#man I've had a hell of a week. really not feeling emotionally ready for the finale lol

[prettysymbiosis]

risk e. rat’s pizza and amusement center

the awkwardly long name (read: it’s always sunny in philadelphia) - both character and show meta incoming and I feel like that’s the first hint of the latter

am I the only one who keeps thinking risk e. rat’s pizza is the pizza for you and me…

“they make kids feel like they’re the ones in charge” - so interesting coming from mac mcdonald. soon followed up by “they were the first set of boobs I ever saw since my mom’s” which ties right into the burgeoning mommy issue thread

at the end of the day it’s all part of the fun!

just the gang singin’ in the car :)

dennis “that’s not my name” reynolds

how have I just NEVER noticed that dee is left-handed???

the broken water fountain - does it mean anything? I’m too tired to figure it out I need my tumblr brain trust

maybe mac being clean-shaven this season is to make him seem more boyish? I have a new theory for this every episode

I think I saw someone else say this but I do think it’s fitting that charlie and dennis are together on the titties storyline because of their shared baggage around childhood sexuality, like no one else in the gang would really be able to relate to dennis here and if charlie is figuring his shit out with that then he'll definitely serve as a parallel for dennis having to figure it out too

I like how they represent three different eras of risk e.’s (frank, gang, present day) to really explore changing values and how things getting softer can be bad in some ways but good in others. this episode definitely feels in keeping with lethal weapon 7 as a very sunny way of critiquing sunny that feels satisfyingly self-aware but also fairly true to form which is a pretty fine line to walk, to give credit to rcg and the rest of the creators

also if you haven’t seen the john oliver piece on chuck e. cheese go watch it because it provides so much context and crazy true history of these types of places that was definitely in my mind while watching this episode

dee and frank paired up again, and in a childhood place, probably ties into the dee parent-issues thing I hope they’re building up to

each character really tells on themself about what fucked up stuff they’ve come to believe is acceptable or even enjoyable but should be questioned:

frank - violence and verbal abuse toward children and everyone; sexually harassing women with impunity; calling people the r-slur

dee - ethnic humor, not racist humor; making her explain how it’s funny and realizing it’s not; ecologically irresponsible plastic cheese that gets immediately thrown away; dimwit duck or whatever his name was; not understanding what satire really is!!! ← they really took one of their biggest critiques head on

here’s a question I have about dee’s character - she tries to justify her problematic sense of humor and every time frank points out the truth behind it, illustrating what’s really awful about it without really meaning to, and dee seems to genuinely recoil like she doesn’t like that. does she feel bad and react that way because she doesn’t want to do harmful things, or just because she doesn’t want to be perceived as being un-pc because that’s what’s uncool now? like remember when charlie said “I think I might’ve called an old lady a cunt this morning” and looked kind of aghast at himself? could dee be developing more of a conscience too and if so, what does that say about her? or is she just a vehicle for rcg to navel-gaze about the show? also remember in lw7 how mac was like “if you don’t praise me for being a good person then why am I doing it?” I lie awake at night wondering how much rcg want to be better people vs. how much they don’t want to be kicked even further down the hollywood totem pole for being yucky. please share thoughts if you have any

mac - simulating real-world violence to get it out of his system; shame - “if you got no shame, you’re never gonna hate yourself enough to stop being bad”

dennis and charlie - being unprotected growing up; that’s what the bone’s for! (there’s nothing like a glenn and charlie riff btw); is it wrong because she’s underage?

sunny is really amping up the inner child work for the gang, I mean arguably the gang have always been childish but this season I feel like they’re exploring it in a more comprehensive way like via the setting of this episode. and it ALSO works as a perfect commentary on the show and we love the layers

there’s no adults around…

“cause we need monster representation” we need some representation for those who are freaky and fucked up okay??

I wish I could remember who said it but someone suggested that the de-breastifying of justine has to do with dennis’ heteroness disappearing and that is a very fun take - I do think it says something that they’re fixated on a very abstracted version of sexuality via these almost disembodied tits that aren’t even human… like are we overcompensating for something gentlemen? can the characters and the show itself have any relationship to women that doesn’t objectify or otherwise dehumanize them?

I for one think sam is supposed to look like a young mac, I saw some people questioning why they cast that kid and this is my theory. this is important for both the inner child and possible child-rearing stuff they’re bringing in

“hey man, I’m a licensed psychotherapist–” “you’re a talking dog”

“guys I hate to admit it but this place sucks now”; “that’s crazy, this was like one of the best bars in town, man”; “they could redeem themselves in the show” all very meta

“you cannot call a place a website” hahaha

“so that these kids can have the same experience that we had when we were younger” fucked up childhoods, the cycle of trauma, but also the show being how it used to be

and of course, an attempted revival of all that leading to immediate disaster. let’s move forward, not backward :)

[gfcheol]

late blooming pt2 | j.wonwoo

pairing: wonwoo x f!reader

genre: slowburn, sugar baby!au, smut

word count: 5k

tags: emotionally constipated trustfund kid!wonwoo, snarky roommate!jeonghan, food ment, insecure artist!reader, fingering, making out, jealous!wonwoo, miscommunication, angsty ending

tag list: @bangchanbabygirlx , @amiga-qmilagraso , @listxn , @bloomyroses , @yoozuku, @revluv909 , @laylasbunbunny , @thinkinboutwonu , @springdaybreaks , @97-liners , @weakforsvt

In those two weeks, since you'd agreed to let Mr Jeon Wonwoo financially take care of you, you'd learned three things about him.

One - He'd gushed about every cat picture or meme you'd sent to him, commenting on the pretty fur or the shape of their triangle ears. During one phone call, you even got him to meow for you. You'd laughed almost a solid minute at the sound of his dark voice, clearly enunciating a very lifelike "meow". If only you had thought of recording it.

Two - He loved to read. You weren't really sure about which books were to his liking but everytime you'd mentioned an author you'd liked, he'd tell you he was either familiar with their work or had read their work as well. It was difficult, to say the least, not to feel intimidated by his intellect, though you didn't mind as much once you'd realized that, even though he already knew so many literary works, he still listened quite intently to your opinions on them.

And three - He asked a lot of questions.

It was almost embarrassing, in hindsight. How much you were willing to tell him, about your upbringing, weird food habits you'd developed as a child, about the time Mingyu and you got food poisoning from your favourite fast food place, back in college. It felt easy to confide in him. Your own personal confession booth. Wonwoo was a good listener and despite leaving snarky comments here and there - there was understanding laced in his every word, making it hard not to fall deeper into conversation with him. Maybe, just maybe, it had helped that all of these talks happened, while you were on the phone with him, either on your way from work or tucked in bed.

"It's probably bad timing", he had sighed, "but I'll have to leave the country for a week. It's purely out of formality, although necessary. Or so I've been told, at least."

His explanation had seemed sincere enough, a tired smile playing on the edge of his lips, yet you couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment from you. Selfish desires be damned, you actually hoped to spend time with the man who'd provide you with money for whatever reason. It still felt somewhat strange to you, no matter how rational he had been while explaining his intentions with you, the skeptic in you was hard to please.

You'd only shaken your head in response, your "No, it's fine! I hope you'll still manage to have fun", sounded insincere even to your own ears, though Wonwoo had enough courtesy not to mention it.

You hadn't quite expected him to still try to stay in touch, thinking his hectic schedule would suffice in keep him busy. But apparently, Wonwoo had a tendency to defy your expectations about him. His first text had comee as a surprise to you, your eyes almost bulging out of their socksts, as you sat slumped and exhausted in the driver's seat of your car. Work had been the usual hell, customers and colleagues robbing you of every nerve you had left until they left you a complete shell of yourself - Not like you hadn't been used to it.

[Wonwoo J - 17:55] Are you as bored as me?

You had blinked several times, mind feeling a bit too numb, attempting to remember that, yes, this was indeed The Jeon Wonwoo, billionaire, business man, and art snob, texting you oh so casually.

[y/n - 17:56] more like tired rip just got done working

[Wonwoo J - 17:57] Oh? Hope I didn't interrupt anything

[y/n - 18:00] literally sitting in my car rn lmao

[y/n - 18:01] gimme 15 and then i'm free to chat

You remembered rushing home, quick to brush Jeonghan's half hearted greeting off, ready to lock yourself in your bedroom and panic an appropriate amount before calling him back. Though in the end, all panic had ebbed away the second his tired voice muttered your name in greeting, at the other end of the line. And despite your worries, it'd felt so natural to share your day with him - His faint laugh, whenever you'd complain, proving to be your very own remedy against bad moods.

Maybe he'd merely been polite this whole time, your insecurities were quick to point out. A cynical viewpoint for sure, but not unrealistic. Not impossible.

It'd be so easy to drop all caution, to ignore every bad experience and disregard every hurtful comment ever thrown your way by previous romantic partners. It'd be so easy to trust the silly old fashion emojis he sent your way, or the way his laughter grew louder everytime you gasped out in mock offense to any of his jabs. It'd be so easy to let your heart ache at every whispered goodnight you'd mumbled into the speaker of your phone. But easy was naive. You weren't a teenager anymore, you knew better or were supposed to at least.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

"Hmm, Episode IV. Easy question. Obi Wan might be hot but he doesn't beat childhood nostalgia. Next question."

"Obi Wan hot? Questionable. Hey, how come you're not tired yet? I thought you said that your shift was draining 'as fuck'."

"Why do you have to remember everything I tell you, oh my godddd. You know what, I change my mind, guys who only pretend to listen get a bad rep."

"You just don't want me to point out that you should stop rambling about Star Wars and catch some sleep."

"Not my fault that we're not in the same timezone right now, Mister. C'mon, ask me another question."

"Fine... Have you always been this difficult or do I get special treatment from you?"

"... Wonwoo, I hope you know how lucky you are that you're not within fighting distance."

"Aw, I was hoping you'd get so huffy, you'd hang up and finally rest."

"You're mean."

"And yet you're still insisting on talking to me."

"AND a smug bastard."

"Goodnight, y/n. I'm... looking forward to talking to you tomorrow. I'm uh- enjoying our talks."

"Oh. Y- yeah, same. I mean- goodnight to you too."

♡♡♡♡♡♡

Jeonghan's form was draped across the couch, arm covering his eyes to shield him from the intrusive rays of sunshine that dared to tickle his oh so sensitive face. The apartment lay in comfortable silence, a rare occurrence these days but not unwelcome. You aimlessly scrolled through your phone, enjoying the luxury of being lazy on one of your rare off days.

Usually, it wouldn't be you who'd have to suffer because of Hannie's tendency to take up too much space. It'd become quite normal to see his current conquence and him lounging on the couch, limbs, as well as lips, entangled in a disgustingly open display of love. You'd roll your eyes, questioning yourself, if you'd ever been as bad as him, while you were with any of your exes. You shuddered at the mere thought of them. The past was the past for a reason, wasn't it? You should know this by now.

"Wanna watch a movie today?", you asked absentmindedly, eyes still glued to the colorful pictures of your screen - Pinterest truly was a rabbit hole to get lost in.

Your roommate barely reared his head. "Only if i get to pick. Sick of watching Pride and Prejudice over and over with you."

A groan. "Fine... No movie then." Giggles erupted out of you when you felt Jeonghan's foot digging into your side.

"Is your sugar daddy not gonna call you today?" You felt the heat in your face rise at the teasing edge of his voice. "Or are nudes enough to get him to shut up?"

Your head perked up, your tone quiet "Nudes?"

"As in 'sexy pictures to help him beat his meat on his sexy man business trip'?", Jeonghan raised his arm to glance you up and down.

For some reason, it had never even crossed your mind that this very adult man with adult needs would desire - well - adult pictures from you. You were simply too enthralled by the sweet words thrown your way, that the skeptic within your mind forgot to remind you that this was not, in fact, a normal relationship. Money and talent and contracts were involved in this. And while a large part of why Wonwoo felt drawn to you, must have been your potential as an artist, there was very likely sexual interest as well. Embarrassment simmered in the depths of your stomach, groaning into the air. "Oh fuck."

"Wow, you've never even sent him a sexy selfie or something?"

"Well, it never really came up in conversations!", you squeaked, voice too nervous, too shrill to sound rational.

He pushed himself off his cozy, little spot on the edge of the sofa, a grin now evident on his features. "You guys don't flirt?"

"You know what?", you narrowed your eyes at him, shoving his leg away from your side. "Single you fucking sucks! At least your girlfriends all liked it when you were being an absolute dick to them. Now you just kinda- inflict it all upon me. I can't help it that you're bored without a girlfriend!"

The dig didn't seem to affect him much, the sheer Schadenfreude he felt was enough to brush off your insult. How in the living hell did he always have the upper hand in every argument you guys had? Your leading theories were either A) he had enough practice in torturing his little sister and was happy enough to treat you the same way or B) he was one of Lucifer's very own lackeys. Your money was on theory B. One of these days, you'd find the portray he'd sold his soul for in order to stay young and live out his hedonistic lifestyle - Oscar Wilde style.

"I'm sure I'd be way less bored, if we could watch a different movie that doesn't star Keira Knightley's angry pout", Jeonghan huffed, raising his brow - and while you knew, this was a mere attempt to get a rise out of you, you couldn't help but gasp in offense.

"How dare you? She's a delight in-", your phone vibrated in your lap, attention shifting immediately to the notification you'd received. Your anger was put on halt as you noticed, it was indeed Wonwoo, who had texted you, offense melting away in an instance. "A sec", you mumbled.

"Oh, he's got you whipped!", he laughed.

Pressing on the notification, you gave him one last exasperated look, lips pressed into a pout, "Hannie, please."

[Wonwoo J - 14:12] Flying back today. Care to have dinner at my place tomorrow?

"Oh." Your heart felt like a young bird, threatening to escape the cage that was your ribcage, beating so loud, you barely reigstered your own reply. You'd met him before - more than once, even! - why were you so fucking nervous? Was this normal? Oh god. "H- he invited me to his place tomorrow."

"Oh fun, spicy second date then?"

"What?! Oh my god, he wants to fuck me?! I- I haven't even shaved in like a month!" You shot up onto your knees, fingers still firmly grasping your phone as you stared down at your roommate with panic in your eyes. "He wants to fuck me, right? This is what this means! Right? Right?!"

"Holy shit, calm down." The way his tone remained basically unbothered, only added fuel to the whirlwind of thoughts coursing through your brain, a string of whines slipping past your lips.

"What if he wants to fuck?"

"Then he wants to fuck", he shrugged, nonchalant smirk slowly creeping back onto his face. No matter how annoying Hannie could be, his quiet confidence worked wonders on you in times of stress. "You don't have to do anything, geez. If you also wanna smash your bits together, then wear something sexy or something. Didn't your ex get you the tacky lace set for your birthday? If you don't - then don't? He didn't buy you, y/n, you can say 'no', I'm pretty sure he'll live."

This gave you pause. He had a point, a pretty good one even. Nothing explicit had been stated so far, as to what Wonwoo expected from you in your arrangement. There was... an undeniable interest he had you, that much seemed obvious to you - yet the details were fuzzy to you. What was it that had piqued his interest in you? Sure, there was you talent for are - which you'd have to discuss with him again tomorrow evening - but what else was there? A teeny, tiny part of you screamed and begged for it to be romantic interest - though the more rational part within you wasn't quite so sure. He's a man who could have anything and anyone. So why would he require someone like you in his life, if not, for some strange power fantasy that you probably would never really understand.

You let yourself fall back to your previous position, brows still furrowed as you pinched the bridge of your nose in a feeble attempt to calm your approaching headache. The question still stood - Would you want to fuck Wonwoo? All insecurities and feelings of pressure aside, did you want him? He was attractive, that's for sure. There was something special in the way he presented himself, you felt, a bit awkward, a bit stiff, yet still elegant. You liked the way he texted like a man 20 years his senior, liked that he sent you passages of books he'd read, liked his deep laugh. You swallowed.

"Why the fuck do you still remember the lace set Jonah got me?", you grinned, wrinkling your nose at the memory of your ex.

"Because, for some reason, he thought it was necessary to ask me for my opinion. Such a charmer."

You smacked his arm. "And then you guys got me the tacky one? Tsk, you call yourself my friend."

Jeonghan's smirk only deepened. "You mean, you call me your friend. I just kinda let you." Another smack, this time a tad less gentle than the previous one. "Ow- Alright, alright! Put that energy into your hookup."

Moreso a question than a statement, your gaze shifted back to the display of your phone, thumbs hovering over your keyboard. "Shush you", you snickered. "I gotta respond before he thinks I'm blowing him off."

[y/n - 14:27] sounds good xx pick me up from my place?

Wonwoo's reply came in a matter of seconds.

[Wonwoo J - 14:28] Send me your address

[Wonwoo J - 14:28] I'll send my driver to pick you up.

[y/n - 14:30] will do!! have a safe flight!!!

It should be illegal to feel this giddy about dinner plans. Illegal enough for you to be locked up, so you could calmly succumb to your feelings of yearning for a man so incredibly out if your league, it almost hurt. A sigh on your end, "He'll be so disappointed to hear I haven't done any painting while he was gone."

"Eh", Jeonghan chuckled. "I'm sure that won't be the first thing on his mind once he sees you."

♡♡♡♡♡♡

John Everett Millais, you read, tuning out the distinct chatter of your parents' conversing with your father's work colleague. Your seven year old self had been enthralled by the dark hues on the painting you'd noticed above their dinner table. A woman floating in water, hair a soft shade of red, mouth agape, surrounded by water and flowers - you could feel something profound stir inside your gears then. The unknown evoked emotion you had no inkling of yet, though it felt, as if she could pry them out of you just by her presence.

Why was she in the water? You'd wondered to yourself, your dessert that consisted of cheap strawberry ice cream, completey forgotten. And why was she still wearing her dress? Was she a rich lady? A princess maybe? A sad princess who wanted take a bath in a pond? But if she was a princess, then didn't she have a bathtub in her castle?

Maybe the painter, John Something, knew the answer to all the questions that were floating inside your brain, distracting you from the sweet taste on your tongue. Maybe there were secrets only painters knew when they looked upon a scene to capture. You frowned, thinking about your own pictures. While yours gained a lot of praise from your parents, comparing them to the glamour and sadness of Princess in front of you, let a strange sense of disappointment course through your veins.

And you quickly realized - You weren't one to settle for disappointment. There was a drive, inside that bundle of shame you were subjected to. A drive to do better, to improve, to create. A smile crept its way to your lips. Maybe your mother was right to bring you along to the boring business dinner after all.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

You almost jumped at the sound of your phone vibrating with a new notification, nerves already on edge.

[Wonwoo J - 18:02] Should arrive in ca 10 min. I'll see you later.

As soon as you'd received the text, you rushed to the bathroom mirror, reapplying your bold shade of lipstick for the millionth time that evening. Your reflection stared back at you with wide eyes. Would he notice the amount of effort you put into looking effortless?

The drive to Wonwoo's apartment was relatively quiet. His driver had parked directly in front of the entrance to your building, exactly ten minutes after you'd gotten the confirmation, a polite smile graced his lips. It felt a bit too spacious to sit all by yourself in the back, windows tinted black and driver completely silent, focused on the busy road ahead of you. Although, you'd most likely dislike it even more, if he had decided to start a conversation with you - You didn't quite mind, being alone with your thoughts. Fidgeting with the hem of your dress, you listened to the hum of the motor, attempting to drown out the sound of your rapid heartbeat. This would be your second maybe-something-akin-to-a-date... an almost-date. Or did the several phone calls count as something?

"Miss?"

You blinked a few times, turning your head towards the driver, fingers still clutching your dress. "Yes?"

There was a hint of a smile in his tone, as he raised his brows, meeting your eyes through the reer view mirror. "We're here."

"Oh", was your reply, only now realizing how the car had come to a halt, the hum of the engine gone. With heavy legs, you shuffled to open the door. "Thank you so much for picking me up."

He gave you a nod, smile lines appearing around the corners of his eyes. "No problem, Miss. Have a wonderful night."

The calmness of this stranger acted like an antidote to the anxiety poisoning your thoughts, offering a shy smile in return. The kindness stood in stark contrast to the playful harshness your best friend usually soothed you with, though nonetheless effective.

The building was huge, entry halls adorned with minimalistic art, you'd never even seen before. The simplicity of the design, you mused, was too pretentious to admire. The echo of your shoes hitting the marble floor, felt like an intrusion. The gall, the echo sneers at you in your mind, the nerve you must possess daring to trespass. Wealthiness evidently could not buy good taste.

After a dreadfully long elevator ride (and a very awkward coversation with the concierge), you finally find yourself right amidst Wonwoo's four walls. If you could call it that. You weren't quite sure what you'd expected to find - A coffin and a chandelier? White walls and a furniture made of glass? Though reality was far more grounded than one could expect. A row of paintings adorned his walls - some of them modern, some of them clsssics - soft music was coming from, what you presumed to be, his kitchen. It almost seemed... ordinary. You frowned.

"Y/N?", you heard his voice from somewhere out of sight. "Yeah, hi! It's me! The uh- concierge? Let me up, I hope that's okay."

His reply was instant. "Why wouldn't it be? I told him I'm expecting a lady." Your frown melted into a smile at his words. "Come to the kitchen, will you? Dinner's almost done."

Rounding the corner, your ran your fingers through your hair as one last effort to tidy yourself up more. Any confidence you'd tried to muster up prior, faltered at the sight of him. Gone was the usual business suit, traded for a nice black shirt and jeans. You were painfully aware of your contrasting attire, the urge to curse yourself feeling unbearable. His back was facing you, unscrewing a way to expensive looking bottle of wine.

"Hi", you greeted again.

His eyes immediately lit up as he turned to face you, a smile hanging off his lips. "You- Oh, wow." his brows shot up, his long fingers adjusting the frame of his glasses, as if he to check the validity of the image in front of him. "You look-"

"I'm sorry if this is too much? I don't know why I thought, you'd meant like a proper dinner, that's on me", the longer you spoke, the heavier your chest, your brain begging you to shut up already.

Wonwoo merely shook his head, softly laughing. "Well, I'm not complaining, don't worry-"

"Also so sorry I interrupted you, I didn't mean to." A pause followed.

"Hm", he cocked his head to the side, gaze searching your own. His frame, even in casual clothing was just as intimidating as you remembered. "Still so shy and nervous? I didn't expect that."

"I'm not shy-"

"But the evening's still young", he smiled at the appearance of your pout. "And I hope you like take out. I tried cooking one of Mingyu's recipes and it was... not as easy as expected."

Any snarky comment died right on your tongue at his tone. Taking one of the half full glasses located on his marble counter top, you quipped, "Harder than it looks to recreate artistry like that, right?"

He gazed down at you, taking a sip of wine himself. "And you're a great cook then, I assume?"

Without meaning to, your shoulder brushed against his arm, the proximity after all these evenings getting to know him making you dizzier than the alcohol. This is the same Wonwoo, you reminded yourself. The same cat loving, nerdy man you've been talking to all those days. "That's for you to find out next time."

For a blink of an eye you thought you saw his chest rise and shoulders stiffen, though his face remained the same mask of indifference you were used to. You considered this a triumph. "Well uh- I can't wait to find out."

Once dinner finally arrived, korean food made a restaurant you'd never heard of, you settled in his dining room with your second glass of wine of the evening. Deciding to ignore the gnawing question of just how expensive the bottle must have been. The food was way too well prepared to let bad thoughts ruin it either way. Conversation was just as easy as you remembered it. You'd gasp at any teasing remark and he gave affirming nods when you vented about work, art or your very impossible roommate. Though the latter conversation topic never seemed to earn you any smiles.

"And Layla was the...?", his face scrunched up as he tried to remember, leaning back in his chair. "Waitress? She seems sweet from what you've told me, what happened?"

You shook your head, giggling into your glass. "Exactly! What happened!", a sigh. "But he's great. Sometimes that is. When he's not lying to make me look stupid or convince me to do dumb stuff."

"Like what?", he asked, fingertip brushing alongside the glass. You really did hope he had yet to catch you staring at his hands.

You waved him off with a flick of your wrist, groaning at the memory of all of Jeonghan's previous shenanigans. "One time he gaslit me - and yes, it was gaslighting! - into making me do his laundry for a month! A month! I can't believe I fell for it too", you'd bury your face in your hand if you didn't have any makeup on. "He even convinced me to wear all this, can you believe him? Dress, lace set, hairdo-"

"Lace set?", Wonwoo repeated. Your smile dropped in an instant.

"What?"

"You said he made you wear a lace set." It wasn't a question, really. It was a statement the needed an answer. A response, an explanation, a confession. Every fiber of your being stood alert, ready to flee the scene and fling yourself off the balcony if needed.

Your eyes drifted to your empty plate, looking for an appropriate response in the remnants of your kimchi rice. "I did?"

"I'm afraid so." You weren't sure when Wonwoo had left his seat, his long legs looking too handsome as he sauntered closer to you. "Were you hoping on me seeing you in it tonight?", he asked, now only a few steps away from you.

A trap question. He knew your answer already, you were sure. It was the hidden sadistic nature in him that urged you out of your shell and into the humiliation of utter vulnerability. In a last act of defiance, you blinked up at where he stood, not paying heed to the beating of your heart. "Hannie told me to-"

"Since when are you doing what anyone tells you to?" The warmth of his fingers found your cheek. His touch felt electrifying. "If you don't want me to see, all you have to do is tell me. Use your words."

Your breath hitched in your throat. "I... hoped you would."

A smirk spread on his lips, bending down until he was on eye level with you. Licking his lips, his eyes drifted down to yours, an unspoken question lingering between you, before he rasped, "That's what I thought."

He had you on your back, dress long discarded between the couch and the dining room, as you lay there writhing in your underwear, his mouth pressing open mouthed kisses to you neck. The friction of your bra against the silky fabric of his shirt felt almost sinful as his hand reached for your chest, quiet whines slipping past your lips. Whatever you'd hoped for, you'd never have thought he'd actually want you like this. Maybe the alcohol had messed with your brain too much.

"You're so pretty like this", Wonwoo breathed, slipping your panties to the side before he ran his thumb over your clit. A sharp inhale escaped you, body jolting against him in surprise. He smiled into your skin. "Let me hear you."

It felt forbidden to see him still this in control, while you were somewhere between bliss and anxiety. He lay fully clothed on top of you, using his knees to spread your thighs apart for easier access, glasses foggy. You'd almost giggle at the sight. "Fuh- Oh", you gasped, a finger finally sliding into you, wetness coating his hand in the blink of an eye. "Wonwoo..."

A soft laugh. "Yeah?"

"More", you demanded, hips grinding into his steadily moving hand.

"More? Whatever could she mean?" He grinned at your frustrated huff, kissing the top of your lace covered breasts.

"You know!", you grumbled. Or whined. You weren't quite so sure anymore.

He complied to your demands, adding another, long finger, heel of his palm rubbing against your sensitive clit. Moan after moan tumbled from your parted lips, pressure rising in the pit of your stomach with every flick of his wrist. It'd been too long for you to properly relish this moment, pleasure almost too fleeting before even falling off the edge. An artist's curse to live in melancholy and nostalgia.

As your hip brushing against his crotch, he finally let a moan of his own slip, squeezing his eyes shut. The sight was almost too much to bear for you. He looked so handsome like this - cheeks flushed, slightly out of breath. You stared in awe. "Your pussy's so tight", he sighed.

"Won-" a gasp. And with a brush against your spongie spot inside you and the friction against your clit, you let go. Pleasure illuminating your whole body. Wonwoo could swear you shined as bright as any beacon at that moment.

He kissed your lips for the final time, soft and sweet, before he gathered you up in his arms, hugging your fucked out form closet to his chest. "What about you?", he heard you mumble, face buried in the crook of his neck. He only shook his head, reaching for a blanket to cover you with. "I'm tired."

You'd slept surprisingly well on his couch, the fabric of the cushions softer than most of the bedsheets you'd slept in. Though as you stretched out to find the man on your mind, you were met with an empty spot. Reluctantly, you opened your eyes, after sex exhaustion and alcohol making your lids feel especially heavy this morning. "Oh fuck", you cursed softly, images from last night flooding your mind. The memories of his lips on your skin, his kisses, his hands... It was way too early to think about all of this.

You rolled to your side, on the search for your phone, a creme colored envelope catching your eye immediately. Careful not to tear the paper, you squinted trying to make out Wonwoo's handwriting.

Last night was lovely. I transferred some money to your account - There's a new art dealer in town. Let's talk soon.

Money. Oh. Yeah, you remembered. This is what this was about, how could you forget? It's an arrangement first and foremost. Your fingers felt numb as you held the piece of paper in the too big, too expensive, too empty apartment of Jeon Wonwoo. Wealthy trustfund kid, CEO to be Jeon Wonwoo. How could you forget?

[hypergamiss]

A co worker of mine told me a story about her friend who was chewed up and spit out by this European woman who just wanted American citizenship. They dated for 3 years, he bought a house for her, planned a wedding in less than a month, and in 3 weeks she had him served at his job with divorce papers. I guess, he's not taking it well at all. He's a 40 year old veteran who already had a messed up psyche from ptsd and what she did to him was the icing on the cake. My co worker said that he disappeared after she humiliated him and he's been hard to keep track of since then.

The gold digger in me is in awe of that woman's savagery but at the same time I low-key feel bad for him because she used the hell out of him. I'm really on the fence about it and I've been asking myself if I have the balls to pull off such an elaborate stunt and destroy someone's mental health and reputation like that. This woman is now making like $300k a year and had time to make up this whole plan while she was working on her advanced degree. She didn't even have the decency to leave town afterwards, she just bought a different house and he decided to move because he was so bothered by her proximity lol. She won the IDGAF wars for real lol.

Honestly, men do much much worse to women all the time and I admire her for putting her feelings aside and going after what she wanted. I've always struggled with not getting caught up in the emotions of my relationships with men and end up losing sight of why I even started entertaining them in the first place. I feel like if I learn to be this level of calloused and cold, then I will it pay off ten fold. what do you think?

Girl, omg. I have several thoughts about this.

I don’t know what she looks like, but I’m willing to bet she’s very attractive and confident. Probably the type to max out her looks. Sometimes I think a man can avoid this by being realistic and dating at his level. But no, some of them will value looks over everything and that’s the trend I see with “passport bros.” They pass up perfectly amazing women because they don’t take into account personality and then end up resenting the person they chose.

I don’t think I could pull that off and be that cold to a man unless I knew for a fact he wasn’t a good person. I’ve never had to pull elaborate stunts like that one but I’ve had my fair share of leveling the playing field. Most of us don't have that ice-queen persona ready to go. Maybe there's more to her story, or he REALLY messed up to spark that level of revenge.

I do agree men tend to do much worse and for once she came out on top in this situation, she never let go of her ambition and goals. I don’t necessarily think you have to be “cold” to get good outcomes in your relationships. I think it’s more about being emotionally “strong” to keep your boundaries in place and not taking men so seriously until they’ve shown you that they lead with their actions, not words. So many times I hear women say something along the lines of “he said he’s going to buy me a house, he said he’s getting me a ring, he said he’s going to do this and that, etc” and actually believe a man based on just his words. Sometimes they even decide to give a man a child just because he said he would do a million things without having done a single one yet. Words are just, literally WORDS. I can look into your eyes and tell you that you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid my eyes on without ever actually meaning any of it.

I suggest gatekeeping your time and energy until men follow through with everything they say they will do, including treating you right. When they act right, you slowly give them more access to you. If they don’t follow through with their actions, you start to pull away. That’s it. My favorite is when they don’t even speak about what they’re going to do, they just literally do it by surprise and sweep you off your feet.

[angelsvoice1love]

Chances

Looking across to Hoseok, you couldn't believe what was happening. He was kissing the girl that was the biggest bitch in the world to you. From where you were standing, you could see that they were making out full throttle. Tongues fighting for control, as he pulled away smirking and leading her away.

Tears started to well up in your eyes, as the thoughts of a week ago ran through your mind.

*flashback*

Y/n: Hobi-

Hoseok: STOP! He yelled, as he pushed you away making you fall against the glass table. Y...y/n-

Y/n: What the hell is wrong with you? You asked, as the blood trickled down your arm.

Hoseok: I-

Jin: Are you crazy? Jin asked, as he ran towards you helping you up.

Y/n: What the hell has been going on with you? You've never spoke to me like this, you never yelled at me since we started dating and now...now you hurt me? What's going on?

Hoseok: You want to know what's going on? I hate you.

Yoongi: Hobi, you don't hate her.

Hoseok: Yes I do. She's a horrible bitch.

Y/n: Y...you what? You asked, voice shaking at what he said.

Hoseok: Lili told me, that she saw you kissing another man.

Y/n: What? Hobi I would n-

Hoseok: STOP LYING! He yelled again, making you flinch. Y/n-

Y/n: Fine then. I'm done. If you can't believe me, then we're done. You replied, picking up your purse and jacket and leaving the dorm.

Namjoon: Hoseok, do you really think that y/n that you've been dating for 3 years would cheat on you?

Hoseok: Why don't you all just stay out of this? What happens in my private life, has nothing to do with any of you.

Jimin: We know your angry right now, but to actually hurt y/n-

Hoseok: That was an accident. I'd never hurt her.

Taehyung: Really? From what I saw you hurt her really bad. You yelled at her, you said you hated her and you actually believed Lili who's had wanted you for years over y/n? Not to mention you didn't even give her side of the story or explain anything, did Lili show you any proof of this happening?

Hoseok: What? No, but-

Jungkook: But nothing. You really wronged y/n, and above all you hurt her emotionally and physically. Jungkook said with anger in his voice.

Walking to the door Jin, took his jacket off the rack and put on his shoes ready to leave the dorm.

Yoongi: Where are you going?

Jin: To take y/n to the hospital. She messeged me and asked for a ride to the emergency room. I'll let you guys know what the doctor said. Jin spoke, as he looked at Hoseok raising his brow before breaking eye contact and leaving.

Nanjoom: I'm going to go with them, maybe afterwards we could go for dinner.

Boys: Were coming too.

Hoseok: W...would you tell me if she's okay?

Jungkook: Haven't you done enough? You don't deserve to know anything.

*End of flashback*

Feeling a hand on your shoulder you looked up too see none other than Wooyoung. The beautiful and handsome member of 2pm.

Wooyoung: Hi, y/n. He smiled, as he hugged you.

Y/n: Hi. It's been a while. How have you been, how was the tour?

Wooyoung: Good. Great. We got back yesterday, so we could be here for the party. I...i heard what happened. Jin called me, I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner.

Y/n: Don't be. And...I'm sorry I didn't call you, I just needed time to heal...physically and emotionally. I should even be here, but Jimin wanted me here and I've tried everything to avoid seeing Hoseok but it's...it's not possible.

Wooyoung: How about we get out of here? I just need to tell the guys and ask them to make up an excuse...maybe tell them to say I wasn't feeling well...yeah. Then we could get dinner somewhere, what do you say?

Y/n: You'd do that for me?

Wooyoung: Absolutely.

Y/n: Okay, I just need to use the restroom. See you at the entrance?

Nodding you both went your separate ways, as you opened the door to the bathroom you saw Hoseok with his pants on the floor and Lili's underwear at her ankles as they both froze seeing you. Smirking Hoseok, started to thrust in Lili making her groan, blinking fast you turned on your heel and ran out of there as fast as you could.

Waiting by the entrance was Wooyoung, making his way towards you as you grabbed his hand and walked fearsly.

Wooyoung: Woah, wait...stop. Y/n, you could hurt yourself if you keep walking that fast. Y/n, stop. Wooyoung said, as he pulled you to a stop. What's going on?

Y/n: He...he...Hoseok...he-

Wooyoung: He what?

Y/n: He was with Lili in the bathroom...they were...h...they were having sex.

Wooyoung: What?

Jin: Y/n there you are, we were worried like crazy. Guys I found her.

Namjoon: Wooyoung, what going on?

Wooyoung: Y/n, tell them.

Y/n: I went to the bathroom when I saw Hoseok and Lili having sex. They both stopped just for a few seconds when Hoseok, put that stupid ass smirk on his face and carried on. W...why? With her? You asked, as you started to cry again.

Stepping forward Wooyoung took you in his arms, rubbing your back as he kissed your forehead.

Wooyoung: Y/n-

Y/n: I'm sorry...i just...i need to be alone tonight.

Wooyoung: At least let me take you home, please.

Nodding, you got in Wooyoung car as he drove you to your apartment. Sitting in silence, Wooyoung told you that you were here and all you did was stare out the cars window.

Wooyoung: Y/n?

Y/n: Mmm? O...yeah, thank you. I'll call you tomorrow, then we can set up a proper day out together. It's the least I could do for canceling on you like this.

Wooyoung: No need, I understand. How about you take your time, and then we'll take it from there.

Y/n: Take my time?

Wooyoung: Yes. Cool off for a while, clear your head and then, and only then we can make plans for a fun filled day together. He said, giving you a wink.

Y/n: Okay. You know...I'm really grateful that you are in my life. My brother really hit the jackpot when he became friends with you.

Wooyoung: I got lucky too. And I'll still stand by my promise. I'll always be here for you no matter what. He said, as he placed his hand on yours giving it a light squeeze. Goodnight y/n.

Y/n: Goodnight Oppa. You smiled, as you gave him a kiss on the cheek and went to the apartment building.

A while after taking a shower and blow drying your hair, you sat in front of the couch watching one of your favorite k-dramas when there was a loud knock on the door. Frowning you got up, as you opened the door to reveal none other than Hoseok. Still in his burgandee tux, he wore to the event a while ago.

Y/n: What are you doing here? You asked, folding your arms across your chest.

Hoseok: I needed to...i...can we talk please.

Y/n: Talk? Why would I want to talk to you?

Hoseok: Y/n-

Y/n: No. Hobi-I...i mean...ugh just go please. You asked, turning around before he grabbed your wrist.

Hoseok: Why won't you talk to me?

Y/n: Really? You practically yelled, as you pulled your arm away. I don't want to talk to you because...i...i can't deal with hurting again. Everytime I see you...i keep thinking of that night when you broke up with me, then when I see the pictures on my phone I can't help but think of the good memories. I...Hoseok, you...you need to leave please.

Looking at you, Hoseok saw the tears welling in your eyes as he took a step forward kissing you.

Y/n: What are you doing? You asked, as you wiped your mouth.

Hoseok: I'm kissing you.

Y/n: The hell you are. There is no way, you are coming near me with that mouth or body. I know where it's been, and I don't want it touching me.

Hoseok: What do you mean.

Y/n: You were with Lili. You had sex a while ago, and now your here begging me to do whatever.

Hoseok: Y/n, I miss-

Y/n: Don't say you miss me. You chose to believe her, you chose to date her, and now your here. Just...please leave me alone.

Hoseok: I broke up with Lili. After seeing you in the bathroom I realized I truly love you, and I never stopped. I guess believing in someone different made it easier for me instead of listening, to the truth. I'm sorry, about all the pain I caused you physically and emotionally. And I never meant to hurt you that night. If...i don't ever see you again, then at least I got to say sorry. And, I don't expect you to forgive me...not for anything. Goodbye y/n. He said, as he disappeared in the night.

1 year later

Running on your usual trail, you saw a familiar dog running your way and saw none other than the adorable Mickey.

Y/n: Mickey. You said, as you picked him up. It's been such a long time. Awe you got cuter. You said as you kissed the fur ball, that nuzzled in your neck.

Hoseok: MICKEY! MICKEY! M- Oh, y/n. Thank goodness you found Mickey.

Y/n: It's more like Mickey found me. You giggled as he licked your face. I think you should go back to your daddy. You said, giving Mickey to Hoseok.

Hoseok: Thank you. How are you.

Y/n: Good, you?

Hoseok: Good. Been a long time.

Y/n: Are you attempting to try, small talk?

Hoseok: I...ugh...i don't really know what to say, I mean the guys haven't spoken about you around the dorm.

Y/n: Yeah, I...i asked them never to talk about me around you. I also asked them, to text me if they want to come over instead of calling...or at least go to another room to call. Anyway, I...i should be going. You said as you turned to leave, but got stopped by Hoseok voice.

Hoseok: Would you...would you like to have dinner sometime?

Y/n: I...i would love that. Instead of going out how about, we have dinner at my place tonight?

Nodding you smiled, as you ran off, to your apartment where you kicked off your shoes and froze at the thought you had. What did you just do? Why did you invite him over? Blowing air, you quickly got dinner ready and took a shower to look perfect. Then ding, dong. He was here, he came.

Nodding you made sure your makeup wasn't smudged, and headed for the door where Hoseok was standing looking cute in his outfit and little Mickey by his side.

Hoseok: I hope it's okay that I brought Mickey. The guys are gone for the weekend and I stayed at the dorm, I was going to leave tomorrow but I couldn't after I saw you. He said, making you smile. Mickey has something for you.

Looking down, you saw the the little dog, had a single red rose in his mouth which caused you to smile as you bent down to take it from him. Alas it wasn't a real rose, but a plastic rose with something inside.

Frowning you opened it, and threw out the content on your hand to reveal a pink set of earrings.

Y/n: They're beautiful. Thank you, Mickey. You giggled, as you kissed the fur ball and made way for Hoseok to enter.

Time skip

You and Hoseok were watching a romcom kdrama which was now a little awkward, as there was a kissing scene in the drama made you swallow as you sat up slightly and moved a little.

Hoseok: Don't do that. Don't move away.

Y/n: What? I'm not doing-

Hoseok: You are. He said, as he pulled you towards him by your ankles. I lost you once, I won't be doing it again. He whispered, against your lips.

Y/n: I...Hoseok-

Hoseok: Sorry. He said, letting you go as he pulled away.

Y/n: W...would you like to kiss me?

Hoseok didn't hesitate to kiss you, as he kissed you passionately.

Y/n: Mm...listen...if we...i-

Hoseok: I love you, y/n. He said, as he kissed your lips. I love your eyes. He said, kissing each eye. I love how you puff up your cheeks when you get upset. He said, kissing each cheek. I love how you make me feel, every time you place your hands on my body. He said, kissing each hand. I love every part of you. And I'll show you how much I love you. He said, as he started to kiss your jaw to your neck.

Y/n: I...Hoseok...i...i can't. You replied, as you pulled away from the kiss. I'm sorry.

Hoseok: No. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have started anything. I should go.

Y/n: What, no. I want you to stay.

Hoseok: What?

Y/n: I want you to stay. I just...I'm not ready for a physical side of anything yet. I missed you too...and I still love you. I always have, and I always will. So, if your willing. You said, while approaching him and taking his hand. I'm willing to give this another chance.

Hoseok: I'll do anything to get any chance from you. I love you, y/n. Would you forgive me for everything I've done?

Y/n: Yes. You replied, as you pulled him closer. I forgive you. You smiled, as you gave him a soft yet passionate kiss.

[septembersghost]

u really bouta make me rewatch bates motel omg. i .. i have a confession, i never finished the last season after the thing happened. i was just so sad and took a break that ended up taking a long time but now i think im strong enough lol

you should do it!!!

full disclosure, i finished S4 in march (i distinctly remember feeling like it should've been december, because 4x10 is the saddest christmas episode of anything you could ever watch in your life), and i still have three episodes left in S5. this is partially because i've been dragging it out intentionally as i haven't been ready to say goodbye to it, and partially because after speeding through S1-4 in like six weeks, getting to that loss - even knowing it was coming all along - hit me quite heavily and i needed to sit with it for a while rather than quickly wrapping the story up. (i CANNOT hear "mr. sandman" without tears springing to my eyes. bring me a dream...)

vera was ROBBED in never getting an emmy for her performance (freddie too, imo, not to mention the episodes he wrote!), i honestly consider her to have given one of the most affecting and multilayered performances of a female character. it would be so easy to only make norma a victim, or a villain even, and she is never reduced to that, she's so fully formed and felt and wonderful (even when she's awful. she's allowed).

there's a post i have that had the best description from a review: “I'll always remember Norma Bates at her most indefatigable. Despite her perpetual suspicion that the world was out to stick it to her and her family, Norma could rise to a challenge like few others. Remember when she first moved in to that big drafty old house? She didn’t see the cracks and the peeling paint; she saw opportunity. Norma was like that, always seeing chances where others might presume dead ends. And if she decided you were on her side, she was fiercely loyal. She didn’t let many people in, but when she did, she was all in. For all her flaws, she was a hell of a woman. Still, we come here not to bury Norma Bates, but to praise her. Because what this season of Bates Motel has shown us is that Norma was never just a victim of her own impulsive and stubborn neuroses. She was a victim of circumstance; freed from the claustrophobic air of her codependent relationship with her son, Norma blossomed. She found love and a measure of contentment, however fleeting. Even when she was denying to everyone, including herself, just how dangerous Norman was, she managed to rise above her traumas and insecurities, and build a marriage with a good man. It was a revelation watching Vera Farmiga this year. Who knew she’d been concealing a gentle and understated romantic beneath those layers of Norma Bates’ high-camp hijinks all this time? Farmiga was always very, very good: This season, she was superlative.”

part of norma's tragedy, of course, is she and norman would never be able to escape that codependency, they are bound together inextricably, and she would always choose him over everyone, and he would always want to keep her, and they would never be able to protect each other, and it would always be like fire and powder.

that said, the show doesn't take that lightly - norma's absence is felt everywhere, by everyone, it emotionally drives the season - and i don't know if you've ever seen psycho, but the way the writers took that and reimagined it is masterful. i screamed at the way the actual marion crane plot played out. also, mother is an incredible, terrifying character - all the warmth that norma had, the life in her, her love and her bravery, her fury and her compassion, is gone. if norma was the sun, mother is icy winter, shrewd and calculating, her anger a different dagger than norma's ever could have been, and even when there's some measure of anything resembling affection from her, it's wrong. it's worth watching just to see vera in that performance. freddie was also amazing and got to do so much to flesh norman out and to speak to his mental state as it unravels, as he becomes more aware of the horror around him but struggles with knowing how to stop it.

i think S4 is a perfect, though heartbreaking, season of television, and S5 directly draws from that. though i haven't seen it yet, i do know how it ends and it's fitting, and i know i will cry.

they did something that on paper sounds like an awful idea - who asked for a prequel/reimagining of a classic film, right? - and found such a cool way to tell it, to make those characters breathe, to handle it with some humor (camp, even, at times) and with gravity (especially in regards to the perspective it has on the impact of such relentless trauma that both norma and norman endure). i'm rambling, but the way they found real depths of humanity and such a beating heart in it, in its characters, in not turning a blind eye to the terrible things they do and yet never judging them for it, but digging in closer to find some understanding for them, in illuminating all different kinds of love in their power and terror and agony and beauty, in love's destruction and renewal, makes the show really affecting to me.

[spencers-dria]

Lost in a Daydream

Someone to Stay Ch. 14

Content/Trigger Warnings: darker topics on death and mentions of alcohol

You step into your patients room, closing the door gently behind you. The palliative care nurse is already in the room, breaking the news to the husband.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Gray. I know you love Cristina very much. This is a difficult time, and we are here to help you through it in any way we can."

"Help?! You're not helping!" He yells as he stands up, pushing the nurses hand off his shoulder.

"If you were really helping you'd be saving her not letting her die!" Tears start to stream down his face as he clenches his fists, his face red with anger.

"I know it's hard to understand. There's nothing else that can be done. It's been 30 days on the ventilator. Do you remember the paperwork she filled out? She didn't want to live like this."

"Don't you dare tell me what my wife wanted! And I don't care about any damn paperwork! I'm her husband, and I should get final say!"

His body language has definitely become more aggressive. You step in to help diffuse the tension, and act as backup if needed. You quickly page the charge nurse, before things escalate. You'd rather have too much help than not enough.

"I know you're hurting Mr. Gray. We truly are sorry. But your wife made legally binding choices, and we have to honor her wishes. We will help you through every step and make her as comfortable as possible."

"I've heard enough! I'm not gonna stick around here to watch you people kill my wife!"

He storms out pushing past both of you, nearly knocking over the charge nurse on her way into the room.

The three of you share a look, knowing how hard this can be on families. You get ready to continue the process, making sure you stick by Cristina Gray's side so she's not alone.

A couple hours later, it's the end of shift and you're completely beat, emotionally and physically. Luckily you made plans for a girls night, and if anyone can cheer you up, it's Penelope Garcia.

You arrive at Penelope's apartment to find that Aunt JJ and Emily have already arrived. They're all sitting around chatting with full wine glasses. 10 things I Hate About You is on in the background, a classic. You plop down on the couch, reaching over to the coffee table to pour yourself a glass of wine.

"Long day, huh?" Emily asks, looking genuinely concerned.

"Yeah we had to let a patient go. The family didn't take it too well."

"I'm so sorry, Y/N." JJ says while wrapping an arm around you to give you a comforting squeeze.

Penelope gets up from her seat to embrace you in a hug. You needed that.

You take in a deep breath before responding. "Thank you, all of you. But I'll be ok, I'm pretty used to it. Tonight I just want to relax, and have fun!"

"Well in that case, how are things going with Spencer?" Emily raises her eyebrows, giving you a smirk.

"Emily!" JJ chastises her, giving her a look of exasperation.

You laugh it off. "No it's okay. We're good friends. We are uh... well we are planning a trip. He's never been to The Wizarding World in Orlando. So..."

You feel your face start to burn as the three of them give you knowing looks, JJ included.

"But you like him right?" Penelope pipes up.

Your eyes go wide and you know you've turned completely red. "I don't uhhm...well I don't..."

You bury your face in your hands, gripping at your hair. You finally breath the words out. "I don't know." It's the closest you've come to acknowledging that there might be something between the two of you.

"Well, I will say this, he's a wonderful guy. And the two of you seem to really enjoy your time together. Now if you don't feel that way, that's fine too. There's no pressure."

How is it that Aunt JJ can always put you completely at ease. You look up at her with a nervous smile.

The other two chime in "Yeah no pressure!" "We're just being nosy!"

Penelope whispers a little to loudly to Emily "They'd be really cute together though..."

"I know right!" Emily grins.

You can't help but giggle, a smile breaking through on your face. It wasn't the worst idea.

"I wanted to kiss him the other day, I think."

That got their attention. They've now gathered around you, prodding for more information.

Penelope insisting you tell the whole story of what happened. You recount how he showed up at your door, calling you pretty when you felt you looked your worst. You explained how the two of you had laid closer for the movie, how having your head on his shoulder made your heart race.

"So, when are you going to tell him?" JJ asks.

"Oh! Oh no...I couldn't. I can't! There's no way he would ever..."

Emily cuts you off. "Yes there is way he would ever." She laughs, rolling her eyes. "You're gorgeous and kind and funny. Based on the way he looks at you, it's a pretty sure bet he knows all of that to be true."

"The way he l-looks at me?" You falter at the thought. You'd never noticed anything.

"Oh my gosh yes!" Penelope squeals. "He looks at you like you're the best thing he's ever seen, like he'd do anything for you. It's straight out of a romance novel."

You feel your face turning red again, as you swallow the growing lump in your throat. The thought of talking to Spencer about any of this really does a number on your anxiety.

"We'll see. I'll just...well maybe he'll say something."

"Have you met Spencer?" Emily jests giving you a look that says that's a stretch.

You just laugh it off. Now that you think about it, you've been growing feelings for him for weeks now. You'd even admit to feeling something at Rossi's dinner party. But you were just now coming to terms with this. You've barely processed it yourself. You're definitely not ready to dump it all on Spencer.

Attention slowly turns back to the movie as the other three continue sipping on their wine, chatting about what a great match Kat and Patrick make. But your thoughts are anywhere but the movie. You find yourself imaging what it would be like to date Spencer. He's already such a wonderful friend,

you can't help but wonder how he would act in the role of boyfriend. You wonder what it would be like to kiss him. He's probably so shy and timid, knowing Spencer. He's such a sweetheart. The thought has you smiling to yourself.

The other three ladies notice your attention is elsewhere as the see the look on your face. They all exchange knowing looks and smiles.

————————————————————

Spencer POV:

Since the girls were having a night together, Morgan insisted we do something as well. Somehow we landed on the gym, which I certainly did not vote for. Hotch and Rossi both had plans so it's just me and Morgan. After dragging me to several different machines, he finally lets us take a water break.

"You're getting better at keeping up pretty boy. I remember when you first started and you couldn't make it through more than 5 minutes," he laughs.

I roll my eyes but decide to take it as a compliment.

"You gotta keep in shape for the ladies am I right? Or should I say lady?" He wiggles his eyebrows at me a huge grin on his face.

"I don't know what you're taking about." I look at the wall in front of me as I sit to do some stretches, avoiding his gaze at all cost.

"Oh c'mon don't play dumb with me man. I've seen the way you look at Y/N. And don't you two spend all your free time together?"

"Morgan, no! We're just friends!"

"Oh okay. You're telling me, you've honestly never thought about dating her?"

I open my mouth to respond but nothing comes out. He's not wrong. I sit there for a minute, thinking about all the times the thought had crossed my mind. I remember the butterflies I felt when we were sitting in the coffee shop together. I think about all the movie nights where I had to stop myself from grabbing her hand. Then there was the night at the bar, when it was all I could do not to lean in and kiss her as she danced with me. I must look completely lost in a day dream because Morgan sees the look on my face before responding.

"Yeah that's what I thought pretty boy."

I jump back up and make my way over to the weights, which I usually do my best to avoid. Weights are more of Morgan's arena. I put all my frustrations about not understanding my own feelings into every rep. Morgan walks over to spot me, hell bent on continuing the conversation.

"So how are you going to ask her out?"

I set the weights down, wiping the sweat off my head with a towel and running my fingers through my hair.

"You think I should ask her out?" My voices raises a few pitches, out of nervousness.

"Heck yeah! She'd be crazy to say no to a great guy like you!"

I roll my eyes, giving him a quick shove as I can't help but laugh. Derek may pick on me a lot, but he always has my back. His confidence in me boosts my own confidence a bit.

"I don't want to mess things up. She's my best friend..."

He sits down beside me, taking a serious tone.

"You two have gotten pretty close. If the two of you are as tight knit as you seem, I wouldn't worry about that. Either she'll say no and you'll both let it go, continuing a great friendship..."

"Or?" I question, worry covering my face.

"Or she'll say yes and the two of you will have a wonderful wedding."

And Morgan is back at it again. I roll my eyes at him as I stand to head to the locker room. But as I walk away, I can't stop smiling.

I decide to bounce some ideas off of him, about what I could do for a first date. I don't want to just do dinner and a movie. I want it to be special and unique just like her. After we throw out a couple ideas Morgan finally asks "Well why don't you use something the two of you have done or talked about? Or maybe something she told you about herself? When did you first start having feelings for her? That could be a good place to start."

I think back to when she joined me for phantasmagoria and we spent the evening in the coffee shop/music store. She told me how wrapped up her feelings were in music. An idea starts to blossom and I quickly tell Morgan, hoping to work through all the details. It has to be perfect. If it works out like I plan, I can ask her out and have our first date all at once. I want to show her how much I care, and I can't think of a better way to do it.

[bagels-and-seagulls]

Okay this is definitely not the first time I've come into your ask box asking for angst but...I read your new cheerleader!matteo and hj!david and I couldn't resist. I started thinking about like what if when they're not official yet, there's a misunderstanding that David's messing around with other people as well bc his teammates are saying things to mess with matteo as always. (Love love love your writing)

i was not planning on writing more of this au so soon but this ask literally hit me in the face with a brick and i feel as tho i must. also the peach bowl is emotionally over and next is the fiesta one, so i’m still in a circle of hell

part one - part two

-matteo doesn’t really know how to treat david after leonie’s party, doesn’t know if he should think of them as an item, or at least becoming one, or if it was a one time thing just to get some of their energy out, to see if whatever there was between them was easily ended after a simple kiss, or if it only made it worse. 

-spoiler alert, it made it worse.

-matteo has never really had a crush before, not one that had any promise to go anywhere. sure, he had the hopelessly tragic crush on his straight bestfriend that looking back on it was nice in a way, knowing that it was never going to happen, falling out of the crush just as easily as he fell into it. but since then, since jonas, he hasn’t really thought about anyone else. there weren’t many people like that around here to even really think about, not unless he wanted to go for a straight guy again, which no, thanks. one was enough for him. so he this was all new territory for him, being in that awkward stage between nothing and something. he didn’t really know what to do, what to say, how to act. he didn’t know if he was allowed to ask david to hang out, how many times he was allowed to text in a day, if they were going to kiss hello in the hallway, anything like that. anything at all.

-matteo has never had a crush before, so he never even knew he was a such a jealous person until- well, it hit him over the head like a neon green semi-truck. 

-yo man, david, you’re a total dog, one of the football players kids as they’re all walking into the locker room, and matteo was there, trying to find a charger that one of the girls was asking for. and he could have sworn it was in his bag even though he couldn’t find it. shut up, man, he hears david say back and laugh, and it makes matteo stop. you had like three of those cheerleaders all over you, someone else says. yeah, i’ve been trying to get with sam for months, and she’s all over you in one second, comes another voice. y’all are going to get me in trouble, david laughs and rounds the corner and sees matteo looking back. hi, david says, his smile changing into something a little smaller, a little more like it was just for matteo. hi, matteo repeats and ends up just staring at david for a second, who just laughs a little awkwardly and scratches the back of his neck. i gotta get back to practice, matteo mutters and walks off, hearing david’s, oh, okay, bye?

-matteo invites david to go to an open mic thing that jonas wants him to go to, and david tells him that he had already promised leonie he would go to a party with her. but he could see him afterwards? maybe they could meet up somewhere? matteo tells him that it’s okay, that they can meet up tomorrow morning or just wait until monday. and then monday morning rolls around, and he hears whispering in the hallway about how david hooked up with some girl, went home with her even, and matteo feels like it isn’t true. doesn’t think that david was that kind of guy, but it eats away at him anyways. eats away at him until he feels a little bit angry, and a little bit disappointed, and something else that was a combination of the two. and he ends up going to his class early, even though he said he would meet david by his locker before school started. 

-david texts him, are you okay? and matteo doesn’t answer. david looks at him all concerned when he sees him in literature, and matteo ignores that look, too. 

-they end up making out when david comes over one day to study for their literature exam. they end up actually studying for maybe twenty minutes, throwing glances at each other every couple of seconds and smiling to themselves once they were caught. you know, they say you should study for fifteen minutes and then take a five minute break to improve memory, david says at one point. oh really? matteo asks, and how long have we been studying? and david takes the book out of his lap with a smirk and leans into his space until matteo is looking up at him, at least twenty already, he mutters, looking between matteo’s eyes and his lips. and how do you think we should spend our break? matteo asks, feeling like he had something to be proud of all of a sudden. 

-matteo leaves a hickey on the base of david’s neck, and he doesn’t think he’s ever left a hickey before, feeling a little like a strutting peacock when he sees david on monday morning with the bruise still dark against his skin. but then he hears all of the names of the people that some suspect might have left it there, and not once does his name come up. he doesn’t think he’ll be leaving one again. 

-are you okay? david asks him one day when they’re standing at the edge of the field, and matteo’s been ignoring him all day because he didn’t think that he would be able to keep his mouth shut about how he heard from at least four of david’s teammates that david screwed around with one of matteo’s squadmates at a party in the middle of the week, which honestly was trashy enough. and matteo wasn’t too sure that david even went to a party on a wednesday night, but he’s been having a pretty shitty day all around and thought it was only a matter of time before he accidentally let it out on someone else. i’m fine, matteo says and tries to brush him off. matteo, just talk to me, david asks, and matteo was almost ready to spill his guts right there, right out his mouth and onto the field underneath their feet, but the said squadmate from the rumor happened to be walking by just then, because of course she did, and waved at david right as matteo went to open his mouth. forget it, matteo says instead of admitting anythign that was nasty, and mean, and uncalled for, and shakes his head. wait, david says. if you want to go talk to her, go and leave me alone, matteo mutters and turns away only for david to grip his elbow and pull him back, what is that supposed to mean? and matteo thinks this might be his guts coming up, that thing that was mean he was trying to push down, if you’re hooking up with other people or whatever, just leave me out of it.

-matteo walks away, and that night as he’s laying in bed, he thinks that maybe he really screwed something up. 

-matteo never had a crush before, so he never really knew he was a jealous person. he didn’t know he was going to hate himself so much for it. 

-i don’t know why you’re so convinced i’m meant to be a bad guy, david says, straddling the locker room bench and clearly waiting for matteo to come in, to try and get him to talk to him. what? matteo says with a shake of his head, even though he heard him perfectly fine, just didn’t want to have to come up with some sort of response to it. instead, facing towards his locker and effectively blocking himself from looking david in the face. you’re the only one i’m, like, interested in, or whatever, david says, i haven’t been talking to anyone else, or hooking up or anything. matteo nods his head because he doesn’t have anything to add, doesn’t have anything to say. but you don’t believe me, do you? david asks with a sigh and a scoff rolled into one and doesn’t wait for an answer. fuck, matteo. i know you don’t like football players, and i get it. really, i do, but i’ve never lied to you- not once. and i’m not screwing around behind your back. matteo nods again and reaches for something in his locker, his hand gripping nothing but air. yeah, alright, david says, and it sounds like he was giving up on something, i guess i’ll just fuck off or whatever.

-they don’t talk for days, and matteo feels like garbage the entire time, opening and closing david’s contact just trying to work up the nerve to talk to him. 

-i think i really fucked it up, matteo mutters to jonas one night when he comes over to play some video games after school. with david? jonas asks and pauses the game. matteo hums and sets his controller down, i didn’t believe him and i should’ve. jonas sits there for a moment, tapping a beat only he could hear on his knee. have you told him that? jonas asks. matteo shakes his head. i don’t know how to apologize, matteo admits. i think i really fucked it up. 

-matteo swallows down his pride and his nerves with nothing left in his bones except his guilt as he walks up to david at his locker with his hands stuck up under his backpack straps, kicking his heels into the ground. uh, hey, he says, and david turns around like he was shocked to see him. hey, david repeats and holds his books in front of his chest. i- uh, i wanted to apologize, matteo says, for being an asshole. david nods his head but doesn’t say anything, his face screwed up like he was holding himself back from saying anything at all. can we talk? after school maybe? matteo asks and hopes that he isn’t turned down. david says to wait up for him after practice. 

-what did you want to talk about? david asks later, leaning back up against his locker with his arms crossed in front of him, the bench dividing them. i’m sorry, matteo says, i should’ve talked to you or something, instead of believing other people. i just- i don’t know. i haven’t had the best time at this school, especially with the football team. and i guess i just thought it was too good to be true, that-that you were too good to be true. david doesn’t say anything for a long time, and matteo sucks in a breath, running his thumb nail up the sides of his fingers, i should’ve talked to you, and i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to fuck this whole thing up. i really do like you. david clicks his tongue, and matteo has to look down at the ground in order to not stare too hard. i really like you, too, david says after a beat, and matteo looks up at him, wanting him to say more. it’s just- how can i be with someone who doesn’t trust me? and matteo goes to argue immediately, but closes his mouth when he sees the look that david was leveling him with. can i have another chance? matteo asks, to show you that i do? 

-david agrees, and matteo sighs out in relief. 

-it takes them a few weeks to get back where they were, when they felt young and almost in love, smiling just by the thought of seeing the other, so excited when they do, that they just sway from side to side on their feet once they’re in close proximity, too caught up in themselves to even kiss each other hello. but matteo thinks that he’s proved it. at least, he hopes that he did, that he trusts david totally and completely, with his whole heart even because he feels like that’s what he’s doing, handing it over wrapped in a little bow. 

-do you want to go see a movie tonight? david asks him when they’re both standing outside the school, not exactly wanting to say goodbye but knowing the day was over. matteo hums, not completely catching the question, too caught up in his thoughts. a movie? david repeats, and matteo shrugs, not feeling any sort of way about the proposal. what is is? david asks, leaning in closer and nudging matteo with his elbow. did you want to be my boyfriend? matteo blurts out. the words just falling from his mouth before he’s able to catch them back up. oh, uh, david stretches out and scratches the back of his neck. nevermind, forget it, matteo stutters out and takes a step back. no, no, no, i do, i just- david sighs and looks around before tugging matteo over to the side of the building to be more out of the way. 

-i do, david repeats. but? matteo asks. but, uh, david pinches the bridge of his nose and scrunches his eyes up, i’m trans, he says eventually, looking up and at matteo who was looking back with wide eyes. uh, matteo drawls out after a second, is that it? and david tilts his head to the side, what? and matteo looks around, not really for anything, just to look at something that wasn’t david for a second. you’re trans so you don’t want to be my boyfriend? matteo asks. what? david repeats, no, no- i’m trans, so i thought maybe you didn’t want me to be your boyfriend. and then it was matteo’s turn to scratch his head. so you’re trans, and you don’t want me to want you to be my boyfriend? he asks. and david looks at him for a second. i think we’re agreeing? he says with an uptick in his voice. you’re trans, matteo says. right, david confirms. and you wanna be my boyfriend? matteo asks. right, david repeats. and matteo nods, still feeling a little bit confused, so they both just stand there, rocking from side to side on the balls of their feet until david goes, so boyfriends? and matteo smiles. yeah, boyfriends, he agrees, and david smiles too and kisses him. 

[shaymariff]

Love.

While the meaning of love is quite obvious, there's so much more to what love really means. What does love actually means?

I remember when I got into my first relationship at 16 and thought "wow! i have a boyfriend. my FIRST ever boyfriend", and thought that things would plan out for the both of us. Unfortunately, it didn't and I spent months recovering from the break up. Being so young, all I knew about "love" was being liked by the person and getting the attention I could get from them. My secondary school journey was not in the least bit a fruitful one, and I ended up wasting an extra year in school because of my obsession with attention. By the time I graduated, I made a vow to myself that I don't need a man to make me happy and that I am happy being single.

I spent two years living my life, working as I'm studying and trying to do better in school. When I entered into my first semester in an arts school, I met a guy. He was my classmate, albeit, he was from a different discipline. We connected pretty well and when weeks went by, our feelings for each other grew pretty strong too. I knew I liked him and likewise for him. I remember texting him "I need you", and he texted the exact same thing, and just in a spur of moment, I shut him out. I stopped responding to him and we eventually just stopped talking. During Fun Day that year, another classmate of ours told me that he genuinely had feelings for me and that made me feel awful. I never knew why I shut him out like that, especially when we clicked well with each other. It took me some years to realise that I was just scared and wasn't ready for a relationship, not after how the first and also the last one ended. Eventually, he got into a relationship with another classmate of ours and I was very happy for them. I was happy for him because he deserves love and affection from someone, and I felt like I wasn't capable of doing that. I told myself then that I'm still young, there is still time for me. Now that I'm nearing 30, I'm being proven wrong.

My mum, without fail, would ask me every year if I'm going to ever find a boyfriend and eventually settle down. Each year, I would rebuff and brush her off. I told her I didn't have time to be in a committed relationship and I liked being single. Of course, as a mother, she worries that I won't find a good man for myself and have a family. While I do understand her sentiment, I definitely disliked being pressured into it and would have to control myself and not snap at her.

I've been in Australia five years now. I didn't start dating until I was 26. People would probably wonder why the hell did I take so long to start dating and experience the life of dating when I could have started when I was much younger. Well, I did try, but I was having a lot of self-doubts, severe lack of confidence and even childhood trauma had a part in my unfortunate circumstance. Having started dating at such a late age, most of my dates never last after the second date and I keep telling myself that I'm just wasting my time. It definitely was frustrating and exhausting because most of the guys that I went on dates with, didn't see me more than just a friend and I felt quite disheartened. After months of doing casual dates, I decided that what would be more beneficial is to just hang out as friends and not jump straight into dating. After going through and experiencing the harshest and dirtiest treatments I got from some of them, I moved on and worked on improving myself.

Dating then... has caused me to lose a big part of myself. I became emotionally dependent on them and would constantly become frantic when they don't show me affection and attention. It got to a point where arguments would ensue and it ends bitterly for the both of us and I never keep in touch with them ever again. I lost a big part of myself, my identity, my confidence just because for a man's attention. I found myself begging them to love me and give me a lot of attention and affection, and this would always backfires on me. As such, I lose my self-worth and self-respect and it took a lot of healing to establish boundaries and stand firm on my decisions.

Despite my unfortunate forthcomings, I was blessed with good friends and family as my support system and would push me to do better for myself. A friend would always have to monotonously reiterate to me her advice until one day when I decided to be stubborn and nearly costed that friendship. We have since reconciled but I have acknowledged my mistake and will strive to do and be better. I realised that my longing for attention and affection is costing me my self-respect and self-worth and that I deserve better. I deserve someone who would look at me and a gentle smile slowly creeps up on his face. I deserve someone who would love and appreciate me, and would push me beyond my limits. I deserve someone who looks forward to adventures with me. I deserve someone who sees me as an equal. I deserve someone who I can share my happiness and the rest of my life with. I deserve all that.

While I say I deserve all that, I also deserve kindness and love... not from them, but from myself. I need to be kind to myself and shower myself with plenty of love and affection. It's not wrong for me to crave for love and affection, but who I did it with and how I did, it shouldn't have occurred in such manners. I wouldn't say I regret it ever happening, but I would say they're the biggest mistakes to ever happen and I can only learn from it. It is going to be a journey, especially when I am unlearning bad habits as well as overcoming previous traumas. Sure, I'd probably get married pretty late, but honestly, I'd rather settle down late with the right and compatible person for myself than settling for anything quick and easy, even if it means having incompatibility in the relationship.

Life is funny, really. Both my younger sisters are either married or in a committed relationship, and here I am, still brooding over my singlehood. I, the eldest child and daughter, is still single. I got so used to being single that by the time I hit my mid twenties, I finally realised that I'm ready to settle down. It hadn't been easy, but I still pushed through. By the time I hit 25, I was getting slightly desperate and frantic because I wanted to get married and have at least one child before I hit 30. That fantasy was crushed when I turned 26, and then 27... and now 28. I'm left with a year and a half to fulfil that fantasy of mine. It took me a while to realise that it is unhealthy to impose such expectations for myself when these things are very unpredictable.

I never knew what love actually really feels like, especially in a committed relationship, and hence, I don't actually have an answer to that. I wished I could have at least one experience of a relationship to fully know and understand what I want and deserve from my future partner, but God has planned my life out differently. I have had guy friends tell me that they were in a long-term committed relationship before they ended it due to personal reasons, and it made me shudder a little bit. Not because the break up happened, but because they were able to experience love. The closest I got was with the guy in the arts school but I was a coward and shut him out. Presumably, we could have had a long and healthy relationship but I was too scared. Scared of being committed to someone and not able to give them what they deserve.

Looking back at it now, I do have more growing to do. That doesn't mean I am undeserving of love still, but for a relationship to flourish and grow, self-love is where it starts. I forego self-love for love-seeking and it costed me my self-worth. Right now, I'm not seeing anyone and am slowly venturing into hobbies and activities, both physical and recreational, to occupy my time and mind and grow. I used to think and believe that I was ready for a relationship and marriage, but clearly, I'm not. While I do greatly yearn for a committed romantic companionship, I cannot rush and push for it to happen. Only time can tell. Only time can heal my open wounds and only time can decide when someone is for me. Until then, I'm just persevering and growing emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

With love

Shay