#love how my top posts are always whatever im hyperfixating on lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

zennialemo · 2 years

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I posted 2,065 times in 2022

That's 976 more posts than 2021!

45 posts created (2%)

2,020 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@killerandhealerqueen

@w00dchips

@evil-moonlight

@scallioncreamcheesebagel

@desultory-suggestions

I tagged 868 of my posts in 2022

#lmao - 41 posts

#beyond evil - 36 posts

#queer - 16 posts

#under the skin - 15 posts

#kpop - 14 posts

#aromantic - 12 posts

#asexual - 12 posts

#bts - 12 posts

#bad buddy - 10 posts

#spotify - 9 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#but this is interesting to me because ive been seeing lots of heavy black and white discourse on concrit lately...

My Top Posts in 2022:

I opened up a soulmate AU that I started in April for Under the Skin. It was in the same folder as the one I recently posted. Its been two days of reading it and rereading it and wishing it had an end. And now I want to finish it. But it's like insanely large in terms of plot. It's a Soulmate AU with political corruption and murder and secrets. Shits not fluffy... well not for the most part. And im overwhelmed by the scale of it. It needs dedication and time and maybe even an overhaul...

But I love it 🥲. So let's see if I can finish it. If not, whatever (she says, not feeling 'whatever' about it at all). Maybe I can break it up into a series if it's really too much...

10 notes - Posted December 4, 2022

My whole therapized life has been a back and forth of "do they don't they" over whether or not I have BPD or bipolar II.

And I have always been like "nah I don't get manic". Mind you I wasn't thinking hypomanic, I was thinking my aunt when she goes off her meds and thinks she can fly and that people are following her. So I was like "never, never" about mania. But I wasn't considering the times when I write 10,000 words in 24 hours with no sleep and then hyperfixate on plot for the next 5 days, or when I do 1 million tasks in 4 days on 4 hours of sleep and almost no food. I thought those were just good times. That's not to mention the spending. Dear lord the spending. But I never felt... like I could fly. I just felt like I was hot shit. So. I always was like yeah not me *shrug*.

All this said, I definitely *do* fit the criteria of "high functioning" or "quiet" BPD, too. My mood in one day is the picture of instability. I have no sense of self. I fear abandonment, etc. I don't look stereotypical BPD because I internalize everything. I rarely snap or take my feelings out on people, when I split I take it out on myself. Etc. So. "Quiet" BPD fits.

But so does Bipolar II with rapid cycling. I just dropped so bad for 2 weeks I ended up in the ER and then swung up so high I spent more than I should have on clothes and gifts and cards for others, slept very little, and packed an insane amount for my upcoming move despite my disability screaming at me with pain and exhaustion to slow down. I am now starting a mood stabilizer and my mental health team is thinking maybe a dual diagnosis of BPD and Bipolar II. I laughed because all these years of back and forth from my healthcare providers for the current team to look at one another and say "how about both?"

How about both, indeed.

The (constant, but now extra pressing) problem is I have ME, or more colloquially CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), and hypomanic energy and lack of sleep for 4.5 days = super awful hellish PEM. Think of PEM like crashing into a ditch where you can barely leave bed, maybe like me you're in pain and light sensitive and it feels like you've got Mono all over again... anyway. Its really awful. Terrible. Im so drained I can barely talk. Thank the moon and stars I don't have therapy today.

But yall, I'm suffering. PEM so bad my legs are trembling. Time to lay in bed for the next three days and try to rest up... 🥲

11 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

Rewatching Bad Buddy with my sister, who's seeing it for the first time. I'm in my feels y'all. This show was everything. Wholesome and full of feelings and real communication in the face of adversity. My queer heart is full 🥺.

15 notes - Posted September 10, 2022

16 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I just watched the first episode of Koisenu Futari, and I’m crying. I’m asexual, and I think I might be somewhere on the aromantic scale too and I had no idea until I watched this and things just.. clicked. I went through and am still living through an extremely painful and difficult breakup where “everything was right” on paper, but I just couldn’t meet him where he was at. And the sentence always ended there but the truth of the matter is, I just couldn’t meet him where he was at...romantically. I never could. It killed me. Kills me. There are other things too, other things about me I’ve been noticing recently and this revelation is like breathing air for the first time in months - maybe there’s nothing wrong with me. This show made me feel so seen. Seen in ways I didn’t even know I needed to be. And even if it hadn’t made me realize I’m probably arospec, I think it still would have touched me just as much as an ace person, but also just on a humanity level it’s beautiful. I call myself a writer but right now the words kind of escape me. I just feel so validated and seen, and it hurts and it’s wonderful all at the same time.

17 notes - Posted February 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Spotify

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cronagorgon · 7 years

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Identity asks...oh shit. Do all 30!!!

damn damn ok

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?damn lemme think….. i mean i guess just reading keter scp pages would be a start.. there’s a few i LOVE though like 093 and 2264.. then just, LOTS of mcelroy content and scary game squad videos (on jesse cox’s youtube channel)

2. have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?have i ever found a what…. no… not really

3. list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with.http://drakenlong.tumblr.com/shipsi identify at least a little bit with anyone from the “partners” list really, but i especially identify with crona gorgon from soul eater + lapis lazuli from steven universe

4. do you like your name? is there another name you think would fit you better?yeah i mean.. no i guess i don’t like my ““real”““ name but the name i have now, drake, i picked because it fits me (though i wouldn’t mind being called any variation of “dragon” in any language. its all the same)

5. do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? do you identify yourself by the things you do?oh doing for sure. i don’t feel real like.. even a little bit. just a meat machine accidentally affecting others’ lives

6. are you religious/spiritual?i guess. i don’t worship any…..thing, but i believe in a natural energy that flows within everything, that’s higher than us + even this one dimension

7. do you care about your ethnicity?i’m white, so no, not really. if i knew where i came from though, (which i suspect may have been in or near italy) yeah i’d be more into it

8. what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?ehhhh not a lot? imogen heap is one just by her song “hide and seek” (i know nothing of the actual artist). i don’t know what it means really or if it has a concrete meaning but it’s been a favorite of mine for years. more recently though i heard “self” by ANIMA! and it too is relatable, though i can’t really speak for their other music

9. are you an artist?i like to think so. i draw stuff sometimes so thats like, a start. is it good though, or meaningful? i can’t really say

10. do you have a creed?i don’t really know what a creed is so i googled it, and going by the definition that it’s a set of steadfast beliefs then… hell no

11. describe your ideal day.going somewhere new to eat, miraculously liking the food (therefore discovering something new i like), going shopping in antique + gem/new age stores & finding something unique, old, haunted, or just the sort of thing i never knew i wanted, then coming home & making a favorite meal that turns out perfect, then eating it while watching a video or new episode i’ve been wanting to see

12. dog person or cat person?dogs.. cats are really cute but i’m allergic ):

13. inside or outdoors?inside but there are times and places outdoors that i adore, like quiet gardens in early morning.. just a little warm, with the sound of a bubbling stream

14. are you a musician?absolutely not. i can play instruments and i guess i can make shit up but i never really found any real interest in making music

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.(trying + failing to even come up with 5 books ive read in my whole life) haha yeah totally. anyway books ive loved: here there be dragons (james a. owen); the last dragon (silvana de mari); half world (hiromi goto); moribito, guardian of the spirit (nahoko uehashi); how to train your dragon (cressida cowell); the dragonet prophecy (tui t. sutherland); deltora quest series..es (jennifer rowe); and guardians of ga’hoole series (kathryn lasky). i know thats more than 5 but these are pretty much the only books ive ever read other than some school assigned stuff.. some short stories by ray bradbury (all very good).. i remember reading the guardians of ga'hoole, deltora quest, + how to train your dragon serieses? series? when i was really young + i loved every book. they were fantastic. could not tell you if they were any good today but u know what? thats ok. im keepin the nostalgia as it is. the other books i read more recently.. half world + moribito were VERY good bc they were.. unique. stories i didn’t often see in my school library. i remember feeling incredibly sad having to return moribito specifically, and i remember it went on the bottom shelf of the library, and that it was not a month after id graduated that the school flooded with about a foot of water and i thought that it must’ve ruined it ):

16. if you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?absolutely. i grew up one of the most deadly environments for someone like me and yet here i am. perhaps id be more successful, id be flourishing, id be doing the things ive always wanted to do, but i think i’d still be the way i am now personality-wise

17. would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”?uhhhh random shit that dont make sense? maybe so

18. what’s your patronus?i think there’s like a test for this but i’m not gonna take it. if i had to pick an animal as my patronus i figure it’d be a dragon. i’ve always been really close to dragons and more recently discovered that i’m dragon kin, so i don’t see why not

19. which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle?i don’t know. sometimes i think i’d be in ravenclaw, but other times i figure i might fit better in slytherin or maybe ….. none? they’re all a little bit relatable but none are really “me” you know

20. would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?literally anywhere other than here would be fantastic and of course my hyperfixation is always fluctuating and i could just name what i’m into right now but honestly? it’d be great to live in beach city. nobody has to pay for anything or do anything particularly difficult, everyone’s friends, nobody gets mad when you come out as gay. its good stuff all around

21. do you love easily?yes and no? i get attached to stuff easily but i feel like i can just as easily get over anything at the drop of a hat. there are only a few things that really make me tear up and many of them are things i never personally interacted with.. and one is a toy i used to have?

22. list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order.uhh fuckin sleeping, eating?, sitting, watchin videos, fuckin drawing, typing. thats 6? whatever

23. how often would you want to see your family every year?never. 0 times. fuckin absolutely not

24. have you ever felt like you had a “mind-meld” with someone?a what. no. i’ve never connected with another human person in my entire life

25. could you live as a hermit?Hell Yeah babey

26. how would you describe your gender/sexuality?its unbelievable how badly i wanted to just post a meme or like, a picture of my favorite character + thats it but also that would break my theme of text only and no pictures so i guess i gotta describe it for real. i’m agender but masc presenting (whether that’s to distance myself from being a girl as quickly as possible or just because of trauma + fear of being a cis girl, i’ll never know) + my sexuality is complicated but im polyamorous and at least grey-asexual + panromantic with a strong preference for boys (with this combination i sometimes refer to myself as mlm)

27. do you feel like your outside appearance is a fair representation of the “real you”?yeah i think so. id like to be taller but beggars cant be choosers ig. i’m a good mixture of “kinda ok, pretty sharp, weird but in a way i cant describe (its because my face is VERY asymmetrical but you cant tell unless you edit a picture of me lmao)” so thats like, a good aesthetic i guess

28. on a scale from 1 to 10, how hard is it for someone to get under your skin?uhhh about a 1. maybe a 0.5. but i don’t usually express this, because then i’d be picking fights withhhh everybody. does that technically put it at a 10 then? who knows

29. three songs that you connect with right now.i guess i already said this but right NOW…. self, the bleeding of mercy, and down down? or maybe grace kelly (down down is very feminine even if it is a Mood)

30. pick one of your favorite quotes.well i have a few but the first one that popped into my head was: “All Alone!Whether you like it or not,Alone will be somethingyou’ll be quite a lot.” -Dr. Seuss, Oh the Places You’ll Go

#x #replies #anonymous #about me

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