F1 DRIVERS AS CHARACTERS FROM MAGIC MIKE
aka the best shitpost that has ever shitposted from lovelytsunoda on tumblr
JENSON BUTTON as DALLAS
He’s been around the block a few times. The seasoned veteran that holds our group together. Semi-retired, Jenson is now the touring MC and the owner of the club where our favourite boys perform. He’s still got it though, and that’s evident by the women that hang off him like shirtless white dudes are going out of style and they’re desperate to grab the last one. He knows exactly what he’s doing, and just how to please a woman. Looks incredible in a cowboy hat.
LEWIS HAMILTON as MIKE
He's got dreams, visions of a life where he can put his male stripper days behind him. Despite himself, he takes a new young talent under his wing, while he prepares to leave and create a humble new life for himself. Ladies everywhere know his name, and he's always the title performer. The other dancers are jealous of his street cred and wish they could all be him. There will never be another Lewis.
LANDO NORRIS as ADAM
He’s young, he’s eager and he’s attracted by the idea of swimming dollar bills and all the chicks he could possibly want. Lando Norris is green in the gills and needs someone to take him under their wing. Enter Lewis Hamilton. Lewis teaches the kid everything he knows, and eventually The Kid becomes a bigger star than he is.
CARLOS SAINZ JR. as BIG DICK RICHIE
Do I really need to explain this one? Ladies man with two sides: romantic and scandalous. Insecure about the size of his package, as it tends to scare the ladies away. Lover of MILFs. The ideas man of the group, tired of doing the same routines over and over again. No fashion sense at all. when he finally gets laid, you know damn well everybody is going to hear about it (and it might be with a middle aged mom).
CHARLES LECLERC as TITO
He's like a hyperactive puppy with a heart of gold. Brings a certain kind of swagger to the stage, but is easily distracted offstage. Has tried (and failed) to create different products and startups, but thinks whatever hairbrained idea he has come up with next is the one. Wants to go on Shark Tank. I love him your honour.
FERNANDO ALONSO as TARZAN
He's been in the game longer than some of the younger dancers have been alive. Nobody is sure why, but the ladies love him. A sweet and gentle soul who would do anything to go back in time and settle down with the one who got away, Fernando has more depth than expected.
OSCAR PIASTRI as KEN
Thinks they should 'stop giving women what men think they want' and start 'asking women what they want'. Certified sweetheart, the ladies love him. Will give you a lap dance while serenading you with love songs that stopped being popular in 1986. The baby of the group, sometimes it takes a few tries to be taken seriously. And did I mention women love him?
VALTTERI BOTTAS as TOBIAS
He may not be a good stripper, but he's the number one supporter (and the driver, and the DJ). When Jenson fucks off to Monaco, it's Valtteri who takes over as MC. Will totally win an impromptu drag race because he is just that bitch.
YUKI TSUNODA as ANDRE (magic mike xxl)
Certified sweetheart. Will put on his little fedora and suit jacket and make up a song about how wonderful you are. Because sometimes, the shy girls in the audience need a bit of love and attention as well. Even if his music career were to take off, he'd probably still keep stripping because he loves making pretty girls smile.
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The fact that Sand is dressed in Freddie Mercury’s 1985 Live Aid outfit and is going to make out with someone that is dressed as Freddie Mercury’s 1986 outfit for Queen’s ‘Magic’ tour (and The Miracle MV); both being some of Freddie’s most iconic looks…. Truly chef’s kiss.
I love how they keep Sand’s love for music, and British rock, at the forefront. It’s the one thing that he can always fall back on. Even if he’s being thrown away by Ray, his music will always be there.
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