is be given a canvas. I love films and I love what we did but I also think in some ways it was happenstance.

This makes another good segue, because the film that we’re promoting, you and I, Damsels in Distress, which I love, and which we’ll get to— Yay! I love it so much.

Well, let’s talk about that. We’ll go back to college. It’s just so virtuous and credulous and you’re playing somebody’s who’s discovering all these belief systems and internal logics for the first time. I think it’s just such an openhearted movie about… I guess, generousness of spirit. She’s the most sincere liar, too. She’s a terrible liar, but she completely means it the whole time. It’s such an odd character, such an odd group of characters—and movie. Watching it, the first time I watched it was in Venice at the film festival, and the strangeness was heightened by the fact that it was mostly an Italian audience, the jokes don’t totally work for them or they would work a little later because of the subtitles, but when I was making it I really believed in Whit’s world. It all started sounding really rational. When I originally read the script, it seemed that it was heightened and satire and I started making it—

He means everything, I think. He means everything. It’s totally sincere on his part. He’s not making fun of these people and he’s not making fun of their ideas, or what they’re going through, and, I don’t know, there’s this quality he has in his filmmaking that it’s hard to put my finger on that I really really like. It happens in Last Days of Disco and in Metropolitan I think the most. But there’s something that happens towards the end of the movie in his movies, people are often just sort of… forgiven.

He has a remarkably inclusive worldview, I think. I like that he writes about these very circumscribed social microcosms where you don’t really have the option of not socializing with somebody because of personal animosity or romantic rivalry and then by the end everybody is sort of reconciled to each other. I think he likes all his characters, I don’t think he writes bad people. Even the people who are difficult, like Violet, or the Kate Beckinsale character in The Last Days of Disco, he likes them. He’s generous with all of them.

Is it interesting, because he’s I guess 60 years old now— He is? Oh my goodness, I didn’t know.

Well, I was interested because it’s a much different perspective on this age bracket than many of the films you’ve made with people who are much closer to you in age. I know. It’s a much more interesting perspective.

It’s what youth looks like I suppose to somebody else, for once. I don’t think—you know it’s funny, but I never really thought about it as a movie about young people. I think in his world adults behave the same way. I tend not to look at like, this is about young people—I mean, most things are about young people, so it’s hard to…

Yes, but I mean there’s things specifically— College—

Well not even college, but the way that somebody like your character repeats things and the way your character tests out everyone else’s formulations. It seems at least sort of formative or tentative. Not to get sidetracked into arguing… No, I just thought it was interesting that I never really thought of it like that. I mean it just seemed so out of time, in a way. I guess it didn’t have that “this is how young people live today” feeling, which, some of the other movies I’ve done feels like that. It felt like it was about young people in a world that never existed.

How was it working with a group of younger and, at this point, lesser-known actresses for the most? I guess that’s fairly a fairly recent development for your career right, at least in terms of larger films. It is. They were great. I mean, it was sort of like, actually most of us were around like 27 or 26 when we made it. Annaleigh Tipton’s younger, but everyone else was sort of—me and Aubrey Plaza and Megalyn and Caitlin were all sort of… it was actually kind of nice in that way, acting like you’re in college after you’re out of college, only Analeigh was actually college age, but the idea of being the known element is utterly absurd still to me. But I would say more than being sort of a whatever-that-means known element, it’s the first time I’ve ever been number one on the call sheet. It’s different the way that you feel in a movie. Because even if you’re a big part but you’re not the biggest part you still come in and do your work, but you’re not setting the tone for everyone. And actually doing that was a challenge, I loved doing it but it’s terrifying because—it must be, this is an unfair comparison, but it must be sort of what it feels like to have a child, where you realize, “Well, my parents never knew what they were doing. You just… can have a baby.” You always feel like, when you’re lower down on the call sheet, the person who’s number one seems that they must have some secret knowledge that you don’t have. But for the most part they don’t, everyone’s just acting every day.

It’s. I suppose, analogous to pretty much anything that people in our age bracket are experiencing in whatever field they’re in, by now. Or it’s creepy when you realize that people I went to college with are now out of medical school, or out of law school. And it’s like, “She’s my fucking doctor? I did E with her at four in the morning on a roof!” But now they’re becoming the people… There’s this Joseph Conrad novella called The Shadow Line, it’s about being 27, when you cross this “shadow line,” from boyhood into manhood, It’s about this guy who takes over a ship when the captain dies, and stuff happens, and he’s all of a sudden given, he’s become the captain of the ship, and it’s happened in a second, and he realizes he’s crossed the shadow line, and now he can’t go back. It’s great, it’s not that long, but it’s so good, it’s so good, and it ends with him talking to all these old sailors—or it’s framed so he’s telling the story of when he was 27, and he’s old now. And old in Joseph Conrad stories is, like, 50. It’s so sad, it’s so sad, and he’s talking about being young and he sort of says, like, none of us knew that was going to be the happiest we ever were.

I went back and reread an interview you did with Lena Dunham where you talked about wanting to work with Woody Allen, about how he “had an erotic renaissance with Scarlet Johannsson and he can have a neurotic renaissance with” you. I guess I did say that.

And I was wondering, now, how it came about? And how the experience was, in comparison to what you expected. I think if you had a moment that you’ve been anticipating and can’t believe that it’s happening and you’ve been building up your whole life, you almost can’t experience it while it’s happening, so it was amazing, but it also had a very dreamlike quality and I also feel like I want to do it again. I want to go back and do it again, I want him to make another movie… I had a great part, but it was also very much an ensemble and I wanted to spend 24 hours a day with him. I think it’s always a struggle to be present in your own life while it’s happening, especially while good things are happening—but yeah I watched the documentary about him a couple of months later and I didn’t feel like I had had that experience, it still felt removed to me. Maybe if I see the movie, it’ll feel like that.

As a director, is he particularly—not demanding, but specific? Yeah, he’s specific. It’s funny, people always say he doesn’t direct, but he really does direct, in my experience. He gives you freedom with the words—oh my gosh, doesn’t that dessert look really good? I might get it—he says, “Oh, say whatever you want to say,” but he’s looking for a sound, I think he’s looking for something that sounds naturalistic to him. He’ll push it until he hears what he wants, which is, you know, that’s what good directors do.

That’s interesting because you see a lot of sort of open-ended takes where there’s enormous of variety in terms of style or vocal mannerism. It seems like an interesting contrast between him having very specific standards and the results on screen often looking very relaxed. It’s pretty amazing to me that still makes a film a year. It’s odd that—I think that there’s two different kinds of actors, I think there are actors who fell in love with acting, and I think there are actors who feel in love with writing. And I think I’m an actress who fell in love with writing more than even acting, and with Woody Allen and other people… I love participating in them, as writers. But the same time, part of me, I think that’s why I write too. Part of me is like, “Was I responding to wanting to be them, or be part of them? Did I want to have my own experience of doing that do I want to be part of their experience of doing it?”

Do you have a sense when you’re working with other performers—do you feel that most of the performers you’ve worked sort of give in to the script. Do you feel like you’re in the minority or the majority? I think it depends. I think a lot of my favorite actors are ones who are in love with acting, and maybe I’m just self-loathing. But I think a lot of my favorite actors, I think they’re the ones who can take mediocre material and elevate it. Because they’re so in love with acting that they can do that. I don’t know. I’m not quite sure I think that there’s a good number of actors that I love who know struggle with it too. Gene Hackman is one of my favorites, he has nothing good to say about acting, pretty much.

That’s his persona, too. That’s the thing, yeah, I’m such a sucker, too, I believe personas, I believe interviews, sometimes I’ll read things, like, “That’s the truth” and my agent’s always like, “Greta, you of all people should know this is not always true.” I can’t like separate it, if I read a profile of someone… I actually think some of the best, for me, whenever I feel like uninspired, especially as an actor, I love listening to Terry Gross’s interviews with actors, she always asks great questions and she gets them talking about something they love, and listening to really smart, interesting actors talk about why they love acting makes you want to do it. I just heard Viola Davis talk about it and I was like, “Oh my god,” I was crying, she’s talking about her grandmother and what it means to be an actor and it’s really I think that’s always a good thing. I don’t know, I think listening to other actors talk about acting is the best way to learn about it.

One thing I remember vividly from Hannah Takes the Stairs was the sense that the struggle for the character that you played was about expressing herself, verbally and whatever else that implies, and the film that I thought of at the time was actually Kicking and Screaming, because it was a completely opposite tack, people talking around and around and around the same problems. And I was wondering, as you’ve started to work with directors who are known as writers of great dialogue, about the difference between performing inarticulacy and performing articulacy. Well, I love scripts, I love lines, I love working with good ones… With Whit, the character of Violet is the most articulate character I’ve ever played. I don’t have the sense of Hannah, or other films that I made—we got a lot of shit for the way we used language, or for people struggling with what they were going to say, but I don’t know that struggling to find the right word is necessarily a sign of inarticulacy. It’s odd because I think sometimes it shows someone who cares a lot about language, because they’re struggling and can’t find the words. Mike Nichols said something about—I actually, as a person who both acts in things and writes things, I’m not that interested in improvisation. I don’t like it that much. I don’t think it’s that useful. Most often it yields something that might be interesting, but feels like a rehearsal. And then you need somebody like Mike to go away and shape it and make it amazing and come back and execute. Mike Nichols said something, he came from an improvisational background, that there’s this quality to improv where someone says something, they’re not really thinking about their motivation or anything else, they’re just so proud to have thought of something to say. And there’s this kind of, “I just thought of this and now I’m gonna say it,” and he said that ideally all lines should feel that way too. And the biggest thing for me, with really great dialogue, is finding the words spontaneously appear for you, in your body, and they come out in the same—I think that’s what’s exciting. I think that’s what the whole struggle with acting is. In Greenberg, I had very precise things to say, but they weren’t very erudite… Often, she struggled to find the right thing to say. So sort of artificially creating that struggle…

Is that different from going through it— Yeah. Because it has a predetermined meaning, as opposed to inventing the meaning while you’re doing the scene. I haven’t done straight improv like that in a long time. It’s an odd skill. It’s cool, but the well runs dry at some point.

Let’s talk about New York stuff. Where do you live? I live in Chinatown. Off of East Broadway, so real deep. I love it. It feels like After Hours. It shuts down really early and the streets are deserted and it feels crazy.

Where were you before Chinatown? I’ve lived a lot of places. Before Chinatown, I was in Chelsea, before that, I was in East Williamsburg, and before that I lived in Park Slope—we called it “Park Slide,” it was the not quite as nice part of Park Slope, by the water.

I suppose I should ask you about living in Brooklyn, and which bars you went to, and whether it’s completely ruined now—when were you in East Williamsburg? Like two years ago, two or three years ago. Right off of Grand.

By the high school? Yeah, they used to show the Met Opera there, which was convenient. I love Brooklyn, when I leave Chinatown I might go back, the only thing that could be hard about it is if the train’s not running, you’re screwed. Especially in Park Slope, my experience of being there was not having enough money to go anywhere, so it was a lot of getting just really cheap like Georgi vodka, we used to buy Georgi vodka and juice concentrate. It was disgusting. And we wouldn’t even unfreeze the juice concentrate to make juice, we just let it get a little soft, we’d mix it in and maybe add a little water, but it was like fully disgusting. Most of Brooklyn was just marked by being—it was a lot of drinking at home. My friend Gabby made up this phrase, we used to bring Naughty Nalgenes everywhere.

[theatredirectors]

Ashley Hollingshead

Hometown?

Missoula, MT.

Where are you now? 

Chicago, IL.

What's your current project?

I've got two! I'm half of a queer performance collaborative called Current Biography, with another talented artist named Corey Smith. We're working on our second full length (ish) performance piece about queer identity and pop music. I think that it will be performed late winter/early spring 2017 (which in Chicago means anywhere from March to May). 

My other project is an experimental musical about Emma Goldman, called Dance Dance Revolution. I’d been working on it a number of years ago and put it on the back burner to explore other projects, but it’s felt pretty good to be reading about anarchists lately. It’s probably going to be more of a “play with songs” rather than a musical, but we’ll see. I’m currently in the dramaturgy phase. I’m sure that there will be a strong element of devising (as that’s my primary interest/way of making) with this piece, but I think that it will be a lot more scripted than many of my other works. Goldman was an amazing speaker and writer and it seems silly not to use her words. It’s in the super early stages right now, so it’s probably at least a year out. My long time collaborator Nate Harpel is slated to write songs. Why and how did you get into theatre?

As a freshman in high school I signed up for Drama 101 with Margaret Johnson (who had been teaching at my high school forever and had a cult like loyalty). Between that and working on the fall play, I knew that that theatre was it for me. Every time I've taken an extended break or doubted myself, something has reinforced my feeling that this is what i'm supposed to be doing. 

What is your directing dream project? 

As a Director, I'm primarily a devisor. My dream project is one where everyone involved is on board, is down to get weird, down to play, down to do things that might not be successful (and then find the success in those things), ultimately inspiring each other and themselves to make a great show. There's also lots of laughter in the process. 

What kind of theatre excites you? 

New work. Devised work. Work that lives in that weird space between theatre and performance art. Stuff that speaks to what it means to be alive right now. Work that is vulnerable and earnest. 

What do you want to change about theatre today? 

More diversity! Fewer kitchen sinks! Cheaper rehearsal/performance spaces! More press support for tiny productions/companies! 

What is your opinion on getting a directing MFA? 

I think that if you know what you want out of it, and you can afford it, then go for it. I'd love to go to grad school, but the older I get the more I don't think that it's a financial reality for me. 

Who are your theatrical heroes? 

"Heroes" feels like a weird word to me. Here are some folks that I've known or seen works by who've inspired me: Early on, my high school teacher Margaret Johnson and then my college mentor, Mark Kuntz. I've been inspired by the writings of Anne Bogart and by seeing several works by Mary Zimmerman, seeing other pieces by Susan Storman, the Rude Mechs, Nature Theater of Oklahoma, Forced Entertainment. I see a lot of work at (and have worked with) Dfbl8r performance art gallery here in Chicago. I've worked with Hand2Mouth and foolsFURY.  And, of course, all of my long time collaborators: Nate Harpel, Noah Martin, Eva Suter, Corey Smith, Tara Coen, Noah Dunham, Devon Granmo, Noelle Eaton, and Summer Olson. 

Any advice for directors just starting out? 

If you want to do it, figure out how to do it with out waiting for someone to give you permission to make your art. Have rehearsal in your living room, rent weird spaces where the landlords turn a blind eye to the fact that you're gonna paint the whole thing black, perform things in your -- or other people's--backyard/garage/living room.  

Find amazing collaborators. A couple of years out of undergrad, several friends and I moved to Portland, OR and started a company, The Working Theatre Collective. For four years we made exactly what we wanted to (and then it was time for us to pursue other things). It was with the WTC that I devised a piece for the first time. I told them that that's what I wanted to do for my big project that season and they were all incredibly supportive and we put it on in our warehouse space. I found that I loved devising and have been working that way ever since. There's no way that I would have made any of the work that I've made since graduating college if I hadn't been willing to self produce and hadn't had amazing collaborators. 

There are people out there (or your own internal critic) that will try and make you feel bad for not wanting to pursue/make theatre the way that they make theatre. Being on Broadway isn't a goal that everyone has and that's more than ok. 

Plugs!

www.ashleyhollingshead.com 

www.currentbiography.wordpress.com

[mrmichaelchadler]

Home Entertainment Consumer Guide: April 19, 2018

5 NEW TO NETFLIX

"Beyond Skyline" "Eddie Murphy: Delirious" "Lakeview Terrace" "Nowhere Boy" "Porto"

7 NEW TO BLU-RAY/DVD

"The Awful Truth" (Criterion)

I love when the Criterion Collection digs into the comedy archives and unleashes films like those of Preston Sturges or the prime of Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn. And so I was ecstatic to hear they were restoring the truly phenomenal "The Awful Truth," one of the best films of its kind ever made. He made a lot of wonderful films over the course of his notable career, but if you wanted to put one movie into a capsule and shoot it into space for other worlds to know about the star power of Cary Grant, this might be the one. He's so effortlessly charming here, and his work is well analyzed by David Cairns on a special feature. As for other bonus material, this one is a little light when compared to other Criterions, but you get an amazing film and an essay by the singular Molly Haskell. That's reason enough to click on the link below.

Buy it here 

Special Features New 4K digital restoration, with uncompressed monaural soundtrack on the Blu-ray New interview with critic Gary Giddins about director Leo McCarey New video essay by film critic David Cairns on Cary Grant’s performance Illustrated 1978 audio interview with actor Irene Dunne Lux Radio Theatre adaptation of the film from 1939, starring Grant and Claudette Colbert PLUS: An essay by film critic Molly Haskell

"The Commuter"

Seeing this film at Ebertfest on the same day I caught a screening of Andrew Davis' "The Fugitive," I was reminded why I like the Liam Neeson action films, especially those directed by Jaume Collet-Serra (who did this, "Unknown, "Non-Stop," and "Run All Night"). I actually think history will be kind to these movies, especially in the "watch every time they're on cable department". This one is blissfully simple as Neeson plays a man on a commuter train who is offered $100k simply to find someone. When he realizes why he has to find this person, he tries to turn the tables on the people involved and, well, things get crazy. I'm a sucker for streamlined action films and the great majority of this movie takes place on one train. It's effective and fun. Kind of like the story of Richard Kimble.

Buy it here 

Special Features End of the Line Off the Rails

"Knowing"

Alex Proyas' "Knowing" has been a fascinating film for me since it was released for one simple reason: Roger Ebert gave it four stars! It's often pointed to as one of those films that illustrates how much Roger was willing to go out on a limb. We're increasingly in a world of film criticism that often feels like it's built around consensus, in which everyone has to agree that something is fantastic or awful, but Roger never cared about that. Not once. He always went his own way, and he was willing to embrace a movie like this that spoke to him even if the rest of the critical body didn't agree. It's been re-released in a 4K Blu-ray and it's a better film than you remember (even if Roger's perfect rating may not be something I agree with) but it's a reminder that it's important to be in the minority sometimes when it comes to opinions. It's what makes us human.

Buy it here 

Special Features Audio Commentary with Director Alex Proyas Knowing All: The Making of a Futuristic Thriller Featurette Visions of the Apocalypse Featurette 5 Things Worth Knowing About Knowing Featurette (4K Blu-ray Only)

"Mohawk"

Ted Geoghegan is a long-time associate as a publicist and a friend, but I really don't think that colors my opinion of his work as a filmmaker. His startling "We Are Still Here" announced a director who was willing to do things a little differently from the rest of the indie horror scene, and this film really makes his unique voice clear in that it doesn't feel like anything else that came out last year. It's a story of Native American culture that's also a thriller and a story of empowerment, and in an era in which so many genre films look alike, it's so refreshing to see something like "Mohawk" that stands apart from the crowd. You should check it out.

Buy it here 

Special Features -None

"Molly's Game"

This column largely consists of films that I would recommend to buyers or renters, but I often extend it to include things that I realize more people like than I do, which is the case with Aaron Sorkin's directorial debut. I recognize that my opinion of this film is in the minority and that people who like it may want to know it's on Blu-ray and DVD. I will say that I still find it highly overrated, largely because of the issues I have with Sorkin's writing lately, and the deep misogyny embedded in it. Even this story that should be empowering given its protagonist culminates in a scene that fractures the entire narrative purpose of the story. I will say that the performances here are uniformly strong, including Jessica Chastain, Michael Cera, and Bill Camp, but I wish another director could have smoothed out some of Sorkin's rough edges.

Buy it here 

Special Features Building an Empire

"Phantom Thread"

There are no rough edges in P.T. Anderson's latest, a film that I'm increasingly thinking might actually be the best of 2017. Talk about a film that holds up well on repeat viewing. This movie is a masterpiece of tonal balance and production value, anchored by not just one great performance but three. I love everything about "Phantom Thread," and have written about it too many times to add anything new to the conversation, other than to mention that it's a film that has gotten better every time I see it. That's not uncommon for Anderson films. 

Buy it here 

Special Features Camera Tests – With audio commentary by Paul Thomas Anderson For the Hungry Boy – A collection of deleted scenes. Music by Jonny Greenwood House of Woodcock Fashion Show – Fashion Show narrated by Adam Buxton Behind the Scenes Photographs – Photographs from the film by Michael Bauman with demo versions of Jonny Greenwood's score

"The Post"

I am a HUGE fan of Steven Spielberg's historical dramas, going to bat for "Lincoln," "Munich," and "Bridge of Spies" as being among the best works of his career. And so I was remarkably excited for "The Post," but consider second-tier Spielberg, in the good-not-great category of his career. Sure, the film is technically unimpeachable, and it contains the most interesting Meryl Streep performance in years, but it's easy to see how rushed this production was, and I wish everyone involved had taken a little more time to round out the reasons why they were making it and imbue it with a bit more heart and soul. Still, second-tier Spielberg is well-worth seeing.

Buy it here 

Special Features Layout: Katharine Graham, Ben Bradlee & The Washington Post Editorial: The Cast and Characters of The Post The Style Section: Re-Creating an Era Stop the Presses: Filming The Post Arts and Entertainment: Music for The Post

from All Content https://ift.tt/2HMxQ7f

[vileart]

Dramaturgy Abort: Therese Ramstedt @ Edfringe 2017

MISSION ABORT

By Therese Ramstedt

directed by Claire Stone

AS PART OF THE EDINBURGH FESTIVAL FRINGE 2017

Venue:    Gilded Balloon –

Rose Theatre Studio (Venue 76)

Dates:    2nd to 28th August 2017 (not 14th)

Time:     5.45pm (6.45pm)

Box office:  0131 622 6552

Internet:   http://ift.tt/Ox1xIU

PAIN, SHAME, CONFUSION!

OR

EMPOWERING FREEDOM AND A MASSIVE RELIEF?

Therese Ramstedt is proud to make her debut at this year’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe with the world premiere of her latest play Mission Abort – a humorous, honest and heartbreakingly human monologue about a woman’s experience of having an abortion.

Strong opinions on the legislative side of women’s reproductive rights are voiced on a daily basis, yet rarely do we hear the perspective from the women who have had to terminate unwanted pregnancies. Mission Abort confronts our taboos by telling the story of one woman’s journey – from discovering she’s pregnant, to making the decision, following it through and getting on with life afterwards. This explosive tragicomedy brings its audience on a laugh-cry rollercoaster featuring questionable life-modelling skills, the looming voice of Donald Trump and leg-dancing to Kate Bush.

What was the inspiration for this performance?

As with many creative ventures, this play started in personal experiences. Before I myself had an abortion, I had absolutely no clue what the implications would be on me and the impact it would have on me physically and emotionally, or the effect it would have on my relationship (both with my partner at the time and with friends). I came to realise women's (and men's) personal experiences of terminating pregnancies is a part of the discussion on female reproductive rights that is missing. We talk a lot about the legislation side of things, but hardly ever about the human beings behind this decision. And when abortion as a topic is addressed in arts and the media (which is rarely!) it is still very marginal, and often portrayed as something fairly shameful that women either regret or simply - in superhuman fashion - forget about.

So I wanted to create a piece that in an upfront, honest and accessible (which for me often means humorous!) way talked about this experience that one in three women in the UK have gone through at some point in their lives. And a piece where the woman who chooses to terminate a pregnancy is neither a victim nor a robot - but a strong person who makes the right decision for herself, but still allows herself to feel and to take this big decision seriously.

For a woman, the life-changing moment comes when there are two purple lines on a pregnancy test - and contrary to what Hollywood rom-coms would have us believe, there are alternative choices that we have a right to make. And with this work, I wanted to be completely free of judgement either way but just shed some light on a relatively unheard perspective. Because I believe human beings empathise with and find understanding for other humans - so if we don't humanise the choice to have an abortion, and actually talk about the experiences, how can we expect other people to understand that choice? 

Is performance still a good space for the public discussion of ideas? 

I really would like to think so! I think one thing that performance does (or can do) which is unique to other forms of communication is to create an immersive narrative where the audience really can have the opportunity to put themselves in the character's shoes and perhaps understand their path and motivations. This, at least for me, I don't think happens to the same extent in lectures or talks - we might get to understand someone intellectually, but perhaps not laugh and cry with them in the same manner. What I really appreciate about live performance in particular is that there is no escape (cruel, I know!) - once the audience is in the space with you, they can't just hit the pause button if they feel too challenged. Of course, there is always the option to walk out but that is often much more of a statement than people are willing to make...  

How did you become interested in making performance?

I actually can't even remember a time when I haven't been making up stories for performance. It was always something that I knew I wanted to do, but I suppose if we are going way way back (as in, to nursery school!) it was often a way for me to create small worlds that were closer to the kind I wanted to live in. One where little girls could wear pretty dresses AND fight with swords saving villages from evil dragons (I didn't know it at the time, but I basically just wanted to be Daenerys Targaryen). And performance-making for me since has just become a way for me to say my piece, but without lecturing or in any way judging other people - I am generally much more interested in raising questions than I am in providing answers (even if I do take a great deal of pleasure in being right when it comes to quizzes and anything grammatical...)

Is there any particular approach to the making of the show?

A really important thing for me was to incorporate a lot of humour, as I think it is our responsibility when creating work on a "serious" or "difficult" topic to make it as accessible and enjoyable for an audience as possible - to make it a conversation people want to have basically! Also, without laughter there can be no tears and I find it very difficult to connect with any work that doesn't have both sides of the comedy/tragedy coin.

Another thing was to not shy away from my own personal experience, and exploring parts of myself that were at times quite difficult. While the play did very quickly become a separate entity to me and my story, even if the events have ended up being nearly exactly what went on in my own life, having my personal experience behind me made me perhaps more daring in how far I could take it and how much I could address in the piece.

And this, I think, is what has turned into what I now hope is a very overall "human" piece - the woman in the play is me, but she could really have been any woman who'd found herself in the same situation.

Does the show fit with your usual productions?

Exploring big human topics through humour and music is what I did with my Swedish theatre company, Annan Teater, so I think it does follow on quite naturally! Previous work I have made have dealt with topics like depression, suicide and sexism in the workplace - so it's probably in there. However, this is the most personal work I have made, and definitely the work that digs the deepest into one individual human's experience - it is also the first full-length work I am producing and performing in English.

What do you hope that the audience will experience?

I hope that they will perhaps understand a little bit more about something they may not have thought of before, and to feel encouraged to openly talk about the experience of terminating a pregnancy. Or at the very least, maybe empathise with and understand the woman who wants to make this choice for herself.

(Of course, I would love for audiences to also experience a connection with the piece, to laugh and be moved - so far people are responding beautifully to it and hopefully there will be more of the same!) 

What strategies did you consider towards shaping this audience experience? I did debate a bit back and forth about how to best get the audience on the character's side, and one important aspect of this is the audience interaction I have in the piece - throughout it, I (try to) give them the opportunity to support the character and be directly involved in her choices and experiences (cheering for her when she finds out she is pregnant, hold her hand through the procedure etc) But another important element was to not be too "in-yer-face" and to let the audience make up their own mind - this piece doesn't preach or judge, it is simply showing a woman at her most vulnerable but also at her strongest and most empowered. I also want the audience to come out of the show with a positive, empowered feeling in them - so choosing to also share the positive elements of both pregnancy and being able to make the choice to terminate was always really important for me. 

HOW CAN A CHOICE THAT IS SO RIGHT BE SO HARD?

Having previously touched upon the subject of abortion in one of her earliest plays with Swedish theatre company Annan Teater (which she co-founded and ran between 2012-2015), when Therese had to make the decision herself, she discovered that there is a side of the story that nearly always seems to be missing. What is having an abortion actually like for the woman who goes through one? Obviously deeply personal experience that is individual to all women, but with one common factor: not something that we talk about.

Mission Abort crushes the taboo around abortion and explores the ups as well as the downs, offering a truthful and direct account of a topic that is acutely current – and what better year to do it than the 50th anniversary of the UK’s legalisation of abortion?

IF WE CANNOT TALK FREELY ABOUT IT, WHAT DOES “FREE ABORTION” REALLY MEAN?

Therese is a versatile writer, singer and performer who has worked across a myriad of art forms including film, theatre and music - as a performer, producer and PR - with venues including Barbican Centre, Royal Albert Hall and also at the Edinburgh Fringe and in her native Sweden. Humour and song are at the heart of her performance-making, and alongside her own creative work Therese performs extensively as a singer with ensemble London Contemporary Voices. With LCV, Therese has collaborated with artists including Laura Mvula, Nitin Sawhney and Imogen Heap, and features on the soundtrack to Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.

Mission Abort is developed with the support of Soho Theatre, where Therese has been a Young Artist on the Comedy- and Writers’ Lab schemes since 2015, and is directed by Claire Stone from feminist duo Feral Foxy Ladies (I Got Dressed in Front of my Nephew Today and Balancing Acts). 

from the vileblog http://ift.tt/2xlG2EQ