#made myself hate this by staring at it too long but thanks ily xx

[wholesomemendes]

I have a request, if you’re taking them atm! Tour is still going and Alessia is still the opening act, so Shawn, Brian, Connor, Alessia, Olivia, and Y/N hang out in their gang just having fun, being their goofy selves. Brian and Connor know about Shawn liking Y/N and Alessia and Liv know about Y/n liking Shawn. They set them up and go form there? Ily and your stories and make sure you’re staying safe! xx

Author’s Note: I am so sorry this took so long, I’ve been working on it for way too long! But this is 4.7k of personal assistant fluff and I hope you enjoy it! As always please reblog and tell me what you think!

“Thank you, Glasgow!” Screams echoed out from every corner, energy bouncing off the walls as Alessia ended her set and ran off the stage. You and Liv sprinted your way backstage from where you were watching her on the side, maneuvering through all of the backstage crew in order to reach Alessia before her after show high had calmed down. Upon spotting the two of you, a wide smile formed on her face and she began running in your direction to meet you halfway. 

“That. Was. Incredible!” you screamed as she wrapped you both in a bone crushing hug.

“I know right! The crowd is so loud, I can’t even imagine what they’ll be like for Shawn,” Alessia replied with a smile, still trying to catch her breath from her performance.

“Don’t sell yourself short, they’ll probably be quieter for him. Man's looks can only take him so far.”

The two girls laughed at your light hearted joke before Liv piped up, “Better watch it Y/n, just cause you’re his assistant doesn’t mean he’s gonna give you a free pass at hurting his ego.”

“Nah, he knows I adore him, probably give him too much praise. Gotta make sure I don’t blow up his head too big,” you teased, joining in the girls giggles, “Speaking of Shawn, I better go find him before he goes out. I’m kinda slacking at my job right now.”

“Go, go, can’t leave your lover boy hanging,” Alessia lightly pushed you in the direction of his dressing room, knowing you hated when the girls teased you about your not so secret crush on your boss.

“I hate you!”

“I love you too!”

________________

“Does anyone know where Y/n is? She's usually back here by now...” Shawn was pacing around his dressing room anxiously while poor Tiff was attempting to put on the final touches of his outfit.

“I bet she’s on her way here right now, Alessia’s set just ended,” she tried to console him, “Now stand still and let me do my job.”

“I’m sorry I’m just worried, I haven’t seen her much today and I’m worried she’s not coming back here before I go on.”

“Shawn, she always comes back...” Tiff was interrupted by two short knocks on the door and your beautiful voice soothing the poor boy’s worries, “Shawn, can I come in?”

He didn’t even bother answering, instead choosing to rip the door open and pull you into his embrace, burying his face into your shoulder, “I thought you weren’t gonna come back.”

“What are you talking about, big guy? I always check up on you,” you giggled at his antics, feeling his breath slowly even out as he breathed in your signature scent. 

He pulled his face out from your shirt to look at you, the panic in them still evident, “You’re usually back here by now and I don’t know, I haven’t seen you much today and I was worried and...”

“Hey rockstar, deep breaths,” you smiled up at him with the loving gaze that was reserved just for him and took his face in your hands, relishing in the way he leaned into your touch, “I’m always gonna check on you before your show. It’s tradition...and my job but that’s a completely different topic. Besides, the reason you haven’t seen me around today is because I’ve been busy taking care of all the necessary business surrounding a certain pop star.” You poked his chest at your last sentence, earning a sincere chuckle to escape his lips for the first time in a few hours. 

The moment was interrupted by Tiff tapping Shawn’s shoulder lightly, “I hate to break this up, but you need to get dressed.”

Pushing Shawn away towards Tiff, you took a seat on the couch of the dressing room, watching as he covered up his muscular arms with an unbuttoned, army green short-sleeve shirt. You would be lying if you said you weren’t enjoying the view of him in a white wife-beater tank, but you knew it would make an appearance again mid way through the show tonight. You made yourself busy by looking through your twitter feed, liking some of the posts from Shawn’s fans about the concert tonight. “Finished!” Tiff exclaimed excitedly, brushing out the fabric on his shoulders as Shawn fiddled with the array of rings on his fingers.

He tilted his head to look at you through his eyelashes, a smirk forming on his face when he saw your eyes do a quick glance up and down his body. Turning his head back to look at his hands, he prayed you couldn’t see the blush forming on his face from your looks as you were the only person that had that effect on him. He got thousands of compliments from beautiful girls every day, but they never meant as much to him as they did when you said them. It seemed painfully obvious to everyone around him that he was crushing hard on you, well at least that’s what the guys made it seem like. In reality, only Brian and Conner knew after they confronted a drunk Shawn one night who immediately spilled his feelings. That’s the issue with drunk Shawn, he was very, very emotional. Not in a bad way, unless you count sharing everything you feel towards your personal assistant before even she knows bad. 

“Shawn, did you remember to take your medicine?” you asked softly as Tiff left the room, meeting his eyes while he walked closer to where you were seated on the couch. You knew he hated other people knowing about his medication even if it wasn’t serious, he just didn’t feel the need to let people know. So even though you made it a point to remind him just in case he happened to forget, you always made sure to do it in privacy with the most gentle voice.

He cleared his throat, scratching nervously behind his neck, “I, um...I’m actually not taking it tonight.” This medicine wasn’t extreme by any means, it simply slowed his heart rate down so he could be calm on stage with his anxiety. But nevertheless it was medicine and for him to simply not take it tonight was a big deal whether he acted like it was or not.

Your eyes went wide, staring up at him where he had made his way between your legs on the couch as he fiddled with his fingers, refusing to meet your eyes. “Oh...that-that’s great, Shawn. Wh-Why aren’t you taking it?”

He sighed, making his way to sit next to you and laid down with his head in your lap. You carded your fingers through his long curls, trying your hardest to make sure you’d be able to easily style them again before he went on. “I don’t want to rely on medicine anymore. I get it’s not that big of a deal and a lot of artists use this type, but I don’t want to feel like I can’t perform without it. I need to do this for myself, to get over this. I talked to Andrew and Jocelyne before I made the decision, but I had already made up my mind.” A quiet moan escaped his plush lips when you lightly massaged a spot on his head as you listened intently, wishing nothing more than to take all his pain away.

“I’m proud of you,” he turned his head to look up at you as you spoke, hand coming to rest on his cheek that was once in his curls, “I really am.”

He placed his large hand over yours, lightly kissing the inside of your palm, “Thank you, it means a lot coming from you.” Your heart swelled three sizes at his words and the look in his eyes was indescribable. Deep down in your heart wanted to believe it was love, but the rational part of your brain quickly dismissed the thoughts. “Hey, I, um, I’ve wanted to talk to you abou-” “Shawn! You’re on in 15!” One of the backstage crew followed by three sharp knocks interrupted Shawn’s thoughts and he stood up with a huff, heading towards the mirror to fix his hair before turning towards the door. “You coming?”

“Of course.” You followed him out the door where he proceeded to wrap his arm around your shoulders, pressing you closer to him as you walked.

“Good, need you close tonight. Got a lot more nerves this time around.”

________________

“I can do this, I can do this, I can do this,” Shawn mumbled to himself as the two of you were sitting under the stage. You could practically feel the waves of anxiety rolling off of him while you waited for his cue to run up those stairs. “I can do this, I can do this, I can…”

“Shawn, look at me,” you took his face into your small hands, cupping his cheeks with your palms as he stared back at you with wide doe-like eyes. It didn’t matter if it was almost pitch black under there, you could see the fear inside of those eyes that usually held so much joy. “You’re going to kill it out there rockstar and you don’t need any medicine to do that.” He leaned into your touch, hanging onto every last word you were saying. “That medicine isn’t what makes you a performer, it’s what’s in here-” you released one hand from his face to poke at his racing heart beneath his chest “-that gives you talent. You’re Shawn Mendes and if that doesn’t do it for you, I don’t know what will. Because the Shawn I know is the most talented, caring, and heartfelt man I’ve ever met, and to say I was him would be the biggest honor.” You could see his tears threatening to fall out of his eyes at your words, causing you to reach up and brush them away, “Now there’s an arena filled with people who love every single inch of you, so go out there and show them what you got.” 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he sighed, heart feeling lighter than it ever has. He swore you must be a witch because of the magic you had over him, but his brain told him it was the grip you had on his heart that allowed you to have this effect on him. 

“Good thing you’ll never have to.” With that he blew you a kiss, running up the stairs to be met with the deafening screams of thousands of fans.

________________

The screaming was insane as Shawn bounded off the stage, energy coursing through his veins. Alessia and Liv stood by your side, surrounded by people on your left and right all waiting to congratulate Shawn. Connor ran behind him, capturing the moment before clapping Shawn on the shoulder, yelling something about how amazing the crowd was over their screams. Suddenly, Shawn’s eyes locked with yours, his smile somehow growing wider as he made his way towards you. His face faltered for a moment when Andrew and some of the backstage members surrounded him, congratulating him on the show while his eyes fought to stay on you. He thanked them all profusely, trying his best to focus on them instead of where you were standing next to some of his best friends.

Once he got through the rest of the crew, he made his way over to you, letting out a sigh of relief when his arms were finally wrapped around you and his head was rested in the crook of your neck. “I did it,” he mumbled into your neck, “I did the show without it.”

Your heart was filled with so much pride and excitement for him that your eyes started to well up with tears while you squeezed your arms tighter around him, “I always knew you could do it. I’m so so proud of you, Shawn.” 

“I couldn’t do it without you.” He squeezed your body one last time before Brian was clapping him on the shoulder, turning his attention away from you. Shawn gave a final hug to Alessia and Liv, although it was much shorter and less intimate than the one he gave you, then followed Andrew’s orders to meet with some fans that were backstage. You followed behind him, handing him a water bottle when he began to cough, knowing that after every show his voice typically became extremely raw. He blew you one of his famous kisses as a thank you, causing your cheeks to heat up much to your dismay. Alessia was long gone, having gone back to her dressing room, and you were incredibly thankful that there was no one around to tease you about your inappropriate crush on your boss. Once pictures were done you followed Shawn back to his own dressing room, ready to go sleep the night away in your hotel room.

“That show was ecstatic! I don’t know if it’s just because I didn’t take my medicine, but the energy just felt so good!” Shawn was smiling from ear to ear as he pulled his sweat-filled tank top over his head, throwing it on the floor for you to inevitably pick up even if he didn’t intend for you to do so. 

“No, that crowd was definitely off the walls. Alessia said the same thing when she came off,” you told him, making your way to sit on the couch. 

“I’m just gonna take a quick shower and then we can head out.”

“Sounds like a plan. I can only imagine you’re excited to get back to the hotel, bet tonight’s show was more tiring than usual.”

“We’re not going back to the hotel,” he turned to you with a confused look on his face, bare chest on full display making your heart flutter, “Didn’t Alessia or Liv tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“You know what they probably just thought I’d tell you. Brian, Connor, Alessia, Liv, and the two of us are going exploring. We don’t have another show for like two days or something…”

“Three days.”

“You know what I meant, but that means we have time to explore tonight and rest tomorrow.”

“Don’t you just want to go to sleep?” 

Shawn strolled over to where you were sitting, leaning over you to place his hands on the couch behind you. His face was inches from yours and you couldn’t help the flush that came over your cheeks from his bare skin being in such close proximity. “Sleep can wait. Now you-” he tapped the tip of your nose- “are going to find one of my sweatshirts in my bags because there’s no way you’re going out in that you’ll freeze, and I’m going to shower. Then we’re going to go exploring with our friends because sleep is for the week and we’re not weak.”

“You say that now, but your exhaustion tomorrow will say differently,” you called out as he pushed himself off the couch to head towards the shower.

“Good thing I have someone that will let me sleep on their lap during the bus ride!” You let out a huff of air, rolling your eyes even though he couldn’t see from where he was already in the bathroom. Making your way over to his bags, you began packing up his clothes from earlier along with the miscellaneous objects that were strewn around the room.  You followed his request from earlier, grabbing his youth hoodie that you loved so much and throwing it over your light sweater for the arena. Immediately your body was filled with warmth, it truly was one of his warmest sweatshirts, and your nose was filled with his scent, not helping your racing heart. The night had barely started, but you had a feeling that your emotions were going to get you in trouble later on.

________________

“There is no way you can eat that entire churro in one bite, I refuse to believe it.” The six of you had only been out about 15 minutes before Brian decided he was already hungry and needed one of the churros from the stand just outside of the hotel. It had been decided that you would stop at the hotel with the rest of the crew to drop everything off before you would be able to explore around the city, which still wasn’t completely accepted by Andrew. 

“Oh really? Bring it on Baby Brash, how much are we betting?” Brian countered, the foot long churro already paid for and in his hand.

“Two dollars.”

“Ten.”

“Five.”

“Deal.” 

“You don’t think he’s really gonna do it, do you?” you whispered to Shawn, not wanting Brian to hear you and force you to join the bet.

“I don’t know, five dollars is five dollars. Brian’s not gonna give up that easily,” he whispered back, hands in his pockets as he watched Brian aggressively eat the poor churro. 

Two minutes later, Brian was five dollars richer and your small group was admiring the architecture of the city. You had taken more candid photos than you could count, with a new selfie of you and Shawn as your lock screen, a result of him hacking into your phone claiming this picture of you with both of your tongues out and cheeks squished together was the best photo the two of you had. Now you, Alessia, and Liv were currently sitting on the grass, watching as the boys attempted to climb up a structure on a playground they found. As they say, boys will be boys and even if they were all considered adults now, they were still boys through and through. “So when are you going to tell him you’re in love with him?” 

“What?!” you asked, eyes wide as you turned to Alessia, “What-what are you talking about?”

“Come on, you act like we don’t know about your crush on Shawn. You’ve literally told us before.”

“First of all, yes I have a crush on him, but I’m not in love with him! That’s crazy. And two, he’s my boss and he’s never going to know.” 

“Honey, have you seen the way you look at him? You’re in love, stop lying to yourself,” Liv reasoned, Alessia nodding her head in agreement next to her, “And also who cares if he’s your boss? The two of you practically act like a couple half the time, he probably feels the same way.”

“But you don’t know that,” you whined, throwing your head back in frustration, “He’s so kind to everyone, that’s just how he is.”

“You know he acts differently around you, he doesn’t do half the things he does with you around the rest of his friends,” Alessia tried to convince you, but you weren’t having it.

“No he doesn’t, you guys are just trying to convince yourself that my feelings aren’t one sided.”

“Whatever you say,” Liv rolled her eyes playfully at you, earning a light swat in the shoulder from you as you laughed.

________________

“When are you gonna tell her you’re in love with her?” Meanwhile, the three boys had successfully climbed to the top of the structure and were having their own soul discovering conversation.

“Bro, what are you talking about?” Shawn stuttered, staring at Brian who was smirking in his direction.

“You know, Y/n? The girl you’re literally drooling over and get hearts in your eyes anytime you look at her?” 

Shawn’s cheeks began to heat up immediately, his head dropping to hide his lovesick smile, “I don’t get heart eyes.”

“Yeah you do, man, I’m surprised she hasn’t said anything about how in love you are with her,” Connor chimed in, causing Shawn’s face to heat up even more.

“I like her, I obviously do, but I’m not in love with her. She’s one of my best friends, I’m not going to risk that to tell her about a silly little crush.”

“It’s obviously not a silly little crush if you act like a lovesick puppy around her.”

“I don’t act like a lovesick puppy around her!”

“Yeah, you do,” Connor snorted, trying to hide it with a cough.

“See, even Baby Brash sees it and he wouldn’t know love if it hit him in the face.”

Connor turned towards Brian, mouth wide open, “Hey, I know love.”

“Oh yeah?” Brian challenged, raising one of his eyebrows, “When was the last time you were in love?”

Connor stayed quiet, refusing to make eye contact with anything but the ground as he bit his lip in denial. “That’s what I thought, now Shawn you need to make a move!” 

“No,” Shawn shook his head, refusing to acknowledge his brain that was screaming love, “I’m not in love.” 

“Whatever you say.”

________________

“Ok everyone know the rules?” 

“What rules? It’s just first duo to get to the gazebo first wins,” you argued, watching as Connor shrugged his shoulders innocently. Currently you were on Shawn’s back as he held you like you weighed a feather, which you knew was far from the truth. Alessia was waiting to get on Brian’s back while Liv and Connor stood on the side, ready to run alongside the two pairs to judge who reached it first. You were convinced that with Shawn’s long legs you would win, but Brian was the one to suggest the race and he was talking a lot of smack. 

“If you know the rules so well then we should just start,” Liv pointed out, shooting a knowing look at Alessia as she jumped onto Brian’s back.

“Everyone ready? Three...Two...One...Go!” You squealed as Shawn took off with you holding on for dear life, laughing as he used his long leds to get an advantage. He laughed when you held on tighter, burying your face in his neck and fearing that he was going to drop you. You could hear the faint voices of Brian and Alessia behind you, convincing you that Shawn was well in the lead as the gazebo was only a few more feet in front of you. 

“We won!” he exclaimed breathlessly, releasing his grasp on your legs to let you slide off his back.

“Take that...Brian?” your voice trailed off as you looked around, not seeing the rest of your friends anywhere in sight. The two of you couldn’t even make out their figures in the area you left them, leaving the two of you more confused than ever, “Where... where did they go?”

“I don’t know, I swore they were right behind us…” Shawn reached into his pocket, silently cursing his friends when he saw the text from Brian on his screen:

Go get ‘em loverboy;)

“I think they left us here,” he sighed, leaning against the railing of the gazebo.

“Why would they do that?”

“Beats me.” You turned to face him and with the moonlight reflecting on your face, he swore you had never looked more angelic. 

“So what are we supposed to do? Call them, wait for them?” You shivered a bit when the wind began to pick up, Shawn immediately going into what one could only call protective boyfriend mode even if he had never admitted his feelings to you. 

“Come here, you’re cold.” He opened his arms up to you and you immediately cuddled into his warmth, the man was a walking heating furnace.

“How are you always so warm?” you mumbled into his sweatshirt as he rubbed circles onto your back.

“Don’t know, but it sure comes in handy when someone is always cold.” You nodded against his chest and he prayed that you couldn’t hear how loud his heart was beating from you being so close to him, “What do you say we just walk around for a bit and if we don’t see them, we just head back to the hotel?” Not knowing what else to do you agreed, unwillingly peeling yourself away from his warmth and taking his outstretched hand in yours. His large hand engulfed yours, but you couldn’t help thinking about how natural it felt to have his hand in yours. The two of you walked around for what felt like hours through the city, laughing and smiling so much that your cheeks were beginning to hurt. 

As the two of you began to head towards the hotel, you stumbled upon an older woman and who you assumed was her husband taking a nighttime stroll along the street you were on. “You two make such a cute couple!” The older lady gushed as you got closer to the two of them, “Do you remember when that was us, Hank?”

“Of course I do, honey,” the man responded, “I still love you just as much as I did back then. Don’t lose that you two.”

The two of you blushed, bashful smiles on your faces at the couples words. “Thank you,” Shawn spoke up, sending a kind smile to the elderly pair, “We promise we won’t.”

“Good, good. Have a nice night!” 

“You too!” You both called out, sending a friendly wave in their direction as they walked away. You both walked in silence for a couple minutes processing their words, you biting your lip as your nerves bubbled in your chest, “Do we really look like a couple?”

Shawn stopped walking, pulling you with him so your chest was facing his. “I mean, sometimes we kinda act like one,” he told you sincerely, eyes dropping down to his feet as he scratched the back of his neck nervously.

“Have you ever thought about it?” you asked quietly, your brain screaming at you for your foolishness while your heart beated proudly.

“About what? Us as a couple?”

“Yeah.”

“You want my honest answer?” He looked you in the eyes, grabbing both of your hands and squeezing them lightly while you nodded, fear pooling in your eyes, “All the time.”

“You do?”

“How could I not?” he chuckled , lifting one of your hands to rest over his beating heart, “You feel how fast you make my heart beat? You’re the only one it does that for.”

You lifted his free hand to place over your own heart, letting him feel the rapid tempo, “Mine does the same for you, it always has.”

“Do you want to try this…this us? Our friends tell us we act like a couple anyways?” 

You bit your lip slightly, a playful smirk on your face as you looked up at him through your lashes, “Shawn Mendes...are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”

“Maybe,” he teased, hands coming to rest on your hips while yours came to his chest, “If I was, what would your answer be?”

“I don’t know, I’d have to ask my boss if he’s ok with me dating a coworker. So what does he say?”

“He says yes for sure.”

“Then it’s a yes from me.” Shawn wasted no time connecting your lips to his, pulling your body closer to his to eliminate any more space. No amount of dreaming could have prepared you for how his lips felt on yours, they were so soft and your whole body felt aflame from the passion he was putting into the kiss. You sighed when you felt his tongue swipe ever so gently against your bottom lip, immediately opening your mouth earning a moan of satisfaction from him when his tongue finally met yours. You were so consumed by him you weren’t even worried about how paparazzi could be nearby or if a fan saw you and took a picture, all you could think about was Shawn, Shawn, Shawn. 

“I’m in love with you,” he mumbled between kisses, not wanting to part from your lips for even a second, “I’ve been in love with you so long I can’t remember not loving you.”

“I’ve always loved you too, Shawn. I’ve dreamed about this moment for so long.”

“Glad to know I’m not the only one that’s dreamed about you,” and as he continued to kiss you in the middle of the city, the moon shined down on the scene, the stars admiring the love that was only set to grow.

[wintersxsoul]

You Saw Me (11)

Summary: You have the life you’d always dreamt of. The job of your dreams, the perfect boyfriend and the best group of friends. But what happens when that life is not enough and your soulmate is not who you thought it would be?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst and a bit of fluff maybe??

A/N: My lovely @all1e23 is the beta for this series so give her some love because she has to put up with my infinite bullshit because my brain was fried. A reblog and comment are always appreciated and what feeds my soul to keep writing. I hope you enjoy this as much as I am. Taglist is CLOSED. Special thanks to my lovely @writingsoftheloser for the support she always shows me and for fixing my grammar mistakes. I love you clown kbfjshf

“It’s been almost a week, what are you going to do?” Samara handed you a cup of hot coffee and sat next to you on the couch. For years, you made yourself believe you were happy, that you loved all the aspects of your life but now, you saw it as it was, a blatant lie.

You had amazing friends and an amazing relationship full of love and respect, but inside you, everything was slowly crumpling. You hated your job, you hated teaching and it was starting to show the last couple of months. You needed a change, you wanted to change and after a long conversation with Samara, you knew what you had to do.

“You kicking me out?” You looked at her from the corner of your eyes and smirked, bringing the cup close to your mouth to take a sip.

“I’d ask you to move in before kicking you out, you know that.” You elbowed her jokingly and crossed your legs, getting comfortable for the talk you knew you were going to have.

“For starters, I’ll quit. I’m done teaching. I want to work in a museum.” You nodded to yourself, reassuringly. This was a good idea, it’s what you’d always wanted. “Then I’m probably going to lock myself up in my apartment cause I don’t wanna face Bucky…”

“Quitting your job is easier for you than facing some dude?” You clicked your tongue and rolled your eyes, everything seemed easier when speaking to Samara, but you knew it wasn’t.

“Mara, you know I haven’t even checked my tattoo yet, you really think it’s gonna be easy facing him?” She set her mug on the coffee table and stood up, stretching out her hand for you to take it. She lead the way to the guest room, where you were staying, and made you sit on the bed. She brought from the bathroom the full length mirror and placed it in front of you, forcing you to look at the reflection.

“Where is Bucky’s tattoo?” You gulped, afraid. You knew there was no turning back now, but at least you wouldn’t be completely alone.

“On his shoulder blade. The right one I think, I don’t remember quite well...” Yes, you did. You have that image burned into your memory, the softness of his skin and how it felt to touch the tattoo.

“Take your shirt off then and with this, whenever you are ready, search it.” She handed you a small mirror and squeezed your shoulder reassuringly. “I’ll be outside if you need me.”

You grabbed her wrist before she could turn to leave and with fearful eyes, you asked her to stay with you. Samara nodded and sat next to you, placing her hand on your back, tracing circles with her palm to soothe you.

“You can do this, Y/n. I’m here with you.” You nodded and lifted your shirt, trying to avoid looking at your body for too long. You turned around so your back was facing the mirror, and with trembling hands you lifted the small mirror and checked your back.

“Oh God…” You gasped when you saw the white numbers, finally everything feeling real, palpable. You sized it up, trying to reach with your fingers to touch it, scared it would fade away.

“It’s real. Mara, it’s real.” You started to laugh nervously covering your mouth with your hands, but laughter turned fastly into quiet sobs, the tears blurring your vision.

“Hey, hey. Come here, I’m here.” She hugged you, running her palms up and down your bare arms, calming you a bit.

“What the fuck is going on?” You murmured to yourself, since your reaction seemed odd even to you. You wiped your tears angrily and straightened your back. You grabbed the mirror again and looked at the mark more focused on it.

“The date is not the same.” You frowned and looked at Mara, who was as stunned as you with the revelation.

“What do you mean it’s not the same? It has to be.” You shook your head and said no repeatedly.

“His date is 17th of October, 2010. Mine is 8th of April, 2019.” Mara was telling you something, you knew because you saw her lips moving, but you couldn’t hear nor speak, you couldn’t even move. The thoughts running wild through your mind, clouding all your senses.

“I need to call him. I need to call him, now.” You stood up and went to the living room to get your phone, the panic you were experiencing was evident when you moved.  

Jake looked at you and immediately knew something was off, and after trying and failing to get you to say what was wrong Mara explained it to him. You couldn’t find your phone anywhere around, so that gave Jake the time to think what to say to calm you.

“I need to call him, something’s wrong. I need to call him.” Jake stopped you to sit you on the couch, making breathing exercises with you.

“Easy there, peaches. You feeling better?” You nodded and rested your head on his chest. Samara left your shirt on your lap and went to prepare a linden infusion for you and also give Jake a chance to help you out.

“What am I supposed to do now?” You sniffed and put your shirt back on, wiping your tears and snot with your sleeve. Gross, but who cares? You said to yourself.

“Peaches, you are not supposed to do anything. You do what you want and feel like doing. Always.” Jake was always the heart of the relationship, leaving logic behind when it came to feelings but you just couldn’t. You needed to understand everything and have everything under control, and this was escaping you.

“What if he is not the one? That could explain the dates, right?” Jake could see the panic in your eyes, he knew you too well to know what was going on in your head.

“Y/n, stop trying to analyze logically this situation, because you won’t be able to.” You sighed and rubbed your eyes with the back of your hands, trying to stop the tears from falling.

“The date of your tattoo, you remember that day?” You nodded and began to explain everything that happened, how you felt when Bucky spoke to you so differently, how it felt like seeing a completely different person for the first time.

“He is so different now, Jake. He is so soft, caring, he listens and he really really cares. You’d like him now.” Mara and Jake exchanged glances and he shook his head.

“He is always been like that, Y/n. You were just blinded. That’s the Bucky we all know and love. Since the beginning.”

“Okay, give me five minutes to recover from my own clownery, please.” You took the cup with the infusion and gave it a sip, grabbing your phone next to text Nat.

 Everything’s alright, got a lot to tell you. Be back very soon. Ily xx

 “What he is trying to say is that maybe your dates are different because you truly met him that night at the park.” To say you were shocked was a bit of an understatement. You wanted to ask them so many questions you were finding it really hard to do them.

“What was it like for you two?” You tilted your head while Mara spoke, never breaking eye contact with Jake and that look, that glint in her eyes seemed so familiar it almost made you gasp.

“Why is he always looking at me with such a face? Gosh, he is so annoying.” Bucky was staring at you with a weird look in his eyes from across the bar, his expression shifting completely when his eyes landed on Jake, a huge smile plastered on his face. You rolled your eyes and squeezed Jake’s side for him to let go of your shoulders and join the boys.

 “Warmth, a feeling of extreme serenity and peace.” She smiled at Jake and before she could go on, the words left your mouth without a previous announcement.

“You felt him. You saw him.” You lowered your head and held it in both of your hands, sighing loudly trying to ease all the emotions that were weightening you down all at once.

“Yes, that is the exact feeling we felt.” They both frowned when they saw you standing up and grabbing your things.

“Where are you going?” Jake asked concerned. After all these years knowing you, it felt like he was with a total different version of you. A confused and disoriented version of yourself. Illogical.

“I’m writing Bucky a letter.”