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sea-dukes-assistant · 3 years

Text

As Per My Last E-Mail...

Re-work of scenes from "Misadventure," in which I make my first actual appearance and quickly have disdain for CDR Parker.

@writer-in-the-dark-blog

Prince Philip's POV

"I am going to miss you. Come back to bed." It's difficult to not get hard when she gives orders like that.

"No I can't darling I've got 20 start jumps to do," I explain.

"You can do them here." Hints dropping like bombs this morning.

"Can I? Oh why not..."

I've only just sat on the bed and the bloody staff barge in with breakfast.

“Out! Get out!”

“No, thank you!”

“Gentlemen,” the lead footman says, promptly herding the rest out of the room.

“Christ,” I sigh, laying back on my bed, “it’s like having bloody grown adults as kids!”

Elizabeth giggled. Apparently my irritation is amusing.

“Well, you’re not one to judge; one of those ‘adult kids’ works for you.”

“Yes but he knows when to fuck off!” I hastily remove my clothes and get back into bed, getting as obnoxiously close to my wife as possible.

“Speaking of which, are you going to bring him on your tour with you?” She smirks at me.

“Why do you ask? Do you want him?” I ask, with mocking skepticism.

She giggles again. “No Philip, he’d likely get so bored he’d drink all the wine and enlist the staff into having a cardboard boat regatta in the swimming pool.”

“D’you know that’s not a bad idea? Anyway, yes, he’s coming along; he’s my fucking assistant after all.”

“Oh good.”

“Won’t be the same though, you know.”

“And why is that?”

“Well, while there’s a berth to moor the ship,” I pause long enough to caress her knorks, “there aren’t any, um, navigational buoys.”

More giggling. “Can’t you have him wear coconut halves?”

“Now look here,” I say in mock indignation, “I thought you wanted some Royal Navy dick and here you are talking about Devin wearing a bloody coconut bra.” I admit the imagery is hilarious and I try to keep a straight face. “I’m bloody losing my erection this is most inconvenient.”

“I’m sorry, Philip,” she says between giggles, “how can we get it back?”

“I’m sure a bit of…oral persuasion would do the trick,” I reply with a wink.

“Oh you are terrible.” She smiles at me, then disappears under the covers.

------------------------- My POV

What does she need the see me for? Did I overstep somehow? Am I gonna be chewed out? I'm not even important around here; I've only just recently been given my own office (it's small, but it counts, dammit, and it upsets her equerry which makes it all the better). So many thoughts running through my head, and I try to calm myself before I open my mouth.

After taking a deep breath, and clearing my throat out of habit, I knock three times (one of many mannerisms the Navy has ingrained into my head) on her open bedroom door. "You asked to see me, ma'am."

"Ah yes," she confirms cheerfully, holding a video camera, "I wanted to leave this letter, and this gift, somewhere the Duke of Edinburgh might find it, preferably on the airplane, and I thought perhaps in his luggage." She puts the camera in its case.

"That travels separately, ma'am," I explain. "I'd suggest putting it inside his briefcase."

"Yes of course, just...let me know when the coast is clear."

"Actually now is a good time. He has an appointment with his tailor, and then his lunch club with CDR Parker."

"Yes, it's Thursday. Of course." She doesn't sound thrilled, but I don't ask why. It's not my business.

------------------------- My POV

I make every attempt to stay out of the way and not attract attention to myself while boarding the plane, which is made difficult not only due to the amount of people currently bustling around but also DAMN THIS IS A NICE ASS PLANE. Suddenly, the pride I'd felt when Delta upgraded me due to flying in uniform seems insignificant. After getting myself sorted regarding sleeping space and what little carry-on luggage I had, I head back in the direction I came to find a good spot to sit. I stumble upon what is arguably the most awkward goodbye scene I have ever seen in my life; the Queen doesn't seem the least bit upset that her husband's leaving for five months, and he looks confused as fuck as to why she isn't. I know they dealt with this when he was in the Navy, but it's...it's not the type of thing you can just say "ok bye see you when you get back."

"Right, well...we-we won't keep you," she gives him a quick, almost chaste peck on the cheek. "Have a safe journey." There's no emotion in her words or on her face, and she very quickly turns around and deplanes. Sir stands there a few minutes, looking rather dejected in my opinion, and I feel a pang of second hand sadness and embarrassment. I say nothing though.

"You alright?" CDR Parker, his private secretary, asks.

"Splendid," Sir answers as he takes a seat.

Bullshit.

"I tell you, the idiot who came up with the idea of marriage has a lot to answer for," CDR Parker sighs as he pours himself a drink.

Sir seems visibly distressed, looking out the windows for his wife. He's making ME need a drink.

"But, you know what they say," Parker drones on as if anyone is even listening to him, "marriage is a wonderful instituion but let's face it, who wants to live in an institution?"

I let out a quiet, but angry, snort at his remarks and, now that the path is clear, pour a drink myself before settling into one of these seats opposite the aisle of Prince Philip. I glare at CDR Parker as I take the first sip, then decide to ignore him because I can't trust myself to keep my mouth shut. This trip hasn't even started and I already can't stand him.

PLANE OUTFIT! Because @zemmful wants MOAR FASHUN.

#Devin's shit fanfiction #if The Crown were accurate #working for Sea Duke #pls to shut up Mike

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