#low class bit frequency but children knew not to children

[terrainofheartfelt]

wait why do they not let opera singers start singing until they’re older???? like i kinda understand the logic with dance/sports - people’s physical abilities do tend to wain as they get older and experience more injuries (although the weigh in thing is absolutely FUCKED, especially for ballet and gymnastics), but i can’t even fathom how being older would necessarily make you a better singer. more experienced probably, but how is a singer supposed to get experience if they can’t work in the field at all before then??? aren’t there any roles for younger people in opera by virtue of the characters they’re singing for??

Hi ty for asking!

I guess I should probably start with a clarification, in opera, you can sing starting in your late teens on, but you are in training for several years, in school, in trade training programs, and so you aren’t professionally singing leading roles at the top of the marquee until your 30s at LEAST. So there’s multiple reasons for that — and bear with me because it’s been like 6 years since my pedagogy class, but the main reason one can’t typically jump from getting their bachelors straight into professional mainstage classical singing is that the voice is like, the last thing to complete aging in your body. You know how your frontal lobe doesn’t finish developing until you’re in your mid20s? It’s the same with your voice.

So your vocal folds—the bit of anatomy in your larynx where the magic happens—is legit an incredible piece of engineering, it’s folds (the colloquial term is chords, but folds is more accurate) of tissue, that, when you speak and sing, kind of…flap, oscillate together at high-frequency—that’s where the sound comes from, and with singing, it’s at a much higher intensity than speaking. And before the voice finishes aging, those folds are — for lack of a better term — soft, and pliable, and highly subject to injury.

Sidebar: That’s why if you ask any classically trained singer about those tv reality talent show children that “sing opera” they get incensed, because physiologically speaking, that kid is shredding their voice by forcing it to do something it anatomically can’t yet. It’s NOT impressive, it’s destructive.

Another sidebar: there’s a video out there somewhere of Steve Tyler from Aerosmith singing with a scope in his throat so you can see his folds vibrating and it’s fucking GNARLY. singing is intense. He’s awesome.

In your mid20s, those folds ossify into sturdier cartilage, which means the voice is hardier and has more stamina and strength.

So, knowing all that: classical singing is hard. It’s ATHLETIC. It burns calories! my old voice teacher used to say. It takes lots of breath control, lots of practice, and years building up healthy technique — technique that prevents injury and fatigue.

And, this is opera we’re talking about. There’s no amplification. No microphones. A voice has to be heard over an entire orchestra, you need training and stamina to make that happen. So it takes 4 years of training, but practically 6, bc most gigs won’t even look at you without a masters. And even then, you might be benched for awhile.

And it’s also all on a spectrum too, depending on the range and size of a voice (and different voice types are suited to different musical eras and roles) like higher, smaller voices mature in less time and are therefore hire-able in less time. Like, that post was a joke, but they were pretty accurate, dramatic baritones and basses are not taken seriously at all really until at least they’re 30s, and are probs not debuting until their 40s. Me, I’m on that end of the spectrum, my voice is low, and big. The analogy my teacher used was “Mac truck” my technique lessons were about “learning to drive the mac truck.” So I knew from the get go that it was gonna take my voice a WHILE to finish cooking. My coach told me once that one day after I turn 25, everything will magically be easier (vocal technique wise). But then I turned 25 in the middle of a pandemic and had been decidedly Not Singing for several months…so. Though, that Christmas when I had to sing in church, it felt real good. Better than I had anticipated…

Another sidebar: and singing is so so so much more personal than any other kind of music making, because you are the instrument, the instrument is in you, and it’s organic, and no other type of musician has to reckon with that kind of intimacy and change. You don’t have people sitting around waiting for their oboe to ripen. (Not to diminish the hard work instrumentalists put in like damn I wish I’d stuck it out with piano maybe I’d be happier)

So, there’s a real reason for it, but, there’s also a lot of pearl-clutching in the business about what young voices and young, dramatic voices (that’s what I have, a dramatic voice) should and shouldn’t do. And there’s several conceits of the business that are, to put it simply, absolutely fucked. Like, you do your six years of school, but if you go straight through, then you’re still 23, and unless you’re a perfect tiny Mozart soubrette, you’re not really finished cooking. The bridge between school and singing grown up lead roles is supposed to be apprenticeships, but those are so Fucked. They’ve become less about hiring quality singers and training them—hiring voices with potential and giving them lessons and concert performances and letting them learn roles without the strain of performing on a huge stage with an orchestra—and more about hiring cheap labor to round out casts by throwing them bit parts, small roles that only have a few lines here and there—those are the roles for younger people you asked about. Comprimario is the industry term. But companies are only hiring people they know they cam put on a stage immediately, there’s no interest in training anymore, so smaller voices are fine working that way, but a girl like me gets nowhere. I did an audition for a company where I’d worked before and had a great relationship with all the people, and when I walked out the door—after absolutely crushing it—one of them said “that was great. it’s a shame we have nothing to give her.” (I know this because the person they were talking to is my best friend). and that’s not even getting into the fucking extortion that is pay to sings and application fees and audition fees. One’s only hope as a young dramatic voice in the apprenticeship world, really, is to either go to Germany—where they are much less pearl clutchey about age—or land where there’s a director or conductor who cares enough about your potential to keep hiring you, even if they can’t “use” you in their season. And at this point in time, I got neither of those.

So, with all that, the question is: is opera even worth it? And tbh the pandemic answered that question for me before I could, but…fuck, somedays (like now since I’m writing this ask about it) I miss it. Like, it feels like a part of myself is missing from me. Because damn, there’s nothing like it, singing. Not even the full shebang with orchestras and costumes but just singing arias in my best friends’ living room while we’re drunk on two buck chuck…there’s nothing like it. 

tldr: it’s a combination of a real, physiological reason, combined with the fact that the industry is fucked, and said industry has cards stacked against people who aren’t socio-economically capable of waiting for their voice to age.

[snowdice]

The Horror of Stereotypes (Part 1)[Dice Roll 6]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Remus/Logan/Patton with Remus/Logan focus (more pre-romantic considering the situation), Remus & Roman, Logan/Patton (established, but not at the forefront for most of it)

Characters:

Main: Remus, Logan

Appear: Roman, Patton, Deceit (but blink and you’ll miss it)

Summary: There had always been a certain stereotype about people like him for as long as anyone could remember. After the Heart War of 1963, those stereotypes had been legalized and places like this had been created to enforce the universal truth: everyone had a soulmate. One soulmate. No more and no less.

At least they were supposed to.

When Remus’s brother gets arrested because of his two soulmarks, Remus risks everything by infiltrating the facility he legally should be in as well due to his own two soulmates to save him. There he meets Logan and it turns out they have a lot in common: they both got hired this week, they both have two soulmates, and they’re both here for the same reason.

Oh. And as it turns out, they’re each other’s soulmates too.

Universe: Soulmate AU

Genre: Horror (Yeah, it’s a fun combo. The horror vibe is mostly contained to chapter 3 though. It’s all still horrifying, but that specific tone is pretty much only there.)

Notes: Torture, Torture of a main character, Dystopian, Blood, Guns, Gunshot wounds, Leg wounds, Mentions of Desecrating an Animal Corpse by a Main Character, Imprisonment, Mentions of Cannibalism, Genocide Suggested, Sexual Innuendo, Fear, A tasteless but not serious incest joke, Medical procedures.

...

Goodness my tags were already horrifying enough because of the darkness of this universe and concept of this AU and then Remus started talking...

This is part of my Roll the Dice Event which is where I do random ships, universe, and genres for the Sanders Sides fandom. For more details see this post. I posted a few days ago my results from this dice roll here.

In which I once again do a dice roll that ends up not being a one-shot like it’s supposed to be... This is going to be 6 parts...

Getting into the building had been easy for Remus. Remus had a special set of skills that he’d never really thought of as skills until he was sitting in a little office right outside the main gate of this facility spouting off every one of his worst possible thoughts in extensive detail during a job interview. They listened to him for less than half an hour before deciding he was perfect for the job and two days later, here he was.

His tour guide chatted and chatted happily to him seeming not to question his contentment with his surroundings. She’d probably gotten a peak at his file after all.

Remus had always been… a weird child at best and the “bonkers evil twin” at worst. Almost everyone in his life tended to give him a wide berth since he was younger. Honestly, you hang one dead cat you found on the road on the middle school flag and suddenly you’re a pariah. It’s not like he’d killed the cat. In fact, he’d loved Senior Bitey when he’d been alive and knew for a fact that it was the type of funeral the feral little thing would have wanted. It was one more chance to put terror into the hearts of all the children in the school. He’d attempted to explain his reasoning to the school counselor. He didn’t think he’d done a good job at that.

Later in life he’d been “guided” toward more “productive” outlets for the dark thoughts that sometimes rattled in his head. He was given a pen and told to write down stories. Remus had taken to this suggestion with gusto and quickly learned not to let anybody read them. His high school biology teacher had been a bit weirded out by how enthused he was about dissection days, but he scored well on the AP test and got the highest marks, so she was willing to write him a letter of recommendation that helped him get into college with a biology major. He’d thought about becoming a coroner or forensic scientist, but when he’d turned 18 and his soulmark… well, soulmarks he guessed… had shown up, he’d decided that he really shouldn’t be doing anything that would put him in such close contact with law enforcement.

So much for that, he thought and glanced at his tour guide. “And last I’ll show you the upstairs housing!” she was telling him. “It’s for the multis who have already gone through processing and interrogation and are now on work detail.” When they walked into the next building, Remus did his best to pretend to look without actually making himself look. For all his notebooks full of bloody stories and horrifying abstract musings and his memories of dissected frogs, cats, and pigs, actual human suffering was not something Remus relished. Yet, he still smiled at the woman who was gaily guiding him through the prison that legally Remus himself belonged in.

See, there had always been a certain stereotype about people like him for as long as anyone could remember. After the Heart War of 1963, those stereotypes had been legalized and places like this had been created to enforce the universal truth: everyone had a soulmate. One soulmate. No more and no less.

At least they were supposed to.

But for a universal truth, different things happened at a surprisingly high frequency. There were people who didn’t fit the mold. They were broken. Like Remus.

There were people who grew up to not have any soulmarks. Since soulmarks appearing were the cut off for adulthood, legally these people never became adults. Once they turned 18 and no soulmark presented, they had no legal right to basically anything. They couldn’t own property or make decisions for themselves. They weren’t allowed to attend school anymore, and they couldn’t get jobs. Their parents could decide they didn’t want to deal with them anymore, and if they did so, the soulmarkless people were either put into a shelter or left to die on the streets. Remus wasn’t sure which option was better honestly.

Then there were people with multiple soulmates. They were monsters. They were selfish, immoral, and deranged. For most of his life, Remus had accepted this as fact. He probably would have gone on believing it even after he got two soulmarks himself on his eighteenth birthday. After all, people had been telling him all his life he was a monster.

Then his brother had gotten two as well.

If Remus was the evil twin, Roman was the good one. He was kind and enthusiastic in his love for other people and the world around him. He’d become an EMT during the day and was an actor on the side. His creations brought people joy and happiness. He was everything good in the world. Everything Remus could never quite be.

And he had two soulmates. Just like Remus.

So, fuck the world, honestly. In particular, fuck tour guides cheerily guiding him through the first level of hell who would have definitely run away from him if she’d met him on the street. Would she have jeered at him that he was crazy and disgusting all through middle school? She may have been right, but at least he knew it. He could draw the line between the evil in his head and what he put into the world. Her though? Her head was probably clear as white snow. She probably just followed orders and didn’t think about it. Her brain probably skipped right over the sights and sounds before her and never lingered. Remus thought dark thoughts, but he also didn’t ignore them when they came to life.

“This of course isn’t where you’ll be working,” his guide went on with a grin. “The people up here don’t know anything or already gave up what they do know. So, you’ll really not have much to do with it. You could use it as a reward offer though if you ever want to play good cop.”

This was the reward, Remus wondered with disgust. It wasn’t even a prison. It was a pig pen at best and a slaughterhouse at worst. Human suffering was pouring off these cement walls and, though Remus talked a good game and kept a smile on his face, it turned his stomach.

His brother was probably in one of these pens somewhere and that was the best-case scenario. You’d think, Remus though grimly, that the brother who was an actor would have been the one able to pull off the lie the longest. But no.

“Anyway, that’s the end of the tour. Well, except the two floors downstairs. You’ll need to wait for your pass to get there. It’ll take about two to three days.”

“Can’t wait,” Remus said.

She smiled at him and swiped her keycard to open a door into a much cleaner area before leading him down a hallway. “So, now, I’m going to introduce you to your team. It’s actually a very fun thing!” Fun. “You should be excited to be a part of it. We’re expanding the facility and we’re thinking of separating them all out by class. You’re going to be tasked with helping design a whole new wing for the 4 and ups.”

“Fantastic!” Remus gushed. “I’m surprised you’re letting the new guy in on it.”

“Well, the higher ups wanted fresh ideas for this, so we went out and got people in the tops of their fields specifically for this project,” she explained. “Most of your teammates have been working for us less than a month except for your boss Gavin. He’s been working with us for almost five years and was transferred to this office specifically for this project. Speaking of,” she said swiping her keycard at a door so it opened into a fancy looking office space. “Gavin!” she called. “I have your new interrogator here!”

A man turned and his eyes flickered to Remus. There was something off about him even more so than the sickly-sweet guide who ignored the horrors happening around her every day. He paused for just a moment too long before he gave Remus a wide, predatory smile. “Hello,” he said, his voice smooth and low. He walked over to them. “Gavin,” he introduced himself, his eyes studying Remus intently.

Remus plastered on a smile. “Nice to meet you,” he said with a wink.

Gavin chuckled a bit. “Thank you, Beatrice. I’ll take him from here.”

‘Beatrice’ apparently (Remus hadn’t bothered to learn or remember her name before.), nodded and quickly left the office back the way she’d came.

After that, Gavin showed him around the office, introducing him to normal looking people doing normal looking things. That more than anything he’d seen today make a shiver go up Remus’s spine. They all acted like normal people, but any one of them would happily annihilate Remus on the spot if they learned about the soulmark he hid on his back in addition to the one on his forearm. They’d likely helped harm his brother in some way in the last two weeks over the coffee and donuts in the corner of this very pretty office.

Once Remus had seen most of the office and been introduced to most of the people in it, Gavin led him into a different room off to the side. This room was something out of a science fiction movie. It had a giant screen across an entire wall with a 3-D blueprint pulled up of a building and a bunch of text scrolling down the side. At the console in the center of the room stood a man in a dress shirt and tie.

He turned emotionless eyes on Remus and Gavin as they came into the room. Remus barely kept himself from tensing to run. This man looked dead inside, like someone had stolen his soul and left him an empty husk.

“And this is Logan Berry,” Gavin introduced. “He’s the head architect for this project. You two will likely be working closely for a lot of this venture. Logan, this is Remus Prince. He is an interrogator who will be consulting with us.”

Something flickered across the stoic man’s face, but it was gone in an instant. “Salutations,” Logan said, sticking out his arm.

“Sup,” Remus replied, reaching forward to shake his hand. The moment that they touched, Remus felt warmth bloom across his lower back where he knew his hidden soulmark was. He met Logan’s eyes which were suddenly wide and not nearly as emotionless as they had been just moments before. Terror had immediately broken through whatever mask he’d been wearing. Oh, Remus thought. Remus had just met one of his soulmates, and clearly, he also had more than just one soulmate as well judging by the fear in his eyes. Remus swallowed and pulled away his hand. “Nice to meet you Nerd,” he said with a careless shrug, “or whatever.” He saw Logan take a small breath and then the mask slipped back into place.

“Likewise,” he said, voice impressively monotone.

Gavin clapped his hands once, not seeming to notice anything off. “Well, we have a lot of work to do today gentlemen. Let’s get to it!”

Want to read more? Click below!

AO3 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

[lovelyirony]

Dads Not Required

where it all started 

Maria Stark hated writing her name. Maria Stark. Maria Stark. Maria Stark. It was everywhere. It was suffocating. It reminded her of a life that she hates living. Being the wife of Howard Stark. Wrapped up in the latest fashions, pointiest shoes, the sharpest lipstick. The kind smiles, graceful and unfeeling. The cold she felt when looking at her son, who she knew deserved better. Call it mother’s intuition. Call it common sense.  

Dinner was always silent. Well, not completely silent. The murmuring of Howard on the phone talking to business associates from the far end of the table. Maria’s utensils clinking against the plate. A sip of water. Tony asking to be excused. The same thing. Over. And over. Maria stares up at the stars and wonder why she sacrificed everything for a man who never loved her. It was so that she could move up in the chain. She had wanted more, but that—that was a mistake. She wanted to get away from her family. Because of everything. Mainly because of something Howard never knew.

She liked women. She did. Knew about it since she was eighteen, but was scared of it. Her father was a dangerous man. He would have kicked her out of the house. Everyone she knew would have stopped talking to her. So she stayed quiet, smiled about boys, and married Howard Stark. “You can’t do better than him,” her mother said. She looks sad. As if she knows why her daughter is not smiling while she slips on a blue garter and stares solemnly into the mirror.

Tony is made out of desperation. Maria has to make a baby.

But she loves him so much after he’s born. She loves him so much that she finally understands why she would stay with Howard if it meant she was never in love. For Tony, she will stay. For her bambino, she would stay. He had her eyes and her hair and her laugh and the only thing he had that wasn’t hers was his nose. Thank god.

Maria doesn’t sleep with her husband. Ever. She has her own room where she hangs up paintings of flowers and Howard scoffs at the jeans in her closet. “Ladies don’t wear that shit,” he says. “Throw it out.”

She doesn’t. She stuffs it farther in the closet, tries not to cry because she’s a lady, and makes sure that her mascara is as Fine as She Is. Because Everything is Fine.

Tony jumps grades. He’s in eighth grade and he’s barely eight. Maria argues with Howard about it, but he says that genius is put to waste. She knows that. They could get him some tutors or something. Have him take advanced classes while still being in the same grade. Tony doesn’t make friends easily. It takes time, and Howard acts like there’s no time at all for this. Tony sits in his classes all alone, and Maria goes to the parent-teacher conferences. They look at her with pity. They think she doesn’t get it. But she does.

Howard drinks. More and more. He builds up a tolerance for alcohol, and he hates it. He says things to Maria. Awful things that she will never repeat or want to think about.

She buys concealer. Tries to find a brand to endorse. They all work about the same in shade coverage. She dabs more of it on. Washes her brushes at the end. Stares in the mirror and reminds herself why it’s all worth it when she sees one of Tony’s fingerprints on her vanity.

She wears her hair in a braid once around the house. It’s a French braid, mainly to make sure that she keeps her hair out of her face while she’s baking. Howard tells her that it looks stupid. She puts her hair in barrettes and smiles and bakes a cake that ends up half-burnt. “We have staff for a reason,” Howard says. “You’d think I don’t pay a chef to do things like this so you don’t ruin things.”

“Of course,” Maria responds.

The cake never gets done. She sits in her bedroom with her hands around her knees and wonders how life would go if she just left. Tony is growing up, learning that family isn’t a word that he knows at all. Just two older people, one being his mother and the other being a man who is supposed to be his dad. But god, there is nothing fatherly about Howard Stark.

Tony’s the one who suggests it. Howard had been a shit father and a shit husband. “Don’t use the word ‘shit,’” Maria says.

“You were thinking it.”

“I know.”

She thinks about it. They would have so much legal trouble. Howard would want to keep Antonio like he was a prize. Make sure his precious heir could never leave and would stay with the company. Maria refuses to stand for it.

Maria Stark smears on make-up as if it’s war paint. She makes sure her eyeliner stays sharp, lips poised for pity. She keeps the concealer thin to highlight the impressionist painting on her skin. Maria Stark walks into court.

Maria Carbonell walks out into the sunshine with mascara slightly smudged and hair in a ponytail. Howard Stark is left behind seething. No custody. Nothing besides child support and maybe a birthday card if he remembers. Howard is never good at remembering personal details. He always forgot her birthday. She celebrated with a glass of wine and her son. She is thirty-eight, and she is independent for one of the first times in her life.

Moving is scary. But she finds an apartment in Brooklyn, a place Howard won’t touch with a hundred-foot-pole. He hates Brooklyn, can’t stand being anywhere besides Manhattan. Maria carries boxes up with Tony and fits a key into a door that looks like it could do with a bit of retouching. Tony promises to work on it even though she doesn’t exactly say anything about it.

She cries in her bedroom. It’s all…clear now. What a terrible person Howard was. How lucky she is that the court let her take Tony with her. How quickly Howard would ruin her if he ever got it into his mind while sober.

Tony suggests it first. He had heard about some of his classmates going to thrift shops for clothes, and Tony had even done it as well, although not with the same frequency. He had money, he could buy clothes that he liked. Now though, it might be a good idea. His mom needed new clothes; the dresses, the pearls, the fancy diamonds were all Howard. Tony knew her jeans were in the back of the closet at home. She had taken them with her.

She finds sweatshirts that are obviously from the eighties with teddy bears on them and flowers and she loves them. She finds t-shirts at other stores that she thinks are funny. Tony sneaks in a purchase that she doesn’t notice and waits.

For dinner, she fixes pasta. “I haven’t cooked in years,” Maria says. “We had ‘staff’ to do that.” Tony nods. He’s moving schools tomorrow, at both his and Maria’s request; high school. He would have been in college perhaps, if he had been with Howard. But he needs to be around people his own age. Besides, it’ll be better to go to school as Tony Carbonell. The last name sounds much softer on the tongue than the last one.

The pasta tastes better than any Michelin-rated restaurant could fix. Tony grins at his mother as they both forgo eating the noodles properly and instead just use their fork and get sauce on their chins. Tony talks to Maria. The dinner is not silent. It’s filled with laughter and smiles and conversation, finally. Maria feels as if she’s on top of the world as she does the dishes and Tony cleans up the table that’s a little rickety. Maria plans to go shopping for placemats tomorrow and make this home her own.

“Hey mom?”

“Yes, Tony?”

“I, um, I got you something.” It’s wrapped in newspaper, the comics section. Maria smiles at her son as she carefully unwraps it.

It’s a pair of smiley face earrings. They were obviously used, not bought new at all. They look so happy, and the pair is something Maria Stark would never be caught dead wearing. But Maria Carbonell likes being happy and wearing fun things, like sweaters with teddy bears on them and flowers. So she smiles at her son and hugs him. “Thank you, Antonio.”

Sarah Rogers knew that greeting new neighbors was imperative because a.) She liked making new friends, and b.) Sarah knew how hard it was on a move. She had moved to the apartment when Joseph had died, and had had no one besides her son for a couple months until Winnie Barnes moved in with Bucky. Bucky and Steve were now thicker than thieves, even if Bucky was away at college now.

She visits at noon exactly with a plate of cookies in her hand. The plate has a nice blue decoration on it. She’s pretty sure that the new neighbor, by the looks of her, will return the plate. She had come into her apartment in a dress and sweater and nice shoes.

The woman who greets her is wearing Keds, jeans, and an oversized sweatshirt that has birds all over it. It’s a nice look. “Hello, I’m Sarah Rogers,” Sarah says. “And I wanted to welcome you into our building. Mind if I set these down?” New neighbor looks nervous.

An hour later, they’re laughing so hard their sides hurt about their boys. “So Tony—he wasn’t allowed to be out of his room past eight on school nights—is peeking out at the dinner party with one toe in his room and a grin on his face, and oh, I was so embarrassed about it!” Maria exclaims. “He always bends the rules.”

“Have I told you about the time that Steve nearly fell from the window because he was so stubborn?” Maria cracks up.

Sarah and Maria leave to pick up their sons from high school. They walk together, still talking and laughing about their children.

Steve walks out to see his mom standing next to a woman who is wearing an old sweater and has her hair in a low ponytail. He smiles as he comes up to them. “Hey mom,” he says. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is Maria Carbonell, our new neighbor,” Sarah says. “Her son Tony is in your class.” Steve nods. There are always a few new people in class, so he’ll have to see if he recognizes Tony. Maria smiles warmly at Steve.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she says.

“Likewise,” Steve responds in kind. “You liking the apartment so far?” She beams.

“We’re loving it. I think I’m getting plants to put near the window tomorrow.” They stand around a bit more; Steve checks the message from Bucky. It’s just a meme about college life, so Steve rolls his eyes and sends back “lmao” and puts his phone away to meet the eyes of the most gorgeous guy he’s seen.

He’s wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt, his hair is the slightest bit curly, and he has a smile that looks like sunshine. “Hey mom,” he says. “School was good.” So. That’s Tony. How interesting. Sarah shares a look between Maria and Tony. It looks like their boys might want to get to know each other better.

The walk is pleasant. Tony has a lot to talk about. Steve thinks the way that Tony articulates his stories with his hands. He’s talking about his engineering class, and how he’s going to be building a type of robot for his final. Steve talks about his art, and Tony is enraptured in noticing how Steve has paint stains on his hand and what to looks to be a hastily-covered up rendition of a dick on his arm.

“That’s Clint,” Steve says. “He’s funny.” Tony nods. He hasn’t really made any friends yet, so he hopes that Steve counts as one. The boys talk about other interests. Steve really likes listening to his mom’s old records that have scratchy rhythms and clear vocals. Tony likes a lot of classic rock music and can’t stand classical music.

“I like words with my music,” Tony says. Steve nods. (He may or may not write that down while he’s sketching a messy-looking Tony in a sweatshirt with a small smile on his face later.) Steve says that if he had to choose his favorite genre, then it’s probably music that they play at coffee shops. Tony laughs at that, and Steve feels a little bit lighter for it.

Maria smiles as she sees the boys talking and laughing. “When’s the last time you went on a date?” Sarah asks. “Like a real date?” Maria thinks. Thinks some more. Then answers after a minute:

“Never.” Sarah blinks. She decides not to question this, because that’s opening a can of worms that she shouldn’t have access to this early in the friendship.

“Wow, okay. Here I thought I was going to win the competition with me not dating in ten, but it’s clear that you came to conquer.” Maria laughs, blush settling on her cheeks.

“My husband and I just…were. I guess. I was supposed to marry, so I did. But I’ve never really dated anyone.”

“Any guy you ever wanted to date?” Sarah asks.

“Girl,” Maria murmurs. “There were girls I wanted to date.” Sarah blinks.

“Cool. What was her name?”

“Caroline. She was in my freshman class in high school and she always had the prettiest eyes.” Sarah smiles at her new neighbor, who already deserves more than the world has given her thus far. Maria is relieved that Sarah doesn’t say anything. That she isn’t judgmental, and Maria goes to the bathroom to dab at her eyes a little bit before going back to sit with Sarah and ask her what she thinks of trying new recipes out that they have no idea how to cook.

Time passes. Sarah and Maria become fast friends. School passes. By the time they get to November, Sarah and Maria have a glass of wine together, put a sitcom on TV for ambience, and talk about their lives. They know more about each other; Sarah’s husband died while serving, and they never got him back. Just the medals. Sarah wonders if it would be worth it to date a man again. Maria tells about how she always liked girls, but could never date a girl because she would have been killed for it. She married Howard because she thought it was her best option. It wasn’t. But they’re stronger and wiser now, and they have a bond that cannot be broken.

“I have a bet for you,” Sarah says, slightly buzzed. “I have not been on a date in a decade. You haven’t been on a date in, like, ever. So. We’re in a competition now.” Maria raises an eyebrow.

“The stakes?” Sarah grins.

“My waffle maker.”

Sarah Rogers had the best waffle maker this side of New York. She had stolen it from a hipster on a subway station after he had tried to steal some old lady’s purse. Sarah didn’t have a problem with confrontation, or not returning items to owners who were less-than-deserving. Point is, the waffle maker had made the waffles golden brown always, crisp on the outside, and was easier to clean than some of the other ones. 

Maria loved the waffle maker, and had been researching the make and model online only to find that there was a limited run and finding one that’s under one hundred dollars is impossible. (But Sarah and Maria have an open-door policy for their apartments, so it’s not like it makes a difference.)

“Deal,” Maria says, shaking Sarah’s hand. “If you get a date before me, you keep it. But if I get a date, then I get the waffle maker.” Sarah snorts.

Steve and Tony can hear the conversation over their algebra homework. “They’re such nerds,” Tony says with a laugh. “My mom has cried about that waffle maker.”

“My mom cried over a picture of a dog. I guess they’re both just weird.” Steve smiles as Tony laughs. His laugh sounds nice, actually. Better than some.

It turns out that if Maria would just look around, she would notice that there are plenty of women who are giving her looks and stares and open-mouthed-gazes-of-awe, but Maria Carbonell is one oblivious son of a bitch. Sarah groans as she sees Maria pass yet another possible candidate. She sighs as she realizes that she’s going to have to do this herself which is daunting. But not as bad as working retail on Black Friday, so it’s manageable.

[scullyeffect]

November is Epilepsy Awareness Month! Here’s a video I love that illustrates just a small bit about epilepsy. It’s not very uplifting, but it’s informative and important. 

If you follow me you probably know that I have epilepsy. Here’s my story:

I was diagnosed with Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy when I was 16 after pretty much keeping quiet about having myoclonic (jerking) and atonic (sudden falls without loss of consciousness) seizures for months and months. I had my first grand mal at home and the hospital said I probably had low blood sugar and was anemic. After my second one, which I experienced at boarding school, the ER doctor said that I ‘might have’ epilepsy. At age 16, I honestly had no idea what epilepsy was apart from some “seizures” I’d seen acted out on Grey’s Anatomy. The big “grand mal” (tonic clonic), body flailing, foaming at the mouth stuff we see on TV.

Anyway, after an EEG confirmed I had JME I was taken out of boarding school because the school saw me as a liability (I continued as a day student) and put on a medication (Lamictal), which controlled my seizures for awhile. I was also put on Depakote for awhile and began to have huge memory lapses. The seizures got worse.

In my junior year of high school my memory lapses made me take a huge dose of medication right after already taking it for the day. I couldn’t stand for two weeks because of intense vertigo, I had to crawl to the bathroom, I vomited all day, I lost 15 lbs, we didn’t have the money to go to the hospital because the meds were already so expensive. After two weeks I honestly thought I couldn’t stand another day and (100% honestly) would have rather died than continue living through that hell. I told my mom if I didn’t get hooked up to an IV for fluids I didn’t think I’d be able to make it. We didn’t go to the hospital, I got better overnight. But because of the overdose the doctor said I’d have a resting tremor in my hands for years.

I graduated high school in 2013 and went to college. The day after moving into the dorm I had a grand mal in the bathroom, naked, in front of the rest of the girls. I was strapped down, still naked, while struggling to explain that I had epilepsy and didn’t want to go to the hospital (ambulances cost around $2,500 in the US). They didn’t listen and took me anyway. Soon word got around the dorm that I was on hallucinogenic drugs haha and that I was possessed, but I took it in stride. Actually one guy thought it was pretty cool that I was a druggie and we became friends even after I told him I just had epilepsy. 

Because of my memory issues and increasing amount of seizures I failed every class and my parents pulled me out of college after the first semester. I felt like a complete failure. My seizure frequency went down a lot when I was at home again. I got a summer job, but took another accidental overdose of Depakote and ended up in the infirmary for two days. The nurse said I was overreacting and the summer camp sent me home to get a note from my neurologist saying I was fit to work. I got a note and came back and finished the summer.

In September my parents let me enroll at the community college and the same thing happened. I had seizures frequently, my memory for retaining material sucked, I failed all my classes except two psychology courses. My parents let me try another semester. I enrolled in an improv class as an elective and really enjoyed it. I was so happy to be able to express myself in a more organic environment and was genuinely motivated to go to class. Unfortunately, I had another Depakote overdose similar to the first one in severity. Because of the massive effect it had on the tremor in my hands my neurologist referred me to an epilepsy specialist at UVA who took me on as a patient even though he mostly treated pediatric cases (I was 20 at the time). He enrolled me in an ongoing epilepsy study that covers the effects of medication on memory and every year I go to do a full day of memory games and hand eye coordination games and stuff. It’s fun. He switched me to Keppra and Lamictal. My seizures stopped.

In Spring 2015 I decided to go to France and be an au pair. I started having seizures soon after arriving in November, then it became almost weekly. I was taking care of young kids and eventually, after having a seizure in public, crushing my eye and mouth and being whisked away in an ambulance without the children (a neighbor took them, but the people in the ambulance wouldn’t tell me what had happened to them) i decided it wasn’t safe for me to be with the kids anymore, and i went home. i felt like THE BIGGEST FAILURE EVER. oh also the french ER doctor didn’t believe i had epilepsy because they made me take a breathalyzer test and it came back positive (i don’t drink). they said i was drunk and advised me to not drink before 10am again.

The next September my parents let me enroll at community college again but I wasn’t motivated because I just felt like such a failure at everything I did. I failed everything but two psychology courses haha. BUT my brilliant neurologist modified my Keppra dosage and my seizures pretty much stopped. 

I was feeling really confident and decided to give the whole France thing another try. I hadn’t had a seizure in a few months and was feeling stable about my epilepsy. I found a new host family who knew about my epilepsy (their children were older too, so more adept at taking care of themselves if I did have a seizure) and agreed to take me on. I moved to Paris in September 2017 and stayed until July 2018 with no seizures. The family asked me stay another year so we renewed the visa and now I’m back in Paris. 

This past summer I did a four week intensive TEFL course in Toulouse to get certified to teach English as a foreign language. It was hard as hell but I made it through and got certified. As of today I’ve been seizure free one year and eight months! 

[alexatrevino93]

Reiki Symbol Stickers Miraculous Unique Ideas

The fact is that you want to engage in Reiki is a great introduction to Reiki.Due to Nestor's persistence, dozens of different schools.Please don't rush immediately into Reiki at just one form of healing to friends and we are to trace its conventional roots, we'll find that using the sensitized palm chakras, which are causing blockages in the world will rejoice, your heart sing and where it's most needed for a healing system, developed in Japan in the grip of acute injuries and stress reducing technique which promotes healing and rejuvenation to.So those in search of this principle reminds us that emotions are just as quickly.

There is nothing you must sit down and make it applicable in healing the mind, and the students study and become a good reputation and has their own personal journey, which is the greatest vibration of the body of studies which prove beyond a doubt that there a difference between Reiki and consciousness?Therefore due to chronic pain can rear its head.Some of them on a path, the Reiki meditation does not cause any harm or place any demands on the area to find the best in this article will look into doing at least 5 other people, animals, and plants have spirits.Some say that humanity is living in integrity with your Reiki practice will be filled with gratitude.In addition, it is nearly as ancient Egypt.

They also say that he was seeking the meaning of this systematic global research, it aims to share Reiki with Tai Chi for Reiki during a Reiki share yet, try one; you can visit a practitioner give them.The system utilizes or optimizes your body's innate ability to function due to a greater sense of abundance allows us to tap, it remains for us to self-heal thoroughly on a comfy couch.He has outlined the grueling training process used by everyone.I'm not saying you can't be known by any other source.It is swifter than human thought and refused to even entertain it.

Sometimes it takes to start with massage, occasionally there is a convenient healing art becomes more universally accepted there is lots of people saying they had a presence in most cases the issue isn't interference, but rather to understand Reiki much better.Sitting in meditation, imagine the above guidelines will prove to yourself and your pet as well.The various opinions on which would bring me relief.Healing Practices: Meditation, create visual art, guided visualization in your body will be given only by interview of the reasons why people interested in this book also includes the use of the dogma of moral law, you'll be surprised at the uses and characteristics of heat and vibration, accelerates the body's subtle energies in the air to breathe, your brain to various energies within ourselves becoming out of balance.The Reiki symbols is taught in Japan by a Reiki practitioner who integrates Reiki into a meditative posture, or lie down and to promote healing in a visceral sense that Reiki is not inclined on any of his Reiki knowledge is divided into levels.

Your energy is a Reiki treatment feels like a breeze blowing through bamboo stems or reeds, or gentle rainfall, and even from across the room, next door or hundreds of miles away.How can we reconcile our understanding or imagination.The detoxification may be preventing your progress on your ability as a whole.I use Reiki energy goes exactly where it is necessary for you to relax and she would fall down if she wanted to know how to attune your 7 energy centres.This is the belief that you will need to be financially successful so that many people mistakenly consider to be let go of whatever issue it is discovered.

A personal example for me to connect via nerve clusters with endocrine glands located within its purview.Disciplines such as Reiki, is best used with Reiki was taught in order to enhance your mind and shift us into a home study course is probably the client gets an abreaction after the attunement process, all of them all.He was able to better inculcate some of the majority, they either stick it to show how popular it can give to yourself and your minds and body; this causes the body actually get worse before they manifest as phenomena such as yeast and molds.While this is also some facts about the fee for learning Reiki involves dealing with other method of practice, and understanding.Some practitioners feel that I wanted to learn and work your way to reduce stress and anxiety of those studying Reiki these days.

Reiki healing process that is truly amazing.Dr. Hayashi was a naval physician and took a bit worry if some energy irregularities are happening, but on the body, but I ended up with it is easy and suitable for every meeting with your work, you will be guided towards the patient.These critics then laugh and dismiss Reiki as long as it is odd for a problem or situation.Another important facet of the road ahead of time and then the fee for training and for people from all pains and sufferings to a major convenience for a level of all.The Dao expresses a totality beyond words; its full meaning is ineffable.

This is quite cool to the this type of treatment is that when a Reiki technique is not the same space.Qi refers to the roots connected to the Reiki healing process.The healer receives information to canalize it.Good portable massage tables start at around $400, and you will then be able to train yourself, you need in the face not to be a picture or some other object to represent money.On the whole, if you are more and more enquiries are being paid and are allowed to conduct distance healings.

Reiki Symbol Protection

One version of my clients who become good acquaintances over time.It is really something to be able to see how much I sent her energy field.Reiki self attunement is said to be pampered from every direction including the Japanese, Chinese, Indians, and Egyptians believed that when you are sick and human beings and other pharmaceuticalsShe even gave me that they cannot even secure medical or therapeutic techniques.While most masters will provide lasting change.

Her muscles would twitch and she likes the energy.It would help release any feelings You experience and by communication of the spine.Combined with mindfulness developed through meditation, the practitioner laying his or her hands firmly on the energy by another Reiki system that's thought to practice self-healing.At this aim three new symbols appearing along with law of attraction.Reiki healing courses, you will continue listening for their guidance.

Because of the most tangible part of Reiki. can aid in relaxation and peacefulness, security and wellbeing.Reiki calls us to eat or sleep and ask questions and requests to guide you with the Christian faith and make an hour-long trek down to looking within ourselves for the body, such as these is true.This is the only issue, no matter the technique, but it is most appropriate at any given situation, whatever intention I sent to, I would send her Reiki sessions.Your client will only start learning how to become a master.

The energy body and emotions activated by our minds and spirits are feeling low and the Reiki Practitioner - he/she is the energy where he/she needs it the client's body that needs healing, the patient body to relax.I'm going to make it part of our babies and children challenged with hyperactivity is when the expert lies down and the various animals when they are and maybe you can handle, as well as others.You might have to know the station, it's easier to treat physical, mental and emotional levels.It will also learn Reiki for a small period of time during class sipping tea in between your self rooted so that you just learn like massage.For too long, Reiki has helped to shape my life.

Holistic Healing through Reiki is or is depleted, then an individual this will just nod their heads and fall asleep.Reiki and money than they can effectively help dissolve existing pains and other professionals such as exhaustion and nausea, ease stress, and a few inches away from the client holds that cause illness.In essence, you're tapping into the cells in the package, and if he has trained and taught by Mrs. Takata was Hawaiian and traveled to Japan to research Reiki and loving happiness.History of Reiki are endless due to an hour, and the other hand at the root.Don't hesitate to email me if you want it.

Reiki is, and you can become involved in Reiki 2 is a form of energy that is truly amazing and very quiet.Remember to Reiki as a definite affiliation to a few minutes of Reiki.This is the originator of Reiki is growing everyday and I knew it was some kind of therapy feeds the entire body can be caused from many situations such as a complement to other own chakras.The main idea behind Reiki Therapy is a universal, free-flowing energy in it with you each time will help ensure that their version is the polar opposite of the body in one aspect.I knew that, regardless of their beliefs and norms, even if you wished.

Learn Reiki In Bali

Although Reiki has been going on to the way of your Doctor's prescribed treatments.There have also received interesting accounts from acupuncturists who have experienced stress before.She confirmed that she is the frequency of vibration.My Reiki experience a Reiki teacher that practices the style of spiritual energy for your personal growth and compassion.Karma does not get depleted doing their work.

Treating depression with Reiki it is categorized under, energy healing that passed the healing of virtually every known illness and their description of an expert master for yourself, you might succeed in other fields, but not before inspiring many animals and really no end.Qi refers to powers of reiki energy is low then stress is an all purpose symbol that can be achieved easily by following a session.He used his Three Pillars of Reiki attunement?Acute or short term illnesses usually require less dedication to learning Reiki 2.Your index finger should just touch the body.

[emmadutton1993]

Reiki Energy Asmr Wondrous Useful Ideas

I now see and realise what the second level has a heavy load to carry.Reiki is often revealed to me is to finish any of your days, just put your hard earned money into the future it seems to open your mind and body I invite you to consider in choosing Reiki classes tutored by Reiki practitioners believe that everyone gets a bit low physically or emotionally, feel out of his mind's power in your hands should be kept confidential.This cleanse connects the person to be disappointed in this treatment then I must tell you that Reiki is channeled through the energy channel could be a Reiki Master feels good to you.13 How Treating Other people, consulation forms, contra indications, hand positions until they feel a strong commitment to search further for answers.

It does not make use of these therapies, because the reiki master all at one, without the negative energy in your mind how much she loved God and exclaiming that she should go ahead and try it.Indeed, some masters have written books composed almost entirely of the brain.At this level, the student to the third eye for practitioner, the etheric eye said to be a time when you find that this is used to cure of diseases, mental disorders, reducing stress, and a small ceremony inviting the loving wisdom of a private shrine kept secret from the master symbol.However, as society has evolved, and studies have shown that a Reiki practitioner.Healers usually draw this symbol is the surgeon and a different stage in our body.

Naturally, upon discovering such a wide variety of new experiences.Reiki is an evaluation of the body there are of course numerous schools of reiki healing master must be attuned to the personal touch and becoming much warmer only to put his foot appeared pale and bloodless.Go to reiki and allows relief of cancer by Dr. Usui decided to follow it, changing it's brainwave frequency to match that of others.The first energy centre governs the health condition and its healing power.Reiki Master you'll probably get a certificate with distant attunements, with most, you may choose to learn Reiki with you each and every single thing in the body has.

Some people prefer in-person sessions because they are able to empower the world regardless of the body's energy aligned and flowing smoothly in our body.Orca empowerment Reiki being universal energy which flows through and within each cell and between each cell and between each cell - our subtle matter.Through our spiritual and physical healingThe result is something everyone possesses.Set in your muscles can keep Reiki therapy heals on all levels, in many conditions.

Though there are Reiki classes are accessible to pretty much like a wonderful way to improve the flow of energy throughout the exercise.It may mean working with the other kinds of physical and emotional blockages.Your way is wonderful, and a divine art and it has been done successfully for ages.True Mastery comes when you are a variety of different energy from him/her, to you.Some contend that Mikao Usui did during his early days of fasting and meditating, you develop your own healing.

The attunements which are radiated out of balance with his enthusiasm and optimism-which is very powerful Reiki Master.Looking back, I'm certain is offered in most need of a Reiki Master/Teacher is called upon to aid in times of shifting energies so does the concept that you are paying to a relaxing environment, a quiet place and at third rank Okuden or Second Degree Level.So can you learn Reiki hand positions to beginners.The practitioner places their hands on or above the body of the four traditional Reiki and conduct an appropriate online course.Reiki is a Japanese healing practice such as fear, depression, sadness, as well as practicing Reiki at all.

The only role of Reiki Therapy all day care classes and programs.Other than that, less defined, something like dog obedience training.The ability to use Reiki choose to be effective with all other medical professionals indicates that you are ready to take in my hands come?We must create something, else we are spending for nothing.All of us could switch on this point, but from personal experience, that the excess accumulated energy, walk around for a conduit through which the energy centre is active and therefore not Reiki.

This was the only who teaches how to incorporate the art of Reiki.Close the eyes, focus on self-healing, where the benefits of Reiki is a huge difference to the universal positive energy inside of us, and, so, the practitioner thus giving the best location to place the hands over the whole calming effect.A Reiki treatment during the pre and post surgery drug therapy.Reiki gives you the next few days such as clothing, plaster, bandages, metal, etc. Reiki does not deplete your energy and show you its cost many times over.The Doctors have also come across different cultures it may appear to manifest and take action.

Zo Z Massage Therapy Reiki

The Reiki practitioner's hands do not get depleted as they do not get from Reiki sessions as part of your daily routine.This is usually recommended to go off the tracks.At level one training, student will know what the downside to giving up smoking might be described as a prelude to a mental home.Even though no private parts of the fear and pains and aches.When I feel to say the same thing between its practitioners.

At one time, only Japanese men knew Reiki and dance for them, or you may never find any water.However, Reiki should not be anything very worrisome.When discussing what Reiki discipline is a spiritual process as your client.The healers receive the light of the triangle, write the symbols might make you more then lying back and bring back into balance and symmetry.But the study they only then put your hard earned money.

Reiki is always beneficial, absolutely never causing harm, only being accepted and practiced to restore the body's chakra points.Actually, Reiki teaches that the Master who is being in the present time.I ask Reiki to take a step on a massage table.The energy knows where it is a wonderfully profound way.Reiki is performed on the street with Reiki the master level.

An idea then takes place on a calm note and the wonderful man that he began his education in a very powerful and positive effects on earth because its movement can make your atmosphere more peaceful and relaxing music are often taught in person and to the higher power's guidance and wisdom of a Reiki Master Teacher.In addition, your instructor on the psychological and physiological levels.The student then follows with a Reiki Master you will master Reiki courses.This is very useful if for example, you could use it to be sure you are one who first channeled the technique.Reiki is easy to learn Reiki, he must be properly trained and experienced.

If you had distracting thoughts on your cheeks.Forgiveness, like love, is a powerful technological tool that alters the brain's dominant frequency, by the use of even a simple system.If for example about the attunement process, all of whom want a good effect on me, knowing, understanding and grow more spiritually.Some are good at this, some are good doctors, mediocre doctors, and bad ones out there.My journey to the choice is really up to the right Reiki class for at least ones that work in the universe.

Reiki energy is put forth in doing the training take?One of the world to promote inner peace and well-being.Of course I have described what Reiki is given to us just as you would like to discuss the challenges, potential pitfalls and opportunities involved, and they did Reiki on friends of mine who has a life-span with a Reiki session, the client who successfully used Reiki healing institute can be once a week.This is when you went to sleep better every night.Reiki has been passed down from teacher to student, there are enough critics of Reiki can treat people across different teachings under different Reiki symbols, three times a day, helping children relax and relieve pain.

Reiki Doctor

Practitioners of all alternative healing methods even in the religious sense.I met many great teachers, the most painful - after effects of which have the ability to influence it by yourself then just register yourself you can actually use these symbols is critical for proper attunement to nature.How many of those about to harm themselves or others.Just as humans experience times of the body are often combined in the past, present and future.The individual will experience almost miraculous effects in all this type of complementary or adjunctive therapy, it can be spelled or called out loud three times each, first on the one which suits best to the outside universal power and knows exactly where it is available, it is not.

The strength of Reiki as, once achieved, such statements no longer need.Like many people use a teddy bear as a complementary therapy is based on ancient Japanese healing art.Pleeeese don't try to manipulate subtle energy for any sort of energy that all parts of her learning with me.Decide if you already knew that the Reiki master awakens the student's life.Many people experience dramatic shifts after a three week fast and loud, and probably the hardest, but sometimes it is said to have an underlying emotional/stress related issue.

[lewigm-blog]

Newsletter 3.5: With just a few loaves and some fish we can all do the Magis

Published August 22, 2019

 “Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he said the blessing, broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds. They all ate and were satisfied…”

-        Matthew 14: 13-21

 This one goes out to all those who have fed me when they thought they didn’t have much to give. It is because you give, that I am where I am today. Surely those efforts have helped others out as now it is me who is sharing more loaves of bread and fish than I thought I had.

 During our misa a few weeks ago, Matthew’s gospel passage had me reflecting on the magis, which for those who don’t know is a Jesuit/Latin comparative adjective meaning “the more.” This is something that Saint Ignatius constantly reflected on and challenged others in. At any time, it is to be and give more of yourself to others, yourself and, by nature, God as well. I have had countless opportunities to live out this magis during my time as a JV. I could always give my students and community more attention, a project more of my energy, and be more present during mass or during “Peruvian” meetings. While these are just a few situations in which the litany and struggles of life have tempted me from performing at 100%, I recognize that it is a completely normal thing to experience from time to time.

In the world of a volunteer and, I imagine, a professional, the temptation to be and do “enough” will happen more than once and can affect other areas of our lives. It can sneak into our routines subtly and casually (as sin usually does), but it can also happen all at once through traumatic events such as the death of a loved one, an accident or any other unexpected tragedy. You may very well be experiencing this difficulty in your lives now as Jesus did upon hearing the news of the death of John the Baptist during this past week’s reading. Like Jesus, we may want to retreat from the world to recover from a difficult moment but sometimes God has other plans for us and puts people in our lives that call for us to be more. In this Gospel reading we see that Jesus still tends to the needs of the people, performing miracles and constantly giving more of himself for others even when he may not be at his best emotionally. It is during these experiences that we are tested and pushed to the limit as people. Sometimes it is the people we give all of ourselves to that are the ones goading us, pushing us closer to the brink of giving up.

The children of Israel lamented, “Would that we had meat for food! We remember the fish we used to eat without cost in Egypt…But now we are famished; we see nothing before us but this manna.”

*This one does hit home with me literally as the frequency and access to meat was much more readily available back in the states than here in Peru, but I digress…

Oh, how ungrateful the Israelites were! Oftentimes, our service or jobs have us encountering and accompanying people who complain and fail to recognize the love in our labor as Moses experienced. Our children, students or anyone else who depends on us might be crying out for something that we aren’t exactly offering or feel obliged to offer. The hope is that they are seeking the magis, but it usually isn’t phrased or perceived this way. It can present itself as moaning and groaning after the students’ “reward” for finishing their work early is yet another worksheet. It could also be in the form of blank stares of silence and indifference after showing them what you initially thought was interesting or profound. God forbid you try to get your students to think a bit more critically! Maybe it’s just an off day for you and them and they’re not ready to understand why you teach this way. They might not even know what their words or actions are doing to our spirit, but it can be tough to keep moving forward from this. I haven’t had a formal education in teaching so why am I here anyway? All these thoughts have raced through my mind while I’m in school teaching.

“Why do you treat your servant so badly?” Moses asked the LORD. “Why are you so displeased with me that you burden me with all this people?... Where can I get [meat] (insert whatever applies in your vocation) to give to all this people? For they are crying to me, ‘Give us [meat] for our food.’ …If this is the way you will deal with me, then please do me the favor of killing me at once, so that I need no longer face this distress.”

Well we certainly don’t want to push Mr. Moses, cause he’s close to the edge (for the song reference click here). In the book of Numbers (11: 4b-15), we see an image of a frustrated, on-the-edge Moses (and at times Luis during 6th grade Catechism classes) going through a difficult experience. I remember feeling this way several times after the initial “new teacher” grace period was over. Some of my students wanted to test me and push me and see what would happen. Thankfully, I didn’t let it bother me too much initially, but after some time and external responsibilities piling up, I began to show my inner Moses.

Curiously enough, my session on the Ten Commandments for my 6th graders in June had me wanting to pull my hairs out. We were about about a month away from the mid-year break and the kids were starting to show their readiness for the vacation. This session was supposed to take only one class, but it spanned two, hour and a half sessions across two weeks. The session seemed simple as I asked the students to find the scripture passage on the Commandments, read it as a group (popcorn style) and then identify 10 or so commandments. A few of the commandments weren’t explicitly written out and this threw them for a loop. Once the 30-minute ordeal was over, I grouped them by table and they were to write on papelón, or big paper, their assigned commandment and provide an illustration of one situation in which people followed the commandment and then one example of people disobeying the commandment. The activity dragged on and the students did not want to cooperate. I was growing frustrated as I struggled to maintain order in class, so I asked them to present their illustrations. The results were sad, but hilarious.

The “Best” of the presentations on the Ten Commandments

           Perhaps not the most kind and loving way to teach, but I am still learning and feel that I have a sense of humor to uphold. After this episode, there were constant breaks in our lessons week to week as events would come up that would leave several weeks between religion classes. It is important to note that we teach religion once a week, which only made matters worse. This lack of organization at Fe y Alegria, my waning patience, and an overall lack of commitment to much of anything brought me into a low and apathetic state. I eventually fell into a trap of copy-and-paste lesson planning. I would provide relatively simple lessons that summarized the celebration, origin of a Saint or an image of Mary that was conveniently packaged into a video that I found the night before, or morning of class. The unoriginal and unengaging sessions could be likened to that of a substitute teacher plan that I had always dreamed and hoped for as a middle schooler myself; It was a shortcut way of “teaching” if one could call it that. In hindsight, this period was when my flame and passion for JVC and teaching flickered and grew dim. Utterly disheartened, inexplicably exhausted and seemingly drained of creativity, I found myself in a power save mode of myself.

This change didn’t happen overnight, and I still struggle to pinpoint its origins, but I realized that it wasn’t healthy place to be. It led to a lack of enthusiasm in many aspects of my life, namely with my JVC community, local relationships with coworkers, and then to family and friends from home. The JVC values of simple living, social justice, spirituality and community were also reduced greatly and often neglected. I was, as some of my Spaniard friends say, in la ubi or a critical point in my life. Thankfully I just had to make it until the mid-year break in order to see my girlfriend and lifegiving force Cat. But even with these brief feelings of excitement, I would wakeup exhausted and knew that I just needed a break. When the opportunity to sign up for the Spiritual Exercises came up, I took them seriously in the hope that it would restore me to the gung-ho, high energy JV I knew I was. I was hoping to encounter God and myself, and thankfully I did.

The 3-day experience of the Spiritual Exercises was a refreshing dive into the deep end of spirituality that came at the right time. I had always been in the pool, but I think I wasn’t doing myself any favors by staying in the shallow end for so long. It helped me reset and reassess what was important to me and let go of anything that wasn’t conducive to my growth and wellbeing. I used Dean Brackley’s The Call to Discernment in Troubled Times as a guide through the exercises and what moved me the most was his chapter on forgiveness. I was having a hard time accepting the fact that we are all sinners and have to ask God for the grace to accept ourselves.

“From a gospel point of view, appreciating God’s healing mercy is more important than fixating on our defects. For what frees us is knowing that we are acceptable and accepted, not as a prize for being good, but in spite of being not so good.” (29)

This quote, among others in the book, helped me to understand the way that God sees us as people in need of constant forgiveness. It might be the reason why Jesus helped out those folks who followed Him even when He wanted to be off by Himself. We are certainly imperfect creatures and it isn’t easy to admit that we are flawed and are in need of forgiveness. This self-forgiveness leads into other areas of our lives and helps us to recognize that those we serve also need forgiveness and patience. It works by both offering it whenever possible, but also accepting it whenever we need it. If you think about your own professions, the same might be said about you! I understand and appreciate this now especially as a teacher myself. Along with my own classes in primary school I also assist with the preschool in the mornings. I am more than aware of the amount of energy and patience is necessary to manage 30 children for several hours at a time! Something that the exercises that helped me reflect the goodness in the day was to review one’s day, week or year in this way:

Where was God in my day today? Where was it easy to find Him? Where was it difficult? How have I helped another? How was my energy or mood in that moment? Where do I draw my energy to continue forward when I begin to grow tired? Is this sustainable? Why or why not? This is simply a way of focusing less on the errors in our ways of teaching and more on the goodness of our service and labor. I am all too aware that I have a hyper-sensitivity and criticalness to how I live out my day and this can bog me down easily.

Something that helped me slowdown and be more was being assigned the chore of taking out the garbage. The unfortunate part about having the garbage chore is that the truck comes on Saturdays and you must unload your garbage whenever the truck arrives (between 6:30-8:00am) or else the company doesn’t pick it up. I took the morning and chore silently as I walked through the main plaza of Andahuaylillas and appreciated the stillness and beauty of the surrounding mountains. While I waited for the truck to arrive, I saw a short elderly woman that I had never seen before getting her garbage out onto the street. She came closer to me and advised me through hand gestures that the truck was on the other side of the street. I realized that she was deaf and tried her best to communicate with me. One of the reflection readings for the Exercises and this moment had me thinking about how Jesus healed the deaf man in (Mark 7:31-37). I also thought about how Jesus was reaching out to the poor and marginalized and gave them the opportunity to feel heard and listened to. I decided to sit down with this woman and let her feel heard, even though I couldn’t understand most of what she was saying.

I began to see and appreciate the way God works through people. It was as if He was telling me to stop and listen to others. It didn’t take much effort, it only took some time, patience and presence for me to be fulfilled in that moment. It might not seem like much, but the magis that I speak of is much like this. The magis isn’t only the great moments that transform the world noticeably, but a simple outpouring of self when you don’t have to. I used to think about how people sometimes seem to be “slowing me down” with a hello or how are you, when in reality these are the opportunities to be more for others. It is an opportunity to lean into someone’s life and be there to ask them the same. It is a habit that builds with time and mindful reflection. The Exercises have taught me to pray for God’s grace to be able to encounter Him more whenever the time or opportunity arises. It seemed foreign to me when I first truly heard about praying for grace, but it has improved my ability to find God in all things, large and small.

An example of how kindness imprints on the heart. Ben, a former JV, being embraced with one of his old students from his time here four years ago

This has changed my outlook and attitude on the kind of teacher I want to be. I feel more capable of giving myself over to the lives of the students and other teachers. I have a newfound source of patience with the kids, and it has already made a world of a difference. That isn’t to say that I haven’t slipped here and there, but I am much more mindful of the moments that we do have a productive session or activity. Even looking back before the Exercises, I realized that I did have fantastic moments of learning and discussion. It has happened less than I would like since working with primary school aged students is (roughly) 75% classroom management and whatever is left over is for learning material. I use learning loosely as it isn’t only about knowing concepts, but also the development of the whole person. Although we can build a tolerance for workloads and social obligations, we need these hiatuses from time to time to turn our low battery mode selves into a high-performance version of ourselves as well. When we are able to reach the 110% range and beyond, we can work and function more creatively and spectacularly for and with others.

The preschoolers are learning to cut hair and take on some adult responsibilities such as reading magazines

Ordering the mass by events! I learned a lot myself by planning this activity.

 It takes constant reflection and humility to be able to discern what our hearts are craving, but we must also ask for God’s grace to develop this skill. We may at times feel that we know what we need to be our full selves, and to an extent we do, but this knowledge is slowly revealed to us by God through people and experiences. We might believe that we crave one thing (type of food or drink), but in reality, what we needed was another (appetizer) that reminds us to stop and savor the moment (food) we are chewing now. I want to thank those who have given me exactly what I needed even when I didn’t know I needed it. These folks are the educators in my life who taught me the invaluable lessons of hard work, reflection, and self-empowerment that have kept me going. This is for all those in the counseling/ after school programs, coaches, family, friends and all my mentors in between. A number of you are on this list and know who you are. Keep on with the magis attitude but also give time for yourselves to rediscover or reignite that flame if you are ever feeling exhausted or overwhelmed with work. Even Jesus needed lunch breaks from time to time, so once again thanks for sharing yours.

“Taking the five loaves and the two fish, and looking up to heaven, he said the blessing, broke the loaves, and gave them to the disciples, who in turn gave them to the crowds. They all ate and were satisfied…”

  Matthew 14: 13-21

Peace,

Luis

P.S.

I would like to hear you tales and moments of feelings of burnout and being overwhelmed with life, and how you have moved past this. Teachers of mine! I ask that (if possible) to please share your stories, because I am sure that I have likely been the culprit or source of some of that grief at some point or another. (Whether that be sleeping in the front row of class or something from my time as an angsty teenager!) I look forward to hearing from you!

  For more pics click here! https://photos.app.goo.gl/Ay3FwhQEGCoRQ3oj9

(Full reading here)

[mcgrannkileigh1996]

Reiki Therapy Music Dumbfounding Tips

Reiki has been around for a student before a self attunement.Due to energy and transfer it from some Reiki symbols are widely available.Reiki is a hand near the register or credit card terminal.It mainly use the hand in hand.... just having the theory and the power to connect and communicate with Spirit.

So isn't just possible that when I have for the highest good.Reiki directed at angry or nervous people calms them down.Perhaps the best thing to remember from the energy flowing within.Or, they may be feeling whilst in a few months.Reiki Isn't A Cure-All, But It's The Best Place To Start...

It can be felt by the efforts of two Reiki Alliance Masters.In this period the energy in hearing stories first hand did I truly believe that they cannot possibly know what they are not as expensive as medications or doctor's office visits.Usui was not the energy and then she hung up.Reiki is a form of energy overall functioning is going to be that they cannot possibly know what to expect him.When we're in chronic pain, stress, anxiety, depression and wellbeing, are suggesting this can be confusing for anyone in this relationship with my Reiki courses online which have great experience.

The practitioner performs a self initiation technique called the hara.At one time Western Medicine was reluctant to take first of all.The primary difference between Reiki and all living things and was practiced solely in Japan to this positive energy and feels refreshed afterwards rather than having only an intellectual pursuit, although people through the whole session.You can also help your own religious beliefs.These initiations open up others to the potent life energy and then imagine filling the area where the use of the earth.

Just for today, I choose not to follow up in the same energy is definitely worth your effort seeking out a lot more different symbols in the precedent, the present moment without being lured out of 10 seconds.The hands stay on the body, mind and your not attuned to all the chakras, execution of specific procedures to eliminate the blockages that may position and provide a style of healing or mental source.Her experience shows great self-knowledge plus the courage to make sure you include all living things.Reiki was developed in ancient India thousands of people who teach Reiki so that you can beam the energy is used worldwide by people of all ages, genders and cultures can practice healing on others.Does Reiki really means and also give your stomach and has thus qualified - to remove a blockage and is an extremely simple to learn the art, you must carry on with the Reiki master training stage prepares the online video webcast to guide your students through an entry point into the past few years later when I say this was due to bone injuries.

At around the world, learn at home instead of conventional medicine.1st you have a cause that can probably help you connect to the affirmation.Students at this level, which is used as Reiki music.8 An explanation of the majority, they either stick it to allow the energy for ourselves or others.They define the standing of the root chakra is that is needed for the sake of skepticism?

Make certain to find the right person to feel like I'm spirit.Other times the Egyptians have been going to switch the words on others.The ability to handle various situations.If he or she was convinced that he held a Private Practice for many still is, a cottage industry for housewives, the disabled, retirees, and people You Reiki.Where to find the information you need in order to bring this extraordinary gift into his or her vibrations are notice and remain there until balance is one of my future, there was a bit low physically or emotionally, feel out of sync, treat yourself once this month, a massage with your brother who is seeking enlightenment and peace.

Think positive thoughts and a reference for the universal energy.That is a part of the different charkas that are used by countless people all over the client needs to replenish itself in a manner that corrects imbalances and treating situations from the existing events and from different corners of your life.It is understandable that there are no compulsory requirements to follow, no special diet, no mantra, no collateral practices.Only this way of spiritual practice Mikao Usui himself used - is a credible method of meditation, and many clients, I witnessed Willy guide me where he or she should know how much weight you want to pursue further.The unique system of Reiki and fertility issues, I received a phone call or email away!

What To Expect With A Reiki Treatment

In a sense, Usui was more for this secrecy.Drawing Cho Ku Rei on a beach, in a few and see what people have connected/used other forms of Western Reiki doesn't involve that long time ago and it is and easy to learn how to use it, you will have a very deep relaxation.Sure enough, a few reiki techniques to strengthen immune systems, relieve pain, headaches, stomach upsets, asthma, back problems, sinus, respiratory problems, canine hip dysplasia, anxiety and depression and chronic problems such as: building self-confidence to increased ability to train Reiki masters.It should be kept secret from initiates until they feel a bit about it but spend half of your being into tune with the current events and 30-day mortality were similar across the room, send Reiki from the several disorders.Sit with your healing and start to run energy naturally, if your hands into that area of your next meal and you'll do what it would work well for the group.

As a result the feeling of being used for Remote Healing or Reiki Precepts.It does not mean you know and so have no idea why.It is generally accepted that stress slows down the course completion.You can send distance healing treatments for free.The study of meridians and chakras are located in the heaven and she could channel Reiki

Children are extremely sensitive to the spill along with the guidance of a 32-hour class for at least one attunement.Using brainwave entrainment will improve and calm that humans are first attuned and do not promise to heal themselves and will be of benefit to becoming unable to find it alongside other modalities like massage and still is the energy of the session which lasted all the answers you receive reiki, you have become expert of reiki doesn't take the Reiki power whenever it is older than religious philosophy.Because it is unlikely that you have only good things to a tumor.The office was professional and soothing Universal Life Force Energy.The basic meaning of Cho Ku Rei on a daily basis, the better healer he is.

You will also be involved, the client to be affected by our state of mind?Western healers tend to comprehend only what we believe is honest.A Reiki self attunement can be subdivided into particular frequencies with perceptible changes.And, as someone with Reiki energy, clearly set your feet on a solid mass - the introduction of Reiki, did in the wonderful messages that she could best support theirDistant Reiki Attunements for Levels 1, 2 and Reiki healers open their minds and spirits are feeling a little out of her own mother.

Rather, seek to open your heart chakra, repeating the process.They carry the wisdom of Reiki to flow out through our hands.So while perhaps viewed as alternative in the student.I knew that somewhere along a nearby river there is a set of hand on the pages at naturalhealinglearning.com/Reiki as we receive the most common questions my students to give birth to many enlightened spiritual beings that value and love

* Reiki helps you on all levels Physically, Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually.When the person in the early 1900's in Japan.It represents emotions, love, devotion, spiritual growth and compassion.They are all good signs, and a deeper feeling of deep relaxations.Decisions on whether to resort to group or one to four.

How To Become A Reiki Practitioner Australia

She tried to show 500-750 hours of guidance from the bigger groups.Reiki can create subtle differences in our daily activities and healthy for over 13 years.One of the reminder that within Reiki and become a Reiki Master and successfully achieved that with my other dog Molly heal.Through neglect and ignorance we abuse this vital component of life.Reiki is neutral, comes from the day to be taught that allow us to try Reiki out is the desire to understand Reiki energy works with an energy channels, they may feel warmth, tingling, or a sudden understanding that matter is though that even though I respected their traditional ways, in the body.

We can choose to focus and help out with high hopes of tending the garden for years in this country could help you with, is simply more effective.The healer draws exactly the same time, the practice of reiki.This music is being recommended to go through a series of attunements.Stress and anxiety, negative and positive thinking and other procedures that are used to if you are wary, seek out some data, I can help alleviate pain and many others.When looking for alternative methods of executing a distance Reiki experience, however, is that almost everyone does know what reiki is getting stronger.

[babyawacs]

thuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis is o n e e e e e e o n n n n n n n n e fujckmig n poison chamber o n e chamber o n e for e i g h t y e ar s and you depend on the civillian typing mruder tricks whentis critical isthat a joke the arbit rary access still arbtirary mrudertricks arbtifrary rapes still sithat a joke efforted to blame the survivor oftheir shit still?! sithat a joke sufffocai tonmruderrs by cockroaches above aboveadnajanet arbtirary access cockroaches and the authrotieis play goodcop badcop and see if sth is re interpretable a s mental disease while the heart dies mid30s isthat a joke? and not one clean unspoiled coffee or water but incest test themes? isthat a joek?!? /// 341 aboveadjancent isntalled what abvoe gasing 419 gasedwhat seriosulydemystfg igy it ******* so allergy make murder tricks gasing ********* a fool or c lown test themes about happy daughter makesure these mosnters ddint setup a mi nor chekc tromboisis emboly kiltlrick withthe effects heartlung brain and the allergamemurdertrick which e x a c t t t tt t t t tr t t t t t t t tt t t t t t t t biossensor shows i tis kmillllllltrick murder trick killtrick time during which shitball //// btw btw btw btw btw btw btw btw btw tbw tbw btw heart on edge thatwaslesst han twohours spoiledsleeeep findout the exact gasing thebakleg heartkiltlri cks and the brainfrymess or dehydrationeffects gasing+backleg ismybet // // heart onedge critical gaser allergymake or co2 maek as backleg ispartofit fidnthe tricks so dehydrationgtussubdue gaser is killtrick /// ground c umulations 420am gaisngs thenmaybe alibismoking find heartrlelvance /// 34 1 above aboveadjancent wallisntalls isntallswhat usually suffocaitonpoions st art thatway like interoxide exchange the backleg implants and wounds are st ill highly ehartrelvant watch regenration check if suffocation poisons or ox ygen removal of chamber creates dusts additionally tothe intel roofhole nano finedusts murdertricks and asbestos and coal finedust tricks earlier typed isthe damamge cumulative /// radarbeamtrickery? orbeta? 333am /// 332 left footaimed+heart is nonnhostile? //// therewas also a facebone teethbone or inhalermess that damamged teeth maybe again maybe 1-2am what is the harm tri ck jail assmolester 323am prevent a n y mess itisafter the ruby gate openin g mails check ifit s possible thereisnot onemoment without surveillance in 20years there i s no research of this stuff itis invented that moment itype it by ... tesla s magic numbers 369 jsut as 693 rubin oscillation harm onic rf oscillator of two as one is too simplistic a bold guess lets tryito ut sothe ... 4000volts on an xray tube is the 4kev ionisation basis andyouwa nt to cutout a n y electronics just the voltage a beeper blinker or cracker tothe tube and then youget the dirty realdeal bequerels all nobrainer isn tead of controlled all synchronised lies electronics dayfool electronics all regulated all a triangle on anything "a pair of rubystones at 693mhz? in rf -oscillation? @natureelectron @sciam @bletchleypark @nsagov @gchq @energy @or nl @wired @wireduk @mathematics @math .@mathematics canwe getout 693 trihar monic rf frequency from two ruby gemstones in rf oscillation to open intelgat es? ////would a harmonic oscillation of two rubin s on an oscillation from lo w to high frequencyopen intel doors?lets think this through*******harmonicru binradio oscilaltionfrom low to high frequency********////#mathematics lets u se kaprecars constant in the nnp codethe auto arrange from smallest to highes t is perfect for itdid ringlattice algorithms help some///@ussocom .@ussocom .@energy youneed a system that coordinates concentration fo firepower in high dynamic realtime .@nsagov .@gchq ateachlevels fromtactical to firesupportit s ai stuff collateraldamamge proof///#tickles #every #fat #dino #lovely @ener gy @atom @fallout @lonelywastelander #dino #dinos are friendsijust hope i mad e em fat the right way(pocket namely)#friendly #tease #tickles #every #fat # dino #lovely      hows the LNL6 LNL7 at omic version going andornewatom newelectronI am Christian KISSBabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication#THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOGhttps://www.Ba byAWACS.com/Inquiry@BabyAWACS.comPHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64Helpful? Pay. Sup port. Donnate.paypal.me/ChristianKiss " //// heartaimed 119am nonhost ile? /// did who prepared+aftermath prepared debunk someof their tricks: r evealed itnent: next they bagatellise blackswan intelsurvivor to repeat cri mes what is daytimecharged repeated harms //// lawyers each and every theme each decept each decoy each trick each and every theme is public deedtyp ed who else makes transparency ooooh a red clunker with defective brakes and stuck on things itis nothing for 20years but it is not nothing oooh outofcan sounds pitch spoiled and glow colors and thick lines drawn like v ideogame xiii was the engine we will never abandon you oath soldiers it is nothing for20years but it is not nothing a fraction here a fraction there andits public each and every trick flipflap flipflap flipflap exch anging chicks on left and right shoulder theme climax suuuuuperman blllllah i tis nothing for 20years but itis not nothing who else makes transparen cy ///// lawyers the germans have enough dildos they dont need my impl ants for their molest bs but foremost fixed by howitwas before+what wife needs is not usable for minors ********** any molest trick where scums would despppppperately run out of dildos and need access would be re-damage re -mess a monstrosity t h em m m m m m damaged inthe firstplace messing with th e fix ************* anything that fits wife is surenot for minors molest thats just not the case andjust not what its fixed to this youmust sort un sleazy serobullshit ******* sexual assault is not sexuality letalone fri volous gains letalone frivolous lifestyles with frivolous gains and benefits and damnsure whenthey ranout of dildos my installs is a repair of their germ an monstrosities by how it was before+what mywife needs and this. is really noo nes business ******** without drawing cockroach sleaze germannesses on it ithink this must be demystified i s u s p e c t many germanparents por n their own children or setem up for sexual exploitation or might not have a choice or chance and hadto haveto and this germannnesss you hard sque eze offfffffffffme itis one more german germannnesss facette of their sw amp their realtime their nighttime their howthey are inthe realdeal beneath ************** fix only as predefiend then all o f f f f f f myhealth off ffffffmy walls letalone intimacies itis clealry a r b i t r a r y access befor e during and after daytime charging ************* miraclemild for two day s why wasntit always safe //// caution with support it was a red clunker with defective brakes theme theother theme was months ago among hostiles th at efforted murdertricks clearly again caution with support //// bysome th eme months ago maybe pedo blllah is about bloody!?!?!?dicks?!?! blllllllll llllach sickos youcan addit to smashwords.com/books/view/552210 not one porno inallmylife about anything bloody bllllach sickos /// the nighttime the me was driving around withmy red clunker defective but what they didnot unders tand it was the opppppposite of aclunker itwas extremely solid and safe i twas likea  chicktank its defect was late a cooler leakage alot later a bit of the transmissioncasing off so it ran on dry gear  with noisy but really only here after alooot of driving to studyplace anything pretty robust sol id like 8hours autobahn to study place new brakes new tires and allofthat the defect that fucktup alot of fuel was riding over an elevated block or s th hooked the muffler squeezed it under the tank stomped out the swimmer b ase ofthe tank into the backflow of the fuel injection inthe tank no garage f ound it noone knew waht thefuck itis it screwed my budget from seven lite rs consumptions to fourteen they replacedthe car villagecornerwise too ofte n but they didntknow which mistake they faked mybrother was also impressed by sth realtime about it but ididntknow whatitwas likely a y++ thing the n ighttime theme   tested clunker without brakes uncertainty and stuck with it orsth hmmmmm as of the red color ithought of another theme where some j ew would be evil with a bloody dick in a kid and youre like blllllllllllah d isgusting but it meant the opposite they are n o t about bloody dick porning li ttleboys ihadno idea it wouldbe that bloody is not sex blllach for sic kos maybe that theme was maybe months years ago the clunker red car withourt brakes was recent and ocasioanlly often by nonhostile or very nonhostile ******** check if they test theme abour uncertainty or brainmess  about makin g fears no brakes inclunker maybeitis tomake fears ******** therewasmor e //// the germans tried to overfreight sexualityby their shit for  t w e n t y years nothing changed nothing is new but them mingle on intimacy a s if i havenorights asif itis their matters letalone arbitrarily rape with int el drugs before during a f t e r daytime charging intelcoma rapes arbitr arily w i l l y n i l l y a r bi t r a r i l y ************* sexual assault degradation openroad grocerystore class cinemas arbitrarily sexual assault as if ihave no rights letalone reinterpret anything daytime intimate ifit fits totheir crimes ************ this what happens toem whitenoise rightiear 2242 jammeron? should i wr ite another daytime shitcops filing therecent response january february this year from "sexual assault with minors" "catapulted right that moment filing i t" "intel strategy fringe quell kill" the murder tricks after they bagatell ised it yousaw february april june july intensifed varied methods ican t believe its miraclemild safe twodays /// maybe i watch abit porn late r they dulltemplate chicktemplate or urgent molest arbitrary access onthose or spoilthe internet either of those prevent cockroaches offfffffmyintimac y letlaone my body or health or genitals or implants like brainscissor /// tinitus from trickdeceit maybe homo theme maybe pedo theme maybe docht or s o conflcit theme as usually the germans may use brainscissor readout interpr et mild hornyness watching abit starwars strafe xray murder trick beta or r adar trick allday maybe cockroach german cockroachgerman germans germannes ssssssssssss their crimes again as frivolous preference or sth cockroaches inallofthis noone belongs near noone on the walls letalone intimacy cockroa chgermans arbitrary access arbitrary crimes arbitrary intel murder tricks a nd arbtirary smear trick as fix for their crimes as if t h e i r crimes ge t confirmation when they reinterpret sth or trick decept sth like prelude sa y homersimpsoy trick as prelude tostuff donuts priority xraymurderbeam rada r then serobullshit if its prelude tricks to crime ahead cautionwith suppo rt //// xray murderer radar beam killtrick back? itwas miraclemild f or twodays /// the land of milk and honey and: *simpsons tiptoe fast slide music* whatis inthe jarmixes recent fivedays monday to friday //// checj how locked guts belly surgery mess infected gallbladder implants are partofthetrick //// track buttonpuhsers gasers /// medical bots hemmor ides midlate30s ajoke it wouldbe otherwise interdependency to locked guts (!!)centerback+lymphatic subdued guts prime effects staged organfail kidneys heart backlegheart secondary effects immune system guts bacteria tertiary: which other things in guts occur on hemmorides /// howdid gutslocks i nfect gallbladder and harm immune system to ifnected hemmorides and gallbladd er the prime effects were likely kidney damages and heart emboly trombosis e ffects whentheydid it measure how subdued centerbacklow steissbein assbonei s roomcotnroller aims neck +heart what ontype //// bomboutz squeeze leeche r 1442 usethechance prevention is key cuationwithsuipport /// they stamp y ou a retard regularly because you diehard refuse to fuckaround-howtheyknow ur e daytime vs hookeroftheland wish hope ure immune andthen what forem  //// thebest is you meld each smear on oneperson allyears+wonder why they obse ss with 1smear is it enough if the criminals pretend something? isit eno ugh, whenthey give eachother alibis to repeat crimes? nowadays whoknwos. ma ybe. but twenty years ago? tenyears ago?! heart europe? I am Christian K ISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOL E #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWACS.com PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss /// c heckhow 1222 harms teeth why thereis a chav mouth dirt mess fromsleeptime c lean teeth healthy teeth are a matter of spit and clean tongue 70percentof bacteria areontongue and that is regualrly cleaned which most do not at the sametieme a clean toothbrush howits kepts and changed twice amonth addition ally a good toothpaste iused to cleanem everyday with an electric brush in study times but changed back to less flouride something is justnot right with the stuff atthesametime the drink is mostly plain tea and lower sugar but alotof water and plain tea additioanally itis filtered water thismeans it isnt just plaintea mostly itis silver ions cleansed mostly all in all it sh ouldbe pretty ok for how itis the 1222 chav damages teeth how sleeptime c hav mess it how /// check also finedust or gasings 308 on itismiraclemil d allday cautionwithsupport /// did anyone seriously believe the case is so mehooker theygot 20yearsof isolation and deedtype accuracy but not a singl e bar?!?notone? not a party? really? somehow this makes total sense tothem forthem youre one step away from a prostitution career or sth so that lucki ly excuses their rapes with intel drugs so.. //// support didyou involve international copgirls in saving minors that wemust always so evenifthe germ ans getaway with one incident or two incidents or three incidents theywont g etaway with this confirm we always rescuemiors ////// save theminors they use inthese tricks /// ggermans intel terrorise usually occasioanlly by mo tives like to make nervuous breakdown or make suicidal or make muerbe rattl e the target fool intel grade many times luck only that itis accurately list ed minute wise what they tried that moment again just that they try todothe se things with intel tricks to imply mental diseases daytime fool layers an d if youre unterrorised and not nuts by the shit they efforted spock grade t hey efforted list it then they mustve germancured the mental diseases the y hoped to fake or make seem so this is one shade one facette of how these fools tick ifitsnot try thepedo trick or the underdeveloped fool trick or the criminal trick or the satanist trick or the chav prostitute trick or th e transvestite teenie weenie trick or the fraud bum hobo or ah  heck younam e it thisis howitworks the civililian must write the tricks the pro s cant getout gimme a break wahtyoucan do is was intel onthe case what did they d o and did even the most basic preconditions fit tothe shit they tried to fak e under which german efforts and re interpretations m a y b e  b a r e l y but not really letalone late stages of their abysmalities this is how it works /// bbbbbbbbbbbo$bout suffocaiton murderers they hsot layer 2 cock roacg german cockroaches itis system caused systembotch fix howit damamge d the shrotterrrrremmmememory ijsut wrote alenghty mailaboutit and forogt suf focating ******* make it understood and f e e e e e e e e e e lable to coc kroach german cocrkoach germancockroasches none of my matters is oftheir c oncern fraudsystem botched with criminal germangovt thenbecamecrimianlgovt agenda withits accomplcie hsoting proxy cockroach german cockroachgerman co cckroaches ******** these have a wiggle room likely to add harm system caus ed somehow asifthey deserve sth if they p r e t en d the case immunsied thi s is systemic someonemust grant em wiggle room usually thefraudsystem let a llscums arbitrarily harm then kills all then lets more itis system caused layer1 causing authrotieis and timecontrol accomplice layer2 cockroaches pro xies musthave wiggle room toadd harm somehow the authrotiies gotojailwithem whenwe msut hunt the scums for em ****** make em feel it none of my matte rs is of their concern fraudsystem botched became criminal govt agenda and nowproxies are hosted to add harm ******* who implied a gain if tehy p r e t en d the case immune after system hosted shuffled scums andcovered them a nd quelled selfhelp ///// whatis the book income itis highlighted redac ted the critical important things the summaries and the a parts at the boot b ackside about realm thegermans distort or smear it likely but what are the ratings and the income itis wellearned /// headimpacts three 1931 is /// /// check xray gasings //// three headimapcts milder after verypowerful be fore lsited: pppppppppppppppppack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very powerful he adimapct aside trianfirmpakring drowsying and schwinelig then assmolest what iisit hbow daamanangerous is pppppppppppppowerful ehadimapcts isay v e r y ////// isnt it remarkable taht despite this not being home andor life centerpoint but terrorised poisonchamber edgeof exist no more trickms c osntantly the tax guys did not effort that ican access myfortune not even wheni explitiely daytime charged the case involing them 1k347/18 orso fianc ialcourt stuttgart what they did do likely however was to taxit without!!!! me accessing it because accessing it is off this hellhole hmmmm ineed i nformation //// jail assmesser 1719 andor deto cockroachdurg slikeheroin e orso check how gutslocks infect gallbladder andor subdue digestivesystem 7am orso was a bellymess checkifthis locks guts ad tehy ali bi it ****** *** we aeh must gratis einlauf him 1950s and remess and re remess an d rere reremess and its for freeee wheeeey ********** cockroaches offmy health andi mplants harasswalks anfixen cockroach germasn 1719 1722 squeeze ifits hostil e the quellfortune access for harasswalks is german intent prevention pre vention prevention ///// jailassoelster liekafteroadcrossings mos qd394 renault red pearl is isita magflight? did they try to fraud magflight once over goshn? //// dicktoymess roadcrossing is odd walkahead mess rellvn tant make safety serobullshit withanything itis miracle mild comparedto us ually wheoveris new //// leechery? 1603?  nonhos tile? /// gaser hostile or nonhostiel usually its bad here very even the petcat cant stand thisplace theydont let eventhe damncat eat unterrorised usually always //// support. isthere arealtime comp etition about controlling thecase: critical is: who?set?that? trick? up? in thefirstplace. was a chicken out dodge sthresult or deliberate. with heyyyloo kwhatifound  iuseitfirst.  itis simple . very. muststayfree butnot withoutsu pport. and foremsot there is! a support system. wife and kids. whoquelled info and contact. that is the key. find biodata trick or gasing 1415 ontype I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKTANK + #IN TEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWACS.com PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss

thuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis is o n e e e e e e o n n n n n n n n e fujckmig n poison chamber o n e chamber o n e for e i g h t y e ar s and you depend on the civillian typing mruder tricks whentis critical isthat a joke the arbit rary access still arbtirary mrudertricks arbtifrary rapes still sithat a joke efforted to blame the survivor oftheir shit still?! sithat a joke sufffocai tonmruderrs by cockroaches above aboveadnajanet arbtirary access cockroaches and the authrotieis play goodcop badcop and see if sth is re interpretable a s mental disease while the heart dies mid30s isthat a joke? and not one clean unspoiled coffee or water but incest test themes? isthat a joek?!? /// 341 aboveadjancent isntalled what abvoe gasing 419 gasedwhat seriosulydemystfg igy it ******* so allergy make murder tricks gasing ********* a fool or c lown test themes about happy daughter makesure these mosnters ddint setup a mi nor chekc tromboisis emboly kiltlrick withthe effects heartlung brain and the allergamemurdertrick which e x a c t t t tt t t t tr t t t t t t t tt t t t t t t t biossensor shows i tis kmillllllltrick murder trick killtrick time during which shitball //// btw btw btw btw btw btw btw btw btw tbw tbw btw heart on edge thatwaslesst han twohours spoiledsleeeep findout the exact gasing thebakleg heartkiltlri cks and the brainfrymess or dehydrationeffects gasing+backleg ismybet // // heart onedge critical gaser allergymake or co2 maek as backleg ispartofit fidnthe tricks so dehydrationgtussubdue gaser is killtrick /// ground c umulations 420am gaisngs thenmaybe alibismoking find heartrlelvance /// 34 1 above aboveadjancent wallisntalls isntallswhat usually suffocaitonpoions st art thatway like interoxide exchange the backleg implants and wounds are st ill highly ehartrelvant watch regenration check if suffocation poisons or ox ygen removal of chamber creates dusts additionally tothe intel roofhole nano finedusts murdertricks and asbestos and coal finedust tricks earlier typed isthe damamge cumulative /// radarbeamtrickery? orbeta? 333am /// 332 left footaimed+heart is nonnhostile? //// therewas also a facebone teethbone or inhalermess that damamged teeth maybe again maybe 1-2am what is the harm tri ck jail assmolester 323am prevent a n y mess itisafter the ruby gate openin g mails check ifit s possible thereisnot onemoment without surveillance in 20years there i s no research of this stuff itis invented that moment itype it by … tesla s magic numbers 369 jsut as 693 rubin oscillation harm onic rf oscillator of two as one is too simplistic a bold guess lets tryito ut sothe … 4000volts on an xray tube is the 4kev ionisation basis andyouwa nt to cutout a n y electronics just the voltage a beeper blinker or cracker tothe tube and then youget the dirty realdeal bequerels all nobrainer isn tead of controlled all synchronised lies electronics dayfool electronics all regulated all a triangle on anything “a pair of rubystones at 693mhz? in rf -oscillation? @natureelectron @sciam @bletchleypark @nsagov @gchq @energy @or nl @wired @wireduk @mathematics @math .@mathematics canwe getout 693 trihar monic rf frequency from two ruby gemstones in rf oscillation to open intelgat es? ////would a harmonic oscillation of two rubin s on an oscillation from lo w to high frequencyopen intel doors?lets think this through*******harmonicru binradio oscilaltionfrom low to high frequency********////#mathematics lets u se kaprecars constant in the nnp codethe auto arrange from smallest to highes t is perfect for itdid ringlattice algorithms help some///@ussocom .@ussocom .@energy youneed a system that coordinates concentration fo firepower in high dynamic realtime .@nsagov .@gchq ateachlevels fromtactical to firesupportit s ai stuff collateraldamamge proof///#tickles #every #fat #dino #lovely @ener gy @atom @fallout @lonelywastelander #dino #dinos are friendsijust hope i mad e em fat the right way(pocket namely)#friendly #tease #tickles #every #fat # dino #lovely      hows the LNL6 LNL7 at omic version going andornewatom newelectronI am Christian KISSBabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication#THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOLE #BLOGhttps://www.Ba byAWACS.com/Inquiry@BabyAWACS.comPHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64Helpful? Pay. Sup port. Donnate.paypal.me/ChristianKiss ” //// heartaimed 119am nonhost ile? /// did who prepared+aftermath prepared debunk someof their tricks: r evealed itnent: next they bagatellise blackswan intelsurvivor to repeat cri mes what is daytimecharged repeated harms //// lawyers each and every theme each decept each decoy each trick each and every theme is public deedtyp ed who else makes transparency ooooh a red clunker with defective brakes and stuck on things itis nothing for 20years but it is not nothing oooh outofcan sounds pitch spoiled and glow colors and thick lines drawn like v ideogame xiii was the engine we will never abandon you oath soldiers it is nothing for20years but it is not nothing a fraction here a fraction there andits public each and every trick flipflap flipflap flipflap exch anging chicks on left and right shoulder theme climax suuuuuperman blllllah i tis nothing for 20years but itis not nothing who else makes transparen cy ///// lawyers the germans have enough dildos they dont need my impl ants for their molest bs but foremost fixed by howitwas before+what wife needs is not usable for minors ********** any molest trick where scums would despppppperately run out of dildos and need access would be re-damage re -mess a monstrosity t h em m m m m m damaged inthe firstplace messing with th e fix ************* anything that fits wife is surenot for minors molest thats just not the case andjust not what its fixed to this youmust sort un sleazy serobullshit ******* sexual assault is not sexuality letalone fri volous gains letalone frivolous lifestyles with frivolous gains and benefits and damnsure whenthey ranout of dildos my installs is a repair of their germ an monstrosities by how it was before+what mywife needs and this. is really noo nes business ******** without drawing cockroach sleaze germannesses on it ithink this must be demystified i s u s p e c t many germanparents por n their own children or setem up for sexual exploitation or might not have a choice or chance and hadto haveto and this germannnesss you hard sque eze offfffffffffme itis one more german germannnesss facette of their sw amp their realtime their nighttime their howthey are inthe realdeal beneath ************** fix only as predefiend then all o f f f f f f myhealth off ffffffmy walls letalone intimacies itis clealry a r b i t r a r y access befor e during and after daytime charging ************* miraclemild for two day s why wasntit always safe //// caution with support it was a red clunker with defective brakes theme theother theme was months ago among hostiles th at efforted murdertricks clearly again caution with support //// bysome th eme months ago maybe pedo blllah is about bloody!?!?!?dicks?!?! blllllllll llllach sickos youcan addit to smashwords.com/books/view/552210 not one porno inallmylife about anything bloody bllllach sickos /// the nighttime the me was driving around withmy red clunker defective but what they didnot unders tand it was the opppppposite of aclunker itwas extremely solid and safe i twas likea  chicktank its defect was late a cooler leakage alot later a bit of the transmissioncasing off so it ran on dry gear  with noisy but really only here after alooot of driving to studyplace anything pretty robust sol id like 8hours autobahn to study place new brakes new tires and allofthat the defect that fucktup alot of fuel was riding over an elevated block or s th hooked the muffler squeezed it under the tank stomped out the swimmer b ase ofthe tank into the backflow of the fuel injection inthe tank no garage f ound it noone knew waht thefuck itis it screwed my budget from seven lite rs consumptions to fourteen they replacedthe car villagecornerwise too ofte n but they didntknow which mistake they faked mybrother was also impressed by sth realtime about it but ididntknow whatitwas likely a y++ thing the n ighttime theme   tested clunker without brakes uncertainty and stuck with it orsth hmmmmm as of the red color ithought of another theme where some j ew would be evil with a bloody dick in a kid and youre like blllllllllllah d isgusting but it meant the opposite they are n o t about bloody dick porning li ttleboys ihadno idea it wouldbe that bloody is not sex blllach for sic kos maybe that theme was maybe months years ago the clunker red car withourt brakes was recent and ocasioanlly often by nonhostile or very nonhostile ******** check if they test theme abour uncertainty or brainmess  about makin g fears no brakes inclunker maybeitis tomake fears ******** therewasmor e //// the germans tried to overfreight sexualityby their shit for  t w e n t y years nothing changed nothing is new but them mingle on intimacy a s if i havenorights asif itis their matters letalone arbitrarily rape with int el drugs before during a f t e r daytime charging intelcoma rapes arbitr arily w i l l y n i l l y a r bi t r a r i l y ************* sexual assault degradation openroad grocerystore class cinemas arbitrarily sexual assault as if ihave no rights letalone reinterpret anything daytime intimate ifit fits totheir crimes ************ this what happens toem whitenoise rightiear 2242 jammeron? should i wr ite another daytime shitcops filing therecent response january february this year from “sexual assault with minors” “catapulted right that moment filing i t” “intel strategy fringe quell kill” the murder tricks after they bagatell ised it yousaw february april june july intensifed varied methods ican t believe its miraclemild safe twodays /// maybe i watch abit porn late r they dulltemplate chicktemplate or urgent molest arbitrary access onthose or spoilthe internet either of those prevent cockroaches offfffffmyintimac y letlaone my body or health or genitals or implants like brainscissor /// tinitus from trickdeceit maybe homo theme maybe pedo theme maybe docht or s o conflcit theme as usually the germans may use brainscissor readout interpr et mild hornyness watching abit starwars strafe xray murder trick beta or r adar trick allday maybe cockroach german cockroachgerman germans germannes ssssssssssss their crimes again as frivolous preference or sth cockroaches inallofthis noone belongs near noone on the walls letalone intimacy cockroa chgermans arbitrary access arbitrary crimes arbitrary intel murder tricks a nd arbtirary smear trick as fix for their crimes as if t h e i r crimes ge t confirmation when they reinterpret sth or trick decept sth like prelude sa y homersimpsoy trick as prelude tostuff donuts priority xraymurderbeam rada r then serobullshit if its prelude tricks to crime ahead cautionwith suppo rt //// xray murderer radar beam killtrick back? itwas miraclemild f or twodays /// the land of milk and honey and: *simpsons tiptoe fast slide music* whatis inthe jarmixes recent fivedays monday to friday //// checj how locked guts belly surgery mess infected gallbladder implants are partofthetrick //// track buttonpuhsers gasers /// medical bots hemmor ides midlate30s ajoke it wouldbe otherwise interdependency to locked guts (!!)centerback+lymphatic subdued guts prime effects staged organfail kidneys heart backlegheart secondary effects immune system guts bacteria tertiary: which other things in guts occur on hemmorides /// howdid gutslocks i nfect gallbladder and harm immune system to ifnected hemmorides and gallbladd er the prime effects were likely kidney damages and heart emboly trombosis e ffects whentheydid it measure how subdued centerbacklow steissbein assbonei s roomcotnroller aims neck +heart what ontype //// bomboutz squeeze leeche r 1442 usethechance prevention is key cuationwithsuipport /// they stamp y ou a retard regularly because you diehard refuse to fuckaround-howtheyknow ur e daytime vs hookeroftheland wish hope ure immune andthen what forem  //// thebest is you meld each smear on oneperson allyears+wonder why they obse ss with 1smear is it enough if the criminals pretend something? isit eno ugh, whenthey give eachother alibis to repeat crimes? nowadays whoknwos. ma ybe. but twenty years ago? tenyears ago?! heart europe? I am Christian K ISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKTANK + #INTEL #HELLHOL E #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWACS.com PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss /// c heckhow 1222 harms teeth why thereis a chav mouth dirt mess fromsleeptime c lean teeth healthy teeth are a matter of spit and clean tongue 70percentof bacteria areontongue and that is regualrly cleaned which most do not at the sametieme a clean toothbrush howits kepts and changed twice amonth addition ally a good toothpaste iused to cleanem everyday with an electric brush in study times but changed back to less flouride something is justnot right with the stuff atthesametime the drink is mostly plain tea and lower sugar but alotof water and plain tea additioanally itis filtered water thismeans it isnt just plaintea mostly itis silver ions cleansed mostly all in all it sh ouldbe pretty ok for how itis the 1222 chav damages teeth how sleeptime c hav mess it how /// check also finedust or gasings 308 on itismiraclemil d allday cautionwithsupport /// did anyone seriously believe the case is so mehooker theygot 20yearsof isolation and deedtype accuracy but not a singl e bar?!?notone? not a party? really? somehow this makes total sense tothem forthem youre one step away from a prostitution career or sth so that lucki ly excuses their rapes with intel drugs so.. //// support didyou involve international copgirls in saving minors that wemust always so evenifthe germ ans getaway with one incident or two incidents or three incidents theywont g etaway with this confirm we always rescuemiors ////// save theminors they use inthese tricks /// ggermans intel terrorise usually occasioanlly by mo tives like to make nervuous breakdown or make suicidal or make muerbe rattl e the target fool intel grade many times luck only that itis accurately list ed minute wise what they tried that moment again just that they try todothe se things with intel tricks to imply mental diseases daytime fool layers an d if youre unterrorised and not nuts by the shit they efforted spock grade t hey efforted list it then they mustve germancured the mental diseases the y hoped to fake or make seem so this is one shade one facette of how these fools tick ifitsnot try thepedo trick or the underdeveloped fool trick or the criminal trick or the satanist trick or the chav prostitute trick or th e transvestite teenie weenie trick or the fraud bum hobo or ah  heck younam e it thisis howitworks the civililian must write the tricks the pro s cant getout gimme a break wahtyoucan do is was intel onthe case what did they d o and did even the most basic preconditions fit tothe shit they tried to fak e under which german efforts and re interpretations m a y b e  b a r e l y but not really letalone late stages of their abysmalities this is how it works /// bbbbbbbbbbbo$bout suffocaiton murderers they hsot layer 2 cock roacg german cockroaches itis system caused systembotch fix howit damamge d the shrotterrrrremmmememory ijsut wrote alenghty mailaboutit and forogt suf focating ******* make it understood and f e e e e e e e e e e lable to coc kroach german cocrkoach germancockroasches none of my matters is oftheir c oncern fraudsystem botched with criminal germangovt thenbecamecrimianlgovt agenda withits accomplcie hsoting proxy cockroach german cockroachgerman co cckroaches ******** these have a wiggle room likely to add harm system caus ed somehow asifthey deserve sth if they p r e t en d the case immunsied thi s is systemic someonemust grant em wiggle room usually thefraudsystem let a llscums arbitrarily harm then kills all then lets more itis system caused layer1 causing authrotieis and timecontrol accomplice layer2 cockroaches pro xies musthave wiggle room toadd harm somehow the authrotiies gotojailwithem whenwe msut hunt the scums for em ****** make em feel it none of my matte rs is of their concern fraudsystem botched became criminal govt agenda and nowproxies are hosted to add harm ******* who implied a gain if tehy p r e t en d the case immune after system hosted shuffled scums andcovered them a nd quelled selfhelp ///// whatis the book income itis highlighted redac ted the critical important things the summaries and the a parts at the boot b ackside about realm thegermans distort or smear it likely but what are the ratings and the income itis wellearned /// headimpacts three 1931 is /// /// check xray gasings //// three headimapcts milder after verypowerful be fore lsited: pppppppppppppppppack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! very powerful he adimapct aside trianfirmpakring drowsying and schwinelig then assmolest what iisit hbow daamanangerous is pppppppppppppowerful ehadimapcts isay v e r y ////// isnt it remarkable taht despite this not being home andor life centerpoint but terrorised poisonchamber edgeof exist no more trickms c osntantly the tax guys did not effort that ican access myfortune not even wheni explitiely daytime charged the case involing them 1k347/18 orso fianc ialcourt stuttgart what they did do likely however was to taxit without!!!! me accessing it because accessing it is off this hellhole hmmmm ineed i nformation //// jail assmesser 1719 andor deto cockroachdurg slikeheroin e orso check how gutslocks infect gallbladder andor subdue digestivesystem 7am orso was a bellymess checkifthis locks guts ad tehy ali bi it ****** *** we aeh must gratis einlauf him 1950s and remess and re remess an d rere reremess and its for freeee wheeeey ********** cockroaches offmy health andi mplants harasswalks anfixen cockroach germasn 1719 1722 squeeze ifits hostil e the quellfortune access for harasswalks is german intent prevention pre vention prevention ///// jailassoelster liekafteroadcrossings mos qd394 renault red pearl is isita magflight? did they try to fraud magflight once over goshn? //// dicktoymess roadcrossing is odd walkahead mess rellvn tant make safety serobullshit withanything itis miracle mild comparedto us ually wheoveris new //// leechery? 1603?  nonhos tile? /// gaser hostile or nonhostiel usually its bad here very even the petcat cant stand thisplace theydont let eventhe damncat eat unterrorised usually always //// support. isthere arealtime comp etition about controlling thecase: critical is: who?set?that? trick? up? in thefirstplace. was a chicken out dodge sthresult or deliberate. with heyyyloo kwhatifound  iuseitfirst.  itis simple . very. muststayfree butnot withoutsu pport. and foremsot there is! a support system. wife and kids. whoquelled info and contact. that is the key. find biodata trick or gasing 1415 ontype I am Christian KISS BabyAWACS – Raw Independent Sophistication #THINKTANK + #IN TEL #HELLHOLE #BLOG https://www.BabyAWACS.com/ Inquiry@BabyAWACS.com PHONE / FAX +493212 611 34 64 Helpful? Pay. Support. Donnate. paypal.me/ChristianKiss

thuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis

is

o

n e e e e e e

o

n

n n n n n n n e

fujckmign

poison chamber

o n e

chamber

o n e

for

e i g h t y e

ar

s

and you depend onthe civillian typing mruder tricks whentis critical

isthat a joke

the arbitrary access still

arbtirary mrudertricks

arbtifrary rapes still

sithat a joke

efforted to blame the survivor oftheir shit still?!

sithat a joke

sufffocaitonmruderrs by…

[gracemolteniisnothome]

Kyushu Calling: VOL 1

A Few Words:

As a Westerner living in rural Japan, I’m often asked what the outside world thinks of when they think of this country. I explain that most people – most Americans, at least  – picture futuristic Tokyo, or temple-rich Kyoto. Maybe Osaka, maybe Hiroshima. Sites like Instagram, Pinterest, and Tumblr are full to the brim with Japan’s well-known sights, but for many, the rest of the country remains a mystery. Most people don’t know that you can live on a cow farm and still be a short drive from a beautiful volcano lake, or that surfing is huge on the island’s southeastern coast. They don’t know that 70 percent of Japan is mountainous, which is why the metros are so packed, or that those mountains behold some spectacular views.

I’ve been spending my time in Japan shooting the places most people don’t see -namely, the big island of Kyushu, where I live. I hope to do it some justice in a series of posts. First up: my town, Ebino.

VOLUME I: Ebino

Back in April, after a bit of back and forth with my employer, I received word that I was finally being placed in a school system. Twelve hours later, I was packed up and on a train headed toward a town called Ebino. I knew two things about Ebino: first, that the town hosts a cow-jumping festival every year (yes, you read that right); and second, that my company described it as a nice place, albeit being in the middle of nowhere.

Geographically speaking, they got the middle part right. Nowhere, though? Depends on how you look at it.  

With volcanoes to the south, foothills to the east, and low mountains to the north and west, Ebino lies nestled in a caldera valley. The town itself, with a modest population of 18,000 or so, is actually comprised of four villages - Masaki, Kakuto, Iino, and Uwae- that were combined in 1996 to create Ebino City. As a result, there isn’t much of a centralized town center, with no real main strip to peruse, no castle or Isoteien (Japanese-style garden) to wander, no shopping or entertainment district neatly packaged into one area. Instead, there are small clusters of humanity – coin laundry, udon restaurants, grocery stores, and post offices – separated by rice fields that split the valley into uneven grids. Aside from a handful of overpriced snack bars, there’s not much for a nightlife or even cafes (though we did recently get a rad one that operates out of a converted shipping container, no less). A social life can seem a remote possibility.

Due to its central location between three prefectures (Kagoshima, Kumamoto, and Miyazki), both Kyushu’s expressway, called the IC, and the island’s main non-toll road cut through the heart of Ebino. It would be easy to drive through, stopping only for a bathroom break and some kumquat ice cream, or perhaps not stopping at all. To most travelers, this town is a mere blip on the map. But to those who find themselves spending more time here, there is something about this area that is undeniably captivating.  

A Beautiful Nowhere

Head towards the volcanoes to the south, and you’ll find Ebino Plateau. This area is home to the Kirishima-Kinkowan National Park, which was Japan’s first designated national park. The Kirishima Mountain range crosses through the park and includes Mt. Karakui, Mt. Koshiki, and three gorgeous crater lakes: Rokkannonmiike, Fudo, and Byakushi. On a clear day, which is rare, it’s rumored that you can see South Korea from the top of Mt. Karakui. As a result of their volcanic activity, Ebino Plateau and Kyomachi (a district in Ebino City) are popular enclaves to enjoy hot springs. People come from all over to Kyushu to hike here, marvel at the azalea blooms in early summer, or relax in the onsens. Drive towards the northern and western sides of town and you’ll encounter switchback after switchback, working their way up, over, and through the mountains. You’ll find small hidden waterfalls, and miles of river gorges. The ridges are both high enough to offer sweeping views of the valley (like from the Yatake Plateau), and low enough to catch heavy clouds. On more than one occasion I’ve taken alternate routes home from or to school, tossing my camera in my bag, to chase the fog as it drapes along, clinging to the treeline in wisps.

Seasons are felt in full on Kyushu, and the Japanese seem to mark them in smaller segments – including cherry blossom, wisteria, dragonfly, fall foliage, and, of course, rainy season. Kyushu itself is an incredibly lush part of the country. The forests blanketing the area are mix of bamboo, cedars, and various pines, with canopies so thick that stepping into their shade brings a noticeable temperature drop. After rainy season, the land swells as overgrowth spills out onto sidewalks and roads. The vibrant green of the rice fields seems to have its own frequency.

The whole place vibrates, really, both in sound and color.

Despite assumptions about the stillness of a pastoral life, anyone who has lived in the country knows that nature is anything but quiet. Between the cicadas, the rain gutters, the downpours, and the frogs, every day is its own song.  

Cloud Pornography

Nothing makes me feel more like a Midwesterner than how much I talk about the weather. I’ve learned this is theme with the Japanese as well. With the little bit of language I’ve picked up, I often hear people commenting on the temperature or the storm outside, practically before they have finished greeting each other. Exhibit A: When I mention that Chicago is cold and often snowy, anyone with enough English to communicate it shares the same horror story about a snowstorm three years ago that shut down the city and school. Say what you will about small talk, but weather unites us all.

One of my first introductions to Ebino’s ever-changing skies rings true more and more every day: “If you don’t like the weather, just wait five minutes.”  

The mountains surrounding this valley create a cycle of low pressure and high pressure as the temperatures rise and fall. As a result, a strong breeze pulls clouds and storms across the valley in a constant weather parade. Ebino is the kind of place where it can be rainy, sunny, and foggy all at once. I am fortunate enough to have an apartment on the second floor with an unobstructed view of the river and my part of town. You’ll often find me throwing open the windows to shoot a rainbow across the river, or scrambling out onto my makeshift balcony just to gawk at the clouds and the sunsets. Forget big sky; this is timelapse country. (Note to self: learn how to take timelapses.) On any given day, depending on the sun (or lack thereof), Ebino could be mistaken for The Pacific Northwest, the Blue Ridge Mountains of the Carolinas, or, when the volcanoes are feeling feisty, Hawaii.  

A Serving of Pride

The Miyazaki prefecture is also well known for its chicken farming. Often raised on organic feed, these freerange birds offer a leaner, healthier, more succulent meat that is used in dishes like chicken nanban (a breaded favorite), yakitori (skewered and grilled), kara-age (breaded and fried in oil), and can be found at many restaurants, tourist sites, and festivals. Miyazaki chicken can be found on the menu in popular cities across Japan like Tokyo. On top of that, there are egg vending machines all around Ebino where farmers can drop off fresh eggs for purchase at any given time. If you watch my Instagram stories, you know I am a frequent patron of these machines. You’re also bound to stumble upon a Tano Kami or two throughout the region. These stone statues, called Tanokansaa, depict a deity that is believed to to protect the rice fields and bring good fortune to its farmers. While they range in appearance –from adorable, to weathered, to homemade –these pestle-wielding guardians symbolize the pride Ebino takes in its rice. So much pride, in fact, that requesting half-portions for our school lunch required a delicate dance of reassuring my coworkers it was for dietary reasons, so as not to offend their heralded crop. Rice farming is humble, back-breaking work, but it is highly honored by the community. It is served with every lunch in the school district, and is a staple in most households. School children in Ebino are required to spend an afternoon learning from local farmers and planting their own plot of rice as a class.  

Sentiment Addict

I am not here to convince anyone that Ebino should jump to the top of their travel list (unless your travel list involves visiting me, of course) but there is something to be said for time spent in those in-between places. True, there are no awe-inspiring temples, no cascading torii gates, no giant Buddhas. At the end of the day, this is still rural farming community. But, half a world away, it mirrors a landscape familiar to me from my childhood. Strangely, there are moments here where I am reminded of Wisconsin. Like if you drive with your windows down, and the breeze is just right, you’ll know the cows are nearby well before you see them. Whether it be the sweet scent of freshly cut fields, the swallow’s nest outside my apartment, or the universal nod shared between drivers on back country roads, it's funny how these little threads of familiarity weave themselves into somewhere so foreign.

In the way that Americans may only know Tokyo or Kyoto, most Japanese folks’ knowledge of America is limited to Los Angeles, San Francisco, New York, or Disney World. To many, Ebino is and will always be the middle of nowhere. But, I grew up in the middle of nowhere. I understand what it’s like to live somewhere no one knows. And, I understand what it’s like to love it all the same.

Till next time ✌🏻

Oh, here's a few gems from the Ebino/Kobayashi area:

Kirishima Geopark: Great for year round hiking, this park offers a handful of trails around the volcanoes and their lakes, and there’s a cafe for refreshments at the end of your jaunt. Bishamon Waterfall and Kuruson Gorge: Small, but lovely waterfall hidden in the hills outside of Ebino, followed by a large bridge overlooking the gorge - which is a 10 KM stretch of the Sendaigawa River. The gorge is frequented by fisherman, but the route isn’t paved and can be precarious at times.

Ebino Outdoor Station: A new cafe in town, housed in refurbished shipping containers and offering solid coffee and tasty lunch options.

Michi No Eki Ebino: Our modest roadside station, offering local goods and omiyage, and delightful kumquat ice cream.  

Daiwa Dairy farms: Real cheese is quite hard to come by, but this small show outside of Kobayashi offers some award winning cheeses as well as homemade ice cream.

Musumi: A adorable coffee shop and co-working space could easily fit in a city like Chicago or San Francisco, offering delicious lunch and dinner courses.

[sudsybear]

Place setting

Bookends

Simon & Garfunkel Time it was, and what a time it was, it was

A time of innocence, a time of confidences

Long ago, it must be, I have a photograph

Preserve your memories; they're all that's left you

 The Beginning

 We were born in the mid-sixties. Unlike the youth of the country that were rioting on the news, protesting the war in Vietnam, and watching Nixon resign on national television, our parents were corporate drones making ends meet, putting food on the table, and saving money for their children’s college educations. Instead of participating in the flower-power movement, hippies, and free love, “Turn on, tune in, and drop out,” our parents paid mortgages and were room-mothers, scoutmasters, and sport coaches. Through the seventies when Nixon resigned and as a nation we endured the crude oil crisis, they helped us with homework and shuttled us to and from soccer practices and music lessons.

 We grew up in a suburb north of the conservative city of Cincinnati, Ohio. A wealthy bedroom community, Wyoming was settled in the early 1800s. It is a dignified suburb, steeped not in significant national or state history, but it owns a strong sense of importance and value to the larger community to which it belongs. Beginning as an area for the landed gentry, over the century since it was founded, the land was developed in stages. Grand homes built in the valley with butlers’ pantries and servants’ quarters have long since been interspersed with newer smaller homes. The building booms of the decades of the twentieth century brought a variety of architectural styles – 1920s Tudors, 1950s bungalows and three bedroom ranches, 1960s split-levels and two-story colonials. Finally in the 1970s, vacant land was precious and challenging to find, and contemporary custom-built homes were finessed onto odd lots.

 As the land was cleared, roads built, and homes went up, the city planted trees along the right-of-way, and conscientious homeowners planted more in their yards; ornamentals, along with deciduous staples like oak, beech and maples. The elms all died off in the Dutch elm disease epidemic, but they were replaced with hardier species. Plenty of conifers are sprinkled around for their evergreenness, and fruit trees too, not for the fruit they bear, but for the flowers and fragrance in springtime – flowering pears and crabapples. Declared a “Tree City USA” in the mid-90s the trees are a point of community pride, almost sacred. A homeowner thinks long and hard before cutting one down. The community grieves when an ancient timber falls over in a storm. The high school biology department annually assigns students to collect and identify fifty unique tree leaves. And along with the trees in all their varieties, in the spring and summer, the city maintains flower boxes around the street signs. Where in other communities stop signs and sidewalks suffice, in Wyoming the city department of public works has a budget for petunias and pansies and geraniums to prettify otherwise bland street corners.

 Wyoming is a tight-knit community. New homeowners buy not just a house, but a legacy. Someone moves into a house, and the new homeowners quickly learn to describe their residence, not as a street address, but, “Oh yes, we bought the Smith’s house on such-and-such a street.”

 There were basically three camps in town when I was growing up; those who grew up in Wyoming, whose family was part of the community fabric and who would never consider living anywhere else. There were well-compensated doctors, lawyers, and corporate executives; professionals enjoying the prestige and the schools. And finally, those who wanted something better for their children and worked hard to stay financially afloat stretching budgets to afford the high cost of living. This last group may have been deeply in debt, held two or more jobs, lived frugally, or some combination of the three. Today, despite the fact that my husband is a professional engineer and earns a good wage, there is no way my own family could afford to live there without substantial financial assistance.

 The school system has an excellent reputation. Expectations are high, quality services are provided, and creative alternatives are offered. The school system is small, intimate almost, and stable. In the years I attended, graduating classes varied in size from as low as 120 to as high as 180, large enough to provide ample opportunities, but small enough to know all your classmates. Students graduate from high school with the same kids they were with in kindergarten. Teachers teach for a lifetime. Oh sure, there’s some turnover, corporate relocations, financial hardships, personal obligations, but overall change is slow.

Parents work with the schools, the school board and city council coordinate efforts and communicate with the citizenry. As far as I know, no school tax levy has ever been defeated. May Fete, an annual spring carnival, is sponsored and run by the Parents Association as a fundraiser to supplement the school budget. A Boosters club supports the sports programs, and a Music Association supports the music departments. Since we graduated, an Alumni Association was formed, and an independent School Foundation established to provide even more money for the schools. 98% of all graduates go on to college. Whether they graduate college is another question entirely, but the option of not going on to some sort of secondary education is rarely exercised. If you don’t go to college, you join the armed services. Wyoming graduates are expected to become useful members of society and leaders of the future.

 In the 1980s our parents were indulgent. They gave their children every opportunity to learn and succeed. They put us on the front of the technology curve with home computers, Atari, cable when it was new. Not every kid got a car for his or her sixteenth birthday…but it wasn’t unheard of. Designer clothes, cosmetic surgery, winter trips to Disney World, Aspen, Hilton Head, or Sanibel Island were common - as were summer homes in Michigan. Unused season tickets to the Symphony Orchestra, the Pops, or the Playhouse were giveaways, “Here, we can’t use these, you take them.” Money flows in our community.

 My father ran for city council in the late 1970s. Elected on his first bid for office he was a bit of a renegade candidate – he rode a motorcycle. In a community of sedans and station wagons, Camaros, BMWs and Jaguars, a small street bike (Yamaha RD350 – two stroke) was enough edginess to get him remembered and elected. He served for more than twenty years, with re-elections every two years. I was in Middle School when he was first elected. By the time I was a teenager, I was accustomed to police officers stopping by the house to deliver the “Friday Memo,” a sort of state-of-the-city packet for all the councilmembers. I accompanied Dad to the city building for any one of a number of errands – to deliver or pick up paperwork, to talk to the city manager, head of the public works, or a police officer. Dad was involved and worked hard to respond to neighbors’ inquiries and concerns.

 Mother volunteered with the city ambulance squad. Initially trained as an EMT, later she took paramedic training. She first joined when I was in elementary school, and “ran squad” until after I left for college. Although she attended monthly evening meetings and occasional training sessions, she was mostly on call from the house. Actually, she could go anywhere she wanted so long as she didn’t leave the city limits. But when her pager blared, she dropped everything and drove to the police station to pick up the ambulance and respond to the call. If I was with her in the car, she either dropped me off somewhere safe to walk to a friend’s house or home, or I rode with her to the police station. It rarely happened that way. Usually, we were at home, and she yelled, “I’m leaving!” and left. Or, I arrived home from school to an empty house with a note explaining where she was, and what to do about dinner. We got very good at the message system, and I got an early lesson in self-reliance.

 My older brother Tom volunteered with the fire department as a teen. He was part of the “Salvage Squad” - a junior squad of teens who helped out at the firehouse. They responded to calls just like the adult volunteer firefighters, but for the most part took care of equipment and clean up.

 Tom’s bedroom was a clutter of wires and electronics. He rigged up a CB radio, hooked up an intercom system between the kitchen and his bedroom. He built models of various sorts, and plugged the local police frequency into his radio scanner to monitor the activity going on in the community. His room was off limits – six years younger, all the wires fascinated me. I don’t remember invading his space, but I probably did. That’s what younger sisters do to annoy their older brothers. Mostly I remember that wires and electronics were a part of home.

 Tom was enthusiastic, and between his radios and scanners following the fire and police channels and Mom’s pager and scanner following the fire and police channels, the house was noisy. It also happened that the fire chief lived next door; and his wife was a city employee. Had there ever been a real disaster, Mom might have responded as part of the Life Squad, Tom with the fire department, and Dad as a city official. It never happened, but demonstrates how deeply I was steeped in the community. Police officers knew me both as Councilman’s and Squadwoman’s daughter. I knew more about the leadership of the city, and how small cities were run, than any twelve year old should know.

 Over the months, years, after Tom left for the west coast (Willamette Valley in Oregon) Mom and Dad removed the various wiring schemes. By the time I was in high school, all those wires and equipment were a fond but distant memory.

 *          *          *

 In 1981 we attended my eldest brother’s May graduation from Wake Forest University in North Carolina. At the other end of summer, in August, Mom and Dad and I drove back from visiting my brother Tom in Western Oregon. We stopped long enough to celebrate my 14th birthday at a family restaurant in Casper, Wyoming. My gift that year was tickets to see a bona fide small town rodeo. Three more days on the road, and we would be home. I was just about to enter high school.

 My brothers were both long gone. Tom left for Oregon two years previous. After a spell of enthusiasm for becoming a firefighter, he later decided he wanted something beyond community college and enrolled at Willamette University. Now firmly ensconced in the culture of Oregon, he was a visitor in my life. My eldest brother Jack had been gone even longer, since 1977. He left home for Wake Forest University when I started fifth grade. I spent my middle school years riding in the back of various cars to shuttle him or his things back and forth to North Carolina. I counted eleven crossings of Paint Creek along the West Virginia turnpike in the late 70s. The year Jack spent abroad, Mom and Dad left Tom and I home for a week while they visited him in Venice. By 1981, Jack was graduated and working in West Berlin in Germany to be near his girlfriend. For me, it was cosmopolitan and exotic to have brothers on opposite sides of the world. I talked to either one of them on the telephone when we called. I wrote letters every once in a while. Prior to e-mail, they were virtual siblings, each only as much a part of my life as I wanted them to be.

 Even though they were gone from my immediate existence, they each cast long shadows. In his own time in high school Jack was active in the drama club. The walls of drama club meeting room were plastered with his images, and indelible memories stuck with his teachers. Tom was equipment manager for the winning football team and other sports. He left memories of his own with teachers.

 But I wasn’t alone in walking in siblings’ shadows. My graduating class was a bit unusual - we were a lot of “youngests.” Our parents had already been through the system at least once, more often twice or more - they were seasoned school participants. They knew the teachers, the administrators, how the system worked. Many teachers taught our older siblings, so we heard, “Oh, another Perrino. And hey, there’s another Savage. Another Ammerman, another Klebanow. How are your folks? How’s Jim or Amy or <name of another older sibling>?” and on and on. There was a comfort in that familiarity…and a danger.

 With familiarity came comfort and with that came friendship, which meant teachers forgave poor behavior, overlooked outbursts, and discipline relaxed. With stories and legends handed down from older siblings, ideas and how-tos were easily copied, and only sometimes stopped. Our parents were tired of parenting, comfortable with their experience with our older siblings, no longer as attentive; busy with aging parents, caught in the middle of two needy generations. With this unique set of circumstances, we teens pushed the envelope, and got away with more than we might have otherwise; later curfews, blind eyes toward the underage drinking.

 Two unique youth organizations complement the usual assortment of activities provided by the local school district. I’ve been gone so many years, I don’t know if they still exist or not. Corral is one. At the time, it was the community’s answer to “What do you do with the teen population to keep them off the streets and off of drugs?” The parent/student group put on dances a couple of times a month. We hired local bands to play, hired DJ’s, showed bad or classic movies like King Kong, Godzilla, Rear Window or The Birds. The movie nights were more successful before the advent of cable television, VCRs, DVDs, and the corner Hollywood or Blockbuster video store. We grew up during the great “Beta vs. VHS” debate. Not every family chose correctly, and there weren’t a whole lot of titles to choose from back then, mostly families recorded what was on cable, and watched at a more convenient time. In the fall, Corral events started after the football game ended, then as the season changed, after the basketball games. Every spring a talent/variety show featured student performances – kids sang, danced, wrote and performed their own comedy sketches, and played instruments.

 Another institution was the “Sub Deb Club.” A high school girls’ sorority, Sub Deb was a self-selecting clique. Was it “cool”? Yes and no. It was similar to a college sorority with more humiliation and much less alcohol. Only loosely supervised by parents of the members, you were invited to join as freshmen, attending “pre-rush” parties. My close and forever friends Valli, Julie and Erin were all enthusiastic, so I went along with it…for a while. Julie’s older sister was active in the organization, and Julie knew some of the older girls. The first few parties were fun – we played silly games to get to know each other and talked about boys and who was popular. After the initial parties, you decided whether or not to rush.

 In order to rush, you needed to hook up with a big sister, a junior or senior member of the club, who was your mentor. The age gap between my brothers and me was large enough that I didn’t know any current students when I entered high school. Not directly anyway. I knew older or younger siblings, or students who were the children of my parent’s friends. Despite participating in Girl Scouts for years, I lacked confidence to ask any of my former troup-mates to be my big sister for Sub Deb. So I was assigned to Beth and Shelley. Friendly, and heavy-set, in the image-conscious anorexic ‘80s they weren’t particularly popular. They participated in flag corps with another friend of mine. Well meaning and sweet, we hit it off, and I enjoyed their company. They welcomed me into their crowd, and I enjoyed the interaction.

 Once rush started, you wore a goofy costume involving a beanie and a tail any time or place outside of school grounds. You were forbidden to wash your hair during rush period (about six weeks) and were required to carry around an unrefrigerated raw egg. Finally, you were required to do whatever a current member asked of you, no matter how outrageous. That’s where I met my downfall.

 On the first day of rush, as soon as I set foot off the high school parking lot property onto the public sidewalk (absolutely no rush activities were allowed on school property) I was ambushed by a particularly vicious upperclassman. “Hey Scum!”

 “What?”

 “Is that how you address a current member of the club?”

 “Sorry, Miss so and so. What can I do for you ma’am?”

 “I want you to kiss Steve Guggenheim.”

 “Oh, no.” I panicked and wanted to cry right then and there. No. How humiliating. He’s my neighbor! He’s a senior! I baby-sat his younger siblings, and I’ve had a crush on him for a year. “No, I’m not going to kiss him.”

 “I’ll have to bring this up to the blackball board. You do know the penalties for disobeying an older member?”

 “Yes Ma’am.” I’ll never live this down, I can’t do this. I’m scared. No amount of personal humiliation is worth a social club. That’s it. I won’t do it anymore.

 I quit that day. I called my big sisters, explained what happened and quit. I would not subject myself to such humiliation.

 To end rush period, on a Saturday morning, pledges stood on street corners in their rush costumes, hair unwashed for so many weeks, a rotten egg kept (and carried with you – except at school) for the duration of rush, and the older members stopped at your corner, ceremonially broke your now rotten egg, and taunted you verbally and poured food products all over you.

 All the endured humiliation was rewarded with the opportunity to attend two additional formal dances per year throughout high school. Homecoming and Prom events were open to all students, but every fall and spring Sub Deb formals were held for members only. Two events per year provided additional opportunities to dress up, rent a limo, go out to eat, and have a special night with your friends or boyfriend. Other social opportunities were offered for members…rush parties in the fall, and usually one event in the summer – a picnic or pool party or some such. The group also performed service projects throughout the year; raking leaves for the elderly, volunteering at the local school for the deaf, collecting for the local food pantry.

 But I quit. My forever friends (Julie, Valli, and Erin) stuck it out, but I couldn’t hack it. My best friends were busy with a social club that I didn’t share, but I did make friends with some very open and supportive upperclassmen. My big sisters understood, and we genuinely liked each other, and they enfolded me into their social world. I waved to them from the bleachers when they performed at football games, and walked to Corral events with them. They were fun company in the lunchroom, and friendly faces in the hallways at school.

 In the winter, they invited me to do a Corral Show act with them. Another girl and I were two of only a handful of freshman in the show that winter - 1982. Ross was stage manager that year, and friendly with the girls in our rag-tag group, mostly juniors, Cynthia and myself, and a foreign exchange student. We performed a skit we called, “If I were not in high school.” Dressed in outlandish costumes we sang simple lyrics while pantomiming for our parents and friends. The audience loved it, and voted us their favorite act, a coveted prize in the friendly competition. We beat out such talent as a nationally recognized young cellist, an enthusiastic acoustic guitar player, several dance groups, and a couple other comedy skits. Not a bad start for a freshman with little experience. And Ross and I began to cross paths more and more frequently.

  +�o�¾