#making my own memes cause im mentally unstable

[ruins-and-rewritez]

It's them 🤭

[yermes]

After two hours of sleep and a mental break down pick a card and reveal how you can grow in a magic space. 🌻

Pick a meme

1: The Universe 🫐

Represents Yesod to Malkuth, the completion of the great work, if the fool is the beginning this is the end.

You as an individual found your truth so to speak. Theres always room for improvement but your technique is stable. You have as much of an understanding as ever for what you do and how you do it. The one thing is when you have all this vastness ahead of you it can cause somewhat of a depression. However, the end gives birth to the beginning and with the end of whatever you got going on its setting you up for newer paths. Take your wisdom, knowledge, and experience and go off on another adventure! Grow by simply growing more. You are doing amazing but never settle theres always more to learn even after you think you mastered one aspect.

2: Knight of Cups 🫖

Represents 21° Aquarius to 20° Pisces, represents Chokmah, is called “The fire in the waters of Briah”

Deciding you need help is a great step. A big part of this card is the sexual, holy, escapist imagery. I know its a lot but thats okay, if you don’t like a lot go find less. At this point you seem unstable, at times its like you don’t know WHAT to believe with so many conflicting sources and at times bad guides. This card represents trying to reach medium out of every extreme and you may just need to sit back, ask for help, clear your head and get a little boost to that holy grail queen. For growth I would talk! Bounce ideas around, maybe ask for help. The world is your oyster yeah things can be scary and confusing and extreme but you can make this experience all your own and reach the grail your own way.

3: Pleasure 🍷

Represents six of cups, Tiphareth, Sun in Scorpio

You are not all the way full with your personal Journey you still have a ways to go. However, you reached a certain level of success and while enjoying the fruits of your labor is amazing be careful at becoming that guy.. like you pop up in the chat and everyone leaves because you decided its your life and they’re just living it. Be happy with your growth and progress but do not become vain, realize everyone is on a personal journey and you are not always right. The more you learn the more you realize we know nothing. Take time to think before you speak and act! But keep growing you are flourishing!

End.

I just want to add this to the end because I wanted to say I wasted a lot of time in magic or occult spaces. I wasted my time arguing and starting fight but while the community definitely has draw backs its also a great resource! Instead of attacking off the bat I slowly research and see if I can understand their point of view but also stay at arms length to keep my energy relatively safe. Im a tired bitch. I kinda came back to be more social in these spaces when I realized that when in moderation and being safe they can have so many studying benefits and I don’t have to conform to a space to be a magician or to be who I am as a whole. I also saw some bullshit on tiktok pop up and instead of losing my mind over it I researched it found where they may have misunderstood and moved on. Thats character development.

[general-posting]

Why am I rebranding?

Short answer: so I can hide from people I do not ever wanna talk to again.

Long answer:

I will not be name dropping for my own privacy and also the privacy of others cause nobody was good in this situation, and im sure we all want to move on by now, right???

I didn't start thinking of a rebrand until a few days ago, but it really started when a person who I no longer wish to associate with sent me characters I had gifted them on toyhouse with no explanation, which made me panic for a bit. I asked their freind if they wanted a design they gave me back, they did not reply so I didn't know what to do. The request sat in my inbox for 1-2 days until I accepted and sent a return request for the character given to me.

The reason they did this, cause I was a stupid idiot and not the best behaved when we knew eachother, currently I am trying to avoid getting too personally involved in situations cause I'm afraid of this happening again. Aparrently I harassed multiple people, but please note I was extremely out of it or usually unaware at the time I was doing these things over the course of several months, and multiple people where encouraging me including the owner of the server i was doing it in. I made a copy pasta about a user who was banned from said server, they put a command on the servers exclusive bot that would say the copypasta among other things when used.

Anyway when I realized this wasn't the best thing to be doing I was too unstable to notice I was doing some messed up shit too, and decided to leave a nasty ass message about why I was leaving the server, in response the lead mod decided to publicly craptalk me infront of everyone and brush everyone else's behavior under the rug.

What do I mean by others behavior?? Well a user who knew the person irl who I made the copypasta about, went out of their way to make an alt even though they were both not on speaking terms and spam them with a random meme. They also were encouraging me to do dumb things and making jokes about said person publicly. Among other things.

(Said person is just starting highschool and im turning 17 soon so, I'm not really upset with them anymore like I was when I made the nasty message, at the time I made the message I was really unstable and having an episode but was unaware of that fact)

Anyway I rejoined the server had another moment and left and did it again and again for a few weeks until I snapped cause I thought that someone was talking about me.

Finally I was banned (I should've been banned the first time ngl)

This should've been the end of it honestly, and I wish it was.

Then the toyhouse thing happened. (I was on vacation and it really upset me)

I moved on i got over the toyhouse incident.

Accidentally sent the lead mod of the server a picture of a chuck e cheese mascot costume.

They made a whole paragraph about how bad I am and how they wanna be left alone. (SAME)

I was already having a shitty day and forgot about the accidental chuck e cheese picture, my cat had passed a few days prior and I was waiting to die to join him honestly.

After having a talk with my mom, I decided to block a bunch of people and go into hiding on discord and rebrand online.

Honestly atp I want to be left the fuck alone by everyone from that server except like two people I was close with.

If you know me from that server DNI. Do not contact me. Also if im a silly haha joke in your server, please stop. That's the whole reason I had the meltdown in the first place?? Making silly jokes out of people?? It wasn't the person I even "harassed" yall would make jokes about sometimes, yall had "banned emojis"

Genuinely i don't hate any of you id like to think

But leave me the hell alone

I just wanna get better as a person, and mentally.

I wanna move on.

Hopefully you aren't even reading this cause I know you guys will reply to this with some bullshit.

So anyway thats why I'm rebranding, cause I'm genuinely very afraid rn, im not having a good time.

[ubereyezconfessions-blog]

2/6/19-2/7/19 Riders

Potentially a eye opener for a ride. With age and experience I’m becoming more aware of what sides of the city offer. From lifestyles, people, and outlooks. As some call this city a stirring pot, our lives are mixing at a scary rate. Or at least mine is.

My outlook with the work this week is to reach a certain amount of rides to hit some bonuses from the company. Nothing major to me, but this comes with having 30 rides for the first tier bonus, and 60 for the second. This night I covered about 17-18 trips. So i was thoroughly throughout the city.

Revenge Of The Nerds

My first ride that sticks out in mind is in Venice Beach. Judging the event and the occupants, this was a tech meeting or a start up of some sorts. Approaching the car upon arrival are 4 guys. I’ll call this the “Revenge of the Nerds”. One Russian, one Asian, one Middle Eastern, or perhaps two of them were. But mentally this was a very weird trip. A vast majority of the trip felt like a lot of coded conversations that I was picking up without much trying. And I can explain how this was confirmed. So heading toward the freeway, these guys were discussing being at a meeting with Google. They really felt the need to stress this or with stating this it would make me want to join in and ask about what they all were doing. But as usual I stick to my driving and focusing on the road. So there getting into some conversation where they keep talking about Speech 0″. Mental image keeps thinking of a reddit meme where it takes some Fallout scene shot. But I couldnt help but think they were speaking in the idea that I was talking. Along the ride, a song was on. And for this night I decided to hide the display of what song was playing and who was the artisit. More so, so peopl would catch the song and not all that extra info. The car becomes quiet at a certain point and these lyrics go off.

“I was trained to be a soldier for God But as soon as I used my own thoughts I kinda got lost in this smog called reality Where hell is a fallacy And Heaven is a fantasy created by man, so don't believe in it You came in here with nothing then your leaving with Nothing so retreat from this world of deceitfulness But my people it's time to rise Realize there's a heaven whether you think it's inside or in the sky Reach for it before it's gone eternally And you stuck here below the heavens for eternity“

And it breaks into a hook and the Russian in the passenger seat says “Encrypted data. Private companies use encrypted data to protect themselves but let people have it”, something along those lines. “Basically youll get the message but wont know who gave it”. Mentally that was kinda spot on.

Then off the freeway we were cruising down Venice blvd. and Im assuming with the streetlights shining in the vehicle. This allowed a view of my Black Panther keychain. Cause a conversation about Marvel ensued. The spoke upon Stan Lee creating Spiderman or being the main thing he created, amongst The Incredible Hulk. Then they brought up Into The Spiderverse, the recent film and mentally I was hit with the line “Wow, Youre like me”. If youve seen the movie, you’d understand. But with all that, just funny timing because we reach La Cienaga were there is a Captain America mural. Or maybe a coincidence from the universe. But this is were the ride finishes up and not much else is exchanged and the ride ends.

Deceptive Intentions

Now in Hollywood I pick up a rider. Originally this was just supposed to be him although he was standing with a woman. Which when they got in they explained that they both ordered separate rides but since I arrived first, they both got in and the male basically let it be known that he didnt mind paying for the ride. Once again, Im assuming its a couple already so Im completely tuning out the conversation and that when I learn the chick is a mind reader. Along the way Im just in my own world and I come across this thought that I might just be kinda set up to be a music artist and immediately at that thought the woman says “I love musicians, I just cant help it. Even if they are emotionally unstable”. And the male replies, “Probably because you are too”. She laughs and i suppose signalling she agrees. We reach her drop off and she gets out with a hug to him and a “goodnight” to me. At this point the Guy jumps back in after letting her out and this is where he changes to a new person. “SHE NEEDS TO BREAK UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND” “DID YOU SEE HOW HOT SHE WAS?”, He stated pretty hyped up. Which as I tell you, I try to distance myself from the riders. I didnt even see the woman to have a frame of reference. But kinda revealed what his intentions were with the lady. Were headed over to Santa Monica so after a forced conversation that didnt go anywhere the music just played. At a point it reached a song by a artist out of the city and he was speaking on a woman that had died but he was deeply in love with. And it was a powerful record, I cant even deny. But I heard a sniffle in the back seat. I had a notion that it may have even made the rider shed a tear. Kinda made me think Im rather desensitized to emotion growing up the way I have. But another ride done and on to the next.

Eye Opener

Now this is the trip I speak of that felt like an eye opener on revisiting the trip mentally. This was a trip immediately after the previous story. From the Westwood area heading to Venice. Prior to pulling up I noticed 3 suits walking down the road and one just broke away from 2 others. Not much of a goodbye just approached the road and that was my rider. He gets in a bit jive. Almost trying to show he’s hip to urban culture. Which is explained shortly. He’s a talkative type and starts with the usual small talk. “How long you been driving?” and blah blah blah. I explain my 3 years and the usual responses but he reaches a question of “Where in the city do you like to drive”. Which I explain that I just drive. You cant really plan out were youre driving when any given trip you can be sent 10-1000 miies all pending the request. Not remember how it came up but we got into a dialogue of where we were from. Which i explained South Central and he asked if im still there. And upon saying yes, he said “its what you know”. Then he explained he was from Ventura county about a hour away and his family is from the Northeast and the South, after I told him my family was from Virginia. Explained that that side of the family had some different views and brought many conversations that made him look at that side different. So this is where he explains to me that he doesnt like hanging out on the Santa Monica/Venice side of the city. Amongst the techie side of it all, its what he grew up with out in Ventura. Which something told me he meant those with conservative beliefs. And that he preferred Downtown and Echo Park area due to the mix of culture and artsy ways. Felt like a nod to tell me that this side isnt as for change as I’d may think. Or over that way, I can relax.

Alpha/Beta

In this night was a trip with 2 dudes. Asian I assume, but no heavy looks at them besides pick up. But I did notice they guy had a Rams hat on. On my driver profile it states “The New Orleans Saints were robbed #NeverForget”. (NFL 18-19 NFC Championship). Something triggered that he wanted me to bring that up in conversation, but me being me, that aint happen. So in this drive, its a obvious Alpha/Beta partnership between the riders. Which the Beta pretty much is subject to having all his power at a zero and listening to whatever the other says to do with their business venture. In this conversation they do a lot of name dropping and trying to sell something or a idea. Perhaps to get me to listen. But im a “tune out” type as I explain. As im ever brought back into their conversation by how loud they become. Im considered how does someone live like that. The Beta is pretty much powerless and has to listen to every idea the Alpha had. Whenever he suggested something, it was slashed and replaced with a idea from the Alpha and it seemed like a odd partnership. But to each his own. Just along with my non-talk, came towards the end of the ride when I had this feeling that they were going to get negative in their conversation being I didnt bite on whatever they were pitching. A comment of “Its nice to have a quiet ride and catch up on business”. Just felt weird but was said along with somethings that didnt feel right in spirit.

Janky Producers

Last but not least. I had a ride in mid-city. Picked up a White guy, dressed with the look of a producer. I know this simply because being a music artist, you can spot the look a million miles away. So he jumped in with headphones on, but greeted so I assumed he was gonna be in his world, as I was in mine. Totally fine. Now im playing true hip hop. Lyricist infused stuff. Something about it, I just had a feeling he was listening because of that. Anyways, he was headed to a recording studio in Hollywood, but went from a drop off to a pick up of 2 others. So amongst this short extended trip. They were speaking about what was happening at the studio. He kept talking bout working with Tory. Im assuming Tory Lanez or just name dropping to catch my attention. But they came talks of his manager that was at the studio and this is when they starting talking about that guys music skills. Mainly he was off key and that led to a lot of laughter. They ended up getting dropped off at some food spot which seemed to be a flock of musician industry folk getting grub. As a artist, id probably fit in, but my out look on life probably keeps me away. But found it rather bizarre that people can talk and gossip about people they were around through out a night. I know money is the reason. But why be around people you just look forward to laughing at after?

[ruins-and-rewritez]

Jes seeing Kaz after a few weeks apart: so how's your Knife Wife?

Kaz, not hip with the lingo:

[ruins-and-rewritez]

I just saw this and knew it needed editing

[ruins-and-rewritez]

Matthias just trying to do his job:

Matthias' whore thoughts whenever Nina flirts with him: