#malec drabbe

[ketzwrites]

Is this send me a pairing thing still valid? :D Because I'd like Malec + “Can we pretend I didn’t just say that?"

Not anymore :D yours is the last one, darling.

But I gotta say, I’m particularly proud of that one. I’m sorry it took me a lifetime to write it. I hope the wait is worth it

Huge, huge thanks for @sargentcow 

Magnus Bane was an expert in flirting. There was no denying it. Some people were born as great artists, some people were mathematical geniuses. Magnus Bane had been blessed with the ability to charm. For the better part of his life, he had been exulting on pure charisma alone, entrancing the people around him with a few well-placed smiles and a couple of witty comments. It came naturally to him and he barely had to think before speaking anymore, he just did.

In retrospect, that was probably what made everything go so horribly wrong when tactless, no nonsense, practical Alec Lightwood stormed into his life. Because when a born charmer falls in love with a pragmatic, disaster strikes.

Not that Magnus could’ve foreseen the completely fiasco of a relationship, judging by its start. The night Isabelle had introduced him to her dear brother, Magnus and Alec had hit it off right away. Sure, Magnus’ innuendos were often lost on Alec, but he laughed at his silly puns and, by the end of the night, they had exchanged phones numbers and more than a few lingering stares.

After that, a date was inevitable. Alec was the one to ask Magnus out, to their mutual surprise. They had spent a lovely afternoon at the Natural History Museum and had ended the date at a lovable sushi place after laughing all day long.

Okay, they had actually ended the date in Magnus’ loft, more specifically his bed, but alas, some of us are trying to sound romantic here, people.

Second date came, and then the third. By the fourth date, they were calling each other boyfriend and having fun at their friends’ expanse by having inside jokes. Their relationship was the best thing that had happened to Magnus since he had discovered makeup and he had never been that happy with anyone else.

Alec made life seem like happy summer days. He was impossibly smart and twice as kind. His eagerness to please was only surpassed by his stubbornness and Magnus was reminded of what real honesty was every time they talked.

But Alec wasn’t flawless and he could also make the sunniest day feel like the depth of winter. He was short-tempered and tended to lash out when he felt cornered. He internalized most of his feelings and a lifetime being pressured to be the perfect son, brother and man by his parents’ distorted standards had made it impossible for him to cherish who he really was in the light of who people wanted him to be. Alec had no problems to let his siblings take advantage of him and he didn’t care to be civil to people he disliked, which, truth be told, was most people.

At that time, Magnus had attributed all of that to Alec’s age. Being eight years older than him, Magnus had more often than not let rude comments and frankly obnoxious behavior slip by because he thought Alec would grow out of it. That is, when he wasn’t downright patronizing with sighs and the occasional “Oh, Alexander, just shut up and kiss me”.

It wasn’t only Alec’s flaws that Magnus would brush over, though. Magnus had an issue with opening up himself, thanks to some past lovers that shall remain nameless in her French fashion, so more often than not he’d prefer to ignore problems than to talk them through. Rationally, Magnus knew that was a recipe to disaster, but whenever he saw the frustrated and almost desperate look on Alec’s face as they started fighting, he felt it was better to change subjects. Desirably, to the bedroom.

Needless to say, their relationship crushed and crumbled after little more than an year together. At least it had been a mutual consensus and they had ended that chapter of their lives with the knowledge that although they had lost a lover, they still cared too much for each other to keep on hurting like that.

By then, however, both Alec and Magnus had earned their places in each other’s group of friends, which meant there was no staying away. Magnus was Clary’s and Izzy’s first choice for a shoulder to cry on or a fun night out after a stressful day at work. Simon was still trying to impress him, or at least make Magnus remember his name. Even Jace liked hanging out with him, despite their not-so-friendly arguing from time to time.

At the same time, Ragnor absolutely adored Alec, since he did not take Magnus’ bullshit and that was frankly refreshing. Catarina had adopted Alec after he got into med school and they could spend hours talking. Tessa had once told Magnus that if he did not marry Alec, she would have one of her boyfriends do it. Not to mention Raphael, who had taken a liking into Alec when they realized they hated the same things.

There was no avoiding each other. Which was fine, totally fine. Magnus was glad to realize that he cared so much for Alec, he’d gladly stay friends with him. They still had hour long talks, they still discussed their favorite books and movies, they still drank together.

But only when there was at least two more people around and as long as those two people weren’t a couple. That was the first unspoken rule that everyone knew and nobody disputed. Magnus and Alec never hung out alone, although they secretly still had a private chat on their phone nobody knew about.

The second unspoken rule was that if one of them was seeing someone, the other could not vent about them where the single one could hear. That rule was established when Alec ranted about a guy he had been dating during movie night at Clary and Jace’s and Magnus proceeded to mistreat the guy so much afterwards - purposefully forgetting his name, arranging restaurants reservations so there was no place for him to sit, outright telling him to his face he wasn’t good enough to even breathe the same air as Alec -, the guy broke up with Alec.

Magnus did not regret that one, especially because he could see the relief on Alec’s eyes beneath the anger when he came to confront him after the break up.

It was ridiculous, but the rules had been working fine for the last four years, which was everything that Magnus needed. He had dated and/or slept with a fair number of people since then, but Magnus was starting to grow worried. He was almost thirty-seven now and it looked like New York simply did not have anyone that was right for him.

At least, nobody who made him feel like he did when he was with Alec. Nobody who Magnus could love despite their flaws. Nobody that could love Magnus despite his flaws.

But alas, it’s no use crying over spilled milk. Alec had done a lot of growing up in the last couple of years and Magnus was proud of him, of the person he had become. It wouldn’t be fair if Magnus didn’t let go of his old crush and got over it. They were friends now and friends didn’t pine after each other forever.

It was good, then, that Isabelle had called for an emergency night out. Magnus hated feeling like he was going to die alone and he would gladly drink those thoughts down with his favorite people in the world. Ragnor had confirmed, though he said he was going to be late. Simon and Clary were coming too, though Jace was stuck at the precinct. Raphael had said drinking on a Tuesday night was beneath him and Cat was out of town.

Magnus had arrived early, to his standards, which meant he was right on time. His last client of the day had wrapped up their meeting after Magnus told him to shut up and listen if she wanted her house to look the slightest bit decent.

You see? Magnus definitely needed a drink.

He walked into the wolf’s den checking his messages to see if anyone was already there. Such a weird thing to do, wait for the rest to arrive.

“Magnus!” A familiar voice called and, of course, it was Alec. He was sitting at their usual table alone, but for a bottle of beer.

Blinking, Magnus put away his phone and smiled, gesturing to the bar. He got himself a cosmopolitan before joining Alec at the table and drunk half of it on the way there. “Just the two of us for now?”

Alec nodded, but he didn’t seem worried. “Izzy said she’s on her way and I just spoke to Ragnor. He finished the chapter he was working on, so he should be coming too.”

“Brilliant,” Magnus said quietly. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been alone with Alec like that and it was making him nervous.

Especially because Alec looked so calm. In the almost six years knowing each other, Magnus ought to have gotten used to Alec’s cool façade but he hasn’t. There was something in his sharp beautiful lines and the eye Alec’s hazel eyes always seemed to be reading the situation with absolute precision.

Magnus cleared his throat. “So, how have you been? It’s been, what? Weeks since we last talked?”

“I guess.” Alec nodded and took a sip of his beer. “I’m okay. Passed all my exams.”

“That is great! Not that I had any doubts you would.” Magnus smiled proudly. Alec had always been hard-working and never more so than after getting into med school. “How’s the internship going?”

“Rough, but good.” Alec smiled a little and Magnus could see he seemed tired, but impossibly happy. “How about your clients? Anyone wanting to paint their walls vomit-green again?”

Magnus sneered and shook his head. “Not recently, but let’s not get our hopes high. I’ve expanded business to New Jersey.”

“Oh no.” Alec snorted. “That’s just asking for trouble.”

“You know me,” Magnus said with a shrug and batted his eyelashes at him. “Trouble is my middle name.”

Alec just shook his head, but he was smiling behind the bottle of beer he busied himself with drinking. They stayed quiet for a couple of minutes and Magnus checked his phone for any news of their other friends. There was nothing.

“You don’t think…” Magnus began, but he stopped mid-sentence. The puzzled expression on Alec’s face made him chuckle. “Sorry, I’m being ridiculous.”

“What?” Alec asked, still confused.

Magnus pushed his lips together, but then he stopped, because that was Alec’s habit to do, not his. “It’s just… You don’t think they set this up, do you? Pretend to settle a night out and then bailed so it would be just the two of us?”

“Why would they do that?” Alec frowned and he seemed even more at lost. “They know we don’t… We don’t hang out alone.”

“That’s why.” Magnus suddenly felt unable to stare at Alec’s eyes, but he powered through it. A bit. It would’ve been easier if his heart wasn’t racing so fast. “Maybe they thought we could, you know, use some alone time.”

If Alec was feeling how Magnus was, though, he was doing a remarkable job in pretending otherwise. “To do what?” He asked in a way that made it sound like an accusation.

Magnus huffed. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe talk? About us? About the fact that neither of us had ever had a stable relationship since we broke up? Or the fact that we are still each other’s first choice to talk on our phones, but we avoid to be physically alone together like the plague? Or the fact that I always go to that necklace you gave me when I need to be confident about my outfit? And that I see you doing the relaxing techniques I taught when you’re anxious?”

When he finished his rant, Magnus could see the emotions shifting in Alec’s expression. He went from confused to alarmed to guilty and finally to perplexed. But it wasn’t just Alec’s face that Magnus was paying attention to. He also looked at the way Alec was rubbing his thumb on the inside of his hand and how he pushed his lips together, about to speak but saying nothing.

Until he did, in a small voice that did not match the strong man he was. “What are you saying? I thought… I thought you had moved on.”

“Well, I clearly didn’t, despite my great efforts.” Magnus inhaled sharply. “And I think the others know it too and they have set us up so we could talk this through. I blame your sister.”

Alec nodded. “That’s something Izzy would do.”

Sighing again, Magnus drew strength from the necklace he was wearing. Not for nothing, it was the one Alec had gifted him on his birthday when they were together. “Okay, I’ll start. I love you, Alexander, and that is very clear because I do not hide it. What I try, and obviously fail to, hide is that I am still in love with you. I have always been and I don’t think that’s changing anytime soon. So there. That’s how I feel.”

It took Alec a moment to get over his astonishment. When he did, there was a new determination on his eyes and his hand moved in the direction of Magnus’.

And then a voice sounded from a few feet away. “Hey guys!” Isabelle said, coming in the bar in a rush and taking a seat besides her brother. “Sorry. I know I’m late, but Simon offered me a ride. He’s parking the car with Clary, they should be here any moment now.” She smiled and placed a kiss on Alec’s cheek. “What are we talking about?”

Magnus smiled, showing all of his teeth. “My stupid client and her stupid ideas.”

“My favorite topic, then. Because I too have a stupid client with stupid ideas.” Isabelle smiled and then waved at the door as Clary and Simon walked in.

Using that moment of distraction, Magnus got his phone out. It had been stupid of him to think anyone aside him was still milking on that story. Of course not. Damn, Alec probably was about to tell him he had been over Magnus for ages now. He had to make amends  before it blew up on his face.

Can we pretend I didn’t just say that? Magnus typed and sent. Thankfully, Alec had his own phone in his hands and he looked at the text as soon as it arrived. As Clary and Simon sat down, Alec threw an unreadable look at Magnus’ direction that could only mean one thing. Yes.

And thus began the worst night of Magnus’ life. He tried to pretend everything was fine and that he was having the time of his life talking amenities in front of the man he had just confessed his still very alive love for. Never mind that Alec had fallen into introspective silence for the rest of the night, Magnus couldn’t stop himself from looking at him from time to time, waiting for anything. A look, a sign, a word. Anything.

But Alec gave him nothing but silence. He didn’t even look in Magnus’ direction for the rest of the night.

Magnus was pretty sure their friendship was over. When that realization came, he lost his will to keep pretending he was alright. Magnus just excused himself, not even bothering to give an excuse as simple as a headache, and went home.

He was still crushing the Chairman against his chest when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

A text from Alec. No. No, we can’t.

Tired and feeling sincerely hopeless, Magnus didn’t have the energy to fight. He simply closed his eyes and put his phone down, wondering if he could buy a ticket to Siberia in the morning.

But then another text came. Because I’m still in love with you too.