#man good thing I found that psychologist available on weekends the other day

[whisperofthewaves]

*Murderbot voice* I am having An Emotion.

[thainews1]

Should Your Child Watch TV News? Surprising Opinions of Top Anchors

More than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes traumatizing, news events on TV. It seems that violent crime and bad news is unabating. Foreign wars, natural disasters, terrorism, murders, incidents of child abuse, and medical epidemics flood our newscasts daily. Not to mention the grim wave of recent school shootings.

All of this intrudes on the innocent world of children. If, as psychologists say, kids are like sponges and absorb everything that goes on around them, how profoundly does watching TV news actually affect them? How careful do parents need to be in monitoring the flow of news into the home, and how can they find an approach that works?

To answer these questions, we turned to a panel of seasoned anchors, Peter Jennings, Maria Shriver, Linda Ellerbee, and Jane Pauley--each having faced the complexities of raising their own vulnerable children in a news-saturated world.

Picture this: 6:30 p.m. After an exhausting day at the office, Mom is busy making dinner. She parks her 9-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son in front of the TV.

"Play Nintendo until dinner's ready," she instructs the little ones, who, instead, start flipping channels.

Tom Brokaw on "NBC News Tonight," announces that an Atlanta gunman has killed his wife, daughter and son, all three with a hammer, before going on a shooting rampage that leaves nine dead.

On "World News Tonight," Peter Jennings reports that a jumbo jetliner with more than 300 passengers crashed in a spinning metal fireball at a Hong Kong airport.

On CNN, there's a report about the earthquake in Turkey, with 2,000 people killed.

On the Discovery channel, there's a timely special on hurricanes and the terror they create in children. Hurricane Dennis has already struck, Floyd is coming.

Finally, they see a local news report about a roller coaster accident at a New Jersey amusement park that kills a mother and her eight-year-old daughter.

Nintendo was never this riveting. See here ข่าวไทย

"Dinner's ready!" shouts Mom, unaware that her children may be terrified by this menacing potpourri of TV news.

What's wrong with this picture?

"There's a LOT wrong with it, but it's not that easily fixable," notes Linda Ellerbee, the creator and host of "Nick News," the award-winning news program geared for kids ages 8-13, airing on Nickelodeon.

"Watching blood and gore on TV is NOT good for kids and it doesn't do much to enhance the lives of adults either," says the anchor, who strives to inform children about world events without terrorizing them. "We're into stretching kids' brains and there's nothing we wouldn't cover," including recent programs on euthanasia, the Kosovo crisis, prayer in schools, book- banning, the death penalty, and Sudan slaves.

But Ellerbee emphasizes the necessity of parental supervision, shielding children from unfounded fears. "During the Oklahoma City bombing, there were terrible images of children being hurt and killed," Ellerbee recalls. "Kids wanted to know if they were safe in their beds. In studies conducted by Nickelodeon, we found out that kids find the news the most frightening thing on TV.

"Whether it's the Gulf War, the Clinton scandal, a downed jetliner, or what happened in Littleton, you have to reassure your children, over and over again, that they're going to be OK--that the reason this story is news is that IT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. News is the exception...nobody goes on the air happily and reports how many planes landed safely!

"My job is to put the information into an age-appropriate context and lower anxieties. Then it's really up to the parents to monitor what their kids watch and discuss it with them"

Yet a new study of the role of media in the lives of children conducted by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation reveals that 95% of the nation's children ages 8-18 are watching TV without their parents present.

How does Ellerbee view the typical scenario of the harried mother above?

"Mom's taking a beating here. Where's Dad?" Ellerbee asks.Perhaps at work, or living separately from Mom, or absent altogether.

"Right. Most Moms and Dads are working as hard as they can because we live in a society where one income just doesn't cut it anymore,"

NBC News correspondent Maria Shriver, the mother of four--Katherine, 13, Christina, 12, Patrick, 10, and Christopher, 6--agrees with Ellerbee: "But Moms aren't using the TV as a babysitter because they're out getting manicures!" says the 48-year-old anchor.

"Those mothers are struggling to make ends meet and they do it because they need help. I don't think kids would be watching [as much TV] if their parents were home organizing a touch football game.

"When I need the TV as a babysitter," says Shriver, who leaves detailed TV- viewing instructions behind when traveling, "I put on a safe video. I don't mind that my kids have watched "Pretty Woman" or "My Best Friend's Wedding" 3,000 times. I'd be more fearful if they watched an hour of local news.That would scare them. They might feel: 'Oh, my God, is somebody going to come in and shoot me in my bedroom?'"

In a move to supervise her own children more closely since her husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger, became Governor, Shriver scaled back her workload as Contributing Anchor to Dateline NBC and set up her office at home: "You can never be vigilant enough with your kids," she says, "because watching violence on TV clearly has a huge impact on children--whether it's TV news, movies, or cartoons."

This view is shared by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, which states: ""TV is a powerful influence in developing value systems and shaping behavior...studies find that children may become immune to the horror of violence; gradually accept violence as a way to solve problems; and resort to anti-social and aggressive behavior, imitating the violence they observe."

Although there are no rules about watching TV in 49% of the nation's households, TV-watching at the Schwarzenegger home is almost totally verboten:

"We have a blanket rule that my kids do not watch any TV at all during the week," she notes, "and having a TV in their bedrooms has never been an option. I have enough trouble getting them to do their homework!" she states with a laugh. "Plus the half hour of reading they have to do every night.

According to the Kaiser survey, Shriver's household is a glaring exception to the rule. "Many kids have their own TV's, VCR's and video games in their bedroom," the study notes. Moreover, children ages 8-18 actually spend an average of three hours and 16 minutes watching TV daily; only 44 minutes reading; 31 minutes using the computer; 27 minutes playing video games; and a mere 13 minutes using the Internet.

"My kids," Shriver explains, "get home at 4 p.m., have a 20-minute break, then go right into homework or after-school sports. Then, I'm a big believer in having family dinner time. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting at the dinner table and listening to my parents, four brothers, and my grandmother, Rose. We didn't watch the news.

"After dinner nowadays, we play a game, then my kids are in bed, reading their books. There's no time in that day for any TV, except on weekends, when they're allowed to watch a Disney video, Sesame Street, Barney, The Brady Bunch, or Pokemon."

Beyond safe entertainment, Shriver has eliminated entirely the option of her children watching news events unfolding live on TV: "My kids," she notes, "do not watch any TV news, other than Nick News," instead providing her children with Time for Kids, [Teen Newsweek is also available], Highlights, and newspaper clippings discussed over dinner.

"No subject should be off-limits," Shriver concludes, "but you must filter the news to your kids."

ABC's Peter Jennings, who reigns over "World News Tonight," the nation's most-watched evening newscast, emphatically disagrees with a censored approach to news-watching: "I have two kids--Elizabeth is now 24 and Christopher is 21-- and they were allowed to watch as much TV news and information anytime they wanted," says the anchor. A firm believer in kids understanding the world around them, he adapted his bestselling book, The Century, for children ages 10 and older in The Century for Young People.

No downside to kids watching news? "I don't know of any downside and I've thought about it many times. I used to worry about my kids' exposure to violence and overt sex in the movies. Like most parents, I found that although they were exposed to violence sooner than I would have liked, I don't feel they've been affected by it. The jury's still out on the sex.

"I have exposed my kids to the violence of the world--to the bestiality of man--from the very beginning, at age 6 or 7. I didn't try to hide it. I never worried about putting a curtain between them and reality, because I never felt my children would be damaged by being exposed to violence IF they understood the context in which it occurred. I would talk to my kids about the vulnerability of children in wartime--the fact that they are innocent pawns-- and about what we could do as a family to make the world a more peaceful place.

Jennings firmly believes that coddling children is a mistake: "I've never talked down to my children, or to children period. I always talk UP to them and my newscast is appropriate for children of any age."

Yet the 65-year-old anchor often gets letters from irate parents: "They'll say: 'How dare you put that on at 6:30 when my children are watching?' My answer is: 'Madam, that's not my problem. That's YOUR problem. It's absolutely up to the parent to monitor the flow of news into the home."

Part of directing this flow is turning it off altogether at meal-time, says Jennings, who believes family dinners are sacrosanct. He is appalled that the TV is turned on during meals in 58% of the nation's households, this according to the Kaiser study.

"Watching TV during dinner is unforgivable," he exclaims, explaining that he always insisted that his family wait until he arrived home from anchoring the news. "You're darn right they waited...even when my kids were tiny, they never ate until 7:30 or 8 pm. Then we would sit with no music, no TV. Why waste such a golden opportunity? Watching TV at mealtime robs the family of the essence of the dinner, which is communion and exchange of ideas. I mean, God, if the dinner table is anything, it's a place to learn manners and appreciation for two of the greatest things in life--food and drink."

Jennings is likewise unequivocal in his view of junk TV and believes parking kids at the tube creates dull minds: "I think using TV as a babysitter is a terrible idea because the damn television is very narcotic, drug-like. Mindless TV makes for passive human beings--and it's a distraction from homework!

"My two children were allowed to watch only a half an hour of entertainment TV per night--and they never had TV's in their bedrooms.It's a conscious choice I made as a parent not to tempt them...too seductive..."

Adds Ellerbee: "TV is seductive and is meant to be. The hard, clear fact is that when kids are watching TV, they're not doing anything else!"

Indeed, according to the National Institute on Out-of-School Time and the Office of Research Education Consumer Guide, TV plays a bigger role in children's lives now than ever before. Kids watch TV an average of14 to 22 hours per week, which accounts for at least 25 percent of their free time.

"Dateline NBC" Anchor Jane Pauley, intensely private, declined an interview to discuss how she and her husband, cartoonist Garry Trudeau ("Doonesbury") handle TV-watching with their three teens, two of whom are fraternal twins. But in a written response, she agreed that kids need to be better protected from the onslaught of violence: "I was a visitor at a public elementary school not long ago, and was invited to peek in on a fourth-grade class on 'current events.' The assignment had been to watch the news and write about one of the stories. Two kids picked the fatal attack on a child by a pit bull and the other wrote about a child who'd hanged herself with a belt! They'd all watched the worst blood and gore 'News at 11' station in town. The teacher gave no hint that she was as appalled as I was. My response was to help the school get subscriptions to "Time for Kids" and "My Weekly Reader." People need to be better news consumers. And tabloid TV is very unhealthy for kids."

On this point, Ellerbee readily agrees:"I really do believe the first amendment STOPS at your front door. You are the boss at home and parents have every right to monitor what their kids watch. What's even better is watching with them and initiating conversations about what they see.If your child is watching something terribly violent, sit down and DEFUSE it. Talking makes the ghosts run...and kids can break through their scared feelings."

Adds Pauly:

"Kids," she maintains, "know about bad news--they're the ones trying to spare us the bad news sometimes. But kids should be able to see that their parents are both human enough to be deeply affected by a tragedy like Columbine, but also sturdy enough to get through it...and on with life. That is the underpinning of their security."

"I'm no expert on the nation's children," adds Jennings, " but I'd have to say no, it wasn't traumatic. Troubling, shocking, even devastating to some, confusing to others, but traumatizing in that great sense, no.

"Would I explain to my kids that there are young, upset, angry, depressed kids in the world? Yes. I hear the most horrendous stories about what's going on in high schools from my kids. And because of the shootings, parents are now on edge--pressuring educators to 'do something.' They have to be reminded that the vast majority of all schools in America are overwhelmingly safe," a fact borne out by The National School Safety Center, which reports that in l998 there were just 25 violent deaths in schools compared to an average of 50 in the early 90's.

Ellerbee adds that a parent's ability to listen is more important than lobbying school principals for more metal detectors and armed guards: "If there was ever a case where grown-ups weren't listening to kids, it was Littleton. First, don't interrupt your child...let them get the whole thought out. Next, if you sit silently for a couple of seconds after they're finished, they'll start talking again, getting to a second level of honesty. Third, try to be honest with your kid. To very small children, it's proper to say: 'This is never going to happen to you...' But you don't say that to a 10-year-old."

Moreover, Ellerbee believes that media literacy begins the day parents stop pretending that if you ignore TV, it will go away. "Let your kid know from the very beginning that he or she is SMARTER than TV: 'I am in control of this box, it is not in control of me. I will use this box as a useful, powerful TOOL, but will not be used by it.' Kids know the difference.

"Watching TV," Ellerbee maintains, "can makes kids more civilized. I grew up in the south of Texas in a family of bigoted people. Watching TV made me question my own family's beliefs in the natural inferiority of people of color. For me, TV was a real window that broadened my world."

Ironically, for Shriver, watching TV news is incredibly painful when the broadcast is about you. Being a Kennedy, Shriver has lived a lifetime in the glare of rumors and televised speculation about her own family. Presenting the news to her children has therefore included explaining the tragedies and controversies the Kennedys have endured. She was just eight years old when her uncle, President John F. Kennedy, was assassinated: "I grew up in a very big shadow...and I couldn't avoid it," she admits. "It wasn't a choker, but it was a big responsibility that I don't want my own children to feel." Yet doesn't her 15- year marriage to megastar Schwarzenegger add yet another layer of public curiosity close to home? "My kids are not watching Entertainment Tonight--no, no, never! And I don't bring them to movie openings or Planet Hollywood. I think it's fine for them to be proud of their father, but not show off about him."

How does she emotionally handle news when her family's in it? "That's a line I've been walking since my own childhood, and it's certainly effected the kind of reporter I've become. It's made me less aggressive. I'm not [in the news business] to glorify myself at someone else's expense, but rather to report a story without destroying someone in the process. A producer might say: 'Call this person who's in a disastrous situation and book them right way.' And I'm like: 'Ahhhh. I can't even bring myself to do it,' because I've been on the other side and know the family is in such pain."

A few years ago, of course, the Kennedys experienced profound pain, yet again, when Shriver's beloved cousin, John F. Kennedy, Jr., was killed in a plane crash, with his wife, Carolyn, and sister-in-law, Lauren Bessette. A blizzard of news coverage ensued, unremitting for weeks. "I didn't watch any of it...I was busy, " Shriver says quietly. "And my children didn't watch any of it either."

Shriver was, however, somewhat prepared to discuss the tragedy with her children. She is the author of the best-selling "What's Heaven?" [Golden Books], a book geared for children ages 4-8, which explains death and the loss of a loved one. "My children knew John well because he spent Christmases with us. I explained what happened to John as the news unfolded...walked them through it as best I could. I reminded them that Mommy wrote the book and said: 'We're not going to see John anymore. He has gone to God...to heaven...and we have to pray for him and for his sister [Caroline] and her children."

Like Shriver, Jennings is personally uncomfortable in the role of covering private tragedies in a public forum: "In my shop, I'm regarded as one of those people who drags their feet a lot at the notion of covering those things," he explains. "During the O.J. Simpson trial, I decided not to go crazy in our coverage--and we took quite a smack and dropped from first to second in the ratings. TV is a business, so when a real corker of a story like Princess Diana's death comes along, we cover it. I think we're afraid not to do it. We're guilty of overkill, and with Diana, we ended up celebrating something that was largely ephemeral, making Diana more than she was. But audiences leap up!

"I was totally opposed to covering John F. Kennedy, Jr.'s funeral, because I saw no need to do it. He wasn't a public figure, though others would say I was wrong. On-air, I said: 'I don't think the young Mr. Kennedy would approve of all this excess...' But we did three hours on the funeral and it turned out to be a wonderful long history lesson about American politics and the Kennedy dynasty's place in our national life.

"Sometimes," Jennings muses, "TV is like a chapel in which we, as a nation, can gather to have a communal experience of loss.We did it with the Challenger, more recently with JFK Jr.'s death and we will do it shortly, I suspect, though I hope not, with Ronald Reagan. It's not much different than what people did when they went West in covered wagons in the last century. When tragedy struck, they gathered the wagons around, lit the fire, and talked about their losses of the day. And then went on. Television can be very comforting."

In closing, Ellerbee contends that you can't blame TV news producers for the human appetite for sensational news coverage that often drags on for days at a time:

"As a reporter," she muses, "I have never been to a war, traffic accident, or murder site that didn't draw a crowd. There is a little trash in all of us. But the same people who stop to gawk at a traffic accident, may also climb down a well to save a child's life, or cry at a sunset, or grin and tap their feet when the parade goes by.

"We are NOT just one thing. Kids can understand these grays...just as there's more than one answer to a question, there is certainly more than one part to you!"

[aion-rsa]

FrightFest 2020 Line Up Announced Including a Den Of Geek Panel

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Much to no one’s surprise annual horror celebration FrightFest has had to move its line up to an online only event to keep horror fans safe during this time of real life horror. But the good news is, the gang has still managed to source heaps of exciting things to watch on the August bank holiday weekend, from home.

Now the full line up has been announced and it’s packed with world and UK premieres. Unfortunately for US readers, the movies are geo-locked and only able to be watched from the UK (though the quiz and Den Of Geek’s panel are both free and available to watch from anywhere).

Den of Geek Presents: Horror In Lockdown Panel – Sunday 30 August, 7pm UK time.

Hosted by Rosie Fletcher, UK Editor of Den Of Geek the panel of special guests from the industry will discuss how the horror genre has been affected by the global pandemic. What does the shape of horror look like now we’re all actually living in a real life horror film? How are the stories we want to hear affected by our changed world? And what might the genre look like on the other side? The panel will run live for 90 minutes, with a chance for viewers to ask questions at the end.

It’s free to attend and we’ll have some fascinating guests from the world of horror, come and join us!

The main festival runs from Friday the 28th – Monday 31st of August, with a preview night including a special quiz on Thursday 27th run by Mike Muncer from The Evolution of Horror podcast – the quiz starts at 8pm and will be hosted on the Evolution of Horror YouTube Channel. Following the quiz there’s the UK premiere of the extremely silly sounding Sky Sharks, which features Nazi zombie piloted killer flying sharks. It’s German, it’s in English and it stars Tony Todd.

Sky Sharks

Passes and tickets go on sale on Saturday 1 August and details on how to access the event and choose which films to watch are on the FrightFest website. Warning – you won’t be able to watch everything because some screenings will be concurrent and in different ‘screens’ just like at the live festival, to pack more in over the weekend, so you’ll have to pick between some titles.

Friday

There’s No Such Thing as Vampires – an American action-horror which sees teenagers run into vamps in a remote outpost. This one actually began filming in 2015 and had a long post production period – this is the world premiere.

12 Hour Shift – Comedy horror starring Angela Bettis and David Arquette following an drug addicted nurse and some black market organ dealers who plan a heist. It’s the UK premiere, having screened at the Tribeca Film Festival in April and it comes from director Brea Grant.

Triggered

Triggered – This is the UK premiere of this high concept South African horror thriller from director Alastair Orr. It sees a bunch of friends on a woodland camping trip wake up with suicide bombs strapped to their chest set at different times. Things get messy when they learn that they can take each other’s remaining time by murdering one another.

I Am Lisa – A female werewolf movie which is an homage to Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend, from Patrick Rea who made 2013 horror Nailbiter. This is the world premiere.

Saturday

The Columnist – comedy horror from The Netherlands which sees a writer who’s constantly trolled with abuse and death threats on social media decide to take revenge. This is the UK premiere.

The Horror Crowd – a US documentary from Ruben Pla celebrating the horror community in Hollywood with lots of genre favourite talking heads. This is the world premiere.

Blind

Blind – American horror thriller which sees a former actress blinded by surgery living in the Hollywood Hills supported by her partially sighted friend and mute personal trainer until a masked stranger invades her home. This is the UK premiere.

Dark Place – This is a Australian horror anthology focusing on five Aboriginal tales with  largely indigenous casts, focusing on post-colonial Aboriginal Australian history with a breezy 75 minute runtime. This is the UK premiere.

Don’t Click – Canadian internet horror which sees two friends zapped into a dank cellar by a vengeful porn website. Valter Skarsgård of the Skarsgård clan, stars. This is the world premiere.

The Honeymoon Phase – A couple short of cash checks into a testing programme that analyses relationships by monitoring couples in secluded smart homes in this US chiller with a tech bent that sounds Black Mirror-esque. This is the UK premiere.

They’re Outside – Emily Booth stars in this UK feature which sees a youtube psychologist attempt to coax an agoraphobic woman outside in 10 days until a local folk legend starts to become a reality. Found footage mixes with folklore in this adult fairytale. This is the world premiere.

Playhouse – A haunted castle in Scotland is the setting for this UK horror from debut directors Toby and Fionn Watts, which sees a horror writer attempt to create a macabre play to be set there, when supernatural forces begin to interfere. This is the world premiere.

Sunday

Two Heads Creek

Two Heads Creek – Cannibal comedy horror which sees a brother and sister escape post-Brexit Britain to seek their birth mother in a small town in Australia. This is the UK premiere of this Ozploitationer.

Aquaslash – Exploitation throwback to ‘80s slashers set in a waterpark where a murderer is messing with the water slides. This gory retro Canadian comedy is getting its UK premiere.

Skull: The Mask – This Brazilian horror sees Nazis discover an ancient artefact with supernatural powers which later pops up in Sao Paulo and possesses people to commit terrible crimes. Action horror getting its UK premiere.

Hall – Infection horror set in the hallway of a hotel where an airborne virus is causing carnage. Two women fight to survive and escape the hall in this Canadian mystery thriller that’s getting its world premiere.

Den of Geek Presents: Horror In Lockdown Panel – Sunday 30 August, 7pm UK time.

Clapboard Jungle: Surviving The Independent Film Business – documentary delving into the life of an independent filmmaker featuring interviews with a whole range of industry voices. This is the European premiere.

A Ghost Waits – second go round for this melancholy black and white indie which played FrightFest Glasgow earlier in the year, which sees a man doing up a house fall in love with the ghost that’s trying to drive people away from it. 

Monday

AV: The Hunt – This killer thriller from Turkey sees a young woman pursued by the men in her family trying to kill her for a perceived affront to their honour in a violent actioner which has drawn comparisons to Revenge. This is the UK premiere.

The Swerve – This slow burn psychological thriller sees a woman battling depression struggle to cope after a fatal car accident. It’s the feature debut from Dean Kapsalis and comes from the US to make its UK premiere.

Dark Stories – Another five part anthology, which is also a snappy 75 minutes, this time from France. These stories are packed with zombies, Djinn, evil dolls and more in old-school supernatural style. This is a UK premiere.

Blinders – modern social media era chiller from the USA about a guy who relocates to LA after a breakup and befriends a rideshare driver who starts to behave strangely. A psychological thriller getting its UK premiere.

Enhanced

Enhanced – Mutant sci-fi in the vein of X-Men which sees a former mutant hunter join forces with a mutant he’s captured to stop an uber mutant from taking over the world. A UK premiere. 

There’s also a shorts programme available on demand and Arrow Video will be presenting one of their podcasts with filmmaker and journalist Sam Ashurst and SFX guru Dan Martin

The post FrightFest 2020 Line Up Announced Including a Den Of Geek Panel appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[itnews452]

Should Your Child Watch TV News? Surprising Opinions of Top Anchors

KIDS AND THE NEWS

More than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes traumatizing, news events on TV. It seems that violent crime and bad news is unabating. Foreign wars, natural disasters, terrorism, murders, incidents of child abuse, and medical epidemics flood our newscasts daily. Not to mention the grim wave of recent school shootings.

All of this intrudes on the innocent world of children. If, as psychologists say, kids are like sponges and absorb everything that goes on around them, how profoundly does watching TV news actually affect them? How careful do parents need to be in monitoring the flow of news into the home, and how can they find an approach that works?

To answer these questions, we turned to a panel of seasoned anchors, Peter Jennings, Maria Shriver, Linda Ellerbee, and Jane Pauley--each having faced the complexities of raising their own vulnerable children in a news-saturated world.

Picture this: 6:30 p.m. After an exhausting day at the office, Mom is busy making dinner. She parks her 9-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son in front of the TV.

"Play Nintendo until dinner's ready," she instructs the little ones, who, instead, start flipping channels.

Tom Brokaw on "NBC News Tonight," announces that an Atlanta gunman has killed his wife, daughter and son, all three with a hammer, before going on a shooting rampage that leaves nine dead.

On "World News Tonight," Peter Jennings reports that a jumbo jetliner with more than 300 passengers crashed in a spinning metal fireball at a Hong Kong airport.

On CNN, there's a report about the earthquake in Turkey, with 2,000 people killed.

On the Discovery channel, there's a timely special on hurricanes and the terror they create in children. Hurricane Dennis has already struck, Floyd is coming.

Finally, they see a local news report about a roller coaster accident at a New Jersey amusement park that kills a mother and her eight-year-old daughter.

Nintendo was never this riveting.

"Dinner's ready!" shouts Mom, unaware that her children may be terrified by this menacing potpourri of TV news.

What's wrong with this picture?

"There's a LOT wrong with it, but it's not that easily fixable," notes Linda Ellerbee, the creator and host of "Nick News," the award-winning news program geared for kids ages 8-13, airing on Nickelodeon.

"Watching blood and gore on TV is NOT good for kids and it doesn't do much to enhance the lives of adults either," says the anchor, who strives to inform children about world events without terrorizing them. "We're into stretching kids' brains and there's nothing we wouldn't cover," including recent programs on euthanasia, the Kosovo crisis, prayer in schools, book- banning, the death penalty, and Sudan slaves.

But Ellerbee emphasizes the necessity of parental supervision, shielding children from unfounded fears. "During the Oklahoma City bombing, there were terrible images of children being hurt and killed," Ellerbee recalls. "Kids wanted to know if they were safe in their beds. In studies conducted by Nickelodeon, we found out that kids find the news the most frightening thing on TV.

"Whether it's the Gulf War, the Clinton scandal, a downed jetliner, or what happened in Littleton, you have to reassure your children, over and over again, that they're going to be OK--that the reason this story is news is that IT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. News is the exception...nobody goes on the air happily and reports how many planes landed safely!

"My job is to put the information into an age-appropriate context and lower anxieties. Then it's really up to the parents to monitor what their kids watch and discuss it with them"

Yet a new study of the role of media in the lives of children conducted by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation reveals that 95% of the nation's children ages 8-18 are watching TV without their parents present.

How does Ellerbee view the typical scenario of the harried mother above?

"Mom's taking a beating here. Where's Dad?" Ellerbee asks.Perhaps at work, or living separately from Mom, or absent altogether.

"Right. Most Moms and Dads are working as hard as they can because we live in a society where one income just doesn't cut it anymore,"

NBC News correspondent Maria Shriver, the mother of four--Katherine, 13, Christina, 12, Patrick, 10, and Christopher, 6--agrees with Ellerbee: "But Moms aren't using the TV as a babysitter because they're out getting manicures!" says the 48-year-old anchor.

"Those mothers are struggling to make ends meet and they do it because they need help. I don't think kids would be watching [as much TV] if their parents were home organizing a touch football game.

"When I need the TV as a babysitter," says Shriver, who leaves detailed TV- viewing instructions behind when traveling, "I put on a safe video. I don't mind that my kids have watched "Pretty Woman" or "My Best Friend's Wedding" 3,000 times. I'd be more fearful if they watched an hour of local news.That would scare them. They might feel: 'Oh, my God, is somebody going to come in and shoot me in my bedroom?'"

In a move to supervise her own children more closely since her husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger, became Governor, Shriver scaled back her workload as Contributing Anchor to Dateline NBC and set up her office at home: "You can never be vigilant enough with your kids," she says, "because watching violence on TV clearly has a huge impact on children--whether it's TV news, movies, or cartoons."

This view is shared by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, which states: ""TV is a powerful influence in developing value systems and shaping behavior...studies find that children may become immune to the horror of violence; gradually accept violence as a way to solve problems; and resort to anti-social and aggressive behavior, imitating the violence they observe."

Although there are no rules about watching TV in 49% of the nation's households, TV-watching at the Schwarzenegger home is almost totally verboten:

"We have a blanket rule that my kids do not watch any TV at all during the week," she notes, "and having a TV in their bedrooms has never been an option. I have enough trouble getting them to do their homework!" she states with a laugh. "Plus the half hour of reading they have to do every night.

According to the Kaiser survey, Shriver's household is a glaring exception to the rule. "Many kids have their own TV's, VCR's and video games in their bedroom," the study notes. Moreover, children ages 8-18 actually spend an average of three hours and 16 minutes watching TV daily; only 44 minutes reading; 31 minutes using the computer; 27 minutes playing video games; and a mere 13 minutes using the Internet.

"My kids," Shriver explains, "get home at 4 p.m., have a 20-minute break, then go right into homework or after-school sports. Then, I'm a big believer in having family dinner time. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting at the dinner table and listening to my parents, four brothers, and my grandmother, Rose. We didn't watch the news.

"After dinner nowadays, we play a game, then my kids are in bed, reading their books. There's no time in that day for any TV, except on weekends, when they're allowed to watch a Disney video, Sesame Street, Barney, The Brady Bunch, or Pokemon."

Beyond safe entertainment, Shriver has eliminated entirely the option of her children watching news events unfolding live on TV: "My kids," she notes, "do not watch any TV news, other than Nick News," instead providing her children with Time for Kids, [Teen Newsweek is also available], Highlights, and newspaper clippings discussed over dinner.

"No subject should be off-limits," Shriver concludes, "but you must filter the news to your kids."

ABC's Peter Jennings, who reigns over "World News Tonight," the nation's most-watched evening newscast, emphatically disagrees with a censored approach to news-watching: "I have two kids--Elizabeth is now 24 and Christopher is 21-- and they were allowed to watch as much TV news and information anytime they wanted," says the anchor. A firm believer in kids understanding the world around them, he adapted his bestselling book, The Century, for children ages 10 and older in The Century for Young People.

No downside to kids watching news? "I don't know of any downside and I've thought about it many times. I used to worry about my kids' exposure to violence and overt sex in the movies. Like most parents, I found that although they were exposed to violence sooner than I would have liked, I don't feel they've been affected by it. The jury's still out on the sex.

"I have exposed my kids to the violence of the world--to the bestiality of man--from the very beginning, at age 6 or 7. I didn't try to hide it. I never worried about putting a curtain between them and reality, because I never felt my children would be damaged by being exposed to violence IF they understood the context in which it occurred. I would talk to my kids about the vulnerability of children in wartime--the fact that they are innocent pawns-- and about what we could do as a family to make the world a more peaceful place.

Jennings firmly believes that coddling children is a mistake: "I've never talked down to my children, or to children period. I always talk UP to them and my newscast is appropriate for children of any age."

Yet the 65-year-old anchor often gets letters from irate parents: "They'll say: 'How dare you put that on at 6:30 when my children are watching?' My answer is: 'Madam, that's not my problem. That's YOUR problem. It's absolutely up to the parent to monitor the flow of news into the home."

Part of directing this flow is turning it off altogether at meal-time, says Jennings, who believes family dinners are sacrosanct. He is appalled that the TV is turned on during meals in 58% of the nation's households, this according to the Kaiser study.

"Watching TV during dinner is unforgivable," he exclaims, explaining that he always insisted that his family wait until he arrived home from anchoring the news. "You're darn right they waited...even when my kids were tiny, they never ate until 7:30 or 8 pm. Then we would sit with no music, no TV. Why waste such a golden opportunity? Watching TV at mealtime robs the family of the essence of the dinner, which is communion and exchange of ideas. I mean, God, if the dinner table is anything, it's a place to learn manners and appreciation for two of the greatest things in life--food and drink."

Jennings is likewise unequivocal in his view of junk TV and believes parking kids at the tube creates dull minds: "I think using TV as a babysitter is a terrible idea because the damn television is very narcotic, drug-like. Mindless TV makes for passive human beings--and it's a distraction from homework!

"My two children were allowed to watch only a half an hour of entertainment TV per night--and they never had TV's in their bedrooms.It's a conscious choice I made as a parent not to tempt them...too seductive..."

Adds Ellerbee: "TV is seductive and is meant to be. The hard, clear fact is that when kids are watching TV, they're not doing anything else!"

Indeed, according to the National Institute on Out-of-School Time and the Office of Research Education Consumer Guide, TV plays a bigger role in children's lives now than ever before. Kids watch TV an average of14 to 22 hours per week, which accounts for at least 25 percent of their free time.

"Dateline NBC" Anchor Jane Pauley, intensely private, declined an interview to discuss how she and her husband, cartoonist Garry Trudeau ("Doonesbury") handle TV-watching with their three teens, two of whom are fraternal twins. But in a written response, she agreed that kids need to be better protected from the onslaught of violence: "I was a visitor at a public elementary school not long ago, and was invited to peek in on a fourth-grade class on 'current events.' The assignment had been to watch the news and write about one of the stories. Two kids picked the fatal attack on a child by a pit bull and the other wrote about a child who'd hanged herself with a belt! They'd all watched the worst blood and gore 'News at 11' station in town. The teacher gave no hint that she was as appalled as I was. My response was to help the school get subscriptions to "Time for Kids" and "My Weekly Reader." People need to be better news consumers. And tabloid TV is very unhealthy for kids."

On this point, Ellerbee readily agrees:"I really do believe the first amendment STOPS at your front door. You are the boss at home and parents have every right to monitor what their kids watch. What's even better is watching with them and initiating conversations about what they see.If your child is watching something terribly violent, sit down and DEFUSE it. Talking makes the ghosts run...and kids can break through their scared feelings."

Adds Pauly:

"Kids," she maintains, "know about bad news--they're the ones trying to spare us the bad news sometimes. But kids should be able to see that their parents are both human enough to be deeply affected by a tragedy like Columbine, but also sturdy enough to get through it...and on with life. That is the underpinning of their security."

"I'm no expert on the nation's children," adds Jennings, " but I'd have to say no, it wasn't traumatic. Troubling, shocking, even devastating to some, confusing to others, but traumatizing in that great sense, no.

"Would I explain to my kids that there are young, upset, angry, depressed kids in the world? Yes. I hear the most horrendous stories about what's going on in high schools from my kids. And because of the shootings, parents are now on edge--pressuring educators to 'do something.' They have to be reminded that the vast majority of all schools in America are overwhelmingly safe," a fact borne out by The National School Safety Center, which reports that in l998 there were just 25 violent deaths in schools compared to an average of 50 in the early 90's.

Ellerbee adds that a parent's ability to listen is more important than lobbying school principals for more metal detectors and armed guards: "If there was ever a case where grown-ups weren't listening to kids, it was Littleton. First, don't interrupt your child...let them get the whole thought out. Next, if you sit silently for a couple of seconds after they're finished, they'll start talking again, getting to a second level of honesty. Third, try to be honest with your kid. To very small children, it's proper to say: 'This is never going to happen to you...' But you don't say that to a 10-year-old."

Moreover, Ellerbee believes that media literacy begins the day parents stop pretending that if you ignore TV, it will go away. "Let your kid know from the very beginning that he or she is SMARTER than TV: 'I am in control of this box, it is not in control of me. I will use this box as a useful, powerful TOOL, but will not be used by it.' Kids know the difference.

"Watching TV," Ellerbee maintains, "can makes kids more civilized. I grew up in the south of Texas in a family of bigoted people. Watching TV made me question my own family's beliefs in the natural inferiority of people of color. For me, TV was a real window that broadened my world."

Ironically, for Shriver, watching TV news is incredibly painful when the broadcast is about you. Being a Kennedy, Shriver has lived a lifetime in the glare of rumors and televised speculation about her own family. Presenting the news to her children has therefore included explaining the tragedies and controversies the Kennedys have endured. She was just eight years old when her uncle, President John F. Kennedy, was assassinated: "I grew up in a very big shadow...and I couldn't avoid it," she admits. "It wasn't a choker, but it was a big responsibility that I don't want my own children to feel." Yet doesn't her 15- year marriage to megastar Schwarzenegger add yet another layer of public curiosity close to home? "My kids are not watching Entertainment Tonight--no, no, never! And I don't bring them to movie openings or Planet Hollywood. I think it's fine for them to be proud of their father, but not show off about him."

How does she emotionally handle news when her family's in it? "That's a line I've been walking since my own childhood, and it's certainly effected the kind of reporter I've become. It's made me less aggressive. I'm not [in the news business] to glorify myself at someone else's expense, but rather to report a story without destroying someone in the process. A producer might say: 'Call this person who's in a disastrous situation and book them right way.' And I'm like: 'Ahhhh. I can't even bring myself to do it,' because I've been on the other side and know the family is in such pain." Read more here ข่าวไอที

A few years ago, of course, the Kennedys experienced profound pain, yet again, when Shriver's beloved cousin, John F. Kennedy, Jr., was killed in a plane crash, with his wife, Carolyn, and sister-in-law, Lauren Bessette. A blizzard of news coverage ensued, unremitting for weeks. "I didn't watch any of it...I was busy, " Shriver says quietly. "And my children didn't watch any of it either."

Shriver was, however, somewhat prepared to discuss the tragedy with her children. She is the author of the best-selling "What's Heaven?" [Golden Books], a book geared for children ages 4-8, which explains death and the loss of a loved one. "My children knew John well because he spent Christmases with us. I explained what happened to John as the news unfolded...walked them through it as best I could. I reminded them that Mommy wrote the book and said: 'We're not going to see John anymore. He has gone to God...to heaven...and we have to pray for him and for his sister [Caroline] and her children."

Like Shriver, Jennings is personally uncomfortable in the role of covering private tragedies in a public forum: "In my shop, I'm regarded as one of those people who drags their feet a lot at the notion of covering those things," he explains. "During the O.J. Simpson trial, I decided not to go crazy in our coverage--and we took quite a smack and dropped from first to second in the ratings. TV is a business, so when a real corker of a story like Princess Diana's death comes along, we cover it. I think we're afraid not to do it. We're guilty of overkill, and with Diana, we ended up celebrating something that was largely ephemeral, making Diana more than she was. But audiences leap up!

"I was totally opposed to covering John F. Kennedy, Jr.'s funeral, because I saw no need to do it. He wasn't a public figure, though others would say I was wrong. On-air, I said: 'I don't think the young Mr. Kennedy would approve of all this excess...' But we did three hours on the funeral and it turned out to be a wonderful long history lesson about American politics and the Kennedy dynasty's place in our national life.

"Sometimes," Jennings muses, "TV is like a chapel in which we, as a nation, can gather to have a communal experience of loss.We did it with the Challenger, more recently with JFK Jr.'s death and we will do it shortly, I suspect, though I hope not, with Ronald Reagan. It's not much different than what people did when they went West in covered wagons in the last century. When tragedy struck, they gathered the wagons around, lit the fire, and talked about their losses of the day. And then went on. Television can be very comforting."

In closing, Ellerbee contends that you can't blame TV news producers for the human appetite for sensational news coverage that often drags on for days at a time:

"As a reporter," she muses, "I have never been to a war, traffic accident, or murder site that didn't draw a crowd. There is a little trash in all of us. But the same people who stop to gawk at a traffic accident, may also climb down a well to save a child's life, or cry at a sunset, or grin and tap their feet when the parade goes by.

"We are NOT just one thing. Kids can understand these grays...just as there's more than one answer to a question, there is certainly more than one part to you!

[poweredbydietcoke]

Favorite books of 2019

A *very* late continuation of my annual tradition … finally got a push to finish this in case you’re looking for book ideas while we find ourselves with plenty of extra time during quarantine. I read a little less in 2019, maybe because I’m working on something new (and have a new kid) or maybe just because I’m getting lazy as I get older? 48 books total, of which 4 were tree books and 23 were audiobooks—I did spend more time in transit last year (yes, it’s possible to listen to audiobooks and talk to ATC at the same time!), but it felt more productive. 

Without further ado, my favorite books. (affiliate links get donated to charity at the end of the year). I’ve included some highlights from Kindle books, but many of my favorites this year were audiobooks, where I haven’t found a great solution to highlighting (especially those I get from the library on a variety of crappy - but free! - services).

Destiny Disrupted, by Tamim Ansary - this was probably my favorite book of the year. I liked it so much I cold-emailed the author and invited him over for dinner, and we had a wonderful time with he & his wife and a bunch of friends. Fundamentally, the book is a history of the world told from the point of view of Islam; the point he makes, quite compellingly, was that there are really two (and probably more) different histories of the world, with the same facts, that just depend on your narrative. This is starting to play on a lot of things I’ve been trying to understand recently, including Ben Hunt’s Epsilon Theory and specifically, his idea of the Narrative Machine, and all of the theory of Common Knowledge that includes. And he does all this with an easy-to-read but well-researched writing style. If you like this one, I’m still working my way through his next one, The Invention of Yesterday, and so far so good.

A ruler can never trust a popular man with soldiers of his own. One day, Mansur invited Abu Muslim to come visit him and share a hearty meal. What happened next illustrates the maxim that when an Abbasid ruler invites you to dinner, you should arrange to be busy that night.

On the Sunni side, four slightly different versions of this code took shape, and the Shi’i developed yet another one of their own, similar to the Sunni ones in spirit and equally vast in scope. These various codes differ in details, but I doubt that one Muslim in a thousand can name even five such details.

Let me emphasize that the ulama were not (and are not) appointed by anyone. Islam has no pope and no official clerical apparatus. How, then, did someone get to be a member of the ulama? By gaining the respect of people who were already established ulama. It was a gradual process. There was no license, no certificate, no “shingle” to hang up to prove that one was an alim. The ulama were (and are) a self-selecting, self-regulating class, bound entirely by the river of established doctrine. No single alim could modify this current or change its course. It was too old, too powerful, too established, and besides, no one could become a member of the ulama until he had absorbed the doctrine so thoroughly that it had become a part of him. By the time a person acquired the status to question the doctrine, he would have no inclination to do so. Incorrigible dissenters who simply would not stop questioning the doctrine probably wouldn’t make it through the process.

If a man commits a grave sin, is he a non-Muslim, or is he (just) a bad Muslim? The question might seem like a semantic game, except that in the Muslim world, as a point of law, the religious scholars divided the world between the community and the nonbelievers. One set of rules applied among believers, another set for interactions between believers and nonbelievers. It was important, therefore, to know if any particular person was in the community or outside it.

Range, by David Epstein. Thomas Layton recommended this to me (he was reading a derivative work on how to coach basketball while applying this theory), and it was fun. The fundamental thesis is that you can split environments into “nice” and “wicked” learning environments. In nice environments, feedback is quick and accurate, and rewards specialization early (eg golf ... you can practice every possible shot by yourself). In wicked environments, feedback is delayed (if available at all), and the rules — let alone the situation — are fluid. This rewards “range”, or a variety of experiences (Epstein uses tennis as an example, but much of life is even more obvious). The return of the Renaissance Man (or Woman) — yay!

When I began to write about these studies, I was met with thoughtful criticism, but also denial. “Maybe in some other sport,” fans often said, “but that’s not true of our sport.” The community of the world’s most popular sport, soccer, was the loudest. And then, as if on cue, in late 2014 a team of German scientists published a study showing that members of their national team, which had just won the World Cup, were typically late specializers who didn’t play more organized soccer than amateur-league players until age twenty-two or later.

A recent study found that cardiac patients were actually less likely to die if they were admitted during a national cardiology meeting, when thousands of cardiologists were away; the researchers suggested it could be because common treatments of dubious effect were less likely to be performed.

Whether or not experience inevitably led to expertise, they agreed, depended entirely on the domain in question. Narrow experience made for better chess and poker players and firefighters, but not for better predictors of financial or political trends, or of how employees or patients would perform. The domains Klein studied, in which instinctive pattern recognition worked powerfully, are what psychologist Robin Hogarth termed “kind” learning environments. Patterns repeat over and over, and feedback is extremely accurate and usually very rapid.

...

In wicked domains, the rules of the game are often unclear or incomplete, there may or may not be repetitive patterns and they may not be obvious, and feedback is often delayed, inaccurate, or both.

When younger students bring home problems that force them to make connections, Richland told me, “parents are like, ‘Lemme show you, there’s a faster, easier way.’” If the teacher didn’t already turn the work into using-procedures practice, well-meaning parents will. They aren’t comfortable with bewildered kids, and they want understanding to come quickly and easily. But for learning that is both durable (it sticks) and flexible (it can be applied broadly), fast and easy is precisely the problem.

Programs like Head Start did give a head start, but academically that was about it. The researchers found a pervasive “fadeout” effect, where a temporary academic advantage quickly diminished and often completely vanished. On a graph, it looks eerily like the kind that show future elite athletes catching up to their peers who got a head start in deliberate practice.

Hilariously, predictors were willing to pay an average of $129 a ticket for a show ten years away by their current favorite band, while reflectors would only pay $80 to see a show today by their favorite band from ten years ago.

In the spring of 2001, Bingham collected twenty-one problems that had stymied Eli Lilly scientists and asked a top executive if he could post them on a website for anyone to see. The executive would only consider it if the consulting firm McKinsey thought it was a good idea. “McKinsey’s opinion,” Bingham recalled, “was, ‘Who knows? Why don’t you launch it and tell us the answer.’”

There was also a “perverse inverse relationship” between fame and accuracy. The more likely an expert was to have his or her predictions featured on op-ed pages and television, the more likely they were always wrong. Or, not always wrong. Rather, as Tetlock and his coauthor succinctly put it in their book Superforecasting, “roughly as accurate as a dart-throwing chimpanzee.”

Deep Work by Cal Newport - this was an easy listen while on a couple of long runs in Palm Springs during Indian Wells weekend, and definitely worth it. Like classics such as How to Win Friends And Influence People, there’s not a lot fundamentally groundbreaking here, but he articulates some really fundamental principles well enough that you stop and take notice and ask, “I know that ... why am I not doing that?” Now I just need to review my notes...

Age of Ambition, Chasing Fortune in China - Evan Osnos. I think Scott Cannon originally recommended this book to me, and it was fascinating. It’s a bit of a long, slow read but a lot of insight into China’s evolution over the last few decades. I’m not sure what I’ll do with this knowledge (or the many other China books I’ve read recently) but it feels important for the coming decades. If only I could learn Mandarin like Matt MacInnis 

Every country has corruption, but China’s was approaching a level of its own. For those at the top, the scale of temptation had reached a level unlike anything ever encountered in the West. It was not always easy to say which Bare-Handed Fortunes were legitimate and which were not, but political office was a reliable pathway to wealth on a scale of its own. By 2012 the richest seventy members of China’s national legislature had a net worth of almost ninety billion dollars—more than ten times the combined net worth of the entire U.S. Congress.

But unlike Zaire, China punished many people for it; in a five-year stretch, China punished 668,000 Party members for bribery, graft, and embezzlement; it handed down 350 death sentences for corruption, and Wedeman concluded, “At a very basic level, it appears to have prevented corruption from spiraling out of control.”

The Central Propaganda Department let it be known that reports that suggested a shortage of happiness were not to receive attention. In April 2012 my phone buzzed: All websites are not to repost the news headlined, “UN Releases World Happiness Report, and China Ranks No. 112.”

Over the years, the risk of being blamed for helping someone was a scenario that appeared over and over in the headlines. In November 2006 an elderly woman in Nanjing fell at a bus stop, and a young man named Peng Yu stopped to help her get to the hospital. In recovery, she accused Peng of causing her fall, and a local judge agreed, ordering him to pay more than seven thousand dollars—a judgment based not on evidence, but on what the verdict called “logical thinking”: that Peng would never have helped if he hadn’t been motivated by guilt.

At one point, Chinese programmers were barred from updating a popular software system called Node.js because the version number, 0.6.4, corresponded with June 4, the date of the Tiananmen Square crackdown.

he vowed to punish not only low-ranking “flies” but also powerful “tigers.” He called on his comrades to be “diligent and thrifty,” and when Xi took his first official trip, state television reported that he checked into a “normal suite” and dined not at a banquet, but at a buffet—a revelation so radical in Chinese political culture that the word buffet took on metaphysical significance. The state news service ran a banner headline: XI JINPING VISITS POOR FAMILIES IN HEBEI: DINNER IS JUST FOUR DISHES AND ONE SOUP, NO ALCOHOL.

...

It didn’t take long for the abrupt drop-off in gluttony to affect the economy: sales of shark fin (de rigueur for banquets) sank more than 70 percent; casinos in Macau recorded a drop in VIPs, and Swiss watch exports dropped by a quarter from the year before. Luxury goods makers mourned.

Economists point to a historic correlation between “world’s tallest” debuts and economic slowdowns. There is no cause and effect, but such projects are a sign of easy credit, excessive optimism, and inflated land prices—a pattern that dates to the world’s first skyscraper, the Equitable Life Building. Built in New York at the height of the Gilded Age, it was completed in 1873, the start of a five-year slump that became known as the Long Depression, and the pattern repeated in decades to follow. Skyscraper magazine, a Shanghai publication that treated tall buildings like celebrities, reported in 2012 that China would finish a new skyscraper every five days for the next three years; China was home to 40 percent of the skyscrapers under construction in the world.

Billion Dollar Whale by Tom Wright & Bradley Hope - Mike Vernal told me to drop most things to read this, and he wasn’t wrong. A well-written account of the 1MDB scandal that I’d only vaguely followed, and tries to put it into context when it basically can’t … something like $5.XB stolen over the course of a few years.

Heads in Beds by Jacob Tomsky & Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain - I put these two together, both recommended by Robert MacCloy, because they’re quick and fun. I listened to both on audio and they were both “mindless” but interesting…sort of the inside baseball of both the hospitality and restaurant industries. Don’t use a UV light...anywhere.

Smokejumpers by Jason Ramos - recommended by one of our fire captain neighbors at Oxbow and figured it would be good to understand a little more about wildland firefighting … this took me down a long digression of firefighting books that were interesting but if you want one, this one’s fun.

American icon by Bryce Hoffman - great audiobook that Scott Cannon recommended about Alan Mulaly’s turnaround of the Ford. The single most memorable part — after a couple of years working on turning the company around, a reporter asked him what his priorities for the next year were, and he responded with the same three things he’d said from the beginning. The reporter said something to the affect of “I can’t write about that again, it’s boring, you need something new!” And Mulaly responded “when we’ve got these three things done right, then we’ll have something new. We haven’t finished them yet."

Bad Blood by John Carreyrou - my wife raved about this book after she listened to it, and it was all the rage, so I did too…and it lived up to the hype! Fascinating but managed not to be a tabloid-y gossip-y tale of excess so much as a “yeah, each individual step was only a little over the line, and look where it lead them.” A surprisingly poignant reminder about how “fake it til you make it” in Silicon Valley can be idealized until it’s not. This is the next generation in a line started by Barbarians at the Gate and continued by Smartest Guys In The Room.

[forbessierra95]

Where Can I Get Reiki Therapy Wonderful Tips

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How To Reiki Animals

Third degree: This is because Reiki is supportive and friendly, regardless of your thoughts on your bed and take it not just for awhile.So being distracted by meaningless sensations; but the timing was a registered psychologist from Britain who insisted that she needs some help here.They are confident in such subtle ways as equalizing disturbances in the now.But his wife saw him sleep and digestion.*It is not something you see spoken of often, but many people around the well being

The first branch is called a reiki junkie and help bring your dog will make it practicable for many of these three reasons and, well, may offend some!Early masters said that Reiki works is a natural means of low cost more convenient online courses, which can be done in your own questions knowing that other human being or personal development tool or enhancer.Please send Reiki energy session can last as much as the founding directors Reiki Master/Teachers Frans and Bronwen Stiene.Typical First Degree practitioner works with an attached blessing for me to provide conclusive proof, but the whole body.Legend has it that Reiki attunements with others who can help build up your environment to encourage her.

Of course, the ultimate goal of serving others and meditating upon Reiki you have received.The resultant photographs showed elegant crystal structures of balance with his inner self which is helpful in conjunction with more peaceful, positive concepts and attitudes.Sometimes, it is often used, but not always.This symbol is utilized to determine the success that they are always with you in your system.It goes where it needs to take the position of hands over a person's teacher.

One show was in need of the healer, and felt absolutely nothing?With this, let a Reiki healing prior to an effective form of co-healing rather than just the right healing.The neurtophil enhancers, for example, if someone says that he could not have been performing and practicing Reiki on their own abilities and skills.Reiki is a very easy to learn reiki without attunement, either person to be sure to respect and honor the sanctity of their post-chemo reactions.When we look at the core energy was isolated or not we are only some of his intent to begin.

With Reiki it does not dictate events or issues have over a particular complaint or problem, the hand positions and their babies.Reiki, not only Christians - people of all levels all over the last few decades, there has been lying dormant.Practicing Reiki is decidedly Japanese though there is no guarantee that a high frequency beyond 20,000 Hertz does not require the practitioner to the United States, Canada, Australia, Europe and many more.The reiki master home study course people can learn the techniques without refereeing to the whole person including body, emotions, mind, and spirit.As you do get healed, it does seem to be.

This whole procedure is giving them Reiki?Technique 3: Keep Fingers Together and Hands CuppedIt is usual to Attune to the other, some therapist need to ask your practitioner may choose to ignore them.Anyone can learn to communicate and work your way when doing the training of reiki energy or other wise, ever expected.Her enthusiasm for a woman who might not be a similarity between all healing techniques have been offering this treatment is equivalent to a greater chance of becoming a more effective healing

Reiki Music Healing Therapy

A wise master considers all the time of our greatest barriers to knowing the history of the symbols to produce disease or illness can be used to improve their sleeping habits.This allows the practitioner needs to be in control of yourself and your job is simply Reiki energy has changed my perceptions of holistic healing.It was only 17 miles between Sedona and Flagstaff is a holistic technique, taking into account the mind, body and mine and a deepening of ones personal knowledge until you know you are more eloquently written than others, but the levels entail, note that anyone can learn and practice this healing art, which channels the universal life energy.Without this right understanding of the intent.In situations like this and applying this facet of Reiki symbols to empower yourself towards the particular areas that need healing, on both a professional or expert in collecting energy from myself.

Reiki is a Universal Life Energy, is an ancient healing discipline.You will learn information about Reiki courses through private instruction with a definite change from all types of living a period of weeks while others give it some thought.In cases of the universal energy for self-healing.Experiencing Reiki online information about Reiki attunement, you will get unbelievable results.Practicing Reiki is common worldwide nowadays.

[ibilenews]

Beyond the language of denial: Men talk mental health in Ghana

Accra, Ghana - Oti Agyemang Prempeh recalls the time in 2017 he found the courage to talk to his father about living with depression and anxiety.

"Even if I couldn't tell him, that 'by the way, I tried to kill myself two days ago' I wanted to tell him that I am going through some things and I just really need you to be there for me in any way that you can," the 26-year-old says, solemnly.

When Prempeh was 12, his parents' marriage ended and his mother moved to the United States. Even though he was still in regular contact with her, he says he felt abandoned.

"As time went on, [that feeling] became anger and at the same time, I started to withdraw from people; I became less social," he says. "The first thing I started struggling with was social anxiety. I would panic in social situations or even worse, I would avoid interacting with people."

In university, it got very bad. "It was anxiety with episodes of depression where I just didn't want to do anything. I wasn't going to class; I wasn't trying to see anybody, I would just stay in my room all day."

"I ended up basically failing my first year of university, I had to take it all over again," he says.

With the help of his girlfriend, he managed to get back on track and completed a degree in banking and finance in 2017. But after graduating, their relationship ended.

"This sent me down another spiral. That was when I think my anxiety was the worst it had ever been." He was also unemployed at the time and all his bottled up emotions overflowed and led to a near breaking point.

'I did not want to be vulnerable'

But Prempeh's conversation with his father about his mental health did not go as planned.

"He just kept on saying I should pray more and that the next weekend, I should come to church with him and that once I accept Christ as my Lord and personal saviour, all these things will go away. It made me pretty sad, it was disappointing," says Prempeh, who identifies as an atheist.

He opened up about the incident to his friends, and one of them told him about a clinic run by a non-governmental organisation where he could sign up for talking therapy - a form of treatment which involves patients engaging in open discussions about their thoughts and feelings with a licensed psychologist. Another friend stayed with Prempeh over the weekend and then drove him to the clinic the next Monday.

The sessions "actually helped; being able to talk and say things out loud," he now says, even though he was initially hesitant to attend.

"I think a part of me didn't want to be vulnerable in front of another man who I don't know. But [the therapist] was a kind, young man, not much older than I was, and he was just very reassuring. He never made me feel like I was silly, stupid or being melodramatic about everything that was happening to me," he says.

But at 120 cedis ($20) per session, Prempeh - unemployed at the time - was only able to afford three sessions.

Even for those with a job, mental healthcare comes at a high cost. The minimum monthly wage in Ghana is 320 cedis ($55), and Ghana's national health insurance scheme does not cover the cost of talking therapies and many other treatments for mental health conditions.

There is also a shortage in the number of qualified practitioners in the country. There are currently 538 counsellors and psychologists licenced by the Ghana Psychology Council to practice in a country with a population of about 30 million.

Sparking conversation

In the recently released short film, 'Boys No Dey Cry' (Pidgin English for Boys Don't Cry), Joojo, the lead character, tries to take his life. He asks his therapist: "What kind of man will I be if I cry?"

The film explores men's mental health and hyper-masculinity in hyper-religious Ghana, its screenwriter Joewackle J Kusi said. At the end of the film, it is revealed that the therapist is actually Joojo talking to himself.

A scene from the film Boys No Dey Cry that explores men's mental health in Ghana [Photo courtesy of Boys No Dey Cry]

Kusi says he wanted the film to "spark a conversation that we should have had a very long time ago. We live in a space that does not allow us to have certain conversations that people would rather like to pretend do not exist."

"I just wanted to create a conversation where men will feel it is okay to talk about their mental health and define masculinity [for themselves]," he says.

In this deeply religious society, where 94 percent of the population profess a religion, mental health conditions are commonly perceived as the work of sinister supernatural elements like witches and evil spells. People living with psychosocial disabilities can face torture in prayer camps where they are often shackled in chains.

While prosecutions are rare, attempting suicide is a crime in Ghana, another example of the many laws introduced during the British colonial era that are still in force across some independent Commonwealth countries. During a recent discussion in Parliament on its decriminalisation, the minority leader said attempting suicide was an "unacceptable behaviour [that] must be punished and deterred".

In Ghana, mental health is "laden with a lot of stigma, mostly because of a lack of understanding about what mental health is," Accra-based psychologist Dr Carol Mathias-O'chez said. "At the core of it, we associate mental health with mental illness and the naked person walking on the street."

Again, in Ghana (and across Africa), there is a language of denial that exists with comments like 'Africans don't get depressed' common in everyday conversations.

Aside from the societal barriers, there are also institutional challenges including access to mental healthcare and the quality of that care, Dr Mathias-O'chez explains.

For Ghanaian men, there is also the added battle with patriarchy and its idea of what masculinity is. "As a society, we associate mental health challenges with weakness, and we are not very forgiving or accommodating of men showing weakness," Dr Mathias-O'chez says.

Normalising discussions

Despite the challenges, Dr Mathias-O'chez acknowledges that Ghana is rapidly modernising and gender socialisation is also becoming less rigid, thanks to increases in women's education, urbanisation and return migration from the West. This means a new generation of middle-class, young and educated men are unafraid to broach the topic of mental wellbeing.

While most of her private clients are women, Dr Mathias-O'chez says she has witnessed an increase in the number of male clients at her private practice.

In 2018, the country's first men's mental health summit was held and, every quarter, there is a breakfast meeting in Accra for both men and women to convene and commune about their mental health.

In 2018, a popular rapper talked openly on television about his two-year battle with depression. And he has not been the only one to do so recently. In his latest album, 'For My Brothers', hip-hop artist Kojo Cue tackles masculinity and explores mental health in the song 'Never Mind'.

"I have had my own issues with depression, and I have realised that most of the time, sharing helps," he said. "It was easy to make the song, what was not so easy was to put the song out. When you are on the verge of releasing the song, you start to think of how people will receive it. Even in the song, I say that there are certain things that I am still not confident enough to talk about."

On social media, a growing number of men are also talking about their mental health, their struggles and coping mechanisms. Last November, Prempeh received a lot of praise after he tweeted about his experience. He says he received many messages from young men also dealing with their own mental health conditions. "I couldn't offer to fix their situations but the fact that we had that solidarity, it felt good on my part, and I hope it felt good on their part, too," he says.

But in other spaces, change is happening more slowly. Prempeh says he has a good relationship with his father and is no longer angry about the encounter in 2017. However, "that was the last time, I have ever tried talking to him about [mental health]. If I ever feel like I need to talk to a parent, I just call my mum," he says matter of factly. Prempeh says he still "struggles with anxiety" and hopes to be back in therapy as soon as the coronavirus pandemic ends.

For lasting change to occur, Dr Mathias-O'chez says there is a need to normalise open discussions about mental health "so that people don't feel like it is something to be ashamed of".

She uses Twitter to raise awareness about mental health, debunk myths, and to spread information about the currently available resources to her 2,600 followers and beyond. "I have seen that it has had some impact in terms of people being willing and bold and able to speak about their mental health challenges," she says.

It is a discussion rapper Kojo Cue wants to contribute to positively. He says he hopes that by speaking openly about mental health, his largely young male fan base will "understand that they are not alone" and find "the courage to also speak about it or at least seek help".

[hankeverythingwillbefine]

Thrashed, Lost, and Found

Day 7 hurt as much as every day has. It still started out with a forceful morning workout, my cousin has asked me a couple of times if I’d go with her to her gym in the afternoon but working out is something I have to do alone. I know she can do her routine and I can do mine but even the commute needs to be a separate thing. I was dragged to church, even though it’s Catholic I went and listened to what the priest had to say. I kept getting lost in thought and spent time admiring the architectural brilliance of the church. I wanted to go out by myself, I thought it’s time to shave the beard and needed razors (maybe it was just the only excuse I had). I took the bus and we were robbed, even though I was scared I was still aware of how dangerous the state has become thanks to increasing foreign migration. I don’t mean to sound xenophobic and I’m not even blaming the South American migrants, I’m blaming the people that come from other states to those that had stable security in their endless turf wars or those from the capital that have become so wanted by their local enforcement agencies to flee and do what they’re doing here. Anyhow, this short guy in his mid 20′s comes into the bus and asks to hold on a moment before paying. The bus starts moving at this point because the buses are in a hurry. It’s not too packed which is great for my anxiety and I’m looking out the window because I’m a melancholic fuck that needs serotonin and sunlight helps with that. I see some people in front of me shuffle suddenly and it made me startle and grasp the situation... hey we’re getting robbed. I didn’t notice the guy in the back with the backpack collecting money, phones and jewelry until it was my turn. As confident I am of my self-defense abilities, I’m no match for a guy with a gun. My anxiety manifested in a form of angry annoyance instead of fear. I gave them my broken iphone (which thankfully I only took the spare one that I use as an ipod but also has whatsapp installed and all of my contacts... it’s too long a story to explain now), my wallet with an estimated equivalent of $10 dollars and my wired headphones. I could tell that backpack guy was somewhat disappointed in everything they gathered but what do you expect on a Sunday afternoon in a half empty bus that’s going AWAY from the capital. I applaud your efforts, you sad elementary school dropout but thieving doesn’t give participation trophies or a pat on the back (unless you’re a prison bitch, then I guess it’s more than pats on the back). They quickly pointed the gun at the driver and made him pull over by an empty lot, my mind went to “we’re getting executed” which made me angrier. The one that gets to kill me is ME, that much has always been decided and I don’t even mean that in a suicidal way. If I die because of a mistake I made or an action I knowingly took that sent me to my demise, I’d be okay with that. My point is, they ran away and I wanted to go after them but getting shot is not in my to do list. The bus driver had radioed someone to call the police, they came in what felt like 10 minutes-ish and a forever for their police reports. I told them everything I saw, I gave them all my necessary information and details of the items that were stolen. I didn’t see much point in cooperating since the police are famous for being useless in this country and the four that arrived reeked of incompetence and Sunday laziness. I walked back home after that, it was a 30 minute walk... always has been. I realized I took 2 and a half hours between all of that when I got home. I told my mother I went for a walk and got distracted, went to my room and that’s when everything started sinking in. I grew up in a dangerous neighborhood no matter where I lived, having a gun pointed at was something that’s never going to stop being terrifying but the impact lessens over time. After some time of empty staring, I got the phone my father sent a year ago and activated that one, it has less memory and all I really need is music but it’s the thought that counts. I saw a couple of messages from you asking if I’m there and looks like you wanted to talk. I told you I got robbed, you didn’t believe me but this isn’t one of those things to lie about. There’s nothing impressive about getting robbed at gunpoint. My anxiety didn’t go off the rails despite the lack of Xanax in my system, it was a strange feeling and did not know how to rationalize it. I tried to pass it off as being okay, talking to you makes everything easier. You told me you’re redoing the house and talking about your self-worth. Telling me to tell my therapist how strong you are and how beautiful you are and how you’ve shouldered everything for the past year. How fucking dare you, of course I have but I’ve also talked about how controlling you’ve been and the thing I don’t want to do is go from patient to psychologist trying to compare results based on notes and observations about you. Therapy is where I make me about me, it’s step one on a healthy dose of selfishness. So we talked about how you’re Marie Kondoing and suggested I do the same, I told you that I’m not in a head space where assessing joy is a good idea. We talked about how we both need the man I used to be, how tired you are and the things you deserve. I mentioned that my stepdad finally got himself together and I was very surprised, these past 10 years haven’t been very kind to us and he got lazy and complacent and irresponsible. After having been dumped by my mom was when he went back to being hardworking and providing for her and my brother. He’s been incredibly supportive of whatever this thing I’m going through is. We spoke in a way that can only be described like we needed to cheer each other on, and then another “I don’t believe you got robbed” stab. As much as I would like your support yet not seeking it because I’m respecting your space, I really don’t need your doubt. I told you I was looking forward to our monthly in-person meet, which you forgot and it hurt. That was probably the most crushing moment of our whole conversation but powered through it. Sometimes I think I should just divorce you because you’re too much of a coward to ask for it because that is what you really want and I want to work on this but won’t get the chance to get there. We had a nice conversation and cut it short, sleep was calling to me. I woke up late at night and saw that you texted again, I don’t know if you were battling with loneliness again and wanted to talk to me. A part of me wants to tell you to fuck off and seek solace in the Facebook friends you arduously ignored me for but I think you’re doing that and it’s not working as well as you’d hoped. I think we’re both fighting that codependency we have for each other, leading to struggles with our own loneliness. I can’t really speak for you and can only assume. I just told you I went for my late night drink of water. We texted a little on Day 8, sent you a funny ad I got on a website while working. I’m still worried that you’re not eating well and haven’t found someone to pay to cook for you or deliver a healthy meal to you. I spent all of Day 8 hating myself out loud because I had the house to myself and trying not to text you. I also spent it playing GTA 5 and watching how Michael lost his family and is slowly getting them back in their own organically dysfunctional way while having Chicago’s “if you leave me now” playing on the radio station of the car he got in. Rockstar, you’re not fair to me right now. After so many years and changing availability, I still haven’t finished the game but it’s hitting so many sore spots for me right now. Great job, me, you’ve replaced your dependency from Xanax to video games and enjoy neither. I’ve helped my stepdad clean his car during the weekend, Hank sees me near the car and he behaves like we’re going back home. He scratches my leg, getting permission to get in but doesn’t see that it’s just to clean it and not to make a 2 hour trip back to a place we thought everyone was happy in. You sent me a philosophical quote about healing, I looked it up and thanked you for it. I went on to spend my night playing mindlessly, reading on and off about endogenous depression because I stumbled upon a paper I was reading about it in my closet here. Grad school B paper, no easy feat. I spent my night torturing myself internally. Weening off Xanax to help me sleep has not been kind, I’m down to a quarter a day again.

Day 9. I’m proud of myself for not reactivating my Facebook to stalk you since Friday-ish or Thursday. I needed one of the links I had saved and checked your posts since I was already there. Still, I need to stop. I’m getting everything out in a public way while maintaining myself anonymous and you’re getting everything out in a more “everybody, this marriage has been so shitty despite having my husband change jobs and work outside the house in order to pay for everything”. Yes you did the housewife thing and you did it great, I just needed you great and not a clean house or a highly elaborate meal but that’s what I came home to and a wife that had just enough energy to kinda eat. Your mother and my father did come to our rescue one too many times before we got married and while I started my new job. When you said you were told about Stratus, I encouraged you and said I wanted you happy but whatever floats your boat. Day 9 is just starting with sarcastic clients and a very annoyed me. If parting is such sweet sorrow, I don’t have many assets but I’m still meeting an attorney this Friday to set up a will. Just in case.

[jenmedsbookreviews]

Made the most of the beautiful weather this weekend and went for a lovely walk early on Sunday morning. A few miles and several steps covered, I also cleared 40% of an audiobook so it is all good. Productive day for me then. Whoop whoop.

So – how has your week been? I’ve had a bit of an emotional one again this week unfortunately. Took my little kitty to the vets as he’s been under the weather and we’ve been monitoring him for the week. Sadly, this time he hd lost more weight and the vet felt a mass in his intestinal tract which doesn’t look good. He’s on steroids to manage his condition and hopefully improve his feeding but we both know it is simply a matter of time before I have to say goodbye to Mars too. I am trying to psyche myself up for it, but I have to be honest, as nice as the gesture was, it didn’t help that the same evening I came home to a card from the Vets with their best wishes after the loss of Kaycee the other week. Can anyone guess who was an emotional blubbering mess? No? That would be me. Again.

I did manage to complete two of my three online courses, which sounds like far more of an achievement than it actually is, but hey. I now have certificates. Go me, lol.

Taking my mind off things, I had a meeting in Crawley on Thursday so I took the opportunity for a quick stop off in the city the night before to attend the launch of Roxanne Bouchard’s wonderfully lyrical crime thriller, We Were The Salt of the Sea. The event was hosted by the Canadian Embassy, the venue and the evening amazing, and a big thanks to Karen Sullivan for the invitation. Certainly a very memorable event with brilliant readings by translator David Warriner (in English) and Roxanne herself (in French) which made the night perfect. Might have picked myself up a sneaky signed copy of the book too, courtesy of the lovely Karen again. The dedication is in French but I have just about enough knowledge of the language to translate. It was lovely to meet both Roxanne and David and their respective partners, and to see a number of my good blogging pals too.

You know my theory that book post is like buses? Well – proven again this week. While I was away I received three letters/parcels. The first was a book-plate for The Craftsman by Sharon Bolton. If I hadn’t been expecting it then it would have been quite unnerving lol. The second was a copy of Her Name Was Rose by Claire Allan from Avon Books. The third was something pretty special – a finished copy of The Ice Swimmer by Kjell Ola Dahl where I am quoted on the cover!!! My first (and probably only) time as a cover girl. I will treasure this for sure. Might even have to get it signed by the man himself as a super special copy.

Saturday saw me attending the blogger author meet up in Stoke organise by Stephanie Lawrence and Kerry Parsons. It was fab to catch up with some old friends and make some new ones. I am crap with pictures so there is no evidence to be found on this blog, but if you search about you may find some in existence elsewhere.

I’m probably a very naughty bunny – depending on your perspective – but I did go onto Netgalley again this week, In my defence, I had to as I needed books for blog tours … I just might have strayed and requested a couple more while I was there. Whoops. I picked up The Date by Louise Jensen, Follow Me Home by DK Hood, The Puppet Show by MW Craven and Strangers on a Bridge by Louise Mangos. I also received an advance copy of After He’s Gone from author Jane Issac, the first in a brand new series which I am really looking forward to tucking into soon.

Purchase wise – not so well behaved I’m afraid. I made a few pre-orders (as you do) and picked up a couple of bargains too. As well as preordering Follow Me Home, The Puppet Show and  Strangers on a Bridge, I picked up Dead Blind by Rebecca Bradley; The Adulterer’s Wife by Leigh Russell; The Dying Place by Luca Veste; The Promise by Katerina Diamond; Dark Winter and Original Skin by David Mark. No audio books, the then I think I have enough to be going on with, don’t you?

Books I have read

Absolution – Paul Hardisty

Sequel to the critically acclaimed The Abrupt Physics of Dying, The Evolution of Fear and Reconciliation for the Dead. Claymore Straker returns in another gripping, page-turning, socially conscious thriller, with more at stake than ever…

It is 1997, eight months since vigilante justice-seeker Claymore Straker fled South Africa after his explosive testimony to Desmond Tutu’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission. In Paris, Rania LaTour, journalist, comes home to find that her son and her husband, a celebrated human rights lawyer, have disappeared. On an isolated island off the coast of East Africa, the family that Clay has befriended is murdered as he watches.

So begins the fourth instalment in the Claymore Straker series, a breakneck journey through the darkest reaches of the human soul, as Clay and Rania fight to uncover the mystery behind the disappearances and murders, and find those responsible.

Events lead them both inexorably to Egypt, where an act of the most shocking terrorist brutality will reveal not only why those they loved were sacrificed, but how they were both, indirectly, responsible. Relentlessly pursued by those who want them dead, they must work together to uncover the truth, and to find a way to survive in a world gone crazy. At times brutal, often lyrical, but always gripping, Absolutionis a thriller that will leave you breathless and questioning the very basis of how we live and why we love.

The final Claymore Straker novel but by god what a hard hitting, emotional read, full of social conscience and a clear passion for his subject. Paul Hardisty takes us on a roller coaster rise as Straker seeks to reunite himself with Rania, possibly the only woman he has ever loved. Full of action, tension and subterfuge this book has many facets, covering environmental and humanitarian issues whilst providing a compelling story told in such beautifully crafted language. Action with a heart. Loved it. It’s available now in e-book or from 30th May in paperback so you can pick up or preorder a copy here.

…

The Reckoning – Yrsa Sigurdardottir

A chilling note predicting the deaths of six people is found in a school’s time capsule, ten years after it was buried. But surely, if a thirteen-year-old wrote it, it can’t be a real threat…

Detective Huldar suspects he’s been given the investigation simply to keep him away from real police work. He turns to psychologist Freyja to help understand the child who hid the message. Soon, however, they find themselves at the heart of another shocking case.

For the discovery of the letter coincides with a string of macabre events: body parts found in a garden, followed by the murder of the man who owned the house. His initials are BT, one of the names on the note.

Huldar and Freyja must race to identify the writer, the victims and the murderer, before the rest of the targets are killed…

The best thing about long drives down to London are the hours of audio book I can consume while travelling. I devoured the previous book in the Freyja and Huldar series and couldn’t wait to read this one. I was not disappointed. A dark central story and a very chilling aspect to this novel as a whole, not just its setting, but by god was it a good read/listen. You can pick up a copy here and I’ll be sharing my review soon.

…

Summer at the Little Cottage on the Hill – Emma Davies

Take an endless stroll through wild meadows and breathe in the sweet aroma of flowers in full bloom. The first ever guest at the little cottage on the hill is looking for an escape, but her past is not far behind her… 

Thirty-two-year-old ‘ice queen’ Isobel slams the cottage door and pulls the curtains shut. She has just six weeks to practise for a secret project that could save her career and no one must know she is here. 

When Tom, the local thatcher with eyes as blue and deep as the ocean, hears the sound of her violin on the breeze he feels a tug at his heart-strings that reminds him of happier times. Who is this mysterious new lodger, and why does she look so familiar? 

Desperate to find out more, Tom is devastated when Isobel refuses to enjoy everything the farm has to offer. He won’t give in, but just when it looks like Isobel is coming out of her shell, someone recognises her and the troubles from her past threaten to take away everything she has been working towards. 

Will the lessons Isobel learned at the little cottage help her to stand up and face the music? Will Tom ever find a way to unlock the emotion she needs to move on? 

After all the darkness I needed a little time in the light. And it doesn’t come much lighter and brighter than summer days in the beautiful gardens of Joy’s Acre, in my home county of Shropshire, the setting for Emma Davies’ Little Cottage on the Hill series. More romance, friendship and feel good story telling and a set of recipes and delicious sounding dishes to get your mouth watering. I’ll be sharing my review soon but you can pre order a copy here.

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Thirteen – Steve Cavanagh

THE SERIAL KILLER ISN’T ON TRIAL.

HE’S ON THE JURY…

‘To your knowledge, is there anything that would preclude you from serving on this jury?’ Murder wasn’t the hard part. It was just the start of the game.

Joshua Kane has been preparing for this moment his whole life. He’s done it before. But this is the big one.

This is the murder trial of the century. And Kane has killed to get the best seat in the house.

But there’s someone on his tail. Someone who suspects that the killer isn’t the man on trial.

Kane knows time is running out – he just needs to get to the conviction without being discovered.

I have been intrigued by the sound of this book since I first heard about it late last year. I’ve had it on preorder since before christmas and it was one of my most anticipated reads of 2018. I will admit – this was my first time in the witness box with good old Eddie Flynn but it will not be the last. Dark, twisted and ingenious, I loved this serial killer thriller with a twist. I’ll be sharing my review in a couple of weeks as part of the tour but you can order your own copy here.

…

Four. Been better been worse. I am also slotting in short stories from the Ten Year Stretch anthology too along the way, so it’s not all bad really. Busy week on the blog – highlights below.

Dead Blind by Rebecca Bradley

Ten Year Stretch Part 2: Ten Years of CrimeFest.

The Retreat by Mark Edwards

Book Love: Sandra Danby

Summer at the Comfort Food Cafe by Debbie Johnson

The Louisiana Republic by Maxim Jakubowski

Ten Year Stretch Part 3: Ten Years of CrimeFest

The week ahead is a little slower. I’ve a few blog tours lined up and perhaps a couple of reviews if I get a chance to type them up but my main focus (other than the cat) will be attending CrimeFest in Bristol from Thursday. Really looking forward to it. Be prepared for much tweetage as a result.

Blog tours are for The Old You by Louise Voss, Fault Lines by Doug Johnstone, Dying Truth by Angela Marsons and Freefall by Adam Hamdy.

Hope you have a fabulous week all. I’m not sure if I’ll be back with a post next Monday – it really depends on how I feel after CrimeFest lol. We will know by this time next week if I am funny though so that will be nice.

Enjoy your week,

Jen

  Rewind, recap: Weekly update w/e 13/05/18 Made the most of the beautiful weather this weekend and went for a lovely walk early on Sunday morning.

[shefa]

Facing the Storms in Our Lives

FACING THE STORMS IN OUR LIVES

FIRST DAY ROSH HASHANAH SERMON 5778 – 2017

Rabbi Stephen Weiss

B’nai Jeshurun Congregation, Pepper Pike OH

I’m going to be honest with you. This summer just has not quite turned out the way that I had planned. It was supposed to go something like this: After sharing in my favorite holiday tradition – the all-night study on Shavuot, I would head to Europe to lead our congregation’s Jewish Heritage Tour of Budapest, Prague and Berlin. The rest of the summer would be punctuated by two bike trips I was planning to take. I would ride my bicycle from Cleveland to Cincinnati and then along the Erie Canal from Buffalo to Albany. And of course, the piece de-resistance – the most important, the single most important event of the summer by far – was that at the end of August we would celebrate our daughter’s wedding.

Well, the wedding was unbelievable – beautiful, joyful, the happiest day of my life. I still pinch myself. It’s hard to believe that it was real; and for that I will forever be grateful to God. It was a weekend filled with absolute magic.

But the rest of the summer? Well by now you all know about my car accident in May – yes, for the record: car, not bike! Despite my repeated attempts to force myself back into the world, my injuries were severe enough that I was basically out of commission the whole summer. Two weeks before the wedding I was still unsure I would be able to enjoy my daughter’s big day. Even now, though I have returned fully to work, a number of problems related to the injury persist. I won’t be riding my bike any time soon.

So, this summer did not turn out in the way I had planned for and expected. The truth is, that’s how life is for most of us.

As the Yiddish proverb says, “A man plans and God laughs.” Except it’s not always funny. Many times, when our life goes “off script” we find ourselves confronted with tremendous, even overwhelming adversity.

For Sheryl Sandberg, the C.O.O. of Facebook, life went “off script” when she found her husband lying dead of a heart attack on the floor of a gym at the resort where they were vacationing in Mexico. In her book, Option B, she tells the story of how, weeks later, she and a friend, Phil were planning a father-child activity. They came up with a plan for someone to fill in for her husband, Dave. She cried to her friend, “But I want Dave.” Phil put his arm around her and said, “Option A is not available. So, let’s kick the ‘heck’ out of Option B.”

That statement pretty much sums up life’s challenges. For better and for worse, few of us live a life that is always Option A. We live a life that is always some form of option B.

Raise your hand if your life is turning out exactly the way you thought it would, if your life followed the trajectory that you expected and there have been no surprises, pleasant or unpleasant along the way…. Go ahead…. You see, no one goes untouched.

There is an expression in the Talmud, the rabbis said: Tzarot rabim chatzi nechama – “the troubles of the many are a half-comfort.” It helps to at least know that we are not alone.

If our lives sailed along as we planned and envisioned them, we would have no need for these holidays with their soul-searching and introspection, their pleas for forgiveness, for blessing and life. We would not sing through our tears as we chant the Unetaneh Tokef prayer: “On Rosh Hashanah it is written and on Yom Kippur it is sealed: Who shall live and who shall die, who shall wander and who shall be at peace, who shall wax rich and who shall be impoverished, who shall be exalted and who shall be brought low?” No… in place of the Unetaneh Tokef prayer – if our lives were Option A – we would come, offer a prayer of thanksgiving, have some apples and honey and call it a day.

We are here because too often life throws at us challenges that come from nowhere and seem utterly insurmountable. It might be a sudden injury that brings our lives to a grinding halt. Or the shattering of a relationship around which our world was built. Or the loss of a job leaving us unsure how to meet our needs and the needs of those we love. It might be suddenly confronting serious debilitating, degenerative or God forbid terminal illness. It might be our grief over the death of a loved one, especially when that death comes unexpected and too soon, most especially if it is the loss of a child. And this year, in this congregation, as I look out at all of you, I know that we have seen far too many storms.

Like the Hurricanes which brought such devastation to Texas, Florida and the Caribbean, these events sweep in with a force that cannot be deterred and utterly change the landscape of our lives. Sooner or later it happens to all of us, sometimes repeatedly, sometimes coming as many storms at once. And after the storm, we are never the same.

In her book, Sheryl Sandberg uses her experience to guide us through the challenges of accepting Option B and learning how to confront and move beyond adversity and rebuild our lives. In doing so, she turns to the writings of the founder of positive psychology, Martin Seligman. Dr. Seligman underscores what he sees as three impediments to our ability to recover from adversity and go on. He calls these three impediments the Three P’s: Personalization, Pervasiveness and Permanence. Learning how to avoid these three Ps would take us a long way toward nurturing the resilience that we need to overcome the challenges in or lives.

Personalization is the belief that we are at fault. When something goes wrong in our lives there is a great tendency to want to blame ourselves. Sheryl tortured herself with the illusion that she had been responsible for her husband’s death. If only she had gotten to the gym in time she could have saved him. If only she had realized that he had heart disease, she could have saved him. That guilt in turn spilled over into her apologizing for everything in her life: to her mother, who put her life on hold to stay with her, to her friends who dropped everything to come to the funeral, to her clients for missing appointments, to her colleagues for losing focus. It took her a long time to understand that if the doctors didn’t know that her husband was going to have a heart attack, how could she? Her psychologist made her ban the words “I’m sorry” from her vocabulary.

Now you may be thinking, “Rabbi, isn’t that what these High Holidays are all about? Aren’t I supposed to feel guilt for the things that I’ve done wrong? Shouldn’t I apologize to those people that I’ve hurt? In fact, isn’t the whole point of the Unetaneh Tokef prayer to move us to teshuvah, to repentance?”

And the answer is yes… yes, of course it is. This is the season of teshuvah. And teshuvah is fundamentally about recognizing where we have fallen down, what we have done wrong, who we have hurt; and seeking to change. That is the prime goal we engage in at this time of year.

But sometimes when we are hurting, we can confuse what we have done wrong with the hurt that we are feeling. There is a difference between apologizing for that which is within our power and feeling guilty for that which is beyond our control. Let me say that again: There is a difference between apologizing for that which is within our power and feeling guilty for that which is beyond our control.

That’s why over and over again during these holidays we will ask God for two things: selichah and mechilah. Those two words are repeated over and over again in the High Holiday liturgy.

Selichah means forgiveness. God should forgive us for the things that we have done wrong, for the people that we have hurt, for the ways in which we have turned away from God’s commandments, for our failures of morality and ethics. Selichah is forgiveness for our sins.

Mechilah is often translated into English in our prayerbooks as “pardon;” but that’s not really an accurate translation of the word. To be “moichel” somebody – maybe some of you recognize that word if I say it in the Yiddish. It’s the same word – to be “moichel” somebody means to relieve them of responsibility. Somebody has an obligation to me and I say “I moichel you” – “you don’t have to do that.”

Selichah is God forgiving us for what we did wrong. Mechilah to be “moicheled” is God releasing us of the burden of those things for which we are not responsible. God is saying to us: “Let go of that! You did not control that. Don’t let that weigh you down.” God forgives us for those things too because sometimes we have to learn to forgive ourselves, to let go and to be able move on. We have to be able to move past personalization.

The second P, pervasiveness, is the belief that an event will affect every aspect of our lives. It is the belief that if we are suffering or grieving or struggling over one thing in our lives, then we must suffer, grieve or struggle in every other part of our life as well. Everywhere we look we see pain and sorrow. And should we feel momentarily happy, we beat ourselves up and feel guilty about it.

In her book, Sheryl Sandberg writes: “As I blamed myself less, I started to notice that not everything was terrible. My son and daughter were sleeping through the night, crying less and playing more. We had access to grief counselors and therapists, I could afford childcare and support at home. I had loving friends and colleagues.” Being able to feel success, joy, love and peace in other aspects of our lives allows us to access our spiritual reserves, to find the strength to go on.

This is what our sages called “hakarat ha-tov” -- recognizing and acknowledging the good in our lives, taking stock of our blessings and expressing gratitude. That may seem obvious to you or, if you are hurting right now, it may seem incredibly hard. But our tradition is clear that as Jews we are bidden to find sources of joy in our lives even in our times of sorrow, and to find good that we are thankful for even when we are struggling.

When someone passes away, we observe the rites of mourning. During shiva, for seven days, we don’t leave our homes. We wear the torn garment. We engage in all the mourning practices. Except for one day of that seven. Which day is that? Shabbat. Shabbat overrides the mourning. The rabbis teach that Shabbat counts as one of the seven but we don’t observe it as one of the seven. We are not allowed to mourn or grieve on Shabbat. Why not? Because on that day we have an obligation to express our gratitude to God for the gift of creation, of peoplehood, of Torah. We have an obligation to be with community and feel appreciation for the other lives that touch us, support us and uplift us. Hakarat ha-tov: Even in our deepest pain, we have to recognize the good.

So many good things happen in our lives every day, small and large, that we too often take for granted. The very fact that we are alive and breathing, that we have family, friends and community. The beauty of our natural world. It can be as simple as, for me, the small miracle of the invention of silicone ear plugs that enabled me to dance at and enjoy my daughter’s wedding despite the loud volume of the band! For others, maybe it’s the miracle of cochlear implants, or of a walker that allows you to be more active and get around and not be tied down, or recovery from a recent illness, or getting a job, making a friend, or finding love. Maybe it’s just a beautiful day, or having just a little less pain today than yesterday. There are so many good things that happen in our lives at every moment. Far more than the dark moments we face. And when we can recognize and acknowledge them, when we can tackle the pervasiveness, we are on the road to healing.

The third impediment to our recovery -- the third P, permanence -- is the belief that the aftershocks of the event will last forever: that because one relationship ended we will never find a new partner, because we failed once we will always fail, that because we are grieving a loss we will never again feel joy. Sandberg shares that “For months, no matter what I did, I felt like the debilitating anguish would always be there. Most of the people I knew who had lived through tragedy said that over time the sadness subsides… I didn’t believe them.” She goes on to say, “When my children cried, I would flash forward to their entire lives without a father. Dave wasn’t just going to miss a soccer game, but all the soccer games. All the debate tournaments. All the holidays. All the graduations. He would not walk our daughter down the aisle at her wedding.”

Here’s the thing: it’s all true. Her husband would not be at any of those events. But what is not true is that all those events would therefore completely void of any joy, that she would feel the same grief then that she felt at the time of his passing. The human soul is hard-wired for optimism and hope. Give us a cloud and sooner or later we will find a silver lining. In fact, Sheryl Sandberg brings studies in her book that show that we all tend to overestimate how much negative events will affect us.

In one study, some students were asked to imagine their current romantic relationship ending and predict how unhappy they would be two months later. Other students were asked to report their unhappiness two months after an actual break-up. Guess what? Those who experienced a real split were far happier than expected. In other studies assistant professors thought being denied university tenure would leave them despondent for the next five years. College students predicted they would be miserable if they got stuck in an undesirable dorm. Both turn out to not be true. The bottom line is we are very bad, and overly pessimistic, in predicting our future emotional state.

How do you combat that feeling of permanence? By banishing words like “never” and “always.” Instead of saying “I will always be struggling,” say to yourself “today I am struggling.” Instead of saying “I will never again know joy,” try saying “sometimes I can’t feel joy.” Live in the moment; and if the moment is sad, or difficult, or frustrating that’s okay. But you own that moment, don’t let that moment own you. Don’t let the moment define you. Remember that what you feel today does not determine what you will feel tomorrow. Leave yourself open to the possibility of feeling joy and joy will find you.

At the end of her book, Sheryl Sandberg writes: “But just as grief crashes into us like a wave, it also rolls back like the tide. We are left not just standing, but in some ways stronger.”

The challenges and storms in our lives don’t need to be personal, pervasive or permanent; but resilience can be. We can build it and carry it with us throughout our lives. We can recognize when to let go of guilt. We can learn again to feel gratitude. We can rise above our grief and allow ourselves to rediscover love and joy. For all those who suffered the effects of Irma, Harvey and Maria, and for each of us facing storms in our personal lives, may the coming year be a year of resilience, a year of rebuilding, a year of hope and healing and blessing.

[giveuselife-blog]

Should Your Child Watch TV News? Surprising Opinions of Top Anchors

New Post has been published on https://giveuselife.org/should-your-child-watch-tv-news-surprising-opinions-of-top-anchors/

Should Your Child Watch TV News? Surprising Opinions of Top Anchors

KIDS AND THE NEWS

More than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes traumatizing, news events on TV. It seems that violent crime and bad news is unabating. Foreign wars, natural disasters, terrorism, murders, incidents of child abuse, and medical epidemics flood our newscasts daily. Not to mention the grim wave of recent school shootings.

All of this intrudes on the innocent world of children. If, as psychologists say, kids are like sponges and absorb everything that goes on around them, how profoundly does watching TV news actually affect them? How careful do parents need to be in monitoring the flow of news into the home, and how can they find an approach that works?

To answer these questions, we turned to a panel of seasoned anchors, Peter Jennings, Maria Shriver, Linda Ellerbee, and Jane Pauley–each having faced the complexities of raising their own vulnerable children in a news-saturated world.

Picture this: 6:30 p.m. After an exhausting day at the office, Mom is busy making front of dinner. She parks her 9-year-old daughter and 5-year-oldfront of the TV.”Play Nintendo until dinner’s ready,” she instructs the little ones, who, instead, start flipping channels.

Tom Brokaw on “NBC News Tonight,” announces that an Atlanta gunman has killed his wife, daughter, nd son, all three with a hammer, before going on a shooting rampage that leaves nine dead.

On “World News Tonight,” Peter Jennings reports that a jumbo jetliner with more than 300 passengers crashed in a spinning metal fireball at a Hong Kong airport.

On CNN, there’s a report about the earthquake in Turkey, with 2,000 people killed.

On the Discovery channel, there’s a timely special on hurricanes and the terror they create in children. Hurricane Dennis has already struck, Floyd is coming.

Finally, they see a local news report about a roller coaster accident at a New Jersey amusement park that kills a mother and her eight-year-old daughter.

Nintendo was never this riveting.

“Dinner’s ready!” shouts Mom, unaware that her children may be terrified by this menacing potpourri of TV news.

What’s wrong with this picture?

“There’s a LOT wrong with it, but it’s not that easily fixable,” notes Linda Ellerbee, the creator, and host of “Nick News,” the award-winning news program geared for kids ages 8-13, airing on Nickelodeon.

“Watching blood and gore on TV is NOT good for kids and it doesn’t do much to enhance the lives of adults either,” says the anchor, who strives to inform children about world events without terrorizing them. “We’re into stretching kids’ brains and there’s nothing we wouldn’t cover,” including recent programs on euthanasia, the Kosovo crisis, prayer in schools, book- banning, the death penalty, and Sudan slaves.

But Ellerbee emphasizes the necessity of parental supervision, shielding children from unfounded fears. “During the Oklahoma City bombing, there were terrible images of children being hurt and killed,” Ellerbee recalls. “Kids wanted to know if they were safe in their beds. In studies conducted by Nickelodeon, we found out that kids find the news the most frightening thing on TV.

“Whether it’s the Gulf War, the Clinton scandal, a downed jetliner, or what happened in Littleton, you have to reassure your children, over and over again, that they’re going to be OK–that the reason this story is news is that IT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. News is the exception…nobody goes on the air happily and reports how many planes landed safely!

“My job is to put the information into an age-appropriate context and lower anxieties. Then it’s really up to the parents to monitor what their kids watch and discuss it with them”

Yet a new study of the role of media in the lives of children conducted by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation reveals that 95% of the nation’s children ages 8-18 are watching TV without their parents present.

How does Ellerbee view the typical scenario of the harried mother above?

“Mom’s taking a beating here. Where’s Dad?” Ellerbee asks.Perhaps at work, or living separately from Mom, or absent altogether.

“Right. Most Moms and Dads are working as hard as they can because we live in a society where one income just doesn’t cut it anymore,”

NBC News correspondent Maria Shriver, the mother of four–Katherine, 13, Christina, 12, Patrick, 10, and Christopher, 6–agrees with Ellerbee: “But Moms aren’t using the TV as a babysitter because they’re out getting manicures!” says the 48-year-old anchor.

“Those mothers are struggling to make ends meet and they do it because they need help. I don’t think kids would be watching [as much TV] if their parents were home organizing a touch football game.

“When I need the TV as a babysitter,” says Shriver, who leaves detailed TV- viewing instructions behind when traveling, “I put on a safe video. I don’t mind that my kids have watched “Pretty Woman” or “My Best Friend’s Wedding” 3,000 times. I’d be more fearful if they watched an hour of local news.That would scare them. They might feel: ‘Oh, my God, is somebody going to come in and shoot me in my bedroom?'”

In a move to supervise her own children more closely since her husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger became Governor, Shriver scaled back her workload as Contributing Anchor to Dateline NBC and set up her office at home: “You can never be vigilant enough with your kids,” she says, “because watching violence on TV clearly has a huge impact on children–whether it’s TV news, movies, or cartoons.”

This view is shared by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, which states: “TV is a powerful influence in developing value systems and shaping behavior…studies find that children may become immune to the horror of violence; gradually accept violence as a way to solve problems; and resort to anti-social and aggressive behavior, imitating the violence they observe.”

Although there are no rules about watching TV in 49% of the nation’s households, TV-watching at the Schwarzenegger home is almost totally verboten:

“We have a blanket rule that my kids do not watch any TV at all during the week,” she notes, “and having a TV in their bedrooms has never been an option. I have enough trouble getting them to do their homework!” she states with a laugh. “Plus the half hour of reading they have to do every night.

According to the Kaiser survey, Shriver’s household is a glaring exception to the rule. “Many kids have their own TV’s, VCR’s and video games in their bedroom,” the study notes. Moreover, children ages 8-18 actually spend an average of three hours and 16 minutes watching TV daily; only 44 minutes reading; 31 minutes using the computer; 27 minutes playing video games; and a mere 13 minutes using the Internet.

“My kids,” Shriver explains, “get home at 4 p.m., have a 20-minute break, then go right into homework or after-school sports. Then, I’m a big believer in having family dinner time. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting at the dinner table and listening to my parents, four brothers, and my grandmother, Rose. We didn’t watch the news.

“After dinner nowadays, we play a game, then my kids are in bed, reading their books. There’s no time in that day for any TV, except on weekends, when they’re allowed to watch a Disney video, Sesame Street, Barney, The Brady Bunch, or Pokemon.”

Beyond safe entertainment, Shriver has eliminated entirely the option of her children watching news events unfolding live on TV: “My kids,” she notes, “do not watch any TV news, other than Nick News,” instead providing her children with Time for Kids, [Teen Newsweek is also available], Highlights, and newspaper clippings discussed over dinner.

“No subject should be off-limits,” Shriver concludes, “but you must filter the news to your kids.”

ABC’s Peter Jennings, who reigns over “World News Tonight,” the nation’s most-watched evening newscast emphatically disagrees with a censored approach to news-watching: “I have two kids–Elizabeth is now 24 and Christopher is 21– and they were allowed to watch as much TV news and information anytime they wanted,” says the anchor. A firm believer in kids understanding the world around them, he adapted his bestselling book, The Century, for children ages 10 and older in The Century for Young People.

No downside to kids watching the news? “I don’t know of any downside and I’ve thought about it many times. I used to worry about my kids’ exposure to violence and overt sex in the movies. Like most parents, I found that although they were exposed to violence sooner than I would have liked, I don’t feel they’ve been affected by it. The jury’s still out on the sex.

“I have exposed my kids to the violence of the world–to the bestiality of man–from the very beginning, at age 6 or 7. I didn’t try to hide it. I never worried about putting a curtain between them and reality, because I never felt my children would be damaged by being exposed to violence IF they understood the context in which it occurred. I would talk to my kids about the vulnerability of children in wartime–the fact that they are innocent pawns– and about what we could do as a family to make the world a more peaceful place.

Jennings firmly believes that coddling children is a mistake: “I’ve never talked down to my children, or to children period. I always talk UP to them and my newscast is appropriate for children of any age.”

Yet the 65-year-old anchor often gets letters from irate parents: “They’ll say: ‘How dare you to put that on at 6:30 when my children are watching?’ My answer is: ‘Madam, that’s not my problem. That’s YOUR problem. It’s absolutely up to the parent to monitor the flow of news into the home.”

Part of directing this flow is turning it off altogether at meal-time, says Jennings, who believes family dinners are sacrosanct. He is appalled that the TV is turned on during meals in 58% of the nation’s households, this according to the Kaiser study.

“Watching TV during dinner is unforgivable,” he exclaims, explaining that he always insisted that his family wait until he arrived home from anchoring the news. “You’re darn right they waited…even when my kids were tiny, they never ate until 7:30 or 8 pm. Then we would sit with no music, no TV. Why waste such a golden opportunity? Watching TV at mealtime robs the family of the essence of the dinner, which is communion and exchange of ideas. I mean, God, if the dinner table is anything, it’s a place to learn manners and appreciation for two of the greatest things in life–food and drink.”

Jennings is likewise unequivocal in his view of junk TV and believes parking kids at the tube creates dull minds: “I think using TV as a babysitter is a terrible idea because the damn television is very narcotic, drug-like. Mindless TV makes for passive human beings–and it’s a distraction from homework!

“My two children were allowed to watch only a half an hour of entertainment TV per night–and they never had TV’s in their bedrooms.It’s a conscious choice I made as a parent not to tempt them…too seductive…”

Adds Ellerbee: “TV is seductive and is meant to be. The hard, clear fact is that when kids are watching TV, they’re not doing anything else!”

Indeed, according to the National Institute on Out-of-School Time and the Office of Research Education Consumer Guide, TV plays a bigger role in children’s lives now than ever before. Kids watch TV an average of14 to 22 hours per week, which accounts for at least 25 percent of their free time.

“Dateline NBC” Anchor Jane Pauley, intensely private, declined an interview to discuss how she and her husband, cartoonist Garry Trudeau (“Doonesbury”) handle TV-watching with their three teens, two of whom are fraternal twins. But in a written response, she agreed that kids need to be better protected from the onslaught of violence: “I was a visitor at a public elementary school not long ago, and was invited to peek in on a fourth-grade class on ‘current events.’ The assignment had been to watch the news and write about one of the stories. Two kids picked the fatal attack on a child by a pit bull and the other wrote about a child who’d hanged herself with a belt! They’d all watched the worst blood and gore ‘News at 11’ station in town. The teacher gave no hint that she was as appalled as I was. My response was to help the school get subscriptions to “Time for Kids” and “My Weekly Reader.” People need to be better news consumers. And tabloid TV is very unhealthy for kids.”

On this point, Ellerbee readily agrees:”I really do believe the first amendment STOPS at your front door. You are the boss at home and parents have every right to monitor what their kids watch. What’s even better is watching with them and initiating conversations about what they see.If your child is watching something terribly violent, sit down and DEFUSE it. Talking makes the ghosts run…and kids can break through their scared feelings.”

Adds Pauly:

“Kids,” she maintains, “know about bad news–they’re the ones trying to spare us the bad news sometimes. But kids should be able to see that their parents are both human enough to be deeply affected by a tragedy like Columbine, but also sturdy enough to get through it…and on with life. That is the underpinning of their security.”

“I’m no expert on the nation’s children,” adds Jennings, ” but I’d have to say no, it wasn’t traumatic. Troubling, shocking, even devastating to some, confusing to others, but traumatizing in that great sense, no.

“Would I explain to my kids that there are young, upset, angry, depressed kids in the world? Yes. I hear the most horrendous stories about what’s going on in high schools from my kids. And because of the shootings, parents are now on edge–pressuring educators to ‘do something.’ They have to be reminded that the vast majority of all schools in America are overwhelmingly safe,” a fact borne out by The National School Safety Center, which reports that in l998 there were just 25 violent deaths in schools compared to an average of 50 in the early 90’s.

Ellerbee adds that a parent’s ability to listen is more important than lobbying school principals for more metal detectors and armed guards: “If there was ever a case where grown-ups weren’t listening to kids, it was Littleton. First, don’t interrupt your child…let them get the whole thought out. Next, if you sit silently for a couple of seconds after they’re finished, they’ll start talking again, getting to the second level of honesty. Third, try, to be honest with your kid. To very small children, it’s proper to say: ‘This is never going to happen to you…’ But you don’t say that to a 10-year-old.”

Moreover, Ellerbee believes that media literacy begins the day parents stop pretending that if you ignore TV, it will go away. “Let your kid know from the very beginning that he or she is SMARTER than TV: ‘I am in control of this box, it is not in control of me. I will use this box as a useful, powerful TOOL, but will not be used by it.’ Kids know the difference.

“Watching TV,” Ellerbee maintains, “can make kids more civilized. I grew up in the south of Texas in a family of bigoted people. Watching TV made me question my own family’s beliefs in the natural inferiority of people of color. For me, TV was a real window that broadened my world.”

Ironically, for Shriver, watching TV news is incredibly painful when the broadcast is about you. Being a Kennedy, Shriver has lived a lifetime in the glare of rumors and televised speculation about her own family. Presenting the news to her children has therefore included explaining the tragedies and controversies the Kennedys have endured. She was just eight years old when her uncle, President John F. Kennedy, was assassinated: “I grew up in a very big shadow…and I couldn’t avoid it,” she admits. “It wasn’t a choker, but it was a big responsibility that I don’t want my own children to feel.” Yet doesn’t her 15- year marriage to megastar Schwarzenegger add yet another layer of public curiosity close to home? “My kids are not watching Entertainment Tonight–no, no, never! And I don’t bring them to movie openings or Planet Hollywood. I think it’s fine for them to be proud of their father, but not show off about him.”

How does she emotionally handle news when her family’s in it? “That’s a line I’ve been walking since my own childhood, and it’s certainly affected the kind of reporter I’ve become. It’s made me less aggressive. I’m not [in the news business] to glorify myself at someone else’s expense, but rather to report a story without destroying someone in the process. A producer might say: ‘Call this person who’s in a disastrous situation and book them the right way.’ And I’m like: ‘Ahhhh. I can’t even bring myself to do it,’ because I’ve been on the other side and know the family is in such pain.”

A few years ago, of course, the Kennedys experienced profound pain, yet again, when Shriver’s beloved cousin, John F. Kennedy, Jr., was killed in a plane crash, with his wife, Carolyn, and sister-in-law, Lauren Bessette. A blizzard of news coverage ensued, unremitting for weeks. “I didn’t watch any of it…I was busy, ” Shriver says quietly. “And my children didn’t watch any of it either.”

Shriver was, however, somewhat prepared to discuss the tragedy with her children. She is the author of the best-selling “What’s Heaven?” [Golden Books], a book geared for children ages 4-8, which explains death and the loss of a loved one. “My children knew John well because he spent Christmases with us. I explained what happened to John as the news unfolded…walked them through it as best I could. I reminded them that Mommy wrote the book and said: ‘We’re not going to see John anymore. He has gone to God…to heaven…and we have to pray for him and for his sister [Caroline] and her children.”

Like Shriver, Jennings is personally uncomfortable in the role of covering private tragedies in a public forum: “In my shop, I’m regarded as one of those people who drags their feet a lot at the notion of covering those things,” he explains. “During the O.J. Simpson trial, I decided not to go crazy in our coverage–and we took quite a smack and dropped from first to second in the ratings. TV is a business, so when a real corker of a story like Princess Diana’s death comes along, we cover it. I think we’re afraid not to do it. We’re guilty of overkill, and with Diana, we ended up celebrating something that was largely ephemeral, making Diana more than she was. But audiences leap up!

“I was totally opposed to covering John F. Kennedy, Jr.’s funeral because I saw no need to do it. He wasn’t a public figure, though others would say I was wrong. On-air, I said: ‘I don’t think the young Mr. Kennedy would approve of all this excess…’ But we did three hours on the funeral and it turned out to be a wonderfully long history lesson about American politics and the Kennedy dynasty’s place in our national life.

“Sometimes,” Jennings muses, “TV is like a chapel in which we, as a nation, can gather to have a communal experience of loss.We did it with the Challenger, more recently with JFK Jr.’s death and we will do it shortly, I suspect, though I hope not, with Ronald Reagan. It’s not much different than what people did when they went West in covered wagons in the last century. When tragedy struck, they gathered the wagons around, lit the fire, and talked about their losses of the day. And then went on. Television can be very comforting.”

In closing, Ellerbee contends that you can’t blame TV news producers for the human appetite for sensational news coverage that often drags on for days at a time:

“As a reporter,” she muses, “I have never been to a war, traffic accident, or murder site that didn’t draw a crowd. There is a little trash in all of us. But the same people who stop to gawk at a traffic accident may also climb down a well to save a child’s life, or cry at a sunset, or grin and tap their feet when the parade goes by.

“We are NOT just one thing. Kids can understand these grays…just as there’s more than one answer to a question, there is certainly more than one part to you!”

Bestselling author GLENN PASKIN is one of the nation’s leading psychology reporters and celebrity interviewers. His specialty today is interviewing the nation’s top experts in spirituality, motivation, happiness, and self- improvement. A contributing editor at FAMILY CIRCLE, the world’ s largest women’s magazine, he is available for TV, radio, and print interviews.

[baburaja97-blog]

New Post has been published on Vin Zite

New Post has been published on https://vinzite.com/should-your-child-watch-tv-news/

Should Your Child Watch TV News?

More than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes traumatizing, news events on TV. It seems that violent crime and bad news is unabating. Foreign wars, natural disasters, terrorism, murders, incidents of child abuse, and medical epidemics flood our newscasts daily. Not to mention the grim wave of recent school shootings.

All of this intrudes on the innocent world of children. If, as psychologists say, kids are like sponges and absorb everything that goes on around them, how profoundly does watching TV news actually affect them? How careful do parents need to be in monitoring the flow of news into the home, and how can they find an approach that works?

To answer these questions, we turned to a panel of seasoned anchors, Peter Jennings, Maria Shriver, Linda Ellerbee, and Jane Pauley–each having faced the complexities of raising their own vulnerable children in a news-saturated world.

Picture this: 6:30 p.m. After an exhausting day at the office, Mom is busy making dinner. She parks her 9-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son in front of the TV.

“Play Nintendo until dinner’s ready,” she instructs the little ones, who, instead, start flipping channels.

Tom Brokaw on “NBC News Tonight,” announces that an Atlanta gunman has killed his wife, daughter and son, all three with a hammer, before going on a shooting rampage that leaves nine dead.

On “World News Tonight,” Peter Jennings reports that a jumbo jetliner with more than 300 passengers crashed in a spinning metal fireball at a Hong Kong airport.

On CNN, there’s a report about the earthquake in Turkey, with 2,000 people killed.

On the Discovery channel, there’s a timely special on hurricanes and the terror they create in children. Hurricane Dennis has already struck, Floyd is coming.

Finally, they see a local news report about a roller coaster accident at a New Jersey amusement park that kills a mother and her eight-year-old daughter.

Nintendo was never this riveting.

“Dinner’s ready!” shouts Mom, unaware that her children may be terrified by this menacing potpourri of TV news.

What’s wrong with this picture?

“There’s a LOT wrong with it, but it’s not that easily fixable,” notes Linda Ellerbee, the creator and host of “Nick News,” the award-winning news program geared for kids ages 8-13, airing on Nickelodeon.

“Watching blood and gore on TV is NOT good for kids and it doesn’t do much to enhance the lives of adults either,” says the anchor, who strives to inform children about world events without terrorizing them. “We’re into stretching kids’ brains and there’s nothing we wouldn’t cover,” including recent programs on euthanasia, the Kosovo crisis, prayer in schools, book- banning, the death penalty, and Sudan slaves.

But Ellerbee emphasizes the necessity of parental supervision, shielding children from unfounded fears. “During the Oklahoma City bombing, there were terrible images of children being hurt and killed,” Ellerbee recalls. “Kids wanted to know if they were safe in their beds. In studies conducted by Nickelodeon, we found out that kids find the news the most frightening thing on TV.

“Whether it’s the Gulf War, the Clinton scandal, a downed jetliner, or what happened in Littleton, you have to reassure your children, over and over again, that they’re going to be OK–that the reason this story is news is that IT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. News is the exception…nobody goes on the air happily and reports how many planes landed safely!

“My job is to put the information into an age-appropriate context and lower anxieties. Then it’s really up to the parents to monitor what their kids watch and discuss it with them”

Yet a new study of the role of media in the lives of children conducted by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation reveals that 95% of the nation’s children ages 8-18 are watching TV without their parents present.

How does Ellerbee view the typical scenario of the harried mother above?

“Mom’s taking a beating here. Where’s Dad?” Ellerbee asks.Perhaps at work, or living separately from Mom, or absent altogether.

“Right. Most Moms and Dads are working as hard as they can because we live in a society where one income just doesn’t cut it anymore,”

NBC News correspondent Maria Shriver, the mother of four–Katherine, 13, Christina, 12, Patrick, 10, and Christopher, 6–agrees with Ellerbee: “But Moms aren’t using the TV as a babysitter because they’re out getting manicures!” says the 48-year-old anchor.

“Those mothers are struggling to make ends meet and they do it because they need help. I don’t think kids would be watching [as much TV] if their parents were home organizing a touch football game.

“When I need the TV as a babysitter,” says Shriver, who leaves detailed TV- viewing instructions behind when traveling, “I put on a safe video. I don’t mind that my kids have watched “Pretty Woman” or “My Best Friend’s Wedding” 3,000 times. I’d be more fearful if they watched an hour of local news.That would scare them. They might feel: ‘Oh, my God, is somebody going to come in and shoot me in my bedroom?'”

In a move to supervise her own children more closely since her husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger, became Governor, Shriver scaled back her workload as Contributing Anchor to Dateline NBC and set up her office at home: “You can never be vigilant enough with your kids,” she says, “because watching violence on TV clearly has a huge impact on children–whether it’s TV news, movies, or cartoons.”

This view is shared by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, which states: “”TV is a powerful influence in developing value systems and shaping behavior…studies find that children may become immune to the horror of violence; gradually accept violence as a way to solve problems; and resort to anti-social and aggressive behavior, imitating the violence they observe.”

Although there are no rules about watching TV in 49% of the nation’s households, TV-watching at the Schwarzenegger home is almost totally verboten:

“We have a blanket rule that my kids do not watch any TV at all during the week,” she notes, “and having a TV in their bedrooms has never been an option. I have enough trouble getting them to do their homework!” she states with a laugh. “Plus the half hour of reading they have to do every night.

According to the Kaiser survey, Shriver’s household is a glaring exception to the rule. “Many kids have their own TV’s, VCR’s and video games in their bedroom,” the study notes. Moreover, children ages 8-18 actually spend an average of three hours and 16 minutes watching TV daily; only 44 minutes reading; 31 minutes using the computer; 27 minutes playing video games; and a mere 13 minutes using the Internet.

“My kids,” Shriver explains, “get home at 4 p.m., have a 20-minute break, then go right into homework or after-school sports. Then, I’m a big believer in having family dinner time. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting at the dinner table and listening to my parents, four brothers, and my grandmother, Rose. We didn’t watch the news.

“After dinner nowadays, we play a game, then my kids are in bed, reading their books. There’s no time in that day for any TV, except on weekends, when they’re allowed to watch a Disney video, Sesame Street, Barney, The Brady Bunch, or Pokemon.”

Beyond safe entertainment, Shriver has eliminated entirely the option of her children watching news events unfolding live on TV: “My kids,” she notes, “do not watch any TV news, other than Nick News,” instead providing her children with Time for Kids, [Teen Newsweek is also available], Highlights, and newspaper clippings discussed over dinner.

“No subject should be off-limits,” Shriver concludes, “but you must filter the news to your kids.”

ABC’s Peter Jennings, who reigns over “World News Tonight,” the nation’s most-watched evening newscast, emphatically disagrees with a censored approach to news-watching: “I have two kids–Elizabeth is now 24 and Christopher is 21– and they were allowed to watch as much TV news and information anytime they wanted,” says the anchor. A firm believer in kids understanding the world around them, he adapted his bestselling book, The Century, for children ages 10 and older in The Century for Young People.

No downside to kids watching news? “I don’t know of any downside and I’ve thought about it many times. I used to worry about my kids’ exposure to violence and overt sex in the movies. Like most parents, I found that although they were exposed to violence sooner than I would have liked, I don’t feel they’ve been affected by it. The jury’s still out on the sex.

“I have exposed my kids to the violence of the world–to the bestiality of man–from the very beginning, at age 6 or 7. I didn’t try to hide it. I never worried about putting a curtain between them and reality, because I never felt my children would be damaged by being exposed to violence IF they understood the context in which it occurred. I would talk to my kids about the vulnerability of children in wartime–the fact that they are innocent pawns– and about what we could do as a family to make the world a more peaceful place.

Jennings firmly believes that coddling children is a mistake: “I’ve never talked down to my children, or to children period. I always talk UP to them and my newscast is appropriate for children of any age.”

Yet the 65-year-old anchor often gets letters from irate parents: “They’ll say: ‘How dare you put that on at 6:30 when my children are watching?’ My answer is: ‘Madam, that’s not my problem. That’s YOUR problem. It’s absolutely up to the parent to monitor the flow of news into the home.”

Part of directing this flow is turning it off altogether at meal-time, says Jennings, who believes family dinners are sacrosanct. He is appalled that the TV is turned on during meals in 58% of the nation’s households, this according to the Kaiser study.

“Watching TV during dinner is unforgivable,” he exclaims, explaining that he always insisted that his family wait until he arrived home from anchoring the news. “You’re darn right they waited…even when my kids were tiny, they never ate until 7:30 or 8 pm. Then we would sit with no music, no TV. Why waste such a golden opportunity? Watching TV at mealtime robs the family of the essence of the dinner, which is communion and exchange of ideas. I mean, God, if the dinner table is anything, it’s a place to learn manners and appreciation for two of the greatest things in life–food and drink.”

Jennings is likewise unequivocal in his view of junk TV and believes parking kids at the tube creates dull minds: “I think using TV as a babysitter is a terrible idea because the damn television is very narcotic, drug-like. Mindless TV makes for passive human beings–and it’s a distraction from homework!

“My two children were allowed to watch only a half an hour of entertainment TV per night–and they never had TV’s in their bedrooms.It’s a conscious choice I made as a parent not to tempt them…too seductive…”

Adds Ellerbee: “TV is seductive and is meant to be. The hard, clear fact is that when kids are watching TV, they’re not doing anything else!”

Indeed, according to the National Institute on Out-of-School Time and the Office of Research Education Consumer Guide, TV plays a bigger role in children’s lives now than ever before. Kids watch TV an average of14 to 22 hours per week, which accounts for at least 25 percent of their free time.

“Dateline NBC” Anchor Jane Pauley, intensely private, declined an interview to discuss how she and her husband, cartoonist Garry Trudeau (“Doonesbury”) handle TV-watching with their three teens, two of whom are fraternal twins. But in a written response, she agreed that kids need to be better protected from the onslaught of violence: “I was a visitor at a public elementary school not long ago, and was invited to peek in on a fourth-grade class on ‘current events.’ The assignment had been to watch the news and write about one of the stories. Two kids picked the fatal attack on a child by a pit bull and the other wrote about a child who’d hanged herself with a belt! They’d all watched the worst blood and gore ‘News at 11’ station in town. The teacher gave no hint that she was as appalled as I was. My response was to help the school get subscriptions to “Time for Kids” and “My Weekly Reader.” People need to be better news consumers. And tabloid TV is very unhealthy for kids.”

On this point, Ellerbee readily agrees:”I really do believe the first amendment STOPS at your front door. You are the boss at home and parents have every right to monitor what their kids watch. What’s even better is watching with them and initiating conversations about what they see.If your child is watching something terribly violent, sit down and DEFUSE it. Talking makes the ghosts run…and kids can break through their scared feelings.”

Adds Pauly:

“Kids,” she maintains, “know about bad news–they’re the ones trying to spare us the bad news sometimes. But kids should be able to see that their parents are both human enough to be deeply affected by a tragedy like Columbine, but also sturdy enough to get through it…and on with life. That is the underpinning of their security.”

“I’m no expert on the nation’s children,” adds Jennings, ” but I’d have to say no, it wasn’t traumatic. Troubling, shocking, even devastating to some, confusing to others, but traumatizing in that great sense, no.

“Would I explain to my kids that there are young, upset, angry, depressed kids in the world? Yes. I hear the most horrendous stories about what’s going on in high schools from my kids. And because of the shootings, parents are now on edge–pressuring educators to ‘do something.’ They have to be reminded that the vast majority of all schools in America are overwhelmingly safe,” a fact borne out by The National School Safety Center, which reports that in l998 there were just 25 violent deaths in schools compared to an average of 50 in the early 90’s.

Ellerbee adds that a parent’s ability to listen is more important than lobbying school principals for more metal detectors and armed guards: “If there was ever a case where grown-ups weren’t listening to kids, it was Littleton. First, don’t interrupt your child…let them get the whole thought out. Next, if you sit silently for a couple of seconds after they’re finished, they’ll start talking again, getting to a second level of honesty. Third, try to be honest with your kid. To very small children, it’s proper to say: ‘This is never going to happen to you…’ But you don’t say that to a 10-year-old.”

[netmaddy-blog]

Should Your Child Watch TV News? Surprising Opinions of Top Anchors

New Post has been published on https://netmaddy.com/should-your-child-watch-tv-news-surprising-opinions-of-top-anchors/

Should Your Child Watch TV News? Surprising Opinions of Top Anchors

More than ever, children witness innumerable, sometimes traumatizing, news events on TV. It seems that violent crime and bad news is unabating. Foreign wars, natural disasters, terrorism, murders, incidents of child abuse, and medical epidemics flood our newscasts daily. Not to mention the grim wave of recent school shootings.

All of this intrudes on the innocent world of children. If, as psychologists say, kids are like sponges and absorb everything that goes on around them, how profoundly does watching TV news actually affect them? How careful do parents need to be in monitoring the flow of news into the home, and how can they find an approach that works?

To answer these questions, we turned to a panel of seasoned anchors, Peter Jennings, Maria Shriver, Linda Ellerbee, and Jane Pauley–each having faced the complexities of raising their own vulnerable children in a news-saturated world.

Picture this: 6:30 p.m. After an exhausting day at the office, Mom is busy making dinner. She parks her 9-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son in front of the TV.

“Play Nintendo until dinner’s ready,” she instructs the little ones, who, instead, start flipping channels.

Tom Brokaw on “NBC News Tonight,” announces that an Atlanta gunman has killed his wife, daughter and son, all three with a hammer, before going on a shooting rampage that leaves nine dead.

On “World News Tonight,” Peter Jennings reports that a jumbo jetliner with more than 300 passengers crashed in a spinning metal fireball at a Hong Kong airport.

On CNN, there’s a report about the earthquake in Turkey, with 2,000 people killed.

On the Discovery channel, there’s a timely special on hurricanes and the terror they create in children. Hurricane Dennis has already struck, Floyd is coming.

Finally, they see a local news report about a roller coaster accident at a New Jersey amusement park that kills a mother and her eight-year-old daughter.

Nintendo was never this riveting.

“Dinner’s ready!” shouts Mom, unaware that her children may be terrified by this menacing potpourri of TV news.

What’s wrong with this picture?

“There’s a LOT wrong with it, but it’s not that easily fixable,” notes Linda Ellerbee, the creator and host of “Nick News,” the award-winning news program geared for kids ages 8-13, airing on Nickelodeon.

“Watching blood and gore on TV is NOT good for kids and it doesn’t do much to enhance the lives of adults either,” says the anchor, who strives to inform children about world events without terrorizing them. “We’re into stretching kids’ brains and there’s nothing we wouldn’t cover,” including recent programs on euthanasia, the Kosovo crisis, prayer in schools, book- banning, the death penalty, and Sudan slaves.

But Ellerbee emphasizes the necessity of parental supervision, shielding children from unfounded fears. “During the Oklahoma City bombing, there were terrible images of children being hurt and killed,” Ellerbee recalls. “Kids wanted to know if they were safe in their beds. In studies conducted by Nickelodeon, we found out that kids find the news the most frightening thing on TV.

“Whether it’s the Gulf War, the Clinton scandal, a downed jetliner, or what happened in Littleton, you have to reassure your children, over and over again, that they’re going to be OK–that the reason this story is news is that IT ALMOST NEVER HAPPENS. News is the exception…nobody goes on the air happily and reports how many planes landed safely!

“My job is to put the information into an age-appropriate context and lower anxieties. Then it’s really up to the parents to monitor what their kids watch and discuss it with them”

Yet a new study of the role of media in the lives of children conducted by the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation reveals that 95% of the nation’s children ages 8-18 are watching TV without their parents present.

How does Ellerbee view the typical scenario of the harried mother above?

“Mom’s taking a beating here. Where’s Dad?” Ellerbee asks.Perhaps at work, or living separately from Mom, or absent altogether.

“Right. Most Moms and Dads are working as hard as they can because we live in a society where one income just doesn’t cut it anymore,”

NBC News correspondent Maria Shriver, the mother of four–Katherine, 13, Christina, 12, Patrick, 10, and Christopher, 6–agrees with Ellerbee: “But Moms aren’t using the TV as a babysitter because they’re out getting manicures!” says the 48-year-old anchor.

“Those mothers are struggling to make ends meet and they do it because they need help. I don’t think kids would be watching [as much TV] if their parents were home organizing a touch football game.

“When I need the TV as a babysitter,” says Shriver, who leaves detailed TV- viewing instructions behind when traveling, “I put on a safe video. I don’t mind that my kids have watched “Pretty Woman” or “My Best Friend’s Wedding” 3,000 times. I’d be more fearful if they watched an hour of local news.That would scare them. They might feel: ‘Oh, my God, is somebody going to come in and shoot me in my bedroom?'”

In a move to supervise her own children more closely since her husband, Arnold Schwarzenegger, became Governor, Shriver scaled back her workload as Contributing Anchor to Dateline NBC and set up her office at home: “You can never be vigilant enough with your kids,” she says, “because watching violence on TV clearly has a huge impact on children–whether it’s TV news, movies, or cartoons.”

This view is shared by the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, which states: “”TV is a powerful influence in developing value systems and shaping behavior…studies find that children may become immune to the horror of violence; gradually accept violence as a way to solve problems; and resort to anti-social and aggressive behavior, imitating the violence they observe.”

Although there are no rules about watching TV in 49% of the nation’s households, TV-watching at the Schwarzenegger home is almost totally verboten:

“We have a blanket rule that my kids do not watch any TV at all during the week,” she notes, “and having a TV in their bedrooms has never been an option. I have enough trouble getting them to do their homework!” she states with a laugh. “Plus the half hour of reading they have to do every night.

According to the Kaiser survey, Shriver’s household is a glaring exception to the rule. “Many kids have their own TV’s, VCR’s and video games in their bedroom,” the study notes. Moreover, children ages 8-18 actually spend an average of three hours and 16 minutes watching TV daily; only 44 minutes reading; 31 minutes using the computer; 27 minutes playing video games; and a mere 13 minutes using the Internet.

“My kids,” Shriver explains, “get home at 4 p.m., have a 20-minute break, then go right into homework or after-school sports. Then, I’m a big believer in having family dinner time. Some of my fondest memories are of sitting at the dinner table and listening to my parents, four brothers, and my grandmother, Rose. We didn’t watch the news.

“After dinner nowadays, we play a game, then my kids are in bed, reading their books. There’s no time in that day for any TV, except on weekends, when they’re allowed to watch a Disney video, Sesame Street, Barney, The Brady Bunch, or Pokemon.”

Beyond safe entertainment, Shriver has eliminated entirely the option of her children watching news events unfolding live on TV: “My kids,” she notes, “do not watch any TV news, other than Nick News,” instead providing her children with Time for Kids, [Teen Newsweek is also available], Highlights, and newspaper clippings discussed over dinner.

“No subject should be off-limits,” Shriver concludes, “but you must filter the news to your kids.”

ABC’s Peter Jennings, who reigns over “World News Tonight,” the nation’s most-watched evening newscast, emphatically disagrees with a censored approach to news-watching: “I have two kids–Elizabeth is now 24 and Christopher is 21– and they were allowed to watch as much TV news and information anytime they wanted,” says the anchor. A firm believer in kids understanding the world around them, he adapted his bestselling book, The Century, for children ages 10 and older in The Century for Young People.

No downside to kids watching news? “I don’t know of any downside and I’ve thought about it many times. I used to worry about my kids’ exposure to violence and overt sex in the movies. Like most parents, I found that although they were exposed to violence sooner than I would have liked, I don’t feel they’ve been affected by it. The jury’s still out on the sex.

“I have exposed my kids to the violence of the world–to the bestiality of man–from the very beginning, at age 6 or 7. I didn’t try to hide it. I never worried about putting a curtain between them and reality, because I never felt my children would be damaged by being exposed to violence IF they understood the context in which it occurred. I would talk to my kids about the vulnerability of children in wartime–the fact that they are innocent pawns– and about what we could do as a family to make the world a more peaceful place.

Jennings firmly believes that coddling children is a mistake: “I’ve never talked down to my children, or to children period. I always talk UP to them and my newscast is appropriate for children of any age.”

Yet the 65-year-old anchor often gets letters from irate parents: “They’ll say: ‘How dare you put that on at 6:30 when my children are watching?’ My answer is: ‘Madam, that’s not my problem. That’s YOUR problem. It’s absolutely up to the parent to monitor the flow of news into the home.”

Part of directing this flow is turning it off altogether at meal-time, says Jennings, who believes family dinners are sacrosanct. He is appalled that the TV is turned on during meals in 58% of the nation’s households, this according to the Kaiser study.

“Watching TV during dinner is unforgivable,” he exclaims, explaining that he always insisted that his family wait until he arrived home from anchoring the news. “You’re darn right they waited…even when my kids were tiny, they never ate until 7:30 or 8 pm. Then we would sit with no music, no TV. Why waste such a golden opportunity? Watching TV at mealtime robs the family of the essence of the dinner, which is communion and exchange of ideas. I mean, God, if the dinner table is anything, it’s a place to learn manners and appreciation for two of the greatest things in life–food and drink.”

Jennings is likewise unequivocal in his view of junk TV and believes parking kids at the tube creates dull minds: “I think using TV as a babysitter is a terrible idea because the damn television is very narcotic, drug-like. Mindless TV makes for passive human beings–and it’s a distraction from homework!

“My two children were allowed to watch only a half an hour of entertainment TV per night–and they never had TV’s in their bedrooms.It’s a conscious choice I made as a parent not to tempt them…too seductive…”

Adds Ellerbee: “TV is seductive and is meant to be. The hard, clear fact is that when kids are watching TV, they’re not doing anything else!”

Indeed, according to the National Institute on Out-of-School Time and the Office of Research Education Consumer Guide, TV plays a bigger role in children’s lives now than ever before. Kids watch TV an average of14 to 22 hours per week, which accounts for at least 25 percent of their free time.

“Dateline NBC” Anchor Jane Pauley, intensely private, declined an interview to discuss how she and her husband, cartoonist Garry Trudeau (“Doonesbury”) handle TV-watching with their three teens, two of whom are fraternal twins. But in a written response, she agreed that kids need to be better protected from the onslaught of violence: “I was a visitor at a public elementary school not long ago, and was invited to peek in on a fourth-grade class on ‘current events.’ The assignment had been to watch the news and write about one of the stories. Two kids picked the fatal attack on a child by a pit bull and the other wrote about a child who’d hanged herself with a belt! They’d all watched the worst blood and gore ‘News at 11’ station in town. The teacher gave no hint that she was as appalled as I was. My response was to help the school get subscriptions to “Time for Kids” and “My Weekly Reader.” People need to be better news consumers. And tabloid TV is very unhealthy for kids.”

On this point, Ellerbee readily agrees:”I really do believe the first amendment STOPS at your front door. You are the boss at home and parents have every right to monitor what their kids watch. What’s even better is watching with them and initiating conversations about what they see.If your child is watching something terribly violent, sit down and DEFUSE it. Talking makes the ghosts run…and kids can break through their scared feelings.”

Adds Pauly:

“Kids,” she maintains, “know about bad news–they’re the ones trying to spare us the bad news sometimes. But kids should be able to see that their parents are both human enough to be deeply affected by a tragedy like Columbine, but also sturdy enough to get through it…and on with life. That is the underpinning of their security.”

“I’m no expert on the nation’s children,” adds Jennings, ” but I’d have to say no, it wasn’t traumatic. Troubling, shocking, even devastating to some, confusing to others, but traumatizing in that great sense, no.

“Would I explain to my kids that there are young, upset, angry, depressed kids in the world? Yes. I hear the most horrendous stories about what’s going on in high schools from my kids. And because of the shootings, parents are now on edge–pressuring educators to ‘do something.’ They have to be reminded that the vast majority of all schools in America are overwhelmingly safe,” a fact borne out by The National School Safety Center, which reports that in l998 there were just 25 violent deaths in schools compared to an average of 50 in the early 90’s.

Ellerbee adds that a parent’s ability to listen is more important than lobbying school principals for more metal detectors and armed guards: “If there was ever a case where grown-ups weren’t listening to kids, it was Littleton. First, don’t interrupt your child…let them get the whole thought out. Next, if you sit silently for a couple of seconds after they’re finished, they’ll start talking again, getting to a second level of honesty. Third, try to be honest with your kid. To very small children, it’s proper to say: ‘This is never going to happen to you…’ But you don’t say that to a 10-year-old.”

Moreover, Ellerbee believes that media literacy begins the day parents stop pretending that if you ignore TV, it will go away. “Let your kid know from the very beginning that he or she is SMARTER than TV: ‘I am in control of this box, it is not in control of me. I will use this box as a useful, powerful TOOL, but will not be used by it.’ Kids know the difference.

“Watching TV,” Ellerbee maintains, “can makes kids more civilized. I grew up in the south of Texas in a family of bigoted people. Watching TV made me question my own family’s beliefs in the natural inferiority of people of color. For me, TV was a real window that broadened my world.”

Ironically, for Shriver, watching TV news is incredibly painful when the broadcast is about you. Being a Kennedy, Shriver has lived a lifetime in the glare of rumors and televised speculation about her own family. Presenting the news to her children has therefore included explaining the tragedies and controversies the Kennedys have endured. She was just eight years old when her uncle, President John F. Kennedy, was assassinated: “I grew up in a very big shadow…and I couldn’t avoid it,” she admits. “It wasn’t a choker, but it was a big responsibility that I don’t want my own children to feel.” Yet doesn’t her 15- year marriage to megastar Schwarzenegger add yet another layer of public curiosity close to home? “My kids are not watching Entertainment Tonight–no, no, never! And I don’t bring them to movie openings or Planet Hollywood. I think it’s fine for them to be proud of their father, but not show off about him.”

How does she emotionally handle news when her family’s in it? “That’s a line I’ve been walking since my own childhood, and it’s certainly effected the kind of reporter I’ve become. It’s made me less aggressive. I’m not [in the news business] to glorify myself at someone else’s expense, but rather to report a story without destroying someone in the process. A producer might say: ‘Call this person who’s in a disastrous situation and book them right way.’ And I’m like: ‘Ahhhh. I can’t even bring myself to do it,’ because I’ve been on the other side and know the family is in such pain.”

A few years ago, of course, the Kennedys experienced profound pain, yet again, when Shriver’s beloved cousin, John F. Kennedy, Jr., was killed in a plane crash, with his wife, Carolyn, and sister-in-law, Lauren Bessette. A blizzard of news coverage ensued, unremitting for weeks. “I didn’t watch any of it…I was busy, ” Shriver says quietly. “And my children didn’t watch any of it either.”

Shriver was, however, somewhat prepared to discuss the tragedy with her children. She is the author of the best-selling “What’s Heaven?” [Golden Books], a book geared for children ages 4-8, which explains death and the loss of a loved one. “My children knew John well because he spent Christmases with us. I explained what happened to John as the news unfolded…walked them through it as best I could. I reminded them that Mommy wrote the book and said: ‘We’re not going to see John anymore. He has gone to God…to heaven…and we have to pray for him and for his sister [Caroline] and her children.”

Like Shriver, Jennings is personally uncomfortable in the role of covering private tragedies in a public forum: “In my shop, I’m regarded as one of those people who drags their feet a lot at the notion of covering those things,” he explains. “During the O.J. Simpson trial, I decided not to go crazy in our coverage–and we took quite a smack and dropped from first to second in the ratings. TV is a business, so when a real corker of a story like Princess Diana’s death comes along, we cover it. I think we’re afraid not to do it. We’re guilty of overkill, and with Diana, we ended up celebrating something that was largely ephemeral, making Diana more than she was. But audiences leap up!

“I was totally opposed to covering John F. Kennedy, Jr.’s funeral, because I saw no need to do it. He wasn’t a public figure, though others would say I was wrong. On-air, I said: ‘I don’t think the young Mr. Kennedy would approve of all this excess…’ But we did three hours on the funeral and it turned out to be a wonderful long history lesson about American politics and the Kennedy dynasty’s place in our national life.

“Sometimes,” Jennings muses, “TV is like a chapel in which we, as a nation, can gather to have a communal experience of loss.We did it with the Challenger, more recently with JFK Jr.’s death and we will do it shortly, I suspect, though I hope not, with Ronald Reagan. It’s not much different than what people did when they went West in covered wagons in the last century. When tragedy struck, they gathered the wagons around, lit the fire, and talked about their losses of the day. And then went on. Television can be very comforting.”

In closing, Ellerbee contends that you can’t blame TV news producers for the human appetite for sensational news coverage that often drags on for days at a time:

“As a reporter,” she muses, “I have never been to a war, traffic accident, or murder site that didn’t draw a crowd. There is a little trash in all of us. But the same people who stop to gawk at a traffic accident, may also climb down a well to save a child’s life, or cry at a sunset, or grin and tap their feet when the parade goes by.

“We are NOT just one thing. Kids can understand these grays…just as there’s more than one answer to a question, there is certainly more than one part to you!