#low level programming nerd lmao

[7bits]

guys i got 100% on my x86 assembly programming course :DD all that effort paid up

[icetigris]

64 of 365

I’ve been doing some research on databases and thinking about how to integrate it what I’ve learned about functional programming, so I’ve looped back to where I started (i.e. very gamedev-oriented reference material) and started refreshing my memory on data-oriented design.

Data-oriented design is an approach to designing software that is informed primarily by the data you have and the hardware for which you’re designing, rather than an abstract design pattern. Basically, instead of focusing on designing code, you design your engine around the data you have and your hardware. In particular, you design around the memory architecture of your hardware platform because memory bandwidth is the Eternal Problem. Cache misses are VERY SLOW VERY BAD.

In a nutshell, the purpose of code is to transform data as efficiently as possible. You pretty much know what data you’re going to have in a game (e.g. textures, meshes, transformation matrices, etc.), so there’s no point in making code that’s so generic to the point of not only uselessness, but also inefficiency. Mike Acton’s talk on the subject is really good and gets into all the details of why generic code is inefficient (e.g. bad cache utilization).

I think this fits with functional programming really nicely because it’s kind of the other side of the equation for keeping state/data separate from code. Since code is for transforming data and should not “own” state/data (like in OOD), you can focus on writing logic for turning data A into data B instead of worrying about what object should contain what state or how reusable that piece of code is. The hardware gives you a guideline (i.e. cache line size) for both organizing data and operating on it so you can waste less time doing “low-information” operations.

Like any approach, it has its tradeoffs. You have to think about how to batch things into cacheline-sized chunks, you have to think about everything at a much lower level (imo that’s cool but not everyone is a fucking hardware nerd like me lmao), and you can’t be “platform-agnostic” (lol), but I think that’s a fair price to pay for the performance you need for things like game engines.

Now, does this mean I’m going to rewrite everything? I mean there isn’t a ton there so not exactly, BUT I’m probably going to rip some chunks out and rearrange a bunch of shit lol.

[life-in-a-labrynth]

Triggered again last night. I was watching an Angry Video Game Nerd about a mario game. And I thought of me and Dawn playing Mario 64 with her niece and nephew. And just this little dumb, should-be-trivial detail of a girlfriend who loves N64 games had triggered me into missing her. To the point where I actually hugged myself and shivered. I might have cried a little.

It’s been brought into sharp relief because I started talking with a new girl, and it seems to be going well. Should be good news, right? But I’m just not sure. It’s mean to say, but she’s kind of basic.

A girl who loves Halloween so much that she’s putting up a Halloween tree, and loves science and dissecting things, and proudly shows off a tattoo she has on a foot with two webbed toes (good sense of humor), and pursued her dream by working for 8 years in the music industry... SHE’S basic?? Get real, Dan.

Sigh. Okay. I’m being unfair. But it’s also true that I get stimulated by having intellectual discussions, and she seems like a lightweight in that regard. I brought up a philosophical point of the ending of Watchmen (lmao this sounds so absurd to write) and she didn’t have much to say on it. I probably shouldn’t have thrown out those 50-cent philosophical concepts on them, which, while I imagine they’re basic to the field, might sound daunting to a layperson.

I would like to have that discussion with her and it’s almost like the professor in me wants to lecture on them. But it’s teh suXX0rz because I had a date with a bitch who ended up ghosting me but she liked Sam Harris and was able to at least begin a conversation...

You know what?? You’re full of shit, Dan. This Kayla girl, you’re putting her on a pedestal because she’s beautiful. She was also kind of vague and dumb about her major.

“Oh, you’re studying medical ethics? That sounds fascinating. What does it entail?”

“Literally everything!”

“...okay...”

THAT’s the example you want to give? Bullshit. She was gorgeous and had a pretty smile so anything she does is enhanced.

Sigh. Okay. And that’s maybe similar to Mary, but this Laura (new girl), I mean, she DOES seem basic in contrast. Mary went to fucking SCOTLAND to study, and worked for the goddamn BBC. Also worked for Hopkins; sure, she was put into a demeaning position of being a social media coordinator at that job, but still!

I don’t know. What if the only reason I felt more enticed by Mary and Kayla was because they were better looking? And I’m SUCH an asshole, but Laura sent me a picture last night in which she looked fat. I haven’t seen her IRL yet. I’ll be disappointed if she’s fat. Her pictures make her look average weight (with nice slender legs, at least from what I could see), but if she’s a short little plump thing, just, ugh. I’d feel like an asshole hinting that I’d want her to lose weight. Maybe I could get us to work out together.

And I guess I was also disappointed that I sent her the headline about QAnon believing dumb shit, and the funny Facebook moderator shit about them believing conspiracy theories, and I feel like it should have sparked a larger discussion.

We also talked on the phone for 4 hours. Which was nice, but... we never got into any deep subjects. And they should come up naturally with someone who’s an intellectual match for me. So, none of that, and at least a couple occasions where I sorta prompted her to get deeper.

Sigh. So, I don’t know if I’m really feeling it. I feel like a jerk. But then I tell myself, she’s only 28. She’s fascinated by psychology. She seems like she’s into interesting subjects in general. What was I like, 8 years ago? Would I have been any better? And look at me today.

So, maybe with some influence, she could become more intellectual. She said she likes reading non-fiction subjects in general. She’s in a nursing program, and is all about her physiology and anatomy 2 class. So, that’s pretty cool! I love a girl who loves science.

So it now becomes this tightrope walk where I don’t want to be too judgmental of her, but I also have high standards, and don’t want to settle. I’m 36 years old! I can’t keep fucking around. I can’t date a person and hope they’ll grow into the person I’d love.

Like, to use another absurd-sounding but salient example, she said that the Joker and/or Batman were a lot like Rorschach. And I questioned that or asked her to elaborate and she backed off of it, like she didn’t really think it through. But NOW I sound like Dawn, demanding that she have put a lot of thought into an assertion when she might have just been blowing smoke off the top of her head. She said they were all like anti-heroes so I guess that’s something, but maybe just surface deep.

I need to be careful that I don’t turn into a judgmental bully like Dawn.

Okay, okay, hang on, alright, wait, so let me just think here. I had something else I wanted to say. Fuck. Now it’s gone. Let me re-read.

I mean, couldn’t I have made an assertion like that, and gotten a different point-of-view from Dawn, and reconsidered it? So, what’s wrong with THAT? What’s wrong with saying something a little superficial because you’re just saying random thoughts out loud? It’s not like she was writing a fucking essay.

But then there was also when we talked about the Joker movie and I made some points about it and she just sorta said “I need to watch it again!” without really engaging with what I said. Meh. But she DID write a whole essay on it. Maybe that’s more thoughtful and intelligent. Or maybe it’s bullshit. Who knows.

I just kind of want to date another high IQ person. Oh, now I remember. Was Dawn REALLY that?? You were JUST fantasizing, again, for the thousandth time, about chewing her out. How she browbeat you by saying you were insensitive, then itemizing the ways she said WAAAYYYY more hurtful things. Tenfold. And what an idiot she must be to accuse ME of being insensitive.

See there, Dan? She was dumb, too. But in a much more hurtful, abusive way. So you want to sit there and judge Laura of not being super-smart about politics (also someone who’s EIGHT YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU and has time to grow), while Dawn, if she had kindness and grace in her heart, would be more understanding, and mellow out, and not have such a dark, low opinion of herself that she needs to lash out at me?

It’s valid that Dawn was insecure when I said “god I was single through so much of my 20s, I wish I had had a way to meet more women” (TOTALLY FUCKING INNOCUOUS, ESPECIALLY IN CONTRAST TO WHAT SHE SAID TO ME!!!). It’s valid she was insecure about that, and I would have been happy to discuss it and reassure her and tell her how much I loved her and how she was my dream girl and if it meant that fate brought me to meet her, I wouldn’t have changed a thing, because I was just so fucking crazy about her and couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else, which was all 100%, the capital-T Truth.

But no. She took a tiny frame and put it into a projector and aimed it at a wall and said “gosh Dan now do you see what a dumb, hurtful thing you said? This clearly means you’re some huge dumbass, so oblivious, I can’t believe I’m even dating someone who doesn’t meet my standards.”

THAT. That, Dan. Hold onto that true thought. Isn’t it waayyyy better to date someone who EIGHT YEARS my junior isn’t as thoughtful as me? Who doesn’t operate on high-octane levels of intellectual discussion?

Bah. The point is, as always, for a fucking year and four months, that I NEED TO STOP PUTTING DAWN ON A PEDESTAL!!! Please, for the love of god, get over her.

Sigh. Okay, I just needed to get that out. And how it’s kind of a bummer that I’m triggered at least once a week into missing her and feeling depressed over it. Always over old video games. Final Fantasy, Mario, Pokemon. What in god’s name is the allure of this?

Whatever. I’m done. Soy-ya!