#many many pallasthoughts on this night. thinking specifically about a bit in a scene i wrote where the director calls them by their name | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cream-and-tea · 11 months

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I think you might have talked about this before, but #3 for Pallas, for the pride month themed oc asks?

3. How did your oc discover themself? Did something cause them to question, or did they always know?

oooo ok so i think i’ve posted an excerpt from the actual book about Pallas Gender Stuff (tldr is they got the experience of being blissfully ignorant to the concept of gender as a kid until they became Aware it was a capital-C Concept and then everything felt wrong) so i wanna ramble a bit about their aro-aceness since i haven’t really gotten the opportunity to do that yet lol.

i don’t think it was something they always knew necessarily, but especially their lack of romantic attraction was always something they were vaguely aware of. when they were really little they were definitely a kid that went ‘ewwww’ and made a face whenever anyone talked about kissing. in general they just never found romance interesting in the way they found basically everything else interesting. like. why do these characters keep staring at each other can we get back to politics please this has literally nothing to do with the plot why is it important this is so boring. i think they were in the boat of fully thinking that romance and being horny were things made up in stories to add drama until people around them started experiencing it, which is when the Realization hit and they actual started to question that aspect of their identity.

#pallas looked at gender and sexuality and went what if i Didn’t actually #i think in many ways realizing they were aroace was a lot more difficult and alienating for them than the gender stuff #and it took them much longer to figure out #i try to be reeeaally careful in text with how i approach pallas’s identity in general bc i’m very aware that there’s a stereotype around #both nb and aspec characters being cold and calculating and inhuman. especially since dehumanization is something that’s very very relevant #to pallas and their background and general psychology. idk if that makes sense but i try to make it clear that pallas doesn’t think of #themself as a human person bc of the deep-seated psychological damage and not bc they happen to be ace and nonbinary. if anything those #aspects of their identity are some of the most human things about them??#and they’re actually some of the things about them that they’re the most protective over if that makes sense.#many many pallasthoughts on this night. thinking specifically about a bit in a scene i wrote where the director calls them by their name #(their name. their name the one they chose for themself) instead of just their library alias and everything else about the interaction is #awful and they feel awful but hearing that they can’t help but feel happy and just. augh.#sorry for the tag essay my own character makes me SAD ok #wip: ghost story #creme gets an ask

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