#maybe it is from kuya’s perspective idk

[pwurrz]

GOD the kuyaei pmv i’ve made in my head to this song… specifically this part speaks to me the most

eiden asking kuya why he’s like this and kuya staring blankly until he realizes this feels.. oddly familiar. he’s had this exact argument before. he starts to see eiden as a younger, dumber version of himself. the one that was hopelessly in love with huey and would do anything for him. and if eiden is him then.. he would be huey.

the idea disgusts him so much, it makes him feel like he wants to throw up, even more so because he knows his thoughts are technically right. how could he let huey turn him into this person?? a person he despises so much?? a person who hurts the people he loves?? it took huey leaving for him to realize just how toxic that relationship was, but somehow he still couldn’t end the cycle of toxicity.

he lashes out in a way that reminds him of his younger self, so overwhelmed with emotion and anger and hurt he doesn’t know what to do with all those feelings. when white hot anger isn’t clouding his vision he realizes he’s on top of eiden, digging into his shoulders in a way that rips the fabric of his jacket and gripping his face in a way that accentuates that absolutely terrified expression of eiden’s face. he.. genuinely believes kuya would hurt him. and despite the fact that kuya never would, not really, not like this, he can’t blame him for thinking that.

he also can’t bring himself to tell eiden he wouldn’t. so he makes it worse. he lets go of eiden and summons fox fire, letting his anger bleed into his voice when he tells him to leave. eiden believes kuya would hurt him, why not feed into that a little?

and then he’s alone. and he feels even more disgusted with himself. that disgust turns into hatred when he realizes he gripped eiden’s face too roughly, and now there’s blood staining his claws. he squeezes the palm of his hand so tightly his own blood wets his fingertips. it’s the least he deserves.

eiden will come back. he always does. he’s far too forgiving, far too foolish to be the grand sorcerer. only a fool would come back to someone who hurt him. kuya knows that all too well.

but eiden comes back. he’s forgiving in a way kuya doesn’t deserve. selfishly, kuya goes along with his whims. to make him happy, and because some part of him wants to stay by eiden’s side. but in reality he’s rather be as far away from eiden as possible, left alone. the moment eiden feels safe enough to fall asleep around him is the first moment kuya genuinely contemplates leaving him there, to wake up alone. it’s better that way. eiden shouldn’t feel so safe around someone like him, even if grand sorcerer is too stubborn and foolish to realize that.

eiden’s forgiven him, but kuya doesn’t believe he’s earned that forgiveness. because as far as he’s concerned he’ll only hurt eiden again.